intxrritus

[intxrritus]

A Safe Haven | J. Miller Series

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Series Summary: When Joel Miller and Ellie Williams return to Jackson, Wyoming to begin their new lives, the last thing Joel expects is to catch the eye of the thriving community’s equine veterinarian. Young, beautiful, and married, Joel knows that he should stay away from a woman like you, but he can’t help but to be drawn to you like a moth to a flame. As you start growing closer to both Joel and Ellie, you find out all about the secrets they both carry—and they find out you’ve been hiding a secret or two of your own.

Warnings/Tags: 18+ only, Minors DNI. Canon violence, canon language, age gap, infidelity, infertility, domestic violence and abuse, pregnancy. Chapters will come with their own individual warnings.

*MOODBOARD FOR AESTHETIC PURPOSES ONLY

Chapter One - Sun to Me

Chapter Two - Dancing in the Moonlight

Chapter Three - Can’t Help Falling in Love

Drabble - The Truth

Chapter Four - Treacherous

Chapter Five - Wildfire**

Drabble - Jealousy

Chapter Six - Butterflies**

Drabble - Words Left Unspoken

Chapter Seven - Illicit Affairs**

Chapter Eight - Truth Be Told

Drabble - Lost On You

Chapter Nine - Nothing’s Gonna Hurt You Baby

Chapter Ten - Untitled

Chapter Eleven - Untitled

Chapter Twelve - Untitled

Epilogue

Extras

Series Playlist

Supporting Character Face Claims

Peach FC/Moodboard (please read disclaimer)

Joel x Peach Moodboard made by the lovely @johnwatsn

ASH Moodboard made by the lovely @morning-star-joy

ASH Peach x Joel Edit by the lovely @cavillscurls

Beautiful ASH Drawing by my love @cutesyscreenname

Pains (Drabble Request) - When Ellie has awful menstrual cramps, you come to the rescue.

Unconditional (Drabble) - After your first night together in the barn, Joel tells you he’s worried about the possibility of you getting pregnant; You tell him that he doesn’t have anything to worry about and it leads to a heartfelt conversation—and realization.

Headcanons l Asks l Blurbs

Joel x Peach Smutty Headcanons

Ellie sees a hickey on Joel (Blurb)

Joel talks about missing Sarah (Blurb)

[intxrritus]

18+ MDNI, ** indicates smut

a stranger's heart without a home** (Post-Outbreak friends with benefits)

but you know the killer doesn't understand** (Post-Outbreak neighbors)

Taylor Swift lyric inspired one-shot collection**

Regency!Joel (might end up being a series someday)

pining and anticipation (Sub!Joel x F!Reader)**

[intxrritus]

Joel Miller Masterlist

series

Of Saints and Sinners - completed

Apothecary - on hiatus

June - completed

Only Lovers Left Alive - ongoing

Hungry Hearts - completed

Deliver Me From Nowhere - ongoing

oneshots

I've Got You

Sweetness

A High Price

Make it Better

Easy, Cowboy

Unexpected Expectings

Baby Blue - a continuation of Sweetness

We'll Be Expecting You - a continuation of Unexpected Expectings

Not What You Expected - a continuation of Unexpected Expectings

In a Pinch (Sweetness Universe)

Nothing to Hide

The Hayloft

requests

A Big Break

Talking Shop (Unexpected Expectings universe)

Big Fan

Big Fan - Part Two

Spring Foals

Splash

All Yours

Pieces of Our Path

Menace

Cold As Ice

Ride It

Let's Take a Ride - a continuation of Ride It

Looking

High Expectations (Unexpected Expectings universe)

Good

Better Off - a continuation of Looking

Unmet Expectations (Unexpected Expectings universe)

Untitled [drunk!joel begs his woman for another baby] (Unexpected Expectings Universe

An Unexpected Addition (Unexpected Expectings universe)

Jealousy, Jealousy

Favorite Part

What a Ride

Birds of a Feather

Unexpected Circumstances (Unexpected Expectings Universe)

Summer Lovin

[intxrritus]

Vengeance: A Star Wars Story

Chapter 2: 13.2 ABY - Senate Capital, Hosnian Prime

A couple of years passed, new visions and dreams of the cave spread out among them. I became a reclusive child, even more than I was before. Out of fear of reprimand, I followed orders and remained obedient to my elders. Whether it was Duran or other officers that I interacted with, I did my best to stay out of the way or at least be as least frustrating to be around as I could manage. I matured with a military mindset, becoming highly educated in what it meant to be a good soldier in the eyes of my superiors. I spent most of my time growing up learning all I could about the different branches of the Defense Force, spending every day at the back of different classrooms and lessons given by instructors who were experts in their field of study. Weapon mechanics and sharp shooting were simple for me to pick up with the amount of time I spent in simulations to pass the time while advanced training classes weren’t readily available for me to visit. I also tried my best to stay physically fit, following the schedule and workout routines that I would observe new recruits doing when we’d return to HQ on Chandrila, which is what we considered to be home base. Interestingly, though, aviation was second nature to me. As soon as I had the opportunity to roam maintenance bays on the Air Force bases we would occasionally visit, I found that I knew the mechanics and engineering of all the ships we had on base.

