ehmehly

[ehmehly]

being with you makes me feel bad, but being alone feels worse

[ehmehly]

i had given up on boys, then u came into my life

i wasn’t gonna take another boy serious after all the hurt that i’ve been through but i want you and me

they never take me serious and yet i treat them like the love of my life every time

they always treat me like shit yet i still do all i can to guarantee they’re happy at the expense of my own happiness

[ehmehly]

[ehmehly]

i’ll never be enough

[ehmehly]

i will destroy myself just for him to even think about loving me

#⭐️rving #i love him #i hate my body #why would you be loved #can i be normal

[ehmehly]

i’m always “haha im mentally ill”

then i realize my family has to walk on eggshells around me cause my emotions change all the time.

a joke one day will cause a breakdown the next

i don’t see an issue with my actions even when i’m confronted

they say i act different around other people but i don’t see it

they say im manipulative but i don’t see how

i genuinely hurt the people around me

idk how to change because i don’t know what to change

[ehmehly]

may be ⭐️ving but im definitely hydrated

#3dblrr #⭐️rving #tw ed but not sheeran #i need to lose so much weight

[ehmehly]

April 23rd 2024

12:56 || Me and Panther (my boy best friend) stopped talking.

I decided it would be best because since I'm getting closer to Grapes and Panther and I had expressed interest in each other, It'd be weird to keep in touch with him while I'm talking to Grapes.

I wish I didn't have to stop talking to Panther because he is my closest friend and knows me the best, plus I really like him but at the same time, that relationship isn't going anywhere.

That's why I'm talking to Grapes; That was a flop. I like him, apparently he likes me, but nothing happened after.

[ehmehly]

April 19th 2024

10:12 AM || I missed yesterday because nothing really happened, kind of a boring day, but something exciting did happen.

I told my dad that I'm friends with a boy, which is a super big step. This boy really is about to meet my FATHER!

This boy and I (I'll call him Grapes) have been in a weird place because he keeps getting mad at me. I said hi to a friend who QUITE LITERALLY has a girlfriend, but now he won't talk to me. I was sitting next to him and he didn't say a word to me.

I really do like Grapes but he stresses me out. He's not my boyfriend so I'm not gonna drop all my guy friends for something that might not lead to anything else.

He makes me want to do that BUT IT'S TOXIC!

I'm not gonna chase a man 🤢🤮 NO THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!

but man I do want too. BUT I WON'T LET HIM SEE THAT.

Shabooyaaaaaa

Why he gotta stress me out so much??????????

4:12 || Grapes is so cute; I had confronted him about something someone told me and he reassured me.

I can't be mad at him for too long, he's too cute.

IDK I just want to be his girlfriend but he's gotta ask me LOL

[ehmehly]

@/him

[ehmehly]

me n ortiz 😛

[ehmehly]

April 17th 2024

@4:43 || I am so incredibly disgusted with myself. I have been so disrespectful and irresponsible.

I regret showing so much of myself on this account at first because now I want this to be a space where nobody knows this is me and I don't know who they are.

Like I said, I just want to change. The person I have been is, and not to sound crass, but it is not attractive at all.

I need to involve the Lord into my life because I have been saying that He is my Lord and my savior but I do not act like it.

I need to change the way I dress. Though it is not inherently inappropriate, it is stepping the boundary. Form fitting, cropped; Its attracting attention that I do not want to attract. There is nothing really wrong with it, but its not working for me.

@5:00 || I am more ashamed than I am embarrassed. I am ultimately humbled right now. I think this is why I lost my phone; so I could listen to what the Lord says and not what TikTok says.

Not everyone is my friend.

My mind and relationship with the Lord are the only things I need to worry about.

@5:36 || There is something big blooming this spring, and that is a new me.

See the day,

bigheadely

[ehmehly]

April 15th 2024

Ely's first blog entry <3

I want to start journaling but i find it a bit weird to bring out a journal everytime I want to write, because sometimes I am out in public with a itch in my hand lol.

I also love to use LOL and other acronyms (is that even the word for that?) PLUS I love to use parenthesis but it's a bit weird to write those out.

I feel like Gossip Girl using Tumblr as a diary LOLLLLL

I want to do this for at least a month, plus write more poetry to post here so my mind isn't harboring all my excellent ideas.

That's all I got for right now, but stay tuned because I will update later tonight.

Stay safe but also stay dangerous

sincerely,

bigheadely

[ehmehly]

people think i know who i am, so they think they know who i am

[ehmehly]

The music in my ears isn't loud enough

I am not skinny enough

I am not high enough

I am not enough

#depressing shit #sad thoughts

[ehmehly]

how could two souls out of a billion be so perfect? 

out of all the people i have met or have yet to meet, you were the one for me. you were the one my soul yearned for, the one my soul missed but i didn’t know who i was missing. 

then i found you. 

and i finally realized what i was missing. 

you. 

you are the last piece to my puzzle. 

you are my one out of a billion. 

#poetry

[ehmehly]

they are swimming around ur blog