polarizefinn

[polarizefinn]

A GUIDE TO SERENDIPITYS FALL: a short story

a little bit'a angst :^) artist hyunjin x gn!reader notice: 0.7k words, wrote this in a span of like 15ish minutes, may be messy (are we surprised?)

warning: mentions of nudity, bitchesz broken hearts fr and scars.

deep breath. in, out.

as much as youd like to believe that time heals all wounds, youd like to believe that this one had completely disappeared by now.

the person who you were addicted to, who you couldnt insist on letting go from your life broke your heart, yet your feet guided you here. his first official exhibition, which you promised to him over a year ago that youd attend no matter what.

you stare at the art gallery in front of you, the glass doors seeming to expose the long hallway before it, at the end a big room extending to the sides.

the walls of the place seeming decorated with spectacular pieces, wallpapers glistening and making the place seem heavenly. you push the door open, taking it all in.

the air here feels heavier, richer - sort of.

you walk down the long hallway, with each step your shoulders loosening, your breath alligning and your ears starting to lose the overwhelming sense of hearing your heartbeat.

you reach the end, allowing yourself to take in the canvases, almost a lifelong worth of work all in one space. the amount of people here doesnt shock you, hes always been loved. still, he couldnt fit the part of being the lover.

you walk to the far left, starting from the beginning and working your way up to observe all the paintings, as if you havent seen most of them already.

you giggle at the first couple of unfinished pieces, admiring a bit how he had always left some unfinished on purpose,

"i have other things to focus on."

the ones after explore life, nature, the sky. things that are simply beautiful, things that build more imagination, things that are simple yet hard to understand.

"look, do you see it the way i see it?"

pain, humiliation, flowers. flowers had meanings, he taught you. the one time he got some for you, he apologised for it.

"i didnt envision that this would end up hurting you instead."

as you reach the last couple of paintings, you spot the artist.

the group around him listening intently to his words, his explanation for the newest painting.

as you look at it closer, your head starts spinning and you feel tears filling your eyes.

deep breath, in and out. you repeat over and over to yourself.

you look up again and confirm - the painting is of you.

your nude body, a photo you sent to him when he was still a somebody to your life, when you thought you meant so much more than a piece of artwork.

you put your hands in your pockets, looking from afar. you couldnt help but to overhear his explanation, the description of the inspiration earning a chant of "ooh"s.

"and who were they to you?"

you hear a man asking.

you turn to look at hyunjin, his head tilting slightly to look at the man, as a smile creeps up on his face. he looks at the painting again, that goddamn smile still stuck to his face.

"they were merely a muse, nothing more."

and there it was.

how could the same person have the guts, have the fucking guts to break your heart enough times that you can start counting them?

you tried to say something. you tried, but couldnt. your stomach filling up with anxiety and embarrassment instead of butterflies upon hearing his voice.

as much as you hated to admit it, he was something you considered otherworldly. but very slowly, and painfully you came to realise that his weakness was his art, his fondness to you seemed to be replaced.

until you merged as one, and you had to step away from that picture, promising yourself that you wont let yourself be someone elses second choice.

you promised him youd come here, no matter what. didnt he remember?

you became his object, his composition. this time you werent there to stop it, to tell him that youd rather be a distant memory, than now a new collectors item.

that, and he forgot to paint the scar on your wrist from the thorn of the rose. the unrequited love flower, remember?

#stray kids imagine #stray kids oneshot #stray kids #hyunjin #hyunjin imagine #hyunjin stray kids #hyunjin x reader #hwang hyunjin #angst #reader is gender neutral #bang chan #lee know #changbin #han jisung #seungmin #lee felix #jeongin #x reader

[polarizefinn]

flora & outset

pairing: tattoo artist hyunjin x flower shop gn!reader

synopsis: the power of sudden fate, the coping, the struggling, the loving.

word count: 8k

NOT proof read. very fast paced and it checks all the fanfiction cliches (leave me alone ok). ive been working on this since june and the end may be a bit lazy, but im so glad its finally out.

tuesday, 4pm.

“have a nice day!” – the bell on the door rings as the door closes shut. you sigh, as you sit down on the chair that was right behind you. you look around the shop, still can’t process the beauty of it all. all shelves are filled with so much life and color- your very own flowers picked out delicately, and provided with care so they don’t die out, lose their spark.

the shelves are like bookshelves, just more slender, open and made out of white antique rustic wood. the moment you enter it, it’s like you entered heaven on earth.

you’ve always loved flowers, even gotten out of the way to study them, their growth and their meaning. you believe each has its own stories, something that would make it snap in an instant, or maybe bloom you the most beautiful figure. it’s the art of simpleness, you treat them right – you get elation. maybe it’s because you’ve been surrounded by the eye-catching structures that sometimes it can be overwhelming. obviously, new combinations of them can be as appealing and exciting to make as it is to buy them, but it can be a bit much at times.  sometimes that feeling is immediately thrown out of the window when new flowers are put on the shelves. they’ve always been a priority that you can’t help but fall in love with over and over, every time.

the outside of the shop cannot be described better than the inside. though, the exotic blooms are resting on the ground, being held safe in one spot with white painted vases. the way to the door is like a gateway to paradise, like when a field pushes away all of the crops to the side and makes way for you. around you are many other flower shops, each caring for their own sets of exquisite herbs and flowers. it’s not a popular area so to say, but it’s definitely not empty- it doesn’t even feel like it. the sun sits right where it needs to be and the clouds don’t interrupt the light, the breeze only coming by like a flash of a greeting.

