flower-boy-roxanne

[flower-boy-roxanne]

blacklist update 2: electric boogaloo

mmmm furorems anger is makin everyone more than a bit aggressive. mans 10ft and an unstable fusion embodying our rage weve got some strong feelins here

#dirk updates #dirk.txt #genuine warning he doesnt play nice #thats what you get out of a fusion of ten aggressive/violent protectors hun #dont fuck with him.

[flower-boy-roxanne]

updated blacklist due to recent events.

calling a trauma response & emotional spiral guilttripping aint cool my guy

#dirk updates #dirk.txt

[flower-boy-roxanne]

hnn mjus like big bro was mjus continuin th loop i hurt n hurt n hurt n hurt...

cant do anyfin good...

mhurtin jus like big bro did... jus like his parens n their parens did...

its a loop...

#dirk talks trauma #little flower #for blacklist > #implied abuse #ask to tw

[flower-boy-roxanne]

mm wish pawtnew sysem wasn so far ahead in timezonee... feew sad... need boyfwein huggie :(

#dirk.txt #little flower #aaaaa wen lil afer th bad stuffs fwom today :((( #feew safer lil bu wha if mnnoyin peopwe...? #an wha if make easy tawget...

[flower-boy-roxanne]

how about you dont fucking lie and cause me a breakdown.

i was trying to be kind. respectful. i was looking out for your followers, especially as someone who has experienced heavy emotional sensitivity to how people respond to things i say and do.

i never called you hysterical or unstable. i was giving you advice.

im shaking so bad right now.

you lying and twisting my intentions directly triggered our bodys trauma.

we couldnt defend ourselves then. we can and will now.

i realize that im bringing countless people after us. i cant bring myself to care.

and even if i will when it happens, i hope it was worth it.

worth it not to be lied about again.

we were trying to help you, and your followers more indirectly. we were trying to be straightforward but still weigh in pros that made us think of you as a good person.

clearly you arent. our friend was right about you. i feel so fucking sick from all this and god im probably about to lose the dinner i just ate.

youve officially marked yourself an asshole. nice job.

To the anon who sent me a 15 paragraph ultimatum saying i'm an unstable popular hysterical influencer who needs to watch how i phrase things before i "upset" someone: you're in my page this is my content i will opinate on whatever i want to opinate and the fact you're taking issue with me putting my thoughts in my personal blog is??? So funny? Please send andrew hussie some hatemail alerting him i must be stopped.

Surely there's no reason you're giving me a slap on the wrist, apart from one of my last asks being about how i like june. Surely, you're very well intentioned.

#dirk.txt #dirk.jpg #had to delete and repost for personal reasons #ugh #im in so so so much pain #i just. h #how do i even tag this #for blacklist > #emeto mention #ask to tw

[flower-boy-roxanne]

i need to play egg inc for the next week in order not to think about that

someone send chicken and/or flower pics please

mixing the two together would also be nice

im just. fuck

why do people have to invalidate me for my trauma not being something that happened to the body itself when my memories are VIVID AS ALL HELL? and drastically affect my daily social life and responses/reactions to particular behavior, tone of voice, phrasing, words, actions, movements, so on and so goddamn forth?

is that not real?

ugh im so fucking exhausted. god

#dirk.txt #mmm i need my boyfriends to fucking hold me but our partner sys is probably asleep #im so sick of everything #just let me be happy.

[flower-boy-roxanne]

saw a post where someone fuckin said that exotrauma isnt real.

here fuckin goes.

[ IN-POST CW FOR: extreme child ab-se, heavy talk of r-pe, p-dophilia, inc-st, harassment, alcoholism, murder, violence, physical ab-se, emotional ab-se, starvation, isolation, feigned abandoment, etc., not in that particular order ]

[ ADDITIONAL NOTE: the tag limit restricted me from cw tagging everything and im really, really fucking sorry about that. tumblr is a piece of shit. ]

so my memories where my brother fucking beat me into the ground arent real?

my memories where he starved me, trashed and broke what few valuable possessions he let me have?

my memories where he roofied me when i was six to th-ghf-ck me, where he made me s-ck h-m -ff when i broke a vase by accident at age nine, where he would f-ck me as punishment from the moment he could f-t -ns-de m-, where those occasions when he got touchy feely dr-nk hed lull me into a sense of safety, t--ch me slowly and sweetly, then us- m- and give me unwanted, false compliments all the while?

the memory where he tortured me within an inch of my life, then snapped my neck and ended it all?

