wtvrliam

[wtvrliam]

@carter ____ leeds

#pceouteclc

[wtvrliam]

idek what this was about pls

me either

[wtvrliam]

Liam stood there, taking a word beating from Carter. He was hopinh that he'd come by to get forgiveness but it wasn't going to be that easy. To earn someone's forgiveness, you had to be given the right to and Liam didn't have the right. He didn't have the right to feel this anger in him towards some innocent boy that had gotten dragged into drama -- that was never his intention at all. I t was never his intention to fall in love with two people who meant so much to him more than anything ever would. These two, especially him, held a special place in his heart. With sad eyes and a heavy heart, Liam attempted to force a smile to his lips. "I never made it out to be your fault, I was just mad that.. that it was me and not you. She lost the baby..." He said sadly, "I'm a walking mess, Carter. Why didn't you punch me when you had the chance? Why do you put p with me? Why me? God, I'm such a horrible friend you put it up with because your heart is full of gold and mine is full of sin and I'm so sorry, so sorry for coming into your life and tainting that heart of gold with coal and I'm just.. i just want you to be happy I want you and her to be happy again and please -- just please if I die out there or something. I just want you to know that it's not going to be hard to find it because for the small time I was here, I felt it. I felt my chance at happiness and it was.. fun but not me.. but you, Carter Leed's.. you have the chance to become someone greater than you are right now. Lay off the drinks and go out there and be spontaneous. Lay off the awkward looks, the talks, the sad mopey heart and do it. Just do it. Fuck it all and do whatever you want." He grabbed his bag and smiled , a genuine smile after accepting the pain for a week. "Promise me, buddy?"

Carter really didn’t know how to respond to any of it. He just stood there and let Liam vent. It didn’t even occur to Carter that he’d stopped talking. But not without the mention of her. And just like that his sympathy grew lesser. Not because he wouldn’t be able to forgive Liam, but because the loss of Evie was just a cherry on top of the slap-in-the-face sundae he’d never asked for. “I don’t want to do this before you leave. What I really want is for you to stay because I know I’ll forgive you eventually, I’m weak like that. Liam, you didn’t just take her away from me. As hard as it would have been, I could have moved on from that…” Carter paused for a second. Talking about her was something he’d been avoiding for weeks and suddenly… There it was again. Inescapable.  “… You told me I pushed her away myself and all of it was my fault. I don’t.. I don’t want this to be a pity party before you leave or anything, but you just.. You had no right. It fucked me up.” Carter didn’t want to hurt him, he just wanted him to understand. “But… Stay safe, Liam. I want you to know it’s okay. It’s okay that this happened, because you’re human. We’re wired to fuck up. You and Evelyn have a special bond and I understand that. I can despise it all I want but that doesn’t lessen my understanding of it.” Carter felt his words starting to jumble together at this point. He was never too good at the whole coherent speaking thing. He gathered all the kindness he had left in him and took a crazy deep breath before the next words he were to utter. “I can’t forgive you right now, no. But, Liam… You always have a place here. Just know that.” Carter reached to put his hand on Liam’s shoulder and squeezed softly. “This is a promise to you that I will. Forgive you, that is. Because despite everything, Liam… You’re a good person, and I always saw that in you.” Carter couldn’t help but laugh, even though it seemed completely inappropriate. But for the first time in weeks he felt an emotional relief he almost didn’t recognize.

#emotional as fuck #c: carter

[wtvrliam]

He should have hated him, Liam agreed but couldn't find the strength to say it. He could have hated himself after doing what he had to Carter. Carter was the only guy here who he found friendship in, and like his relationship with Evelyn, he fucked this one up too. It was a curse with Liam, he couldn't make anything happy without finding a reason to turn happiness into sadness. "Please.. don't hate me. Carter, I know you should, I know you're not the man who would hate someone but.. you saying those words just lifted something off my chest. I just,I'm so so damn sorry for breaking you away from your shot at happiness. I want you to know that. That, that you have a second chance at it. I'm leaving for good and I'm not coming back and I want you know how grateful I am for having a friend like you in my short time that I was here. You are a good man, Carter Leed's. A great a man, better than any solider I've ever come close to." He paused to take in a breath of air. "I think throwing myself back into war will be good. Promise me that you'll make her happy, okay?"

