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daiziesssart · 17 hours

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in the universe where sirius is the first to find out that lily likes james — properly, seriously, undeniably fancies him — james has already expressed his desire to give up and move on and forget and other things along these lines. honestly sirius can't remember the exact details; he might have zoned out when the speech started to get a bit repetitive (which tends to happen during james's Lily Speeches TM). and, anyway, the relevant thing right now is just that at the end of that particular Lily Speech TM, james was like, no one remind me of her, okay, no one talk to me about her, i'm Moving On, i'm serious, which of course proceeded to derail them all because of course sirius had to go, no, i'm sirius actually. at that point the conversation had already gotten so convoluted and moot remus just opted to walk out, main point having been provided already (see: james is officially Moving On), dragging peter out of the room with him.

and, like, another factor to consider here, if you have a bit more time, is that the whole fucked up prank thing with snape is still kind of fresh-ish around this time. remus and sirius just started talking again. james is no longer looking at sirius with that gut-wrenching Look Of Doubt. (unbeknowst to sirius currently, this will be his brain's reference for vivid nightmares years later, when he's in azkaban and there's nothing else to do but bask in another fuck-up. the biggest one of his life. the Royal Fuck-Up, if you will, so big all his other fuck-ups might as well have not existed at all in their littleness.)

(but that's later.)

right now, post-prank, pre-james and lily dating and everything else that comes with that, the marauders are back to normal at last is what i'm saying. back to normal more or less. lessons were learned and lines were drawn and people are changed for the better, you know? and sirius will be the first to tell you now that what he did was fucked up, that he fucked up, and that at the core of that fuck-up was him being careless about a secret that was not his and had no business running his mouth around about. that is why, now, even though he's dying to, he doesn't tell james. it's not his secret. (and lily clearly doesn't want it shared.)

he doesn't tell james that the girl he's been in love with since forever has been looking at him A Certain Way for a while now, that she keeps ambushing sirius for half-hour interviews with questions like, what was he like as a kid? what's his favorite color? what does he like to eat for breakfast? like sirius gave birth to and raised the guy himself or something. (by the way: loud and rambunctious, gryffindor red, and, most recently, sunny side up eggs and applewood smoked bacon and buttered salt bread if he has time, just a banana yogurt drink if he doesn't. you're welcome.)

he doesn't tell james that lily evans cried for like three hours in that secret alcove on the astronomy tower when james kissed jeanne marchbanks in front of everyone at the slaghorny party (a stupid thing benjy fenwick came up with; supposed to parallel slughorn's party where most of them are not invited to), and the kiss was lasvicious and lasted long enough to be worthy of the stupid party name. horny slags alright. everyone cheered of course. even sirius, actually. just for, like, solidarity. and only for the first three seconds, swear. only until he noticed lily by the door, still dressed formally, just arrived, it seemed, and presumably just snuck out of slughorn's. she was wide-eyed and open-mouthed and ashen at the sight. then she was turning around, heading back out. the portrait door had already swung close after her and james's damn tongue was still down marchbanks' throat. so. you know. great. spectacular.

sirius grabbed as many beers as he could hold from the alcohol stash and gestured to remus that he would be out. remus seemed concerned and curious, but otherwise said nothing. asked no questions. just nodded.

ten minutes later (he had to use the map, because christ that woman could power walk), lily was crying on his shoulder and cursing like a sailor. i like him, what the fuck. what do i do now. this is terrible. what the fuck do i do.

and sirius didn't know. how the fuck was he supposed to know what to do. he could barely handle himself. he just kinda sat there and let her cry. offered her beer. opened the bottles for her. held the bottles for her when she kept doing these impassioned hand gestures as she talked, almost smashing one against the wall by her own head (very james of her, sirius noted). chanted not my secret not my business not my secret not my business in his head like a mantra.

the problem though, is that he's sure this is the girl james is going to marry. and it's not like, some corny gut feeling or some shit. i mean sure there's some of that, maybe. but most of it is proper evidence-based. like james and lily's mutual stupidity about being in love, and lily's easy dynamic with their silly little group, and sirius's unquestionable expertise in all things james potter. he's not gonna write a fucking essay about it, okay, but lily is definitely long-term, sirius is certain. and he doesn't want to just — do nothing.

so that night, on the astronomy tower, just for something to do, he asked lily, "hey, do you like dogs?"

and she's so surprised by the randomness of it she actually laughed, tear-streaked and all. "what?"

