wowzersmydude

[wowzersmydude]

💉💊sickly sweet 🎀💖

[wowzersmydude]

First version of a design i did for cherry_cheezy’s shirt contest Commissions are open, send me a message if interested Society6 // Redbubble// Instagram: @ stardustcastle

[wowzersmydude]

@irohanail_

[wowzersmydude]

♡ Take Care ♡ 

Please don’t remove this caption! ☆

[wowzersmydude]

My eyes hurt from crying. I want to cut so fucking bad.

[wowzersmydude]

[wowzersmydude]

[wowzersmydude]

Die die die die die die die die die die die

Why do you even love him? Apparently he doesn’t give a single fuck about you anymore. You went and fucked that all up. Just you. You did this. Fuck you. Just fucking die

[wowzersmydude]

Wanna die wanna die wanna die wanna die wanna die wanna die wanna die wanna die wanna die wanna die wanna die wanna die wanna die wanna die wanna die wanna die die die die die die die die kill me kill me kill me kill me please fucking please someone just get if fucking over with I can’t fucking do this anymore I can’t I can’t I can’t I can’t kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me please fucking kill me

[wowzersmydude]

I want to die

I want to die

I want to die

I want to die

I want to die

I want to die

I want to die

I want to die

I want to die

I want to die

I want to die

I want to die

I want to die

I want to die

I want to die

Please just let me die

[wowzersmydude]

Might actually use this blog again as a vent/diary thing? So to begin that; Here’s a bunch of fucking disgusting gross me being depressed and horrifically dysfunctional fuck;

I texted mom at like 8 last night asking if I could stay the night. I missed work with Sarah that day. I got up on time initially but I had only slept for 3 hours and I was really nauseous so I said hey let me sleep a little more and I’ll have mom pick me up and drop me off when she gets off work at like 11 (in like 2 hours). I woke up later (not on time for mom to pick me up. I had like 4 missed calls from her.) and realized I’d slept too late. Didn’t really care, sent a couple text messages and went back to sleep til like 4 or 5. The night before this, Sarah said she could get Vyvs. I gave her money for 3. Then she said, literally I quote, “if there’s a chance you could buy me one that’d be great” and I was like as long as you pay me back that’s totally cool, sorry I’m not trying to be a dick I just haven’t had money in so long and Im really hesitant to let go of any of it haha and she was like “I was just trying to get back the ones I’ve given you but ((ITS WHATEVER ILL JUST BORROW TWELVE DOLLARS FROM MY SISTER FUCK ME)) “ and I was like fucking Christ fine fucking shit dude fuck. Fuck.