“turn on some music, your thoughts are incredibly loud.” – a voice that came from next to you startled you, and you turned to it to see felix, your coworker. he’s your age, and honestly you don’t know why he started working here. you did because it was a heritage – from your late mother, you didn’t think a flower shop this small would need two people. nevertheless, he was a great help when busy hours came by, and he was amazing company to have.

“really? then why don’t you turn it on yourself?” – you tell him with raised eyebrows and raised your lips to a small mocking smile. he rolled his eyes intensely and sighed, looking back at you,

“because the radio is literally right next to you.”

oh. now he’s the one with the mocking smile on his face. you blinked twice or three times and turned on the radio. you don’t know how to work this thing at all, you just know the on and off button but whatever channel is on first is what you’re getting. ‘sunflower’ by post malone. this song is still on the radio? still, you weren’t complaining. you heard felix singing along from the backroom, you chuckled and followed with him.

you looked out the window at the sunflowers we had, ironically. felix wasn’t in the room, but you turned to the door so you could exchange the lyrics back to back, so he could hear you better. that is, when you didn’t notice a person stopping right outside, looking around and deciding to come inside. you heard the bell ding, signaling someone came in the shop, your eyes darted from the door, to the person entering and then to the radio, which you suddenly forgot how to turn off. you panicked and started clicking buttons, only adding more bass and turning up the volume. you nervously bit your lip and looked at the person that was now standing Infront of you. you shot your eyes up at him- red hair, tall, dark brown eyes, absolutely no flaws on his face and many minimalistic and distinctive tattoos on his arms. his mouth is curled in a downward smile, the corner of his bottom lip holding a ring piercing. he worriedly looks at you, then the radio.

“hello, uh sorry um, this thing is old, it’s pretty old” you shouted those last words since the volume kept increasing.

he tsked with a chuckle, “can I?” pointing to the radio. you let your hands free from it and nodded your head, with one single click he turned it off. his hands were really pretty and unscarred, his knuckles were rosy, his nails shiny- lacquered with a gel top coat. he noticed you staring and cleared his throat. you turned your attention to him fully now,

“how can I help you?” you say standing up from the chair, placing both your hands on the counter. without breaking eye contact with you, he said “uh I want a simple bouquet of just sunflowers.” he giggled,

“the song was very well timed as well”.

you laughed at his remark while taking a glance at the radio. you looked back at him now, wanting to finish up the order you asked, “is there a specific color you want for the wrapping paper and bow?”

he thought about it for a second, looking around maybe for some colors that would go well with it,

“yeah, both the bow and wrapping paper can be a translucent white.”

you agreed with his choice and went outside to pick the best sunflowers you had that day to arrange the bouquet. you looked around them, finding the ones that hold the brightest yellow color petals, smiling at his choice of flowers and being satisfied with the ones you’re picking out. either it was you, or the weather has gotten way warmer. the streets feel more alive and the trees in the distance move along to a rhythm that the comfortable wind provided. you turn your head to the window, looking inside and noticing that the boy and felix are smiling, engaging in a conversation. his side profile was a fine sight. you looked back at the flowers, studying them if they’re all perfect. confirming it, you went back inside again, going up to the counter to start assembling.

“you don’t even know the first thing about flowers how’d you even get the job?” the man teased felix but he just laughed along, not taking any offense to his friends comment, “oh shut up hyunjin.”

hyunjin, that was his name… a pretty name for such a handsome being. he was such eccentric visuals, you couldn’t imagine him with a different name, it suit him perfectly. felix noticed you while you were arranging the bouquet, but also stealing a few glances their way. he looked down and noticed the flowers,

“who’s this for huh? you got a partner or whaaat?” he said that in a singing tone, clearly teasing him back.

well, you were right next to them, but you didn’t mean for the eavesdropping to make you this curious. you turned to look at hyunjin now, finished with the bouquet. he looked at felix then at you, smiling at that, “nope, actually I’m buying it for a friend. I heard yellow flowers mean companionship, friendship. so why not show my gratitude?” he was proud of his answer, and you were too. you didn’t expect him to know the symbolisms and meanings. he kind of looked the type but it was still surprising.

happily you turned to the counter to grab the bouquet. It was beautiful, the translucent wrapper really made the flowers stand out. you handed it to him with both of your hands, his hand softly brushed against yours when taking it. with his other hand he reached for the wallet in his pocket, and you quickly grabbed his wrist stopping him. he looked at you confused, then you announced,

