ttoddii

[ttoddii]

aka team bebe hurting themselves

mainly for @ttoddii lol

#⋰˚☆ nabi anak #bada swf2 #swf2 #street woman fighter 2

[ttoddii]

was about to give up on writing but damn, bada new insta post pull me back in, nvm

#⟢ tod's talkshow

[ttoddii]

divineeeeee

heroin ・ bada lee

"don't do this" bada whispers beside you on the row of chairs, her fingers delicately wiping away the tears rolling down your cheeks. it's not the first time she sees you in such a state, after having backslid into old habits, but something twists in your chest every time it happens. bada’s touch is gentle as she helps you. "don't cry, please" she whispers. "it's okay, it's all gonna be okay."

you want to agree with her, have some hope, but you're so tired of this routine; you’re always in too many places and appointments, and nothing ever fixes what needs to be fixed.

doctors will never do it for you.

they can fix your body for a while, but won't fix your heart. and only bada can reach it in a way that matters anyway.

"it's not, bada. i just . . keep going back to this. it’s like i’m my own enemy. i won't let myself feel like a normal person, won't let myself live. why- why can't i just do better?" your voice trails off, words getting stuck in your throat, and then bada’s hand pulls you closer. you forbear the surge of new tears not to stain her shirt as she hugs you.

you feel as if you're a whole lot of work for her, especially for being the one to put yourself in such situations. you're responsible for not letting your body have what it needs, simply because you feel like you fail so much that it's as if you should deserve it all before having it, even thought waiting until you deserve something to have it is the easiest way you know to lose everything.

"there's nothing wrong with you" she kisses the top of your head, her voice so soft it soothes you a bit. "your heart is just broken sometimes, which hurts your body too. it doesn't make you any less normal, just human."

the words echo in the hospital's sterile atmosphere, her sweetness silencing your thoughts for a little while. even the rhythmic ticking of the clock can be heard, the hall empty as you wait. bada looks you deep in the eyes when she lets go of you, her hands once again doing a gentle work by adjusting your hair.

"now smile for me, hm? it'll confuse your brain" she asks, smiling a bit herself. you attempt something, and it gets her feeling so fuzzy on the inside that she chuckles quietly, even though the sight breaks her a little. she wishes she could go through it all for you, despite her own struggles. "there, i love that smile. i'm sure it's all gonna be pretty fast this time, there's no need to worry" she sounds more hopeful than certain.

bada can still see the sadness etched in every line on your face, the shame behind your eyes. she knows quite well what stress has been doing to you, how slowly your past and present have been eating up your sanity. it's like witnessing a world slowly crumble.

when the nurse calls your name, you have to let go of her touch, and the pale lights over your head hum like a distant engine, matching your heavy heartbeats. things repeat themselves, doctors come and go, and your story remains the same. and it's so hard not fixing yourself on your own, in a way you would regret.

the entire procedure feels monotonous in the always plain white, cold room, bed covered with a crinkly paper sheet in which you sit for a bit too long this time. even basic questions trip you up now because, if you're honest, it weighs on your heart that you're not doing progressively better — it's quite the opposite that’s happening this time.

despite the apparent worthless nature of everything in your life, one thing makes it worth facing your pain — love. the same love that hurt, devoured, burned your heart alive countless times.

sometimes a monster is all that's left, and it's the only thing capable of undoing the pain it's caused.

your heart has been shattered into too many shards, and you thought no one would ever be brave enough to pick them up for you, but all you needed was someone like her, who loved you enough, who would gladly pick them up one by one while saying this shard is mine, this one is also mine.

she isn't pushing you to heal any faster, and cheers for you at every small progress you make. she isn't sinking you deeper as everything else seem to be trying to.

bada is always gentle despite all she might feel, and you're always assuring that things won't always be like this. you're each other's sweet voice promising that everything will be okay again, even as your lives burn away before your eyes.

taglist : @ttoddii — @yyawnjun — @jellysaidshit — @krissysays.