"do you like dogs?"

"yes...? who doesn't?"

"dunno. cat people?"

"ah, i do like cats, too. i like both, i guess."

"what if it's, like, a really big dog?"

"i — what are you talking about?"

he thought about it one last time. then, very seriously: "i can turn into a dog."

she blanked for a bit. then, "but that's — "

"illegal, yeah."

"huh." she didn't seem alarmed, or maybe she wasn't yet, then. she just seemed like — she was trying to figure him out. "why are you telling me this right now?"

"i thought it would... cheer you up or something." it suddenly seemed very silly. "never mind."

she laughed again, this time closer to not-gonna-cry-again territory. "you can't just tell someone about illegal shit and be all, never mind. that's crazy."

he shrugged. "i know you won't tell."

"how do you know? i'm a prefect. i could very well tell."

"because you're you. and it's me." and it's james.

"what does that mean."

"just take it as you will."

"i don't know how to take it at all."

sirius felt slightly annoyed then. "then don't take it. just forget it."

she was still looking at him like he's a jigsaw puzzle, and his pieces were all scattered about. but at least now she had officially stopped crying. thank god. "can you do it easily?" she asked. "turn and then turn back? or do you need time and stuff?"

"i can do it both ways pretty much on command now."

"you've been drinking though."

he returned the jigsaw puzzle look. it's — it was just such a lily evans thing to say, is all. it was very distinctly lily evans to consider that. "it's okay," he said. "should be fine."

she was quiet. she still wasn't crying anymore, but she was — she'd gotten contemplative. "padfoot," she said quietly after some time, more to herself than anything.

and he thought, then, that he should've known. that of course she would figure it out that quick. the nicknames become pretty obvious once you're in on one. he wondered if she was thinking about the rest of them, figuring out that it's not just him. wondered what she was making of moony. if she thought of them less. if — god — sirius had fucked up once again and just made her think of james less, which was really what mattered.

"it's just me," he said, scrambling, then instantly feeling stupid. yeah. nice save, dumbass. "i swear."

"okay," was all she said. and — she knew. she knew then, for sure. and sirius started panicking a bit. but then she smiled, and it was a kind, understanding smile, classic lily, and he's not quite sure how she did (slash does) it, but it was suddenly like it's perfectly alright that she did know, that he didn't have to elaborate or worry about anything.

(he knows because it's the exact same feeling, the same brand of magic as james opening his fucking mansion door summer previous, looking at the state of sirius and then saying, you look fucking terrible, come in, not questioning the bag containing his entire sorry life and taking him in, forever, like he's lived there all his life.)

(they both chase sirius's panic out, is the thing. so easily.)

then, she asked, "can you do it now?"

he choked on his drink, mid-swig. "now? like, turn?"

"yeah."

"why? you don't believe me?"

"no. i just thought you were offering. to 'cheer me up or something'."

"um. yeah, okay. sure."

not long after that, after laughing at the absurdity of the giant black dog suddenly in her presence, her chortles started morphing back into sobbing, in the way high emotions shift and blur into each other sometimes. he let her, curling up best he could in that alcove, and she cried, and held on, and — well, that's how the whole padfoot thing started.

as in this thing where james comes to dinner holding hands with jeanne tonight and lily drops her fork and looks at sirius dead in the eye, and just goes, right there at the gryffindor table in the great hall, sirius in the middle of chewing a mouthful of chicken, "padfoot, can i talk to you? now?"

and of course everyone is bewildered. no one calls sirius black that besides the boys. the last non-marauder moron who tried it got the worst of the Signature House Of Black Glares, the one that must be a nonverbal jinx by the way it leaves you jelly-limbed and dry-mouthed and unable to even glance at sirius's general direction for the next ten business days.

and lily evans just. so nonchalantly did it.

but even more bewildering to everyone, for sure: sirius looking right back at her, zero glare, taking his time swallowing and not fazed at all. then, after primly wiping his mouth with a napkin, he smiles, gets to his feet, and says, "alright."