“actually, the first bouquet for new customers is always free. we hope you come back again!” you let go of his hand, the two of you turning to face felix. he just stood there confused, looking at both of you. you gave him a warning look, widening your eyes signaling him to not say a word. felix gulped and looked back at hyunjin, “yeah that- yeah…”.

hyunjin smiled widely, “I’ll make sure to do that”, he looked back at you and gave you a big ‘thank you’. he waved his goodbyes, taking the breath out of the shop away. it was now silent for a few seconds, the bell ringing for the last time for today.

you stared out of the door, watching him walk away with a grin on his face. it was interrupted by a loud, confused shout. “what the hell was that y/n? for free? since when is it free? have I been scamming new people this whole time then?”

you shushed him, putting a finger on his lips. you winked at him and walked back to the chair behind the counter, sitting down and turning on the radio once more. he stood there, mouth open but no words are coming out. “I can’t believe I just witnessed this. I was like… a third wheel just now, holy god” he muttered his sentences, again going to the backroom and closing the door behind him. you could only think of the smile you put on hyunjins face.

wednesdays and fridays were your days off. on sundays the flower shop is always closed. although felix technically should only work the days when you’re free, he never has any problem coming in extra days, but that’s his choice. it’s never bothersome or too much when he’s around. he knows when it’s his time to help out or when to do minimal stuff like buying your lunch, helping with deliveries etc. you’re extremely grateful to have some company, he’s yet to be taught so much more of the beauty of florets.

it’s now wednesday, 3pm. usually on free days you go to the place that made you look at nature in a different way. it changed your whole perspective of what real beauty looks like. you always thought it would take a human form, and you wouldn’t recognize it at first, but this wasn’t the case at all. it was said it’s a place where love at first sight would commence, a place where your soulmate, the sky, the healing waters and you truly meet.

you sat down on the spread out grass, right in front of you is a waterfall that glazes like stars are trapped, twinkling at every moment. on the sides are hanging vines and flowers that are also contained in the flower shop. the water glistens and forms bubbles when the fall of one body meets the pit of another’s. the grass is greener than ever, and the birds chirp joyful songs, obviously prideful of the fact that this is their home. it’s a place where all your thoughts can be cleared. just like how a waterfall falls down, the depriving energy condenses towards all the atmosphere. the trees taking it all in and growing into a giant model, extending the landscape containing gaps of sunlight further. any steps can be heard by a small branch cracking, or a rock being tossed. its peaceful and perfect sight would not let you lay your head down. you wouldn’t take these moments for granted at all.

you take a deep breath, thinking about the past month and what things you need to change or improve. you’ve grown to love your shop more than yourself. you feel you can never blossom into your own person as well, stuck in a so colorful but also monotone life. you know you love it more when you give away the bouquets than when you were assorting it. it’s always been satisfying, but lately not enjoyable. maybe you want to be gifted some, you want someone to mean something with the flowers they give you. but in a ‘you mean so much more than these bombardingly colorful grown out seeds. let them be something that would inspire the feelings within, not define them.’

you will care for them habitually. a part of a routine requires depending on you and only you to rediscover your worth, and not be sulked up by meanings and definitions. you’ve settled your mind on a new routine. maybe this place really is ‘magical’.

an hour passes by like nothing, the sunny sky has met an overcast now, you can see it even through many of the tree branches. you hear footsteps on dry leaves behind you, you turn off the music from your phone and turn around with only your head, hands resting on your sides. you see… hyunjin? he looks around the place, admiring it from afar. you were laying like you were at a beach getting tanned. if you stood incredibly still you’d look like a part of the scenery, stuck there like an article of virtu. his eyes landed on yours, your bodies felt light, like what he needed to do next was come up to you, it was like the universe was guiding him here next to you. the silence has been broken by his bewitching voice,       

“it’s you.” his cheesy eye smile smile plastered on his face yet again.

“yeah… wait how do you know about this place?” you asked, tapping the free space you made for him to sit down. he flopped down next to you and extended his feet, his elbows supporting his upper body now.

“well, I come here a lot. I found out about it years ago.” he stated, as you nodded and looked down on your lap then back up at towards the waterfall. “I never got your name?” he spoke now much more seriously, now him being interested to find out more.

