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sunshinejeonglixie · 8 months

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tags: nsfw, idol x idol, smut but soft (if that makes any sense, like its not real aggressive), virgin han, bi felix, oral (lix receiving), grinding, praise kink, dom felix, sub han, han gets called good boy & pretty boy a lot, uhhh idk what else to tag it i think thats it, its mostly just nice smut

a/n: this is my first time ever writing nsfw so like... it might be shit idk i hope its not that bad tho

!!Everything written here is fiction, not meant to be taken as real life, if anything here makes you uncomfortable please just block & move on!!

!!MINORS DNI!!

"Hannie you gotta just tell him or something, it's not gonna change anything really." said a very tired Chan from the other side of the studio.

Han has spent the last hour telling Chan & Changbin all about his “small” crush on Felix. He calls it small but the other two would definitely say otherwise.

“But hyung what if it changes everything? What if he hates me? Or thinks its gross? What if he doesn’t want to work with me anymore?” Han starts to ramble before Changbin cuts him off.

“Han, it’s Lixie. How bad could it possibly be?”

“It could possibly be very bad.” Han states, completely serious while Chan & Changbin just kind of roll their eyes at him.

“Mate, tell him if you’re going to. If not, then can you at least keep your ramblings about his freckles and muscles to yourself?” Chan asks.

“If I tried that I’d explode… he’s gorgeous and amazing and…” Han continues on getting lost in his ranting about his “small” crush on Felix, because of course he still won’t admit it’s a massive crush at this point.

Chan & Changbin sigh and go back to what they were working on earlier.

Finally, after a couple more hours of work they decide to wrap it up and head home for the night. Han still stuck in his loop of thinking about Felix. Everything about Felix, his hair, his eyes, his laugh, his scent, his body, everything.

When 3racha get home Felix & Hyunjin are in the living room just finishing getting ready for some party a friend of theirs is hosting. Chan & Changbin head to bed immediately, exhausted from all the work they’ve done during the day, but Han is stuck just staring at Felix.

“Take a picture love, it’ll last longer” Felix giggles at him with a wink.

This seems to snap Han out of his staring, and he just blushes and stares at his feet which just causes Felix to laugh more.

“It’s ok I don’t mind if you stare, just means I’ve done a good job.” Felix smirks

“You wanna come with us Hannie?” Hyunjin chimes in

“Oh, uhm no thanks that’s ok” Han says nervously, a party just sounds like a recipe for a panic attack to him, no matter how bad he wants to spend all night with Felix.

“Are you sureee? It’ll be funnn, go meet some people, drink a bit, dance a lot.” Felix says while adding another layer of lip gloss.

“Yeah I’m sure, thanks for the invite though. I hope you guys have a good time!” Han smiles at them as they start to head out the door.

Felix & Hyunjin have always been a bit more involved in the parties than all the other members. Felix even more than Hyunjin, back in Australia he was going to raves & parties almost every night. Now he’s mostly just going out on Fridays and Saturdays but still loves it just as much.

Sometimes Han wishes he could go to some of the parties just for a chance to hang with Felix but the one time he tried to go with them Hyunjin and Felix had to basically carry him out of there because he got so overwhelmed and panicked so fast, so he has since decided it’s best for him to stay home and watch a movie.

Though tonight in particular he just can’t stop thinking about Felix and whoever he’s with at the party. Han knows well that Felix usually ends up going home with someone or bringing someone home with him, Han has always secretly wished it was him. Yet still he claims his crush is “small”.

Finally, Han decides to see who is still awake and walks out into the kitchen to see just Seungmin. The only people that know about his crush are Chan, Changbin, Seungmin, & Lee Know.

“Hi Minnie” Han says, slightly sadly.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Seungmin immediately notices the sad tone of Han’s voice.

“I want to be at that party with Lix.”

“Han they invited you to go with, if you wanted to go why didn’t you take the invite?” Seungmin asks rolling his eyes.

“Seungmin you know I can’t go to those parties.”

“Sorry Hannie, it just is what it is I guess.” Seungmin shrugs

“But I wanna see himmm” Han pouts.

“Dude you live with him. How much more could you see the man??”

“I want to see him always.”

“Gross” Seungmin sticks his tongue out in disgust.

“He is not gross!” Han gasps

“I didn’t say he was gross I said love is gross. Two different things.”

“I don’t love him its just a small crush” Han gets slightly defensive.

“Han. Dude. You spend like every minute of every day thinking about what he’s doing and where he is and what he looks like… Should I go on?”

“I do not…”

“Please don’t lie to me, I’ve been subjected to many of your ramblings about him.”

“Besides, if he was here what would you even do? Or maybe the better question is what do you want to prevent him from doing if you were there?” Seungmin teases

“Minnie don’t tease that’s not nice.”

“Hey, I’m just being honest with you. If he was here you’d just sit on the opposite end of the couch and stare at him all night. You won’t tell him you like him, you won’t make a move, and any time he goes out with anyone else or brings anyone home you just pout. I’m not sure what you want me to do for you man.”

“I’m not asking you to do anything I’m just making you sit here and listen to my complaints.”

“Oh, lucky me” Seungmin says sarcastically.

“Really though Hannie, what do you think would happen if you did tell him you like him? It’s not like he’d be homophobic or anything, we all know he’s been with plenty of guys, girls, whoever. He quite literally has proclaimed himself a ‘bisexual mess’.”

“I’m not worried about that I just think he’d be uncomfortable or something I don’t know what if I ruin everything? At least right now I can sit and stare at him and admire him but if I make him uncomfortable it could mess all that up.”

“I really don’t think it would change anything. I think even if he doesn’t like you like that he’d just move on and continue just fine as friends. Nothing would have to be any different.” Seungmin reassures.

“So, what do you think I should do?”

“That’s not for me to decide. Have a talk with him, just walk up and ask to kiss him, I honestly don’t care what you do just make sure whatever you do is with consent and all that.”

“I just have never done anything like this before” Han says nervously.

Relationship experience is no secret among the members. Everyone has been in some sort of relationship… except Han. It’s not like he’s never had crushes before Felix or anything, He’s just always too nervous to act on them.

“Yeah I know, which is another thing to consider if you act on this thing with Felix. He’s got way more relationship and… other experience than you. Consider what his next action might be and if you’re ready for that.”

“What do you mean?” Han asks, genuinely confused.

Seungmin sighs, realizing he’s going to have to directly spell it out for Han.

“He’s been with a lot of people, and you’ve been with no one. You’ve considered all the negative scenarios that could happen but think about the positive scenarios too. Say he feels the same, are you ready for anything that could come from that?”

“You mean like, he’d want to have sex with me?”

“I mean, not that I want to think about it because that is NOT an image I want in my head but yes Hannie that’s a possibility. Are you ready for that? I mean not that Felix is some sex-crazed person and I’m absolutely positive if you said you weren’t ready he’d wait but just think about it.”

Han honestly hadn’t thought about that. Of course, that was something he had fantasized about but having it as an actual possible reality? Never crossed his mind.

After that point Han & Seungmin’s talk was pretty much over, they wished each other good night and headed off to their rooms since it was almost 1:30am.