However, despite spending all of my time over the years learning about every part of the military, I was never apprised of the political side. Being a kid still, I was never welcomed in on meetings or allowed to roam on my own. Wherever Duran would go, off base or not, I was left with special instructions to stay out of the way and never bother anyone. This of course made me grow to hate my age and position, feeling embarrassed when privates would give me a weird look when they’d see me at the back of their classrooms. Luckily, on the bases we regularly visited, the instructors grew to tolerate my presence, or so I assumed. It never made me feel less embarrassed about being there, though.

After arguably our longest stay on the current Senate Capital base on Hosnian Prime, Duran advised me that he would be going on a mission for an indefinite amount of time. A couple weeks after my eighth birthday, he brought me to Corellia to meet with a family named the Novars, the father being one of Duran’s old unit buddies when they were first recruits. They offered to house me while he was away. Without a word of when he would return, Duran warned me to keep my Force sensitivity a secret and to not use it around the family and dropped me off. He thanked Cyril, the father, and his wife, Ranna, shared a few hushed worlds with them, and left.

After they showed me to my room and gave me a tour of the large house, they led me out onto the balcony and down to the private beach and lake they had, where a child seemingly around my age was sitting. 

"Vera," Cyril began, "this is our son Urik. Urik, this is Vera. She'll be staying with us for a while."

The boy looked up at us from the sandy ground. He was my age, perhaps a year younger, had bright blond hair that caught the afternoon sunlight and golden amber eyes.

"Hi." He stood up, acting a bit shy.

"Hi," I replied back, feeling nervous myself. 

This was the first time that I was staying with an actual family that had children my age. It was a bizarre feeling to relax around people, to not have to explain or justify the things I said or felt. I would always apologize if I happened to be in the way or needed something that I couldn’t handle myself, in which Ranna would always brush my hair lightly with her hand and tell me I didn’t have to apologize.

The lack of physical affection I suffered from up until that point prevented me from truly connecting with the three of them at the start. Cyril was gone during the days, but Ranna and Urik stayed at home. After a week or so, I started to listen in on the few homeschool lessons Ranna would give Urik in the mornings. They had enrolled me at the local school shortly after my arrival, though, so I accompanied Urik there. It was rare for me to be on bases that had military families living on them that would have regular educational classes, but I had a few to get myself by aside from what I was able to learn on my own. My knowledge of weaponry, combat tactics, and military terminology surpassed the other education I had; I could disassemble and reassemble a blaster rifle in less than a minute, but I knew next to nothing about the history of the galaxy or the various sciences of the planets, nor the spiritual or philosophical ideas that were shared. 

This dissonance showed early on. I excelled in the physical classes, of course, but as soon as a teacher asked for my opinion on the philosophical nature of the Force, I would feel my heart drop. I’d say I was taught that it was an unnatural phenomenon that caused more harm than any benefits. The answer that flowed from my mouth was in Duran’s words and it killed me to say it. I was truly Duran's daughter, following the philosophy of my superior, and it dug into me deeply, just adding to the void of self hatred I had started to accumulate.

It was those moments, the stark realization that I wasn’t like other children like me, that I had been raised as if I were an adult soldier since birth, that truly made me feel isolated and alone. The larger part of me wasn’t aware of the way I was raised and how it affected others—how apathetic it made me. But there was a small part of me that did, that saw the aftermath of my actions and questioned why I was doing it. The dichotomy was only one of many pieces of who I was that I didn’t understand, that I still don’t. 

Through the first couple of months, I had the hope that I would grow to love the Novars. I wanted more than anything to become close to them to the point that when Duran returned, if he ever did, he would see how different I was with them and let them adopt me permanently. And the first months were wondrous beyond my wildest dreams; Ranna was the first truly loving and motherly figure I had interacted with and I felt her love as if I were her own. Cyril, while mostly away during the days, always said my name with warmth and welcome that created a sense of ease when in his presence. Urik was kind and playful and had become my best friend early on.

I didn’t exactly know when that all shifted. It felt as if I woke up one morning and there was complete discord within the family. A dark heaviness settled in the house and I no longer felt the same warmth from the beginning. Ranna and Cyril started to bicker whenever he’d return home, which led to him being absent for days at a time, then to full-blown fights that rattled the walls of the home. They’d have a brief sense of normalcy when they’d come home—as if leaving for a brief time allowed them to shed the negativity—but would always return to the same harsh ways.

Urik became obsessed with spending as much time with me as possible. In the beginning, he was quiet but friendly, easing into conversations with me with a sense of maturity that I appreciated. But like his parents, he, too, changed. He became far more rebellious, which caused strife between him and his parents. He’d convince me to stay out far later than we were allowed at our age, beginning to steal simple things like food, but escalated to other more expensive goods. There were times where he would get caught, both of us spending more than a night or two in jail as punishment from Ranna and Cyril. But Urik loved it all the same.

There of course was a part of me that enjoyed the rebellion. To break free of the constraints placed on me by Duran was an incredible change of pace. I didn’t care if we were breaking the law, getting caught, being reprimanded. I loved the attention Urik gave me, as if I were his best friend and partner in crime. I eventually started to use the Force secretly to get a feel for it for the first time. Every time I would use it, mostly the mind reading and persuasion, I would get a rush from it. Almost like a high; I wanted to use it more and more. Urik eventually caught on, which brought us closer. He didn’t shame me for having it; he reveled in the fact that I was more powerful than anyone around us and encouraged me to use it to my advantage.