“y/n. it’s nice to officially meet you hyunjin”. you said his name a bit more open, in a slight sarcastic tone that caused him to chuckle. the silence afterwards wasn’t uncomfortable. he needed this sight as much as you right now and it was rather calm. you would be lying if you said you didn’t like it. you slightly turned your head to look at him, so slowly you didn’t dare interrupt his sightseeing. it’s going to become a habit to stare at his lips first. they were irresistible, a pleasing shade of pink. his cheeks had a slight red tint. his eyes were darted straight, until he felt you starting. he didn’t turn around fully, only quickly side eyeing you. the both of you looked away almost instantly, both looking at opposite sides of each other. you smiled so very quickly, and felt your cheeks heat up. you scattered your eyes literally everywhere but back at him. the silence is now a different type of quiet, you couldn’t really put it in words.

you didn’t really know how to start a conversation, you didn’t know the first thing about him but didn’t know how to approach and find anything out. different questions popped up in your head that didn’t even make sense, and you didn’t want to make the both of you cringe so you instead kept quiet.

you took your phone and started scrolling on pinterest. the small breeze turned into wind. the waterfall lost its tempo, and you thought it was the video you were watching, but turns out the new raindrops that have started falling were in real life.

the drizzle soon became heavy rain. you quickly put your phone in your bag that you tossed around your shoulder. the world around you changed its saturation from warm to cold. looking up, hyunjin was hovering over you, giving you a hand to help you get up. you took his hand and both of you started running with absolutely nothing to cover you. the rain felt ticklish, you could feel it sliding down, sending you shivers on your back. you didn’t notice hyunjin slightly stopping midway, taking off the jacket he’s wearing.

“why’d u stop? hurry!” you yelled at him, but you yourself didn’t know where you were hurrying to. the main street was 5 minutes away and no taxis or people were around. you were basically nowhere and had no way of getting back home quicker. running was now an only option.

he hurried to you, putting his leather jacket over your head and signed at you to hold it. you widened your eyes at the sudden gesture, not even daring to look back at him as you blush at his action. he grabbed your hand and started sprinting,

“we need to find some place to stay… until it stops raining” he spit out, looking back only once at you. you nodded to yourself, knowing if you reply verbally you’ll get exhausted.

seconds felt like decades, the sky started to clear out but above you was still one cloud- it was like it was chasing you, purposefully doing this. your breath was unstable from so much running, yet holding hyunjins hand made it a bit easier.

you were getting closer to the familiar streets, seeing a taxi a bit further. it was free, hyunjin letting you get in first, then him. you were soaking wet and tired, but you felt so relieved you could relax your feet, at least for a little while. the both of you told the driver your addresses, hyunjin telling him to take you home first.

the car ride was silent, you mouthed a thank you to hyunjin while taking his jacket off. when handing it to him he just pushed it back to you, insisting on you to keep it just in case – all while having a small smile on his lips. now turning his focus on the sight outside from the window, you took this moment to memorize his features again. even when his hair was drenched, or when his eyebrows got messy by all the water falling from his hair right on them, he was unreal. not even a flower, hell, a whole field of them couldn’t compete.

you turned your head to the window next to you. skies are completely clear and the road holds traces of the rain, each garden feels refreshed, the grass glistens. the houses are getting more familiar, until you’ve reached your stop. you pay for the ride, waving goodbye and exiting the car. approaching your front door you couldn’t help but think you’ve missed something, yet you shake off the feeling and get inside.

it was hyunjins eyes – he desperately wanted to meet yours again after you looked away. he took that time to analyze your features instead. how your shoulders relaxed around him, and how your pinkies were almost intertwining on the middle seat.

thursday, 7 am.

you woke up feeling energized, positive energy overflowing- maybe because you let out all that overthinking yesterday. you took a moment to go over the attraction you felt towards hyunjin. it was like he’s an actual magnet. you wanted to get to know him more, before it dawned on you that you don’t even have his number, nor his socials. what if you never saw him again? should you go to the waterfalls more since he said he goes often? but would that be too suspicious of you.

no, screw that. it’s not weird, you considered that place your haven. you couldn’t just not go.

your normal thoughts transferred to shower thoughts. you had made a plan to ask felix for his number. since they both seemed close, maybe you could annoy him a bit to even get his socials. you got ready for the day and headed out the door. you started walking to the flower shop. you had the courage to just do it. what’s the worst that can happen?

“I don’t have his number” – felix shrugged and pursed his lips together. you stood there dumbstruck, in shock. they were so casually chatting two days ago. you didn’t imagine a scenario in which this would happen. you had no backup plan.

“so, am I supposed to do it the old fashioned way? do I wait for him to come back?” a hint of disappointment in your voice wasn’t left unnoticed. you didn’t mind of course, but it would take time, and you didn’t want to wait for your spirit to flee.

“wait, do you like him? you only saw him once though?” felix asked.

“twice. and I don’t know, for now it’s an aesthetic attraction I guess? like I want to get to know him more. he seems gentle, sweet and definitely knows his stuff” you say and turn your head towards the sunflowers. you smile slowly thinking about all the conversation you could have with him about flowers. he seems to know a lot. just yesterday, you wanted silence. take him all in first. experience him first, his manners, his stance, his demeanor. just slowly find out more and more. maybe there could be something there.

“that’s nice. I approve of your opinion on him. I guess I could give you his instagram,” he says before asking for your phone. you give it to him awkwardly, thinking you’d have to scout for hyunjin around town, or maybe even wait at the waterfalls just to find him. you watch felix open your insta. he fidgets with his thumbs and wanders with his eyes before he types out his username, it helped with him being the first one to pop up.

