growing-up-growing-out

[growing-up-growing-out]

some actually good gay films to close out pride month

Some of my personal favorite queer movies! Image limit is 10 per post, but there’s some others I’ve really liked so I might make a pt. 2!

Alex Strangelove - (Available on Netflix as of 4/19.) Dir. by Craig Johnson, 2018. Teen Comedy following closeted queer high school senior, Alex Truelove. Alex is a straight A student with a perfectly nice longterm girlfriend but his world is flipped upside down when he meets the handsome, charming and out gay kid from the other side of town. This is one of the lighter films on this list, for when you need some feel-good vibes and a nice laugh.

Boy Erased - Dir. by Joel Edgerton, 2018. In this Drama Coming-of-age film based off the memoir by Garrard Conley, the son of a small town Baptist pastor is outed to his family and sent away to a conversion therapy program. While there, he struggles with understanding the twisted and often backwards logic of those leading them. Troye Sivan played a very interesting character in this! This is definitely one of the tearjerkers on this list and contains some pretty dark material (including rape, physical and emotional abuse, religiously motivated abuse, and suicide) but I still highly recc it if you’re in the right emotional place to handle that.

But I’m a Cheerleader - Dir. by Jamie Babbit and released in 2000, this teen Comedy is a satirical and light hearted take on a serious subject, conversion camps. It also features two beloved actors now known for their repeated playing of queer characters, Natasha Lyonne and Clea Duvall, as love interests. Highschooler Megan considers herself to be the typical prototype of an American teenage girl. She has a football playing boyfriend (who she doesn’t particularly enjoy kissing) and a group of fellow cheerleader friends (who she might look at a bit too often.) She’s shocked when one day the people in her life sit her down, accuse her of being a lesbian, and ship her off to “True Directions.”

Carol - (Available on Netflix as of 4/19.) Dir. by Todd Haynes and released in 2015, this period drama is based off the 1952 novel “The Price of Salt” or “Carol” by Patricia Highsmith. Therese Belivet meets Carol Aird in December 1952 while she’s looking for a doll for her daughter. Carol is going through a divorce, Therese is relunctant to get serious with her boyfriend. The two women become fast friends and their relationship quickly develops into something more. People have some pretty divided opinions on this one, but I enjoyed it. The cinematography was beautiful and its a nice film for when you want to sit back and immerse yourself in something. Parts of it made me cry, but for the most part it was just a relaxing experience that didn’t take much emotional energy or brain power. This movie is also the reason you see queer women thirsting after Cate Blanchett all the time. 

Ek Ladki Ko Dekha Toh Laga - (Available on Netflix as of 4/19.) This Hindi-language Coming of age comedy drama is directed by Shelly Chopra Dhar and stars both Sonam and Anil Kapoor. It tells the story of Sweety Chaudhary, a young closeted lesbian Punjabi woman, from childhood to present adulthood as she struggles to reconcile her sexuality with her family’s expectations and her culture. This! film! was! amazing! It’s what inspired me to make this list and I can’t reccomend it enough. I cried SO HARD. I laughed SO MUCH. It was such an enjoyable, cathartic, touching experience and its so important to support. It’s subtitled on Netflix in 5 language options (English, Spanish, French, Simplified Chinese, and Traditional Chinese).

Love, Simon - Dir. by Greg Berlanti and released in 2018. This comedy-drama follows closeted gay 17 year old Simon Spier as he begins interacting on the internet with and falling for an anonymous gay kid who goes to his school. This is probably one of the most popular queer films out there but I did watch and enjoy it and thought I would rec it anyways. It was genuinely so good! It’s another one of the lighter films on this list, and at times it had me simultaneously laughing and crying. Keiynan Lonsdale was cast as the love interest, is queer irl, and he makes some amazing music including his very gay single “Kiss the Boy.”

Moonlight - (Available on Amazon Prime Video as of 4/19.) Dir. by Barry Jenkins and released in 2016, this drama takes a look into three distinct chapters or stages in the life of Chiron, a young, queer black man growing up in Miami. It follows his journey to manhood as he’s guided by his family, friends, and community. Janelle Monae made her film debut in this!! i’m assuming most of you already know who she is, but if not: Janelle is pansexual and has been making some amazing, super immersive concept albums over the past decade. “Moonlight” is both the first LGBT-related film and the first film with an all-black cast to ever win an Oscar!! 

