#(they really need friends but they're scared)

[skunkes]

if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.

#i cant let go of it. i cant even enjoy good moments without thinking about how they'll just be memories one day #how they're already memories since moments pass so fast #everything is I'll Miss This and i already miss it and i cant believe once you're gone you're gone forever #and ill never ever see you again. and your shell is in the ground but where did the rest of you go? #should i look at your body one last time? on one hand itll be the last time i see you. #on the other hand it will be the last time i see you. #and the memory of you will die with me too. as if neither ever existed #it impacts me so much too bc i dont feel close to anybody really...and i dont make friends easily #so whats going to happen when the people who have always been there arent there anymore? #im going to be alone for so much of my life. #i will record your voice so im ready for when i cant hear it from the source while also knowing it wont be enough and one day #ill be wishing it lasted longer. it could be 12 hours long and ill want more. #how do you surpass this? it hasn't even happened. when it happens i don't know what ill do. considering my whole life has been #the timer. the countdown. hours and hours of anticipatory grief #and then ill be next. me. some of all thats left of you. it cant be true. #sorry. this gets worse every single year and its been going insane lately #id surprisingly been managing it well for months somehow ! it wouldnt cross my mind...and now its there again #like it accumulated and its all coming out right now. ive been crying for hrs tonight and last night #one day his things will just be things. things ive made and given him will be in my hands again. #talkys #i want to go hug my dad but then ill just cry over how one day i wont be able to....! how do i store it? how do i save it? #how do i preserve it forever....even as i take my own last breath.... #i cant believe im the only one of me. and my dad is the only one of him. #i wouldnt want to be reborn as anyone else. i cant believe one day i wont get to draw or eat or be comfy in bed anymore. #i cant take it !! im so scared. ill be scared until the end. and you wont be there to hold my hand. im going to be alone. #and none of those years of grief and joy and memories will matter. #i wonder if it would help to tell him about this. i need something to hold onto for when it happens. anything. but i also know it'll make i #hurt more; obviously. just another piece of him that'll be gone one day

[bro-atz]

a friend in need is a friend indeed [bro's 500 — wooyoung]

[fake relationship, fluff, non-idol!au, wooyoung/gn!reader]

requested by: 🌙

in which: you need to enlist wooyoung's help at the very last minute.

word count: 1.4k

content: fluff, wooyoung is the best friend you could ever have, mentions of toxic people who were once in your life, hand-holding, kissing, friends to lovers, some swearing

rating: PG/PG-13 | safe for work!

Honestly, you had a teeny, tiny crush on your best friend. No big deal, but there was no way in hell you were ever going to tell him because you were sure as hell that he didn't feel the same way about you. Sure, you spent a lot of time together, but it wasn't like you were his first priority. Not going to lie, you were convinced that he was dating his best friend, but when he introduced you to his best friend's significant other, you were proven otherwise.

But either way, it was fine. You didn't need to be in a relationship with him or with anyone for that matter. You had enough of your plate. Also, it was enough that you were in his life and he was in yours. That's all you could really ask for because he was seriously one of your best friends.

"Hey, bestie," Wooyoung greeted you as walked up to you.

The two of you decided to meet up near your favorite strip malls that day to hang out. You briefly hugged him before he walked alongside you as the two of you traveled through the city.

"So, what'd you want to do today?" he asked while stifling a yawn.

"I just need to run some errands, and then I may or may not need a little help with some groceries."

"If this is another ruse of yours to get me to cook for you," Wooyoung sighed loudly. "I'll do it..."

"Yay, thank you!"

"Only because I'm sick and tired of watching you eat like a psychopath— can't you at least eat some greens?"

"Only if you cook for me," you responded with a wink.

Wooyoung playfully rolled his eyes, and the two of you continued walking through the city.

You got done with most of your errands fairly quickly, and the two of you ended up hanging out in the food court of your local mall. You were sorting through your receipts while Wooyoung went and grabbed snacks for the two of you, and while you sat in silence— except for Wooyoung's munching of course— you looked up to see two people. And it wasn't just any two people— it was the two people who did you so fucking dirty that it made your heart sink to the bottom of your feet when you saw them.

"Oh fuck," you hissed under your breath.

"What?" Wooyoung mumbled mid-bite.

"We need to leave. Now."

You quickly shoved the receipts into their respective bags and grabbed Wooyoung's shoulder before shuffling out of the food court, your heart racing at the speed of light.

"What the hell, Y/N?" Wooyoung complained. "I was eating!"

"Not now, Wooyoung," you muttered while looking nervously over your shoulder.