—

for @jilymicrofics' prompt for may 3: map. except it's 1,700+ words lol so it's now for @jilymicro-oops :)

i realized there's also azkaban thrown in there, so it's also an advance entry for may 15. thanks for reading!

writing tag // ao3

#fic rec #me @ james: why i oughta #he didn’t do anything tbh but i gotta run defense for my girl lily no matter what #jily

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daiziesssart · 2 days

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jily au idea 👀

#jily #literally them

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daiziesssart · 4 days

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just in case you’re curious what has suddenly taken over my entire brain

#peter and mj are so jilyism it’s actually insane #they’re like clones #there’s also them as an older married couple with a kid #and peter is scruffy and wears glasses and mj is a mild #tell me that’s not jily #jily #i don’t usually like putting my dumb personal posts in the tags but i feel this is important #someone spread this agenda with me #i’m drawing fanart rn

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daiziesssart · 5 days

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"good summer, so far?" asks james.

"it's okay, considering," lily answers honestly. "you?"

"'s'alright. considering what?"

"the state of things in general. more attacks, the protests, purists on the wizengamot..."

he slams a jar back on the shelf, startling her. "oh — sorry... yeah, that's — yeah. it really sucks. it's been infuriating. and i bet it's even — i can't even begin to imagine what it's like for you. i'm sorry."

"ah, i'm alright, more or less. personally faring okay. just, you know, reading the papers has been... terrible."

"god. anything i can do at all?"

"make me a pureblood?"

"that's sad as fuck, evans."

she chuckles. "yeah, no. i didn't really mean that."

"i mean, i can make you a potter, but a pureblood, no."

"you can make me a potter?"

"i — " there's a brief moment where he just looks at her and presumably debates on whether or not to backtrack. because of course lily knows what it meant. of course she knows the implication; she just can't believe he'd be so upfront with it. she remembers christmas — i want to be your friend, if that's okay, his dreamy smile in the firelight — and expects him to wave the whole potter thing off as a joke now, turn it into some clever wordplay, but — "well, yeah," he just plows on, decidedly matter-of-fact. "if we get married, you can become one."

she was going to fluster him. but he beat her to it and now she doesn't quite know what to say. she settles for okay, noted, a breathy rush of words, scratchy thing lodged in her throat. she looks away, pretends to check the price tag of the nearest jar. hundreds of frog eyes stare back at her.

james is quiet. when she steals a glance at him, he's biting his bottom lip, clearly trying to supress a smile.

"shut up," she says, breaking into a chuckle herself.

he laughs. "you turned so red," he says. "i'm so sorry."

"because who says that," she retorts. "who the fuck asks someone to marry them in an apothecary. at their place of work. like that."

"evans, i didn't ask you to marry me — "

"well good because that was such a lousyass proposal — "

"i'm insulted that you'd even think that's how i would propose — "

"how would you propose then?"

this seems to stump him, and lily thinks, hey, here's her moment of victory, this pause, a natural turn of the conversation wherein she finally has the upper hand. her turn to make him blush now. except she feels suddenly just as floundered. also — how the hell did they get so close? she takes a step back, having more room behind her, the flecks of light in his glasses still branded in her vision. he sags in an exhale, grip tight on the jars in his hands.

"not like that," he says, still smiling (thank god). when she looks up at him again, safe distance away, his gaze is intent, a serious, earnest way about him. "i wouldn't propose to you like that."

— bad day wall pt. 2 (read on ao3)

#AGGGAHHHSHHHHBEH SO GOOD #fic rec #jily #FUUUUUUUUJCK

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daiziesssart · 5 days

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i now see how many typos are in that post bc i was crashing while finishing it LMFAO

#i shall fix in a mo

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daiziesssart · 5 days

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First off, can I just say that I love your style?? Your line work is so nice and you make characters so expressive. I recently came across your art while searching up Jily (out of boredom lol) and thought your style looked really familiar. Then I realized I saw your atla art a few years ago. Excited to see what more you create <3 Second, and I’m sorry for bringing up discourse 🫠 but I honestly appreciate reading your and your friends’ takes on Lily. It's almost frustrating seeing people (1/2)

OMG!!! thank you SO MUCH! and yes, i’ve gotten “wait, YOU drew [insert atla fanart here]????” LOLLL i’m glad our paths have crossed again, anon!

also, please never apologize! i love talking about lily and i LOVE character analysis! anyone who has adhd can probably relate but two of my hyperfixations are the marauders and doing in depth psychological analysis on character pffft

i agree with everything you said 100%, omg. it’s so frustrating especially because it feels as though, not only (male) death eater characters are given more grace, but they’re also explored more and have more ‘fanlore’

you've actually inspired me to respond in depth about lily's character and how she's perceived and. embarrassingly enough, it went far beyond the max character limit for answers to asks. so i made a separate post about it here

anyways THANK U again for the lovely message <333

#ask #anonymous

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daiziesssart · 5 days

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a humiliatingly long character analysis of lily evans

Someone sent me an ask that briefly mentioned how misunderstood Lily is, and before I knew it I was typing out this monster. I am. sorry. This is literally just me rambling about her, what I find compelling about her character, and why her character is so often misunderstood.

