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LVP all the way hunni 👸 Will post my review of Ep 3 soon! Oh and
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Oscars and Virtue Signaling Hollywood
I switched on the Oscars yesterday ... well, I didn’t purposely seek it out. There was nothing on TV and I haven’t watched the Oscars in years so thought I’d see what kind of PC shit they were going to make us normal folk feel guilty about.
I promptly turned the channel about two minutes in, right in the middle of some rich as fuck Hollywood personality type started droning on about Trump. Can they at least come up with something original or, better yet, when you receive your Oscar- just stick to thanking your Mum, your agent, the director, your childhood drama teacher who inspired you and your third wife; grab your fucking statue and sit the fuck down.
Dont fucking tell us who we should vote for, what project to care about, “vote for this because these group of people are marginalized, vote for that issue because the planet’s getting cooler or hotter, do this because these people will benefit” .... blah blah blah. Then straight afterwards they will call their coke dealer and ask them to meet them in the parking lot, snort a line off a hookers ass and go back to their Malibu beach house to wait for someone else to tell them what they should care about next.
Most people are normal, salt of the earth working folk whose lives are so far removed from these rich assholes. We are all just trying to get by, trying to make our mortgage payments, working 9 to 5 to support our family. We will vote for whoever the fuck is going to help us - we cannot be worrying about what some rich dickhead cares about from their ivory tower when we have real life issues to vote for.
So Hollywood and your pathetic, tone deaf virtue signaling - shut the fuck up and do what you’re paid to do: read your fucking script and go back to sucking a Harvey Weinstein type’s dick and pretend that Hollywood isn’t run by a bunch of pedophiles and molesters.
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Fixed it 👍🏽
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Relationships, Weight Gain and Bill Burr
So, I love listening to podcasts.. Bill Burr, Joe Rogan, Sam Harris, The Jimmy Dore Show, Dave Rubin - I think you have a general idea of what topics interest me based on this, and what side of the political fence I tend to lean on.
But anyway, I am not here to talk to you about gender neutral bathrooms or which pronouns I prefer. I was recently listening to the Bill Burr podcast. If you do not know Bill Burr, stop what you are doing and Youtube him immediately. He is a comedian and fucking brilliant at it, too. He also has a few specials on Netflix. Anyway, Bill Burr very rarely has guests on his show (unless you count his lovely wife, Nia, who sometimes makes a cameo) it is just him shooting the shit, talking about whatever topics come to mind. This is a true testament of what an amazing comic he is. He is naturally funny.. does not need anyone to riff off of and does not follow a script. Bill Burr, if you're ready this, please come to New Zealand!
ANYWAY, Burr has a segment on his podcast where he answers letters that people have emailed through to him. On a recent podcast, he had a letter from a young man who has been in a relationship with his girlfriend for almost three years now. He wrote that when he first met her, she was a little on the heavy side. However, as the years went by, she gained even more weight adopting an unhealthy lifestyle and making excuses why she couldn’t workout. He found himself not attracted to her yet still loving her but stuck with being in the prime of his life but not wanting to be held back by someone who wasn’t in the same stage as he was and who refused to take care of herself.
I was curious how Burr was going to answer this as it’s one of those polarizing questions where you are expected to say the PC thing - you know, “if you can’t love me at my worst..” blah blah blah. While I agree that you should apologetically be YOU I don’t think you should do this at a cost to your health and your relationship.
And Bill Burr agreed. If you enter into a relationship looking a certain way, I think you are obliged to keep yourself looking your best for your partner. And before you get offended, this goes both ways! It is not fair on your relationship to let yourself go both physically and spiritually.
A lady listener wrote in to Burr and also agreed with his advice. She had become complacent in her relationship and gained a bit of weight. She ended up having an open conversation with her boyfriend who confessed that he didn’t find her as attractive anymore. She was hurt but she appreciated his honesty and it was the kick up the ass she needed to take care of herself again.