Han couldn’t sleep. No matter how hard he tried, he just fantasized about Felix. Anything Felix would do to him.

About an hour after he had gone to his room he heard the front door open and Hyunjin giggling in the living room, obviously sounding pretty drunk. He decided he’d poke his head out the door and make sure they both got home alright. As soon as he opened the door he was met with quite an entertaining sight.

Felix was half carrying Hyunjin & both of their bags, obviously struggling. Han ran to grab the bags from Felix & set them down before getting Hyunjin to bed. They propped him up in his bed, took his shoes & makeup off, set some water & Tylenol on his nightstand, then left him to get some sleep.

“Thanks mate, he overdid it a bit tonight.” Felix laughs

“Yeah no problem... Hopefully he doesn’t feel too bad in the morning.” Han worries

“Oh, he’ll be alright. I’ve been forcing him to eat some snacks and drink some water even with the alcohol, won’t be as bad as it would be without that.”

It’s this point when Han really starts to realize how beautiful Felix looks, his makeup is a bit smeared & he’s sweating from the effort of getting Hyunjin home but still he’s beautiful. He has to forcefully remind himself to stop staring and continue a regular conversation.

“So, no one coming home with you tonight?” Han teases

“Nah, wasn’t too interested in anyone there honestly.” Felix says casually, as if he was talking about shopping.

“Ah… right. Yeah.” Han doesn’t know what to say next until Felix speaks first.

“Speaking of love lives, what about yours? Anyone catching your eye?”

“Oh… uhm no. Not really. Pretty boring.” Han just stares at the floor.

“Liar! I can see it, you’ve got someone you likeee, tell meee.” Felix giggles and teases.

“I can’t” Han almost whispers

“I won’t tell anyone I swear, your secret is safe with me.” Felix holds his hand out for a pinky promise.

Felix starts to pout when Han doesn’t return the pinky promise.

“You really won’t tell me?” he asks, a little sad.

“I just can’t Felix.” Han’s face is bright red, and he just wants to melt into the floor. Of course, his crush is asking him about who his crush is.

“But I won’t tell anyone!” Felix continues to pout.

Finally, Han just gets so nervous and overwhelmed with Felix being so insistent on finding out that he just gets up and walks to his room, tears starting to fall.

“Fuck…” Felix mutters to himself, never meaning to actually upset Han. He was just teasing.

Once Han closes the door to his room he throws himself in his bed and completely buries himself in the covers. He just wants to disappear.

After about 10 minutes there’s a soft knock at the door & Felix’s voice comes through.

“Hannie, I’m really sorry, I won’t bother you about it anymore. I promise. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Felix sounds like he’s almost ready to cry too.

“Can I please come in?” Felix asks.

Han stands up and goes to open the door, tears still quietly running down his face.

As soon as the door is open, and Felix sees Han’s tears he just feels like shit. He genuinely never meant to upset him.

“Oh, honey I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have pushed so far.” Felix apologizes some more while Han walks back to his bed, letting Felix come in and sit at the end of the bed.

“Felix…” Han starts, voice a little shaky.

“Yes love?”

“If I tell you who my crush is, you have to promise not to laugh or be mean or anything.”

“I swear, I won’t laugh or be mean.” Felix puts on a very serious face, showing he really means it.

“My crush… is you.” Han finally admits.

They sit in silence for a second, Felix taking a moment before responding. This felt like forever for Han, not knowing what reaction he was about to get.

“Baby… I know.” Felix softly admits.

“What??” Han is completely shocked, of all the reactions he prepared for this was not one of them.

“It’s not like you’re super discreet about it. I mean you spend half the day staring at me and you look like you’ll melt when I just joke and laugh with you.” Felix kinda giggles before continuing.

“Not to mention the way you freeze, and it looks like your brain has just exploded when I hug you or really even touch you at all.”

Han mentally facepalms, he thought all this time he was so secretive and good at hiding when really Felix knew this whole time.

“When did you figure it out?” Han asks.

“Mmm, probably when we did the LA stadium shows? Whenever we were backstage on the couch, and I put my hand on your thigh, and you almost immediately turned bright red and basically ran out the room saying you needed to go somewhere.” Felix laughs a bit remembering it.

“Don’t laugh at me.” Han pouts

“Oh, honey no I’m not laughing at you, I think it’s adorable.”

“So, you’re not grossed out or uncomfortable or something??”

“No of course not! I actually… have really liked you a long time too I just didn’t want to make you uncomfortable, so I never said anything. I really thought you’d noticed by now.” Felix starts getting a bit shy.

“Wait what!? You like me??” Han feels like his heart and head could explode with all the information and emotions he’s getting all at once.

“Uh yeah?? You never noticed me flirting with you??”

“Felix you’re a very naturally flirty person I figured you just did that to everyone…”

They continue sitting in silence for a second before Felix speaks.

“So. If you like me, and I like you. What do we do about it?”

“I don’t know.” Han genuinely has no idea. He’d never thought this far forward.

Felix grabs his hand and pulls him closer, their faces just inches away from each other before Han reaches out to put his hand on Felix’s chest and gently push him away.

“I’ve never even kissed anyone before Lix…” Han admits.

“That’s okay, we don’t have to if you don’t want to.” Felix comforts

“No, I mean… I want to kiss you I just, don’t know how. And you’ve got like a lot more experience than me. I mean not to say you get around or anything because I wouldn’t say that. I mean of course people do like you though so… you know what I’m going to stop now.” Han says noticing Felix’s soft smile.

“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do Hannie; we can sit here and watch a movie in silence for all I care. All I want is for you to feel safe and comfortable.” Felix rubs the top of Han’s hand with his thumb.

Han, feeling a bit bolder and more comfortable now, decides he’s going to climb into Felix’s lap. He has no plan for after that, but he’ll figure it out when he gets there.

“Hi honey” Felix smiles looking at the boy sitting on him.

“Hi” Han says a little out of breath and nervous already.

“What now?” Felix giggles

“Can I try to kiss you?”

“Of course, baby” Felix continues to laugh a bit at Han’s use of the word “try.”

It’s messy and awkward, Felix has to kind of guide Han through it but once they find a nice rhythm it’s very comfortable. Soon Han pulls away and leans his head on Felix’s shoulder, already slightly out of breath from a mixture of excitement and nervousness.

“You good?” Felix asks after Han has been resting his head on Felix’s shoulder for a little bit.

“Very good.” Han smiles

“I’m glad” Felix smiles wide, happy to just sit and hold Han.

“What now?” Han asks.

“What do you mean?”

“Like what do we do next?”

“Whatever you want baby, we can just sit here like this, or we can go to sleep, or we can watch a movie, or if you want we can go a little farther. But there’s no pressure for anything.” Felix reassures Han that there’s no wrong answer & he’s completely safe.

“Can I kiss you again?”

“Yes love of course.”

This time Han has a little more confidence and tries to lead a little bit, but he just gets so lost, and Felix ends up taking over again.

Then Felix’s hands fall a little lower, going from Han’s waist to rest on his ass, until Han flinches and Felix immediately takes his hands away and starts to apologize.

“I’m sorry honey I should’ve asked first” Felix start to speak quick until Han cuts him off.

“It’s ok I just wasn’t expecting it, I don’t mind it though… you can put them back if you want…” Han says shyly.

