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I Don’t Write When I’m Not Shap.

It’s weird that things go in circles all the time. As much as they change , life in itself does not change at all. It does not become simpler to understand and it does not change. You change, though. I think that’s why we think that everything around us is forever changing, that life is forever changing. Is it weird to think that in some way , as humans we don’t want to face the change that we encourage through habits and surroundings. The you you want to to be vs the you you turned out to be. How do you contrast the two? You still have a clear image of everything you ever wanted but with the knowledge and wounds of experience. The experience that lead you to be who you are right now because you simply had to be this person to survive your situation. It’s arguably very inevitable of life that you will grow out of past tendencies and circles. You will form new conversations with different people who will inevitably form your train of thought and how you process information. Once that has happened I don’t see why someone wouldn’t change. As much as I believe in the physical change of the humanity body, the changes in the mind make more sense. From a young age we have always thought according to or surroundings. That’s because our train of thought had a single source of information being your parents. When you grow and form different friendships you are bound to learn about experiences and moments that happened in the lives of those around you. They start to form in your mind in start to change it. Bare in mind you don’t lose any information it’s just that new information has a larger effect on a lot of people. The point is that after the change, how do you contrast yourself? In this life , how do we set ourselves apart from our old selves? Life goes in circles because through every event that life throws our way, our character stays dominant. Who you are through the bullshit is who you will probably be when things finally settle. I titled this piece “I don’t write when I’m not shap” because it’s true. As much as I find comfort in sharing, I do not share when I’m not in the right state of mind. Deep down I think it’s just my ego trying to put a better side forward because I don’t take pride in sad emotions. All the circles and whirlpools I’m going through make me grow fond to life because I get to know myself. “Sometimes you have to step out of yourself to find out what you really want”. I lost all my focus but none of my ambition. I hit the brink of depression and anxiety but did not lose my spirit. All that I have lost is all that can be replaced - I just need to promise to myself that I won’t let myself down.

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If you need reassurance. Letter from future self.

If you have read anything I have written, you should know how I stress the significance of choices in life. I do believe that I am an intelligent human being. I have worked hard to get to the level that I am. The level that I think at. It's all because of the little choices that I have made in my short life. I do stray, a lot. Don't get me wrong, I am far from perfect. Sometimes the wrong choice seems like the right choice simply because it is the wrong time. I do not believe anything is left to chance. I do not believe in luck. I have set myself in believing that's everything in life is not pre set before you were born but built as you live your life. With your present choices determining your future conditions. It's not all choices- somethings aren't at your discretion. So factor everything else that happens around you that you do not control. The weather, the emotions of your girlfriend and maybe even your bank balance. From this you can sort of tell from your present how the next 3 months or even 3 years are going to play out. Bad (or wrong choices) happen everyday. Sometimes so far gone that you reap the consequences for a long time. It can be argued that the lessons that build you as a capable human are rooted in bad decisions. Humans grow more in challenge. What you've done determines what you will or will not do. Some decisions will be taken lighter than others. Some decisions will only have the illusion of being light but can completely change everything. Like falling in love young or taking on an extra module in university. This is not a definite equation. I don't think if you write down everything I've mentioned , you would be able to predict your life in the future. That would simply be called planning. We live for the mystery of life. Some of us like to live life in a sense of perpetual enigma. Knowing what's coming could make life very dull and boring. Spend some time outside of your body. Change yourself if you have to. Put yourself in positive positions to make certain choices easier for yourself. It's easier to make choices when you're happy. So make yourself happy and life should start to sort itself out. To myself: You are only 18. A plan should have been made but it is probably blurry. You know what you want and what you headed for but things in your current life may seem stagnant sometimes. Keep pushing. The heavens are your furthest reach. Love yourself, love your mother and love the world. Open your mind and heart to those who trust you. Shape the minds of those who respect you. Lead the ones who follow you. God bless your dreams and everyday hustle.

