mcnstruos-blog

[mcnstruos-blog]

so, um. not to be fake deep™ or anything, but i decided to gift myself a little peace of mind this year by putting this blog on hiatus for now. i don’t know. i might revamp. still deciding. sometimes things just don’t feel the same, or they don’t feel right, and you have to take a step back. this is me taking a step back. if you were ever nice to me for even a moment, i’d like you to know i appreciate it dearly. if you ever reached out to me, i appreciate that, too. i have a few characters on this account that i love to bits and pieces, so i moved them to another blog. if you’d like to continue our ship or plotting, feel free to tell me and we can talk it out and finally start them elsewhere. i’m too shy to do so myself, so seriously tell me if you still want to continue anything omfg. if you’d like my skype, feel free to ask for it and i’ll give it to you. um. not much to say, really. i don’t know if this will be a short term thing, or something that goes on for more than a week. i’m just really burnt out, and i hate harboring negative feelings like that. so, yeah.

until next time, i guess! xo

#:)

[mcnstruos-blog]

#ike i hope u see this bc this is how i feel whenever u reply to me #or whenever we talk headcanons #basically every time we communicate

[mcnstruos-blog]

please don't worry, my mother will be signing me into impatient so i can try to get through my issues. it actually really helped to know you were there for me! you know who i am, but i don't want to worry you any further. thank you for everything and hopefully soon things will be better for me.

i wanna hug you so fucking bad you don’t even know omg like i literally feel like i’m gonna pass the fuck out bc of how relieved i am i’m so happy you’re getting help that’s so brave and great and i want you to be happy so so so so so so so badly i’m so happy for you omfg i love you i’m always gonna be right here and i’ll keep you in my prayers okay i love you so much!!!!!

#Anonymous

[mcnstruos-blog]

my anxiety is like through the fucking roof now and my birthday is on wednesday lol niice 

[mcnstruos-blog]

i'm sorry. the world is against me, i'm fighting to just make it through each day. i love you but this is a goodbye.

Keep reading

#anon please come back

[mcnstruos-blog]

mentalillnessmouse:

Depression:

Suicide Hotline: 1-800-SUICIDE (2433) – Can use in US, U.K., Canada and Singapore

Suicide Crisis Line: 1-800-999-9999

National Suicide Prevention Helpline: 1-800-273-TALK (8245)

National Adolescent Suicide Helpline: 1-800-621-4000

Postpartum Depression: 1-800-PPD-MOMS

NDMDA Depression Hotline – Support Group: 1-800-826-3632

Veterans: 1-877-VET2VET

Crisis Help Line – For Any Kind of Crisis: 1-800-233-4357

Suicide & Depression Crisis Line – Covenant House: 1-800-999-9999

Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide: (UK only) 0844-561-6855

Beyondblue info line: (Australia only) 1300-22-4636

24/7 Crisis Line:(Canada only) 905-522-1477

Lifeline Australia: 13-11-14

Teléfono de la Esperanza (Spain only) 902 500 002 / 91 459 00 50

Domestic Abuse:

National Child Abuse Helpline: 1-800-422-4453

National Domestic Violence Crisis Line: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

National Domestic Violence Hotline (TDD): 1-800-787-32324

Center for the Prevention of School Violence: 1-800-299-6504

Child Abuse Helpline: 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453)

Domestic Violence Helpline: 1-800-548-2722

Healing Woman Foundation (Abuse): 1-800-477-4111

Child Abuse Hotline Support & Information: 1-800-792-5200

Women’s Aid National Domestic Violence Helpline: (UK Only) 0345 023 468

Sexual Abuse Centre: (UK Only) 0117 935 1707

Sexual Assault Support (24/7, English & Spanish): 1-800-223-5001

Domestic & Teen Dating Violence (English & Spanish: 1-800-992-2600

Relationships Australia: 1300-364-277

Alcohol & Drug Abuse:

National Association for Children of Alcoholics: 1-888-55-4COAS (1-888-554-2627)

National Drug Abuse: 1-800-662-HELP (4357)

Al-Anon/Alateen Hope & Help for young people who are the relatives & friends of a problem drinker): 1-800-344-2666

Alcohol/Drug Abuse Hotline: [phone]-HELP (4357)

Be Sober Hotline: 1-800-BE-SOBER (1-800-237-6237)

Cocaine Help Line: 1-800-COCAINE (1-800-262-2463)

24 Hour Cocaine Support Line: 1-800-992-9239

Ecstasy Addiction: 1-800-468-6933

Marijuana Anonymous: 1-800-766-6779

Youth & Teen Hotlines:

National Youth Crisis Support: 1-800-448-4663

Youth America Hotline: 1-877-YOUTHLINE (1-877-968-8454)

