mytholympus

[mytholympus]

*Hera finding out about Dionysus*

Hera: YOU’RE ZEUS’S SON?… THAT UNFAITHFUL,DOUBLE-CROSSING, TWO-TIMING ASS OF A HUSBAND! I am going to kil-

Dionysus: WAIT! But I’m the god of wine!

Hera: -keep you safe… I’m going to keep you safe is what I was about to say!

Dionysus:

Hera: …Do you have a wine list?

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[mytholympus]

Dionysus: No, mom, I’m not high. My eyes are red because I’m evil

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[mytholympus]

Dionysus: If I keep losing my keys I might jump out of a window!

Hades: Dio, what did I tell you about saying stuff like that?!

Dionysus: …

Dionysus: If I keep losing my keys I might… push somebody else out of a window?

Hades: Thank you.

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[mytholympus]

*Apollo struggling to open a jar*

Artemis: Allow me

*She makes it tighter*

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[mytholympus]

Hades: I notice that you’re wearing a shirt. Is everything okay?

Zeus: You fucking-

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[mytholympus]

Kronos: No man can defeat me.

Persephone: I am no man.

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[mytholympus]

Zeus, wearing a new shirt: Thoughts?

Hera: And prayers.

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[mytholympus]

Hecate: Waking up every day is just like… Good morning sun. Good morning sky. Good morning evergrowing festering pit of primordial rage inside of me. Good morning birds.

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[mytholympus]

Hades: Allow me to slip into something a little more comfortable…

*He is enveloped in fog and disappears*

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[mytholympus]

Achilles: There is no force of nature that says “come here” like the ocean

Odysseus: Those are the sirens bitch!

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[mytholympus]

Persephone: I could STRANGLE you right now

Zeus: You aren’t tall enough

Persephone: You’ve sunken low enough for me to reach

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[mytholympus]

Hades: Look, I’m sorry about what I said earlier.

Zeus: …And for punching me in the face?

Hades: No. You definitely deserved that.

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[mytholympus]

Hades: Kid, there are two secrets to success

Hades: Number one, never tell anyone everything you know

Dionysus: What’s the second?

Hades: Well

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[mytholympus]

Aphrodite: When I see initials carved into a tree with a heart, I think it’s so romantic! Two lovers on a date…

Ares: One of them carrying a knife for some reason

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[mytholympus]

Any man: Hey-

Artemis: Enough.

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[mytholympus]

Aphrodite: Your existence is proof that generations of your face have been loved.

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[mytholympus]

Zeus to Hera: Babe, I only asked ‘where the hoes at’ so I know to stay away from that area!

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