"What's the matter with you? You look like you're a James Bond villain trying to avoid James Bond."

"Why am I the villain?!"

"Because that's how suspicious you look!"

You covered Wooyoung's mouth to keep him from shrilling further before taking his arm and dragging him away while still looking over your shoulder. Wooyoung, who finally took the hint and kept his damn mouth shut, followed until there was a considerable distance between the two of you and the food court.

"Okay, let me explain now," you started. "There are two people who were there that I just... They're evil people, Wooyoung."

"Okay, so then why did we have to leave if they're the evil ones?"

"Because I'm scared of them. They said some nasty things, they did some nasty things, and the sooner I can get away from them, the better."

"Y/N," Wooyoung sighed. "You have to stand your ground against assholes like them. You can't be going around looking like the villain if you aren't the villain."

"I know, Wooyoung, but I can't help it. Can we just go now?"

Wooyoung opened his mouth to lecture you further, but seeing the exhausted look on your face was enough to shut him up. With a reserved nod, the two of you walked through the city, and Wooyoung did his best to distract you by taking you window shopping. Truth be told, he hated seeing you depressed, and he wanted to do anything to cheer you up, but how on Earth was he supposed to do that after you saw two people who traumatized the shit out of you?

Luckily for him, you forgot about them pretty quickly. Granted, it was really easy since Wooyoung was acting like an idiot to cheer you up, but it worked. The two of you finished your little shopping trip, and before heading home, Wooyoung begged you to go back to the food court because he was still hungry. On your way there, though, you saw the two people once more, your blood running cold. Wooyoung, however, was oblivious, as he was in his own world complaining about some dumb shit his roommate did to him.

“Wooyoung, can you please do me a solid?” you whisper-hissed to him.

“I don’t know, Y/N. I’m kind of in the middle of accompanying you on your shopping trip,” Wooyoung replied with a smartass comment.

“Shut up. Just do me a solid and hold my hand and let me lean on your shoulder and all that other fun couple shit but not really for like five minutes, okay?”

Before he could even respond, you took his hand in yours and leaned into him as the two of you continued walking towards the food court. You forced a flirty laugh, making Wooyoung actually burst out laughing as you walked past the banes of your existence, nearly shoulder-checking them as you passed them. You continued to walk hand in hand with Wooyoung until you got to the entrance of your destination before looking over your shoulder to see that they were out of sight. Immediately, you let go of your friend’s hand and started apologizing.

“Sorry, I just saw them again, and I… Well, I wanted to pretend and look like I was in a relationship to make those people jealous and think that I’m dating an attractive boy,” you explained honestly. “I mean— You were the one to tell me to stand my ground, and in that moment, that was the first thing I thought about doing, and— I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, Y/N,” Wooyoung chuckled and patted your head. “But you know, you don’t have to pretend.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean,” Wooyoung’s voice lowered as he reached for your hand to hold it again. “We don’t have to pretend.”

“Wooyoung, what are you—”

Before you could finish your thought, Wooyoung leaned in and kissed you, his lips pressing gently against yours. It was the minimalist of kisses, but it was enough to make your heart nearly leap out of your chest. He leaned back and was about to speak again, but you reached for the back of his neck and pulled him in for another kiss, this time your lips enveloping his warmly. There was a little more want, a little more passion behind the kiss from both you and him. You pressed the pads of your fingers into his neck a little more when you felt him tug gently on your lower lip, his body moving into yours slightly more.

The two of you shared a soft sigh when you moved away from each other, your eyes darting back and forth as you realized the line you just crossed evaporating into thin air.

“That, uh… That was… Well,” you smoothed out your hair and broke eye contact first, the words refusing to formulate correctly.

“Tell me something, Y/N,” Wooyoung grabbed your attention by tugging you closer to him, his fingers since laced with yours. “Do you like me?”

“I mean—”

“And not as a friend. Do you like me?”

You were still a little lost for words when he asked you, but you managed to swallow the frog in your throat and nod as you felt a hot red blush rise to your cheeks.

“Then you’ll never have to pretend like that again with me. Let me take you on a date.”

“R-Really?”

“Yeah. Although, I think our first date is going to be at the food court because I’m still really hungry,” Wooyoung shot you his cheesy smile, making you push him away while laughing.

