Gay & Lesbian Pride Parade, Seattle, Washington, 1991.
James May
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How to Talk to Someone Who is StrugglingâŁ
It can be tough to talk to someone who is struggling with their mental health. We want our friends and family to feel comfortable reaching out to us, but most people arenât actually sure how to react when that happens. Iâve heard a lot of people express fears that they might say the wrong thing or even make the situation worse. And thatâs valid. It took a lot of training for me to learn how to talk to suicidal and depressed people, and they just donât teach those skills in regular school. But having those skills can save lives. âŁ
So if youâve got a struggling person in your life and youâre not sure how to talk to them, remember:âŁ
Donât be afraid of using the word âsuicideâ. Itâs a harsh word, and a lot of people are scared that talking about it directly might push someone to do it. It wonât. Suicidal people are thinking about suicide in explicit terms all the time; hearing the word out loud isnât any worse than the things theyâve already been thinking. Using euphemisms and beating around the bush just makes it hard to have an honest conversation. Be direct. Say exactly what you mean. Ask your loved ones if they are thinking about killing themselves. Say the word suicide. Itâs hard, but itâs important.âŁ
Donât make the conversation all about you. It is really, really tempting to jump in and tell a struggling person all about your own struggles with mental health in order to empathize with them. Donât do it. Not right away. You might mean well, but when you launch into your own mental health struggles, you are suddenly putting the other person in a position where they have to comfort and empathize with you, when it should be the other way around. They donât have the energy for that right now. Let them talk about themselves first. âŁ
Donât have an intense emotional reaction to what theyâre saying. This is really, really hard, but itâs important. When someone is telling you about their self-harm or suicidal thoughts, try to keep your face and your voice as neutral as possible. Offer empathy in a calm, comforting way, and avoid crying in their presence if you can. They are watching you closely to see whatâs okay and whatâs not okay to disclose; if they see you getting upset at what theyâre saying, they wonât want to talk about it anymore. And once again, it puts them in a position where they have to stop and comfort you. âŁ
Donât say âI know exactly how you feelâ. Because you donât. And hearing statements like this, even if theyâre well-meaning, can come across as dismissive or patronizing. Even if youâve been in a very similar situation, you canât really know what it feels like to be someone else, or feel the pain they feel. Instead of saying âI know what youâre going throughâ, validate their pain and say âI canât imagine what youâre going throughâ - because you canât. âŁ
Donât ask âwhyâ questions. Asking questions that start with âwhyâ automatically puts people on the defensive. When you ask âwhy do you feel that wayâ, it makes people feel like they have to justify themselves to you. Instead, ask âwhat are some of the reasons you feel that way?â This is a much more non-judgmental way to phrase things, and it allows people to explain whatâs going on without feeling like theyâre on trial. âŁ
Donât be afraid of silence. When someone tells you something really heavy, sometimes you just wonât know what to say. Thatâs okay. A lot of the time, distressed people arenât looking for comforting words - they just need someone to sit there in their pain with them, by their side. Silences are a natural part of intense conversations, and theyâre important. Let them happen. And sometimes, a long silence gives someone the space to say the things they were afraid to say before. âŁ
Donât try to âfixâ the problem. When someone comes to you with a problem - their partner dumped them, they lost their job, theyâre broke - it can be really, really tempting to just start hurling solutions at them. Weâll sign you up for dating sites! Weâll spruce up your resume! Weâll make you a budget! If the person reaching out to you wanted that kind of help, they would ask for it. If theyâre reaching out to talk about their problems, they arenât looking for practical solutions right now - they donât need you to fix it, they need you to listen to them, understand how much theyâre hurting, and sit by them when they cry. âŁ
Validate their feelings. Distressed people often feel that their emotions are ridiculous, or that they donât âdeserveâ to feel sad because they are better off in life than other people. Remind them that they have a right to their own feelings. Confirm that, yes, their situation sucks and itâs okay for them to be upset about it. Never confirm suicidal feelings, but do let them know that their sadness or anger or shame is okay to feel, and they have a right to feel it.âŁ
Offer resources only if they are okay with it. Pelting a suicidal person with unwanted pamphlets isnât helpful. Even if you know a great mental health resource in your area, itâs important to ask if the person even wants resources, or feels comfortable reaching out to a resource. Always check in with the personâs comfort after providing a resource, and ask if you can help them to be more comfortable accessing this resource. If you gave them the name of a local mental health clinic, ask if they would like you to call the clinic for them, or accompany them to the clinic - offer whatever help you can, but donât push resources, and always check in with their needs and comfort. âŁ
These tips arenât perfect, and they wonât necessarily work for everyone - they are a guideline to get you started, and to feel more confident approaching struggling family and friends. Having intense conversations about mental health or suicide with a loved one can be overwhelming, and many people donât feel prepared to have these conversations, even if they want to. Do your best. Even if you make mistakes, showing someone that you honestly care about them and youâre making an effort to be there for them can make a world of difference. Having an imperfect conversation is better than no conversation at all. âŁ
If youâre still having doubts about your ability to have these conversations, remember that there are helpful videos online that you can learn from, and you can always call suicide hotlines to get tips and reassurance about approaching a loved one youâre concerned about. At the end of the day, it doesnât really matter how you have this conversation - it matters that you have it.
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Itâs 104% okay to come to your DM and just say, âHi, can we be friends?â And then start asking you random questions.
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nobuddy feels like they have a sharp attention span these days, right? and we all just click âagree on terms of serviceâ because its hard to love yourself sometimes, well
enter Terms of Service, Didnât Read: a website and a browser addon that streamlines the terms of service of many popular web services to be read by the tech sunday drivers.
Itâs graded from A (great) to E (awful) and if you have the addon you have access to the info about the website on your bar
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Shit man, this wizard war is fucked. I just saw a guy clap his hands together and say "the ten hells" or some similar shit, and every one around him turned inside out, had their tibia explode and then disappeared. The camera didn't even go onto him, that's how common shit like this is. My ass is casting frostbite and level 2 poison. I think I just heard "power word:scrunch" two groups over. I gotta get the fuck outta here.
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there a baby fox living under our deck and he literally looks like that "full of milk" drawing except somehow rounder
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Ao no Exorcist: Shimane Keimei Kessha-hen (Blue Exorcist: Shimane Illuminati Saga) - Blu-ray/DVD Volume 2 Illustrations. Release: 29 May 2024
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it is ok to say fat. u do not have to say chubby or chunky or thick or plump.. if u r making a positivity post u can just say âfat ppl r so cute!â bc it is ok to say fat.
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The updated, full cast roster of The Grand Galloping 20s, an MLP AU project reimagining the characters and world in a 1920s American setting. Character designs by @tulliok, @maplewozapi, and I.
More to come!
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Honestly I donât like this much Iâm not to good at coloring but more yukio and rin cause da sillays
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'i think i hauve covid' and 'i thiunk my friends are mad at me' are looking for a third
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