Rafiki - Dir. by Wanuri Kahiu, premiered in 2018 at film festivals. Okay so I’m just gonna go ahead and admit I haven’t seen this personally yet because it hasn’t had it’s US wide release yet (but it’s slated for sometime in 2019!!!) and I can’t afford film festivals, but i already know from the trailer that it’s gonna be amazing and I’m gonna love it. “Rafiki” tells the story of Kena and Ziki, two young queer Kenyan girls, as they’re forced to choose between their personal truth and the desires of everyone around them. This was the first ever Kenyan film to be screened at Cannes Film Festival and was actually banned in Kenya. 

The Handmaiden - (Available on Amazon Prime Video as of 4/19.) Loosely based off the novel “Fingersmith” by Sarah Waters this film was directed by Park Chan-wook and released in 2016. It’s primarily in Korean with some Japanese, and English subtitles are available. Ive seen it described as a “lesbian revenge thriller” before and thats pretty accurate. Set in 1930s Korea under Japanese occupation it tells the story of a orphaned pickpocket sent to relieve a wealthy lady of her inheritance.

The Miseducation of Cameron Post - dir. by Desiree Akhavan and based off the novel of the same name by Emily M. Danforth, this coming of age drama is set in the early 90s and follows teenager Cameron Post after she is outed as gay and sent away by her Aunt to “God’s Promise” a Christian gay conversion camp. While there she befriends Jane Fonda, a disabled lesbian raised on a hippie commune and Adam Red Eagle, a lakota two spirit whose father recently converted to Christianity.

#reference #lgbt #film

[growing-up-growing-out]

reminder that being suicidal is a SERIOUS problem. i know this website has normalized the idea that having suicidal thoughts isn’t something that requires medical attention, but i promise it is and if you’re frequently having suicidal thoughts then it’s crucial for you to seek help.

#tw: suicide #suicide mention

[growing-up-growing-out]

[growing-up-growing-out]

The thing I hate most about depression is that it tricks you into thinking you don’t have depression. It makes you think that nothing is wrong with you, that you just feel this way because you lack value as a person. Whether that’s in your relationships, your academics, or a view of yourself, it makes you think you aren’t good enough for any of that.

“It’s not the illness,” it says, “You feel this way because it’s who you are.”

[growing-up-growing-out]

Hey I was wondering if you had any advice or resources for someone who wants to train their own service dog? I've looked down on it for a long time because I feel it isn't legitimate (I direct that feeling towards myself), but then realistically I will never be able to afford one. I do, however, have experience training dogs and enough free time (being unemployed and disabled) to train for the specific tasks I'd need (pressure therapy for panic attacks, interrupting self harm/flashbacks)

Hi anon! I’d be happy to help as much as I can, although there’s SO much information so I’m mostly going to be linking you to handy resources I’ve found and such. :) 

Financial costs of owner training a service dog:

Service dogs are super expensive indeed, even to owner train. It’s highly recommend to work with a breeder (which usually costs $1000-2000) rather than a rescue for SD work. Rescues have a 1/100 chance of working out. A pup from a reputable breeder has a statistical success rate of 8/10. 

You’ll also need to spend around $1000-2000 on training gear and supplies (high value treats, high quality food since SDs work so hard, lots of general dog gear, training games, etc). Then I’d definitely have an emergency budget to work with a behaviorist in case any issue came up. Around $1-2000 for this too would be good. 

I wanted to share this because it’s very unlikely for even an owner trained dog to cost less than this. Ours (which we spent three years fundraising for, finally able to cause of @themajorbarkana) is totaling to $11,000 to cover 2 years of training assistance (we’re doing most of the work), the bred pup, gear, vet costs, travel, etc. 

Owner training resources:

It definitely is possible to do all the training yourself, so that can definitely cost bunches less! There are lots of YouTube videos, books (this one is highly recommended; and I like this too), websites, and more to help you with this. 

Instagram has a friendly and helpful SD community. Google is great for getting individual tasks and behavioral help. Facebook has a helpful community (although sometimes really judgmental, but there can be good advise too). I’m a huge fan of this facebook group. Service Dogs for Invisible Disabilities I’d recommend avoiding, although maybe join for a bit just to see resources (but don’t engage if you have a mental illness, they tend to get really mean fast there and the admins are pretty emotionally abusive). 

On google, just scroll through the search for “training your own service dog” and read as much as you can!

Owner training process:

It’s actually pretty simple to owner train, just a lot of work and individual tasks. But this is a good guideline! 

