winged-thinged

[winged-thinged]

It's not so much that I think it's impossible to be a Christian and a good person, as it is that I think it's intellectually chickenshit to go "I don't believe [insert whatever horrible thing conservative Christians believe here], and Jesus is perfect, so he couldn't possibly have supported that and those other Christians who think he did must be wrong," rather than taking an honest look at some of the horrible things that Christianity has historically stood for and what the Bible actually says, and concluding that maybe sometimes Christianity can be wrong.

#ex-catholic #deconstruction

[winged-thinged]

John 15:5 I am the vine; you are the branches.

More Than His Branches

When my fundamentalist bubble burst and I began to interact with the world and other people, I found the things that truly fed me. I found sources of value that did not demand dependence. They didn't require me to be helpless without them. I found people who encouraged my flourishing and did not need to claim it as their own.

And I found myself. I found that I was not a branch of a vine or an appendage of a body. I was a person, a whole person. And it was a person that I had neglected for years because I was taught that that was honorable-- that by trusting God to nourish me, I was building a stronger faith. But what I was really doing was cutting myself off from forms of nourishment apart from God.

In that system, self-distrust was required. And as I left fundamentalist Christianity behind and I began to trust myself I was finally in the position to discover what I really needed and what I was really capable of when I started believing in myself.

links, glorious links

[winged-thinged]

Sometimes people demand you justify being an atheist with a 200 page well-sourced thesis on biblical scholarship but one of the reasons I am not a Christian anymore is so fucking simple. It made my life worse. It made me unhealthy mentally. I’ve grown one thousand times more as a person without it. If it were really the one true wisdom from an all knowing infinite god, it would make my life better. And that’s enough proof for me. And it’s a valid reason.

[winged-thinged]

Okay, so God loves me whether I like it or not, and he saves me from a sinful/limited nature/death (hell) without my consent (except if I don't accept him as my personal savior consent I go to hell/death/brokeness/depravity). Except he's as gentle as a lamb, so he won't enter into me unless I consent. But he will try his best to break me down and soften my heart so that I'm ready to hear his message (and if I don't give in to him, I will never know true happiness/never have a life worth living/die/be tortured for a billion billion years or until I give in).

I don't care how good your message is. This is not how you treat someone you love. This is coercion.

#ex-catholic #apostate #ex christian #religious trauma

[winged-thinged]

Sorry to break it to y'all but believing in anything, participating in anything, has the capacity to harm people. There's no perfect system of belief that exempts you from having to continually work to not be an asshole.

[winged-thinged]

okay so I have this idea for a new therapy thing. basically the idea is after an abusive relationship or a combat deployment or anything that might conceivably leave you with PTSD and a loss of ability to reasonably gauge how bad the shit that happened to you actually was, you sit there with a mental health professional for like, a solid 30 to 60 minutes, you tell them short vignettes of your experiences and they respond ONLY by rating how fucked up each one was on a scale from 1 to 10 and then you move on. the objective isn't to reflect deeply on specific experiences but to get a sustained series of reassurances that what you went through was, in fact, That Bad and gradually rebuild your trust in your own present and future ability to judge when what you're going through isn't okay.

currently calling it Rapid Fire Affirmation and Recalibration Therapy (RAP-FART). working title, open to feedback.

[winged-thinged]

Idk call me crazy but I don't think you should worship a god who says you can't kiss someone before you're married. Like you'd think he'd have his hands full with the wars and the famine and the fuckheads causing them, but no for some reason the lord god above is PRESSED about where and when you're pressing lips together. I feel like if we just take a step back for a moment and look at the world, all presumably a result of the divine plan, we might be able to start weighing the divine planner's opinion on kissing a little bit less. Let's get this universe a little peer review

[winged-thinged]

John 15:5 I am the vine; you are the branches.

Untangling Divine Dependence

I was born embedded into a system that idealized dependence. I was taught that independence was at best foolish and at worst evil.

Trusting myself? Out of the question. Leaning on my own understanding? Absolutely not. My feelings and thoughts were irrelevant. I'd been given the formula for success and I just had to follow it and ignore anything that distracted me from doing so.

But what happens when a branch wilts? You go further up the vine and you check its health to see why nutrients aren't making their way to the failing appendage. The issue in Christianity is that the prosperity of the vine cannot be questioned. If Christianity doesn't work for someone, that someone is blamed. And if they seek other nourishment, they are scorned. But support should not require dependence.

