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lyzanderk-blog · 3 years

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A Specific Feeling

What is this feeling?

I have felt this sensation on specific occasions and putting it into words has been nearly impossible.

It feels almost as if when I get close to the correct word or phrase, the whole idea eludes me, quickly, and I am left with a faint memory of what could have been literary gold. I am sure we have all felt this feeling. I experience this almost euphoric sensation when traveling, whereas some feel theirs when they are playing sports, or when they are eating at their favorite restaurant, or even simply driving and listening to their favorite song. It starts slow, and for me, it starts in my feet and quickly moves up into my arms, that is where I really notice it, and before you know it I am on cloud 9. I feel as if time has actually stood still, and that moment that I am stuck in lasts forever. Toward the end, the sensation rushes to my head, almost subduing me into a daze, then, it disappears as suddenly as it came. I am sure there is a medical term out there to describe this sensation, something to do with chemicals and anatomy, something I am not well versed in. I know for a fact that if I were to look up this "feeling", I would find the correct term to dub it, but I honestly do not want to. If souls in fact do exist, I know I have the word somewhere hidden inside me. As I am writing, I feel like the term is in my stomach and is slowly rising up into my chest. Of course, this always seems to happen and then the word or term dissipates into existence just when I think I am making a breakthrough.

As I stated, it is a specific sensation that engulfs me when I am traveling. Honestly, to even get remotely close I think painting a picture would be the best approach. Part of the feeling, as there are many parts, is when I am laying on the floor in my living room. The sun peaks in through the window at around 11 a.m.or noon and the sudden feeling of warmth and calmness that comes from the sun hitting my body is part of the feeling. Of course, the sun shows its face throughout my apartment earlier in the day, but the morning rays feel different than the afternoon rays. At least that is what it feels like to me, I may just be imagining it in all honesty. This warm and calm sensation brings back childhood memories of when I would take my post-lunch nap thanks to the delicious food my mom had prepared for me. The comfort this feeling brings is otherworldly and nostalgic in my opinion. For a moment, I know some people can relate to this, at least I hope because this feeling actually feels as if nothing else matters. The calmness that comes from this situation feels endless.

Another part of this specific feeling comes from when you are daydreaming. Specifically, when you notice you are daydreaming but don't want to zone back in, That feeling of 'out of body" almost comes close, I think. I have had these zone-outs all of my life and it almost feels as if I am hyper-aware of my surroundings, yet strangely I become a passenger looking at myself from a different perspective. Maybe it is some low-grade animalistic awareness that has been passed on through evolution, or I'm slightly mad and am describing it completely wrong, but I digress. To recap, because I am losing my thought process on how to describe this feeling, as I often do, the sensation I feel when traveling is a mix of warmth, nostalgia, calmness, and a sort of dreamlike "out of body" hyper-awareness feeling. Reading that back it almost sounds as if I have taken ecstasy and words in this corporeal plane do not come close to accurately describing the feeling I get. However, even if that is the case, I will never forget the first time I felt it. I will not lie to you, it almost feels as if I am continuously chasing a high, searching for this feeling time and time again. Constantly left with sadness as the feeling fades away, but also left with hope, as I know the feeling will come back soon. Now, let us talk about the first time this feeling encompassed me.

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