ehp

[ehp]

Rotten Fruit (April 16, 2024)

Opening the fridge I see, there in the back corner a sticky substance.

Something that was once bright and sweet

Melting and oozing of spores and alien life

I want to pick it up with my bare hands and feel the sensation of the sticky mess and the mold slowly encroaching on my hands.

I want to destroy the thing and pretend it never existed.

But still, I leave it to rot.

Because if I close the fridge the thing is gone and there is no mold on my hands.

As if none of that was real.

But eventually, I'll have to clean it out

and the stain from the monster in the back will forever be engraved in the cheap plastic that shelves other foods to come.

That day isn't today so the fridge remains closed and the low hum of the fridge fades as I walk away from the thought of the rotten fruit

#poetry #poem #rotten fruit #spoken word

[ehp]

Nail Biter (Jan 18 2024)

I like to bite on my nails, but I hate the way they feel snagging against my clothes

I like the way it feels to rip off a piece with my bare teeth rabid and crazy for that dopamine feeling

My joints ache from my fingers that anxiously pick, pick, pick at the snags left behind by my teeth

But oh to brush my finger tips on the raw edges of my exposed finger tips

To gently soothe and provide temporary comfort to something so rough

Nails grow again eventually but can I wait until they grow to start my habit again

Can we wait to clean things up to put on nice polish and pretend as if nothing ever happened

As if I never put my teeth on my nails and bared witness of the pain of my sore fingertips or the comfort I felt touching the roughs and edges

Comfort is a word I'l never know

If I grow them out then I'll become an object

A person whose just a vessel for the person that should be in me

A real girl

What is a real girl

I pick my nails

Im not a girl

Why do I think im a girl

Why do my nails define that

I pick and pick until that girl is gone

Until I sit with me and my discomfort but comfortably me again

#poetry #late night thoughts #spoken word #i want to sleep #nail biting #vent