“You don’t have to just go along with what I do, if you don’t want me to touch you there I won’t” Felix says, looking into Han’s eyes to make sure he’s really listening to him.

“No really… I want them there.” Han’s cheeks & ears go even more red than they already were, if that were possible.

“Whatever you want.” Felix smirks and puts his hands back where they were.

After another minute or two Felix decides to try and test the waters a little further, pushing his tongue towards Han’s lips, gently as to not startle him but still firm enough that his intentions are obvious.

As soon as Han feels Felix’s tongue he whines, his brain just feeling slightly fuzzy. Without realizing it, he’s grinding his hips against Felix, just trying to get any touch he can.

Felix giggles and pulls away.

“You like that, huh?”

“More please.” Han is becoming desperate for anything Felix will give.

“Are you sure?” Felix really doesn’t want to go too fast or too far before Han is ready.

“Please” Han can only get this one word out while still trying to grind his hips into Felix’s torso.

“Please what?” Felix teases

Han can only whine, mumbling something Felix couldn’t quite catch.

“Baby you have to speak up, use your words please. I can’t help you if I don’t know what you want.”

“Touch me please” Han whispers.

“Baby I’m already touching you; I’ve been holding you here for a while” Felix teases some more, just to see how whiny Han will get.

“You know what I mean…” Han mumbles.

“Mmm I don’t think I do love, you’re gonna have to be more specific.” Felix smirks, knowing exactly what Han wants, but he just wants to make him say it.

Finally, Han gets too impatient, grabs Felix’s hand & places it on his hard dick. Felix starts to laugh immediately.

“Very direct I see.” Felix continues to laugh.

“Stop teasing me” Han whines.

“Alright fine, can I lay you down on the bed?”

Han nods excitedly

“Are you absolutely sure you’re ready for this?” Felix confirms once Han is laid down and comfortable.

Han nods

“Ah ah, use your words please.” Felix says.

Han just whines

“I don’t do anything with anyone until I have verbal consent from them.” Felix sounds very serious now.

“Yes, I am ready.” Han confirms.

“Alright, if you want to be done at any point we can be. You just say the word and we’ll stop immediately. No matter what. Ok?” Felix sounds slightly worried.

“Lix, it’s ok. I trust you.”

Felix’s heart melts a little bit hearing those words but tries to stay focused.

“Alright, what do you want to do? How far are you ready to go?” Felix asks.

“Lixie you ask a lot of questions” Han whines.

“They’re important questions!” Felix pouts

“Ok fine, ask your questions but hurry up please” Han was really starting to get desperate.

“Alright, is there anywhere I’m not allowed to touch you?”

“Don’t grab my feet and we’re fine” Han laughs.

“I wasn’t planning on it” Felix says making a slightly uncomfortable face & giggling.

“I don’t think I’m ready for like… sex.” Han mumbles

“That’s fine, what do you want then?” Felix holds Han’s hands to comfort him.

Han mumbles something completely impossible to understand.

“Hannie baby you gotta speak up. Can’t help you if you don’t speak up.” Felix softly says.

“Wanna use my mouth… on you.” Han whispers so quietly Felix can barely hear him.

This time it’s Felix’s turn to blush & for his ears to turn bright red.

“Are you sure?” Felix asks shyly.

“I’m sure. Want you to show me how…” Han sounds very shaky.

“How many times have you fantasized about that?” Felix teases

Han pulls Felix down from a sitting position to where he’s now laying down in the bed next to Han.

“Please show me.” Han whispers to Felix.

“I will if that’s really what you want to do. You don’t want me to help you out first?” Felix asks while reaching down to rub over Han’s still extremely hard dick.

Han shakes his head and sits up, pulling Felix up with him & directing him to sit on the edge of the bed.

“Hannie if I didn’t know you I wouldn’t believe you’re a virgin with how eager you’re getting here” Felix laughs.

“Just because I’ve never done anything doesn’t mean I haven’t thought about it…” Han mumbles just loud enough for it to be understandable.

“Alright alright, you’re absolutely positive you want to do this?” Felix asks for the millionth time.

“Lix. If you ask me one more time if I’m sure I’m standing up, walking out, & taking care of things myself.” Han jokes

“I just want to make sure you’re comfortable!” Felix whines

Han leans in to kiss Felix, becoming significantly more comfortable with it now.

“Alright show me what to do Lix.” Han demands.

“Mkay, if you’re gonna have me sit on the edge of the bed you gotta get on the floor. On your knees pretty boy.” Felix directs.

Han whines at being called pretty boy while making his way onto his knees on the floor.

“oo, you like that? You like when I call you a pretty boy?” Felix laughs as Han whines again while nodding.

“You’re my pretty boy, such a good boy. So eager to please.” Felix continues while Han’s brain just becomes more and more fuzzy feeling with every word.

“Wanna be a good boy just for you” Han says, becoming slightly out of breath again.

“You’re doing so good already honey” Felix says while pulling both his pants & underwear off.

Han swears he could feel himself actually drooling when he sees Felix without any bottoms on. He just completely focuses on staring at Felix’s dick, everything else is a blur to him.

“You stare a lot Hannie.” Felix teases, snapping Han out of his little trance.

“Big.” Han states.

“Nah, average.” Felix corrects before continuing.

“You think I’m big you’d die at some of the guys I’ve seen.”

Han shifts awkwardly on the floor, not knowing exactly what to do now. Thankfully Felix notices quickly and gives him some more direction.

“Alright scoot a little closer. I’m gonna tell you now, this is never easy the first time. You’ll probably take a few times to get a good feel of what to do and what works for you.”

Once Han is scooted close enough, Felix gives some more direction.

“Make sure you try your best to keep your teeth out of the way, no one wants teeth on their dick.”

“Right yea… what next?” Han asks eagerly.

“Usually, I start with some kissing up the thighs, kinda work my way up there rather than just going straight in.”

As soon as Felix tells him that, Han starts experimenting with some soft kisses up Felix’s thighs. This immediately makes Felix gasp softly, trying to keep focusing on giving Han some more instructions.

“So, once you’ve- ah- made your way up- mmmm” Felix completely loses his train of thought with Han continuing to kiss his thighs.

Felix clears his throat and tries to speak again.

“Once you’ve made your way up, you can try licking the tip just a bit, suck on it a bit, don’t try and take everything all at once.” Felix instructs.

Han starts to give little licks, just at the very tip, still feeling a little unsure. He gains a bit of confidence hearing Felix groan at the feeling.

“Good?” Han asks, looking for some praise or direction.

“So good. My pretty boy doing so good for me.” Felix’s voice starts to get a little shaky just from this.

Han whines at the praise, starting to grind himself up against Felix’s leg.

“You’re really so desperate for my praise huh? Just want my approval?” Felix teases

Han nods, starting to suck at the tip a little more, becoming more comfortable.

“Whenever you’re ready you can take more, don’t go to fast and don’t take more than what is comfortable.” Felix tells him.

Han gets just a bit too eager, goes a little faster than he should’ve even after hearing Felix’s warning and gags. He pulls away a little startled, coughing just a bit while Felix laughs.

“Honey I told you to go slow, that’s why. Don’t force yourself.”

