#<-I don't use the label but im @ing those that do

[therianimal]

I've recently discovered that psychosis most likely plays a primary role in the formation of our system members - and honestly plays a part in our alterhumanity in general. I'm so grateful to the openly psychotic alterhumans, endels and the like on tumblr - without you all this would be a MUCH larger crisis for me.

There's a societal narrative of both "psychotic experiences are sick and therefore shouldn't be encouraged" and "psychotic people are delusional, therefore their experiences aren't real." Perhaps these statements, phrased in a less stigmatizing way, CAN be true for some people's experiences.

But I appreciate y'all on here saying "I'm psychotic AND my experiences are real to me. I'm psychotic AND my experiences matter. I'm psychotic AND I'm plural/nonhuman/fictional/etc." Months of seeing that perspective is helping SO much in holding back my self-doubt and self-rejection.

So to psychotic alterhumans: Thank you for having the courage to go against the grain in a community(s) that historically denied and neglected psychotic experiences. So much of my perspective on my own life and identity is defined and positively affected by you.

( @strawberrybabydog )

#endelity #endel #<-I don't use the label but im @ing those that do #im @ing the obvious person too #hi im a fan *waves at babydog* #also if anyone here is a psychotic PLURAL pls let me know #im having trouble finding yall #blue speaks

[contraspem--spero]

ok im curious what do you think about mizuki akiyama, the character who is heavily implied if not canonically transfeminine/trans female?

not a malicious question

Hi anon! I'm grateful you seem to ask in good faith, so I'll answer even though I don't normally entertain fandom stuff on my blog.

I'll also be using they/them for Mizuki going forward even though I personally don't agree with that but I assume you would be more comfortable this way.

My short answer: I don't really care about them. I like Mizuki's design, some of their cards/focus songs slap, I liked the rooftop friendship storyline, Mizuki&An interactions and their character overall, but I have no personal stake in the The Big Secret storyline. I don't have to morally agree with every media I consume. I can (and do) enjoy things with non-binary or trans characters in them; that fact doesn't make me doubt gender critical or radical feminist ideas.

As of right now, it's only implied* they're transfem; for as long as it's not outright stated in canon I will keep hc-ing Mizuki as a gnc guy who faces isolation and bullying because of it, as did I for dressing in "men's clothing" and not wearing make up. Which might also be canon just as well in the future.

Mizuki never answers the question of why they dress the way they do with anything other than "Because I like it", which actually aligns the gender critical idea of clothes and make-up and nail polish etc having no gender and how both men and women can both dress however they want (whilst simultaneously being aware that some of traditionally female/feminine clothes are purposefully impractical, financially draining, or outright harmful to your body and it's no coincidence; the gc idea of people having the freedom to do whatever doesn't necessarily go against the feminist idea that patriarchy is the reason those roles and practices exist in the first place and are actively harmful to women and girls as a class), and honestly? I like the way that is written.

Maybe the message proseka writers intended to send wasn't "Mizuki is trans because they dress like a girl and being forced into male roles makes them depressed and transphobia is bad", maybe it was "Mizuki is simply a boy who likes pink and dresses and cute things and maybe we should stop bulling people for being different that the rest". Or maybe I'm dead wrong and they will be confirmed as transgender later down the line. Who knows. It makes very little difference to me anyway because they're not one of my favourite characters and that's that.

*whilst they're being referred as they/them in the official English translation, we should be very, very aware that English translation is oftentimes inaccurate and occasionally even harmful/blatantly wrong and is prone to buying into popular fandom headcanons (e.g: calling Nagi An's Aunt officially whereas in canon their relationship get no label and are much more complicated than that; unnecessary Tsukasa Angst in Saki's even where he most likely refers to Saki being lonely and not himself; the whole Spojoy Kanade honorifics blunder, while understandably untranslatable, was handled very poorly). Plus it's the only way to make the entire storyline to work in English as Japanese language has no pronouns and we can't judge based off that. Leaving out the pronoun issue we're left to judge based of... Clothes and song lyrics. *Shrugs*

**I also feel like Mizuki's storyline was done very dirty in general by proseka event format because it feels so. painfully. stretched out over three years. It seriously lacks the pacing, but that's my issue with N25 in general; they're moving a little bit too slow for my taste save for Ena.

#personal #I also like the way their depression is written #it's quiet and invisible #just slowly fading away in the background despite their family trying to support them like it can't be helped #vs. Ena's explosive and self-hating vs Mafuyu's actively seeking to harm herself #Mizuki and Kanade's issues are much more similar to that regard except I'd say Mizuki's is slightly more passive #the 'I cross the road without looking' kind of depression #it's very interesting and realistic and i feel like their arc portraits it in the most respectful way from the n25

[charmspoint]

chuuya for ask game

Yuki I am divorced

Just kiddin but seriously I feel like I just don't remember most of these it's been two years since I last poked at bsd with any sort of serious intention and uhhhhh motherfucking six since i was intensely into it, but lemme see

First impression

I don't fuckin remember. I don't even remember was it anime chuuya or manga chuuya i first met. I thiiiiink it might have been manga chuuya? I think bsd was either an anime i watched a little n then immediately went to read the manga or whose presence i was made aware of by anime announcement and then read the manga before the anime actually aired it was one of those two but im not sure which (six years) But I mean like, you've seen Chuuya, you've seen his first apperance, he walks in dressed like that and acts like that it was probably love at first sight. Which is funny because Dazai's character is usually more of my type but here Chuuya swept me away.