#bada lee #bada lee angst #bada x reader #bada lee x reader #⟢ tod's calmness #𐙚˙⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 bebetheloml

[ttoddii]

alright, i had been writing for a few of the orders (currently i have 13 orders in draft) and i'm in my burn out phase after working for a long period of time without stopping. so this is dragging out too long, i know how everyone had waited for so long and so i feel the need to post this to say sorry again.

i usually need around 30-1 hour to finish up drafting the idea and writing out an order, but since i am burn out, i am taking wayyyyy too long to finish one order. and for that i am deeply sorry to everyone that had waited.

again, i'll try to finish it all very soon. 😭

#⟢ tod's talkshow #bebe match up event !

[ttoddii]

TOD IN HER CHOCOL ERA NO ONE CAN STOP ME NO HSE IXNCD SO HFJDIDFUCKING COOL SHE MAKE ME RETHINK MY LIFE CHOEICE FKRGBNCNC

#⟢ tod's talkshow #CHOCOL IS SO FUCKING FINE #I CANNOT STAY LOYAL NO MORE #CHOCOLLLL

[ttoddii]

was it on good terms?

yes we ended it on good terms, and we are still very very good friends.

#⟢ tod's talkshow

[ttoddii]

currently single?

yes, i think it's fair to let you guys know since i did post about us when we were in the relationship, so you guys have the right to know when we ended it too.

but yes, we broke up, and i am currently single.

#⟢ tod's talkshow

[ttoddii]

i want a refund to this poor customer service, i did not expect to get treat this poorly when i bought the ticket to go to life, i thought it will be all funsies, all haha, all lololol, all lmfao.

#⟢ tod's talkshow #CAN YOU TELL I AM CRAZY NOW #CAN YOU TELL? #CAN YOU TELL WORK FUCKED UP MY MIND?

[ttoddii]

bada community back to life? damn damn damn damnnnnn 🫶

#⟢ tod's talkshow #i'm still on hiatus but damn this tempted me

[ttoddii]

just want to put this out there, i'll block empty blogs because i'm a pussy and i'm scared of bots, also because i need to know people ages cause we can't trust anyone on this stupid app anymore. so, please, just put your age in your bio or smth so i would know you're not a bot and you're not a minor interacting with my nsfw contents.

#⟢ tod's talkshow

[ttoddii]

73

list of questions to know me

73. what's something sweet you'd like someone to do for you?

take candid pictures of me.

#⟢ tod's talkshow #get to know tod !!!

[ttoddii]

62

list of questions to know me

62. what is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?

unbuttoning their shirt with one hand, unbuckling their belt with one hand.

do anything with one hand like they're not paying attention but in reality they care.

#⟢ tod's talkshow #get to know tod !!!

[ttoddii]

51

list of questions to know me

51. is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?

yea, myself 😔

but tbh, hm, i would do "everything" to a certain degree, i could take my own time, my own connections to go around helping them, but i know there are limits to things.

#⟢ tod's talkshow #get to know tod !!!

[ttoddii]

38

list of questions to know me

38. have you ever liked someone you didn't expect to?

no, everyone i had liked were all the people i took interested in.

#⟢ tod's talkshow #get to know tod !!!

[ttoddii]

27

list of questions to know me

27. has anyone ever written a song or poem for you?

apparently, yes.

#⟢ tod's talkshow #get to know tod !!!

[ttoddii]

13

list of questions to know me

13. do you get jealous easily?

not proud, but yes lolol

i get jealous pretty easily, i'm super sensitive when it come to my love one. and i might take matters into my own hand, but i did learn to keep it under control, and i trust the person i love so i'll let them deal with it first while i observe. if things get out of hands then that's when i jump in.

#⟢ tod's talkshow #get to know tod !!!

[ttoddii]

12

list of questions to know me

12. do you forgive betrayal?

no. i don't.

#⟢ tod's talkshow #get to know tod !!!