Covenant House Nine-Line (Teens): 1-800-999-9999

Boys Town National: 1-800-448-3000

Teen Helpline: 1-800-400-0900

TeenLine: 1-800-522-8336

Youth Crisis Support: 1-800-448-4663 or 1-800-422-0009

Runaway Support (All Calls are Confidential): 800-231-694

National Runaway Hotline: (US only) 1800-231-6946

Child Helpline: (UK Only) 0800-111

Kids Helpline: (Australia) 1800-55-1800

Youth to Youth: (UK only) 020-8896-3675

Kids Help Phone Canada: 1800-688-6868

National Youth Crisis Hotline:(US only) 800-442-442-4673 

Pregnancy Hotlines:

AAA Crisis Pregnancy Center: 1-800-560-0717

Pregnancy Support: 1-800-4-OPTIONS (1-800-467-8466)

Pregnancy National Helpline: 1-800-356-5761

Young Pregnant Support: 1-800 550-4900

Gay and Lesbian Hotlines:

The Trevor Helpline (For homosexuality questions or problems): 1-800-850-8078

Gay & Lesbian National Support: 1-888-THE-GLNH (1-888-843-4564)

Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgender (GLBT) Youth Support Line: 1-800-850-8078

Lesbian & Gay Switchboard: (UK Only) 0121 622 6589

Lothian Gay & Lesbian Switchboard – Scotland: (Scotland Only) 0131 556 4049

Other Hotlines:

Self-Injury Support: 1-800-DONT CUT (1-800-366-8288) (www.selfinjury.com)

Eating Disorders Awareness and Prevention: 1-800-931-2237 (Hours: 8am-noon daily, PST)

Eating Disorders Center: 1-888-236-1188

Help Finding a Therapist: 1-800-THERAPIST (1-800-843-7274)

Panic Disorder Information and Support: 1-800-64-PANIC (1-800-647-2642)

TalkZone (Peer Counselors): 1-800-475-TALK (1-800-475-2855)

Parental Stress Hotline: [phone]

Parent Help Line (Australia only): 1300-364-100

National AIDS Helpline: (UK Only) 0800 567 123

Mensline Australia: 1300-789-978

Want a country by country list? Here are some more resources: helplines

The following sites also provides a country by country list of helplines available: 

befrienders

international suicide hotlines

ibiblio

Accepting help is BRAVE! Mental illness is real!

Accepting help is brave - Hotlines/crisis lines

[mcnstruos-blog]

i'm sorry. the world is against me, i'm fighting to just make it through each day. i love you but this is a goodbye.

i’m not a psychologist and i’m not anyone that has a background in this kind of stuff so i’m not going to talk to you like one and i’m not going to pretend that i do 

but please believe me when i say that i know how you feel? i’m not neurotypical okay my brain doesn’t work the way it should and i’m aware of it and i feel like you do right now probably every single fucking day if we’re going to be honest i get in the car and i wish someone would hit me but only on my side when i go to bed i pray to god that if anything bad has to happen to anyone i hope it happens to me i try to think of the future and a majority of the time i don’t see anything and i’m watching my friends lose interest in me because i can’t fight the fucking demon in my head and i’m not fucking kidding even remotely when i tell you that i know how you feel

i know how it feels when you’re convinced the world is against you but i swear to you, whoever you are, that people care about you. i’m being so serious. people care. i fucking care i’m literally sitting here and my heart is racing and i’m panicking and shaking because i fucking care about you i don’t know who you are but i love you and i want you here with me i want you to experience life with me i want you to grow older with me i want you to witness how beautiful the sky looks at both dawn and dusk i want you to be here for when you pass a test you studied really hard for i want you to be here for the moment you discover your passion and realize this is what you want to do with your life i want you to be here for when someone you admire tells you they’re so proud of you i want you to just fucking be here so you can listen to me tell you that i love you and there are people in your daily life that love you too

life fucking sucks sometimes but it could be so much worse. it really could. and i’m not saying that to guilt trip you, i’m just trying to put it into perspective. sometimes you need to just breathe. you need to breathe and talk to someone that is willing to listen. you can talk to me. my pdd-nos prevents me from doing so effectively but i’ll listen to you. you can text me skype me message me kik me whatever you’re most comfortable with. i don’t want you to do anything unsafe. i know everyone says “oh i love you oh i care about you” etc etc but i mean it and i’ve never meant anything more than what i’m saying to you right now

please don’t do anything unsafe. please. i’m begging you. there are people that will listen. there are people that will help you. there are people who are willing to help you carry your burdens. 

if i’m taking this way out of proportion and you don’t mean what i initially thought you meant, please promise me you won’t let these thoughts escalate one day in the future. you deserve happiness and you deserve for good things to happen to you.

i love you. i’m here for you. i’m always going to be here. i’m always going to be willing to listen. i’m always going to be on your side. i love you so much and i need you to know that. there are people who are just like me, that love you just like i do. please don’t do anything to put yourself in danger. please.

edit: there’s also this post with a whole bunch of hotlines for a wide range of issues. please look into it? 