“here,” he clicks the follow button, “now stop bothering me about him. you’re actually so desperate I’m starting to feel bad for you.” he gives you back your phone and walks away, checking the orders for bouquets you have for next week.

you look at his posts and read all of the captions, most of them being either emojis or song lyrics. apparently he’s a tattoo artist, some of his work being displayed in many posts and story highlights. colorful tattoos or black and white, he made them stand out, his style is unique and beautiful. you also noticed many changes of his hair color. you liked all of them though. you click the “message” option on his phone, and start thinking of how to start a conversation. many seconds that felt like hours consisting of typing and deleting later, you finally decided on one and without a second doubt sent it.

“hey! its y/n from the flower shop! since it rained on us yesterday, I was wondering if you properly wanted to hang out sometime, maybe?”

you placed your phone down on the counter, continuing your work day assorting the orders you’ve got, and helping people that come in the shop. hours of work later, you were ready to close the shop. felix had already left so you were alone. you sat down on the chair behind the counter yet again and checked your phone, you deleted some notifications you’ve got until you saw one- hyunjins reply. you quickly opened it, it read;

“oh hey, I’m available now if you are?” sent 13 minutes ago. you quickly responded not wanting for him to wait, “yeah! I just finished work, where do you want to meet up?”

meeting up three days in a row was really odd for you, but for some reason you felt relief he wanted it to be now, considering only now you can stomach a kick off to a proper dialogue.

you turned off your phone and put it down, a new notification came by quickly. a reply. that was very, very fast, you thought.

“you can come by my parlor, it’s very close to your shop, I’ll send you the address now.”

a link was attached in chat, telling you where it exactly is on google maps. you tell hyunjin you’re heading there now and start getting ready. you put on the jacket hyunjin lent you, it was kind of big but homely.

you start following the path, at the same time you put on your headphones and turn on some music. the street lights are slightly dim, some of them blinking. the ground is cemented perfectly, your sneakers don’t hit a single bump or hole. the wind is chilly, but not cold. your hair at a length where it tickles your shoulders, a haircut is in check. and strangely enough, the sky gracefully shows millions of almost dying stars – so mesmerizing it compels you to hold your head up for eternity.

something about walking alone at night was never scary to you, on the contrary, it excited you. it made you realize that there’s is so much beauty out there, some we even don’t see. some maybe we will never experience. how a love for life could be kindled in you, with or without entities you’re a fond of. in your case it was very obviously flowers.

time seems to move slow, you check your phone to see if you’re going the right way still or if you got too distracted. it seems you didn’t miss any turn of paths.

you’re now on a path in a park, benches are painted brown and you notice some carvings of initials on some. distracted by one in particular, you didn’t notice a person coming towards you. both of you not paying attention you bumped into the person. you saved yourself from falling and stopped abruptly. you look at the other person and notice its him. you were kind of surprised, thinking you’d find him at the parlor, not the middle of the park.

“oh god I’m sorry, you okay?” he says with eyebrows furrowed upwards and eyes hinting at worry. you smile at him and nod reassuringly. you don’t know how to greet him properly, but thinking fuck it you just go for a hug.

he hugs back calmly, wrapping his arms around your waist. you say over his shoulder, “why are we meeting halfway? I thought I’d find you there?”

he pulls out of the hug first, puts his hands in the pockets of his jacket and starts walking the way he came from, “I kind of didn’t want you to walk alone all the way..” he says looking back at you.

you head up to him and start walking beside him, also hands in your pockets. “it’s beautiful on this side of town, I adore working here. the people are nice and everything. honestly I love the other side as well because of the waterfalls, but they are kind of far… I don’t mind walking there, I love the scenery and I like how I can just.. think about stuff.”

you pause for a while, taking a deep breath and mentally scold yourself for talking a lot all of a sudden, “god I’m sorry I’m rambling so much.” you look down and raise your eyebrows, blinking every two seconds hoping you didn’t just embarrass yourself.

“I don’t mind it, I like your point of view,” hyunjin says and messes up your hair, immediately putting a smile on your face again. how he never fails to do that.

you walk next to each other for a little while in quiet until he turns to look at you and he breaks the silence again, “you’re wearing my jacket.” he turns back again smiling to himself.

you look down and grin, whipping your head to look at him quickly, “yeah, I guess I am,” quiet. “but I can give it back it’s no problem really-“

you were cut off by hyunjins ohs and no’s, “don’t, it looks better on you honestly.” your ears turn a hue of red, and you smile brightly at his comment.

it was a comfortable and short walk. you got to the tattoo parlor and hyunjin started unlocking the door. on the door was a sign that clearly read ‘closed’, and the window had huge glowing lights in a form of text ‘tattoo’. the inside and outside both looked extremely grungy and aesthetic. the brick walls were black and from outside of the shop, on the side, it had some graffiti but it didn’t look messy or in-your-face.

one that stuck out to you was of a cosmos flower meaning order and harmony. pretty.