After taking a second to breathe Han tries again, much slower this time.

“God you look so pretty” Felix groans.

Every bit of praise Felix gives Han gets a whine and more of him grinding his hips into Felix’s leg.

“Desperate for touch huh honey?” Felix asks.

Han whines and nods, making his way as far down as he can before he hits his limit.

“Don’t take more than you can love, gimme your hand, let me show you.” Felix says, reaching a hand out for Han’s.

Felix grabs Han’s hand and wraps it around the bottom of his dick where Han’s mouth can’t quite reach comfortably.

“Holy shit…” Felix moans, trying not to lift his hips and overwhelm Han.

After about another minute Han pulls off to breathe

“Good?” he asks, still catching his breath, looking up at Felix with his soft eyes and long eyelashes.

“So good. You’re so good for me my baby.” Felix says, running his hand through Han’s hair.

“Wanna make you cum” Han says, eyes almost unfocused and brain fuzzy from the pleasure.

“God keep saying stuff like that and looking that way and I’ll cum just from your words.”

Han leans back in to put his mouth back on Felix, taking him in much faster than before now that he’s gotten more used to the feeling.

The sudden feeling of Han’s mouth back on his dick causes Felix to grab his hair and pull a bit before letting go, nervous that he did something wrong.

“Sorry baby I shouldn’t have done that without asking.” Felix apologizes, panicked.

“Do it again” Han says after quickly pulling off of Felix.

Felix grabs a handful of Han’s hair again, fulfilling his wishes.

“Harder” Han whines

“Baby are you sure?” Felix asks softly.

“Please…”

Felix pulls a little harder and gets a loud moan out of Han.

“Shit, you really love that don’t you pretty boy?”

“Love it so much.” Han pants.

“What else do you want me to honey? Let me help you too.”

Han climbs back into Felix’s lap without any words, making Felix laugh again.

“Baby you have to use your words. How can I help you?”

“Can’t…” Han whispers, embarrassed.

“Love how am I supposed to make you feel good if I don’t know what will do it?”

“Want you to touch me here…” Han says grabbing Felix’s hands and placing them on his chest.

“Good boy, I’ll make you feel good as long as you tell me what you want.” Felix says while playing with Han’s nipples over his shirt.

Immediately he gets a big reaction out of Han, loud moans and squirming at the smallest touch.

“Want it off” Han whines, pulling at his shirt to get Felix’s hands closer.

“We can do that, want me to do it pretty boy?”

Han nods rapidly, lifting his arms up.

“So enthusiastic, so eager to please…” Felix groans

Once Han’s shirt is off he’s pulling at Felix’s too, wanting to see all of him.

“Mine too? You just can’t get enough huh?” Felix teases before taking off his shirt too.

Quickly Felix goes back to playing with Han’s nipples, making him whine and moan louder than before.

After a second Han hides his face on Felix’s shoulder, trying to muffle his sound.

“Don’t hide, wanna hear you babe.” Felix says, pulling Han’s hair to get him out of hiding.

“They’ll hear…” Han whispers.

“Let them hear, want everyone to know how good you feel. How good you’re being for me.”

Han moans again just at Felix’s words, grinding his hips harder into Felix’s.

“Close…” Han whines

“Let it go baby, you’re doing so well.” Felix has a hand on Han’s chest and a hand rubbing him through his sweats.

These things combined and Felix’s words added to it made Han finally go over the edge, orgasm hitting him hard. Loud moans and whines, all his weight falling onto Felix.

“Good, did so good for me baby.” Felix says, talking Han through the wave of pleasure and rubbing a hand through his hair.

Han feels like he’s dreaming, laying in Felix’s lap with the best pleasure of his life, all things he’s only felt in his fantasies.

“How do you feel love?” Felix asks, bringing Han back to reality.

“So nice…” Han whispers

“I’m glad honey.” Felix smiles, pulling Han closer into a hug.

Getting closer to Felix, Han feels Felix’s still hard dick under him. Realizing he never got to cum.

“Wanna help you” Han whispers.

“No baby don’t worry about me. You already did so good my love.”

“Want to. Please let me…” Han asks.

“Ok, back on your knees honey.” Felix says.

Han quickly climbs back onto his knees, legs slightly sore from the position but he barely even notices with how fuzzy his head still feels.

He immediately gets his mouth back on Felix, more enthusiastic than before even.

“Good boy, make sure you take it slow still, don’t overwhelm yourself.”

Han decides he’ll try something and circles his tongue right around the tip of Felix’s dick and twisting his hand around the base of it. This gets a super loud moan from Felix and his hips buck up into Han’s mouth, making Han gag.

“Do that again” Felix growls, his eyes looking much darker now.

Han does it again and gets an even more intense reaction from Felix.

“So close baby” Felix says, trying to pull Han off so he doesn’t get too overwhelmed when Felix lets go.

“Wanna taste you” Han mumbles after pulling off for a second.

“Fuck… if that’s what you want then you can.” Felix says, throwing his head back to focus on the feeling of Han’s mouth.

Another flick of Han’s tongue and a twist of his hand and Felix is releasing into Han’s mouth.

“Yes. Good boy. So good.” Felix growls.

Han pulls off, leaving his mouth open with Felix’s cum on his tongue.

“Fuck that’s so hot. You’re so hot.” Felix groans

Han swallows, making a face when he does.

“Doesn’t taste good…” he says

“Baby you didn’t have to swallow it, I tried to tell you not to taste it.” Felix laughs

“Thought it would be better” Han giggles.

“Come on love, lets get you cleaned up.” Felix says, pulling Han off the floor to walk to the bathroom.

Felix gets Han into the bathroom and gets a shower going, pulling his shorts & underwear off of him.

“Made such a mess pretty boy” Felix teases, seeing the cum in Han’s shorts.

“Felt good” Han mumbles.

“I’m glad baby.”

They take a shower together, getting cleaned up and just feeling close to one another before going to lay down.

“How are you feeling love?” Felix asks, holding Han close in bed.

“Like I’m dreaming…” Han answers.

“Me too honey, I never thought I’d get this.” Felix laughs

They lay together for a bit, in a comfortable silence before Han finally drifts off to sleep.

The next morning, they wake up hearing Lee Know cooking in the kitchen.

“What do we tell them? Should we just keep it a secret for now?” Han asks.

“I think we’ll wait a couple days before we say anything.” Felix says.

“That’s fine with me. Let’s go see what hyung is making for breakfast, I’m starving.” Han agrees.

The second they walk out into the kitchen they’re met with stares from the other members before Lee Know speaks up.

“It’s about god damn time.” He laughs.

“What?” Han asks.

“We’ve all been waiting what, a year and a half for you two to figure it out?” Lee Know teases.

“You could’ve kept it down a little bit though, just because we all know doesn’t mean we need to know” Seungmin says.

At this both Han and Felix’s faces turn bright red, eyes down at the floor and moving on by grabbing breakfast for themselves. Neither one were entirely sure where they were going from here but both were extremely happy to have each other.

