unofficial-book-of-quotes-tm
Cheesecake Tits
The unofficial Taskmaster book (blog) of quotes. Quote suggestions are always welcome. *read pinned post for more*
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Noel Fielding: What is more worrying is that I tried to blow a plastic giraffe off the table.
Greg Davies: I don't know, is that uncharacteristic?
Noel Fielding, Greg Davies (champion of champions 1, episode 01: Wiley giraffe blower)
Blow something substantial off this table.
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WD40. Never lets an old man down.
Bob Mortimer (champion of champions 1, episode 01: Wiley giraffe blower)
Blow something substantial off this table.
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Greg Davies: I'm sure the estate of Bobby Moore would be so proud seeing you in that outfit... carrying eight coconuts at a time to a shopping trolley.
Josh Widdicombe: Ah... I've missed you.
Greg Davies, Josh Widdicombe (champion of champions 1, episode 01: Wiley giraffe blower)
Either throw an exercise ball into the bath or put all the coconuts into the shopping trolley.
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You looked so upset when I got that in straight away, like a little child who's spent a year setting up a train track in the loft and then their dad just smashed it to pieces.
Noel Fielding (champion of champions 1, episode 01: Wiley giraffe blower)
Either throw an exercise ball into the bath or put all the coconuts into the shopping trolley.
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I just don't think.
Rob Beckett (champion of champions 1, episode 01: Wiley giraffe blower)
Either throw an exercise ball into the bath or put all the coconuts into the shopping trolley.
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Series 5 Points
Total points reached: 631
Episodes: 8
Highest scoring competitor: Bob Mortimer (138 points)
Lowest scoring competitor: Nish Kumar (107 points)
Average points per episode: Bob Mortimer (17.25), Mark Watson (16.25), Sally Phillips (16.25), Aisling Bea (15.75), Nish Kumar (13.38)
Difference between first place and last place: 31 points
Most episode wins: Bob Mortimer (3 wins) & Sally Phillips (3 wins)
Fewest episode wins: Aisling Bea (0 wins) & Nish Kumar (0 wins)
Favourite competitor (by survey): Nish Kumar (44.2%)
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It was embarrassing shitting yourself anyway but the worst part is... 'cause my wife's so lovely and so normal, but I remember she went, 'What's going on?', I went, 'I've got to go and buy some pants', and she went, 'Why?', I went, ''Cause I've shit myself', and then she went to me, 'Oh, not again'.
Rob Beckett (champion of champions 1, episode 01: Wiley giraffe blower)
Prize task.
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Now, I know you folks have already voted on these people before in their own respective series, though this time it's Champion of Champions I!
#taskmaster#bob mortimer#josh widdicombe#katherine ryan#noel fielding#rob beckett#champion of champions 1#taskmaster survey
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Woo! You've made it, we're done with series 5! C'mon, you know the drill by now. No point in me waffling on.
Well, what is there to say about series 5? In the grand scheme of things I like it a lot. It's all around entertaining and I genuinely can't say I like one competitor more than another or that I mind Greg's scoring, because I don't. And I think series 5 is a nice little palate cleanser inbetween, though of course quite strong on its own merit. Apparently everyone but Nish didn't want to return for Champion of Champions (for reasons which are rather unclear to me), which makes it even more tragic / funny that the man lost by a fucking country mile. He's truly the champion of hearts. When watching series 5 for the first time I think I only knew Aisling and Nish somewhat, but I'm not entirely certain anymore as it's such a long time ago now. Although I feel I should add that whenever I do return to series 5 I somehow manage to forget just how horny Sally is throughout. Which is fucking incredible (and sometimes a bit much for a renowned asexual that I am). Anyway. Oh, and Mark is just... He just looks so sad and lost all the time. When I first watched series 5 I was unaware that Mark and Alex are actually mates and since then I discovered No More Jockeys, but at the time I thought they were sometimes needlessly cruel to him. I genuinely wanted to wrap Mark in a blanket and make him a cup of tea at the look of utter devastation on his face after he received zero points for his solo task. Bob Mortimer is a fucking legend. No need to say more. He came and delivered. Sally confuses the fuck out of me (as mentioned before), but she's incredibly smart and absolutely not above doing the most unhinged shit imaginable. To be honest, I find Aisling's distrust of Alex, whether real or not, quite entertaining. There's something about her which I can't really describe but it works for me. Now, Nish is a God damn disaster and I love him for it. His laugh is going to haunt me for years to come, though it's incredibly infectuous. He is probably one of my favourite kind of competitors: quite competitive, yet utterly useless, but still upbeat throughout and not a sore loser. Actually, this describes I think best why I like series 5. No-one is a sore loser, they do argue sometimes for points, but even if they lose, they still seem to have a grand ol' time there. So yeah, there you have it. It's a solid series with a solid cast and some great tasks. If I have to critise one thing it's that Greg's and Alex's interactions fall flat for me in series 5. I don't really know what it is - and I'm probably forgetting things here, but the only interaction I remember is the "sweet butt" comment from Greg and that's only 'cos I just saw it again. Well, anyway, see you in series 6 Champion of Champions 1!
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Do we strike you?
Bob Mortimer (series 05, episode 08: Their water's so delicious)
Write and perform a song about this woman.
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Alex Horne: Yeah, I tried really hard every time we spoke to say a fish word. Did you ever notice?
Sally Phillips: I just thought you were bad at speaking.
Alex Horne, Sally Phillips (series 05, episode 08: Their water's so delicious)
Make the most fish puns.
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And I piss like a big old whale.
Greg Davies (series 05, episode 08: Their water's so delicious)
Create the best graph.
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'Cause I was looking into purchasing gallons of piss. 'Cause I was in a dispute with the Woolwich Ferry man. I thought, 'Fuck it, I'll fill his boat with piss'.
Bob Mortimer (series 05, episode 08: Their water's so delicious)
Create the best graph.
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Do you know what's the worst thing about this? Two men are going to explain to me, and rightly so, why my maths are shit.
Aisling Bea (series 05, episode 08: Their water's so delicious)
Create the best graph.
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[...] And the women are a mess. Just a head and a hand there, which is all you really need if you're a woman.
Aisling Bea (series 05, episode 08: Their water's so delicious)
Create the best graph.
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This is the latest in a series of incidents with Sally where she's made it very clear that erm she wants more sex in her life. And I think it's a bit like fossil fuels and the ozone layer. The time for graphs has stopped and we should huddle together and see what we're gonna do about it.
Greg Davies (series 05, episode 08: Their water's so delicious)
Create the best graph.
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Greg Davies: [...] What you've produced is a graph that shows the pointlessness of democracy.
Mark Watson: Not erm- not just of democracy but of all human endeavour, basically. But to be fair, if people are watching Taskmaster, they realise that already.
Greg Davies, Mark Watson (series 05, episode 08: Their water's so delicious)
Create the best graph.
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