the memories where hed tell me i was worthless, that i deserved to die, that the only reason i was still here was because i still had purpose as a toy?

the memories where hed lock me into rooms for hours, damn near days on end, refusing to feed me, neglecting me completely?

the memories in which hed leave the house for nearly a full 24 hours with no notice, or where hed say something that subtly implied he wasnt ever coming back, making me think he was abandoning me when he was just pulling on my fucking puppet strings?

the memories from when i was much younger where hed slap my ass, squeeze my chest, brush his lips against my face, my hair, my shoulders, purring that i looked so cute?

the memories from at least five and older where hed yank my pants and underwear down to spank my bare ass raw as i screamed and pleaded for him to stop, that id be good, when he got sick of my bullshit?

THOSE WERENT REAL?

#dirk talks trauma #this is a fucking lot hhh #watch me get reported and deactivated for needing to vent about my fucking TRAUMA #which apparently isnt REAL #GOD #for blacklist > #abuse #abuse tw #molestation #molestation tw #rape #rape tw #starvation #starvation tw #torture tw #torture #murder #murder tw #isolation #isolation tw #abandonment tw #abandonment #alcoholism #alcoholism tw #pedophilia #pedophilia tw #incest #incest tw

[flower-boy-roxanne]

chickens

#dirk.jpg #egg inc #BWWWAAHHH i love them #this game has made chickens my comfort animal sue me #ironic tho with my pet regression thing hcdgcjk

[flower-boy-roxanne]

gonna play egg inc and pretend i dont have trauma wbu

#dirk.txt #im in the middle of class but #chickens are more important. #always. #i care about my chickens even if i lose them every time i prestige or sell my farm #CHICKENS ARE GOOD #WAWAWAWAH

[flower-boy-roxanne]

i stayed up til like 1:30-2 in the morning and didnt fucking realize we had class today

mmm i have intense stupid energy 24/7

#dirk.txt #im EXHAUSTED #our dad woke us up at 7 like #SIR #CLASS IS AT 9 #NOT THE CRACK OF DAWN #AND ITS ON ZOOM #JESUS CHRIST #i mean he DID have to give us our hashbrown before he went to drop off our sibling at work #because last time it was cold and it tasted nasty heated up #BUT S I R #WAAAAH

[flower-boy-roxanne]

forgot that the word for not remembering things was forgetting

its almost 1am my fucking god

#dirk.txt #im fucking stupid lmao

[flower-boy-roxanne]

imagine thinking fiction affects reality only as much as you allow it to

imagine thinking your str-d-rc-st fic doesnt motivate and validate actual p-dos, ab-sers, r-pists, and willing inc-st participators

imagine thinking they give a shit about your “i dont support it irl!!!” disclaimer

imagine thinking its okay to write a general audiences inc-st/p-do fic in a positive light and ruin the morals of impressionable children

imagine thinking its okay to create content for that shit at all

imagine thinking it isnt the fault of your str-d-rc-st fic that i have extreme exotrauma surrounding my older brother ab-sing me in every fucking category you can think of off the top of your head for 15+ years

yeah. imagine. totally isnt anyone on this planet tho right? lol

#dirk talks trauma #aka: dirk copes through sarcasm and poor humor #if you didnt get the memo: anti-antis n pro-shippers dni i will yell very loud #sorry for this being my first actual post i just. blourgh #for blacklist > #incest mention #pedophilia mention #abuse mention #rape mention #ask to tw

[flower-boy-roxanne]

hey!

im dirk! this is my personal intro post & it includes triggers specific to me, so PLEASE PLEASE tag your own posts with cws for my content triggs if you follow me!!! with that in mind, read the entire thing, please <3

( system dni & info located on our art blog )

about

full name is dirk roxanne strider, as a quick explanation for my url :3

i use she/they pronouns and identify as demimale! my headspace body is intersex

ABSOLUTELY NO REFERRING TO ME BY HE/HIM I WILL SCREAM

i age-slide! about 15-25

i also age-regress, typically as a response to stress and/or trauma but it can also be a result of excess affection, babying/patronizing me (which i actually dont mind much but if you do it just to make me regress we’re gonna have a problem bud), etc.

i go by dirkie when im age-regressed!! if you see me posting during those times please refer to me by that name and try to be extra nice. if i was stress-/trauma-triggered into regression i may be very emotionally sensitive. i prefer to be talked to like a little kid/baby too and i may talk very childishly (unnecessary word pluralizing, wrong verb tenses, w’s in place of l’s and r’s, easily excited, etc.)