Puppy socialization, housebreaking, and bonding

Canine Good Citizen tests (not required, but a good starting place for obedience); this is completed at the earliest at 6 months 

Begin teaching tasks, proofing obedience, and working your way into public spaces (6-24 months). 

It usually takes 2-3 years to owner train a service dog! It all depends on the time you have and the dog, but two years minimum is always a constant. 

I hope this helps you get a grasp on what it’s like! We’re happy to answer other questions, here or at our SD blog @taliandus :)

Also, if you do want financial support, you’re welcome to apply to our tarot deck’s fundraising program! I think you’d be an excellent candidate. You can hear about when we launch it in the next month or two here through our email list. 

#reference #service dog

[growing-up-growing-out]

[growing-up-growing-out]

Shout out to everyone who has trauma associated with the holidays. The ones for who this time is rough. The ones who have to go home to family that isn’t safe, or don’t have a family to go home to. You are all strong, and we’ll get through this.

[growing-up-growing-out]

i may be a bit lost and hard to understand but i swear my intentions are pure and my heart is big

[growing-up-growing-out]

The person I reblogged this from deserves to be happy

I tried to scroll past this. I really did

[growing-up-growing-out]

do not have a seizure. 0/10 would not recommend

[growing-up-growing-out]

How are you planning on teaching the alert to someone approaching? That would be really useful, but I can't find any explanations on /how/. Thanks!

Hi Anon,

Teaching alert to approach can be relatively difficult if you don’t have an attentive dog. It is essentially teaching the dog two behaviours, the second building on the first. 

Behaviour 1: Being alert

A lot of service dogs aren’t required to be hyper aware of their surroundings. For example, a dog that is used for medical alert, must be aware of its owner at all times, but it doesn’t really need to know what’s happening 20 feet away. To be able to alert to approach, a dog has to be able to be aware of its surrounding and its owner. I’m doing this by teaching two different cues when I want him to lie down. The first cue, settle, means that I know where I am and I know that nobody can come up to me, so he can relax. The second cue “Bewatch” means that he needs to be aware of what is going on. I have yet to introduce this to him as he is still having trouble with settling.

Behaviour 2: Actual alert

The alert that you choose can be anything. For Sargent, it is nudging me with his nose. Though this is initially taught to a cue, Sargent’s is (creatively) ‘alert’, the vocal cue is faded. Once you have a solid alert, you have a friend help you by approaching you from behind (it helps to have a mirror so you can see, or use the sound of their footsteps). Once they get within the range that you want an alert, you give your dog the alert cue. Once the dog is consistently performing the behaviour to someone approaching with the cue, have the person approach and don’t cue. If the behaviours have been trained properly up to this point, the dog will hopefully expect the cue and alert. If they don’t have your friend stop at the distance and wait for about 30 seconds. If they don’t offer an alert, cue it. Keep doing this until the dog is comfortable alerting from someone approaching from the back.

Now comes the frustrating part, going back to square one. Have your friend approach from a different angle, maybe three degrees to the left. When they approach, give the cue. Follow the same pattern as approaching from the back. Remember to proof the cue with a ton of different people and situations, so your dog doesn’t just alert to certain people.

The reason that I differentiate between settle and bewatch is because if the dog is working too long of a day, I want them to be able to relax. Once Sargent is more confident at settling, I’m going to ask him to turn his default into ‘bewatch’ and only settle when I ask him to. 

If you have any other questions or need clarification, feel free to send another ask! (I love getting them)

#reference

[growing-up-growing-out]

not to be fake deep but like average poor kids deserve affordable higher education too lmao. we shouldn’t be expected to get a perfect ACT, work 40 hours a week, do another 20 hours of extra circulars, be on the honor roll, take only AP classes, have a 4.5 GPA just to have a CHANCE at being able to afford college. esp when avrage rich kids can go wherever the fuck they want with a subpar GPA and test scores. 

[growing-up-growing-out]

Oh, btw cus I haven’t seen any posts about it yet, the 2018 asexual census survey is up, and people should defiantly go take it so that we can continue to have up to date information on community demographics.

You can find it here if you’re interested 

#reference

[growing-up-growing-out]

im so scared the rest of my life is gonna feel like this

[growing-up-growing-out]

PSA

Please don’t try to pick up small service dogs, ever.

Please.

[growing-up-growing-out]

“You could rattle the stars. You could do anything, if you only dared. And deep down, you know it too, and that’s what scares you the most.”

— Sarah J. Maas, Throne of Glass

#quotes

[growing-up-growing-out]

they called her a WITCH.