Carter kept looking at the bags, as if trying to accept what Liam was telling him, but failing miserably. When questioned whether he hated the boy, Carter was torn. In his heart, Carter knew this was as close to hate as he’d ever get. But Carter wasn’t in the business of making anyone feel like they were hated. There was no worse feeling than that. However, he didn’t have to beg him to stay either. Even though there was a tiny part of Carter that wanted him to. “Liam, I…” He looked up and finally met his gaze. “.. I don’t think I’m capable of hate, so I don’t know. Will you settle for that? I don’t think I hate you. And it has been driving me insane, because I should, right? I should hate you.” Carter sighed deeply, as if a heavy burden had just left his mind and body. 

#c: carter #dONT AYE PLS ME #GO LOOK AT URSELF AND PLS

[wtvrliam]

Liam followed his gaze down to his bag once the door flew open, he swallowed hard and shook his head. "My bags, full of everything I need to go back over seas." He looked up from the ground and straight up at what was once his friend. "Do you hate me?" He asked quietly, part of him was expecting him to say yes and while the other part of him hoped Carter found it in him to forgive Liam for what he had done. "No..I'm not here to punch you."

Carter got up and left the kitchen area as soon as he heard the knock. He assumed it was someone trying to cheer him up or UPS. Since he was expecting a package, he decided to just go ahead and open the door. He missed the words escaping from the other side. And when the door was fully ajar, he discovered a different package than the one he’d been expecting. A Liam with bags. “Liam.. What are you doing here? What are those?“ He held out a hand and gestured towards the bags surrounding the slightly shorter boy. “If you’re here to punch me again.. I don’t know, you could just not.“ Carter cringed at his own attempt to keep the conversation lighthearted. He shouldn’t be. There was no reason for him to be.

#c: carter #naj pls #pls #plsplspls

[wtvrliam]

With his bags packed and ready to go, there was one thing he needed to mend. If it ever could be mended. Liam, with bags in hand, stalked to Carter's door and knocked on it softly. "Please, we need to talk. I-I need my friend." He croaked.

#c: carter

[wtvrliam]

He fumbled with the keys as he unlocked the door to the drivers seat but eventually he got it open and sat in. He started up that car and took a second to soak up this moment before getting the car in reverse.  He pulled out of the spot and drove off towards Manhattan. "I love you." He said quietly. He took one quicky glance at her before focusing back on the road. "I love you so much it hurts, Evelyn. Please for the love of god and all that is fucking holy in this world, don't talk back to me. I need you to hear that. Don't you ever leave knowing that I don't love you, I'll love you till my last breath on the battlefield. I love you." He said before keeping silent for the rest of the trip home.

closed: liam

#dont read this madie #c: evie #c: evelyn #let it end like this

[wtvrliam]

Explain your current situation to your five-years-ago self.

It gets worse. Bye.

[wtvrliam]

Liam soaked in her words like a wanted drug. Every word hit home. It was funny that she had to think he was leaving her with hate when it was the complete opposite. He had so much love for one stupid girl that it scared him more than anything, that he could love someone so much that it hurt. It hurt so much. When she finished, he answered with a small laugh. It sounded more mocking and dry than a genuine Liam Collins laugh that would come out around her. "Come on." Was all he said before leading her to their last goodbye. Maybe the silence was something they'd have to start getting used to.

closed: liam

#c: evie #c: evelyn

[wtvrliam]

His jaw clenched, blinking away the final set of tears he'll probably never shed again. "Three years.." He whispered after her. Three years, of writing back and forth -- of the smiles and feelings from one stupid letter after another. Words that made him happy more than any break from his base could. He remembered what is was like, waiting in his tent, on that cold and flat bed for someone to come in and tell him there's a letter for him and he'd know who it was from. He would never waste time ripping it open and reading it eagerly, sometimes he'd read it five times just to get it printed in his mind. To know he had a friend out there, just to know someone cared. Liam was never okay with the people he pushed out of his life, look at his parents for an exmaple. Two people who brought him into this world, who had sent him off to fight for a corrupt country. They never even checked up on him and for that he cut them out of his life. Part of him wasn't even sure if he wanted to leave Evelyn out of it, she was important. She was more than just a pretty face, more than just a friend he could tease, she was the love of his life and that doesn't happen often. You don't fall in love easily, at least not for him; but he loved her enough to let her go. Just for the sake of her happiness. "I'm going to go back..overseas. To make it easier, we  -- we won't be seeing each other after today." e avoided her look and stared down at the black asphalt instead. "Come on, it's getting late. I should get you home."

closed: liam

#c: evie #c: evelyn

[wtvrliam]