i pet-regress into a cat mindset due to a very particular situation in the past. i will absolutely not discuss it here and im not afraid to get an aggressive/violent protector up to roast your ass if you repeatedly pester me about it. like seriously dude you dont actually wanna know anyways

NEITHER OF THESE ARE S-XUAL THINGS FOR THE LOVE OF G O D . we dont support “““s-xual””” agere because that isnt and shouldnt be a thing its fucking disgusting please let me regress without ppl thinking its s-x roleplay in peace—ITS NOT I AM IN THE LITERAL FUCKING MINDSET OF A LITERAL FUCKING CHILD. thank you <3

i have severe exotrauma. all my posts discussing it will be tagged #dirk talks trauma, feel free to block it. i also try to appropriately cw/tw tag them (i use the term tw only but its just because including both drains my spoons)

that said, dont! ask me! about! my trauma! directly! I WILL TALK ABOUT IT WHEN I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT!!!

not only is our body autistic but i was autistic in my canon!! just a fun fact :3

i try to avoid using :) emoticons and prefer :D, :3, and the like. idk ive just had a fair share of experiences where its used in a (jokingly, usually!!) creepy/threatening context so it doesnt read well to me

please dont dm me without asking!!! ive got some of the worst anxiety & paranoia in this system, plus ive got a small bit of trauma relating to unsolicited dms

asks are always okay though :3!! so long as youre not bein a dickhead ya know? anon is off tho for comfort n trauma reasons, sorry about that

(if you want me to answer your ask privately just tell me!! i might accidentally be a fuckin idiot n post it publicly tho, just a fair warning)

i somewhat suspect myself of ocd, but i havent had the spoons to do enough research for confirmation

I AM VERY BAD AT READING TONE. please tag things /j, /lh, /s, etc. so i know you arent genuinely trying to be a dick to me

(may be added to)

my tags

#dirk.txt — regular text post

#dirk.png — art/edit post

#dirk.jpg — shitpost, memes, otherwise non-artistic images

#dirk.mp3 — original song lyrics, voice recordings

#dirk.pdf — creative writing post, infodumps, ideas

#dirk.gif / #dirk.mp4 — gifs, videos

#dirk talks trauma — discussion of my exotrauma, including vents

#dirk updates — quick notices about the blog, my personal life, or anything that may have impact on blog interaction (that of myself or other users)

#little flower — the post was made while i was age-regressed

#catnip flowers — the post was made while i was pet-regressed

(may be added to)

blacklist

(catchall cw tag is #flower boy dont look! i feel like dirk dont look might be an already used tag for some people hgsfcjj :'))

ANYTHING relevant to inc-st, p-dophilia, r-pe, ab-se, or isolation (tags: #incest, #incest mention, #pedophilia, #pedophilia mention, #rape, #rape mention, #abuse, #abuse mention, #isolation, #isolation mention)

the word “selfcest”

using he/him pronouns for me and/or implying that im a fem gender for using she/her

not exactly a trigger but i might act weird or cautious around alpha dave fictives & kins, nothing personal (technically) just trauma

making jokes about abandonment or death without joke tagging (though it still makes me VERY uncomfortable & anxious!!!)

discussion about breakups and/or exes in terms of a romantic/s-xual relationship (tags: #breakup, #breakup mention, #exes, #exes mention)

treating me like an object or subhuman, joking or not. just dont

using particularly harsh insults for me even as a joke—ie dumbfuck, wh-re, shitbag. im ok w being called a dumbass n bitch n stuff but only in a joking context!! if you want to know any other boundaries on that just shoot me an ask my dude. also dont call me slurs :(

the idea that fiction doesnt affect reality (points at myself then at my str-d-rc-st exotrauma. bitch)

i know its legit a part of my url but PLEASE dont call me roxanne unless we’re close!! it makes me uncomfy when strangers/acquaintances use my mid name for me :(

implying or stating that im guilttripping. my spirals, emotional outbursts, etc are almost always trauma responses. saying im guilttripping in itself when im actually in severe emotional distress is a trigger to my trauma with our exes. i have very little power over my spirals and often struggle in dealing with situations that are newer to me, emotionally and otherwise. i am not guilttripping, im acting on a trauma response.

if you put words into my mouth or twist what i say i guarantee you furorem will judoflip you. we have trauma with being lied about and intentionally misinterpreted too, thanks.

(may be added to)

thanks for reading!! have a fuckin fantastic day, yall

#intro post #pinned post #info #blacklist #trigger list #about #important #?? fuckin TAGS my GOD