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Just Energy

There’s a certain love we all want. A love straight from the clouds. We want a love that is specially made for us. As if God had us in mind when he gave birth to our lover. As if the universe bows down to this love. We want a love straight from cupids heart. A love that stretches further than the ocean but is as warm as a mother. We long for a love stronger than the king of the jungle but as soft as content. A love without boundaries. A love without hate. A love without a second thought. We want a love that melts through our fingers. We want a love that just soars. A love that finds solitude in struggle. A love that finds hope is sadness. A love admired by the heavens. A love envied by God himself. We want a love that is neither understandable or containable. A love that defies all laws of human nature. A love that defines love. A love that cancels out weakness. A love that builds on broken spirits. A love that revives even the most torn apart. A love that resonates the ability of man to be selfless. A love that gives birth to joy. A love without regret or envy. A love that knows what it is to be alive. A love most will never know but those who do will live forever. We want a love sculptured by Da Vinci, painted by Picasso, composed by Beethoven , delivered by baby Jesus and sang by the Angel of new life. We want a love we take pride in every morning. A love with no demands. A love with no need for compromise because we are just that in-sync. A love many will die without experiencing. A love controlled fully by just energy. Just energy.

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Ultralight Beam.

Ask me how I am doing today and I probably wouldn't be able to answer. If you read all my posts from last year you will notice the excitement I had for life and everything that is coming ahead. Now it is not that all the excitement is out the window but life is finally happening.

I have learned that it isn't easy to be happy with life while it is happening. There's excitement for the future but also lessons in the past but just numbness in the present. Life after high school is basically like swimming in an endless pool just waiting to take the next breath. Do not get me wrong though, I am not complaining about anything. I was once told that, "You cannot cry about having a lot on your plate when your goal was to eat.". That is just it. My goal was/is to eat, eat like a king in fact. So it is all a matter of motivation. Daily self motivation. Being able to constantly give yourself reasons to keep moving forward even if you think you can't. To be able to take the first step even if you cannot see the entire staircase.

I have learned a lot from a lot of people in my short life. Most things I learn from these people are things that they do not even know that they are teaching me. You cannot teach (or preach) things such as perseverance, dedication , creativity and hope. These are things that people can only show other people by living their lives to the fullest.

So I do believe that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I believe that there is a path out of troubles. I believe that your dreams should not change when you do not get your way. I believe in me (you).

YOU CANNOT HAVE HONESTLY THOUGHT THAT THE ROAD TO YOUR GOOD LIFE WAS GOING TO BE EASY. IT IS NOT. BUT DO IT ANYWAY. YOU CAN NEVER TRULY BE HAPPY UNTIL YOU HAVE CONQUERED YOUR FEARS & FAILURES AND HAVE ACHIEVED YOUR GOALS.

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Trying here to be a better person. I don't know what urges me lately to try a bit harder but I am. I know with growth comes responsibility but this is different. This is that strong feeling within a person that says that you're no longer where you were so you cannot act like you did. It's the subconscious realization that change is needed. This change is easy because you do not even feel it, you literally wake up one day and realize that you are not you anymore but you are content. Things and people around you change everyday, nothing can really stop this. It is the mind and body's natural reaction to try and keep up. We often ignore our natural change or rather just take it for granted. We think that all good change is induced by us and us alone. That is the humans ego taking credit for all things good but denying all things bad. This year oh ace learned that most things really do happen for the sake of progression - good and bad. The bad was sent into your life for the same reason the good was. To see how you react to challenges and pull through a better person. This is my first post of 2016 so I really don't want to judge the qualities of the year too quickly but for most people my age it should be the best and worst year of your life. This simply just means more challenges to better yourself - physically , mentally and spiritually. The oblivious will remain in a stalemate and the open minded will find grace in hardship and humility in success. DON'T FORGET TO REFLECT. IT IS ALWAYS IMPORTANT TO LOOK BACK ON EVERYTHING THAT HAS HAPPENED AND WHAT IT HAS DONE TO YOU.

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How to really address the mother of all problems.

Okay, we are basically done with high school. Which means that time consuming excuses as to why we can’t get ahead stop now. We are at a position where what you want to do vs what you need to do don’t compete anymore. You have to juggle them both.