God, did I love it. Being able to get away with anything I wanted, go wherever I desired—just the feeling of the Force coursing through me was like I had met my true self for the first time. I noticed the more I used it, the more the energy of everyone around me shifted much quicker and became more severe. It was then that I knew I was the reason the discord ripped through the Novars and touched everyone around me. 

A smaller part of me, the side of that was formed in Duran’s image and was more conscious of my actions and consequences, knowing it was inevitable that someone would notice and discover that the corruption of everyone was my fault. I felt as if the negative was bleeding out of me, through the words I’d say or simply with my presence alone. I’d wake up in the night feeling like I was between my reality and my Force dreams in the cave. The dark I felt around me from the cave echoed while I was awake.

The darker part of me reveled in it.

I had been away from Duran for so long at that point that I convinced myself he wasn’t coming back and I was now free to find who I truly was, to discover what the Force part of me actually was. At ten years old, I had learned to focus on that negativity, that dark echo. I’d sit calmly in the chaos around me and feel the sense of the cave around me. What was once only a dream became a place I could easily access while completely conscious. I’d feel the cool air around me, taste the water in the air, see that figure’s burning red core in my mind’s eye. Focusing on these sensations while literally watching the world around me, I found, made every person around me fall into shambles. Such passionate anger would erupt and fire out of everyone’s mouths. I watched in curiosity and wondered what else I could do with those who weren’t Force sensitive.

I never felt evil, whatever that actually meant. I wasn’t killing people or leading them to their demise—I was meditating on an inherent part of me that I never viewed as bad or evil. This part of me was a beautiful mystery that I was forced to repress out of survival. But this freedom allowed me to discover what it was and who I could become with it. How it affected those around me was no concern of mine.

Maybe I was selfish. But I just couldn’t find a reason to care.

“I can’t take it anymore!” Ranna yelled from the living room as Urik and I walked in from our lessons at school one day. “You tell him to come here now or I’m leaving!”

“Fine!” Cyril yelled back, fueled with the same caliber of frustration. We stood in the foyer that opened to the living room, but they were too blind with rage to see us. “I’ll see what I can do.”

“‘What you can do’ isn’t good enough! I’m going crazy, Cyril! I feel like I’m just being swallowed with hate and anger and I hate it, I can’t stand feeling like I can’t breathe.” She was panting at this point, her hand over her chest. “I only feel this way when I’m here. And I know damn well that you feel it, too.”

“Of course I do, I just handle it better.”

“Fuck off, Cyril.” She hastily turned but stopped as soon as she saw us. “Oh. I didn’t hear you come home.”

“You never do.” Urik rolled his eyes.

“I’ve had just about enough of you, too,” she said sharply, her finger pointing to him. “Both of you leave, please. Go find something to do.”

Urik grabbed the strap of my bag and pulled me towards the hall to his bedroom. He sat heavily on his bed, his bag dropping to the floor as I closed the door behind us. “I hate it here. I swear I’m going to run away as soon as I’m old enough.”

“Why?” I sat at the end of his bed, my back against his wall.

“Are you kidding?” he scoffed. “It’s hell here and it’s getting worse. They blame everything else but themselves for what’s going on, but it’s crap.”

“Why not leave now?”

He sat up. “We’re only ten. How would we get by? Where would we live or how would we eat?”

I shrugged. “It’s easy. We’d just steal food and stay in abandoned homes or sneak into inns. Or join a gang,” I joked.

He had a sense of excitement in his eyes. “You don’t think we’re too young?”

“You are, for sure. With the way they raised you, you wouldn’t last a day without me. But some day, I’m sure.”

—

He fell asleep in my room that night, talking to me about what life would be like if we ran away together. But early that morning, my door slammed open, waking us both up with a start.

“Your dad is here, Vera. Time to leave.” Cyril tossed a large bag into the room. 

“What?” I asked, confused. “Duran?”

“Yes. Come on, pack it up,” he ushered with a hasty tone.

“No, she can’t leave!” Urik protested, stealing the bag away from me.

“Go to your room Urik.” Cyril stared his son down.

“No, not without Vera.”

Cyril, who had never been one to lay a hand on anyone, grabbed Urik roughly by his shirt, ripped the bag away from him and carried him off to his room. Urik called my name, yelling at me to stay, but I knew it was my time. I had corrupted the family enough, and it was time to return to the one person who could control me.

I packed up the few things that were mine and left the room. Cyril stomped up the hallway behind me, Urik pounding at his door, while Ranna was standing beside Duran, looking completely disheveled. 

“Vera,” Duran said as I walked up to him. I couldn’t deny a small sense of familiar relief at seeing him, which I deeply resented.

“Sir.” 

“I appreciate all that you’ve done for me and Vera the last two and a half years,” he said to the two of them. 

“It’s fine, just please—” Ranna started but cut herself off. 

Duran gave a short nod before leaving the house with me in tow. We silently made our way from their house to the transport down the road. I knew questions burned within him—I could sense their presence, and I desperately wanted to know all of them. I wanted to confirm the disappointment I knew he felt of me, further vindicate my annoyance with him. But we remained quiet as we took the transport to the ship docking bay in the city. It wasn’t until we were settled into his ship and in hyperdrive when he finally spoke up.

“I shouldn’t have left you with them for so long.” It was a comment I didn’t expect—I would’ve guessed something more angry or accusatory, but his tone was more sympathetic than I was used to from him.

“Why did you?”

He sighed slightly. "I had to dedicate all of my time and focus on determining if there was an impending war coming. I couldn't spare any of my time watching over you."