Now do I think you should maintain the same weight, wear makeup all the time or not wear sweat pants? No! But please, for the sake of your relationship, don’t start letting yourself go.
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The Daily Fail got caught out! They posted an article stating that the Whooping Cough vaccine causes food allergies to suddenly being changed two days later to Whooping Cough vaccine is the key to protecting children against allergies 🤔 If you wish to know the real answer, it’s the former article 🤬. Please read your vaccine insert sheets for the side effects.
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I am SHOCKED that Lisa Rinna has been caught in another lie 🤣
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Real Housewives of Beverly Hills S09E02 Review
I love when Lisa V and Kyle get together. These two ladies always have a blast, just the two of them, and the opening of episode two’s scenes are no exception. Kyle pops over to Vila Rosa and the two ladies make their way to some sort of “make me look like I’m not 50, please” clinic. I suspect that in Beverly Hills, these clinics are similar to when Starbucks came around - one keeps popping up in every corner.
After being offered laughing gas by a man who looks 30 but is probably 60, Lisa V giggles her ass off, wriggling around in the surgeon’s chair whilst Dr Ken doll periodically jabs her neck with a syringe full of filler. What I like about Kyle and Lisa V is, while I know they’re both a fan of Botox, they don’t go overboard by injecting themselves with fillers that puff their faces up to look like they had a hard night on the town. I never understood why older women like this look and I’m thankful that Courtney Cox had all of her fillers dissolved.
Lisa R, Dorit and Erika prove that they were the only three people available for filming that day as they were thrust together for a restaurant scene. Erika takes MVP in this episode for being a woman after my own heart and ordering a beer - “anything in a bottle,” she tells the waitress while Lisa R and Dorit applaud her brave choice and reminisce of the times when they were poor and had no choice but to do keg stands.
I was wondering how they were going to segue into talking about a “girls trip.” Dorit laments the stressful time she’s had lately with the robbery (even though she escaped to do an Eat, Pray, Love scenario in Utah) and the dog saga. “Why don’t we have a girls trip?” She unsurprisingly suggests. I was taken aback that a trip was mentioned when were only two episodes in, but we quickly learn that this is not the “main” girls trip, just the entreè. After throwing around Lake Tahoe (where Erika thinks she may have a house) and other various locations around the US (where Erika may or may not have a house), Dorit suddenly remembers that her sister had just gotten back from a new resort in the Bahamas. Translation: This new resort wanted to put their business out there so approached Bravo and offered an all expense paid trip if they mention the resort name a few hundred times.
So it’s settled, then. Bahamas it is and all the girls are contractedly invited by Dorit. Yes, even Teddy, PK.
Teddy and Lisa R take a hike up one of the many mountain trails in LA. Teddy confides that she, like many other young girls, had originally moved to LA to become an actress. After being disheartened by hearing from her agent that the feedback from casting directors was that she needed to lose weight, Teddy spiraled into an unhealthy eating habit and gained even more weight. This event kick started her healthy eating and exercise regime and out of it grew her accountability business. I have to say, I didn’t quite understand what she did for a living - kind of like a toss up between a personal trainer and a life coach but I am completely for it now. Sometimes you just need a stranger to kick your ass and encourage you. I didn’t much care for Teddy last season but she’s truly come into her own on season 9. This is why I think you should give the new girl a second season as you never really get their full personality until the next season in and they’re more comfortable telling the other ladies where to shove it. Of course there are exceptions to this rule *cough* Kim Fields *cough*. *cough* Peggy Sulhain *cough*.
On the opposite side of the eating disorder scale, Lisa R chats honestly with her daughter (I wanna say Amelia?) about her eating disorder. Amelia’s not Lisa R’s. I don’t really follow much of these ladies outside of the show but apparently Amelia developed anorexia which she has come out of but is still working on. Good luck, Amelia, on your journey and well done for publicly telling your story as many girls and boys go through this illness. I won’t mention the flashback of Katherine joking that Lisa R doesn’t like to eat. Okay I’ll mention it, because we were all concerned that Lisa R had food issues on previous seasons where she turned down or barely nibbled on food that was offered to her. While she denies having an eating disorder, I’m glad to see her enjoying food this season. Maybe in previous seasons she had eaten before filming?
