honeyhorns

[honeyhorns]

dragoncanefangs​:

“Correction.”

“A hot dork.”

“If that’s what helps you sleep at night, creep.”

#[My grandpa's vagina has no pathetic vaginas!] #dragoncanefangs #[Crack]

[honeyhorns]

dragoncanefangs​:

Buys an iPhone.

Throws it on the ground hard enough to smash it into itty bitty pieces.

“Capitalism.”

“... You’re a dork.”

#[crack] #dragoncanefangs

[honeyhorns]

Do you have any books about suddenly being possessed and made to foster a dozen alien babies all named banjo because of some twisted higher power?

"No. I'm afraid there are no spells to cure that kind of insanity."

#ask #anon #[STOP CALLING ME OUT FOR MY SIMS DRAMA]

[honeyhorns]

I need a spell to fix my plumbing.

Blood keeps coming out of the taps and the landlord said he'd fix it a month ago.

"Pretty sure your landlord is dumping bodies in the sewage system, my friend. You don't need a spell, you need the FBI."

#ask #anon

[honeyhorns]

I think I've been hexed.

I keep waking up with no girlfriend despite being a man in his twenties sending dick pics.

Can you cure me?

" ... Ew. Go read something on female sexuality. None of my books can help you."

#ask #anon

[honeyhorns]

I bought a book from you last month and did a spell to pass my maths test.

Now I have a demon shouting calculus at me in my shower. Help.

"... Didn't you read the preparation notes? There are very clear warnings about this type of thing... For a fee, I'll help you get rid of it."

#ask #anon

[honeyhorns]

Any tips on training familiars? My black cat called me a depressed bitch.

He's not wrong but I don't like his sass

"Black cats are sassy by nature. They've been persecuted for centuries, and even burned in bonfires because of stupid superstitions. You think they're gonna carry on taking people's shit?

The best way to make your familiar more tame is by bringing it gifts. Valravn likes to eat snails, so every day I'll bring him a few. It's about showing them that you respect and appreciate their presence. Try feeding your cat some cooked meat or fish, as opposed to store-bought canned food."

#ask #anon

[honeyhorns]

I want to get revenge on my ex for cheating

What non legal spells can your prescribe?

"There's technically no such thing as a legal or illegal spell. And some are quite simple. Here's what you do:

Cut a slit into a fresh cucumber. Write the person's name and date of birth on a piece of paper, fold it, and put it inside the slit. Then use nails to close the slit up. Place the whole thing into the freezer and leave it there. The man it represents won't ever be able to get a boner again. Have fun!"

#ask #anon

[honeyhorns]

......Okay but do you?

"... I can make you a coffee is that's what you want."

#ask #anon

[honeyhorns]

“I bet you don’t really need those glasses.” 

[ Soft Fluff, accepting! ]

"No.. but don't they make me look sophisticated? Like a sexy librarian, right?"

@banditborn

#ask #banditborn #[Meme]

[honeyhorns]

Do you do pumpkin spiced potions? I want to summon Halloween.

"Don't insult my craft."

#ask #anon #[Monster Verse]

[honeyhorns]

SOFT FLUFF;

send one for my muse's reaction!

“I want to know you, [NAME].” “How about making me vice president in charge of cheering you up?”  “Try to get some sleep. You’ll feel better.”  “I bet you don’t really need those glasses.”  “These days are like a miracle.”  “You might catch a cold, you know?“ “I’m just happy you’re back.” “You think I can stay with you for a while?” “Your kindness is like a candle. It lights up. When it does, it brings a happy smile to my face.”  “It’s fine. You can call my name without needing anything, and I don’t mind if you hang around where I can see you, and if something pisses you off, you can hit me.”  “I love you!”  “You look so beautiful right now. I can’t even tell you.” “Everything about you is so easy to love.”  “In the crooks of your body, I find my religion.” “You are, I think, an evening star, the fairest of all the stars.” “I’ll send you a bouquet.”  “Skip class today, let’s walk together in the park.”  “Being able to see you smile, being in your vicinity, just that is enough for me.”  “When I’m with you I can be myself naturally.”  “If only one request is granted then let me sleep next to you.”  “I want to hug you once more, as soft as I can.”  “My friend, for who could be my equal but you.”  “When I see you, I feel struck by a sense of duty to feed you!” “I have a request. Will you eat dinner with me? Will you eat and make dinner with me?”  “You were scared? But now, you are safe.” “[NAME]. You’re my number one friend. A friend like you… won’t show up before me ever again. You’re that important, even if you don’t want to be.” “Hey, this is delicious. Really delicious. Okay, open your mouth.” “You came back.“ “I think I’m falling in love with you.” “I’m the luckiest person in the world.“  “Uh, here, this is for, uh, you.”  “Thank you for always thinking of me, and worrying about me.”  “I know I’ve cause a lot of trouble, so I don’t know if I can say this, but… But if you would still be my friend… I would be really happy.” “If maybe I have managed to change just a bit… It’s because I found people who accept me.” “You’re just too warm and fuzzy!” “I think I’m falling in love with you.” “Change is exhausting. I feel like there’s nowhere to hide from all the newness of everything. Except here. With you.”  “I lie awake at night and imagine running my fingers through your hair.” “I like your hair down. You look pretty.“  “Just meeting you made me happy.”  “Your voice is more comfortable to listen to than anyone else’s.” “I want to… be with you…” “Take my hand.”  “If I may, that is, it would give me the greatest pleasure if you would do me the honor of letting me lead you through this dance.” “Please, stay by my side.” “[NAME], I… want to be together with you.”  “You’re… beautiful.”

[honeyhorns]

dragoncanefangs​:

“Mrrr I find this proposal…

UNACCEPTABLE!”

“PLEEEASE, I have been nothing but loyal to you, Sire!”

#[crack]

[honeyhorns]

dragoncanefangs​:

“You may have one…

ONLY ONE!”

“Give me TWO!!!”

#[crack]

[honeyhorns]

“PLEASE, sire... might I have but a crumb of OATS?”

[honeyhorns]

sometimes you gotta summon a new friend

#[ooc]

[honeyhorns]

“Shocked and disappointed that nobody has swung a punch yet.”

#[dash commentary]