myillusions

[myillusions]

Noisy Sunday (Joel Miller x f!reader)

Summary: You've entered a mindset you're unsure how to come back from, your own emotions drowning you in a pool of despondency. Joel is there, trying to help you pull away from it.

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

Word Count: 2k

Warnings: HEAVYYY angst, fluff, cursing, large descriptions of depression, anxiety, dark thoughts, undefined age gap (reader is of age), kind of dark themes its very somber

A/N: hi hi!! oh my, im so sorry i havent posted in so long. life has been so busy lately with exams and work, but here's this whilst i struggle with that and writers block! sorry (not rlly) that its so angsty, THANK YOU SO MUCH to anyone who reads, i hope u enjoy lovelies! also please please PLEASE i cannot stress this enough; if any of the warnings i've stated make you uncomfortable, please DO NOT read this!! and for anyone who may need to talk, my messages are always open <33

It’s peculiar, you think. How it eats away at you, gnawing down against supple flesh when you’ve already been forcefully spiralled onto the floor. Most say it’s like greeting an old friend; and you agree. It’s almost like reuniting with a family member whom you rarely see at a gathering. The one which then continue to pester you with inquiries you don’t have the vigour to answer. 

It comes in a moment. Sometimes for no reason at all. It reminds you of the subject which stops your musical theatre production mid-way, shining a glaring light towards you whilst you stare wide-eyed back; a deer caught in the headlights. Your character starts to break down around you whilst you’re stood onstage, its pieces cascading along your incapacitated physique like thrashing water which you’ve just dived into from a twenty-foot jump, limbs flailing by your head until the inevitable crash through the translucent liquid stings at your skin.

It attaches itself like a shadow to you, not always so visible yet constantly looming from around your shoulder. It never really made sense to you, how the more the light shines against this tenebrosity, the darker the shadow it casts. Shading you. Smothering you. A copiously adamant fire which refuses to be extinguished, its embers dancing up past the hillocks perched in the distance and threatening to singe anyone who comes near.

It made you yearn for a reposeful night, where the stars shimmered like pools of water in reflection to the sea rather than your own tears surging down your cheeks. Where a modest zephyr tapped gently at your swaying hair, twirling locks around its invisible finger gingerly. Where the whole world paused on its axis, bringing forth those few moments of pure solace. Nothing to bother you, and nothing for you to bother.

“How long has it been since you’ve slept?” A husky voice drawls out from beside you after the door to the front patio squeals open on its hinges, revealing Joel; adorned in his sleepwear of blue plaid print trousers and a black long-sleeved sweater. Considering his normal attire of worn-down jeans and a permanent scowl, he looked almost ridiculous, but in an admiring sort of way. His inquiry forcefully dragged you from the dazed state you had found yourself caught in, your eyes hauling themselves to face him laboriously slow, like it was strenuous to do so. You blinked a multitude of times to attempt to clear your head of its cloudiness.

You gave a harsh swallow before you even attempted to reply, “Not long. I just needed some water and air.” You lied right through your teeth, wincing towards the factor that a glass of water was sitting idly beside you on a tall and round wooden coffee table, still full to the brim with the reflecting liquid. Joel didn’t look convinced. To be honest, you had maybe caught a total of eight hours of sleep in the past three or four days, if lucky. Your body drums with craving for rest at the deprivation, but you couldn’t bring yourself to relax for long enough to lull into even a light rest, thoughts striking their way through forcefully in the canvas of your head, ripping downwards to leave their mark fiercely, consistently reminding you that pain is not an easy thing to ignore.

If you could say the apocalypse surfacing has brought you anything, it’s that it’s made you tired. So tired. But there are two types of tired, you suppose; one is a dire need of sleep, the other is a woeful need for peace.

Joel exhales past his nose harshly, his head dipping downwards for a moment, maybe in disappointment- you’re not sure. Either way, your stomach lurches with guilt, and you turn your head to face forward once again and pay rigorous attention to each detail lining the Jackson street in front of your given accommodation. The street was entirely empty, the only sound to be heard within earshot being the light whisk of the breeze against your supple skin, reddening the tip of your nose and turning your fingertips numb. You should’ve guessed Joel wouldn’t believe your white lie. Knowing him, he likely noticed you retracting the sheets from your legs and his arms strewn around your waist at just the start of the night, before tiptoeing down the stairs as quietly as possible to weave through the kitchen then to the front patio, where you have been set for a couple of hours now.

You’re both silent for multiple pregnant pauses, and you have to fight the urge to nibble nervously against your bottom lip, apprehension swirling within your chest.

“Do you want to come back to bed?” Joel tries cautiously, to which you visibly tense. You tilt your chin downwards dubiously, before giving an almost indistinguishable shake of your head from side-to-side.

Joel doesn’t give a response to your discreet answer, but instead pushes himself forwards from where he’s leaned against the doorframe to move past you and settle against the uncomfortable wooden chair opposite your own. The chair creaks as he perches himself there, the only intruding sound to the tranquillity before it swallows you both whole once again, thudding against the thin air which is gradually turning palpable. It’s suffocating.

“…Would you-“ He starts, his gaze turning upwards from the patios surface to face you, “Want to talk about it?”

Your heart throbs agonisingly at his offer, your fingertips tracing the wrecked linen material of your pants. You try a small, consoling smile, one that barely reaches your eyes; your head lifting to face him.

“There’s nothing to talk about.” You murmur back, sombrely. You weren’t fibbing about this, though. There was no explanation as to why you were feeling this surge of perplexing emotions. It appeared as if it were just a protruding root sticking awkwardly out from the soiled terrain, its only task to trip and surprise anyone who were unfortunate to tread along. Even if you wanted to talk with Joel about it, you weren’t sure how to put it into words. It’s fine, until it’s not; a surprise.

“I can’t help you if you won’t let me.” Joel speaks, his voice softer than usual, as though he was afraid for what your reaction would be.

You bottom lip purses as you bite down against your tongue roughly, almost drawing blood to quarrel against the melancholy rising in your throat. You’re not sure how to reply- you don’t wish to reply. You would rather descend into the quietude than face this situation. It’s not that you liked the silence, no- you actually despised it. Silence gave any thoughts swirling around the midst of your head permission to inflate and rise to the surface, bobbing up and down there, whilst its limbs helplessly thrash around, wishing to get back to shore.

It's only after you notice that Joel is still peering over at you expectantly do you swallow gratingly, opening your mouth to answer.

“Well, I- It’s not anything, I’m fine-“

“Why can’t you just stop for once in your life?”

“What?” You ask, your voice cracking at its edges. Your brows shoot upwards at his words, taken aback.

“You lie to me, act like you’re okay- when you’re so clearly not and you won’t even let yourself realise that you need help.” He speaks sternly, eyes firmly trained on you- whilst you can’t even meet his gaze, eyesight shifting to anywhere but where he’s sat opposite you.

You weigh over your words, a trepidatious lump forming inside your throat. Your vision blurs at its corners, your brain fogging over with despondency.

“Please don’t make me say it.” You eventually speak again, your voice strained painfully, as your head drops down in a swaying motion, defeated.

Joel doesn’t reply, but instead reaches forward, gently placing his hand atop your own where its set against your thigh. He gives a gentle squeeze, urging you to blink back up towards him, where he’s peering at you with a softened gaze; and you can’t fight off the tears that instantaneously build up against your vision, attempting to rip past your shields and barriers which are gradually toppling down around you.

“I am barely holding on.” You admit, your shoulders slumping forward with the heaved effort of speaking without letting a cry rip through in interruption, causing a few teardrops to plunge down the canvas of your cheeks. A harrowing headache thrums against your forehead, your field of view only worsening, but not enough that you can’t see the way that Joel’s expression is overcome with visible empathy, which only results in making your stomach lurch more.

“And I-“ You exhale sharply, “And I can’t even tell you why. I just- there’s this thing, and it’s weighing over my shoulders. I can’t shake it.”

“You don’t have to find the perfect words. Just tell me what you’re feeling. I’m here.” He encourages softly.

“It’s like- like I’m here, but I’m not. I’m away from my body, watching over myself; whilst continuously being dragged backwards by this unknown force- pushing me somewhere I think I know. It’s like déjà vu, when you walk into a room, and you don’t where you know or remember it from, but you can feel that you recognise it. I-I’m angry, I’m sad and I’m confused. Maybe I just have a built-up resentment against the world.” You speak rather sullenly, but try to mask it with a small, tight-lipped smile towards Joel once your brief monologue comes to an end.

“I can’t say I know exactly what you’re feeling. But… I don’t want you to push me away. I want to try and help you, in any way that I can. But I can’t if you won’t allow me to. And… I don’t want it to seem like I’m tryin’ to coddle you, or anythin’. It’s because- y’know, I care about you.” Joel speaks steadily, his gaze shimmering with uncertainty.

Your heart lurches downwards in repentance with his words, as though you were liable for your own shifting thoughts and feelings. It bruises you; how much you’ve allowed your emotions to take hold, guiding the wheel in a swerve as rubber burns against asphalt distastefully. How far you’ve come, just to end up here. You know you need help. You’re just unsure how to accept any. But you know that you wish to breathe again. To hold out a hand to loved ones. To be afraid of death again. To have excitement at the idea of different winding roads. To feel free as a light breeze washes against your skin, clearing any distress from you in a wave. You wish to dream again. This longing is what powers your words onwards, as you peer over at Joel, vulnerable,

“I need help.”

Joel’s hand raises from the back of your palm, and instead encompasses your icy fingers with his warmer ones, intertwining them. He searches your eyes for a moment, and once he discovers a bold outline of authenticity, he promptly nods towards you.

“Together?”

“Together.” You reply.

It evokes a memory of a familiar oak tree. One you were very accustomed to when you were younger, before the outbreak. As a child, you used to wonder down the street to the park perched at the end after every school day. Outlining the grounds, just opposite a wooden bench, was an oak tree. Tall and mighty; confidence resonating from its stance, daring anyone to meddle with it. Thick arms branching from its moss-coated wood, whilst the lime-coloured leaves bundled against each other cascaded the surrounding distance in shade. You would lay beneath it, basking in the frigid yet reassuring atmosphere it created, hair messily sprawled out around your head. You would frequently come to the spot to just rest within the constant spiralling of the world, watching as the tree’s features changed with the reoccurring seasons; its leaves shifting from green to gold, from gold to ginger, then from ginger to cherry, and then falling, oscillating down to the soil with the wind, before repeating its cycle. It was almost soothing, watching its colours shift around with the change of the earth, whilst resolutely remaining staunch in its attitude, its branches a prime symbol of vigour. Changing, but still remaining what it is; strong. You deeply envied that, and hoped- wished, that someday you would build yourself up to resemble that oak tree.

"We drink the poison our minds pour for us and wonder why we feel so sick." - Atticus

Noisy Sunday - Patrick Watson

Comments and feedback are appreciated!

#joel miller fanfiction #Joel Miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller x female reader #joel #hbo the last of us #the last of us #help idk what im doing #pedro pascal #tlou #tlou series #hbo #joel miller x f!reader

[myillusions]

Absolutely! Please feel free to message me at anytime about anything, I’d love to have a chat 🥰♥️

15 Questions & 15 Mutuals

tysm for the tag lovely fr teared up when i saw it @sinsofsummers

Were you named after anyone?

yes! I was named after a character off of big brother (a reality tv show help)

When was the last time you cried?

dunno likely a few days ago I cry a lot at movies

Do you have kids?

no I do not, and I likely don’t plan to

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Absolutely I do.