We also did not have to wait long until we hear from actual Charlie Sheen himself, even if it is via phone call. Denise lives in Malibu on a beautiful beach house. This is my favourite house out of the RHOBH castmates as, while smaller than the others mansions, it has the beach right at their doorstep and I’m a whore for the beach. Anyway, we are introduced properly to Denise’s newish beau, Aaron. He does some sort of body alignment thing - can’t be bothered learning what he does just yet. They seem good together, I suppose. Denise has three girls, two with Charlie and one she adopted. I did actually hear the rumour Denise jokes about that her adopted daughter, Eloise, is Charlie’s child with a stripper. *Cackle* I don’t believe it, of course, but it’s one of those rumours that, if turned out to be true, you would shrug and say “meh, I kinda figured.”
Denise reminds her daughter, Lola, that she can’t date until she’s 16 which she brands unfair (I can’t wait until my daughter is a teen). Denise then keeps her promise to the producers that she can get Charlie on the show by prompting her daughter to call him to ask about the upcoming homecoming dance and whether she can go with a boy. Charlie sounded good on the phone - clean, coherent and just like a Dad kept his place as the “fun parent” and promptly passed the rule making back to Denise. Insert anti climatic sound here.
Moving on, Kyle visits Mauricio at work where she has a waahh moment thinking about her third daughter moving out and off to college. Mauricio, typical man that he is, tries to comfort her by doing good news, bad news and reminding her that she’s done this twice already with their two older girls. Thanks, Mauricio.
Continuing with the food theme, Lisa R invites the ladies over where she has a chef round to guide them on stuffing chocolate heart molds with candy. I’m waiting for one of them to bring Gordon Ramsey round while he berates them as they try to debone a chicken.
Present are Erika, Denise, Dorit and Camille who I guess is on now as a friend of the cast mates but kind of a series regular without the corny tag line.
While Erika once again claims my heart by devouring cake and matter of factly stating that these ladies should just “eat the fucking cake, who cares,” the ladies quickly discuss their sex life. Denise confides that she hooked up with Aaron fairly quickly after visiting his clinic and fucking him in his office. For some reason Erika states that this image is up there with her favourite porn. Actually, come to think of it, it does sound like a cheesy porn scene. Woman with insanely large breasts visits doctor with insanely large... muscles...
Teddy tells the group that she met her husband coming out of a nightclub and she sealed the deal with him that night. High five, girlfriend! As someone who shagged their fiancé on their first “date” sometimes when you know, you know. Or in my case, are just a horny bitch. Teddy states that she and her husband have sex about twice a week. This earns shocked gasps from some of the ladies as Denise tells us in her confessional that she and Aaron have sex everyday. Ahh the throes of early love. How exhausting. Despite the outrage, I note that it’s radio silence from Erika and Dorit.
The biggest gossip we hear, and proving my comment on my blog from episode 1 that everyone is six degrees separated from each other in Hollywood, Denise tells us that Aaron is still married yet has been separated for two years. Lisa R adds that Aaron’s ex is Nicolette Sheridan who Lisa R’s husband, Harry Hamlin, used to be married to. She spills that they broke up when Nicolette attended a Michael Bolton concert while Harry Hamlin was away in Canada. She then took up with Michael Bolton immediately after the concert, dumping poor Harry Hamlin. The ladies raise their champagne flutes, toasting the oblivious Miss Sheridan for giving Lisa R Harry Hamlin and their two kids. I sipped my own beer in a bottle. Not as a toast but in commiseration to Harry Hamlin for putting up with Lisa R for so long.
