recoveryinvegan

[recoveryinvegan]

what are

numbers,

well that’s what i see when i eat

15 that cucumber and around 35 for half of that banana

numbers is what i see at the end of the day

monday was 89kcal for example. today 100

numbers is what i see when i go to the gym

150 burned for 1 hour and something on the tapis roulant,

 maybe around 80 for some light pilates

numbers is what i see when i look at my self in the mirror

70 cm my waist, 25 my arms...

numbers it’s what i also see on the scale

well that’t pretty obvious 

today 46.2

last week 47

one month ago 49

numbers

numbers it’s what i see in my wallet,

honestly they don’t even reach the 20 euros so yeah

but overall that’s what numbers are

my downfall

#edsucks #edtw #twed #tw ed meme #tw ed mention #bulimicrecovery #anorexiarecovery #calories #edpoem #thissucks

[recoveryinvegan]

it never will

Wrap your finger around your wrists, they touch but you could be thinner

Not enough

Go in front of the mirror

Body check from the front

Your hips are smaller, nice

Still, not small enough

Now from the side

Your belly is flatter yes, but I can still see the curves

Not enough

Now on the scale

The numbers have dropped

You could be lighter

Not enough

Your ribs are showing, but you don’t have a thigh gap

Not enough

You’re eating less, but it still something

Not enough

You have no energy, that’s good

But you still managed to exercise

Not enough

Your face is so pale

It’s still not enough

Look, you’ve reached your goal now you can stop

not enough

You’re waisting your life

Not enough

You look dead, when it’s gonna be enough?

#anorexic #tw ed thoughts #ed thought #writers #edpoem #ed essay #bulimia #i’m tired #recovery is hard #anorexiarecovery

[recoveryinvegan]

Nearly there

i feel dizzy

maybe i should stop,

just a little bit more

yeah it’s ok, nothing it’s gonna happen

my heart is beating too fast

it’s just the adrenaline

i don’t like this, i’m gonna stop now

today it’s the last day

i promise

ok, Tomorrow it’s going to be the day

but i said that last week too 

no no, it’s ok

but i swear this time it’s going to be the one

i can feel it...

ok, just once again

i need to stop for a second

but then it will be harder

you’ re right, just this last time

it’s nearly all out, then we can pretend nothing happened

ok, i swear this is the last time

i promise just one more, and then i’m all done

it’s an habit, i can’t just let it go

you don’t understand me

you can’t 

i promise i’m doing better

yeah, one more time it’s not going to change anything

ok, maybe i should just go out for a run

i will feel better

i’m not ok

should i feel like this?

yes it’s normal, just keep going

a little bit more, i can do it

maybe i can’t, but still don’ t stop

it’s all too much

no that’s a lie, 

everything it’s going to be ok

can’t you see it? i’m dong soo much better

look it’s all ok i’m just eating healty 

little steps.

everything is under control, you just need to trust me

i’ve done it again...

don’t think about it, we all make mistakes

but for this one last time

keep going, we’re already halfway throught

at this point i might as well do it right

i can’ t breathe

i know, but you’ re nearly there

#anorexia #bulimia #anorexiarecovery #fuckana #purgedisorder #purgeeating #tw ed related #disordered eating tw #proana #notpro #bulimicrecovery #notmynativelanguage #don'tbemean