#stray kids #skz #stray kids fanfic #writing #fanfic #nsfw #skz nsfw #skz smut #stray kids smut #lee felix #han jisung #bi felix #idol x idol

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sunshinejeonglixie · 8 months

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me rn i have too many ideas and no words for any of them

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sunshinejeonglixie · 8 months

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sunshinejeonglixie · 9 months

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SKZ When you have a panic attack

tags: sfw, gender neutral reader, panic attacks mentioned but not described, fluffy comforting skz, could be platonic or romantic whatever you interpret tbh

a/n: i have pretty severe anxiety struggles & skz music + content always comforts me so i thought this was a cute idea to write

!!Everything written here is fiction, not meant to be taken as real life, if anything here makes you uncomfortable please just block & move on!!

Chan

dad mode

nothing will convince me he doesn’t have some sort of fidget toy bag in his backpack for the members or himself & he’ll let you use them too

snacks & water

hoodies for you to hide in

Lee Know

cat pictures for comfort

how can you panic when his cats are so cute?

good at creating distractions

wanna hear about the new choreo he’s making to take your mind off of whatever you’re stressed about? You best bet you’re getting every single detail.

will make your comfort food later to show his love

Changbin

strong hugs

he is loud always but if you need a minute of silence he has never been so quiet

literally will do anything you need from him, would get the moon if that’s what you needed to feel calm and safe again

wanna snuggle with his munchlax plushie gyu? hell yea you can

Hyunjin

also a hugger like Changbin but much softer

humming & singing to give you something else to listen to and focus on

plays with your hair (even if its not that long or anything)

lets you sit and just play with his hands (this sounds so calming to me so this is literally just something I want lmao)

Han

oh boy this man is like the number one panic attack comforter out there

understands how you feel and just wants to listen to whatever you need

will share his national geographic videos and facts with you

also has a bag of fidget toys like Chan

Felix

literal sunshine put into a human

counting his freckles as a grounding technique (another thing I just think would calm me during my panic attacks lmao)

brownies, cookies, other baked goods for comfort

deep voice humming (sounds so comforting omg)

Seungmin

also letting you borrow his hoodies like Chan

just holds you (like this man is not a huge physical affection kinda guy but for you he is the biggest softie & always hugging or holding hands)

will lend you his puppy plushie like Changbin will lend you gyu

I.N

the biggest smiles to try and cheer you up

lets you pinch & poke his cheeks

hand holding

will sing your fave songs for you

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sunshinejeonglixie · 9 months

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ayo finally finished a fic that should've been done 2 days ago lmaoo good job me

i had it like 97% done 2 days ago then just lost all motivation but it's finished now even if i'm not entirely sure how much i like it but whatever

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sunshinejeonglixie · 9 months

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Only You

tags: sfw, gender neutral reader, !!eating disorder!!, sad but comfort (if that even makes sense, like its sad but changbin makes it better), supportive helpful bf changbin

description: reader struggles with an eating disorder after comparing themselves to the other idols changbin is around all the time, he comes in and takes care of them and gets them back into a more positive mindset and healthier habits

a/n: i'd been thinking recently about how much i love changbin & his health positivity and how much he preaches a "take care of yourself don't worry about the amount of food" kind of mindset and i just love it so much so then this idea came to mind. anyways, y'all please take care of yourselves please know that your health is so much more important than any number, any looks, anything & you are so loved just the way you are.

!!Everything written here is fiction, not meant to be taken as real life, if anything here makes you uncomfortable please just block & move on!!

“Only down 4 more pounds?” you whisper to yourself, staring at the scale in front of you.

Every week you check, and every week there is more disappointment.

Over the past 2 months you’ve lost about 5 or 6 pounds a week, trying more and more to get that number to go up. You’d wanted it to be more, trying more to get past a certain mark. Only having one light meal each day and working out more than you should. Is it a healthy thing? No, and you know that. But it’s what needs to be done in your mind.

This habit started after you went to music shows with your boyfriend, Changbin, more often recently. You’d seen some of the other idols, admired them, saw how everyone loved them and chased after them. Consistently complimented their bodies and their looks. You’re not sure why it got to you so much, it’s not like anyone said anything bad to you, you just wanted people to see you that way too. Maybe if you lost weight, they would look at you like that, treat you that way too, you thought.

You decided from that point you’d cut down on the amount of food you eat and increase time at the gym with Changbin. You’d already been going with him pretty regularly, so the increase wasn’t too suspicious or anything. The difficult part was hiding the fact you weren’t eating more than a small meal each day. Changbin was very attentive, especially with food. Always trying to get you to try new things, share his food with you, and make sure you were well taken care of.

You’d been able to brush him off a bit, which you felt a bit bad about if you’re being honest, and just convince him you were already full or didn’t want to try what he was offering. You’d hoped he wasn’t catching on, but you started to wonder if maybe he noticed more than he let on. When you’d have food together he always started by trying to feed you first, trying to get you to have a little more, things like that.

Your secrets and plans all came crashing down in one day. It started in the morning with you going over to the dorms to hang out with the members, at this point they weren’t just his friends they were yours too. Lee Know had made a special breakfast and immediately brought you some to try. The look on his face when you told him you didn’t want any definitely made your heart sting a bit, he always showed his love through providing for others so when his friend didn’t want any it hurt him a bit, even if he tried to hide it.

“Changbin already headed off to the gym y/n” I.N says through a mouthful of food.

“Don’t talk with your mouth full” Lee Know scolds.

“Thanks Innie, I was actually coming here to hang out with you guys though.” You smile.

“ooo, come with us to dance today?” Felix asks.

“I don’t have any dance clothes with me. I’ll watch though!” you explain, trying to make any excuse to get out of it just in case it could reveal any of your bad habits.

“You can borrow some of mine if you want.” Felix smiles at you, always a helper.

“Oh… yeah alright I’ll go then.” You start to become nervous, damn Felix and his consistently helpful nature.

They all smile, glad to have an extra friend coming with them today. You can’t help but become a bit nervous though, show any signs of weakness or any of the habits you’ve created, and they’ll all know.

After everyone is done with breakfast you all get ready for dance and head off to the company. You in some shorts of yours you found in Changbin’s room and one of Felix’s T-shirts he let you borrow.

Once you get to the company some of the other members meet you there, all of them except Changbin and Chan are there, they were running late after finishing at the gym.

You all started warming up, stretching so there wouldn’t be any injuries. Lee Know decides they’ll just start without Changbin and Chan for a bit and they can catch up later. They ask you to fill in one of the spots since you know almost every Stray Kids choreography.

Everything is going fine for a bit, you’re tired and it’s hard since you’ve not eaten anything to keep your energy up today but it’s fine. You can work through it you think.

That is until you start to get a fuzzy feeling, the room starts to spin. You try to step to the side and sit down but it’s too late. You pass out and hit the ground, hard.

Of course, everyone immediately becomes super concerned. Lee Know stopping practice and taking charge, telling Felix to find out where Changbin is and having I.N run downstairs to the medical office in the company.

You’re not out for long, 5 minutes maybe, but that feels like an eternity to the panicked boys.

As soon as you start to wake up you see the JYP nurse sitting on one side of you, Lee Know on the other, and Felix running back in with Changbin and Chan directly behind him.

“Hyung what happened?” Changbin asks Lee Know

“We were doing dance practice and they just dropped, we’re not sure.” Lee Know explains, moving out of the way for Changbin to take his spot sitting next to you.