Impression now

So underutilized it HURTS. Chuuya has SO MUCH potential but it feels like all that's done with his character is constant nerfing and putting-on-bus-ing. He's one of those overpowered characters that the authors put in for cool points but then can't work around so they just end up sent away more often than not so the writer can still write the story without having to explain how this one guy isnt just obliterating shit left and right. Still, Chuuya is pure potential and I feel that's why he's so beloved (or well used if you wanna be crude) in the fandom. Kafka only relatively recently gave him any backstory at all so for a long time Chuuya was basically a cool guy you could make anything out of. We don't get much from him but to me he's like all the bsd nostalgia and potential (and subsequent disappointment) wrapped up in one character. He's one of the rare favs I don't wish to break like a glow stick I think only nice things should happen to Chuuya.

Favorite moment

Honestly...back when we thought we were really going to get Chuuya vs Ranpo vs Poe. It didn't happen, that was an utter disappointment, but like many things with Chuuya the potential of that was incredible. Those were my bsd top three, that was bsds top brain vs bsds top brawn. The fact that it didn't happen and instead ended up as just an excuse to clean up two people who could fuck with the story the most was probably one of the first nails in bsd's coffin for me. You said favorite but I'm all like bittersweet about it, but Chuuya is a bittersweet character. You'll get odd answers.

Idea for a story

The suffocating quality of your dying breaths (And the effect they had on me) was actually supposed to be a part of a series of Chuuya character fics labeled 'Fittest to Survive' (If you remember that series you may be viable for a seniors discount). The other two fics were 'All the beautiful things we are (All the dangerous things we will become)', which was supposed to be a Kouyou & Chuuya fic focused on their relationship, concepts of beauty and strength and exploration of gender identity, and 'Feral beasts (and their hearts that bleed)' which was a Chuuya & Akutagawa fic which was basically supposed to focus on them after Dazai leaving the mafia, the differing relationships they had with Dazai and differing ways they dealt with the loss.

Unpopular opinion

I would say I'm completely out of the loop on what's popular or unpopular in the bsd fandom but from talking to you it seems like things are basically the same as they were six years ago so uhhh unpopular opinion 1. I don't think Chuuya is like a super feminine guy. I do get a genderqueer vibe from him but it doesn't really lean feminine for me, he likes to dress nice but also he grew up as a lab rat and then on the street he deserves to indulge himself and explore his identity. 2. I don't think he heart achingly misses Dazai. Like I mentioned this before but I don't think they had some big romance even tho i do like soukoku. Their relationship for me has always been more akin to being tied together for a three legged race and if the idiot tied to you goes down so do you so better help him out. I do think there was loss in Dazai leaving but I don't think Chuuya was like on the floor sobbing for weeks or anything and he's probably fully over it by now. The person Dazai had a very close and personal relationship to was Oda not Chuuya. Honestly idk how well i explored this in my past fics, it took me distancing myself from bsd completely to crystalize my opinions on their relationship which is a shame cuz i have all these takes and no motivation to write them.

Favorite relationship

Who are we kidding here huh, the only relationship Chuuya has that is remotely explored is with Dazai (dont @ me with light novel content i dont know her). And his relationship with Dazai is interesting! There's a lot to explore there, as i said before, they really are something that's neither romantic nor platonic nor queerromantic. They are complicated and messy and probably not too good for each other. I just wish fandom would express them like that more instead of making Chuuya Dazai's collectible waifu. I would also REALLY like it if there was any canon content for his relationships with Kouyou, Akutagawa and Kyouka like CMON, ESPECIALLY AKUTAGAWA. DAZAI'S EX PARTNER AND PUPIL, THE SHIT WRITES ITSELF, WAKE UP KAFKA.

Favorite headcanon

Somewhere along the line I decided that the rich girl impression is an inside joke between Chuuya and Dazai and to this day this is my pet headcanon. Chuuya just had it down too good, it made Dazai genuinely laugh (in the manga at least, fuck the anime), this was a thing Chuuya did once as a joke and from the on out Dazai pestered him to do it again every five goddamn seconds I will not be dissuaded from my silly hcs.