hyunjin got in and left the keys on the counter, holding out his hand to point you where you’ll sit. you take out your jacket and put it on the hanger, not forgetting to take your phone out of the pocket. you look around the place- it looks exactly like… all the other tattoo parlors. vinyl’s and bookshelves, many posters, big mirrors, wooden tiles, glass counter, a waiting room, the place where you get your tattoos, and a backroom aka where hyunjin is taking you.

it’s exactly like the waiting room at the beginning, just more modern and not so ‘loud’ per se. you sit down on the couch and he sits next to you. you look around while hyunjin looks at you. after a couple of seconds your gaze ends at him, he asks you, “would you like something to drink? we haven’t got much but.. coffee, some soda, water?”

you look at the time on your phone, 6:42pm. “it’s a bit late for coffee, a soda sounds nice!” he gets up from the couch and heads to the small refrigerator in the corner, he pulls out two cans and shows them off to you, closing the fridge with his hip. he walks over and hands one to you, sitting down again, this time a bit closer.

“thank you,” you open the lid and so does he, the both of you share a ‘cheers’ and drink. setting down the soda on the table you rest your hand on the top of the couch and completely turn to hyunjin. your eyes darting from his eyes to his piercing, it didn’t go unnoticed by him.

“so… you’re a tattoo artist? tell me about it,” you ask curiously. hyunjin looks down with a smirk then tilts his head up, ready to answer the inquiry.

“yeah, I’ve liked drawing and stuff since forever and I found my own style and being a tattoo artist was something that always attracted me so, yeah that’s how I found this job and now I’m comfortable and finally happy with what I’m pursuing..” you noticed while talking hyunjin was averting his gaze almost everywhere, finding right words to say and using his hands to emphasize it. “what about you? you know, I’m actually really interested in flowers and their meanings. I would be more than glad to hear about you and how everything started for you!”

hours were spent talking about each other, exchanges of understanding nods and soft smiles and even phone numbers. if you could, you’d continue all night.

sunday, 9:02am

you woke up particularly early, considering today is a day off. usually you’d sleep to later, but yesterday night you did nothing but scroll on your phone, which resulted to you falling asleep earlier than expected.

work was getting tiring. of course, it’s a job, it’s supposed to be like this - but this was different. you just couldn’t figure out what exactly. it wasn’t assorting, it wasn’t the customers, it wasn’t the shop overall.

and an even stranger thing, whenever you thought of the flowers you winced, your head hurt, you didn’t want to think about it. you shook it off, this is your life. this is what you love, pull yourself together.

you got up and washed your face. the reflection on the mirror left you staring for a minute. my hair got longer, you thought. taking a moment to fully wake up, face a new day.

the plan was simple- do nothing throughout the day and then go to a bar at night. no reason, you wanted to have a bit of fun. it was a needed distraction, every second week maybe. you didn’t go to get drunk or high, or to meet someone that’ll forget you in a day. rather; drink a bit, and scroll on your phone. its better there than at home anyways.

you ate lunch, showered. your daily routine of work became exhausting. your hands worked faster than your brain, you didn’t know what was going on. you were so confused and occupied with everything all at once- you couldn’t even let yourself be vulnerable at home.

pushing those thoughts aside, you put on clothes that still suited you and shoes you couldn’t get tired of. pulling the front door open, you take a deep breath. the air is fresh, “earthy” and humid.

you walked to a bar you saw was newly opened, and you were very excited to try new places so you decided to go. it was a 20 minute walk, wasn’t a lot, but it wasn’t that close either.

the entrance looked cool, and the inside looked dark. the lights had a red glow, they were dimly lit.

you walked to the bar, obviously. you could never sit on the tables, always other people thinking they’re free to sit with you, or talk to you. of course, the bar wasn’t very different, but you had more space away from other people and it usually wasn’t that full.

luckily, this bar wasn’t that crowded, it opened up a week ago, which was the weird thing. you’d expect more people, but you’re not complaining.

“what can I get you?” the bartender asks you, while cleaning your side of the bar.

you look up at the chalk board hanging up, basically having all the drinks written on them, along with the prices.

“just a cuba libre, thanks.” you smiled at him, and he started to work on your drink.

you pulled up your phone and started scrolling on Instagram. old friends- staying home, parenting. new friends- clubbing, drinking.

you’ve never had that, whatever they’re going through. genuinely, your life seemed so occupied with all the wrong things at times. you didn’t know what you wanted. you had the freedom to do whatever, but no motivation to pull something. breaking some pattern or pulling some string could help, but you were chained. the shop, the goddamn fucking flowers.

you took a sip out of your served drink. it was fine. satisfying enough for the night.

more scrolling, more thinking, it couldn’t stop.

no matter where you were or who you were with, you felt insecure. and you hated every second of it.

just as you were about to leave, you heard yelling. somewhere behind you.

but don’t be nosy, don’t turn around.

but you did.

it was the bartender, pleading for forgiveness. and hyunjin. dismissing him.

your eyes followed him as he started walking to the exit, the bartender yelled his name again and again, until he was out of sight.

you followed him. you started running to him, you saw the look in his eyes. he was disappointed, sad, angry. It was honestly jarring, and you just wished he was okay.

you saw him make a turn, and you saw how his hand reached to his eyes, hiding away the tears.

you grabbed his hand, he was startled, but calmed himself when he saw it was just you.