Finally the ladies are ready to head off to the Bahamas. No cattle class for these ladies - not even first class. Bravo (or the new Bahamas resort) splashed out for a private jet to escort the ladies. Lisa V continues her British dark humour by boarding the plane and telling Dorit that she had “gotten something right for once.” I know some people may consider her mean but I think she’s a riot. And I can see that most of the time she’s just taking the piss (mostly). It was kind of mean (but mostly funny) when Dorit asked Lisa V to room with her in her suite and Lisa V reacted with horror. I’m still trying to decide whether Lisa V was joking or not when she mentioned Dorit’s snoring and gas issues as the reason for not wanting to board with her. She even asked for swapsies. Okay, since Dorit (and the Bahamas tourism board) planned this trip, it was kind of mean. But still fucking hilarious.
This episode, to be honest, seemed like a filler episode (even without Lisa V’s neck lift). Not much happened but I guess it helped build up the upcoming episodes. Can’t wait to see what kind of mischief these ladies get up to on tour!
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Oh What a Tangled Web We Weave
.... When first we practice to deceive.
This #JussieSmollett saga has got me doing what I rarely do... reading mainstream media news 😛. I’m sure many of you have heard the story by now... random actor from a TV show they don’t play here has the munchies in the middle of the night (who hasn’t?!) and bundles up to make a trek to Subway for a late night snack. Along the way he gets attacked by two men who yell homophobic and racist slurs against him, telling him that this is “MAGA country” (apparently MAGA is the new racial slur ... like it literally stands for Make America Great Again, but okay...) and pour bleach over him. Oh and let’s not forget the noose around his neck.
When this story broke, an outpouring of anger and disbelief was felt around America. Love and grief was poured upon poor Jussie. Celebrities hashtagged, reposted, condemned and sobbed that “love trumps hate”. My favourite white guilted social justice warrior, Matt McGory urged non POC (that’s people of colour for folks that don’t know) to check their white privilege.
Yes, this story was terrible. In this day and age, incidents like this are shocking to read about. The anger and sadness was completely justified.....
If it was true.
A few people that I follow on Insta started being quite vocal about the fact that this story did not add up. I mean, this was literally the day after it happened not two weeks later when a ripple of doubt was starting to appear around Jussie’s story.
1. Going out in subzero temperatures Mmmmkay I can understand being so hungry that you leave the warmth of your house to grab a quick feed. Actually, I don’t understand cos I’m lazy as fuck and would rather deal with hunger pains then leave my comfy house in the middle of the night. I also would have realized that it’s 2019 and UberEats exists.
2. Two white men are stalking the streets of Chicago(One of Obama’s stronghold cities) in freezing temperatures with bleach and a noose, presumably looking for a black person. And they happened to come across and recognize Jussie Smollet (who I’m assuming was bundled up against the freezing night). They also knew that he plays a gay character on a predominantly black cast show as Jussie claims that they yelled out “Empire n****r.”
3. He didn’t immediately call the police and he left the noose on I’m going to play devil’s advocate here and assume that he didn’t want to be left alone and vulnerable on the cold street. He left the noose on to preserve evidence. Okay yes, I can understand this. I mean, I would personally be horrified to come out of an attack to find rope around my neck and believe you me that shit would be yanked off and thrown the fuck away from me ASAP. But, other people react to things differently. I can see a level headed, calm person keeping that shit on as proof. Except... okay did anyone see that GMA interview he did with Robin? I’ll delve into ripping the piss out of it soon but he clearly told a visibly cynical Robin that he was not initially planning on involving the police and that it was his friend who he was with that called the cops. Why would he keep that shit on him if he had no plans to report it? I mean, apart from his pride as a gay man that kept him from calling the police, as he tried to convince us in the interview 😒
4. He did not want to hand over his phone So, Jussie was on the phone to his manager when he was jumped so there’s a clear timeline of events. His manager even heard the perpetrators say “this is MAGA country!” So great, he has proof that this crime was committed. I’m not going to mention that Jussie told Robyn that after he was attacked he took his phone out of his pocket, where his manager was miraculously still on the line. He somehow managed to have a quick window of opportunity to slide his phone in his pocket before he was attacked. Oh, look, I did mention it. Anyway, we all read that Jussie refused to hand over his phone. In his interview he claims that he did not want to hand over his personal information/data to someone he didn’t know. And you know what, I actually understand this part. I too would be reluctant to hand over sensitive information (especially if I was somewhat famous) to the police. Sorry, I’m just a big believer in privacy. Anyway, police speak states that when he did hand it over it was “heavily redacted”. This could mean it was edited, forged, deleted etc so I’m not going to speculate for sure what that PR heavy phrase means.