“Alright, fine. Food court date it is.”

bro's 500 event | bro's 500 event masterlist

bro's 500 taglist: @eyeryis @sinnarols @nakiiko @hyukssunflower @aaa-sia

@k-hotchoisan @hwallazia

networks: @atzhouse @cromernet @cultofdionysusnet @newworldnet @wonderlandnet

#ateez #ateez wooyoung #jung wooyoung #wooyoung imagine #wooyoung x reader #jung wooyoung ateez #wooyoung ateez #broatz #bro's 500 event #Spotify #atzhouse #cromernet #cultofdionysusnet #newworldnet #wonderlandnet

[ill-say-anything-i-hafta]

I think the line "if you look and you see Brooklyn, then they're with us" should be delivered with biting irony and a big dirty look. David feels like a fool and he's mad at Jack about it.

On the walk over the bridge, Jack probably made a big deal about what great friends and allies he and Spot are. He convinced both himself and David that Brooklyn joining the strike was a foregone conclusion. But when they got there, Spot wouldn't commit. David wasn't really prepared to talk -- he hadn't thought he would need to -- but he did his best, and it didn't work. And when he noticed that Jack was, in fact, a little scared of Spot, that made him embarrassed for both of them.

It was a depressing walk back to Manhattan. David and Jack bickered all the way, and David hasn't quite gotten over it yet.

#but racetrack blames David #david jacobs #jack kelly #newsies headcanons #newsies #livesies

[murfpersonalblog]

IWTV S2 Ep4 Musings - Loumand

Assad was NOT. PLAYING.

Put those village feeders AWAY, sir~! 😍 You look ready to start lactating, omg! Assad NEVER misses a day at the gym!

What happened to y'all being so in sync, fellas?

Armand seems WAY more delusional here than Louis, for once. Which is telling--Armand had long been "failing" to hold onto his coven, and his authority.

Louis reading about Death while his daughter's arguing for her life, I can't.

And this little shrug when Armand punished Claudia, omfg, he is giving weak-willed-mother-who-lets-the-mean-stepfather-run-roughshod-over-her-kids-cuz-the-peen-is-too-good-and-he-pays-all-the-bills.

So we go from Lestat's "the Meat" and Claudia's "Kill Juice" to Armand's "Cattle."

NGL, I'd be pissed if I was the coven, too. How you gon' have this dude sit there not needing to follow the rules, while all of us are stuck wearing clown makeup and having our makers killed cuz of your dumb rules?!

I REALLY like this mutinous angle AMC's using, fleshing out the tension in the coven more, cuz it really makes sense.

I get that Louis would want to be around, but omfg cut the umbilcal already! I agree with the coven: like, WHY are you there exactly? Not even the worst helicopter moms are allowed to sit in class with their kids all day, so wtf? And I agree that Armand needs to draw MUCH thicker lines in the sand. Coven business is coven business--if Louis' not gonna even be allowed to speak up in Claudia's defense, then he shouldn't be there at all. ESPECIALLY if he's gonna flaunt how much he doesn't GAF about their rules--their CULTURE.

Aw crap, you got the homie Estelle mad, too?!

You done effed up, Louis--that's the smile of a psychopath. XD

Oh, he's keeping SOMETHING tight, he ain't lyin! 😜

👀

LOUIS! The ONE time you should've lied, omfg! 🤦 It's called making a UNITED FRONT, ffs!

Louis said Hot Girl Summer--literally.

🔥🕯️ FIRE GIFT LOUIS THIS IS NOT A DRILL. ️‍🕯️🔥

Louis said it only works when he's PISSED OFF, OH LAAAWWWWD!

This bit scared the crap out of me--at first I was like the coven's gonna jump y'all in your skivvies!? 😂 Then I was like wait--was that a crew member?! How did y'all not catch that in post!?

And then it all became clear.

*crosses self* HISSSSS.

CLEARLY it's not "great," when your man's man is throwing shade at your whole setup in Louis' head. 😬 Armand, you're barking up the wrong Rebound Tree, my guy.

The face that launched 1000 undead theatre kids into a blazing inferno. THE Louis of Troy, yaaaas~!

MESSY QUEEN.

🔥 FIRE GIFT LOUIS LFG. ️‍🔥

And this is likely why Louis believes what Armand said about him teaching Lestat the Mind Gift, cuz Armand taught Louis the Fire Gift.

Oh trust, we know you do, Armand. But how much does LOUIS know? 👀 ESPECIALLY when he doesn't go on hunts with y'all.

This can only end well.... 😬😈

AMC knows what they're doing--you knooooow that would've hurt Les to his core, if he knew Lou said ILY to Armand after only 1.5 years, when he (allegedly) never said it once to Lestat in 30. U_U Cuz you don't effing deserve it yet, Lestat! It's no skin off Lou's back to say that to Armand, cuz he's not REALLY giving up anything. He's not joining their stupid coven, and he's fine with them killing him. But Lou admitting that he loves Lestat means he'd have to take accountability for his COMPLICITY in everything that went wrong in his life, and that he chose Lestat over his entire family, his religion, his self respect, his sanity, ALL of it, for some heinous blonde Frenchman, lord have mercy. 😔 It's a hard pill to swallow.