Ask game

#yuki-mxivo #answered #ask game #bsd #long post

[sunball]

Hi💫💓. I have a confession to make. Nothing too serious tbh. This is going to be lengthy. I created a Tumblr acc a while ago but, I was never active on it. I preferred to guest browse, you know. I would lurk around in the tags and read stuff. But, I never actually interacted with the posts. Ever. One day, I was doing the same thing and, I came across your blog. I LOVED reading your posts. You came across as an authentic and outspoken person to me. Your blog's aesthetic stood out to me. I could see that it was an expression of yourself. I could see the effort you put into it. I kept coming back to your blog and ended up finding some other wonderful blogs through it. After a while, I ended up traveling. I didn't have data or WiFi access at the time so, I couldn't read any of your posts. When I returned, I couldn't find your blog for some reason. I low-key freaked out. I am not sure how to explain this to you but, I have ALWAYS struggled with communication. It made me SO anxious to the point that I couldn't even imagine being on social media. People say that interacting with others on the Internet is much easier than face-to-face communication but, to me, it's all the same. At the end of the day, I am always wondering "Was I rude?", " Did I even make any sense?", "What are they going to think of me?". It is such an irrational fear but, I can't help it. After coming across your blog, I decided to check my natal chart, and lo and behold, I have Saturn in the 3rd. After finding out that you had the same placement, it gave me some kind of hope? That may be, someday, I would be able to express my thoughts just like you do. I really respect the efforts you put into your blog. I admire you for that. I really do. Okay, let's go back to the story. I eventually ended up finding your blog. I made up my mind to finally tell you that I loved your blog. I think I send you an ask. I think. But I decided to redo it cause' I felt like the first one didn't do justice. So here I am. I don't know if you will ever actually read this. Even now, while writing this, I am freaking out! I know I am anonymous but, my anxiety doesn't give an f. I want you to know that you are doing great. There are lots of people out there who appreciate what you do, and I am one of them. I hope you rise amongst all perils and achieve all your dreams. Thank you for being yourself. 💛💛💛

Hold up, I was supposed to make a confession, right? Okay so, I used to hang around with a cockroach as a kid. Let's call it bestie. Feels weird to say it, but bestie was actually well behaved? I used to sing songs for it and stuff. Our friendship lasted for a grand total of two days. Bestie was a great roach. Best of all?? It didn't fly. Yap, that's it. I don't know if you will read this but thanks for listening.

omg anon🥺🥺 I’m speechless aahhh aakdhjdg this means SO much to me. you made my day. you made me smile and tear up wow. thank you so much for taking your time to write this. im feelin super special rn hehehe just reading your words makes me feel appreciated 😭 I’m guessing you found my blog when my URL was ilyneptune? I was shadowbanned so that’s why you couldn’t find my blog, SORRY ABOUT THATTTT! I’m glad we found eachother again though :D

I totally get what you mean about the communication part, as a child I was really quiet and did not talk to my family or my friends much. at school I was the most awkward person and was labelled as stupid because whenever I got picked on to answer questions, I would just stutter and answer something stupid 😭 just speaking makes me feel like choking even if it’s just a simple hi. I also used to not like talking online too, I would leave messages unread and ignore them for weeks and I absolutely hated calls (I still do). I also take hours to write a paragraph. saturn in 3rd house things I suppose 😔 but actually, this year my communication got so much better. I stepped out of my comfort zone and made this blog. not so sure what made me do it but I’m glad I did it anyway. now I’m arguing with people in comment sections and I’m not afraid of being wrong anymore. I guess I just accepted that I’m not perfect and that I’m bound to make mistakes and that everyone is here for the same reason - to learn. would me saying something wrong make me a fool? or would the person laughing at me for being wrong and not asking questions be the fool instead? I actually have 2 quotes on my wall, “speak your mind even if your voice shakes” and “he who asks a question is a fool for a minute, he who does not ask is a fool for life”. those quotes are very important to me and pretty much changed my life :B my dad also helped me ig, he’s kinda cold lol but he told me that people actually don’t give a fuck about your mistakes, they don’t notice the things you notice like your crooked teeth, the way you eat, how you stuttered 3 times or how you messed up your presentation. why? people have their own insecurities and their own life to think about, they’re probably thinking of the exact same thing like “omg did they notice that I accidentally spat when I talked?”. so yeah that helped me too.

I believe that you can overcome these fears! I mean, you’re already doing it by writing this to me :D (which brought me to tears lol). If an awkward bean who barely spoke at school (aka me) can do it, so can you! I believe in you anon ((: it’s okay to be anon I understand! I appreciate you writing this to me (for the 2nd time KAHDH I’m sorry I didn’t get your last ask 😭). but anywaysss I’ll still be here for the day you express your thoughts (and imma listen hehe) I��m a sucker for thaaatttt, hearing people’s thoughts and opinions. I think it’s super fascinating how people think differently and how people can come up with different ideas. makes me just wanna take a look inside their mind KAHDJDH.

okay wth a cockroach HAHSGDGD AND WHY IS THAT WEIRDLY CUTE??? why am I aww-ing at a cockroach I don’t get it AHAHAAH AND YOU SANG TO IT?? WELL BEHAVED??? I’m chuckling here 😭😭 that’s so wholesome. so cuteeee😔 bestie will forever be missed <33

thank YOU anon. I hope you are doing well! I hope to see you againnn 🥺

#answered