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thinking about how when you experience a lot of shame in your formative years (indirectly, directly, as abuse or just as an extant part of your environment) it becomes really difficult to be perceived by other people in general. the mere concept of someone watching me do anything, whether it's a totally normal activity or something unfamiliar of embarrassing, whether I'm working in an excel spreadsheet or being horny on main, it just makes my skin crawl and my brain turn to static because I cannot convince myself that it's okay to be seen and experienced. because to exist is to be ashamed and embarrassed of myself, whether I'm failing at something or not, because my instinctive reaction to anyone commenting on ANYTHING I'm doing is to crawl into a hole and die. it's such a bizarre and dehumanizing feeling to just not be able to exist without constantly thinking about how you are being Perceived. ceaseless watcher give me a god damn break.

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These carne asada tacos from Germany....

#is that...melted cheddar on baby tomatoes on deli ham on raw tortilla over...sprinkle of just corn? what the hell? #so lucky to have authentic mexican places local #especially the local mexican ice cream shop where i get the best popsicles i've ever had #favorite is the mango chamoy popsicle with like real chunks of mango so good #they're like roughly cut and clearly handmade and they taste amazing #it's always the same 4 mexican guys behind the counter. i don't know if they all own the place or just work there #but somebody's clearly doing something right because they've outlasted a lot of 'ice cream/sorbet/frozen yogurt' joints around here #even if stuff's not like as authentic as i perceive it it's still way better than whatever the hell is pictured above #like jesus christ. have they even google searched carne asada? or taco? #they could at least put in the effort to dice that shit up #throw in some shredded lettuce #like it would still suck ass but it wouldn't like quite as pathetic

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to whom it may concern,

if you're someone who used to read a lot as a child and now you're an adult who hasn't read a book in five years and you miss that part of yourself, i'm here to reassure you that that part of yourself isn't gone for good. It's a habit you can nurture. All it needs is a little bit of practice, and a little bit of pushing through to the part where you start enjoying yourself again

Sincerely,

An adult who's learning to love reading again

#also...you can ease back in with YA novels. you don't need to jump right to adult fiction #like i'm probably like unhealthily fixated on reading i've been munching through big-ass books no issue since 2nd grade #because i have problems #but i've lately been trying to ease my dad back into reading #and one of the big hurdles is that he loves...hard science fiction...and historical shit like Shogun #i'm sorry but you cannot just ease into reading via larry niven or orson scott card or frank herbert #he was trying to dive right back into the stuff he loves but just could not do it #i'd see him carrying around the same books w/the bookmark not moving a bit from the very beginning #so i got sneaky and i loaned him out a YA adventure book about fighter pilots in WWI/II and it's like short story each chapter style #written for teenage boys. but they're also older books and they have the old style gritty painted covers #and they were written by an actual WWI fighter pilot. not true stories but he knows his shit when it comes to the planes in there #and i DID get my dad to read through the first one and we even talked about the little things we liked #like the way the author uses footnotes to describe each plane he introduces #so you know like if it's a two-seater or a one-seater. where the guns are. if it's particularly fast or maneuverable. common use. etc. #and like other little things that made reading it EASIER. because it was written for teenage boys #and the author writes accordingly. which doesn't make the stories worse! they're very fun! he's just not drowning u in niche terminology #and just assuming u know what he's talking about. which...is a common issue in a lot of hard sci fi that probably detracts new readers #but yeah! don't be afraid to read young adult fiction. i literally still read a lot of YA for fun right alongside the heavy shit

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via atypicalcuriosities on instagram

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#pokemon

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If you're poly then all of them are werewolves

#convince them to bite me. i also would like to be a werewolf #(also imaginary S/O i do not have one IRL) #BUT i would first figure out what kind of werewolf they are and like the limitations and weaknesses and control level #and like convincing them to bite me would be dependent on the answers #but if i liked the answers and it was 'yay big fluffy wolf monster who retains sanity/control!' then yeah bite #also...i would help them look for a cure if that's what they wanted #but my S/O is imaginary so #wait...maybe i should have selected 'test out abilities' #but...that was simple to answer the first impulse question: 'do i want to be bitten?'

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I love when people get delightedly flustered by compliments. It activates some kind of insane prey drive in me. Today at lunch we had this cute trans server in a well-coordinated outfit and she got so bashful when I complimented it that I immediately became a dachshund of light flirtation and could not physically stop myself from laying it on outrageously thick just to see her begin to lose her composure and turn entirely pink.

#i also especially complimenting/affirming trans ppl if it's easy and natural to do so. to let them know i'm chill if nothing else #most recent example was signing for my sister's grocery delivery at the porch (the order included tylenol and u need to sign for that) #delivery lady was a trans woman #my little 5yo nephew is w/me at the door pulling my attention and signing #he's nonverbal and was asking who she was and if she was coming in to play with him #so i told him that no i'm sorry sweetheart this pretty lady is just here to deliver some groceries not to play with you #and i'm not the best at reading ppl but i do think she was a little perkier/relaxed after that #or maybe she just always would have said 'oh no honey i got this' when i offered to help carry the rest from car to porch #but i do think she sounded warmer than the initial 'there's some cold medicine so i need a signature.' #i'm nonbinary but i'm AFAB and i dress pretty femme and i don't care about pronouns so she/her is perfectly fine #so there's no way to easily communicate 'hey it's cool' to fellow trans ppl out there unless i like wear a pin 24/7 #and even then also being trans does not guarantee you're cool with all other trans ppl. especially trans women #so yeah easiest thing is just a quick compliment or affirmation even if it is a bit clunky #this one came real natural i would've said this easily if the grocery lady was CIS too #but other times i have to go out of my comfort zone a little. say something a bit stilted or awkward just to say 'hey i'm chill don't worry #but it's really worth it because i feel like an openly trans person. especially someone who doesn't fly under the radar 100% #probably has to worry at least a little about every interaction with a new person #like i could have easily said something awful. she's probably HAD ppl say awful things on the job. so...just say something nice if u can

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(via @SmudgeTheInsultCat over on Mastodon)

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#if we defunded the police it would simply lead to new and probably better ways to handle a crisis #yes this includes dealing with a bank robbery/hostage situation/murderer/every other violent crime

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She's cold..let her in

#fantasy

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let’s remove the question if it’s livable and just focus on the max you can do in terms of comfortability. So you’re not too tired/burnt out at the end of the day.

#4 hours bc i'm on my feet the whole time and i'm weak as hell #i work 4 hours one day and 8 the other 2

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All amazing points and so important to take in. I think I have done a couple of these, but not habitually or intensely. But it's good awareness for me.

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They will destroy nature and call it saving the planet.

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met a new kinda guy on twitter today

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hat

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