What’s the first thing you notice about people?

the way they present themselves, personality and their eyes

What’s your eye color?

blue!

Scary movies or happy endings?

literally anything I eat it all up

Any special talents?

uhhhh I can burp my abc’s

Where were you born?

Australia buh 🤙

What are your hobbies?

reading, writing, filmmaking, movie watching, running

Have any pets?

yes, four dogs!

What sports do you play/have you played?

oh lordy i don’t play any sports atm because it’s so much effort but I have done: ice skating, touch football, footy, soccer, dancing (for abt 12 years), running, tennis, indoor hockey, volleyball, oz-tag, surfing (I was such a sporty kid idk what happened)

How tall are you?

5’6

Favorite subject in school?

English or Drama

Dream job?

anything in the film industry

don’t feel obliged to post ur own or if u’ve done it already <33 @faithbetryin @still-wanna-be-corrupted @fordo-kixed-rex @zvdvdlvr @mishasminion360 @alwaysdjarin @jokersfangirl84 @cheneyq @fancyvoidtragedy @toxic-seduction @millersaurora @theincredibleinkspitter @alloftheimagines

[myillusions]

15 Questions & 15 Mutuals

tysm for the tag lovely fr teared up when i saw it @sinsofsummers

Were you named after anyone?

yes! I was named after a character off of big brother (a reality tv show help)

When was the last time you cried?

dunno likely a few days ago I cry a lot at movies

Do you have kids?

no I do not, and I likely don’t plan to

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Absolutely not.

What’s the first thing you notice about people?

the way they present themselves, personality and their eyes

What’s your eye color?

blue!

Scary movies or happy endings?

literally anything I eat it all up

Any special talents?

uhhhh I can burp my abc’s

Where were you born?

Australia buh 🤙

What are your hobbies?

reading, writing, filmmaking, movie watching, running

Have any pets?

yes, four dogs!

What sports do you play/have you played?

oh lordy i don’t play any sports atm because it’s so much effort but I have done: ice skating, touch football, footy, soccer, dancing (for abt 12 years), running, tennis, indoor hockey, volleyball, oz-tag, surfing (I was such a sporty kid idk what happened)

How tall are you?

5’6

Favorite subject in school?

English or Drama

Dream job?

anything in the film industry

don’t feel obliged to post ur own or if u’ve done it already <33 @faithbetryin @still-wanna-be-corrupted @fordo-kixed-rex @zvdvdlvr @mishasminion360 @alwaysdjarin @jokersfangirl84 @cheneyq @fancyvoidtragedy @toxic-seduction @millersaurora @theincredibleinkspitter @alloftheimagines

#15 questions #15 mutuals #help idk what im doing

[myillusions]

introduction and requests information

Hi!

Random things about me:

~ my name is kady!

~ she/her

~ 21

~ blondie

~ tlou fan

~ lana del rey enthusiast

~ virgo

~ favourite colour is red ♥️

~ film lover

~ love writing angst

~ aussie

~ the office is my comfort show

~ marvel <33

- i change aesthetics every second day

~ when lana said “i gots a taste for men who are older” i felt that

~ caffeine all day every day

requests information

this blog is LGBTQIA+ friendly!

~

My requests are currently: open!

Characters I write for (may expand in the future):

i currently only write for Joel Miller (The Last Of Us)!

Request Guidelines:

~ please keep in mind that writing takes time and inspiration doesnt always strike immediately! please be patient with me and not rush the process.

~ requests can be any length! i never know whether a story is going to evolve into more chapters, a series or just a oneshot so please keep that in mind.

~ i dont currently write NSFW so please keep requests SFW for the moment!

~ i make no guarantees that a request will be written so i apologise but i will try.

~ if i miss a TW that you notice please tell me! it was purely accidental.

~ i will not write: any smut (for the moment), incest, age gaps involving minors (underage)

~ if you have any questions dont be afraid to ask!

“Don’t get bitter, just get better.” - Alyssa Edwards

Thanks for reading lovelies <33

#request rules #request guideline #request information #introducing myself #hi #help idk what im doing

[myillusions]

myillusions masterlist

requests: open

The Last Of Us

~

Joel Miller

One shots

Home (Joel Miller x f!reader)

I Saw You In A Dream (Joel Miller x f!reader)

Noisy Sunday (Joel Miller x f!reader)

Series

Gilded Robin (Joel Miller x f!OC) - currently discontinued

“Nothing is immune to time. Not even eternity.” - Mike Carey

#masterlist #help idk what im doing #thanks for reading #the last of us #joel miller

[myillusions]

I Saw You In A Dream (Joel Miller x f!reader)

Summary: After being ambushed by a group of raiders, you are gravely injured, testing the limits of your life. In torment, it’s dauntingly proven to Joel that without you, his light, he doesn't know how to cope.

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

Word Count: 3.6k

Warnings: HEAVY angst, death of reader, blood, wound description, fluff, more angst (this is just a buttload of angst tbh), cursing, infected, canon typical violence

A/N: ahhhh ok ok i honestly had so much bloody fun writing this omg. i wont even lie writing angst is a BLAST and for what!! again tysm all of u for the amount of love on Home here's another oneshot bc why not i hope u all enjoy and thank u to everyone who reads! bless u all <33

An owl; a bird which gives an omen of death with its hoot. Joel should’ve taken it as a warning that night. He curses himself every day for not listening intently for it; constantly wishing for a way to go back to the time before it was too late. To the time before he heard the light chatter of perturbed Jackson townsfolk as they flooded their way to the front entrance gates.

In some way, Joel already knew. You had left on your patrol early that morning, before the sun had even begun to make its venture to haul itself above the distant hillocks; and had yet to return, even as navy blue and stygian black clawed at the sky above, drowning the sun downwards revoltingly along with Joel’s hammering heart. He already had that nagging thought which creeped its way to the forefront of his mind maliciously with each movement. As he swerved and shoved his way through the crowd, the only thing that highlighted your physique set upon the horse was the dim lighting of the flickering flames confined within glass, sitting as streetlights and the scintillating reflection of the moon. You were not alone, sitting behind Tommy on the saddle as he directed the horse through the gathered, his own hands smeared scarlet with the evidence of your pained expression. Your head was slung forwards with exasperation, a palm wrapped firmly around your torso.

Joel forced his way to the head of the throng, coming to assist with hoisting you off from the horse and laying you down onto a make-shift stretcher weaved with a multitude of maple leaves against the material in attempt to provide comfort; but it did not serve to calm Joel’s ragged breathing as his hands came to cup your cheeks, searching your dazed appearance mixed with pale skin, your eyes giving their best brawl to remain open.

“Look at me, baby. It’s okay. Look at me.” Joel tried desperately, seeking to keep you conscious. Your mouth opened for a moment like you were going to try and speak, but then two people were gripping the wood pieces connected to the bed, heaving you upwards and towards the Jackson infirmary. As you were lifted Joel’s hands slid down from your face, much to his disapproval. He began to kickstart after you until a hand was placed against his shoulder, abruptly pausing him in his steps. Joel whirled his head around, his brows furrowed, going to shove the intrusion away, before he was met with Tommy’s aggrieved guise.

“It’s not good, Joel.” Tommy warned, his head tilting slowly. Joel went to respond but didn’t trust his own voice at that moment, so he just roughly turned away, storming after you.

Once Joel had shoved past the doors to the makeshift hospital and gotten to the room in which you were located, he immediately perched himself at your bedside, hands running forth to securely grip yours. Joel went to finally examine you for the first time, his stomach churning sickeningly as his gaze settled upon the profound wound stretched along the side of your torso, clearly struck by a sharp-edged knife. The gash was illuminated with deep crimson, and blood emanated persistently.

He shook his head to clear the odious sight from his glare, instead directing it up to your eyes, which were already firmly planted on him. Something unnamed glistened in the cavernous hue of them, as though you were seeing him for the first time; or the last.

Joel couldn’t bring himself to tear his gaze from you, too frightened that you may crumble beneath his hold if he did, even as the only doctor of Jackson, John, broke through into the room hurriedly; coming to inspect you, with hushed inquires being passed through the few in the room. Joel caught on to the fact that your patrol was ambushed by raiders, and it caused a tint of vexed red to forsake his vision.

Then, you began to shake; as an agonised cry ripped through your trachea, your eyesight blurring with ample tears. Your head shook vigorously as you blinked up towards Joel, hands desperately trying to squeeze his tighter, though slipping from the quantity of blood smeared against your flesh.

“It hurts.” You sobbed out through a harsh inhale, head falling forwards with exertion and Joel felt himself physically deflate with the demoralised edge to your voice.

“Hey, hey. Look at me.” Joel urged, shaking your palms against his until your chin lifted back up to face his watered gaze once again, “Just look at me, baby.”

You sniffled gratingly, your next words coming out rasped as your throat dried with trepidation, “I’m scared.”

Joel frowned laboriously, elevating a palm from your own to press it impetuously against the side of your face, his thumb swiping away the tears that had collected on your cheek.

“I know, sweetheart. I know. It’s going to be okay.” Joel promised warily, his gaze flickering over towards where John was collecting his limited supplies, before he brought it back to your distressed face.

“It’s going to be okay.” Joel reaffirmed, if not more for himself. He pressed his palm closer towards your jaw when your eyes began to flutter with warning of falling unconscious, his gaze widening as he began to ramble out assertions to try and keep you awake.

You listlessly and crookedly smiled over towards Joel as your eyesight blurred in from the edges, creating a tunnel-like vision directed towards Joels panicked optics. Your brain crepitated, cutting off any hearing obtrusively; but you couldn’t bring yourself to care as you peered up, hyper fixating on the deep mahogany of Joel’s eyes, swimming with flecks of a colour much adjacent to coffee beans, which you found ironic. Joel had always loved coffee.

You remembered him noting that he had a fondness for coffee on the first time you met. You were situated in the mess hall, sitting at one of the back corner tables, unaccompanied. This wasn’t because you were lonely, no; it was because you currently had a book planted in your lap and were earnestly invested in whatever was on the pages, gravely turning each crinkled off-white page.

“Coffee?” A smooth voice interrupted your reading, causing your head to jerk up with furrowed brows. A man stood there, with a peppered-grey beard and unruled brunette hair; you recognised him almost instantaneously. Joel Miller. He’s Tommy’s brother, from what you had heard; which wasn’t a lot. He mostly kept to himself, and you didn’t dare to intrude on his personal space. Though admittedly, you had always had a piqued interest for the brooding man.

“What?” You gawped up at him, dumbfounded.

Joel cracked an amused grin at your blundering manner, gesturing towards the alabaster mug full of dark amber liquid set on the table.

“What you’re drinking. Is it coffee?” Joel inquired.

You shook your head promptly, tongue clicking discreetly. “Oh. No. Tea.”

Joel grunted, coming to settle in the seat on the opposite side of the wooden table, placing his own mug filled with his drink of choice down. His brusque manner caught you off-guard, honestly, but you were open to it; especially when he spoke next.

“I’m more of a coffee person myself.” Joel rolled his shoulder backwards to relax his posture. An animated smile lifted your expression as your nose wrinkled with distaste, and it caused Joel’s eyebrows to shoot upwards.

“What? Y’ don’t like coffee?” You shook your head, and Joel gave a dramatic scoff of faux offence, placing his palms down against the wood to elevate himself back to his feet, “Well, I don’t think this will work out then-“

“No, no!” You chirped through a boisterous laugh, reaching towards him over the table to place your hand atop his own, coaxing him to sit back down, “You just got here.”