Liam didn't care who was watching, who was was passing by or who decided to stand a few feet away to see what was going down. "Just stop, just stop!" He shouted, loud enough to to hurt himself in a way. "I don't want to hear anything." Seeing as her tears slipped down her pale face touched by the cold, he felt  guilty for being the cause. Wasn't he always? He had made her cry before, what was different? What was different? "Maybe this is a sign, Evie. Maybe it's not supposed to be or meant to be or whatever the fuck people believe in. Fate is it? Maybe this isn't us. I tore you away from your one shot at happiness, I shouldn't have done this to you. You could have been with Carter -- not traumatized by the death of our child, by me. It should have been him, not me. I will hate myself everyday knowing a.. a part of you won't be the same. I'm truly sorry." He said more calmly, "I'm sorry for being in your life. There is no us, I'll drop you home and that's the last of us. I'm sorry, Evelyn." And that was it, all that took for him to break down in tears before her. 21 years worth of it, he tried to mask it by smiling but it was too much to hide.

closed: liam

#c: evie #c: evelyn #bc idk which one to tag

[wtvrliam]

"Answer me!" His voice rose, welcoming a few stares from guests waiting for whoever was coming to pick them up and bystanders walking tot heir cars. "I knew flying would have been bad, I knew it would have done something.. I-I, why didn't you listen to me?" His voice urged, cracking a little. He had lost a chance at a happy ending -- he was losing his dream and it wasn't bothering him one bit.

closed: liam

#i dont need this madie #c: evie

[wtvrliam]

Liam stood confused as to why she had to cry but then she said it, 13 letters, those four words. In some sense, Liam probably would have been glad to hear that he didn't need to have responsibilities or a child to look after because that meant the end to a lifetime of endless fun but, it was different with Evelyn. Maybe it was bound to happen, something was bound to go wrong. Something always did when he wanted to be happy. Maybe happiness was never cut out for him, it was never like that. "Y-you killed our baby?" He hadn't meant for it to come out that harsh. "What did you do Evie?

closed: liam

#im so angry bc im so tired for no reason #c: evie

[wtvrliam]

His fingers curled around hers and squeezed her hand, "Babe, it's okay. I'm here for you, shh -- you don't have to cry.." He whispered but stood there watching the color leave her face and her eyes lose their shine. I lost everything. Liam wasn't registering what was happening, was she giving their baby up? Was it because of her parents. "Evelyn, what are you talking about? You didn't lose anything. What did your parents say, are they not happy about you being pregnant? I'll knock sense into them okay. I swear." He cupped her face in his hands and wipes both of her cheeks with a smooth swipe with his thumbs. "It's okay, you didn't lose me. You got me and peanut." He rambled without seeing the big picture of the problem.

closed: liam

#c: evelyn

[wtvrliam]

His pace slowed as he neared her, something was wrong. The feeling only grew in his chest and spread to his stomach. He took careful steps towards her, the wide smile on his face that reflected in his blue eyes had never faded. "Hey there, where's that smile of yours silly?" He approached her finally and held her by the arms and placed a small kiss on her forehead. When he pulled back, to his dismay he saw tears and cocked an eyebrow. "Why are you crying? Did you miss me that much? How are my two loves? How's little peanut doing?" His eyes immediately shifted to her stomach before settling on her eyes. "Talk about what, Ev's?"

closed: liam

#c: evelyn

[wtvrliam]

The phone call with Evelyn earlier worried him, sure she had asked him to pick her up at the airport but head expected a hello or a little ramble about how her time went there. Something was off, and he didn't like it. He dodged traffic on the highway to JFK international, almost getting in an accident a few times, but nonetheless he drove into the arrivals area. At JFK there were two arts to the arrivals, the actual building they came from and another separate parking lot for them to stand in. He took a left into the parking lot and saw her figure a few feet down the road, sitting and hugging herself wearing nothing but a small sweater. He shook his head and parked the car before running to her with a wide smile. "Evie! Hey, welcome back!"

closed: liam

Evie stood on the curb, though her mind seemed to be miles away. She’d barely been discharged from the hospital this morning when she was already leaving for the airport, ready to board the next plane to New York. She’d wanted to be as far from home as possible, as far from the suffocating feeling of pity that seemed to surround her entire family as they’d stared down at her in that hospital bed, asking her why she hadn’t told them sooner. Before boarding the plane, Evie had texted Liam to tell him she’d need a ride, and now she stood outside waiting. The snow nipped at her thin sweater, but for once she couldn’t feel it, couldn’t enjoy the chilly air. Instead, Evelyn was numb, and as she waited for Liam’s car, the girl felt nothing but self-loathing. 

#c: evelyn

[wtvrliam]

@liamcolls: when you sit on your bed not wanting to cry, damn burrito

#tweet #ill be on him more this week