“Baby what happened? Are you ok?” Changbin takes your hand, almost in tears with worry.

All of it is very overwhelming. Your whole body filled with panic, knowing that you’ll have to explain something and that all your unhealthy habits will be revealed. Everyone is watching you with concern, not sure how to respond to anything.

“All your vitals are ok, have you had anything to eat within the past 24 hours?” the nurse asks.

“Um…” you hesitate, knowing you need to tell the truth, but at the same time ashamed of the truth.

“No. I haven’t.” you stare at the floor, not willing to look at anyone around you, feeling they’re all going to be disappointed.

“I imagine that’s the problem then. Have a good meal, get some rest, and you should be ok. Don’t do any more intense physical activity without proper amounts of food and water.” The nurse scolds before packing up her things and tells you to come visit her if you have any more issues.

You nod, tears filling your eyes, no words to explain the feelings going through your body right now.

“Nothing in the past 24 hours?” Changbin whispers

You can’t bear to listen to his disappointment. Before anyone can react you push yourself off the floor and walk out the door.

Back in the practice room everyone has different levels of shock and confusion. No one knows how to react until Lee Know speaks up.

“Well go talk to them, aren’t you going to?” He looks at Changbin.

“Yeah, right, of course I am.” Changbin stands up, following Lee Know’s instructions, as if he hadn’t even had a full thought until Lee Know said that.

Changbin walks out of the practice room, walking down the hall to find you sitting at the top of the stairs, crying.

“I know you’re mad, you don’t have to tell me.” You say before he can even get a word out.

“I’m not mad.” He says while sitting down next to you and grabbing your hand.

“Yes you are, I made a stupid decision and got myself hurt because of it. You have every right to be mad.”

“I’m not mad.” He repeats before continuing.

“I’m concerned as hell, but I’m not mad.”

“You should be mad.” You say through more tears.

“No. I shouldn’t be, and I’m not.” Changbin says, trying not to cry just from seeing you struggle.

“y/n when was the last time you had a meal? A real full meal?”

“Tuesday evening when we had dinner together.” You mutter, almost quiet enough he’s not sure he heard correctly.

“Baby it’s Thursday morning. Have you had any sort of snacks or anything since then?” he asks, growing more and more worried.

“I had a piece of toast yesterday morning.”

Changbin is speechless, trying to find the right words.

“We need to get you something to eat baby.” He says, standing up.

You nod, knowing he’s right but still too nervous to look at him.

“Lee Know always keep snacks in his backpack, I could get those from him and then come back and we can talk more before we go get lunch?” He asks.

You shake your head; you don’t need everyone to know everything yet.

“I can’t tell them… they’ll be mad too.” You whisper.

“Baby I won’t tell them anything you don’t want them to know. They won’t be mad at you, just like I’m not mad at you. We’re all just worried.”

“I wanna go home.” You cry, grabbing his hand to pull him back next to you.

“Ok, we can go home. I’ll take you home, we can order some lunch to be delivered, and we’ll talk.” Changbin says, wrapping his arms around you.

He picks you up off the floor, holding you in his arms before setting you back on your feet.

“I’ll go get our stuff and then we can go, yeah?” He asks.

You nod and let him go to walk back to the practice room.

Once he walks back into the practice room, he’s met with a mixture of many different things. Questions, worries, and even some tears from a worried Hyunjin.

“Is everything ok?” Felix asks.

“I’m working on it; I’m just coming to get our stuff and then we’re going home for the day.” He explains.

“We’ll keep working here, we’ll stay out of the dorm for a while so you can talk.” Chan says.

“Thanks, hyung, coming back around dinner time is fine.”

He takes both of your guys’ bags and heads back out to you, grabbing your hand and taking you home.

The walk home is hard, both mentally and physically. The exhaustion is still getting to you and mentally your brain won’t stop moving. Once you guys get back to the dorms Changbin leaves your stuff in his room and brings you to sit at the table, quickly ordering food to be delivered.

“How long have you been doing this?” Changbin asks.

“A bit over 2 months…” you admit, no point in lying to him about it now.

Changbin’s heart shatters into a million pieces at this point, his baby has been feeling this way and not taking care of themselves all this time and he didn’t know.

“I’d noticed you’d lost weight, but I thought it was just because you’d been coming to the gym with me so much.” He says, his voice filled with guilt.

“Binnie you couldn’t have noticed.”

“What changed? What made you start feeling this way?”

This question brings more tears, knowing you’re going to have to tell him the truth and confess all the terrible thoughts you’ve been having is hard.

“When I went to the music shows with you, I saw everyone there and how good they looked and how much everyone complimented them… I figured if I lost weight, looked like them, maybe I’d be better for you. People would look at me like that too.” You confess.

“But you’re so beautiful baby, you don’t need to be like them. Especially not for me. I chose you; I didn’t choose them. I chose you because I want you exactly as you are.” He comforts.

“But you’re so perfect Binnie, and I’m just-“ you start before he cuts you off.

“Don’t you dare say anything negative. You’re absolutely beautiful and amazing and I love you so much. I’m not perfect, no one is, but that’s ok. I don’t need you to be perfect I need you to be healthy and safe, I need you to be you.” He says before pulling you from your seat at the table into his lap in his seat.

Instinctively you hold yourself up a bit, not relaxing all your body onto him. He immediately notices this and pulls you closer before speaking.

“Relax, don’t hold your weight off of me, you’re so gorgeous.”

“I’m too heavy Bin” you mumble.

“No, you are not, I lift more than this in the gym every day.”

“I was gaining too much before.”

“Baby no you were not, you were gaining whatever your body needed. Healthy bodies aren’t always tiny and that’s ok. That’s still beautiful.”

His words really do bring lots of comfort, even if you don’t fully believe him yet. Finally, you hear a knock at the door and the food is delivered.

“Let me make your plate for you please.” He asks, and you nod. Knowing it’s probably for the best.

He sets a plate down in front of you, not an overwhelming amount of food, but enough.

“When you’re finished with that if you’re still hungry there’s more.” He says

“Thank you Binnie.”

“Anything for my baby.”

After you guys eat, and he very closely monitors all that you ate, you guys decide to watch a movie to take your minds off the stress of the day.

Once the movie is over he tells you that you guys need to create a plan. One day of talking isn’t the end of this and you both know it.

“I want you to stay here for a while.” he asks, wanting to be able to keep an eye on you when needed.

“Binnie this is so much farther from work I can’t walk all that way.” You remind him.

“You can take my car; I’ll walk to work or take Lee Know’s car when I need it.”

“Alright. I’ll need to get a lot of stuff from my apartment if I’m gonna be here a while.”

“That’s fine, I’ll make space in my closet, and we can go pick stuff up tonight.” He agrees before continuing.

“I don’t want you eating by yourself for a bit.”

“Binnie I can eat a meal by myself.” You say.

“Love, please, just for some peace of mind. I want you to eat with me, the members, your family, your friends, someone just for a while. I need to make sure you’re actually eating.”

You understand where he’s coming from, agreeing that it’s probably a good idea.

“Anything else?” You ask.