And he's REALLY in the deep end now, if he expects his imaginary (boy)friend to start keeping promises. 🤦

#interview with the vampire #iwtv tvc metas #loumand #loustat #pyromaniac du lac #the hype is real #must see tv

[aralisj]

hi umm if you wouldn't mind......... would u drop the "carmy is autistic" list..... because you're so right he's so autistic-coded but i want to compare notes

You don't know the can of worms that you just opened. Know that I cracked my knuckles and kicked my feet excitedly when I got this ask and I would LOVE to hear your insights too.

This is pretty much the format I used for myself, so I do apologize if there's something wrong with it. Also, this is only my appreciation of it and autism is a spectrum, etc.

Difficulty socializing - Imitating forms of communication (sign for "sorry", cursing) - Unable to read when he's being rude (shitty) and need for external confirmation from Sydney - Uneasy in group gatherings (not joining the rest of the staff for family during his first weeks at The Beef), avoiding social events (never been to a party, misses family reunions) - Can be gregarious when masking/using costumes - specifically the scene with him pretending to be Logan at the party - "And [Mikey] had this amazing ability. He could just, he could walk into a room, and he could take the temperature of it instantly. You know, he could just, he could dial it. And, um… I'm not built like that, man. I, um… I didn't have a lot of friends growing up. I had a, a stutter when I was a kid. I was scared to speak half the time. And, uh, I got shitty grades 'cause I couldn't pay attention in school. I didn't get into college. I didn't have any girlfriends. I don't think I'm funny."

Problems with body language - Cannot read easily when he's being teased/mocked and when he isn't: - He gets really defensive when Mikey and Richie mention Claire even if they're being genuine and doesn't calm down until Stevie says so. - He doesn't realize Sydney is joking at first in the alley scene or her outright mocking him in the S3 trailer ("I can sense the sarcasm" "No, no, no. Not sarcasm, snark, contempt even.") - Asking Sydney constantly what's wrong - he listens intently which suggests that he cares but he genuinely can't pick up on what the problem is - Lack of eye contact, especially at the beginning, giving priority to looking at the food than whoever he's talking to. He seems more comfortable with looking at Syd and Richie in the eye than the rest.

Difficulty making friends and navigating relationships - No romantic relationships before Claire (we assume 🤷🏻‍♀️) - When Claire called him and told him that Fak said he was his best friend, Carmy took a second to process and then agreed. He genuinely has no idea. - The whole "a girl who is a friend" debacle

Stimming - Fiddling with his spoon, shaking hands and blinking hard - Arguably, also smoking

Routine -~Consistency~ - "And the routine of the kitchen was so… consistent and exacting and busy and hard and alive" - Wears almost the same outfit every day (white t-shirt, slacks, coat, apron) - Doesn't deal well with change

Special interests - Cooking, drawing, (vintage) fashion - he's really out there cooking in hundred dollar t-shirts and gifting Thom Browne chef whites - Creative and flourishing in his chosen field ("I felt like I could speak through the food, like I could communicate through creativity. And that kind of confidence, you know, like I was finally… I was good at something, that was so new, and that was so exciting") - Understanding the world and other people in terms of food

Abnormal sensory response - Cannot stand certain sounds (~ball breaker~) and doesn't mind others (alarm) - Possibly heightened sense of taste/smell?

From childhood and more notorious overtime - Described as weird and shy even as a child - Stutter - Bad at school

More notorious under stress - Meltdowns and lashing out (1x07, 2x10) - Gets overwhelmed when plans change - Shutdown/anxiety attack after sleeping with Claire

Not playing cooperatively - Individualistic and cutthroat in the kitchen - VERY task focused (when he’s cooking HE IS COOKING) - Territorial over his things (knife) - He has a hard time finding a managerial style that suits him, delegating, and motivating the staff

Detail oriented - Toothbrush cleaning - The bowl thing in S3 trailer - His ~everything~ tbh

Depression, anxiety and APD comorbidity - Having special interests/happy stimming/needs shut down at a young age resulting in a pessimistic mindset (waiting for the other shoe to drop), anxiety attacks and unhealthy attachment styles - His trauma plays a huge role in this too but autistic children are particularly prone to suffering abuse in silence/staying in toxic environments and relationships

Insomnia

Alexithymia - "I Googled fun." - "I guess all the time I feel like I'm kind of trapped because I can't… Describe how I'm feeling. So to ask someone else how they’re feeling, that seems, uh… I don’t know, insane?" - "I hate this feeling" "What feeling, Carm?" "Uh, I'm not sure."