Joel chuckled blithely, settling back down into the seat, yet he didn’t make any actions to remove your palm from the back of his. He seemed to analyse you rigorously for a moment, before he tilted his head, “Joel.”

You blinked with incredulity, retracting your hand to place it back into your lap. You introduced yourself composedly, even if your heartbeat was pulsating rapidly enough to give even a talented gunman whiplash. Joel tested your name out against his tongue for a moment, before he gave a nod of commendation.

“You’re Tommy’s brother, right?” You asked with a tilt of your head and newfound attentiveness. He seemed startled at your question, his arms raising to cross along his chest to comfortably situate himself.

“I am.” Joel confirmed.

“I don’t wish to intrude, I’m sorry- but I heard you came here with a girl, is that true?” You tried, curiosity getting the better hold of you, peeking over towards Joel, who sat in a rather stand-offish manner; protective, you guessed.

“Yes.”

“I haven’t got the chance to meet her yet, unfortunately.” You said gingerly, internally whacking yourself in your face for the idiotic inquiry; clearly, he wouldn’t leap towards the chance to talk about a close one with someone he just met, not in this society. It was far too perilous.

“I’ll have to introduce you both then.” Joel answered to your surprise; and you couldn’t hold off the exuberant smile that lifted your cheeks, which made Joel chuckle faintly.

“So, you’re both liking Jackson, then?” You hummed optimistically.

“Better than out there.” Joel replied gruffly, and you nodded your concurrence with a grimace.

“I’ve seen you around-“ Joel started, before he interrupted himself with a clear of his throat, “You been in Jackson long?”

You smiled gently, nodding punctually, “Almost a year now. I feel comfortable in calling it home now.” Which was true, the solace the Jackson walls have given you in your time of being here have provided such comfort, wrapping you in a warm blanket of dependability, and you were so appreciative of everyone involved.

You and Joel kicked it off almost straight away. Conversation was a bit tense to begin with, but both of your precautionary demeanours soon diminished with time. You discovered that Joel was actually remarkably humorous as much as he was bashful, and you swore the entire time he could undeniably see the shade of red flourishing your cheeks.

Joel rapidly learned that you were the epitome of luminosity. It seemed that wherever life decided to plant you, you always bloomed with grace. It never failed to amaze Joel. He would often grow timid whenever you caught him staring, trying to memorise each and every curve of your profile. God, how he adored you.

He never made any sort of advance in your relationship, remaining diffident and reclused with his touches and words, until five months after meeting you.

You had both been appointed on the outlook patrol together, and Joel remembered being embarrassingly rapturous about it. You had both just reached the designated spot, advancing the latter and discarding your bags by the dusty fireplace. You moved outside onto the balcony to curl your palms over the metal railing, chin lifting as you drew in an extensive breath, simply enjoying the fleeting moment of peace you managed to capture upon the higher level.

Joel had come to a stop as your effulgent hair lightly oscillated, swinging with the smooth rhythm of the passing zephyr. Joel didn’t believe he had ever seen someone look so deeply peaceful since the beginning of the end, and it stole his breath away unexpectedly in the form of you. You, casted in the illumination of the sun’s rays; and him, bordered in the gloomy shadows created by the roof of the outlook.

He didn’t plan to, but the words more-so tumbled from his lips before he could even have a thought of capturing them,

“I think I’m falling in love with you.”

The statement made you fall stiff, head revolving around briskly to face him, your glistening eyes held wide. He felt dread cascade against him in a barrelling motion, his mouth running dry.

Joel blinked, shifting on his weight as his shoulders rolled forwards subconsciously, stumbling over his words as he attempted to sought up an excuse, “Well, I- what I mean is-“

He hadn’t noticed you taking a multitude of brisk steps towards him after the moment of revelation dispersed, approaching him until you were only a few mere breaths away, crossing the threshold the sun made between the joyous and dismal. You were almost touching.

Joel’s words died in his throat as he took a leap to connect his eyeline with yours; and what he was met with was awe and tenderness, causing a chill to run along his spine swiftly.

Joel felt his eyes flutter downwards to peer towards your full lips briefly, until they returned to your eyes once again, fleetingly. You both stayed like that, with dense breaths, until Joel spoke again. He had shifted forwards a bit more without noticing now, so close that even an inch of movement from either of you would press you both together.

“What I mean is,” Joel repeated steadily, his gaze searching yours inquisitively, “I didn’t expect to get this attached to you.”

Joel wasn’t even positive he had a heartbeat anymore with the way it was beating so rapidly against his ribcage and with how you drew out a shaky breath, a hand snaking up to be placed soothingly against his neck. Joel watched as your gaze clouded with endearment, and he didn’t take the time to reconsider his actions before he was swooping forth, capturing his lips with yours.

You sighed against his mouth, pressing forwards more, and the kiss escalated passionately. Joel’s hands flew down to your waist, delicately tracing the curves of your hips. He grunted against your lips as your mouths moved against each other, connecting you both completely and intimately for the first time. Joel felt his lungs burning against his chest, but he couldn’t bring himself to tear away from you, chasing after your lips more after every movement.

You keened against his mouth, before you murmured something. Joel finally pulled back, breaths intermingling heavily as you both caught your breath, eyes gradually sliding back open to peer into the others. You raised a palm to stretch it along his chest, playing with the buttons of his shirt.

“I think I’m falling for you too.” You murmured the confession, almost unintelligible; but he caught on. He smiled contentedly, leaning back in to recapture your lips with his fervently.

Joel was always in awe of you. Whilst being graceful and empathetic, you were also insanely valorous and proficient. You were a blazing forest fire, and Joel was a freezing man wondering the wilderness. He never wished to control your flame, only wanted to be near it.

He had uncovered that you were the kind of person to persistently say ‘I got this’, even when tears clouded your eyes. You proved this on the day that you, Joel and the rest of the patrol you were with encountered a lot of infected.

You, Joel and three others had been tasked with clearing out an area by the border of Jackson which had been reported to have been flooded with newfound infected that were drawn in. Upon arriving to the worn-out metal shed, it hadn’t taken long for you all to be ambushed by a group of infected.

It was a whirlwind of reverberating gunshots, mixed with the caterwauls of both human and infected. Joel, in a frenzy, after taking down a particularly stubborn runner, had whirled around to search for you desperately; fear striking along his veins.

Then he spotted you, stuck in the midst of it. Like a spotlight had shone down from the sky, past the tinned roof. The perfect combination of grandeur and violence, shooting adrenaline through your figure with every left jab, swipe of the leg, kick, right hook and shoot of your pistol. You fought with such vigour and persistence to protect your patrol mates; Joel was so eminently astonished of the sight that the figures moving towards him with malice were scarcely indistinguishable. Joel found a relief in allowing himself to focus on the task at hand after seeing you in the difficult situation, in complete confidence that you were able to handle yourself.

Joel shook you lightly to bring you back to your conscious, and he’s positive he’s trapped in a nightmare. John was gawping down at the substantial wound, having assessed the damage and come to a dreadful conclusion. Joel all but dismissed him from his sight, primarily focusing on you as your eyes slowly fluttered back open to face him, although hazy. You gave a dazed smile towards him as his appearance flooded back into your sight, your head tilting to the side, until the pain dived back in, striking you in the gut like a bullet.

You pressed your lips together in a thin line tightly to try and stifle the pain. Joel could do nothing but look on with apprehension. You then reached out for him desperately, an inhale breaking past your windpipe.

“Hold me. Please. Joel- Hold me-“ You choked out, gripping onto his shirt to tug him forwards pitifully. He hesitated, but then complied, twisting around to grab the nearest chair and drag it as close as physically possible towards the bed. He would’ve laid down with you, but he didn’t wish to disturb the wound anymore, so instead he wrapped his arm around the back of your head to cradle you against him, his cheek pressed right up to yours and his chest against the side of the bed.

He rocked back and forth slightly, murmuring emboldening words, “It’s okay, baby. I got you.” He raised his head to peer into your own eyes, his free hand coming back to squeeze your palm faintly, in reassurance, “You got this.”

You seemed to smile bemusedly towards that, as you tilted her head closer to him to seek out his warmth, beginning to shake as a honed chill ran along you, turning your fingertips frigid.

You gave a shallow weep, your mouth opening hopelessly; you were trying to say something. Joel exhaled unsteadily, leaning in towards you as you attempted to make out a few simple words.

You blinked up towards Joel as tears cascaded down your cheeks, but it wasn’t from the pain anymore. You shakily raised a hand, before delicately pressing your raw palm against his cheek. Joel forced himself to meet your gaze as his own significantly watered, multiple of his own teardrops littering his skin.

You endeavoured to get your words out, “I- I- I lo-“ But eventually you abandoned the idea as your throat tightened, cutting you off.

Joel broke now, his bottom lip wobbling until a cry tumbled through. “I love you, sweetheart. Fuck, I love you.”

You swiped your thumb over his cheekbone with an affectionate yet pained smile, your eyes cautiously slipping closed. Joel continued to rock back and forth, not breaking his gaze from you once as he muttered miserably.

“Please, baby, please. I love you. Please, god, darling.” Your eyes completely shut now, and your hand was the last to go limp as it fell from Joel’s face, planting itself by your side. Your chest stilled and the colour drained from your face completely; taking with it the tender-hearted and spirited woman he once knew, “Please.”

Joel prevailed in his swaying, his head drooping to hang low as he muttered nothings into the still air, not allowing the sight before him to candidly present itself.

Though, as soon as a hand landed on his shoulder; it brought Joel down to reality and sent him off the edge all at once. He felt as though he’s just stepped off a cliff, barrelling hundreds of feet into the dark ravine of the bitter currents that awaits below, swallowing him up completely as he fights against ocean currents, and then spitting him out to lay lifeless on the coarse sandy beaches.

Joel leans forwards as a striking pain wretches through his stomach, an agonising wail tearing past his windpipe and crawling its way out of his mouth. With the lamentation of the unveiling scene, the person who had pressed against his shoulder rapidly vacated the premise, leaving just Joel and the limp physique of you in the room. It happened too quick. Joel presses closer towards you, even with your body now not sanctioning the amiability and warmth he’s accustomed to.

Joel gave irrepressible cries which sent his spine forwards, until his body eventually gave out on him, and his arms untangled from you, sending his knees plummeting towards the marble floor, the chair dragging backwards with a deafening screech. Joel couldn’t hear, an ear-piercing ringing resounding through his head. Tunnel vision spiralled so rapidly in his vision that he had to shut his eyes tightly and lift his hands to harshly rake through his hair, ripping at his scalp. He curled himself downwards, his broad shoulders trembling whilst he wept.

For all the time that Joel had been familiar with you; you had been the symbol of radiance, your benign words spreading consolation through anyone fortunate enough to receive it. Your determination transcended further than anyone Joel had ever had the pleasure to meet, and your overwhelming fierceness and vehemence brought a magnificent juxtaposition to your thoughtfulness.

That light of yours had shuddered away to a dim glow, before disappearing completely; and Joel had witnessed it all. That will forever be his torment. To see a rare luminous light of this flawed and run-down world flicker to a formidable and devastating darkness.

And now, Joel is involuntarily enforced to remember you for longer than he had known you, and that is the most significant torture of it all.

"When death takes my hand, I will hold you with the other, and promise to find you in every lifetime." i saw you in a dream - The Japanese House

Comments and feedback are appreciated!