This is long as hell so I'm putting it under a read more lolol

Part of the reason I like Lily so much (other than my being ginger and projecting onto any redheaded female character I see) is that even though she isn’t explored as much as her other Marauders Era counterparts, we know enough about her to start building the framework for her character. And what I see is a girl who was incredibly interesting, kind, and flawed.

One thing I always think about in regards to Lily is that she was dealt with a pretty unfair hand. As soon as she receives her letter, she’s basically torn between two worlds, both of which have been less than welcome to her. On one hand, we have the muggle world that she’s known all her life, but once she starts integrating into the wizarding world, she likely feels a bit of a disconnect with that world. To twist the knife further, her sister- whom she loved dearly and grew up so close with- starts outwardly resenting her with such unbridled hostility that they likely couldn’t even be in a room alone together without major conflict.

On the other hand, we have the wizarding world– a world she’s not as familiar with and one she soon learns holds a demographic of people who hate everything she is and would rather see her excommunicated or even dead. And even though finding out you’re a witch/wizard is probably such an exciting and life-changing moment, I can’t help but also take note of the difficulties, especially if you’re the only one in your family with magic. You’re essentially uprooted from the only way of life you’ve known at an already complicated age, and now you have to quickly become acclimated to this new world that you only just found out existed. Not only that, but now you’re suddenly attending a school with classes that are primarily focused on this world of magic (which is still brand new to you), and you have to work extra hard to play catch up in order to do well. Like, that all seems like… a lot for a kid to handle.

And then I remember how young she was when she was thrown into that mess. She was only 11, and kids that age desperately crave any sense of belonging. I mean, that’s something that still holds true for adults, but it’s especially critical for a developing child. So imagine Lily, ages 11-15, struggling to stay afloat in this weird purgatory between these two parts of herself, both of which have been the cause for major and traumatic experiences relating to rejection in her life.

(I say it was the “cause” even though it’s obvious that those things were never her fault at all, but when you’re a young kid navigating the world, the only thing you’re able to process is that the common denominator is you, therefore you’re the one who must shoulder the blame.)

So now we have this tween-teenaged girl who has a dysfunctional relationship with two major parts of identity and probably feels absolutely lost.

This is why her hesitancy to end her friendship with Snape makes sense to me. Even though by fifth year he’s already well past toeing the line with the dark arts, Lily was willing to overlook some pretty egregious and troubling things in order to maintain the relationship. I kind of interpret that as her way of desperately clinging on to any sense of belonging she has left; her relationship with Petunia has already been poisoned, and now there are people who resent her existence as a witch; if she loses Severus too, what and who else does she have? And what tone does that set for her, if everyone and everything she’s come to hold close to her ends up turning her away?

It’s also important to note that not only is Severus one of her few remaining connections to the muggle world, but he’s also a wizard who grew up in the muggle world; he understands her, and I don’t doubt that he gave her some stability at times when she needed it (her finding out about her being a witch, her having trouble acclimating to the wizarding world, etc).

I see this as being one of her flaws and I can actually appreciate how relatable and realistic it feels. Lily is not a bad person; on the contrary, you’d be hard pressed to find anyone to describe her as such. Not to get all clinical and boring, but the interesting thing about (unhealthy) coping mechanisms is that it can actually be really hard to identify them in your own behavior. Unless you’re in therapy and/or are actively psychoanalyzing yourself, you likely don’t even realize how many of your common behaviors are born from self defense mechanisms put in place by your brain after past events.

To me, it makes sense why she avoided actually confronting the idea that Snape was too far gone. We know that she was aware of the path Severus was taking, but it almost seems like she was still convinced that she could save him, and could possibly steer him back in the right direction. It’s only when she becomes the target of his bigotry that she realizes that the Snape who called her a ‘mudblood’ was not the same Severus who was the one who held her hand and introduced her to this new, exciting world.