“do you want to talk about it?”

9:02pm.

you take a sip out of the canned cocktail and then let it rest to the table next to you.

his lips press cold, the fear of this information being told again hurt his head more than ever. it wasn’t like he didn’t trust you, he just couldn’t bring himself to relive those memories again, but he chose to today.

he backs away, slowly coming back to his earlier position. his legs stiffen, his composure is fixed straight. guessing that eye contact will make it harder for him to explain.

“i’m sorry you had to witness that, i’m assuming I sort of ruined your night out.. you really didn’t have to do this.” he sighed. his head dropped low, shame consuming him, his nails picking the skin on his fingers. you replied by squeezing his almost bloodied hands. his nails released the flesh, he looked up and blinked multiple times. the truth comes next.

“that was.. my ex-boyfriend. lets just say things between us didn’t end well… but..” his voice cracked, you looked at the tears in his eyes, maybe he wasn’t ready to tell me anything, well, he doesn’t know you that personally either.

you hugged him and felt him starting to break down on your shoulder, “you don’t have to tell me anything if you’re not ready, okay? please don’t feel pressured to do so.”

“I want to,” he says, “I trust you, and I need to talk about this.”

“when we were together, at the beginning it was amazing. i’ve never been treated like that with so much love and respect.. until he started-“ he cut off, taking a deep breath once more to finally say it. “until he started nagging me to come out to my parents. i know, it sounds like I was hiding him or something- but it was the total opposite.”

you turn to fully look at him, “me and my parents hadn’t been talking for a while at that point. they hated me, they were wrecks, drunk all the time. I had to move out, I couldn’t bear to look at them. he didn’t understand, his parents were there for him. he said it was better for me, but truthfully he only looked for ways to make me feel shittier.”

he turns to look at you, “I never hid him, you know? I wanted to have a compromise with my parents at that point, but he just told them, without my consent. he actually found a way to contact them.”

he was outed. you were outraged.

“I told him that they had hated me for leaving up until then, but he just gave them a reason to never forgive- no, take me back.”

his eyes met yours, “i’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-“.

you cut him off, “don’t apologize, please. i’m so sorry you had to go through that.” you said, it almost sounding like a whisper.

“he just kept telling me it wasn’t that serious, to forgive and forget. and now I keep going back, trying to somehow forgive. but I still haven’t forgotten.”

“can I hug you hyun?” he could hear your response as you gave him a pained smile. you understood him. you trusted him even more, for telling you something like this.

you got up and reached down for him, he took your hands, got up and wrapped his hands around you.

he was slightly taller than you, so your chin rested on his shoulder, “you’re alright now. you’ve got me… and-“ you chuckled at your next thought, “and alomestrias.”

he let out a brittle laugh, “a flower reference?” he pulled away and looked at you, “very smooth.”

september 9th, 12:54pm.

dull day, work day. again.

its been a few months since hyunjin has opened up. you two have gotten very close. hanging out every week, minimum two times.

at the beginning, you wouldn’t have thought you’d get close this instantly. he was a joy to be around with. he changed his hair color again, blonde does suit him very well.

you glanced at the mirror again. it started to become… painful.

oh.

oh.

the walk to the shop isn’t lively. did they cut the trees? it’ll rain, the clouds are dark. its just dreary now. your walk is fast, too fast. get the job done, so you’ll leave earlier. it’s been a loop for about a month now. and the only thing you wouldn’t want to show up again this week is-

“flowers, from hyun :]”

you see the bouquet on the desk again. 3rd time this month. you crack a smile, again. 3rd time.

‘they’re just so pretty, aren’t they?” you hear felix say behind you. you almost jumped at the sudden comment, turning around to see him taking his dirty gloves off.

“felix! you cant just creep up on people like that, jesus. its irksome.” you turn back to the bouquet, taking a nearby free vase to put them in. shit, maybe that sounded a bit too harsh.

felix scoffed, shaking his head, “who pissed in your cereal? is everything okay with you?”

“im fine. im sorry.” you hug him as a greeting, and apology. youre as tall as him, so hugging him has always been the most comfortable, and always very warm. you never knew how important he is in your world, but its moments like these that really show you. whether its work, or a simple everything okay? question, he knew how to help.

work was easy that day. customers coming in and out, calling, ordering. humming a song with felix, and then it turned into a whole musical performance. you caught a glimpse of hyunjins flowers for you, a downcast smile was mustered. if only they gave the same message to you as he intended them to.

if only you could look at flowers the same again.

november, 8:25pm.

cheering was heard from the other side of the bar. the football match is on, and fans just couldn’t stay at home to watch apparently, so they have to yell in other places, with even louder friends around them.

you poked fun at felix, “you seriously thought it was a good idea to go to a bar when the world cup is happening?”

he rolled his eyes, “i hate football.” he commented as he downed the 2nd shot of the night.