“Why did you pick me up now, then?”

“It wasn’t my choice; I still have far too much to handle to also watch over you. But the Novars insisted that I come get you.”

I crossed my arms, a bit annoyed but also vindicated. “I know it was because of me.”

He gave me a slightly derisive look. “Good. So you’re aware of it.”

“ It. ”

“You’re old enough to be aware of it.”

“What, the Dark ?” I mocked.

“That is nothing to joke about, Vera.”

“There’s nothing wrong with it.”

“Haven’t you seen what happened to the Novars in the two years you lived with them? I’ve known them since I was young and they have not once acted like that.”

“I can’t help it, everyone else seems to get angry or chaotic when I’m around. But what am I to expect when you’re so controlling and isolate me all the time? If I had the chance to socialize and learn to control it on my own, it wouldn’t be a problem.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Neither do you.”

“I do, actually. The discipline I have raised you with is what’s best for you, and I expect you to return to the same attitude we had prior to your stay with the Novars. Understood?”

“Yes,” I sighed and fell silent. 

As he promised, things returned to normal after the trip home. We moved from New Republic military bases fairly often but centered on planets where the Senate was prevalent. I kept to myself while focusing on the rudimentary education with children my age and the training I’d see of the adult soldiers. Duran’s presence was always around, whether he was with me in person or not.

Within the first month, I began to test how far I could go in evoking the Dark without raising Duran’s suspicions. I started with only doing it at night when I knew he was asleep—I’d sit on my bed, close my eyes and meditate until I felt the coldness on my skin and could see the cave in my mind. Then I began to branch out to imagining myself walking into the cave while in classes or around soldiers in simulations and feeling the air of the room completely shift, whoever I was around quickly turning frustrated or a touch hostile. But I’d always ease up, gathering that negative energy back and watching as things returned to normal. 

The playful depravity I continued with to keep myself sane and entertained didn’t go unnoticed by Duran. I despised how easily he knew when I was using the Force, or even letting it flow through me without actively using it. But without fail, he’d always catch me and reprimand me. I began to only use it every so often at night, feeling like that was the only time I could connect with it. I avoided thinking about Duran in any way and made sure to block him, his presence, and mind away from me in an attempt to protect myself from him during those rare nights. It was a relief when I’d never get a stern talking to in the morning about it from him.

—

         Are you there?

I sat up in my bed one night, slightly startled at hearing the words echo in my mind. Was I dreaming? The words felt real, as if someone were speaking to me directly, but I felt the timbre of their voice resonate in my soul. It evoked the same kinetic feeling the Force had.

“Who are you?” I whispered aloud, focusing on the feeling.

         I don’t know what you see me as.

I knew in some innate part of me that it was the figure from the cave. I closed my eyes and focused on his voice, attempting to talk to him telepathically.

I think you’re a dark figure with red burning at the center for me. I see you in my Force dreams in a cave.

         I see you in my Force dreams, too. I’m surprised that I’m able to speak to you now.

I thought you were part of my imagination. You’re real?

         Just as you are.

Why are we able to talk to each other now?

         We're connected by the Force, so perhaps it's because we're both using it now?

I don't use the Force at all, except for visiting the cave a couple nights a month. But maybe you're right; we can speak when I accidently tune into it. Do you use the Force?

         Yes, I've grown up using it. Why don't you?

The way I was raised, I guess. My caretaker has always held the notion that the Force is a negative thing and shouldn't be used. I hate to admit it, but he's been right... at least with me.

         Wow. I've had a completely different experience with it.

How so?

         It's… like breathing. I feel that it's a necessity for me; that I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I wasn't using it. It connects me to everything in the universe, physical and non-physical. 

Oh. I frowned. I want to know more about it, but it's just corrupted and ruined everyone around me.

         Are you going to train with it? That would probably help you on the right path. 

No, I'm sure my caretaker would rather me die than train with it.

         That's tragic. I'm deeply sorry.

It's okay. It at least allows me to connect with you. You're not evil though, right? I mean, I wouldn't be surprised if you were. It’s seemingly all I attract with the Force.

         No, of course not. I felt his energy lighten.  

Good, I chuckled. I want to get to know you, but I'm terrified of being found out. He somehow knows when I use the Force.

         I want the same. But I would want you to be safe.

Maybe we can talk at a later time?

         When you feel ready to. Just tune into the Force and speak as if I were with you.

I hope that's soon.

         I do, too.

Being safe, I closed off the connection and buried the Force inside, hoping that Duran wouldn't have sensed me using it. What he said regarding his connection to the Force made me curious—it was the complete opposite than what I was raised to believe. It was something I deeply resonated with and wished more than anything could live that way. But the uncomfortable cot beneath me in unused quarters was enough of a reminder of how my life truly was: secret and oppressed by the cold military mentality.

Every so often when I would feel comfortable enough, I would tune in. I’d immediately feel his energy, which always caused a bright burst of excitement. Our conversations were short, basically just saying hello—I wanted to know more about him after six or so months had passed from our initial contact, so I tried to push for him to open up.

         I can’t. I’d like to, but I have a bad feeling about it.

Why?

         I can’t explain it. I already feel that what I know about you is building to something dangerous. I’ve started to mentally block all of our conversations and what I learn about you because I just… I have this feeling I need to.

Are you ashamed of our connection?

         No, absolutely not. I want nothing more than to talk to you until the Void calls us. But I foresee trouble ahead if we do.