Okay, can we now talk about that farce of an interview with Robin for Good Morning America? A lot of people claimed that it was an Oscar worthy performance but is it really great acting when we can tell that he’s acting? I wouldn’t be surprised if he had a pin in his pocket that he was using to stab himself with to conjure up the trickle of tears he squeezed out. I’m sure it would have created worse wounds than the chicken scratches that were on his face after two grown as men punched and kicked him.
Another thing I noticed about his interview was the amount of unnecessary information he gave. I love true crime docos. I remember watching one where they described how they knew that certain criminals were lying. There was one story about a man who had sadly murdered his step-granddaughter. The police said that on the day of the crime, the murderer described his day in great detail. What time he woke. What he ate for breakfast. That he vacuumed his house because his dog shed, what he fed his dog etc... yet he couldn’t remember exactly what time his step-granddaughter left the house or what their exact words were to each other. The investigator stated that the guilty party would do this to deflect from the finer details which might catch them out aka trying too hard to be innocent. I couldn’t help but think of this example when I listened to Jussie explain that he went to the fridge, found it empty, decided to go to Walgreens for food and a smoke, found it closed, went across the road to Subway for a sandwich and salad, texted his friend to ask if he wanted anything, then texted his manager, then his manager called... “Too much information!” I remember thinking. It wasn’t until the next day that I read an article by a behavioral therapist stating that he was surprised by the amount of unnecessary information Jussie gave. Called it!
We’re reminded of the threatening hate mail that Jussie received, laughabley worded in cut out magazine letters, making us wonder if we are in a Hollywood movie plot. Robin asks Jussie “why you?” As if these two men were loitering outside of Jussie’s place, hoping he’ll come outside into the cold at 2am. Jussie gives a proud smirk and says “I come really hard on 45.” (That’s not a gay fetish, that’s the number president Trump is) Yeah, no shit, Jussie. You and every other 10,000 people from Hollywood. When I went on his Insta I could have been on any liberal Hollywood celebrity page... all recycling the same rhetoric, all with the same hashtag, at the same rally/march, doing the same fist in the air sign....😴 He didn’t have anything profound, original or controversial to say and he definitely did not go “hard” on anything. And no offense, Jussie, but there are way more impactful celebrities that people care about. So, we still do not know “why you.”
When Robin rightly mentioned the reasons why people doubted his story... Jussie angrily interjects to promote the opening hours of Subway and to remind everyone that not only is he black in America but he is gay, too. He also wishes to let everyone know that as a gay man he is not weak (cos as a society people think that LGBTQ means weak) and that he fought the fuck back. So much so that he scared two muscle bound Nigerians away and came away virtually unscathed. Oh but he does not advocate violence, though. He wants you to fight back somehow, though. Especially if you’re a little gay boy (his words). He also wants you to remember that when somebody reports a crime long after the fact and no one believes them, to remember that he reported (reluctantly) straightaway (after 45 mins of considering it despite leaving the noose on) and no one believes him. He also wants you to see the truth, but you don’t want to see the truth but you know it’s the truth but you don’t want to.. see the truth? Also, he wants you to know that he was on Grindr when he was single, but this was not a Grindr date gone wrong.
Anyway, all joking aside, if Jussie’s story turns out to be true, I will delete this post and pretend nothing happened because, like Jussie, I too have pride.