[winged-thinged]

IMO you can't say anything coherent about most US-based right wing conspiracy theories without understanding how seriously the diehards in these movements believe in The Devil

the obvious question, "who benefits from maintaining this elaborate lie," does not stop people like Flat Earthers because many of them are young earth creationists who believe in powerful spiritual forces whose only goals are

1. convincing people that Christianity isn't true

2. the proliferation of largely symbolic Evil, which they enjoy tricking you into supporting

"tricking" people into believing the earth is round is enough of a goal for The Devil to go to all that trouble. if people don't believe in God's perfect little flat earth then they're also free to believe in things like evolution and the big bang

practicality and material concerns are usually irrelevant. the lie is worth maintaining because The Devil has near unlimited time, resources, and human servants, and his top priority is Getting You

[winged-thinged]

i admire how you handled that person essentially proving your point in different words. i hope you get a little treat & a moment of peace sometime soon <3

I hope the same for you :)

I'm not perfect, but I do my best. I don't mean to put that person on blast. I believed pretty close to what they believe, and not all that long ago...I was actually accepted at a pretty prestigious seminary and about to start my MDiv when I left. On a very real level, I get it.

I find it helpful to provide a counter-narrative, though, if only for myself. Because it starts to make you feel crazy, having a biblical flood of people telling you that, no, their version of Christianity is different, really! (I don't know why they feel the need to put their two cents in-if it's so clear that I'm not talking about them, then why do I make them feel so threatened?)

I have spent a more than fair amount of time learning what Christianity actually teaches and why, and I decided I thought it was harmful, and so I left. And a certain kind of Christian can't accept that, and thinks that if I don't see things the same way as them, I must just not know any better and need them to explain it to me. But no, I know what I'm chosing.

#asks

[winged-thinged]

[winged-thinged]

Okay. I think it's also pretty invasive and insulting to believe that I was born inherently "sick" and need saving from it by your God, who coincidentally has complete power over me and whose help I cannot meaningfully consent to. If God exists, I do not want to have a relationship with Them in any form, not now and not after my death.

Glad you find meaning in it though.

Look, we joke a lot, but really, "you were born evil, wretched, worse than the scum of the earth, and it took killing a god to make you salvageable, so now you'd better be grateful to that god and thank him 10,000 times a day for it and fill your thoughts with him 24/7 and abide by the letter of his every word, lest you suffer unimaginable torture for all of eternity" is a truly horrendous thing to believe about yourself and other people

#i don't know what you want from me here you came onto my post

[winged-thinged]

Idk man, are you sure?

Do you believe in original sin? Do you believe that Jesus's death and suffering were salvific, by some mechanism? Do you believe in hell, death, or non-existence for those who don't belive?

Because this looks to me like the exact same core beliefs that I was raised under, just with less guilt tripping and less fanaticism, which is nicer, maybe, but not different.

I don't know the details of your personal beliefs. Maybe you're right. The UUs, for example, are not who I'm criticizing here, and I don't know enough about all the various liberal protestant denominations to comment.

But my problem is as much with the substance of the beliefs that I was raised with as it is with the admittedly insanely abusive method by which they were taught to me.

Look, we joke a lot, but really, "you were born evil, wretched, worse than the scum of the earth, and it took killing a god to make you salvageable, so now you'd better be grateful to that god and thank him 10,000 times a day for it and fill your thoughts with him 24/7 and abide by the letter of his every word, lest you suffer unimaginable torture for all of eternity" is a truly horrendous thing to believe about yourself and other people

#genuinely if youve had a better experience with Christianity than me-i'm glad #no one should have to grow up being taught this #but you are coming off a bit not all Christians here my dude

[winged-thinged]

I get how it's not actually paradoxical or surprising but it's eternally hilarious to me when the same people who say "But they're your FAMILY! You can't turn your back on the people who raised you!!!" also think it's a-ok to disown your children for the high crimes and misdemeanours of like. Smoking pot. Getting pregnant. Sucking dick.

#🙃

[winged-thinged]

thinking about how when you experience a lot of shame in your formative years (indirectly, directly, as abuse or just as an extant part of your environment) it becomes really difficult to be perceived by other people in general. the mere concept of someone watching me do anything, whether it's a totally normal activity or something unfamiliar of embarrassing, whether I'm working in an excel spreadsheet or being horny on main, it just makes my skin crawl and my brain turn to static because I cannot convince myself that it's okay to be seen and experienced. because to exist is to be ashamed and embarrassed of myself, whether I'm failing at something or not, because my instinctive reaction to anyone commenting on ANYTHING I'm doing is to crawl into a hole and die. it's such a bizarre and dehumanizing feeling to just not be able to exist without constantly thinking about how you are being Perceived. ceaseless watcher give me a god damn break.

[winged-thinged]

They hurt you. You will likely carry that for a long time. It wasn’t fair. You’re allowed to say that.

I get so tired of people who respond with “life’s not fair,” or “you’re letting them win by holding onto the past.”

Yes, it’s important to move on and not let it run your life, but it still wasn’t fair. And sometimes, we need to let that out.

Denying us that or making us feel bad about that is very invalidating. It’s okay to be angry, sad or whatever else and acknowledge the wrong that was done to you.

[winged-thinged]

actually im not a christian so if u try to say “but the bible says..” one more time to control what i do with my life, i will take a bible, a kjv bible, with study notes and apologetics lessons, and shove it so far up your ass that you will actually know the scriptures you claim to be quoting