we-burn-so-bright

[we-burn-so-bright]

I logged onto my vent side blog dump account for.... closure I think? I need to dump another one but man its. Been a couple of years since I was in this place, literally & figuratively. I never thought I could handle a job. I can’t sometimes, but I mostly do. I never thought I could get better, but I think I have. I never thought the story would change. But I think it has. 

It used to be 2 scared kids dealing with more than they could handle. It used to be horrible and depressing and inescapable and those 2 kids were me. It used to hurt. It used to really hurt. I made this blog after my friend struggled with self harm, and I was as well. I was never suicidal but I was always so scared. I needed a way to cope. I needed a way to think of the worst possible case scenarios and I needed to think they were escapable. I needed 2 characters to project all my fears and problems onto and I needed them to live, even if we both didn’t want to. 

And they did. A lot has changed. I’m not totally free of self harm, I do have moments, I still have bad days and nights and of course I’m still depressed, but the story has changed. I’ve got a job, not the best one but what else can I ask for. I have the startings of arthritis, idk my gender but its just... not cis I think. I might be moving out in a few months. It’s not perfect and it’s never going to be but the story changed. I pulled myself through. And these 2 boys were with me. I thought about this story less and less but they’re always there. I was with them when they went through the same things that I did. 

So I guess this is a stupidly cheesy thank you to some double fictional characters. Idk man I’m just tryin to get closure somehow. I feel like a big part of my life is changing, I’m leaving behind a lot of the stuff I used to need to cope. i dont know what the future holds but i know theyll always be there with me 

[we-burn-so-bright]

important

ok ok this blog is finally actually done 

i moved this one to another acc i made so it would be out of the way for my new one, @young-gods-complex which isnt tagging for some reaon. its basically the same as what this blog was at the start just w a diff story. idk if it’ll become a vent blog (probably)

thank you for following this one.

#im logging out of this acc now #the blog will still be here #but i wont be able to touch it other than look at it

[we-burn-so-bright]

i wanna bruise my brain

wanna know if im insane

[we-burn-so-bright]

[we-burn-so-bright]

helena // my chemical romance

[we-burn-so-bright]

Huh. didn't know bruises could form so fast =)

#i have a rock #its heavy and sharp snd my leg #is pleasantly throbbing #=) #debating doing the other leg #or my arm maybe

[we-burn-so-bright]

thats why i need the rubber band. i like the comfort of knowing if i wanna hurt or feel something i can and it (mostly) won't leave any mark.

#i still want to bruise though

[we-burn-so-bright]

my urge to bruise is randomly back? i was noticing how the skin there hasn't really fully returned to its normal colour yet and i was thinking about the sore leg and how my knee would throb and get real stiff and the darkness of the skin and

#tw for me talking about self harm ive done #i wanna fucking bruise it again #but thats like #a lot of pain... #like ive fucking SCREAMED numerous times and had to walk it off for ages #plus im never really home alone anymore #but like. i really want to #why the fuck are my harms so weird #kneeing the doorframe #burning on the school heater #(once) #stabbing my leg lightly w a fake mini sword #scratching up my hip w a broken ring #scratching at my leg w an unclickee pen #like??? i have harm scars but theyre all so different #oh no im sad now #these are #permanent haha #hers are permanent too

[we-burn-so-bright]

#i wish my friends were ok #=(

[we-burn-so-bright]

need to stop doing dumb reckless s*xual stuff.

On the plus side i have a new rubber band.

[we-burn-so-bright]

idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot

[we-burn-so-bright]

"Who says I don't want it too?"

"No, no. You can't like me too! You're too pretty to like me!"

"Are you being serious? You're the biggest dork I've ever met. How can I not?"

#anyway heres my BOYS #theyre dumb and in love #in a different time and place though #guess who is who

[we-burn-so-bright]

talking to myself while i write hurts now cause. i used to do it like every night. i used to be happy every night. i caught myself talking just before and. my voice doesn’t feel good anymore. 

[we-burn-so-bright]

I wannna die

#=( #here for you #💙💙

[we-burn-so-bright]

What am i supposed to do

#im so bad at.... showing sympathy #holy fuck #i fuck it up everytime #this is fuckinf ridiculous why cant i just show sympathy #and jt be natural why do i have to sit ang think on and off for something kind to say #EVERYTIM E #WHY CANT I BE CARING

[we-burn-so-bright]

i am trying to tell you

[we-burn-so-bright]

fake conversations in your head of you venting to someone