That probably means we should keep conversations at a minimum and nothing of importance, right?

         Unfortunately. But you'll at least always feel my presence, as I always feel yours.

That’ll be enough, I think. I hope.

After that decision, our direct contact diminished. He was right, though; if I ever felt the need to tune into the Force and feel him, he would always be there. He radiated warmth and comfort and harmony unlike anything else I had ever experienced and all I wanted to do was live with that feeling for the rest of my existence. I found that as years passed, that was enough for me to feel like I wasn't alone in the world.

Even with finding this connection and having an overwhelming desire to leave everything behind and find out who he was, I knew I had to learn to find purpose in my life outside of him. I took our decision to remain anonymous for each other's safety to heart; I suspected if I knew any identifying information about him, Duran would inevitably find out and I couldn't bear the thought of him being hunted down or something to that effect. Duran never explicitly said that the Force was bad and those who were Force sensitive shouldn't be allowed to use it, but god, the way he raised me to do just that made me think otherwise. So ultimately, keeping the Force figure a secret was best and kept him safe as well.

· · ─────── ·༓· ─────── · ·

#star wars #star wars fanfiction #star wars sequels #kylo ren #kylo ren x reader #kylo ren fanfiction #kylo #ben solo #fanfiction #ao3 fanfic #vengeance: a star wars story

[intxrritus]

Vengeance: A Star Wars Story

Chapter One

From an early age, I learned a few simple but important lessons: 

One, destiny, if it even existed, called me to be an outsider. 

Two, trust was a liability.

Three, I was nothing more than a burden to my father.

ONE

I knew I was Force sensitive from a very young age, but I never knew what it truly was. The Force came naturally to me: for as long as I could remember, I found a way to get what I want from those around me, whether or not they were aware of my powers—I learned that if I focused on what I wanted by visualizing the outcome, and like a charm, every desire of mine manifested. They were simple things in my youth, like being able to escape school on whatever military base I lived on at the time, extra allotted snacks, or gaining access to my father, Lieutenant General Duran Zadar of the New Republic’s Defense Fleet. In times of stress, I would go outside, sit down, close my eyes, and breathe, immediately feeling the energy of the ground beneath me. The lifeforce of the living planet and the hum of the life around me calmed me down, allowed me to ground myself and work through whatever thoughts I had. 

I easily became overwhelmed with hearing thoughts and seeing the memories of others unwillingly; it was this particular skill that bothered me the most, as I couldn't find a way to really control it at a mere six years old, and I couldn't talk to Duran about it. There wasn’t a way for me to express how overpowering the sounds of everyone could be.

At one point, I ran away into the forest that surrounded the D’Qar base in search of the silence, finding a comfortable place on the forest floor to quietly meditate. Everything around me faded away: my own thoughts, the thousands of others that I could hear that weren’t mine, the chatter of military personnel, the loud sounds of X-Wings being worked on, the harsh commands of the training officers in boot camp that were all too triggering to me as a child. All of that faded away as I closed my eyes and basked in the warm sunlight in a clearing, my mind finally becoming quiet while feeling the electric current of the physical plane around me—the way the sun felt on my skin, how it felt breathing it in with the air, the breeze that was all around me, the quiet sounds of various animals throughout the forest. In what felt like a few minutes, I calmed down completely and remained quiet.

“Vera,” Duran’s command voice sliced through the energy and pierced me, bringing me back to reality. I quickly opened my eyes and to my surprise, found myself floating in mid air, rocks and loose foliage floating aimlessly around me. I immediately fell to the ground, as did everything that was around me. Duran held a look of disdain on his face. The few Privates that came with him watched me in awe.

“Your kid is Force sensitive?” one of them asked Duran with a small laugh of disbelief.

“Return back to base Privates,” he ordered. They saluted him and left us alone.

Without a word, he knelt in front of me and lifted my face to make eye contact with me. His death grip on my small jaw told me more than he could ever say. That was the first time that I feared him—it was as if he could see into the depths of my soul on the forest floor. With a deep sigh, he released me and stood.

“Back to your room. You’re prohibited from leaving until I say so. Do you understand?”

“Yes, sir.”

TWO

After that incident, I was always kept in rooms away from anyone while on different bases or left with people I had never met when Duran was on extended missions. I felt ashamed for being Force sensitive, for having something that caused shame to rise in my father’s eyes as he looked at me. The illusion that he cared for me as a parent instead of a stationed officer shattered under his grip and watchful eye.

Because of his sudden change in demeanor, I learned to not trust him. I was his blood, but I never considered him family—I never considered anyone family. Attachment and the trust that came with it became a gateway to harm, allowing my secret to be left in the hands of my guardians.

That careful lack of trust became embedded in me when I was left with countless military families the times Duran’s mission had no room for him to parent his child. I knew I was constantly being watched and observed by whomever I stayed with, as if I were an experiment of some sort. 

Duran always had a serious conversation with them before leaving with me. I couldn't find what it was about, even when I addressed my caretakers directly about it; they always had the same look of worry in their eyes before telling me it was nothing or telling me a lie, and physically looked relieved as soon as Duran appeared. The few times I was able to concentrate hard on getting information out of them, I'd learn about how he warned them "not to be open around me" or to "build a mental wall to push me out"—things that didn't make sense as a child, but hit me later on, after I discovered my influence over people.