#Anonymous

[mcnstruos-blog]

@ the anon that messaged me twenty minutes ago

don’t fucking do anything please i’m literally begging you please don’t do this i’m about to write my response now but i need you to please just give me time

[mcnstruos-blog]

disappointment starters

“I thought you of all people would be different.” “This was supposed to be a fun day. You always ruin everything.” “Our flight’s been cancelled… there goes our holiday.” “I’m not angry. I’m disappointed.” “I know you didn’t do it on purpose, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be disappointed.” “I can’t believe this. You always turn everything into such a disaster!” “I’m not disappointed in you, I’m disappointed in the situation…” “I can’t believe this is happening. Can nothing ever go right?!” “I’m so sorry to let you down. I know you were looking forward to this.” “You always let me down. You’re so unreliable.” “I’d expected a lot more from you.” “Stop being so selfish! You’re ruining everything for everyone.” “You’re such a disappointment to the family.” “I’m sorry to be such a disappointment. I know you expected more of me.” “That movie was so disappointing.” “Why is everything in life actually so disappointing? You get yourself excited every time, only to be let down, time and time again.” “You’re not disappointing! Just… surprising.” “I thought you cared about me. Someone who cares about someone else doesn’t let them down like you just did.” “You could’ve tried harder!” ”I’m not going to lie… I am disappointed.” “No no! You’re great, but the sex was just really disappointing.” “Honestly, you’re the biggest disappointment of my life.” “You weren’t there for me when I needed you. Why do you expect me to be here for you now you need me?” “I had higher expectations of this.” “I had higher expectations of you.”

#meme #please

[mcnstruos-blog]

me: welp it was 🔥 while it lasted *deletes the convo*

[mcnstruos-blog]

i just love zayn’s voice so much

#I'm literally laying in bed with my eyes stinging begging you to please smother me #what the FUCK was this video #holy fucking shit #God is real and this is the proof 🙌🏻🙏🏻 #i.... Holy shit someone shove a toaster up my ass with strawberry flavored lube

[mcnstruos-blog]

Kids born between 1995 and 1998 are interesting because they fall somewhere between Gen X and Millenials cause they grew up on the tail end of left over 90s stuff but also were right there at the beginning of the 2000s and all that tech and innovation. They don’t really identify with, like, Nirvana being the voice of their generation, but they still hold onto the 90s nostalgia and remember a time before widespread Internet and dial up. 9/11 is like a distant memory but the ramifications are just an accepted part of life. They remember a time before iPhones and the economic collapse but much of the pop culture is too old for them. They’re an interesting transition group of kids that don’t really fit perfectly into either group. I just think that’s really interesting.

#we all know spongebob and can recite the scripts off the top of our heads and honestly? #that's all i care about

[mcnstruos-blog]

#omg..... remember when zain quit and i listened to this and best song ever on repeat #i'm still crying it's like an instant reaction LMAO #BUT ANYWAY ! GIVE ME A LONG DISTANCE PLOT PLEASE SO I CAN CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP AND WE CAN WRITE ALL THE GREAT AND NOT SO GREAT MOMENTS #MEETING AT THE AIRPORT #DOUBTING IF THEY'LL EVER MEET AT ALL #NOT KNOWING HOW TO REALLY ACT AROUND EACH OTHER BC ITS LIKE WE TALK BUT WE'VE NEVER TOUCHED #AND LOTS OF LOVING GAZING BC HOLY SHIT UR RIGHT HERE IN FRONT OF ME #THEN CRYING AT THE AIRPORT BC :((( THEY HAVE TO LEAVE AGAIN #AND NOT WANTING TO TALK ABOUT IT THE NIGHT BEFORE #WOW I AWNNA DIE

[mcnstruos-blog]

juicyziam:

Zayn and Liam leaving the club in Madrid [x]

#ID IDNT KNOW THEY WERE TOGETHER THAT NIGHT #I DIDN'T KNOW WWWWW HOLY SHIT S #HOY LYSHTIY R #I'M CUMMING #IM CUMMING SO HR ADR WH AT EHF UC K I DIDN' TKNOW !!!!!!! #GOD IS SO REAL #fa #sa #aa #leaving the club 👀 yet no one got any pics from inside the club .. ok .. i see y'all.. just want me to die huh? :/