In a general sense, yes, it is selfish, to only take a stand when something starts affecting you personally. But I also think it’s important to note that it’s unlikely that this was a conscious decision on Lily’s part. In my eyes, it was easier to delude herself into thinking she still had a chance to save him before it was too late when she was able to separate him from his actions (considering, a lot of the time, she was only hearing about them after the fact, rather than seeing them firsthand). But the elusion is shattered once she sees that the Snape she grew up with– her friend, Severus– is, in fact, the same person who’s out there calling other students slurs, dismissing the malicious use of Dark Magic on others as just “a laugh”. There we see a Lily who is actually revealed to have been somewhat aware of Snape’s involvement with the darker side of magic, and genuinely feels pretty ashamed about her inaction.

Also, this is in no way me being a Snape-anti, and I actually could do an entire separate analysis on his character alone and why I find him so interesting.

Anyways, that moment in SWM is probably somewhat of an epiphany to her. It’s like a dam that’s been broken, and now she’s overwhelmed with the realization of exactly how much she overlooked in order to keep their friendship afloat. And for someone like Lily Evans, someone whom we know is opinionated and unafraid to call others out on their bullshit, that can be hard to swallow and feel pretty mortifying and shameful. And I think this was a huge turning point for her- at that point, she doesn’t have the luxury of avoiding uncomfortable truths anymore and now that she’s getting closer to graduating and being thrown out into the world on the brink of war, this was probably a really sobering discovery.

This is where we don’t have as much info to go off of, and a lot of it is up to interpretation. But we actually have little crumbs to go off of following her graduation and leading up to her death.

One of my favorite little tidbits isn’t in the books, and @seriousbrat's post reminded me about it. Here's the actual entry on Pottermore for anyone who's interested, but I'll summarize: after James and Lily began dating, Lily brings James to meet newly engaged Petunia and Vernon. Everything goes downhill, because Vernon is a smarmy asshole, and James is still pretty immature and can’t help but mess with him (which… fair, I guess). Petunia and Vernon storm out after Petunia letting Lily know that she had no intentions of having her as a bridesmaid, which causes Lily to break down into tears. I mention this because I also think it’s a pretty important aspect of her character; like we’ve seen in her past friendship with Snape, Lily seems more than willing to forgive others most of the time. Petunia is a bit of a complicated character herself, but she was objectively very cruel and unfair to Lily once it became obvious that she was a witch and Petunia was not.

Something that always stands out to me is just how desperate Lily is to earn Petunia’s trust and approval again. Even up until her death, she was more than willing to mend the relationship, were Petunia ever to consider.

This is a detail about Lily that I feel is misunderstood quite a bit. I’ve seen a lot of instances of her character being reduced to a one-dimensional archetype with little to no complexity. And often, that archetype is “know-it-all, prudish, self righteous bookworm who is also a goody two-shoes with a stick up her ass”. What annoys me is that the reason for this is most definitely the scene in which she blows up at James in SWM for bullying Snape, and hurls quite a few insults at him directly after an extremely devastating and overwhelming situation for her. This frustrates me because we know for a fact that she’s the polar opposite of this archetype I’ve seen her reduced to.

In actuality, she’s referred to as popular, charming, witty, bright and kind. From flashbacks we also are shown that she’s opinionated, bold, and not afraid to challenge others. With other context, like her interpersonal relationships, we can also see that she’s pretty emotionally driven and wears her heart on her sleeve.

(I know Remus didn’t mention Lily much in the books, but I really love how he described her in the movies. He tells Harry that the first thing he noticed about him was not his striking resemblance to his father, but his eyes, the same eyes Lily had. He also calls her a “singularly gifted witch” and an “uncommonly kind woman”.

“She had a way of seeing the beauty in others, even and perhaps most especially, when that person could not see it in themselves.”

I know there are mixed feelings on whether or not the films count as canon source material, so take it with a grain of salt, but I personally cannot see a world in which Lily and Remus didn’t become close friends.)

Here we have a direct description of what she was like and who she was, corroborated by recounting of memories of her, and yet for some reason, this feels like the thing that is most commonly lost in translation.