#joel miller fanfiction #Joel Miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller x female reader #joel #hbo the last of us #the last of us #help idk what im doing #pedro pascal #tlou #tlou series #hbo #joel miller x f!reader #pedrostories

[myillusions]

Gilded Robin

Chapter Two: the world we knew

Series Summary: Having found security and comfort within the confines of Jackson, Ophelia “Robin” Robinette begins to forget of the outside world and life before she had gained this solace, until her past comes ushering back at full force. A lovers, to enemies, then back to lovers story.

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!OC

Word Count: 4k

Character Sheet HERE

Series Masterlist

Series Warnings: possible tlou 1&2 spoilers, age gap, angst, slow burn, canon typical violence, dark themes, mentions of death, betrayal, outbreak, depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation, blood, fluff, semi-toxic relationship, HEAVY pining, lovers to enemies then back to lovers, eventual smut, alcohol consumption, 18+ mdni (will add more as the story progresses).

A/N: aaahhh so sorry about the wait for chapter two, i've been really busy lately!! thank u all so much for the amount of love on Home omh that was so unexpected i appreciate u all so much thank u thank u thank u <33 hopefully u enjoy chapter two and don't stress things will be revealed properly soon, im just a sucker for a build up!

2014

Knuckles profusely incised staining her pale flesh scarlet, shoulders slumped forth with despondency, subjugating the fatigue against her eyes with clouded sorrow. Though, as an astonishing contrast, Ophelia still walked with her chin held high, bitterness drastically overshadowing any dichotomous grief shown with the way her jaw clenched downwards. Ophelia more-so stumbled onwards, with her wounded right leg weighing her down, along the cracked concrete road shrouded by towering buildings either side as numerous figures in uniform, planted with the obnoxious words ‘FEDRA’ along their backs, raced past in a blur. Fumes filled her lungs with every strenuous step, caterwauls being sent over her head to the surrounding onlookers. Beside her, Ophelia’s brother, Elias, staggered ahead, grunts falling past his lips with every movement, soot smeared along his features, besides the tear streaks that had been shed by the twenty-one-year-old, which had been outlined down his cheeks. His brunette hair almost appeared to look jet black.

Ophelia adamantly refused to peer behind her, where smoke variegated with flickering flames and embers were perched, gradually burning the wood down to piteous rubble, taking her parents with it. The agonising bellows of her Mother and Father would forever reverberate against Ophelia’s mind, she knows this. Fireflies. FEDRA. A permanent scowl had been planted along her expression from the moment Elias and her had make their startling expeditious escape, not allowing a moment to herself to mourn. Fucking Fireflies. The vexation drastically built up against her stomach and up her throat, locking her into a chokehold. She had to stop. Ophelia gave a wheeze, abruptly pivoting to near sprint down a nearby alleyway, her shoulder slamming harshly up against the brick in a stumble as she attempted to control her scampered breathing, any and all emotions forcing its way through the hurricane. She raked a ruined palm against the nettlesome surface, biting brutally down against her lip until the taste of metal flooded her mouth, tongue pressed up by her palate.

Ophelia barely registered Elias’ rushed footsteps sounding up beside her, shifting to a stiff pause, voice wavering with hesitance as he called over. “Ophelia?”

Ophelia slammed her hand against her chest as her heart hammered against her rib cage, rattling the bars in hopes to discover its escape. She held a finger up to Elias with a painful hiss, clenching over, as her gaze began billowing inwards, creating tunnel vision, as to which Ophelia directed towards the disgusting gravel binding the QZ alley. The Fireflies and FEDRA were both sick. The skirmish they had formed became a war, and their murder became a massacre. What gave a nefarious government the right to slaughter? Did both FEDRA and the Fireflies believe themselves better than the rest? To be so egotistical- no, to be so immoral in tearing apart a multitude of families in hopes for their triumph? A horribly condemned revolution and a fraudulent government; it had been fucked since the beginning, and Ophelia’s parents were now titled as mere crossfire, an unfortunate incident. It made her gut twist in loops. How was she to go on without them? Ever since the Fireflies made themselves known within the Boston QZ; every day has been even more of a struggle for survival, and now her parents had succumbed to the scrap of it all, leaving Elias and Ophelia to fend for themselves from here-on-out. Or so, that is what Ophelia had assumed.

Present Day, 2023

Ophelia stared over towards where the familiar man conversed with Tommy and Maria, her feet firmly planted against the soiled terrain, unmoving. Even if she tried, she wouldn’t be able to shift from her spot; her brain fizzing erratically whilst her vision clouded inwards. Ophelia couldn’t even acknowledge the fact that he hadn’t travelled here alone, too taken aback by his mere presence. What was he doing here? How was he here? A younger brunette girl, who was incredulously scanning over her surroundings, caught Ophelia’s eye, a brow raising in tranquil inquiry. Ophelia swallowed harshly, snapping back into herself as her feet instinctively took her a few paces backwards. The girl turned around to Joel, whacking him against side to then point over towards Ophelia accusingly. Joel begrudgingly turned from his unveiling conversation to follow her eyesight, his attention instantly setting on Ophelia, causing her entire physique to tense once again; immobile.

Joel glared over, his eyes narrowing formidably and his brows furrowing. Ophelia couldn’t breathe, her chest cramping in against itself and heart rate kicking up to sit in adjacent with a horse galloping. It seemed a silent message was shared between the two; though it wasn’t exactly gladdening nor heartfelt. Before Ophelia could make any other moves, Joel set forwards abruptly, stalking over in her direction. Ophelia swore she could fall unconscious at any moment, marking this as her time of death. She couldn’t run, couldn’t do anything but curl her palms so tightly into fists her nails dug against her flesh whilst she prepared for the oncoming blow, dangerously holding eye contact with the approaching man, who already appeared to menacingly tower over her. Ophelia bit down against her tongue as the thump of his footsteps neared alarmingly close.

Once Joel came within a few feet of Ophelia, he didn’t slow in his pace. Ophelia tilted her chin down in preparation, but nothing ever came. Instead, only a low whisk past her arm was felt as Joel shouldered past, not paying her a second glance. Ophelia blinked obnoxiously, bewilderment raking along her. Ophelia raised her head to gawp back at him, until a protruding voice caused her jaw to whip around.

“Who the fuck are you?” The younger girl scowled up towards Ophelia, hands pressed against her hips to convey her query. Ophelia squinted at her, at a loss for words for multiple passing moments, mouth run dry with the previous scare.

“Um- no one.” Ophelia answered apprehensively, moving out of her way completely. The girl opened her mouth to pursue her questioning but was cut short with a beckon of her name by Joel, making Ophelia almost flinch. She squinted towards Ophelia in warning, but ultimately turned to follow after.

Ophelia remained taut in her spot, the sound against her ears blurring to a dull fuzz, staring straight ahead of her. A hand then reached for her shoulder, breaking a light through the black; with Ophelia’s head whizzing around to face the contact, a glower sinking her expression, fists curling up. Though, that immediately lightened as she recognised Priscilla, her eyebrows shooting up and the wonted tender manner returning. Priscilla squinted towards her, retracting her hand back, her head tilting in inquiry, guileless concern raking over her gaze.

“What’s up?” Priscilla asked, carefully. Ophelia swiped over her bottom lip with her tongue, mouth completely run dry; though she composed herself with a laborious inhale.

“Nothing. Just thought I saw something- gave me a spook.” Ophelia answered in her best conjured up nonchalant tone, head shaking dismissively. Priscilla stared, unconvinced, yet kicked forwards anyways, with Ophelia trailing along after her.

Priscilla peered over to Ophelia dubiously, deciding to push. “You want to tell me what you thought you saw?”

Ophelia clicked her tongue, palm anxiously running along the material of her pants as the speed in her step increased. How was she to explain that she had just seen the man who had brought her entire world crushing down within the spam of a single night? A man with pretty deep brown eyes, a mind full of thoughts and a deadly need for reprisal.

“Nah, just saw someone who reminded me of someone else, but it wasn’t them.” Ophelia lied through her teeth, hoping that the annoyingly perceptive woman would yield. And shockingly, she did, murmuring an ‘alright’ and facing her gaze back forth.

The two winded down the Jackson street together before they split off in opposite directions, heading towards their assigned houses. Having been out all night and morning on the outlook patrol, the two were granted the peace of a couple of hours of rest. Although Ophelia didn’t have much anyways. Instead, she sat curled up in a ball against the blemished material of her couch, recapping the mornings events hundreds of times in her head until her mind yowled at her to cease; and by the time that happened, most of the day had already passed swiftly. Ophelia, reluctant to attend dinner in fear of being approached by Joel, or really anyone and not being suited up mentally for a full-length conversation, decided to skip it for tonight. She dreaded even the thought of it, cursing herself silently for her pitiful acts. Lord, what a wreck she was.

When the sun woke, stretching above the hillocks bordering Jackson, and the sky swarmed with honey gold and silver, Ophelia bitterly dragged herself from the confines of her house. She headed in the direction of the front gates, coming to meet up with where multiple had already gathered in wait for their assignments. Ophelia, admittedly, was pulled stiff, forthwith awake with a newfound unease, a restless gaze hopping around the surrounding space. It was as though she believed that Joel would spit around from any corner, charging at her with an absence of mercy. Right on cue, Isaac came to approach Ophelia from her side with a maladroit wave, and Ophelia gave a tight-lipped smile in response, trying to shield the way her entire body directed into fight or flight.

“Ophelia, come over ‘ere!” Tommy beckoned with a yell. He was set over by the stables, his back originally turned away from her, talking with someone else who was hidden behind the pillars at the entrance. Ophelia ambiguously headed over, heart plummeting down into her stomach at the sight of Joel behind the pillar, with his arms lifted to cross along his broad chest. Ophelia didn’t allow her step to stumble as she stilled in front of them, wary gaze hovering back and forth between the two. Tommy gave a boisterous grin, raising a palm to slap it against Joel’s shoulder.

“This is Joel, my brother. He just came into town yesterday and he’s wanting to give his hand in helping around. Since you’re, y’know; you, Robin, I was hopin’ you would take him out on a patrol with you today.” Tommy introduced, waving his hand back around to Ophelia as he spoke. Ophelia and Joel both seemed to grimace towards the nickname. Ophelia had to bite back her response to deny the offer, but then weighed her choices; it’s either she explains the situation to Tommy, or she takes Joel out on the patrol. There was no way in hell she’d be sitting down for that conversation anytime soon.

With a nodding head in her best attempt to seem enthusiastic, Ophelia agreed. “Yeah alright, I wouldn’t mind.” Joel continued to stand in his truly characteristic steadfast way, his glare directed sharply towards Ophelia as she spoke, not allowing any reaction to appear from him.

“Great. Thanks, Robin; I really appreciate this. I owe ya’!” Tommy celebrated, giving the two a large, jocular grin before turning around to disperse to the gates in order to converse with others. Leaving Ophelia and Joel alone together. Ophelia gave a harsh swallow, forcing herself to meet Joel’s demeaning stare, to which she returned with an astonishingly somnolent one. She beckoned him forwards with an incoherent murmur.

The two trotted along with their horses in deafening silence, each clamorous thump of hooves hitting the glacial, snow-covered terrain causing Ophelia’s heart to leap with adrenaline, set on edge. They both moved along side-by-side, but not even a glance was shared, although at times Ophelia felt as though she could feel his punitive glare bearing into the side of her head, as though he was watching a drop of perspiration slowly slide its way down the side of her cheek even against the bitter air.