[mcnstruos-blog]

just me x 5

#TRUE !! DAMN RIGHT !! #i dedicate Everything About You by one direction to yoU :))))))) #yOU'RE THE INSPIRATION FOR GIRL ALMIGHTY #THE LIAM TO MY ZAYN #OR THE ZAYN TO MY LIAM WHICHEVER U PREFER #UR ALSO MY ROSE AND DAISY #MY WIFE ! #rxstlessdreaming

[mcnstruos-blog]

ziam fanfiction, your wife (rxstlessdreaming??), just a mixture of one direction x 5sos cum sweat and tears, just piles of angst, zAYN MALIk

OH MY GOD HOW DO U KNOW ME SO WELL I’M SCREAMING HFJEFWEHRB #TRUE!!!! THE MIXTURE OF CUM SWEAT AND TEARS BYE LEAVE ME ALONE THIS IS SO TRUE I AHTE THIS 

#ZIAM FANFICTION YAS ALWAYS I HAVE SO MUCH SAVED ON MY IBOOKS ON MY PHONE #PILES OF ANGST YEAH I LOVE DYING AND BEING DEAD AND CRYING AND SOBBING #AND /ZAYN/ GOD MY NIPPLES ARE HARD BC OF THIS MESSAGE I LVOE U SO MUCH #Anonymous

[mcnstruos-blog]

MAX.

In short, Max wasn’t too thrilled about the whole night to begin with. Dates just weren’t his thing. Ever. Yet he had somehow managed to get talked into the idea of a blind date from a fellow friend — another reason why he needed to go easy on the bottle considering he had agreed to it only with spirits in his system. His friend, some chick he knew and got to know from running into each other at various parties, had set the whole thing up and she was probably rolling in her seat knowing that Max Barbour was actually on a date with someone. However, the cherry on top was that the blond didn’t look his best; he was sporting the remains of a black eye from an afternoon where Eryk quite literally couldn’t keep his hands off of the boy. Try as he might, concealer hadn’t worked well in his favor and constantly covering up the smudge for outings and meetings with his clients had proven to be too taxing for his tastes.

With a sigh bubbling forth from noticing the hostess obviously glaring at the light bruise, the young escort checked into the restaurant’s waiting list and was promptly notified that his party was already seated. Max began following the girl until his curiosity got the better of him, eyes quickly scanning through the tables just to see the sort of clientele that dined there. Yet a new slew of emotions danced through him when he saw an old “friend” looking his way from a lone table. The blond boasted one of his biggest, cockiest smirks and ignored the hostess’ trail, making his way over to the table for a chat that couldn’t be hidden behind the lens of a snapchat conversation. “What’s up, babe?” Hands propped himself up from the lone chair across from Fhaari, never once faltering in his grin. In all honesty it was good to see the dude again after so many months apart but he wasn’t sure on just how many eggshells he could have possibly been walking on due to their former, brief spat. “Might not be any of my business,” he teased, “but what the hell are you doing here?”

Fhaari hates dates. He hates them, hates them, hates them. Part of him would like to think it’s because he’s too mature and monogamous, and not entirely because the nerves end up eating him alive before anything’s even happened. Everything requires too much thought; it’s your first impression after all, is it not? So, of course he’s going to be early, sitting, and probably slowly rotting, in a pressed, designer suit. Of course he’s going to put himself through the torture of checking the clock every two seconds and swirling some weak wine around in a glass, because that’s the other thing, right? That he has to be buzzed, at the very least, to even go through with this. 

Fhaari hates dates... but he hates facing the past even more. History should just— well, it should stay history. It doesn’t need to be walking right up to his table, wearing a grin that does terrible things to the ole’ ticker trapped inside his ribs, and also dressed to the nines. He doesn’t need this. He really, really doesn’t. He’s already nervous, having Max, of all people, really, here isn’t helping one damn bit. Fhaari’s eyes glance at the people behind the blond, mind racing to come up with a response. Is he still mad? Not really, no. Embarrassed? Tremendously so. Fhaari’s temper isn’t always flaming, and it certainly doesn’t always come up in physical confrontation, too. But, more importantly, is he wondering where the hell that black eye came from, too? Well, yeah.

“It’s not your business,” is the first thing he says, voice bashfully low. Hazel irises hesitantly land back on Max’s, and, honestly, Fhaari just kind of really wants to drop dead. Or have the guy in front of him leave him alone. Either is good. “But, I have a date actually, and you’re kind of in his seat right now, so...” His lips twist into a slight frown, and again his eyes flit to the watch on his wrist before meeting Max’s gaze. Or, technically, his black eye because the nerves buzzing beneath his skin have seemed to burn whatever inhibitions he had to a crisp. 

#fhaari makes me want to facepalm to badly #but here u go pal #streetrxts #ft #fhaari & max #I WAS SO TEMPTED TO ERASE ALL OF THIS AND JUST PUT DEEZ NUTZ I'MS CRYING