Now, you may feel that there is no hero in this story, no hope. Well, that is where you would be wrong, my friends! The real hero in this story is the Subway sandwich artist who had prepared and wrapped Jussie’s sandwich so securely that it survived a beat down from two gym enthusiasts. Please Subway, do the right thing and give this hero without a cape a well deserved raise!
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Real Housewives of Beverly Hills S09E01 Review
I have a confession - I love trashy TV. As much as I love watching docos and education programs and movies - I just love a trashy Telly series. And there’s nothing more ghastly than reality TV. And The Real Housewives of “insert city here” are the creme de la creme of trashy TV.
So here we are, for those who are into The Real Housewives, let me know if you agree/disagree with my opinions. If you detest the shows like my fiancé (who bitches and moans about it but yet still knows who’s “the bitch” and who’s “down to earth”) then scroll on!
So we open the series with Lisa V and Kyle (who I would describe as frenemies) in the middle of an almighty row. We do not get to see the beginning or even the middle of this fight but the tail end where Lisa V is accusing Kyle of calling her a liar and Kyle accusing Lisa V of caring more about her image than her friendships. Let’s not forget Ken’s finger jab in Kyle’s face about not being a good friend to Lisa V. I always get annoyed when husbands of Housewives get involved in their wives affairs but I adore Ken so I will turn a blind eye and say he is doing it for the love of his wife. Anyway, at the end of this scene Kyle is storming off over a big welcome rug which reads “Vila Rosa” and huffing up and over the mini bridge which houses Lisa V’s scary geese. This is after Lisa V furiously demands Kyle to “Get the fuck out of my house. I’m done with it!”
As much as these two gripe and make up, bitch and kiss, fall out and get up, I’m worried (yes worried, despite my partner’s disdain that I care about these rich assholes) that this episode (which we as viewers have no idea what the catalyst for it was) will be the straw that breaks this friendship’s back! Anyway, the scene fades to black where the viewers are told that the following events procede this epic fight by two months.
We open to beautiful scenes around LA which showcase the incredible and different (or staged) houses of each housewife. Kyle is having a pool party that Saturday and excitedly texts each lady an invite which includes their families. Okay so can we talk about Teddy’s house? It’s amazing, of course. I love how a new housewife seems to upgrade her house (or husband) when the next season rolls around. Hello pay rise! Her kids are so cute and I’m happy that Teddy’s business has taken off so well (big props to Kyle not so subtly plugging Teddy’s husband’s business). Lisa R is trying out goat yoga with her two daughters (I’m not even going to go there cos after seeing Heather from RHOC’s bleeding stomach from leeches nothing surprises me anymore) and gleefully anticipating her daughter’s move from NYC back to California. I blinked and missed Dorit and Erika’s journey into friendship. I mean, I know last season they tried to make a real go of it but now Dorit was going out of her way to drive to Pasadena for champagne and “decadent” food. But, as much as I dislike Dorit, I am happy that these ladies have moved on from the drama and (seemingly) have a cordial friendship. Also, for those playing at home, take your first shot of the series as we hear Dorit mention George’s name.
Lisa V is sadly coming to terms with her brother’s suicide. We can see how genuinely upset Lisa V still is and how much she is grieving. My heart goes out to her.
Okay, now the drama. So we (the fans) had all read snippets in the press leading up to Season 9 about Dorit and the dog she had adopted from Vanderpump Dogs. We learn from tea sipping John, who works at Vanderpump Dogs, that Dorit had adopted Lucy Juicy Goosy Something (only a rich person would name their pets ridiculous names like this) and for some reason had changed her mind and returned it to a shelter - yes, not back to Vanderpump Dogs but another shelter. This tidbit is gleefully shared by a wound up John to Teddy (who was already in the know) and Kyle. All the while Lisa V is sternly attempting to shut the story down - “Stop.” “I’m not doing this”. “I don’t want to talk about it.” “She genuinely did not mean it” are all phrases she cuttingly states in between John frantically shoving Lucy Juicy in Kyle and Teddy’s faces and claiming that he’s “super pissed because he’s had to deal with this for weeks.” Okay, while I do believe that Lisa V really did not want to bring this story up, I think she could have tried harder to shut it down if she wanted. She’s the boss and could have told John to piss off or warned him in advance not to go there. But of course, I am under no illusion that the producers do not get a say in what is shared. I think this is why Lisa V is rumored to be leaving the series and why she seems to not give a fuck anymore. I mean she was always a bad ass boss bitch but her tolerance for pettiness seems to have reached a limit the past season.