They eventually made it to the first checkpoint of the patrol, dismounting their horses and tying them up against two opposing trees, before advancing up the ladder, with Joel trailing after Ophelia. Upon reaching the top, Ophelia set a line straight for the desk lining the far end wall, searching for the clipboard with rushed hands. Joel situated himself at the exit, watching Ophelia intently through furrowed brows, which only caused her to fumble more. She eventually slid the wooden board out from one of the drawers, scribbling her signature against it with the pen attached, before she gestured it over towards Joel wordlessly. He obliged, kicking himself forwards, rather just shoving Ophelia sideways to lean forwards and carelessly place his own signature against the worn-out paper.

The two set out again without so much as a murmur passed along, and it was starting to nerve Ophelia. The silence was far too strained. As she seated herself upon the saddle on the horse, she dug into her backpack to pull out a map, unfolding it leisurely; before spreading it along her knee, attentive eyes searching back and forth over it.

A scoff sounded beside Ophelia, causing her head to jerk upwards. Ophelia raised a brow towards Joel, who was already set on his own horse, daggers already being glared over towards him.

“What?” She hissed out.

“Nothin’. Just would’ve expected you to know your way around by now.” Joel responded blatantly, and Ophelia’s eyes narrowed towards him. The first words Joel has ever spoken to her since they’ve seen each other again, and it’s a conniving comment. How ironic. She gave a roll of her optics, trailing a finger down the winding roads located on the map, securing their position.

“Yeah, whatever. I’ve only been here for a year, Joel, there’s a lot of territory to cover.” Ophelia shot back, folding the map back neatly to shove it into her backpack, tugging against the reigns to kickstart the horse forwards. Joel didn’t respond, only continued onward with a mutter under his breath. How dare he? Even if she had known the way around off the back of her palm, why doesn’t he try navigating in the midst of Winter? Ophelia scoffed. Hypocrite.

The unfortunate pairing eventually rode up to a dilapidated gas station, another patrol checkpoint, where they could grab and return resources from. Dismounting their horses outside, they both hurried their way in. Heading down to where the cash register once stood, now with foliage sprouting out from opposing directions, Ophelia slung her bag off her shoulder to place it down against the bench, rummaging through.

Ophelia kept on flitting her gaze up to where Joel was scanning over the aisles, warily. She at least saw it as a good sign that he hadn’t tried to slit her throat just yet. Ophelia lifted a few items out from the bag, placing them down in a row and replacing them with the things already stashed inside the cabinets and ticking off the orders on the clipboard as she went.

“Would you hurry up?” Joel sneered from his spot. Yeah, right, like he’s in such a rush. Ophelia stubbornly ignored him, brows furrowing towards as she noticed that one of the items on the list was absent. A can of chickpeas. She lifted her head, swerving around the counter to scan over the shelves, over by Joel. That was, until her ankle awkwardly twisted beneath one of the protruding vines sticking from the cracked tilted floor, sending her plummeting forwards, banging into the metal shelf beside her. The shelf fell to the ground with an ear-piercing screech, but warm arms wrapped around Ophelia’s torso securely before she could face-plant. Ophelia didn’t even have time to breathe before she was brutally slammed up against a nearby wall with a hiss, Joel manoeuvring his arm to press against her chest and a hand covering her mouth. She subconsciously believed this was her final moment, and Joel had lurched at her to send a killing blow.

Ophelia instinctively raised her hands to attempt to tug Joel’s wrist down, but he only shoved forwards more, his head shaking subtly as he gave her a glare of warning.

“Shut up.” Joel spat out, and Ophelia had the situation dawn on her in a moment when her gaze flittered down to the collapsed shelf. It likely alerted anything miles away from them. The two remained still for a multitude of passing moments, the only thing shared between being their ragged breaths. And then, it happened. Ophelia’s heart spiralled downwards as the unmistakable click and scowl sounded from by a nearby shattered window. Ophelia held her breath as Joel tilted his chin downwards to glare over at the door in wait. The light snarl neared closer and closer, until the clicker finally revealed itself at the door, stumbling inside. Joel slowly reached the arm that was placed on Ophelia’s collarbone down, his palm wrapping around the knife firmly situated on his thigh. Ophelia didn’t dare move, compressing her spine up against the intolerable wall.

As the clicker weaved its way down the first aisle, Ophelia snapped her gaze over to where her bag was laid out over the counter multiple steps away, her hunting rifle set next to it.

Joel then began to move back from her steadily, and Ophelia had a dull sense of longing for his coarse skin to return to hers once again, but she was quick to shove that thought away; focusing on the much more prominent issue at hand. The clicker was out of sight whilst it rounded the back wall of the station, but they could both still hear it; the reverberating snapping of its jaws turning Ophelia’s stomach revoltingly.

Joel momentarily blinked back towards Ophelia; tranquil communication being transpired between them. Ophelia gave a terse nod, cautiously raising a foot to begin to backpedal towards her belongings, whilst Joel turned his body around right as the clicker made itself known again, circumnavigating the aisle until it was heading down the one Joel and Ophelia had found themselves in the middle of.

Joel, undeviating, reached out to snatch an item from the shelf: the canned chickpeas. And then, in an extemporaneous movement, Joel swung his arm backwards, only to send the can flying over the shelves, clattering with a clamorous thud. The clicker instantaneously whirled around with a shriek, charging forwards blindly towards the noise.

Ophelia didn’t waste a moment, skidding over towards the counter to grab her hunting rifle, crouching down behind the shelves. A few clatters sounded behind the counter, and Ophelia stiffened. The hastened moment passed fleetingly, the resounding silence returning, besides from the curious whir and clicks of the infected.

Joel had moved off to the end of the aisle, his knife clutched tightly in his hold as he quietly creeped up behind the clicker, preparing to lunge. Ophelia drew in a sharp breath to gather her courage, before she lifted herself upwards, placing the hunting rifle down against the counter, aiming it over towards the hunched infected.

Joel abruptly pounced forth, lifting his knife to gouge it into the side of the clicker’s throat, breaking past its carotid artery. It gave a raucous squall, thrashing around to dive straight for Joel, causing him to lose balance on the knife as it stuck out from the clicker’s neck. In its last efforts of survival, it tackled Joel down to the ground, and they both flailed on the floor as Joel tried to reach back up for the handle of the knife to dig it further. As soon as Joel had been tackled and the situation went sideways, Ophelia senselessly slid herself over the counter with the rifle, taking hurried steps over towards the bundle brawling.

Ophelia lifted the hunting rifle, void of thoughts and her vision blurred to then press her finger down against the trigger, sending a bullet precisely through the clicker’s skull. The infected suddenly fell limp atop of Joel, its struggling arms giving out beneath it. With serrated breathing, Joel heaved the clicker away from him, lifting himself to his feet, crimson now smeared over his chest and staining his frayed plaited shirt.

“You bit?” Ophelia breathed out, effervescent from the adrenaline rush as she scanned him over. Joel shook his head, his chest heaving with the fright of the previous endeavours. Ophelia was unsure as to who should thank who, and Joel wasn’t making any attempts at conversation, so she just turned from him, rushing back to the counter to collect her belongings.

“The fuck were you thinking?” Joel now sneered after he had recollected himself, stalking over towards Ophelia as she finished gathering her things, flicking her bag back on over her shoulder. She paused, gaze narrowing indignantly at Joel.

“It was an accident. I tripped.” Ophelia answered, shouldering past him to vacate the gas station, not wishing to be there for any longer than she already had. She longed for a shower and bed desperately.

“Tripped? What kind of fuckin’ excuse is that? You almost got us killed.” Joel retorted as he followed out after her. Ophelia veered her head around to him as she began fixing the saddle on her horse, her jaw grinding downwards contentiously.

“You want me to say I’m sorry?” Ophelia inquired, before she turned around to face her back to him bitterly, “Okay. I’m sorry.”

“Jesus fucking Christ, girl; how goddamn stupid are-“ Joel started, but Ophelia cut him off when she whirled around, sternly interrupting him.

“I couldn’t have determined that was going to happen. It was just an accident, and I’m sorry. It was an idiotic mistake, and it won’t happen again.” Ophelia threw her arms into the air desperately, before she hauled herself up onto her horse, peering down at Joel for a moment. “Oh, and you’re welcome.”

Ophelia started forwards, not bothering to wait for Joel to catch up; which he did within a few moments, piping up fervently.

“You’re welcome? For what? You’re the one who almost got us both killed.” Joel frowned laboriously, and Ophelia rolled her shoulder blades backwards to fix her posture, gradually guiding off the anxiety from the execrable experience, even with the contention rising between her and Joel.

“If I recall, I was the one who saved your ass at the end there.” Ophelia reminded him, keeping her gaze set forwards to focus on where she was leading them both.

Joel clicked his tongue with incongruity, “I’d barely call it saving.”

“What would you call it, then?” Ophelia shot back.

“A fortunate coincidence.” Joel grunted.

“I don’t believe in coincidences.” Ophelia replied, her gaze finally flitting over towards him, where he was already staring over, an unascertained emotion swirling against the deep mahogany of his eyes, and if Ophelia didn’t know better, she would’ve called it guilt. Neither of the pair were so sure the conversation was still about what happened at the gas station. A coincidence that Joel happened to arrive within Jackson where Ophelia was located after four years of running from him; being hunted by him. Ophelia wasn’t convinced.

Joel proved to fall quiet after that, deciding not to give a deriding riposte, much to Ophelia’s relief. They trotted on in quiet after that, until they reached the prodigious gates of Jackson, having it hauled open. They both dismounted their horses and relocated them to the stables as people began to crowd subtly, clearly noticing the smeared scarlet against Joel’s flesh, questions drifting along them. They both walked forwards, side-by-side, to go give Tommy the riveting report; but they didn’t walk together. No, they couldn’t be more figuratively apart, really.

Joel, wearing the smell of blood and death like a perfume in his staunch mannerisms, and Ophelia, walking a fine line between beautifully macabre and uncharacteristically psychotic.

"Nothing was ever easy. But maybe that was the beauty of it."

The World We Knew (Over And Over) - Frank Sinatra

Comments and feedback are appreciated!

#joel miller series #joel miller x oc #the last of us #hbo #hbo the last of us #pedro pascal #ellie williams #series #joel x oc #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller #tlou #tlou series #enemies to lovers #joel miller x f!oc

[myillusions]

Home (Joel Miller x f!reader)

Summary: You and Joel have been in a relationship, but only in private, for multiple months. After you spot him with another woman whilst roaming Jackson, scepticism ensues. The trials and errors of Joel Millers emotions.

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

Word Count: 3.6k

Warnings: age gap (joel is mid-50’s, reader is 24), pretty heavy angst, fluff, swearing, joel being mean, happy ending, fighting (verbal), uhh misconception on a situation

A/N: hi!! first one shot fr so nervous to post this one. i apologise for it being quite rushed it was typed on my phone and somewhat unedited!! still hope u enjoy thanks so much to anyone who reads <33

“Joel!” You caterwauled through a boisterous laugh as his sturdy arms came to wrap around your waist, hauling you back down onto the sunken mattresses, wrapping himself around you to keep you there, limbs intertwining. You struggled for a few pitiful moments, before you inevitably relaxed against his hold with a passive sigh. Joel lowered his head down to press against the dip of your neck, littering multiple content kisses there, before he grumbled against your skin,

“Stay.”

You gave a roll of your optics, pushing him away with a palm to his chest to meet his conceited grin with your own teasing one. “We have to go to patrols, Joel. We’ve slept in for too long.”

