straykisses220

[straykisses220]

#tw depressing thoughts #self h@rm #eating disoder trigger warning #bulimima #mealsp0 #tw self destruction #self mutalition #personal rant #words of mine #writing

[straykisses220]

Tired but my sister can’t lose both of her sisters.

Tired but my father can’t lose another daughter.

Tired but grandma would be devastated.

Tired but my nephew can’t grow up with no aunts.

Tired but my mom can’t meet me like this in the afterlife.

Tired but my sister would have to get rid of all my stuff.

Tired but my siblings can’t lose their baby sister.

Tired but my sister wouldn’t be able to handle it.

Tired but my sister would likely follow me.

Tired but they wouldn’t be able to handle reading my journals knowing.

Tired but who would tell my childhood best friend.

Tired but

#tw depressing thoughts #self h@rm #ana rant #ana trigger #eating disoder trigger warning #bulimima #mealsp0 #tw self destruction #self mutalition #personal rant

[straykisses220]

Journal entry March 12th

I can’t keep living in uncertainty. I think this life has been cursed. I want to believe that when I die I’ll be born again and live a fulfilling life. But I know that won’t happen and that after this there is nothing more.

How does this thought not destroy everyone else in life the way it does me? Why aren’t people just as fucked up as I am? Why do I have to be so different?

My life is so isolated.

I know I’m not normal, but how am I supposed to feel normal when nobody understands me? And if they ever care to, they leave because they don’t like it and there’s billions of other people to choose from.

I always fall off. I want to live, just not like this. Not this life. I don’t know, sometimes the reality of my life consumes me. I just don’t want to be lonely but I know I will be forever, it’ll follow me even past death.

#tw depressing thoughts #self h@rm #ana rant #ana trigger #eating disoder trigger warning #bulimima #mealsp0 #tw self destruction #self mutalition #personal rant

[straykisses220]

I wish I could tell you about my life without traumatizing you too.

#tw depressing thoughts #self h@rm #ana rant #ana trigger #eating disoder trigger warning #bulimima #mealsp0 #tw self destruction #self mutalition #personal rant

[straykisses220]

Journal entry March 2nd-

It’s 11:48pm right now, I’m tired but not from lack of sleep. I feel like my life has come to a stop. It’s been 10 months since I’ve graduated and I have accomplished absolutely nothing. I’ve lost myself more than I ever thought I could. A year ago today I had a plan. I had hope, that life would magically get better. I had dreams. I guess they were too out of touch.

All I ever wanted was to live a normal life. I don’t know how everything fell so fast. I don’t know who I’ve become, I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m scared of time. Of 10 years going by and looking back and still feeling this pit in my stomach. How did I fuck up this bad?

#tw depressing thoughts #self h@rm #ana rant #ana trigger #eating disoder trigger warning #bulimima #mealsp0 #tw self destruction #self mutalition #personal rant

[straykisses220]

When I binge and can physically feel myself growing more fat<<<<

#tw depressing thoughts #self h@rm #ana rant #ana trigger #eating disoder trigger warning #bulimima #mealsp0 #tw self destruction #self mutalition #personal rant

[straykisses220]

#tw depressing thoughts #ana rant #ana trigger #self h@rm #eating disoder trigger warning #bulimima #mealsp0 #tw self destruction #self mutalition #personal rant

[straykisses220]

As human as I am I know you’re gone forever and you’ll never hear my voice again. But that same humanity forces me to believe that is untrue, that your soul is wondering somewhere close by and you can still pick up my cries.

That when I hold your urn to my chest and when my tears drop into it that you’re behind me holding me and my skin is just too thick for your touch to penetrate through.

#tw depressing thoughts #self h@rm #ana rant #ana trigger #eating disoder trigger warning #bulimima #mealsp0 #tw self destruction #self mutalition #personal rant

[straykisses220]

I still wear her moms sweatshirt I borrowed, we haven’t talked since summer.

#tw depressing thoughts #self h@rm #ana rant #ana trigger #eating disoder trigger warning #bulimima #mealsp0 #tw self destruction #self mutalition #personal rant

[straykisses220]

I get high to forget you.

That stopped working a couple weeks ago-

I just miss my best friend man…

#tw depressing thoughts #self h@rm #ana rant #ana trigger #eating disoder trigger warning #bulimima #mealsp0 #tw self destruction #self mutalition #personal rant

[straykisses220]

I need something stronger than weed. Stronger than this agony in my chest.

#tw depressing thoughts #self h@rm #ana rant #ana trigger #eating disoder trigger warning #bulimima #mealsp0 #tw self destruction #self mutalition #personal rant

[straykisses220]

I went for a walk by a bridge.

My sister asked me if I was going to kill myself before I left.

#tw depressing thoughts #self h@rm #ana rant #ana trigger #eating disoder trigger warning #bulimima #mealsp0 #tw self destruction #self mutalition #personal rant

[straykisses220]

Scares are fading and idk if I’m okay with that or if I’m happy

#tw depressing thoughts #self h@rm #tw self destruction #self mutalition #personal rant

[straykisses220]

When I’m sober, I’m sad

#tw depressing thoughts #self h@rm #ana rant #ana trigger #eating disoder trigger warning #bulimima #mealsp0 #tw self destruction #self mutalition #personal rant

[straykisses220]

I just feel like a bloated corpse

#tw depressing thoughts #self h@rm #ana rant #ana trigger #eating disoder trigger warning #bulimima #mealsp0 #tw self destruction #self mutalition #personal rant

[straykisses220]

i don’t know who i am anymore, there’s too many versions of “me”

[straykisses220]

The pain I carry knowing

I’ve ruined my only life.

#tw depressing thoughts #self h@rm #ana rant #ana trigger #eating disoder trigger warning #bulimima #mealsp0 #tw self destruction #self mutalition #personal rant