Meanwhile, Dorit is relaying her side of the story to Erika. Lucy Juicy Goosy Boosy had bitten her kids a few times and taken a “big chunk” out of PK. In this instance, I can understand that this dog is not a fit for their family but I could not understand why she dropped it off at a shelter. Dorit later explains to Lisa V and Ken that she had found a lady to take the dog in and had thought the dog was going to an incredible home. Not sure how she ended up in the shelter but I guess we’ll get to that later in the series. If this is true, as much as I dislike Dorit, shes not so much a villain in this story as I thought. But I still think she should have come to Lisa V first and given Lucy back to Vanderpump Dogs. Why she didn’t do this, hopefully we will find out later on.
Anyway moving on from Lucy Goosy, things at the shelter get heated between sometimes good friends Lisa V and Kyle when Lisa V jokingly (or not) chastises Kyle for not showing up to her new restaurant opening. Kyle immediately takes offense explaining that she had just landed from a long haul flight which Lisa V knew about and heatedly questioned why she keeps trying to make her look like a bad friend. We are reminded of the drama that was last season where Kyle jealously wondered why Lisa V constantly stuck up for Dorit at the expense of Lisa V and Kyle’s friendship. I agreed with Kyle’s statement about Lisa V giving leeway to Dorit’s doggy drama yet gives out to Kyle for missing her party. Things escalate to the point where stiff upper lip Lisa V crumbles in tears and confesses that she’s depressed over her brother’s death. Meanwhile I am hoping that Slate and Portia (Teddy and Kyle’s daughters, respectively) are out of earshot from all this. You can tell I’m a Mum now that my biggest concern are little ears hearing things that they shouldn’t haha.
We are introduced to the latest housewife, Denise Richards. Those of us that grew up in the 90s know who she is and I’m sure most men dedicated one to her during that infamous scene in Wild Things. She’s most known now as Charlie Sheen’s classy ex wife. We meet Denise at a casual gathering at Lisa R’s house. Also present are Dorit and Erika. After announcing that she is a hugger and greeting each Housewives as such, Denise sits down and happily fields questions and jibes about Charlie Sheen. I’m sure it’s written into her contract that she could only join the cast if she can grit her teeth and bear the curiosity surrounding her marriage to the infamous actor. I also learned that you are always six degrees separated from everyone if you live in Hollywood.
Finally we are at Kyle’s BBQ pool party where Lisa R tries to convince us that she loves eating by ordering a burger and a hotdog. I forgot to mention that Lisa V had warned Dorit that Teddy knows about their dog drama. Dorit and Teddy do not like each other, of course. A pity, since Dorit was the link that brought Teddy into the inner circle. I mean, one minute they were bonding with their kids at a playgroup and the next they were arguing about how many minutes late Dorit was to a lunch date. Much to Dorit’s surprise, Teddy is as pleasant as ever to Dorit, not once mentioning that she has one up on her. Now, we all know that if the tables were turned Dorit would probably find a dog to pick up near Teddy and casually drop in with her Anglo American accent “Oh, Teddy, speaking of dogs, I just heard the most ghastly thing about you..!” Of course, Teddy has more class than this and informs the viewers that she did not wish to bring up negativity in front of their kids. Not that that’s stopped other housewives in the past. Nothing else particularly interesting happens at this party apart from Denise Richards dodging more Charlie jokes. The most laughable moment, though, is when Kyle jokingly reminds Teddy that Lisa V does not follow Teddy on Insta. And neither does Dorit. Snigger. We are given a snapshot of the upcoming season with a juicy trailer. And I must say, I am looking forward to this season very much!