Black and white thinking - Difficulty focusing on more than one thing at a time, a very clear example is the majority of S2 when he's trying to juggle a relationship with Claire with opening the restaurant, while actively compartimentalizing the two of them, ignoring Syd's calls while he's out, then Claire's when he's at the restaurant - At the beginning of S1, he's hanging onto the idea that there's only ONE way to properly run a restaurant - Whatever "advice" he gets from Al Anon meetings is taken to the extreme, causing most of his fuck ups of S1 (more on this) - In the same vein, my boy can't understand a metaphor to save his life

I'm keeping track of the list (more or less) here

#thanks for asking! i mean it! #the bear #the bear meta #the bear fx #carmy berzatto #carmy the bear #autistic carmy #this feels like another bullet point for my 'is carmy autistic?' ever growing list

[that-foul-legacy-lover]

ok but

SAGAU reader who bundles themselves in blankets to calm down and have a moment of peace, just wrapping and snuggling down until you're almost entirely covered in quilts and comforters. it's warm and cozy and makes you feel grounded; you've been doing it for a long time, and aren't planning to stop just because you've been tossed into Teyvat.

except Foul Legacy thinks that you're making a nest and wants to help. he pokes and tugs at your blankets until he's looking curiously at your exhausted expression, then runs off to gather even more covers to arrange them around you. soon enough you're sitting in the middle of a rather large and soft blanket nest, with a big sparkly Abyssal moth snuggling his head into your lap and purring in delight. it's even better than being under a mound of quilts, and your tense muscles gradually relax the longer you pet Foul Legacy's hair, a stable point in a new yet familiar world.

you go to him whenever you feel overwhelmed after that.

#genshin impact #childe #tartaglia #gi ajax #foul legacy #foul legacy childe #genshin tartagalia #genshin childe #genshin tartaglia #genshin x reader #childe x reader #sagau #genshin sagau #that moment when your friends are having a (civil) argument and they both go to your DMs to talk about it #i really don't mind but!!! i'm scared!!! #arguments scare me!!! #it's ok i think they're ok now and i think i helped #anyways i need a blanket cocoon now #short scenario #wifi's brainrot #good evening :)

[beanghostprincess]

I bought these so now I have no excuse. I'll have to read this damn manga from the start. A tragedy. Such a pity. A torture, really.

Also look at my OP funkos bc they're my precious little things and I would do anything for them

#my friend told me we need to start checking how much money i spend on op things monthly #and i said no bc the answer scares me #haha did you see how i have the funkos placed they're really cute #sanuso and then the girls on top of their fav boys and then crocodile and doffy together and croc on top of robin i am a genius #making the sanuso funkos kiss at some point #one piece

[seagullcharmer]

i don't think this applies to any mutuals but i've been stewing vaguely over tp fans who think link only fell for midna when he saw her true form. like. we did Not play the same game apparently

#libra.txt #i don't even ship midlink that hard but people who make link sooo shallow #and say he could only have fallen for her when he saw her true form just. ugh i can't stand it #like. they have such an interesting dynamic + relationship #starting out from 'begrudging coworkers' to 'maaaybe friends......?' to 'yeah we vibin' to 'Oh.' #and for awhile i didn't really see midlink as a very romantic dynamic #but then. idk. getting to the desert the first time. and midna shares a secret. the way she presses close to link #and not in a flirty way or trying to get on his nerves but as. 'hey. this is really important to me and i'm actually kind of scared but #i Trust you. i believe in you. we can do this together' #/that's/ when i said 'Oh.' #and now i'm almost done with the game. i've beaten zant and i've headed to the castle #(sidenote: love the freaky spider form midna has with the fused shadows. need to do more with that) #and the way link catches her!!!!! the way they smile at each other!!!!! #they care about each other!!!! they're fond!!!!!! #need to actually finish the game but. maybe i like midlink more than i think. hmm! #i'm just sick of people who only use midna as a reason to give link manpain. or make link shallow etc etc #midna is an interesting character on her own!!!!!!! so is link!!!!!! #they just so happen to work well together too!!!!!!!!!!!! #and don't get me started on midzelink okay

[moonlit-orchid]

When your friend needs you to be there to comfort them, but you have no energy for serious conversations and so you're stuck wondering if youre being a selfish asshole or if youre justified in not wanting to be the one to sort their problems out