THREE

I kept my Force sensitivity a secret from everyone in fear of being shamed. I tried to quietly learn to control the powers I had gained, mostly the mind reading, and learned to suppress the call of the Force. But early on, there were times where I slipped up, being so young and unaware of the sheer power of the Force that I was trying to repress.

When we were staying at a small base on Kuat a few months after I discovered the Force, I was having trouble suppressing the wandering thoughts of the personnel around me, causing restlessness at night. As I tried to find a way to block them out to finally get some rest, I heard my own voice distantly. 

“The Void,” I could hear myself say. I closed my eyes and focused on that conversation, starting to visualize the memory it came from.

—

I saw myself sitting at a coffee table in a large office, perhaps age four, casually drawing what looked to be a black cave or mass. In the center was a dark figure with a red center. Duran was looking at me with concern from the desk while I was completely unaware.

“What’s ‘The Void’?”

“It’s this place that I go to in my dreams. It calls my name. I have a friend there, too. It’s hard to sleep sometimes, but The Void helps me.”

Duran swiftly moved from the desk to the other side of the coffee table, looking at the drawing I was making. “Is that it?” 

I nodded, showing him the picture. “It’s like a cave. No matter the dreams I have, I can always find it.”

He roughly took the picture from my hands, my childish happiness immediately turning to confusion.

“The Void is a bad place, okay? You can never go there again. You need to forget about it. Do you understand, Vera?”

I didn’t answer at first, wanting to protest him but his tone terrified me.

“Vera,” he grabbed my jaw and forced me to face him, his eyes bearing into mine uncomfortably. “Do you understand me?”

“Yes, sir,” I managed to say. He let me go, crumbled up the piece of paper I had been drawing on, and shoved it in his pocket.

“I never want you to speak of this again.” He picked up his comlink, a quiet voice coming from the other end that I couldn’t make out. “Get me the General now.”

—

The memory faded away as I regained my surroundings back on Kuat. I had forgotten about The Void in fear of the reparations from Duran. While that’s all I could remember myself, I could feel Duran’s thoughts elsewhere on the base. Out of spite and curiosity, I closed my eyes and followed his memory of the event.

He locked the office door with me inside and made his way to another part of the base. There was a large circular table at the center of a large room that was empty, Duran locking the door behind him and blacking out all the windows. He connected his comlink to the table and a moment later, a clear hologram of a young woman appeared.

“Lieutenant General,” she said with a strong voice.

“General Organa.” He saluted her. “I apologize for disturbing you, but I have something troubling that I was hoping to discuss with you.”

“What’s going on Duran?”

“I’m concerned that my child Vera may be of the Dark side.”

“She’s Force sensitive?”

“She doesn’t exhibit obvious signs of using the Force, but...” he paused, “I feel like she sees my thoughts. And everyone else’s. She’s started to run off base during the day, and I suspect it’s because of that. There have been a few times where she’s able to coerce others into doing what she wants—simple things. Back when she was an infant, I was told she was born from something dark. She drew this today.” He smoothed out the picture I had drawn and uploaded it for the General to see on her side. She examined the picture. “She calls it ‘The Void’. It’s a place she goes in her dreams that call her by name. She told me the black figure with the red in the center is a friend. I'm fearful that despite my best efforts, she is Force sensitive and that she's been claimed by the Dark.”

The General remained silent for a while as she looked at the drawing. Even as a hologram, I could tell she was mulling over an important decision, trying to find the right words to say to him. She made eye contact with him.

“Duran—”

“Vera!” Duran yelled, my door slamming open, making me jump and center back to reality. Duran looked visibly furious, even with his restrained composure.

“What did she say?” I asked without acknowledging his fury.

“What did I tell you about the mind reading?”

“I don’t care!” I yelled, my heart feeling overwhelmed with desperation. “ What did the General say?”

He stood in the doorway silently, his nostrils flaring and his chest heaving, staring at me with the same intensity as that day in the forest a year before. This, however, was far more fueled by rage and a sense of betrayal. “It doesn’t matter. You’re too young to know those things. But I swear to you, Vera, if this happens again, you will not like the outcome. Do you understand me?”

I crossed my arms and avoided his gaze, unwilling to apologize for how I was and what had happened.

“Do you understand me, soldier? ” he commanded loudly, striking fear into me and bringing tears to my eyes. It was the first time he addressed me as a soldier rather than his child—that alone broke me apart.

“Yes, sir,” I replied quietly, trying to mask my tears but failing to do so. I quickly wiped them away from my cheeks and continued to avoid his eye contact. He stood in my doorway for a few moments longer before leaving, closing the door behind him.

It was that night where any emotional connection we may have had was severed beyond repair. I wished so deeply that he would feel guilty about the way he handled the situation that night and apologize, but I knew he never would. Even with me, he had a rigid command presence that demanded respect and authority over everyone else. Apologizing would be a sign of weakness from him, which was unacceptable.

After I had calmed myself down from what had transpired, I fell asleep from the exhaustion. The dream I fell into brought back my own memories and experiences with The Void.

The edges of the dream itself had a deep intensity, like a high vibration that absorbed all the energy I had. In and out of the intense vibration, I saw myself standing at the entrance of a sizeless cave, almost exactly as I had drawn it. There was a certain cold serenity to the cave that pushed the energy from the outskirts of my mind, allowing me to catch my breath. The cold flowed through me, through every bone and vein I had. It wasn’t overpowering or frigid, but rather calming. Like I had stepped into a cool pool in the dark of night.