Joel grunted, his hands finding their way to your sides once again to hoist you up to lay on top of him, neck craning upwards to press his lips passionately against your own, hand securely suited on your cheek. You instantaneously reciprocated, humming against his mouth, pressing up against him tenaciously.

You both stayed like that until your throat screamed for reprieve, disconnecting from him; though he still chased after your lips. You gave a faint chuckle, tapping him against his abdomen as you lifted your thigh upwards, rolling off his brawny physique to heave yourself from the bed, however begrudgingly. “Come on, old man. Get up.”

Joel remained where he was set, arms crossing behind his head comfortably, merely staring over towards you as you rummaged around to pick out blemished clothes for the day. After dressing, you peered back over towards Joel, who enduringly continued to examine you from where you stood fumblingly, stealing all remaining breath from your lungs with a single glare.

You swallowed harshly, before sheepishly saying, “What?”

Joel allowed a small yet winsome smile to crack against his features, shaking his head slowly. “Nothin’. Just wanted to look at you.”

The patrols of the day dragged out for an unnecessarily prolonged time, limbs aching with fatigue by the time you returned to the confines of the Jackson walls. During the entire patrol, your mind had been preoccupied; the days earlier moments shared with Joel finding a special place in your heart, carving its name against it, deeply and thoroughly. You bit your lip in thought, pondering on your relationship with the peppered grey and brunette-haired man. Sure, you weren’t exactly together, and your entire situation consisted only behind closed doors; besides the hushed whispers, discreet glances and tender touches in passing, that is. You two both agreed early on that you wouldn’t be public about your close association, preferring to keep it private. If this would be from embarrassment of being seen with you or to protect himself, you weren’t sure; but in all sincerity, you didn’t much care. He had you, you had him, and his arms around you felt like home.

You were dragged from your thoughts when a spirited giggle sounded from a nearby alleyway. Allowing your curiosity to take the best of you, you creeped forth to seek out the source of it. Intrigued, you peeked your head around the corner, heart instantaneously spiralling downwards into the pits of your stomach, finding home there. It didn’t take long to register the scene unveiling before you, becoming so accustomed to the way the familiar man’s broad back strained against his stocky shoulders, with his hair unruled, sticking out in multiple different directions. Only thing was; he wasn’t alone. Joel was placed halfway down the alley, close towards a woman, who you assumed was the origin of the titter. She shifted in her placing, alluring eyes flickering up towards Joel, who was whispering incoherent words into her ear.

You didn’t need to see anything else, tears already pitifully welling up against your sockets to blur the sight as you shoved yourself away from the scratchy brick which burned along your flushed skin, setting a quick pace down the streets of Jackson, breath strained and struggling to find its escape. The overwhelming, jagged emotions surrounding you like a hurricane caused your insides to wound up tightly, threatening you with the efforts of a choked sob. You let your feet take you in any opposing direction to where Joel and the woman weren’t, eventually winding atop a hill, spine raking down the back of bark as you settled into a compacted ball.

You bit down on your bottom lip as it wavered. The pain in your heart accelerated from a dull throb to a searing, glaring pain; kicking your heartbeat to something much adjacent to a sharp hammer against a blistering anvil. And just as swiftly as it came, all afflictions broke from your wind pipe, like a brisk, frigid zephyr rushing past; causing an agonising weep to be sought from your throat. The conflict caused your head to be thrown forwards in the space between your arms, seeking any source of solace possible. Not much came.

That was how you ended up here, fixed atop a hillock, with Maria giving her best to console you, wiping away reminiscing tears from your cheeks messily with the back of your palm.

“I’m an idiot, aren’t I?”

The question makes Maria pause, her brows pinching together in a questioning manner as her attention downturned to where you were perched, set with your back against an oak tree and knees firmly planted against your chest. “Whys that?”

“He’ll never love me.” You murmur in response, throat closing in as you meet your dejected gaze with Maria’s own benign one, swirling with hints of sympathy. It was blatantly clear who the topic was revolved around, and you were aware that Maria understood this, too. The only people who knew much about you and Joel were Tommy and Maria, which you were thankful for.

She took a sharp inhale as she considered her next words, her head tilting to the side thoughtfully. “I think, sometimes, we fall for people we know we shouldn’t.”

You gave a defeated, laborious sigh; stomach churning sickeningly at her words, before you gravely inquired, fretting Maria’s answer. “But why?”

“It’s easier to fool ourselves and say that we’re okay, I guess. If we fall in love with someone we can’t or don’t have, it keeps the fantasy of ‘what if’ alive, y’know?” Maria answered softly, as though worried she would puncture an old wound of yours, whilst you apprehensively pick at strands of grass, the texture stinging against your tender flesh, “When someone is unobtainable, we live in the world we create of them in our mind. It makes seeing reality much more difficult.”

You frown towards this, tears watering with the threat of spilling over in a moment, though you force it back. Maria found a way to discreetly pinpoint your exact situation with shrewd words, however pessimistic. You were unable to form a coherent sentence in reply, so instead you offer the woman a tight-lipped, doleful smile, truly grateful for her opinion. You drag your glare over the setting sun, which began to give way to the moon, drowning the sky out in a whirlpool of azure and bronze and littering the canvas with white specks.

You gave a pensive hum, keeping your attention set against a peculiar dot shining obnoxiously brighter than the rest. “When you consider things like the stars, our affairs don’t seem to matter very much, do they?”

Maria gave a light chuckle of her concurrence, arms raising to wrap along her chest. Your head dipped downwards to now focus on the soiled terrain, the brief moment of peacefulness rapidly fleeting. It really is the hardest thing- when the person you want to comfort you the most, is the one that left you feeling that way. There’s no escaping that painful homesick feeling that settles in your chest.

Once the sun had completely dipped behind the silhouettes of the mountains, you had bid Maria a tepid farewell, heading back in the direction in which you came, only this time veering off to walk towards your assigned house. After hauling the door open and closing it brutally behind you, your footsteps barely made it past the kitchen before three resounding knocks banged against the flimsy wood of your door, the echo reverberating against your eardrums frantically. You released a shaky exhale, shifting back around to twist the handle, slinging the door open, only to be met with Joel standing on your porch, an amiable grin stretched along his expression. Though, it immediately fell as he took in your appearance; puffy eyes, reddened cheeks and a perpetual frown.

“What happened?” Joel questioned, taking a step forwards to embrace you within his hold; but you precariously moved a pace backwards, causing his arms to fall loosely by his side. You cast your gaze downwards, not yet to be able to meet the man’s interrogating eyes.

“I saw you… out there…” You murmured; words barely distinguishable. Joel took another step, closing the door behind him with his foot, but he didn’t dare make any additional actions.

“What? What do you mean, you saw me?” Joel inquired; tone wary. You didn’t respond for a multitude of passing moments in tense silence, until Joel called your name, breaking you from your sorrow and giving way to vexation; like a glass bottle, which withheld a secret note within it, shattering. You snapped your attention up towards him, profile hardening.

“That woman, Joel. I saw you. In that alleyway.” You informed, taking the chance to reverse more from his towering figure. You watched as his face morphed into that of uncertainty, before it fell into cognisant and penitence. You stood, waiting bitterly for his coming response. He opened his mouth for a few moments, though no words came; he fixed himself with a cough, shifting against his weight subtly.

“It wasn’t anything. We were only talking.” Joel tried, and you couldn’t stop the way an astonished scoff escaped you, eyes rolling sardonically, as you shot back, voice somewhat lifting to a dim yell,

“Talking? Please, Joel, that’s the dumbest excuse I’ve ever heard!” Joel gave a groan, hand lifting to rub at the spot between his eyes momentarily, his head shaking vigorously.

“No, you don’t understand. She’s been causing problems with Tommy, I was only warning ‘er-“ You interrupted him with a humourless laugh, throwing your arms up against the air. How idiotic did he believe you were?

“Don’t even try lying to me. It was obvious, she was practically undressing you with her eyes!” You retorted, blatant indignation raging against your eyes.

“I ain’t bloody lyin’, girl!” Joel countered, his own tone thickening. You gave a harsh glare towards him, pivoting on your heel to force your way into the lounge room, clammy hands running along the material of your pants in efforts to compose yourself, though it proved to only rile you up more as Joel followed suit.

You whirled around here, scowling. “How can I even trust you, Joel? You don’t tell me anything! I don’t even know how you feel half of the time.” You pointed out with an exasperated huff. Joel stopped in his steps towards this, jaw grinding downwards irritably.

“You knew what you were getting into when this started.” Joel reminded you, only causing your stomach to lurch drastically more. He was right, you had known what getting into something with Joel Miller meant. It meant nothing was public, so he had no true obligation towards you. That didn’t break your stance, though, remaining resolutely stubborn as you crossed your arms over your chest protectively.

Joel gave an overwhelmed sigh, his posture slightly falling as he spoke, gaze directing to the side of you. “This is wrong. You’re so young, you don’t know what you’re doing to yourself, being with me.”

This caused you to shoot daggers against his skin, teeth clenching. “I’m not a child, Joel. I have every idea.” You turned away from him, unable to continue to watch him stand there like he was being forced to remain in place, like it was a duty. You clicked your tongue resentfully. “Though maybe I should’ve listened when Maria said this would be a mistake.”

Joel grumbled from behind you, his movements stiff. “Why does everything always have to be a fuckin’ struggle with you?”

You spun around to face him, viciously, storming forwards to accusingly jab a finger against his sternum. “Me? I can’t believe you sometimes! You can barely even look at me in public! But when we’re alone, you say all this comforting shit to me. Then you act like absolutely nothing happened? God, and I’m the idiotic one? I don’t know why you’re dragging me along, why you’re getting me to play this game. I don’t understand you.”

Joel immediately shoved your hand away from him, holding it against his own palm securely, countering you with an immensely threatening sneer. “Like I told you already; she’s been causing trouble around Jackson, and it’s a problem for Tommy. I was telling her to back off. Nothing was happening.”

At this point, it was too late to even comprehend the thought of him standing before you, so ardently obstinate in safeguarding his feelings with his reticent answers. Besides, even if you did believe him about the woman, the dispute dug so much deeper than that, this was only the pristine cherry on top of the double scooped ice cream. You had convinced yourself into accepting his requirements for the relationship, though you always covertly knew you wished he wanted more. You raked your hand back from his as you felt a tug against your throat, an alarming sob beginning to rise up to fall past your lips. You refused to let Joel see you cry, though, instead turning your head away from him, with a suppressed sniffle under your hand as you wiped against your cheek.

“Maybe you should just leave now.” You decided with a whisper, keeping your gaze set against your window, where outside the people of Jackson frolicked absentmindedly over the winding streets. Joel persisted to remain in his spot, standing rigid.

“Just leave, Joel.” You spat out, your voice cracking unadvisedly. Joel gave a defeated sigh, twisting on his heel to vacate the residence. And just like that, he left you standing in your living room, stout tears rolling down your sensitive skin the second the door slammed behind his dispersing frame. You pressed your limbs closer against yourself, head lolling down sullenly. You were unsure which pain was worse- the shock of what happened or the ache of what never did. Homesick.

Two days had passed since your quarrel with Joel. To say it had been arduous would be an

understatement. You were sat in your lounge room, pressed closely against the cushions besmirched with soot, restlessly picking at your nails after returning home from a tiresome afternoon of patrols. You had been weighing the entire argument in your head since it occurred, unable to sleep the night of, thrashing and twisting against your worn-out mattress, only to eventually grow irritable and sit out on the front of your porch until the sun awoke from its slumber.