ANYWAY. Also that day I couldn’t drink anything cold without it really really hurting my teeth. My teeth still really hurt with anything cold all day today too. the night I texted mom, Adrian came and picked me and Chevy up. I dropped off rags to Sarah and grabbed vyvs. Got to moms, tried to take Chevy inside, she tried to piddle on the floor so I took her back outside and ate my chips by the fire that was going. Mom was outside with me a bit and only gave me a small talk about “why did you need to come over? If you’re having such problems with anxiety then why aren’t you doing something about that. You need to blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah amd get your shit together for fucks sake. You gonna actually go to bed soon?” I went to bed like 30min after going inside, slept until 6:30, took Chevy outside, saw the mama raccoon in the tree behind the house, came back inside and went back to sleep until mom woke me up at 10, and then 10:15, and then 10:30 and I got up a little after 10:30ish. Took Chevy out and we walked around the yard a lot? It was super sunny and hot, we stayed out for a few hours then I took Chevy in and I came out and pulled weeds with mom and then just wamdered around for a bit. I told Maleah to come be social downstairs, went back outside a little bit, then went inside and asked Maleah if she was hungry. She said she wanted a baked potato and an egg and a piece of bread. So I made that for her. I asked Tom specifically if it was okay to use the smiley face plate, he said that’s fine. By the time it was done in the microwave, the plate was really cracked 😅 I asked mom if she wanted a couple eggs she was like yeah. I looked in the fridge and I saw mushrooms and I was like do you want some sautéed mushrooms with it and she said yeah totally and then I saw the spinach and cheese and I was like mom...U want an omelette? And she was like heck yeah so I whisked 2 eggs and went to make hers and I put too much stuff in it and it ended up really ugly so I was like uh, I’ll eat this one lol. So I tried harder to put a little less stuff in and make it neater and whisked 2 more eggs and made another one and it came out super neat and pretty so I gave that one to mom and wow I am very suddenly just now very spinny fuck me I just want to die fucking fuck fuck fucking just kill me please. Fuck. I made mom mae and me brunch. It was nice. I was hot outside and wanted to get a little more skin in the sun so I asked Adrian for some shorts and he gave me a pair. Bethany and Tara were there too. I put on some sunscreen and it smelled really good and I feel like I haven’t smelled sunscreen in like 3 years. I wandered around outside for another hour or two and then Sarah and dickfuck dropped off Wyatt. I texted Keith a little before and I said we should get boba and go to the beeeeaach and he said yeah so I talked to Adrian and Tom about takin me home. Artisan said he’d take me cause I thought Tom wouldn’t be leaving until later, but Tom ended up leaving a lot sooner than he thought so he said he could take me. Him, Conner, Maleah, Chevy and I left. I got home, and was gonna hurry up and get ready to go with Keith but the cats are horrible and the house felt fucking horrible as fuck so I cleaned the kitchen and the litter and the living room floor, and Keith showed up just after I was trying to get dressed after I took a rinse shower. He was like yeah of course you’re not ready. I even gave you a bunch of extra time. I was like yeah the kitchen in particular was just awful I couldn’t take it anymore. He asked if mom came in and bullied me about it I said no mom wasn’t even in here. He was surprised. I changed clothes a couple times, put some makeup on, and we got going. I wore the gray strappy tank top, the black shorts that I chopped myself that are super short, and dark gray thigh highs and gray n black nikes. And the light pink jacket. I took too long so we could too long so we couldn’t go to Andoras. As soon as we hit peach st. I googled where I could get some boba and called Thai eatery and they were lk

Tumblr is being fucking dumb just let me type out my shit okay??? Okay!!! Like hell yeah I got a Thai tea w boba it was really really good!! We went to wegmans. Had a good lighthearted time in the car on the way there. Got groceries and wine. I had suggested we stop at the adult store for fun and to get lube. Keith said “I’m tired let’s just go home.” I got really disappointed and sad on the way home. He was like “I’m sorry babe I’m just tired. What did you want to get?” Just lube. “You could try ordering it online? I’m sorry babe yknow we already know what they have there” and I got really fucking sad and just was neutral on the way home and after he got home I texted him a bunch of suicidal shit that I should have just fucking kept to myself but I couldn’t keep “would you be sad if I died” out of my head I just really wanted to ask him, I honestly wasn’t sure what he’d say. I guess he actually cares a little bit about me now cause he was all like offended when I assumed he wouldn’t rly care.

(By the way I’m drinking wine + sake rn I feel like I’m gonna throw up probably. I don’t even care. I’ll fall asleep on the bathroom floor.) (I’m also intermiddently beating my knees with an empty glass bottle and it feels fucking satisfying. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to cut myself any more, my last cuts are just healing. If it were up to me I would die as soon as fucking possible, not just drink and cut myself, but, fuck me, right? Atm I Just want to start walking and not stop. I want to drive more than anything. I just want to drive. I just want to go for a drive. Fuck I didn’t cry while typing any of this until now. I just: want. To fucking drive. I want my car. Fuck everything. I want to die. I wanna die I wanna die I wanna die I wanna die I wanna die I wanna die I wanna die I wanna die I wanna die I wanna die I wanna die I wanna die I wanna die I wanna die I wanna die I wanna die.

I’ve been typing for like over 2hrs on and off I’m done I can’t keep this train of though anymore bye wish me luck killing myself bye

#tumblr is fckin dumb this layout is weird ad #af #i think im drunk but i Just feel numb #Kill me #kill me #diary #2020 #may 2020

[wowzersmydude]

if you dont believe in aliens youre fucking stupid

[wowzersmydude]

simple shit. 

[wowzersmydude]

Stop acting so small. You are the universe in ecstatic motion.

Rumi (via artificialover)

#ha

[wowzersmydude]

Night time is scary People are scary I'm scary I don't like me I don't want to deal with her anymore

[wowzersmydude]

[wowzersmydude]

To Toro ghost cow