I don’t think I can say why I think that is without mentioning the dreaded M word (misogyny- it’s misogyny), but I also don’t want to get too off topic so I’ll be brief: female characters are typically not given the same grace as male characters. When we have an undeveloped male character, he’s awarded the assumption that despite his lack of depth, there still exists a complex and multifaceted character– it’s merely just potential that hasn’t been tapped into. Whereas when we have underdeveloped female characters, they are taken at face value, meaning that not much exists beyond the little information we have of them. They are not presumed to have a life or a story that exists beyond the surface of what we know like male characters are. That’s why I think characters like Regulus, Evan, or Barty (just to name a few) are more popular than Lily, despite being less developed than she is.

(Before anyone gets defensive, no, I don’t think it’s an individual problem that you alone need to be shamed for. I think it’s the result of a deeper issue regarding misogyny in media as a concept; these are things that we’ve all unknowingly internalized and while it’s not our fault, we still have to do the work to deconstruct those learned prejudices.)

What I find really cool about her character is that despite how much she’s been hurt, she’s also still known as one of the most loving, kind, and considerate characters. There were so many times in her life where the love she received was conditional and ripped away from her– and I think that’s what makes her sacrifice even more poignant. She was able to protect her infant son from an extremely powerful dark wizard, wand-less, knowing that her husband was just murdered in cold blood, just from how much love she felt for Harry. Her love was a force of nature on its own, and I just think that’s such an amazing thing about her.

I know I’m biased, given that she’s one of my favorite characters, but even upon delving into this, I still just find it so incredibly hard to understand how anyone can actively hate her (not indifference, but actual dislike). In my opinion (again, no one is unbiased, and she is a favorite character of mine, but trust me when I say that I’m trying to be objective as possible when I say this), she’s probably one of the most likable characters of the Marauders Era. I think perhaps a lot of people haven’t given her a chance or really taken the time to learn about her character, but it could be a myriad of other reasons that I’ll never understand.

There's so much more I could say but this is long enough and I will stop myself

Lily Evans, u will always be famous to me

#lily evans #character analysis #harry potter #i am a little embarrassed that i got so invested in this. i hope at least one person enjoys this insane essay that no one asked for

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daiziesssart · 6 days

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whoever sent me the message about lily evans and how she’s mistreated and misunderstood, i am So sorry for the essay you’re getting. i’ve been typing for 30 minutes straight. i have So much to say

#i’m still not done #it’s the adderall methinks #i LOVE LILY EVANS

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daiziesssart · 6 days

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#jily #harry potter

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daiziesssart · 13 days

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I'm so glad I found your blog. Your art brought out the marauders' fan in me. It's so warm how you illustrate James and Lily. I love it..

@fandom-star-gazer i am SO sorry for such a late response but this was genuinely the sweetest message! you have no idea how happy it makes me and how much it makes me feel all fuzzy to have people like my art so much ♥️

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! i’m gonna stare at this message forever whenever i need motivation lolol

#ask

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daiziesssart · 13 days

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hi! i really love your blog and i wanted to ask you if you’d ever make a character analysis meta for james i’d be very very interested to know how you perceive him because you’re not biased!

Thank you and of course! Sorry for the slight delay, this has been in my drafts for a bit and is still a bit disorganised tbh. I'm sure I'm biased in some ways though hahah but anyway, let me pull up my copious notes on james-- a lot of this is headcanon/extrapolation obviously but here's how I see him!

the parents

james was very proud and defensive of his family. I picture them as kind of cultured, intellectual, petty-bourgeois progressive types. so he grew up in a loving household where intelligence and reformist, if not radical, thinking were valued; from prince's tale it seems like James looked up to his dad in particular, and to me it's likely that Fleamont had a very strong moral code which he took pains to impress on his son.