This meaning that you have to find a way to make money while studying to keep your prescribed life plan in order. This is a whole lot more responsibility than high school has taught you, isn’t it? High school has to taught you how to keep out of poverty  when you have money to protect. Not how to keep out of poverty when you don’t have anything to begin with. The modern social system has flaws. Loads of them. Even when the number of unemployed youth has tried to force change, the system remains because there is no other system known to work better. The government won’t tell 600 000 matriculants to not apply for student loans but to rather apply for business loans.

The current social system does not promote risk amongst the youth but it is understandable. That would only increase the number of youth unemployed . This now raises the question as to how do we change the social system to promote youth wealth without messing with the fundamental running of the country and its economy? Yes we do want as many young people in tertiary institutions as possible but increase the number of them who actually end up using their tertiary education in their lives. Accounting graduates are working in restaurants as waiters. Why is it that someone with such a sought after degree is doing soemthing so below them? I understand that the economy is tight and jobs are few. Why is it that someone who was professionally taught certain economic disciplines fails to find a way forward? The problem is foundation and secondary education.

Primary and high schools do not teach students how to really deal with the real problems that will arise in life. They do not teach real entrepreneurship, economic leadership or political savvy. All the things a young person would need to get ahead in the real life with or without a degree. What they do teach is how to follow rules and ask before standing up. They teach you chains of command from an early age. From class captain to teacher to head of grade to head of department to vice principal to principal to head of district to head of province and then eventually to the minister of basic education. From the onset you already have it configured in your mind that to get something done for yourself it has to be approved by a chain of people “above you”.

The current social system has to be broken from its roots. We need to stray away from the idea that the only way to succeed is to piggy back on education. Education is vital but only when you get to choose how you educate yourself and then eventually how you choose to implement your education. Really no one is to blame for this. Everyone (government) is doing what they know best. There will always be someone (me) to say otherwise and provide an alternative route to your financial wellbeing.

Educate yourself from a young age in ways that you think will be beneficial to your future but do not shy away from formal education. Any education is used fundamentally to solve problems. So be sure that the one you chose is the right one to solve the problems that you will face in your early adulthood.

#adulthood #make money #youthproblems #finacialfreedom

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[Credit: Casper Biemans]

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Life is long, opinions change.

Robert California (via ryanpanos)

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I'm living in my past because that's where I was happy. That's where you were.

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I really would not have it any other way. My life, that is. Well the current state that it is in. I lost a partner and gained a best friend. I know this sounds a bit cliché but I am realistic and reality has proven - for years and years- that love does not fade over night. Love is energy of sort. And as physics states, energy cannot be lost or destroyed. It can only be transferred to another body and used. This is what happened, the energy of love was transferred over to an everlasting friendship.

I am not saying that I am comfortable with the way things are or happy with how everything turned out but really, it could have been worse. You could have hated me or worse, I could have hated you. Again I am realistic, what could I possibly hate though? I don't understand how in society people fall in love and then the minute they break up they tell the world that their former partner was a "hoe", "slut" or my favourite one - a "fuckboy" . This to me goes to show that the love you so dearly cherished was more commercial then a keeper of the heart. Relationships are growth and you chose to grow with that person. No matter the outcome, I was in love with you. That was a choice I made all on my own. So I am not happy or sad - content is the word. Content is what we feel when we have reached a place we have long sought after or when things have happened in a way you did not expect and you cannot change it. Being content does not necessarily mean that you have given up. It just means that a plan is in place, not your plan though. The plan of the universe. The universe in the case of love is like a reserved parent that only intervenes when it is absolutely necessary.

Now that you know that everything is safe. There comes the process of forgiving and healing. This is not as hard as people make it out to be. Pick a direction and just keep walking. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying run away. No. Walk forward, don't look back. Be calm and steady in your stride, think carefully about what you're doing and just keep walking. Life when it comes to matters of the heart is like a train that never stops. All you have to do is keep walking so that you do not slam against the back of the train.

Yes you loved her, Yes, you still love her. Chances are you will still love her tomorrow. That's not so bad. Love hurts when it is being suppressed. It is like popping a pimple and getting 5 more. The only logical (tried and tested) solution is the illusion of time. Time heals all wounds. It doesn't necessarily take away all the pain but it replaces then with amicable memories. So you haven't forgotten but neither do you remember what it was like. Being human and dealing with emotions is natural. There is no other way to put it. It can't be trained or bought. You just deal - and smile while doing it.