“Not at the moment, if I think of something else I’ll come to you.” He says.

“I appreciate your concern Binnie.”

“I just love you so much baby I have to take care of you.”

Later that evening the rest of the members return from the JYP building, by that point you’d fallen asleep in Changbin’s room, exhausted from the day’s events.

Changbin walks out to greet the members, asking what they got done during dance practice.

“Absolutely nothing.” Lee know says with a slight irritation in his voice

“Where’s y/n?” Felix asks Changbin.

“In my room sleeping.”

“Are they ok?” Hyunjin asks, stress still in his face.

“They’re fine, we’ll talk about it later. Why didn’t you guys get any work done?”

“Why do you think?” Chan laughs

“You guys didn’t have to spend the whole day stressing I have it under control” Changbin is thankful they worry about you like he does but also worried they didn’t get any work done all day.

“I tried telling them that but apparently I ‘don’t know shit’ according to Han & Felix” Lee Know says with an eye roll.

“Hyunggg we said we were sorry for saying that” Felix whines.

“Yeahhh we were just worried we didn’t mean it.” Han agrees.

“Whatever I’m not really offended but don’t you people think that if something was a major emergency that Changbin couldn’t handle he would ask for our help??” Lee Know says, sounding like this is a point he’s made about a thousand times today.

“Let it go. We’ll get stuff done tomorrow.” Chan says before anyone can reply to Lee Know.

Slowly you wake up after hearing the voices in the living room, worried about what everyone has to say, but glad they’re home. You’d felt a little bad basically kicking them out of their house for the day. You decide to just get it over with and head out there, any questions you can’t answer or anything that becomes too overwhelming can be taken on by Changbin. He’d already promised he’d help you talk to them.

As soon as you walk out the bedroom door you’re met with smiles and hellos from everyone.

“Hi baby, did you sleep well?” Changbin asks, coming over to hug you.

“mhm, your bed is so comfy.”

The silence from everyone is a bit awkward for a second, no one knows quite what to say until Lee Know walks into the kitchen to do dishes which seem to unfreeze everyone, and they all move to do their own things.

The next couple days are slightly stressful, having to explain what happened to everyone and Changbin recruiting them to what he calls the “y/n protection squad”. When you asked what he was protecting you from he responded very seriously with “your brain” which made you giggle.

There’s always someone there with you when you have a meal, even if you both just eat next to each other while you do separate things, there’s always someone making sure you actually eat the meal. It’s not easy at first, getting back to eating more than one meal a day is a slow process, so your body doesn’t react too weirdly to it. The first day you ate more than 2 meals a day you got a stomachache for the rest of the day, so you’ve decided it’s gonna be a slower process.

It's also a difficult process because of the stress and anxiety you still feel eating “so much” even though it’s a healthy amount. Changbin has forbidden use of the scale for a while, just to keep your mind off the numbers and back on the health side of it.

“Numbers on a scale have nothing to do with how you feel or what your body needs” he reminds you when you think of weighing yourself again.

It’s nearly a year before your eating habits are more stable and healthier again, and even at that point you can still have some rocky moments. Over that year you’ve gone back to those bad habits twice, always saved and pulled back by Changbin and the other members. You still eat with someone else for about 95% of your meals, not because Changbin tells you to anymore but because he was right, it really does bring you comfort and help you finish a meal without panicking too much about it.

One of the biggest struggles came when they had another comeback, and you went back to the music shows with them. Changbin told you he’d understand if you didn’t want to go but that you were more than welcome to come. Seeing some of the other idols talking about their diets and how much they’ve lost really sent you into a bit of a panic.

You’d walked back to the Stray Kids dressing room in tears, just looking for anyone to try and pull you out. You found the whole group there, immediately you grabbed on to Changbin, explaining what had happened.

“Honey don’t worry about them and what they’re doing, ok? You do what’s healthy for you and your body. You’re so gorgeous and beautiful and I’m so proud of how hard you’re working to take care of yourself.”

“Why are you with me when you could have any of them? They’re better, prettier, smarter-“ you start to ramble before Changbin cuts you off.

“I don’t want any of them. I want you. Only you. You are special, I love you because of who you are. I don’t want you to be like them, if I wanted someone like them I’d find them. I found you because I want you.” He says before continuing.

“And for the record I think you’re the most gorgeous smartest best person in the world so don’t you dare say they’re better than you.”

He holds you close running a hand up and down your back. His words are comforting and reassuring. It makes you realize that he’s right, there’s a reason he chose you and not anyone else.

“Thank you Binnie, I love you” you say, hiding your face in his chest. Slightly embarrassed to let your insecurities get the best of you in front of everyone.

“There’s no reason to thank me baby, I will tell you these things every day until my last breath if it’s what you need to understand that I love you and you’re perfect the way you are.”

“I don’t mean to interrupt but we gotta get going soon.” Chan says before everyone starts to grab their stuff from around the room.

Once everyone is packed up and ready to go you all head out to vans to go back to the dorms. The whole ride home you just think about how loved you feel. Not just by Changbin but by all the members, of course their love is in a different way than Changbin’s but it’s still love. The amount of time, energy, and effort they’ve put into helping you all this time makes you feel so good. It’s a long road to being ok, and it’s ok to not be ok, just knowing you can ask for help and that they’ll be here to catch you when you fall is enough.

#stray kids #fanfic #stray kids fanfic #skz #writing #sfw #changbin #seo changbin #skz fanfic #skz imagines #skz x reader

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sunshinejeonglixie · 9 months

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i feel like i have so many writing ideas but also none at the same time and its so frustrating lmaoo

like i have ideas for ot8 things i could write but i have ideas for like 6 members but can't think of anything for 2 of them then i come up with a new idea that works for those 2 but i run into the same problem of not being able to come up with anything for a couple members

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sunshinejeonglixie · 9 months

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almost done with another fic and then i got even more ideas?? hell yea for meeee i feel so coollll

hopefully gonna be able to get this fic & 1 or two more out before bed bc we speed writing some short stuff tonight

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sunshinejeonglixie · 9 months

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i have too many thoughts and ideas idk what to write next omg

i'm literally just staring at a blank word doc rn trying to decide what to write in it like i've got like 4 different ideas all at once and they're all fun ideasss aaaaaa

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sunshinejeonglixie · 9 months

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ok i take back what i said about posting a 3rd thing tonight, it's still possible that i do that however i'm getting sucked back into reading more than writing for a bit so the chances of a 3rd post are smaller lmaoo

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sunshinejeonglixie · 9 months

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me actually getting around to writing?? shocking i know. 2 things posted in one day and I'm even starting on a third thing rn which I miiiight be able to finish and post before I go to bed tonight. maybe. depends on how detailed and wrapped up in it i get lmao i can write thousands of words in a couple hours if really get a good writing rhythm.

#fanfic #writing #skz fanfic #stray kids fanfic

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sunshinejeonglixie · 9 months

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Coming Out - Bang Chan

tags: sfw, nonbinary reader, afab reader, coming out, anxiety, bang chan x reader, lots of comfort & softness from Chan, all around just sweet and wholesome even with the anxiety

a/n: I was gonna write all 8 parts of this into one post and just have it be a "coming out to skz as nonbinary" post but then I got halfway through this and decided it would be far too long to put them all in one so we're starting with Chan and going from there. I'll finish all 8 at some point (not tonight but probably within the next couple weeks all the parts will be done)

!!Everything written here is fiction, not meant to be taken as real life, if anything here makes you uncomfortable please just block & move on!!