After a multitude of hours spent staring towards your bergamot-stained wall, you hoisted yourself from the uncomfortable material, throwing on a black wool jacket on your way out the door, decisively trudging in the direction of Joel’s house. The flow of your relationship with the man had been a choreographed dance for multiple months, ripping you apart when you needed to cling. You supposed the time had come to implement some new moves. This was the only thought rushing through your mind as you slammed your fist against his stocky door multiple times, regret instantly seeking into your veins; but before you had the time to turn and rush back in the way you came, the door was thrown open to reveal a stern Joel, who had also just come back from his own patrols, no doubt. With the way fatigue hopped against his eyes and his rugged appearance mixed with worn-out clothes, it was clear he was tired.

“Hi.” You breathed, eyes wide as you gawked at him, poignantly. He stared for a second, his expression unreadable. Much to your relief, he then moved off to the side to allow you in, wordlessly. You edged past him, shoulder lightly raking against him which caused him to exhale woodenly as he shut the door, the scent of whiskey wafting over your senses like a lustrous wave. You turned to face him, all prepared speeches dashing off before you could catch up with them. You rather just- pathetically gawped over at him.

Joel then cleared his throat, brows furrowing as he pushed. “Well?”

You shook your head, regathering yourself. You blinked back towards him, breath quickening expeditiously as his expectant gaze met yours. Fuck, why was this so difficult? You decided to pace in front of him, in attempts to gain some ounce of confidence.

“Ok, well, you see- I kinda, no, I sorta- I figured that I didn’t really hear you out all that much yesterday.” You began to ramble, hands flailing beside your body as you walked back and forth, “It’s just I saw you with that woman, y’know? And it hurt. It hurt a lot. Even if it wasn’t anything. And you’re embarrassed to be seen with me around other people, and that hurt more. So even when you tried to explain the situation, I didn’t want to believe you-“

“Embarrassed?” Joel interrupted gruffly, squinting. You stopped dead in your tracks to peer around at him, curiously. Joel gave a sigh of realisation, a small grin replacing his frown, though it was quick to be wiped. He took a prompt step forwards, to which you tensed at, though didn’t dare move.

“Sweetheart, I’m not embarrassed to be seen with you. I just-“ Joel paused here, his tongue swiping along his bottom lip, “It’s not safe for you to be seen around with me. I’m not a good man.”

You completely turned to face him, awareness barrelling into you at blistering speed, demeanour abruptly flipping over and around. Fuck. You had thoroughly believed that you were the problem. Had you truly misinterpreted the entire situation?

You shook your head in an insistent manner. “You’re not a bad man, either, Joel; I don’t really believe that.” Joel grimaced towards your words, palms curling into fists by his side.

“You say that, but you don’t understand the consequences of being- truly being with someone like me.” You stare towards him, weighing your options against the palm of your hand, before you come to a rash conclusion.

You hastily drew yourself closer to him, “I don’t care. I want to be seen with you. I want people to know.”

“People will talk.” Joel persuaded tirelessly, moving back from you until his spine almost pressed up against the discoloured wall. You almost sneered your reply, determined for him to recognise your lack of acknowledgement for the opinions of others.

“Let them. Joel; even if you are doing this to try and protect me, I don’t want it. I can protect myself. And I- we’ve all done some fucked up shit. It’s a necessity in a world like this. I want you. All of you. Please.”

“Why?” Joel insisted, and you couldn’t muster up a reason to not allow the words to spill easily from your mouth, like translucent liquid,

“Because I’m in love with you, Joel. I struggle to even form a logical thought when I’m around you. You make me feel safe, like I belong. I wouldn’t have survived this long here without you.”

An inflexible silence rested against the abundantly thick air, gripping you in a chokehold. Lament wavered along your physique, and you opened your mouth to speak again, prepared to spill out a thousand apologies.

“Joel-“ You were cut off by Joel taking two perilous steps forwards to crash his lips against yours. It took a moment for the action to configure in your brain, gears short circuiting, causing Joel to tense and begin to pull back. You quickly raised your palm to his cheek, salt peppered beard scratching deliciously at your skin, bringing his jaw down to your own to meld your mouths back together; creating the perfect sculpture. You crooned against him as he turned the both of you around, pressing your back against the wallpaper, your arms dropping carelessly around his neck as his hands came to circle your waist and pin you as near to him as physically possible, and you blissfully allowed it.

Joel gave a groan when you disconnected your lips from his own, having to glide back up to the surface and draw in an immense inhale. You smiled, content, as your head dipped forth to press your foreheads together, breath being deftly shared between the small space separating you both.

“Okay.” Joel spoke gently after a while, your gaze flitting up to meet his, falling into a trance at the way his brown eyes deeply bore against you.

“Okay?” You repeated, breathless. He gave a small grin, his attention flitting downwards to your lips, and he couldn’t resist the urge to reach a hand up and trace his thumb over your swollen bottom lip.

“We’ll give it a try.” Joel replied, his optics flittering back up your face. Your breath hitched as his digit dragged along your cheek bone. We’ll give us a try. You released a pleased exhale, eyelashes momentarily fluttering down against your skin as you nodded. You blinked back up towards Joel, whose gaze was already intently set on you.

“Okay.” You affirmed, and Joel dipped his head down towards you again, capturing you in an embrace that sent a sharp shiver along your spine. Wrapped against his build, his scent of sandalwood and musk drifting about, plump lips comfortingly pressed against yours and brown eyes which you could find yourself lost in for decades. And in that peace, you found home again.

“You and I, always almost. Again, and again. We were always on the verge of almost. Never nothing, never something.”

Home - Paravi

Comments and feedback are appreciated!

#joel miller fanfiction #Joel Miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller x female reader #joel #hbo the last of us #the last of us #help idk what im doing #pedro pascal #tlou #tlou series #hbo #joel miller x f!reader #pedrostories

[myillusions]

Gilded Robin

Chapter One: young and beautiful

Series Summary: Having found security and comfort within the confines of Jackson, Ophelia “Robin” Robinette begins to forget of the outside world and life before she had gained this solace, until her past comes ushering back at full force. A lovers, to enemies, then back to lovers story.

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!OC

Word Count: 1.7k

Character Sheet HERE

Series Masterlist

Series Warnings: possible tlou 1&2 spoilers, age gap, angst, slow burn, canon typical violence, dark themes, mentions of death, betrayal, outbreak, depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation, blood, fluff, semi-toxic relationship, HEAVY pining, lovers to enemies then back to lovers, eventual smut, alcohol consumption, 18+ mdni (will add more as the story progresses).

A/N: aaaah first time posting a story on tumblr! thank you to anyone who reads i truly appreciate you <33 apologies that this chapter is quite slow! hoping you enjoy!!

Desperate and fervent virescent optics angled towards the winding gravel road ahead. Scarlet-stained knuckles curling brutally around the wheel until they are undercoated with a shade of white. Grating and strained breaths escaping her cut lips, crimson gradually bespattering down against her begrimed lap. The woman focused relentlessly upon the task at hand, jaw grinding downwards harshly with the effort as ginger hair fell down unceremoniously past her bruised cheeks. Tears instinctively welling up against her eyes as even the most imperceptible thought of previous events swarmed their way around her mind. Joel’s coming, Ophelia; you have to run. The woman abruptly sent the reverberating words in her head to a screeching stop as the sole of her foot firmly slammed down against the breaks of the vehicle, her neck swinging forth at the merciless jolt.

“Ophelia!” Ophelia swung her head around at the mention of her name, pupils narrowing against her dimmed surroundings to seek out the source of the caterwaul, only aided by the flickering flames casting light upon the wooden walls of the small lookout. Ophelia allowed her shoulders to lower in an exhale of relief upon spotting Priscilla, perched with crossed legs in front of the stained bergamot couch, inquisitively peering over at her.

“Lost you for a moment there. Where’d your head run off to, eh?” Priscilla questioned with a quirk of her brow; a subtle grin stretched along her expression. Ophelia grumbled laboriously, shifting against her weight to wrap her arms across her knees, pressing them securely to her abdomen as she cast her gaze downwards, settling it instead amongst the burnt coals bordering the feeble fireplace.

“Nowhere. I was just thinking about the report for Tommy tomorrow.” Ophelia answered indifferently, nails digging down against her thigh uncomfortably as she waited with bated breath for Priscilla’s response.

Though, heedless to Ophelia’s blatant deception, Priscilla only gave a nonchalant rise of her shoulder blades, yanking herself forwards over the timber flooring to lean her head amongst the grimy cushions, shutting her eyes languidly. “Yeah, a’right; you can continue to ponder on that by taking the first shift, then.” Priscilla decided with a grunt, wrapping her arms around her chest conservatively.

Ophelia didn’t answer, directing her attention out of the window angled to the right of the fireplace, where chalky flecks stretched along a stygian canvas; only highlighted by the illumination the moon brought. Ophelia sat for hours on end staring directly out the window, until lilac and gold began to swirl against the sky, pushing the sun additionally further down, creating a bewitching sight in contrast to the dreadful reality of the ground below. Only when it was time to disperse did fatigue begin to seep against Ophelia’s limbs, craning her neck to prod Priscilla in the side, who in turn, rolled around with a murmur of protest.

Ophelia elevated herself to her legs with a strenuous heave, making sure to scribble down the information of the patrol onto the clip board, however disarranged. She then began to collect the few items strewn over the space, shoving them back into her decrepit umber bag, before she slung it over her shoulder, along with her hunting rifle. Ophelia blinked obnoxiously over towards where Priscilla begrudgingly hoisted herself upright, gathering her own equipment, before the two set off; descending down the latter pressed up against the side of the lookout, until their boots pressed down against the unpigmented snow coating the terrain with a dull ‘thump’. Ophelia gave a brisk scan over their surroundings, before she began to trudge through the undergrowth, with Priscilla closely following her trail. Upon reaching where they had stationed their horses, the two fixed their bags against the saddle, before they hauled themselves up onto the seat with the assistance of the stirrup. They near instantaneously began forwards, swaying with the beat of the animals’ steps. The distance between the lookout and Jackson was covered swiftly, with little conversation being shared between the two; Priscilla too exhausted to socialise whilst Ophelia was far too preoccupied with her own thoughts. Although, both still kept an avid ear out for any abnormal or peculiar sounds.

Ophelia, admittedly, did take some of the time to cherish the view; she had always adored winter; how the branches of trees, adorned with snowfall, would shiver against the frigid zephyr, causing the milky flakes to shutter down against the sleet-coated terrain. Everything seemed far more tranquil during this season, with animals burrowing away to shield from the cold and the light crunch of footsteps against the insubstantial snow. Even with the impending threat of infected looming over, Ophelia couldn’t resist from feeling comforted by winter, with all the glacial and bitter entails it supplies.

Upon guiding the horses through the gate of Jackson after it had been pulled open, Priscilla and Ophelia posted them in the stables, before they came to join the cluster of physiques settled at the entrance. Ophelia chased down Tommy, who greeted her with a pat to the shoulder and an incline of his head in tranquil inquiry.

“Ay, Tommy. Priscilla and I’s patrol went smoothly, no infected. Though, we did see a couple of raiders in the distance, but they ended up moving off in the opposite direction, so we should be fine. Might want to get a couple of people out on an earlier patrol just to check, either way.” Ophelia informed with a pragmatic hum.