Thank you life. Thank you God. Thank you, you.

#growth #life #relationships #end of time

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At some point.

I don't know how we got here. I really don't, I wish I did because then maybe I could explain how I came to feel like this. Time is a sneaky illusion. With us it tricked us into believing that maybe we'd be in a recurring cycle forever and never anything more. So we never prepared for anything more, we got comfortable. We lived in each other's hearts but in someone else's arms.

So explain to me how we got here. I honestly do not understand because if I did then maybe I could propose something more sensible to you. Something more sensible being something that would suit both our lives. Lessen the complication. Affirm the emotions - you know, love. Not a relationship per say but something that could keep us both happy and most of all something we could both understand.

I need to understand how we got here. If I understood then maybe I could have stopped it from happening or maybe even helped it happen. If I had caught it earlier then maybe, just maybe I could have seen if it is real. Real enough to let it live. This is big, this is huge. I don't know how to feel about it and neither do you. We're like two people on the exact same island but on different ends of the world. One cannot advise the other on survival.

I really must know how we got here. If I knew how we got here maybe we could offer a way out of whatever this is. Provided we (you) want a way out. What if this is what life should be like? What if this is fate coming into play? Could it be that we are meant to be. After all we've been through. Is this where we find ourselves? Together? Maybe we don't need to know how we got here and just be grateful that we are here. Maybe we do not need to question anything and just love.

 THIS IS FICTIONAL THINKING

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Soul-feed.

The challenge of honesty exists and it is a huge challenge. We do not realize how many people lie to one another on a daily basis. Furthermore, we ourselves do not realize how much we lie to ourselves. Small lies like " I no longer eat carbs" or big lies like "I am in love with this person and wish to spend my life with them".

Inner lies are the hardest to get out of because once you are able to convince yourself then you have probably convinced everyone else. Which means that you are living a lie everyday and everyone around you is helping you lie. As growth happens, I have come to realize that making choices is a 'before & after' job. You can no longer just make a choice and live happily ever after. You have to maintain that choice and make sure that it is the right choice until you admit to yourself that it wasn't. Once you start regretting a choice but continue trying to maintain it, that is where we begin to lie to ourselves.

This is easy because we over-evaluate everything. It is easier to continue to lie than to face the truth. The truth in the moment usually has no bright side, so we'd rather live the lie - forever if we have to. Someone once said to me that when you are born, you resemble a tree. A tree that only grows straight up, with no branches. Once you start making choices (bad ones to be specific), that is when you branch. The branch represents the different life that you must now grow and maintain but this makes the trunk of the tree weaker as more branches grow. So in the end, you (the trunk) can no longer grow because all your energy goes towards nurturing your bad choices (habits and lies) which is equivalent to another life on its own.

Dishonesty is a simple disease. With a simple cure. Honesty. Life is simply way too short to live in paranoia because you are too afraid of being caught in a lie. I understand that it is usually not easy taking back a bad choice or a lie but for a healthy and prosperous life, it is necessary.

Put careful thought when it comes to decision making. Think twice before you open your mouth to tell a lie. Take a deep breath before you do something dishonest. If you live your life like this, your tree grows like a beanstalk in an endless sky. We are way to young to be living life in emotional debt (owing the truth to numerous people) . It has been proven that a healthy life is that with less stress and more happy vibes.

This is just one of the things that contribute to a carefully well managed life and a generally good soul. This just makes achieving everything else so much easier. Cut down on what you don't like or don't want to do and give more time & energy to the things that you feel will better your life physically, mentally and emotionally.

#leadership #life #growth #honesty #spritual

[bangwealth-health]

Self Entitlement.

In order to respect yourself you really need to know what your position is in someone else's life. It is one thing to be lied to but it is another thing to lie to yourself about where you stand with another person. In life, most of us tend to overrate ourselves in someone else's life. We think that people love/like us more than they actually do. There are two ways to explain this. It is either the person you're with is lying to you and letting you believe that they love you more than they actually do (if at all) or you are trying to compensate for all the love (and attention) you don't give yourself.