#vent #its not like they didnt offer to hear my problems. but i just dont want to talk about. or anything #i dont want serious conversations. i dont want to have to worry about other people. i just cant. #im just so fucking exhausted and i dont know if its talking to them and feeling drained by the fact that theyre going through something- #-and that i need to be the therapist or if im just sick. again. #plus yesterday i slept late. my mum made me cry (i think she was just tired out by that point in the day so i doubt it was personal) #and just #im fucking tired ok #and I'm sorry im a bad friend #i just dont have energy. i want to have good energy around me to try give me some. #but when theyre upset it gets into me and drains me and I've been there as much as i can but i just cant right now. im too tired #i know im a shitty person but literally everyone got to be a shitty person at my expense so isnt it my fucking turn? #and then assuming i was acting like that to hurt them. I DO NOT WANT TO HURT ANYONE. IF WE HAVE A FIGHT I WANT TO MOVE ON. #I'm not gonna be caught up in it if we resolved it #but yeah. long story short they're going through shit and i feel like shit #and i think them going through shit is what makes me feel like shit. because i worry about them #and they can lash out on me #i just dont know anymore. i dont know if im an awful person or not #last year i broke up with a friend and my mum said I'll do the same with the next friend #it wasnt my fault #that friend ghosted me #im trying not to be her rn too and im scared that ive been in the wrong im scared im a shitty person too #but at the same time im too done to even really care #i just wanna stop fucking feeling all this and just get on with my day

[bunnihearted]

📓🕯️🐇🖤pt.2

#only 30 tags lol i ran out... so furthermore #we only get one life. im gonna try as much as i can to enjoy the little moments. nd to not give up on myself nd my life #i will die one day anyway. why rush it. i'll enjoy as many books and as many walks and songs and tv shows as possible #if i get a loan nd have more money i wanna bleach my hair nd dye my hair green #and later this year i think i might change my name #it was the name i wanted to change to from the beginning. but i was in such a bad headspace i just picked eden at random #i do kinda like it now nd im attached to it but i more feel like this other name actually is me. my birth name nd my current name dont feel #really right. so maybe. i havent decided yet. like i rlly dont know. im also attached to this name for some other reason. like it's who i am #to a person i rlly like and if i change... will i be anything to them? i cant put it into words but that makes me hesitate #but it's unhealthy to stay attached to someone i cant truly have even if i want to. so i mean. idk im just weird abt it #but i do kinda wanna change my name (to embla. my mom wanted to give me that name but my dad was like nooo >.<) i am not 100% sure tho so #when i've been getting used to going to school nd working out at the gym. nd after my surgery nd i have more energy #i will try to face my avpd and try apps for making friends. there r two apps where u can find new girl friends!! maybe i can try that #also like i've never tried apps but i think maaaaaybe i can use bumble to try to find friends and women to date. potentially. idk..... #rn it's hard for me to think in those terms bc. i mean i am hung up on someone!!!! i cant evwn imagine dating or being intimate w anyone els #sometimes i feel like.. they're the only person i've ever felt like it'd even be possible. who i'd event want to do that w #not only physically but emotionally. so ig it's even harder to let go bc im so scared i will never feel like that w anyone else #but i rlly need to try to make the most of whatever life i have. the world will collapse soon anyway #that makes me even more sad that i cant be w who i wanna be w nd do what i wanna do but #all pain will all be completely descimated eventually. it's not forever bc life isnt forever #i've just never felt this before. like i want smth to be real so bad but if it happened once surely it can happen again? right? #i wont spend my life alone without intimacy and love and comfort nd support nd understanding right???? :o hope not #im still so sad nd exhausted rn. nothing in my life is working nd theres no repreive nd no help #it gets sooo hard to endure everything sometimes when everything just keeps piling up and gets so heavy it feels like im drowning #nd atm i dont feel like i have any anchor. nothing that keeps me grounded nd im just floating away nd im constantly being overwhelmed by my #feelings nd emotions. im like a stupid little kid who dont understand how to handle what im feeling. or make rational decisions #i feel so ... stupid and useless. i dont know what im doing. i have no idea. i have no compass. its so scary

[dreamypumpkins]

Intimidation (Perspective Practice)

#dreamypumpkinsart #anthro #sfw furry #this was a test at perspective! that was meant to be just a sketch to try and post before it hit midnight that i hyperfixated on (it's 1 am #fun fact penumbra is 7 ft. tall they use their height to scare people away from trying to talk to them :3 #(they really need friends but they're scared) #also hope this looks okay #also adjusted eyes here #perspective i haven't tried much but figured I'd give an attempt #since wanted to draw penumbra #also trying shading style