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Life Changes
I used to get excited and nostalgic every time I logged onto Facebook in the morning and saw a notification from Facebook that I had a “Facebook Memory”. At 21 I had moved to England for what New Zealanders call an “O.E” - Overseas Experience. It’s basically a Kiwi’s rite of passage. You know, when you leave your teen years behind but you are not quite ready to settle into the real adult world yet so you take off to London for two years to get on the piss with the occasional side trip around Europe. I find it’s mainly Kiwis, Aussies (Dear, God sooo many Aussies) and UK/Irish people that partake in this wanderlust crawl around the world in your early twenties. I remember getting pulled out of a security line in LAX when I was on route to London and decided to stop in the US for a few days. I think the TSA agent could smell my nervousness and probably thought I had a gram of coke shoved up my ass. When I informed him that I was stopping here for a few days on my way to London - “no no, I’m not from London”, I replied when he asked me. When I advised that I was from New Zealand and was moving to England for two years; and yes by myself; and yes I am 21 - he seemed amazed, albeit still suspicious.
Anyway, where was I? Ah, yes, at 21 I was living in England and at 24 I had moved to Canada - I can procrastinate life better than you. Once I moved back to God’s Own (NZ) for good, everyday those Facebook notifications would arise and I would eagerly scroll through, reminiscing to myself of a time I wished I could go back to and relive. I would automatically share a memory I thought was worthy of people caring about. “Aww take me back!” “Can’t believe this was xyz years ago!!” I would caption on top of a pic of me and a hundred tourists pushing the Leaning Tower of Pisa or crouching down outside of the Eiffel Tower trying to zoom my camera out to capture her all in one shot. They are lovely memories to share, of course, but let’s be real - a part of you is sharing it thinking, “be jealous! My life is awesome.” When the reality is that no one gives a shit because they know that you are currently sitting in an office cubicle with a jacket on because your desk is under the air con vent.
As the years have gone by, I found myself ignoring those memory notifications before eventually turning them off. As 25 turned into 26 and 27 etc I started feeling depressed every time I saw them. “Oh my God, it’s been 5 years since this happened. Oh shit, now it’s 7”. I began to wonder where the time had gone and comparing my current life to an era I still wistfully looked back on. Eventually I realized that this was not healthy. I could not keep looking back all the time when amazing things were happening to me right now but I was too busy to appreciate them.
Yes, those memories are amazing and no one can take them away from you. I love looking back now with fondness on an incredible time of my life that I am very fortunate to have had experienced. But I cannot keep looking back and wishing my time back while time ahead of me was wasting away. I slowly began to focus my energy on what my future would hold. I focused on my relationship with my partner (who I met within months of me coming home), on my future goals - buy a house, love your job (still working on that), when/do you want kids? (A drunken night in Ireland took care of that) and learning to appreciate the things and people around you.
Currently I am on the cusp of turning 31. I used to dread turning 30 but as the year approached I felt a sense of calm, acceptance and yes oddly enough excitement. I am so different than how I was in my 20s. I learned to love myself when secretly I did not like myself for years. I was too quiet, too shy, not pretty enough, not a “cool girl”. But the older you get the more you do not give a shit about what other people say or think. I no longer force myself into situations that I am not comfortable with in fear of people talking shit about me or wondering where I am/what I’m doing/why I’m doing that etc. Now, if you’re not a close family or friend of mine - I do not care of your opinion of me.
But I digress, a lot has changed in my life. I no longer have regrets (even about the married man I unknowingly had an affair with in London, but that is another story) I look forward and not back because honestly, my present and future is so much better. Right now, for instance, I am side feeding my daughter to sleep (smug Mums will say this is creating a bad habit but IDGAF) and trying to detach my nipple without her biting down on it in her sleep so that I can slowly creep away. And you know what, I wouldn’t go back to pub crawling through the streets of Florence for all the tea in London.
#LifeChanges #OE #Wanderlust #MumChat
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