One of the most important things in a relationship (especially a romantic relationship) is independence. Fine, I understand that you're part of a team now and you need to communicate with and rely on the other person. But don't lose yourself in the process. Don't give the power of your value to someone else. Once you wait for someone else to tell how important/loved you are that is where your independence goes out the window. The trick here is being able to realize and accept the truth. If someone does not value you, it usually very easy to see but because of the ignorance of being in love, we usually over look all the signs.

Find yourself and know yourself well. Know that first and foremost you are the most important person in your life. Once you are able to understand and be confident in your value, you will begin to see whether someone else values you or not. The goal (ultimately) for everyone SHOULD BE: happiness, confidence, self-worthiness and content in ones self. If someone is taking away the ability for you to feel this way then someone is blocking the progression of your life.

A lack of self confidence is usually seen in our ability to over value material (cars, clothes and money). The attention that we should be giving ourselves, we are giving it to everything/everyone around us and this is not healthy. Know how you want to live your life and who you want to live it with. Set goals to get rid of or gain some friends. Value who you are as a person before everything else. Love yourself. Take good care of yourself. Watch how quickly things change for the better.

#change #value

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Do you?

Do you believe? Do you believe that maybe the wind blows stronger because we are apart. Maybe the sun shines brighter with our distance. Do you believe that the birds chirp louder at our time separated. Do you maybe believe that there is more traffic on the roads because I won't see you today? Or maybe the clouds move faster at our silence. Just maybe taxis louder hoot because you are not here, with me. Do you believe that the turn of every page is louder because I am not there, with you. Or maybe there is more litter on the ground. More gases in the air. More war in the middle east. More weapons in Russia. More crime in Johannesburg. Less learning in universities. More shootings in high schools. More rape in India. More ice in the Atlantic. Another wall in Germany. Another Stalin in Russia. Mugabe with 30 more years in power. Slower Jamaican sprinters. Slower, weaker, worse everything.

What I am trying to say is that what if the peace in the world is dependent on the state of our relationship? What if I told you, for things to go right everywhere in the world you and I have to be alright wherever we are. Do you maybe believe that our time apart breaks the balance of the universe. This would mean that you and I would (should) spend every minute of every moment together but this would not be for us, this would be for the peace of the world. Do you believe enough in us?

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The Beauty in The Making_

You know, one of the best things about being young is the ability to "wing it". When someone 'wings it' it usually means that they have no solution to the problem at hand. Which is not wrong. Life problems are solved via experience so what experience do we have at 18? Therefore we wing it. We say or do things knowing that they could possibly come back to haunt us yet see no hassle in this.

This is a question of age. How old do you have to be for your problems to finally make sense to you and if your problems make sense does this mean that the solution should be evident? When you reach this age there is no more room to do as you please, there is no room to not think about the consequences. This is finally where they take away the beauty of being you : the beauty in the making.

As young as I am, I have been through many problems that I felt are above me. This leads to doubt in ones self as to why you cannot overcome certain things or why you cannot react in a certain way. Problems are miscellaneous. They root from anything, everything and everywhere. Being young makes the problem solving cycle much easier because you're not obliged to know what to do when everything goes wrong. You're not old enough to understand why most things happen as they do.

Look, I don't have the answers to most questions I ask whilst I'm young. Money, love, sex, responsibility, growth? I don't. What I do have is the ability to see the beauty in the abnormal things of growing up. Which is something all young people should have. This ability roots from creativity, naivety, vulnerability and love. When you cannot see the solution to a life problem you laugh at the causes, the roots and the results of the problem because at the age that you're at, there is still a mystical beauty about growing up and tripping along the way.

This just leads us back to self development. Learning to make/keep yourself happy is one of the most fundamental disciplines in the world. Keep your mind creative and open while you're young. Don't pay mind to problems. If you do not get the answer it is not the end of the world. there will always be more problems to practice on. And this answers the question of age: youth is a continuous practice run, problems are infinite but there is beauty in making yourself.

#self development #growth #discipline

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Gold Aventador AU79 (by Nue Vue Photography)

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