As I aimlessly wandered forward through the dark, I started to feel a burning sensation appear in my chest. It was a stark warmth from the cold around me, but it was comforting. The burning became like a spool of thread, unraveling and pulling me to something deeper in the cave. Different visions of snow and sand and heavy rain appeared as I followed the sensation. I stopped as I came upon a figure of black mist that was similar to my size, but a touch larger. The sensation I felt visually became a bright ember laced with red as I looked down at my chest, noticing the figure in front of me had the same burning energy in its chest.

My first instinct was to reach out to the figure, to see if it was a reflection of myself or if it was something else entirely. When I lifted my hand and reached out, it felt like all the air and temperature in the cave disappeared immediately and was pulled to the intense vibration from before, making me jump awake.

It took a few moments for me to calm my breathing and wipe the sweat from my face. The image of the black figure with an ember chest burned into my mind—the same figure with the red core from my drawing. The burning sensation warmed my whole body, for once allowing me to feel comforted. I rubbed my chest instinctively, only feeling the perspiration on my skin, but desperately wished for the connection to return.

—

I often visited that cave on lonely nights or when I would have to face Duran. I never once attempted to read his mind again, and after that night, I never had the problem of doing it accidentally to passersby. The memories I did see of Duran’s haunted me, the unanswered questions sticking with me for years. I was never taught about the Force, never had the opportunity to discover more about it on my own or read about it from elsewhere. Whatever he said about the Dark side intrigued me, even without context—but most of all, I desperately wanted to know what Duran had been told about me.

I kept all dreams of the Cave, the more distinct name I gave The Void, to myself, never recording them anywhere in case my privacy was violated. Each dream I would have with the cave, I gained more confidence in who I was. This place made me feel that I shouldn’t be ashamed of the Force, and showed me the comfort and support to get through the traumas of childhood. The same black figure with the red core always showed up as well, never becoming more distinct and never making physical contact, but grew to be a friend nonetheless.

At times, I did believe I heard voices. Distantly from the depths of the Cave that felt too all-consuming for me to dive into at my age, I could hear echoes of separate voices. In different hazy visions within the Cave, I would hear pieces of dialogue;

    You are powerful, a perfect soldier…     My worthy apprentice... Your blood will call you one day— A revanchist of balance—

The voices were distinct in their own way; one was distant and strained, as if I were listening to an echo rather than being the one the words were directed to. The other was clear but quiet. What they said didn’t make sense to me, but I never feared the second voice. 

Fear was only reserved for my father.

But this voice… it evoked a shade of light and understanding I had never known.

· · ─────── ·༓· ─────── · ·

#star wars #star wars fanfiction #star wars sequels #kylo ren #kylo ren x reader #kylo ren fanfiction #kylo #ben solo #fanfiction #ao3 fanfic #vengeance: a star wars story

[intxrritus]

Vengeance: A Star Wars Story

"I’m an acolyte of the violence My own bloodthirsty enemy With my taste for self-imposed ruin Comes this painful, Pyrrhic victory"

—

Revanchist. Catastrophist. Vengeance. The names I claim are evocative of my truest nature. The Dark has called to me since I was a child, my only solace being from within the Void. My adversaries cower under my power, always on the losing end of dark will.

I was solely raised by the Lieutenant General with the New Republic’s Defense Fleet. Through his influence, my Force sensitivity was repressed until I became the soldier I was destined to be. But the Dark was always present. The voices from the Void cloud my mind with promises of salvation and a power unknown to this world for centuries.

The Dark is unrelenting in its desperation for a martyr, and I fear I'm helpless to its call.

This story is my life and passion: it's a tumultuous romance story between a female Dark side Force-sensitive user and Ben Solo/Kylo Ren that's the backdrop to a tale of loss and war, of fate and defying odds. The story touches on themes of graphic violence, has sexual content mentioned, and grief. Notable characters like Darth Revan and Darth Momin make their appearance as the characters loosely follow canon story and timelines.

The first seven chapters have already been posted on my AO3, but I will be cross-posting here! I'd love to hear feedback, if any - otherwise, keep an eye out for the prologue to be posted on here!

#star wars #star wars fanfiction #star wars sequels #kylo ren #kylo ren x reader #kylo ren fanfiction #kylo #ben solo #fanfiction #ao3 fanfic #vengeance: a star wars story

[intxrritus]

Let’s drive Sammy <3

[intxrritus]

@modernmythsnet | event ten | user vs (round two) | moral ↳ @thewinedarksea vs @mrnoahczerny - cyberpunk/dark + loki

“there’s a revolution coming.”

[intxrritus]

"Horizons" singles edits

"The Breach" and "Infected" were updated to include the correct symbol.

[intxrritus]

and history obliterates.

[intxrritus]

is this how you’ll remember me?

[intxrritus]

if you see our son, bring him home

[intxrritus]

RISE UP!

[intxrritus]

age: 34 blood status: pureblood  affiliation: death eater

Born in the heart of Russia and raised in the underbelly of Moscow, everything Antonin Dolohov has is a result of his own ingenuity. He excelled at Koldovstoretz, learning English on his own and practicing his accent until it was nearly better than those of natives. Upon graduation, he began working on improving his fortunes, becoming involved in industries that were not, technically, legal. He joined the Death Eaters after moving to Britain not because he believes in their rhetoric, but because he believes in the power that the Dark Lord can provide. He has no intention of remaining in Britain forever but while he’s there, Antonin fully plans on rising to the top of society.

