ghoulneedshelp - Tumblr blog

ghoulneedshelp · 9 months

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please read if you are a part of DID/ADHD tumblr and/or have interacted with pika-mika, plus steer clear of them as well if you are autistic.

okay, here's the thing. i just got out of a year+ long relationship with pika-mika. they had joined a year long relationship with my current partner @skeptisystem(they'll probably reblog this). It's come to my attention that they have been blatently lying online for validation, and I feel the need to say something.

tw under the break for discussion of suicide, sh and abuse

Throughout our relationship, pika-mika was constantly using self-harm, weaponized emotions, and finances as manipulation tactics. We live in my current partner's parents' mother-in-law suite and work for their parents. At the beginning of the relationship, I split rent 50-50 with pika-mika, except for 2 months at the beginning of this year where i was extremely depressed and in a flare, and unable to work. for those 2 months pika-mika payed rent. since then, i have paid for all of our food, eating out, and any household items. totaling well over what i owed them. they held those 2 months over my head any time i asked them to contribute in any way. mostly regarding household chores. and if me and my current partner made any request regarding their behavior or messiness, they would have a full breakdown. this consisted of them either locking themself in their room or bathroom to selfharm, switching to an extremely angry and aggressive alter, or a little, who we could not blame for their actions. we believe this was not intentional at the start, but they have since gained much more awareness and control over their switches. due to this we believe that the host was intentionally leaving front to avoid the consequences of their actions.

for the past year, we have supported their littles every single day, even when pika-mika went out of their way to put themself in high stress or otherwise triggering situations. they would spend every second after work scribbling pages upon pages in their journal about how much they wanted to die, or selfharm, or how much they resented us for preventing their suicide attempt from succeeding. when my partner voiced how triggering these situations were for them, they would turn on us and accuse us of violating their boundaries. ie, not letting them lock themself in another room to selfharm, or not letting them journal. in no way did my partner or i ever request they stop journalling, just that they acknowledge how triggering these situations were.

when they were still selfharming they would spent hours locked away, come out essentially showing off their visible marks, and make my partner clean up after them. when we would beg them not to go to their very abusive parents house, and they would anyways, we would (consentually) track their phone to random parking lots, or they would turn off their location and when asked where they were, would state that they just threw a razor blade out of their car, or find them in the driveway, covered in selfharm, and leave us to clean up the aftermath and drive them home. when confronted about how much they hurt us, they would tell us it was our fault for caring about them or not letting them take their life.

we spent months like this, until they finally started with a new therapist that i had begged them to see. this helped a lot, but it did not end the abuse. they would still spend hours crying over work or their parents, and when we encouraged them to distance themself from their parents or find a new job, they would turn and yell at us, or switch to a little with no idea what was going on. for months we did this every single day.

and when they dramaticized everything we did to their best friend or therapist, they (bsf and therapist) would encourage them to continue "distancing" themself, which they interpretted as validation to continue locking themself in their room and making us deal with the aftermath. we would constantly be finding large bloody blades in their bedroom while simply trying to hang out.

this is not even scratching the surface of the hurtful and dismissive behavior we faced, such as them telling my partner that we had no right to be traumatized by them attempting suicide in our bed. they constantly used their DID as an excuse to hurt people, and would just say "well that wasn't me, so you just have to deal", something my other partner, who also has DID, never said to them or me.

this is also leaving out all of their ableism toward my partner for their autism and their own DID. they caused multiple splits and dormancies in my partner's system and would yell at their littles for being scared or upset. On multiple occasions my partner mentioned that pika-mika had done something that triggered them, and rather than just apologizing, they told my partner to just go to therapy about it and defended their actions to the end of the earth. they are also just generally ableist toward autistic people and work in ABA therapy.

i am sick of them lying to themself and everyone else to validate their shitty and abusive behavior. i stayed with them for so long because i thought they just needed help and support but clearly it wasnt enough.

closer to the end of our relationship, i was so lost in what to do. my current partner encouraged me to stick with it, so i did, for their sake. but i stopped being nice to them and letting them walk all over me. i started using their behavior against them. and while i dont stand by all of my actions, i was in no way abusive to them, especially not the way they were to me.

in this time, my partner and their littles grew dependent on each other. im sure pika-mika and their littles think i resented them for being mentally ill, but i resented them because they made it impossible for me to live without being constantly miserable and having no support from my partners. this is when they broke up with me. and it brought me relief. i felt happy for the first time in ages. i didn't really get the support i wanted, but i finally got to stop spending every moment trying to make them see how they were hurting me. because of this, they grew even more dependent on my partner and punished them for voicing any concerns.

pika-mika made it impossible for my partner to leave the house without them because they were scared they would start selfharming or attempt again in their absense, but would decline going anywhere with us other than to hang out with their best friend.

after a few months it became unbearable. my partner was essentially forced into sobriety(marijuana, nothing bad) by their parents, and that became the breaking point. we were trying to move out and gain some distance, but it was proving impossible. my partner insisted we each have our own rooms, so they would have a safe space, or a place to hide. but we couldnt find one due to finances. it was at this time my partner came to me and said they couldnt do it any more, they couldnt continue living with or being in a relationship with them. i supported this decision. they broke up with pika-mika, and told them they couldnt continue to live in the same house as them.

before this conversation had even taken place, pika-mika began to look into moving out on their own due to feeling suffocated by my partners worries, but got upset when my partner was the one to end things. originally, we thought we could continue being friends, but then they went to their parents' house again.

their parents, presumably, put pressure on them to take "their" cat with them. our cats are littermates and have never been separated. we told them we would not allow them to take him. and gave them all of our reasons for why we would not be okay with it and why he, the cat, would be unhappy. pika-mika took this as a personal attack and told us that we could not continue being friends.

since then, we have barely spoken, but they have not stopped posting online for validation for their actions. they weren't blatently lying to begin with, but now they are. my partner has not spoken to them. i have spoken to them a couple times, to voice my opinions and to request some of my things back that they took with them when they moved out. they got a new job but did not quit with my partner's family. now they spend 5 days a week in our house, and we have to practically sneak around to avoid them.

a few days ago, i brought up all their remaining food and items they left behind. presumably, this is the bullying they're referring to. i had not said anything to them, besides, heres your stuff. until they in the most fake nice way said, "Oh, you can keep this, i dont have cats" about a broken cat toy. to which i very bluntly said, "i dont want it," and left the room. that was our last interaction.

All that i request is that no one give them the validation to continue treating people like this in the future. I am done with them and dont want to ever see or hear from them again. unfortunately, i expect i will, as we are still coworkers, and they come to my home every day.

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