“felix, take it easy man. two shots already? i didn’t know you had it in you.” hyunjin joked, raising his eyebrow with a smirk on his face, taking a sip from his own drink slowly. you chuckled but immediately stopped when felix sent you a death glare. you could feel your cheeks redden, the urge to laugh again was very tempting.

“oh my god shut up, its only two shots. and if you both keep teasing me ill make it so that you have to take me to the hospital.”

you looked at hyunjin, and he turned at the right moment to look at you back. it wasn’t planned, yet your laughs happened at the same time. felix gave up with you two, ordering a normal cocktail to drink for the rest of the night.

you felt at ease, finally the three of you out together. it was like a bond-made-in-heaven.

? ??, ?:??

its a strange thing, to realize that you have started loving a person more than yourself.

you used to love, love, love. its not a hate now, it’s an unaccepting. a complicated argument with yourself.

you have fallen in love with hyunjin.

you have fallen out of love with flowers, something that used to make you feel whole.

a part of your soul was torn away, another was added.

but what you realized is that, the added part wasn’t big enough to restore it. you realized that the loathe you felt for flowers, was truly for you all along.

work.

“hey hyun, i gotta tell you something.”

you gulp, sigh.

“yes?” please stop staring at me like that.

you can just say it, why not? work on yourself later. hes right there.

“nevermind, sorry.”

days.

you took a week off from work. you only hoped felix could handle it, you felt bad.

you felt bad that this is when you experience contempt for oneself. when a person showed you their vulnerability, their confusion, their happiness, you lose your own self and focus on another.

writing it on paper didn’t work, ripped it out in a matter of minutes. you check your phone to see missed calls, “hyun<3”.

so should you call? youre stuck in your own misery, would you want to bring him down with your sinking ship?

but you call, its him. you love him, you need to tell him, right?

“hey hyun, sorry I didn’t answer,” ….. “yeah, yeah im fine. hey uh can you come by the park near my house? .. yeah. see you.”

shit.

it dawned on you you didn’t call him for nothing. you could potentially lose him, a friend you’ve grown close to, and youre doing it at a risky time.

one more look in the mirror, hes not gonna pay attention to your tired face, hopefully?

i need to explain it to him, he deserves to know.

the loud music in your ears seems to be too quiet, pretending to be okay starts to feel lonely.

oh, they cut the trees there.. and the small river has seemed to disappear, it’s a shame.

you see hyunjin sitting on a bench, in the park. you slowly take off your headphones, approaching him. just smile for now? but youre terrified.

as you get closer he looks up at you and smiles, hugging you. maybe for a second you realized he hugged you too tight.

“are you okay? hi, gosh.”

he sits back down and motions for you to sit next to him.

you look around, its quiet now, and the wind isn’t that bothersome. the fresh air calmed you a bit.

“i need to talk”

you turned to face him, he put his phone in his pocket. turning to you aswell, “of course, im here to listen-“

his chat was cut off, “please just, let me finish okay? ill tell you when you can reply I just, I need to tell you everything.”

he furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, but slowly relaxed, giving you a signal with his hand to take it away.

and so you talk, you didn’t notice your mouth got dry after days of not speaking much, you fumbled, stuttered, stopped. but he listened.

“i think.. im lost hyunjin. i grew up loving flowers I mean, you know this. the shop was my first love and.. i realized I loved something more than that. Its so complicated- my thoughts.. the simplest way I can put it is, the flowers are, basically all my life. and im so sad that my first love is becoming my worst enemy. I hate the way I know so much about them to the point I relate my life to them. and, the only thing that distracted me from that was you.”

you look into his eyes. youre scared for his reaction, you cant deny that.

“i fell in love with you. and,” you look down, avoiding his gaze for just a while. “im so scared to lose you. because i am practically on the verge of losing a part of myself too, i don’t want you to also become something that will break me.”

silence, you knew you shouldn’t say anything. it was a mistake. you finally raise your head, only to see a daffodil in front of you, hyunjin holding it from behind you.

you chuckle, almost immediately figuring it out. “the main symbolism… new beginnings, rebirth.”

you follow hyunjins movement, he sat back down again.

“but hyunjin, it also means unrequited love.” you smile sadly, how you got your answer with a flower.

hyunjin widened his eyes, “seriously? i didn’t know that. i promise I didn’t mean that one.”

“you didn’t? what did you mean then?”

he put the flower on your lap, your hands instantly hold in, observing it closer.

he cleared his throat, almost like a sign to look at him, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it.

“i want to fix this with you, together. you helped me when I needed someone and, I want to help you too. can you let me be your new beginning? I cherish you and I want to help you grow and love yourself individually.”

he takes the flower from your hands, you look at him, “can we let these just be symbols? they also are their own life. ive also grown to love you, the real you. well discover new ways to embrace your first love again. nothing will be broken, I promise.”

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