[daz4i]

man if anyone else was in my situation I'd tell them "noooo don't listen to the people in your life who tell you you're making excuses and just being lazy, it's clear that you're in pain, not to mention executive dysfunction makes everything so much harder and depression draining you immediately after one action, be kinder to yourself" however. i am not anyone else

#parents 🤝 old therapist 🤝 friends a few years ago -> convincing me I'm lazy and making excuses to not do anything #it eased up a bit when i had the original crohn's scare bc suddenly ppl had to believe there might actually be smth wrong with me - #- and I'm not just faking my pain/it's just in my head. but the novelty of that passed even though it's still unclear if i have it or not #i don't know either. whether I'm being lazy or not. bc when I'm home alone for a week i DO do some of these things - #- that i normally struggle with. but 1 not all 2 as i mentioned i do need to lie down and recharge after everything #even if I'm not having stomach pains my muscles Do Not like me moving around that much but that might also be me being out of shape #which is think is what all those ppl i mentioned think. which is why they try to encourage me. it's not malicious or anything #but it still hurts a lot to hear. esp when it's coming from all directions and i still. can't. do. anything. #being told I'm just being lazy isn't as encouraging as they may think. tho at this point they're also expressing frustration- #- which i can't blame them for i mean I'd be frustrated too. i AM frustrated too #no one is meaner to me than myself after all #vent #man. that post hit hard akdlglg i didn't realize how much i have held up inside me abt this topic #I'm. really sad now. i just started the day and I'm already crying. damn

[italictext]

I desperately need to befriend a Death Note fan irl who likes Death Note the way I do.. The only DN fans I've met irl are anime only Near haters :'(

#I NEED someone to shake while I rant to them about Death Note pls pls pls #I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO GIGGLE WITH WHILE WE STARE AT DEATH NOTE PANELS PLS PLS PLS #My sister has seen Death Note but she's not really into it + anime only + Near hater </3 #It sucks to remember that the Death Note fandom isn't just my mutuals.. Some people genuinely hate Near :(( #I LOVE the anime the animation is beautiful the soundtrack is beautiful and OOOOO THE COLOR CODING EEEE but #It butchered the 2nd half soo so badly and changed Near's personality and I'm not a fan of the ending :( #THE MANGA ENDING IS SOOO SO GOOD AND BEAUTIFUL #OMGGGG when Light admits to being Kira and gives them his speech and calls himself god of the new world AND EEEE NEAR SAYS “NO YOURE JUST A #MASS MURDERER“ #LIKE EEEE THAT ALWAYS ALWAYS MAKES ME GIGGLE NEAR WAS SOOO SO COOL FOR THAT LIKE HE'S LITERALLY FACE TO FACE WITH KIRA THE GUY WHO KILLED L #And Near REPEATS IT. HE CALLS HIM “JUST A MURDERER” TWICE. #Sorry but the anime made Near so stupid “lol just let him run away it's not like he'll survive” #I love Near and Light's dynamic so much they're so funny. They have the prettiest panels too #Maybe an unpopular opinion but Near vs Light was wayyy more entertaining that L vs Light #And it hurts me to see people say that it should've ended at the 1st half. I know people can have their own opinions or whatever but THEYRE #WRONG!! DN is SOOO much better with the 2nd half + if it ended at L's death that would've sucked. So glad L died midway #I wish I had a friend I could talk about DN to :( I'll just hope one of my friends decide to watch it because idk how to make new friends #Discord servers scare me and while I love my mutuals if any of you tried to message me I think I'd cry out of nervousness lol #Gosh this is long shoukd I even post this

[anirudhpisharody]

.