Connections

Camille Malfoy

He had a dalliance with the young woman in France two years prior, one that he promptly forgot about upon arriving to Britain. Now that she’s in England, however, and he has learned the value of the Malfoy name, Antonin has begun to pursue her in hopes of improving his place in society.

Severus Snape

Antonin personally recruited the man to the Death Eaters and oversaw his training in the Dark Arts as well as in the Dark Lord’s desires. In public he supports Severus though he privately wonders if the young Prince heir will be a disappointment.

Rowan Fawley

He has seen how Rowan Fawley flirts, how she bends men to her will with little more than a smile and the promise of something more. Antonin has watched many of his comrades fall to her machinations and he has no intention of following in their footsteps. 

Antonin’s face claim is Oscar Isaac and he is closed.

[intxrritus]

"We were never at home much with our parents, but when it happened, your mother personally took care of giving them the creeps" Alphard spoke in the middle of the snack, going through the photo album that his nephews had found very slowly.

"In that he looks like Sirius, not me..." Regulus muttered.

"I'm pretty sure you do things that would make their hair stand on end too, Regulus, it's just that you try hard not to see it" replied his uncle.

"What was the wildest thing he did?" Sirius asked curiously, pushing the mug aside.

"There was a time when our family was invited to a super exclusive and important dinner in France, and as always happened, our father had a brush with Wally" the oldest of the Black repressed a laugh at the memory "I was asking him to be wore less 'her' and be more 'a lady from head to toe' at that dinner since there would be very important people, and the surname Black was at stake... of course, that annoyed your mother, but she left our house looking like the lady our parents wanted"

"I'll try to guess... that didn't happen at dinner" Regulus commented, finishing his hot chocolate.

"Not so, your mother behaved like a decent lady in our father's eyes, only... she was not dressed as such, and that made our parents' hair stand on end" Alphard smiled as he stood It stopped at one of the album pages. "Look."

Wally, twenty one years, in France.

-Photograph taken by Alphard

"What..." Sirius wanted to comment, but he stopped.

"How do I manage to put that on and have her father let her go to dinner anyway?" Regulus questioned, admiring the photo of his mother.

"She apologized when we got to the place, according to her the trip had made her want to go to the bathroom ... it turns out that she went to the bathroom to change her clothes, she knew that once we were in the room our parents would not tell her anything They would not make a fuss and they would look bad in front of many powerful families" explained Alphard. "I remember everyone looking at her... young men her age, teenagers Cygnus age, men older than our father even... and our father just gritted his teeth and sliced ​​through the meat so hard that he could have broken the plate"

"What happened to him when he got home?" Sirius asked.

Alphard changed his expression to one of utter seriousness, recalling the situation as if he had lived through it yesterday "Our father put the Cruciatus curse on him for hours" he said after a few minutes.

[intxrritus]

Walburga and ???

-Photograph by Cygnus.

"What is this?" Sirius asked.

"A photograph" Alphard replied mockingly.

"Who is it? It's not Orion, Orion isn't that tall" Asked Regulus this time, looking at the photograph that had previously been in the hands of his brother with curiosity.

"Oh" Alphard said when he got a good look at the photograph and those who were there.

"Oh? What a beautiful explanation" Sirius teased as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"It's just that... I don't know how to explain this to you... because... I don't know the whole story" explained the older of the Blacks between pauses.

"Well what do you know about this?" Regulus asked, putting the photograph on the table and looking at his uncle with some annoyance.

"Walburga worked for a time in the Ministry, for about nine years, after graduating from Hogwarts... our father was not happy with that, Walburga's work schedule seemed strange to him, it started very early and ended close to night..." Alphard began to explain. "...one day he asked Cygnus to go observe what he was doing and he came back with this photograph in his hands"

"What happens next?" Sirius asked, interested in the story.

"I don't know, our father took Wally to his office for hours, she was already sleeping when I heard the door open and her footsteps walking into her room. When I went to investigate, Wally was trying to cast medical spells on herself. very injured... she had cuts and bruises all over her body, even on her face" Alphard was silent for a few minutes before continuing, staring at nothing "I didn't want to ask her anything, just help her heal and go to bed."

"Do you think he...?" Sirius asked quietly, his gaze on the table, no trace of the Gryffindor bravery that characterized him so much.

"Abuse her? I don't know, I don't think so. My mother would have killed him later... she was not a good woman, much less a good mother, but she would never have allowed Pollux to do any of that to her own daughter" Alphard muttered.

"And Mom never said anything to you?" It was Regulus who broke the heavy silence into which the room had fallen.

"About the man in the photo yes, a few days after everything that happened..." Alphard was silent for two minutes before continuing "She was dating the man in the photo, she did it for a year, and Pollux he didn't like that because... because he was a Squib" With that, Alphard ended the story.

Sirius and Regulus looked at each other in amazement, then looked back at her uncle.

"What?" Alphard asked now.

"A squib!?" Yelled the brothers.

"I reacted the same way, she hit me on the arm for that" The man couldn't help but laugh as he looked at the faces of his nephews.

"What happened after?" They asked in chorus.

"I don't know" Alphard shrugged "That will have to ask her mother at some point"

I like to talk about Walburga :)

[intxrritus]

Walburga Black, working.

-Photograph taken by Ignatius Prewett