Tommy nodded enthusiastically along to Priscilla’s words. “Cheers, Robin. I’ll be sure to get ‘round to that. You and Priscilla can go head down to the hall, breakfast should be just about ready now.” Ophelia grimaced towards the use of the nickname, though she gave a grateful grunt anyways, giving a wave of adieu towards Tommy, before going to fetch Priscilla. The two trotted off in the direction of the rather substantial building with rushed steps, eager to have something to eat.

Ophelia rapidly gained her usual loquacious demeanour back as the morning continued, indulging in multiple lingering conversations whilst she stood in line at the cafeteria, awaiting her own meal. Ophelia and Priscilla grabbed their own trays, heading to a selected table to settle, along with three others: Isaac, Caleb and Maya. Ophelia knew the lot quite well, though she didn’t place much trust in them.

“So, Priscilla, Ophelia; you two were on lookout yesterday, yeah? Anything exciting happen?” Caleb questioned, whilst digging in a spoonful of mashed potato past his lips, expecting eyes flickering back and forth between the two women.

Ophelia tsked, tapping her fork down against the plate a multitude of times, with a shake of her head. “Nothing worth mentioning. It was rather boring, really.” Priscilla sounded a drastic inhale at this, a palm whacking against her chest, resulting in the gazes settled around the table to snap towards her.

“Boring? Ophelia, I’m offended!” Priscilla jested, giving a faux frown as she wiped an imaginary tear from her pale cheek. Ophelia only snorted her amusement, giving the raven-haired woman a shove to the arm. Maya then leaned forwards, elbows against the table, veering over towards Ophelia with an exuberant hazel glare.

“Ophelia, word is you and Maverick have been canoodling lately. Is it true?” Maya blinked, anticipation swirling amongst her eyes. Ophelia repressed a scoff, opening her mouth to answer; Maya, always the prying one.

Priscilla shot in with a scoff before Ophelia could began to articulate her response, with her bottom lip curled in distaste. “Jesus, Maya, canoodling? What are you, eighty?”

Maya stuck her tongue out towards Priscilla in retort, until Priscilla perked up, with a scoff. “To be honest, it isn’t much of your business, nor anyone’s, Maya.” Priscilla pondered for a few moments, before continuing, “But if you must know, no. Nothing is happening.” Priscilla wasn’t exactly being untruthful, nothing had been happened with Maverick; anymore, that is. Much to Ophelia’s predictions, he had evolved into a self-righteous, conceited prick.

Maya slumped back against her chair, with a defeated frown etched upon her features. Caleb only inclined forth more, intent, inspecting Ophelia with a brisk once-over, as though she wasn’t painfully aware of his leering. Ophelia, set on being post-haste with her meal after the mortifying conversation, eventually wrapped her palms around the border of the ligneous table, pushing her chair backwards with an ear-piercing shriek over the flooring. Disposing of her dishes on the counter by the kitchen, Ophelia strolled from the hall, breathing out an exasperated exhale which had been caught in her chest. Morning continued to stretch on, however the sun was held glistening just below the pearly clouds, reflecting thin beaming rays down against Jackson below, resulting in most surfaces being rather damp with the mixture of the season, and a low mist to hang against the air.

Ophelia sauntered through the extensive streets of Jackson leisurely, savouring the sound of light chatter frolicking past her ears, assorted with people shifting up and down the walkways of the sequestered Jackson to assume their duties of the day. It was a peaceful day, Ophelia noted.

That was, until a sickeningly familiar name was yelled out amongst the tranquil street, breaking the untroubled atmosphere like a vase shattering. The exclamation cut sharply through Ophelia’s demeanour, like a knife to a nimble string, her pupils narrowing as her mouth runs dry and bitter, her throat contracting inwards. “Joel!” Ophelia came to a stuttering pause, her brows immediately furrowing with dubiety.

Ophelia carried herself over by the side of one of the multitude of buildings lining the street, her heart rate kicking up plentifully, causing her abdomen to cramp against itself. She pressed her spine up against the unbearable brick, attempting to calm her breaths, which now came out hastily. It was only a coincidence, yes? Joel wasn’t truly here. He couldn’t be. Ophelia tilted her neck backwards to stare up against the side of the looming buildings above, mind racing with thoughts too hurriedly for her to keep up. Ophelia internally cursed herself for how indisputably she fell into a panic at the mere mention of the cursed man. Jostling up her nerves with an unsavoury scoff, Ophelia took the chance to peek around from the corner of the building, query humming against her glare. Immediate regret flooded around her, stomach churning sickeningly whilst her heart rammed against her chest, much adjacent to a blistering hammer against anvil. Her vision blurred horrendously at the edges, her inhale getting trapped in her throat, adamantly refusing to escape. Ophelia wished she could fold back into herself as she stared over to where the man stood idly, unaware of Ophelia’s presence; set with broad shoulders, unruled brunette hair and a perpetual scowl written along his expression. Joel Miller.

“Maybe forever was a word meant for memories and not people.”

young and beautiful - lana del rey

Comments and feedback appreciated!

#joel miller fanfiction #joel miller series #joel miller x oc #joel #hbo the last of us #the last of us #ellie williams #help idk what im doing #pedro pascal #tlou #hbo #series

[myillusions]

Gilded Robin (Joel Miller x f!OC)

Summary: Having found security and comfort within the confines of Jackson, Ophelia “Robin” Robinette begins to forget of the outside world and life before she had gained this solace, until her past comes ushering back at full force. A lovers, to enemies, then back to lovers story.

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!OC

Character Sheet HERE (expect updates as the story develops)

Warnings: possible tlou 1&2 spoilers, age gap, angst, slow burn, canon typical violence, dark themes, mentions of death, betrayal, outbreak, depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation, blood, fluff, semi-toxic relationship, HEAVY pining, lovers to enemies then back to lovers, eventual smut, alcohol consumption, 18+ mdni (will add more as the story progresses).

A/N: first shot in trying to post anything on tumblr, comments and feedback are appreciated! chapters are named after some of my favourite songs. i have no clue what im doing. also im a sucker for symbolism so expect a lot in this <33

CHAPTERS

CHAPTER ONE: young and beautiful

CHAPTER TWO: the world we knew

CHAPTER THREE: (coming soon)

#the last of us #joel miller x oc #joel miller series #joel x oc #joel and ellie #ellie williams #series #pedro pascal #joel miller smut #no clue how to use tumblr #hbo the last of us #hbo #tlou #tlou series

[myillusions]

CHARACTER SHEET

Gilded Robin

Ophelia Robinette

❥ ∞ ✯ • ➳

Appearance

Ophelia “Robin” Robinette is five-foot, six inches in height, with lightly wavy ginger hair mixed with golden honey which sits at medium-length just beneath her shoulders. She often wears it either down, in a messy bun, a high ponytail or plaited.

Ophelia’s eye colour is green with brown flecks and long eyelashes. She adorns brown eyebrows and a light flutter of freckles, with soft, plump lips and smooth skin. She has a slim face with round cheeks and a defined jawline. She has two barely visible fangs due to genetics.

Ophelia flaunts with a fit, robust physique, which is curved in a slight hourglass figure. She possesses a tattoo of a lotus on her lower spine.

Whilst being in favor of her looks, Ophelia appears as more so a damsel then she’d prefer, where in reality, she is much adjacent to a lotus; beautiful, graceful and pure on the surface, but the roots are firmly planted in mud and water.

Personality

Ophelia Robinette; when first coming into contact with her, is commonly described as a compassionate and community-based yet apprehensive woman.

Though, like most, Ophelia is quite complex. She is rather sardonic and reticent, though isn’t afraid of a friendly chat. Most around Jackson would determine her as resolute.

She is sedulous and quick-witted in near all of her actions, the struggles of the apocalypse clearly weighing on her decision making. This doesn’t deter her from being sardonic, though, whilst also having her churlish moments.

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“Pride; it will cost you everything and leave you with nothing.”

Priscilla Hanes

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Appearance

Priscilla Hanes is five-foot, eight inches in height. She adorns curly, jet-black shoulder-length hair. She has stunning, piercing blue eyes with sharp features.

Priscilla almost constantly looks sleep-deprived and possesses a tattoo sleeve on her left arm.

Personality

Priscilla Hanes is an outgoing, assertive woman who can come off as rather churlish. She is extremely adventurous, which can cause her to often wind herself up in lamentable situations. Priscilla is exceedingly witty and not afraid to speak her mind.

After getting more accommodated with Priscilla, most find her to be extremely sympathetic and warm-hearted.

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“Eye for an eye. Tooth for a tooth. Right?”

Elias Robinette

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Appearance

Elias Robinette is six-foot, one inches in height with a scruffy, unkempt head of brunette hair which falls by his eyebrows. He has light green eyes and a honed jawline.

Personality

Elias Robinette is an earnest, yet vastly despairing man whom consistently makes ridiculing and satirical comments.

Many would describe Elias Robinette as a survivor.

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“Hemingway said that courage was grace under pressure. He also shot himself point blank in the face.”

Joel Miller

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“Maybe there’s nothing bad out there, but so far there’s always been something bad out there.”

Ellie Williams

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“People are making apocalypse jokes like there’s no tomorrow… too soon?”

Tommy Miller

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“Just because life stopped for you, doesn’t mean it has to stop for me.”

Maria Miller

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"Be careful who you put your faith in. The only people who can betray us, are the ones we trust."

Tess Servopoulos

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"It's a miracle any of us are alive."

Note: Photos are not mine! I got them all from Pinterest.

Will be updated.

#the last of us #joel miller x oc #joel miller series #joel x oc #joel and ellie #ellie williams #series #character sheet #pedro pascal #joel miller smut #no clue how to use tumblr #hbo the last of us #hbo #tlou #tlou series

[myillusions]

…Would anyone be interested in reading a The Last Of Us Joel Miller x OC lovers to enemies to lovers again series? 👀

Been thinking about this concept for a while and have most of a plot planned out. I’ve been writing for a while and have only just considered actually posting my work on Tumblr.

#the last of us #joel miller x oc #joel miller #ellie williams #series #joel miller series #help idk what im doing #no clue how to use tumblr #joel x oc #pedro pascal #hbo the last of us

[myillusions]

Bedtime Story.

Short story by Jeffery Whitmore! Wanted to make this into a comic for a while :] just in a girl boss sorta mood hehe

thumbs + bonus :^))

[myillusions]

The Last Words Of A Shooting Star

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“We’ll always be friends, I promise.”; the last words of a shooting star. The pain of losing a best friend. It’s an unintelligible feeling, almost as though your whole person becomes numb and disassociated. Maybe that wasn’t how it was for everyone, but it was for her. It left her feeling as though she had to be martinet and cachet constantly around her surrounding people, even with the unwavering regret and vexation lurking over her shoulder much like a shadow, always sticking around by her side; even when she can’t see it. How did she allow herself to become tangled up in the uncoordinated webs of remorse and second chances? Was it just the way she was wired? Lord, did she feel exasperated— tired. She sometimes found herself wandering in her own mind, pondering over the thought of just running. Running. Allowing the harsh zephyr to burn through her veins, causing her cheeks to puff and her lips to turn a soft shade of violet. She wanted it to fly through her lengthy hair, pulling at the roots with sharp pricks of wind. Just seeing how far her lissom legs could get her; until she ultimately fell. And until she kept falling, and falling. Maybe she would drown in the pit of it all. And maybe that would be okay— the last words of a shooting star.

#writing #short fiction #best friend #breakup #best friend breakup #idk what to tag this as