#alright these tags are super embarrassing but i needed to rant publicly so uh. you can read this but please don't perceive me too much #it is so fucking exhausting having nobody to share my life with #i have literally zero friends at this point bc ever since my grandpa died i've pretty much stopped trying to keep in touch with my hometown #friends and i cut off my 'friend' group that were racist assholes who treated me like a doormat back in october and haven't really made any #close friends at college since. and i just fucking hate that this is the same way i've felt for so many fucking years like you'd think it #would be bearable at this point and i'd be used to being alone and for a while i honestly was but it just hit me tonight how fucking lonely #i am and how tomorrow i have to keep on just doing the shit i have to do in life without anyone to talk to and share it with #other than my mom who's been pissing me off lately so i've been pushing her away too! #it's so tiring to have to go out and do things and have responsibilities everyday and not being able to share that with anyone idk it makes #it feel almost like i'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders which is SO dramatic i know #like today i wanted to talk about the stupid false alarm gas leak thing with my sort of friends in this club i'm in but i didn't get to talk #to anyone at the meeting bc everyone was just talking amongst themselves in their little groups of best friends and it just reminded me that #i don't have that and i've never fucking had that i've only ever pretended i had that #it's like all these years i've been pretending to be a person that has friends and knows how to live life normally but i never have #more than anything i just miss my friends from home bc they're the closest i've ever felt to having friends that are like family but. i #don't know how to talk to them anymore. i didn't tell any of them when my grandpa died and i think they just assumed that i've moved on so #they've probably moved on and i already know that they have their own lives and friends at their schools that are a lot more full than mine #wanna know the worst part about all of this? i just had therapy and basically told her everything's fine #and i won't meet with her again until 3 weeks from now so literally the only person i can talk to about this right now is my mom #which i am absolutely not gonna do bc she's gonna get so scared and worried for me and i can't have that rn #anyways yeah. this isn't even that big of a deal like i haven't had friends for at least the past 6 months it's not like anything's changed #i just feel extra sad about it right now. i need a distraction stat gonna go watch watch some tv goodnight #shut up hanna

[hollowflight-propaganda]

Me: has my sixth sudden crying spell of the week

Also me: "yeah but I'm probably not ACTUALLY depressed"

#gonna be honest boys. I have been feeling like dogshit #started with me having a good ol' existential spiral at 4 am a week ago and now I don't even know what's bothering me #and then there's all of the bad stuff going on making me anxious for myself and everybody on top of everything #all the abhorrent transphobia has been making me feel worried for the future #(as if the passing of time doesn't already horribly scare me but I digress) #idk man. I already feel like I'm unequipped for the future because I've realized I never thought I'd still be alive right now #majority of my childhood was filled with adults preaching at me to think about where I'd be going in the afterlife so I did just that #that plus they were the type to believe that the rapture is soon cause “the signs are all coming true” #so I always thought that either that would happen or I'd die before now #well. I'm still here and I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. #and I'm lonely. really fucking lonely and I'm going mad cause of it #never had actual friends besides the kids I was with at my old private school. now they're all raging conservatives who mock minorities #I was able to get away but moving on isn't as easy as I hoped #it'd be so much easier to betray all my beliefs and act ignorant again so I can have my friends back #but of course I can't do that. I can't throw out who I am and all of the wonderful people I know who would be “sinful” in their eyes #idk man. I think I've finally reached the breakdown I've been feeling coming for the past two years #fuck. sorry for this trauma dump of a post. I've just felt numb for months and now everything's catching up to me #needed to yell about it I guess #vent #phoenix prattles

[bunnyb34r]

I know I should just block (and not OPEN) tags and posts ab '24 but my brain is stupid and likes to be informed even if it makes me worse

#marquilla #im not even joking when i say this next election makes me wanna kms so bad. im fucking terrified and i feel like we already know what's #gonna happen. not bc people arent voting or organizing i mean bc of how far the right has gotten and how angry they are that a #dem won so theyre gonna show up in droves and it's like god i wish we could idk have some safegaurds in place??? like oh idk you #incite an insurrection you Can't run for president?? but also that wouldnt fully stop shit bc florida has its own neo nazi running and #theres more behind him in the wings. but like idk man i just get so fucking suicidal thinking ab the future #and my drs. are like well then dont look at the news??? 'i sure dont' mkay thats great (not) but um i CAN'T not watch bc i need to #be informed i need to know. and they're like well then stop worrying ab it til election day?? LIKE THAT HELPS #so i just dont bring it up. and i just spiral and have breakdowns in the shower and think ab making a will and shit yknow normal stuff #bc this is fine! just dont engage! stop worrying it's like a year away! it MIGHT get better! idk Join in your community then?? #like yes yes thats a start but with what fucking energy when im bedbound most of the time im not working and that doesnt stop these fascist #s like me helping the community garden would be good for the community and probably my mental health in general BUT that doesnt deal with #the actual fear that makes me wanna Kermit #like it really fucking feels like all i can do is pray and hope god somehow intervenes (rapture anyone?) and that things do go well and #that the outright outspoken nzis don't win but like I really just wanna die man #i know the outcome more than likely will not directly affect my life bc im white. cis passing. and can go back in the closet regretfully #but like that doesnt reassure me any bc i have friends and loved ones and generally just give a shit ab other people and how this WILL #affect them directly and that terrifies me. it really feels like we cant ever have a moment to just exist yknow?? #idk man i just wanna die bc im so scared haha how fun (: how normal (: this is fine. everything is fine.