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Statements I would absolutely love to see:

Person has grudge on inanimate object. This takes over their life.

Itching

My house hates me oh god oh god

My computer is fucking BLEEDING

I keep causing people's deaths and I don't know why I swear it's accidental

Trapeze artist dies falling from the trapeze over and over again

Teeth

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Jet from atla is so funny bc like, he's fighting zuko and taunting him being like "bet you wanna use some fire instead of those swords, dont u fireboy" which is a funny thing to say to a guy who is clearly very eager to fight using swords

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gender is a performance and im getting heckled by those old gay muppets

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new ref for an ox i adopted. he has such a good design

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WHY????

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“Made ya look!”

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A group of axolotls should be called an axolotalotalotalotalotalotl.

#axolotl #axolotls #shitpost

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one of my classmates just confidently said with his whole chest that gandhi was british.

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btw i think if you tried to explain politics to Winnie the Pooh he wouldn't really get it & then if you went on explaining he'd be like 'why can't we all just be nice to each other' and you'd be like you got me there Pooh. I just don't know. :(

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Look it's not my fault Take a Hint from Victorious is such a fucking bop, or that Jade and Tori are genuinely an iconic ship.

I did not have "potential hyperfixation on tween Nickelodeon sitcoms I've technically never watched on my own" on my bingo card for this year but.

Here we are.

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she put her paw on my foot and started purring

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” I don’t go here but…” is such a cool tag to get idc idc. You don’t know what I’m talking about but you like it anyways? Let’s make out

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Wait. Guys, if Miss Holloway is trans she won the trans lottery. No one can remember her dead name.

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Me @ everyone rn:

Dracula daily starts in just a couple weeks!