You and Chan were a great couple, you’d been together for a little over 3 years now & everything was perfect. But then you started questioning your gender and in your mind everything came crashing down. After about 4 months of thinking and questioning, you’ve finally come to terms with the fact that you’re nonbinary.

You had no idea what Chan would think or what to tell him. You knew that he accepts lgbtq+ people of course, you both had multiple friends that were part of the community, but that doesn’t mean he’d still be interested in dating you. Your brain was just too full of all the what ifs. Everything that could change if you told him how you felt.

Finally, you decided to just rip the band-aid off and tell him. He needed to know. This was something important about you and you were honestly getting even more nervous the longer you waited so you needed to get it over with.

You picked a day when he wasn’t going to be super busy, and you had the day off so you could go over to the studio during his lunch break. You picked up your favorite food on the way, hoping it could bring you some comfort and calm your nerves. The walk up the stairs of the JYP building was extremely nerve-wracking, you almost turned back about 4 times before you finally got to the right floor. Taking a deep breath, you slowly opened the studio door to find 3racha hanging out in there, an unexpected sight since Chan said he was working alone today.

“Ah! y/n!” Han smiles & waves

“Hey y/n!” Changbin leans around Han to wave as well.

“My baby!” Chan giggles, excited to see you.

“oooh, food for us?” Han reaches out to the bag in your hand.

“uhh no sorry guys, I only bought for Channie & I. I didn’t know you’d be here too.”

Han pouts but accepts it and moves back to where he was.

“We were actually getting ready to head out for lunch anyways” Changbin says, packing up his backpack and telling Han to grab his stuff too.

“We’ll work on it more later, yeah?” Chan asks as they walk out the door, both of them nod and head on their way.

As soon as the other boys are gone you’re reminded why you came here and the nerves set in again, trying to force your whole body not to start shaking.

“what’s wrong?” Chan asks, immediately sensing your anxiety.

Your mind races, no words come out and you can’t even think of a real sentence to start this conversation. Before you know it tears are falling from your eyes and Chan is pulling you into his lap in his chair, holding you close.

“Hey, take a deep breath, what’s going on? Talk to me please” Chan speaks softly.

You take a deep breath before finally just letting it all spill out.

“I feel like I’m not a girl and I know you probably hate me and want to break up so I should probably just go.” You ramble while trying to climb out of his lap, expecting him to push you out any second.

“Woah what?” Chan says before taking a second to process all that information you just threw at him.

Finally, he finds the right words to respond, pulling you back into his lap fully while you continue to cry.

“How long have you been holding all that in?” is the first question he asks, face and voice filled with concern.

“Like… 4 months probably” you hang your head, feeling slightly guilty you kept it from him all this time.

Hearing that, Chan’s heart breaks. The idea that you’ve been struggling all alone and feeling like you can’t come to him all that time makes him hurt.

“I understand if you want to break up Channie…” you say, not knowing what to do with his silence.

“What?! No! Why would I want to break up?” He genuinely sounds confused.

“Because you like girls… and I’m not that.”

“Baby no I love you for you. If you feel like you’re not comfortable as a girl then it’s my job to take care of you the best I can and help you.”

You melt at his words, just curling into him closer. So thankful that he’s not upset with you and doesn’t want to leave you. After a bit of silence and just trying to settle your anxiety, Chan speaks up.

“Do you want to use different pronouns?”

“I would prefer to use they/them pronouns.”

“What do I call you now? Like not my girlfriend anymore but what do you want instead?”

“I haven’t thought about it much, I think just partner is fine.”

“Are you wanting to change your name?”

“No, I’m ok with it now.”

Chan pauses, thinking of more questions that could be important.

“Should I just say baby now instead of baby girl?”

“Yeah I’d like that” you get a little shy, just loving that he loves you so much and cares about how to make you comfortable.

He pauses again, obviously thinking about something.

“What is it Channie?”

“Earlier this week, I called you a good girl when we were uhm yaknow…” he trails off, ears red with embarrassment.

“Channie just say it please” giggling and rolling your eyes about how he has no shame when you guys actually have sex but afterwards he can’t even say what you did without looking like he’s going to burst into flames from embarrassment.

“You know what I mean. But when I said that you kinda like, zoned out or something. Took a second to get you back in the moment I mean. Is this why?”

“Yeah…” You feel bad because you really do love the praise, just not the gendered portion of it.

He sighs, disappointed in himself more than anything. He never wants to make you feel uncomfortable so knowing he did, and he didn’t even think much about it makes him mad at himself.

Noticing his sadness, you try to comfort him a bit.

“Channie there’s no way you could’ve known it would make me uncomfortable you say that all the time, how are you supposed to suddenly know?”

“I should’ve noticed babe; I’ve been your boyfriend for 3 years I should be able to tell when something’s changed.”

He pulls you even closer, if that’s even possible at this point with how tight he’s holding you, and just takes a deep breath before talking again.

“Shit I probably sound like this is all about me and how I feel, I’m sorry my baby it’s not about me” he apologizes.

“No no it’s ok Channie I understand what you meant; I know this is an adjustment for you too.”

The two of you continue to sit together in a comfortable silence for a while before you hear footsteps and the door opening with Han and Changbin returning to work again.

“Ewww get a room” Han jokes, seeing you in Chan’s arms.

“Uh believe it or not this isn’t your studio.” Chan reminds.

“Technically they had a room already.” Changbin points out.

“Ay woah Changbin hyung you’re supposed to be on my side.” Han whines

“Now why would I do that?”

“Alright alright quit whining I’ll let you guys work” you say, starting to get up before Chan pulls you back down quickly.

“Don’t leave yet baby” he pouts.

“Chan you guys have work to do.” You scold while laughing.

“I can work while you’re here.” He argues.

“Bullshit you cannot.” Changbin points out.

“Yeah hyung last time you tried to work with her here it took like a week longer to get the song done.” Han agrees.

Chan notices you cringe just a bit at Han referring to you as “her”, running his hands through your hair to comfort you a bit before leaning down and whispering to you.

“Do you want to tell them? Should I?”

“You please… I can’t do it all again myself today.”

Chan clears his throat before speaking up over Han and Changbin who had moved on to some other random topic.

“Actually, Hannie it’s them, not her.”

“Huh?” Han had completely forgotten anything he’d said more than 30 seconds before

“You said her, referring to y/n. They actually use they/them pronouns now.” He tells them.

“Oh, sorry y/n!” Han smiles

“Cool, good to know.” Changbin says before they move back to their conversation.

You smile, hiding your whole face in Chan’s chest, just so overjoyed that your boyfriend loves you exactly as you are, and his friends are cool with it too. You know he’ll take care of you and protect you no matter what against anyone and it makes you feel so safe and warm inside.

#fanfic #stray kids #stray kids fanfic #skz #sfw #coming out #nonbinary reader #skz x reader #stray kids imagines #skz fluff #bang chan #seo changbin #han jisung

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