As we know his parents doted on him, and this likely shaped the way James perceived himself in relation to others. There was good and bad to this— on the one hand, James grew up with an inflated sense of his own self-worth and an unfailing pride in the righteousness of his beliefs. On the other, I see him as honestly very selfless and generous from a young age, immediately taking to Peter and Remus, the shy, friendless boys in their dorm, and taking them under his wing

again, his dad had instilled in him a strong moral belief system; James was also aware of his dad's pride in being a gryffindor ("where dwell the brave at heart. like my dad.") and his distaste for slytherin house, ("I think I'd leave, wouldn't you?") so as far as James was concerned it was all the same thing.

the son

we see with the ol messing up of hair in SWM that james was concerned with appearances, specifically his own appearance, as a contrast to Sirius who didn’t give a fuck but still looked effortlessly good all the time

the reason for this imo was insecurity so deeply deeply suppressed and buried under layers of outward confidence that james was barely aware it existed. I said he grew up with an inflated sense of self-worth, but in truth I think he feared that this wasn't based on anything; it was sort of a fake-it-til-you-make-it facade that he had to maintain lest anyone see the scared boy underneath

tbh having grown up being told he was the most special boy is imo what led to this need to constantly prove it to the world and himself.

a VERY important thing about james's character to me is that he seems confident but really, really isn't.

I think a lot of people who seem outwardly arrogant are likely just acting out of bravado borne of insecurity. consider the difference between sirius and james in swm- sirius feels no need to show off, he doesn't care, he simply has this natural self-assuredness. whereas James cares so much it hurts- he is hyperaware of how he is perceived, especially by girls/lily.

I’ve said this but I think Harry’s angry streak was inherited from Lily, not James, who I see as actually rather thoughtful, sensitive, circumspect, and measured when it came down to it, traits which he didn't value and therefore ignored, but became more obvious as he matured.

like sirius he valued intelligence, taking to sirius immediately when he makes a clever joke ("where're you hoping to go, seeing as you're neither?") and in SWM they both disparage Peter for not being on their intellectual level; I imagine they delighted in their mutual intelligence and this was a big part of their friendship.

when they discovered Remus's lycanthropy I imagine James felt very strongly that this was something to be defended and protected. without that i'm not sure sirius or peter would have accepted him as readily. and personally I feel like it was a conclusion James came to on his own; it's possible his parents were outspoken about werewolf rights but I tend to think it wasn't generally discussed by wizarding society esp in the 70s.

the rival

the world was very black and white for circa fifth year james, for whom people fell into two obvious categories: good and evil.

coincidentally, lol, this aligned in his mind with 'gryffindor and slytherin'. see above re: his dad

therefore he could not comprehend AT ALL why lily was friends with snape, who was not only a slytherin but later obviously into the dark arts and considering 'death eater' as a career option

although he'd never liked Sev, and Sev had never liked him, the whole thing probably grew a lot uglier around fifth year when the two of them realised a few things: 1, each fancied lily evans. 2, the other one did as well. and 3, both stood on clearly opposite sides of the external conflict of the wizarding world

see above re: insecurites for why he almost constantly felt the need to assert his talents on the quidditch pitch, in the classroom, and at duelling. he would in fact hex random students for entertainment and kind of to prove that he could. that he was special boy, that his gang was exclusive and cooler than the rest.

snape was different though, as it went past mere entertainment (not that that wasn’t a factor) James had convinced himself that picking on Severus was actually the righteous thing to do because, in his mind, Snape was pure evil.

Deep down, (VERY deep down) however, I think he probably knew it was wrong and simply pushed this away, convincing himself he was justified and doubling down.

unlike sev and sirius, james had his aforementioned very stringent moral code guiding his actions (think 'the height of dishonour')-- and this meant that while james hated every last hair on sev's head he never wanted him dead. Personally I believe he wouldn't have let Severus die even if Remus hadn't been involved.

the man

I know it seems contradictory that I say he had a strong moral code and yet did things that were clearly immoral as a teen but I don't think it is; a moral code isn't really worth anything without true understanding and empathy towards others. otherwise it's all too easy to convince yourself that what you're doing is in line with your moral beliefs, and I think that's exactly what james did for many years.

realising that the world doesn't revolve around you and learning social skills such as true empathy are a part of transitioning from adolescence to adulthood, and I think that's probably what happened to James rather than there being one event (such as the prank) or one motivating factor (such as lily) that triggered the change. eventually he just came to realise that the war and doing what was right was bigger and more important than himself, than the things he had once placed value on such as popularity or quidditch.

which is where all that long-buried selflessness, thoughtfulness, generosity came out and swirled around together to create a remarkably brave, kind, self-sacrificing young man. :)

and i think he initially felt that lily was too good for him as he should and in his later years he continually strove to be a better man, and that's all one can really do!

anyway those are my thoughts on jamesP and kind of the guidelines I use when writing his character! sorry it's so long rip

#perfect analysis #james potter #hp

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