#(tho I kinda don't even wanna call it spec because I don't expect it to happen like that and I kinda don't even WANT it to happen like that

[theladyyavilee]

we were running out through the storm (through the night)

Or the one where Buck almost kissed Eddie at Chimney's bachelor party and Tommy was there to witness it.

read on AO3

„You almost kissed Eddie last night.” There is no trace of accusation in Tommy’s voice and somehow the words still hit Buck like a slap to the face. The hospital staircase is empty and quiet now in the middle of the night, the bright artificial light giving the moment a surreal quality, and somehow, with everything that happened after, Buck did not see this conversation coming.

(The fear and worry of the last 15 or so hours made it so easy to push the memory down and away, something for future Buck to deal with.

Something for future Buck to figure out how to fix, maybe.)

It’s only been maybe an hour since Buck watched Maddie fall asleep curled into Chimney’s side on his hospital bed, her and Chimney’s hands with their matching gold bands interlocked right over Chimney’s heart and with Chimney looking down at her like he was unable to look away. Clearly feeling like the luckiest man in the world, no matter all the horrors he had to walk through to get here to this moment.

(Only maybe an hour since Buck caught himself thinking this is love, this is what love is supposed to be.

Only maybe an hour since Buck caught himself glancing over at Eddie – curled up in one of the horrible hospital chairs and looking smaller than he should, deeply asleep and with an equally conked out Chris leaning into his shoulder – first, instead of searching out his boyfriend’s eyes and the guilt flooded back into him.)

Looking back he knows there was something in Tommy's eyes when he helped Chimney out of the helicopter and found Buck’s eyes over Maddie’s head as she rushed towards them. A slight hesitation when Buck kissed him in front of everyone that Buck thought was just surprise at the public display in front of Buck’s parents. A flicker of sadness on his face when they swayed to the soft sounds of Islands In the Stream from Hen's phone loudspeaker in Chim's hospital room, before Tommy pulled him close enough to hide his face against the side of Buck's.

But Tommy wasn’t supposed to know, not yet, not until Buck figure out how to tell him.

Because that had never been in question, only the when and how.

Only apparently Tommy already knows.

And Buck feels like there suddenly isn’t enough air in the room to form words.

“I—I didn’t—I didn’t though, Tommy, you have to know I—”

“I know, hey, Evan, I know,” Tommy reassures and his voice is so gentle it makes something ache deep inside Buck’s chest. Maybe this would be easier if Tommy was angry. “I saw your face right after, I know you wouldn’t have done it knowingly, but for a moment there I don’t think you remembered.”

everything else, is—has been—stuck in that space between one breath and the next, flipping through every single visceral snapshot memory impression.

How he had felt terrifyingly sober for just that one moment, before letting himself fall even harder into drunkenness to forget.

That lightning strike realization when he caught on to what he was about to do, when he realized that for a second he had completely forgotten where he was and that he had a boyfriend.

(It had been so different from when he kissed Lucy, because then he had remembered Taylor for every single second of it and kissed Lucy anyways and he’s not sure if that was worse or this is.)

The fact that apparently Tommy was right there and saw that moment play out over Buck’s face? Yeah, that is definitely worse, even if Buck was immediately disgusted at himself.

Because he still almost did it and Tommy saw that too.

read the rest on AO3

#9-1-1 #911 spoilers #911 season 7 speculation #(tho I kinda don't even wanna call it spec because I don't expect it to happen like that and I kinda don't even WANT it to happen like that #this is more an exploration of a what-if and a writing exercise to get me back into it without the pressure of a big spec fic xD) #evan buckley #tommy kinard #kinkley #buddie #buddie fic #my writing #break-up #911 abc #I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THIS IS #I don't even know if I like this fic #but alas it is done and I will post it xD #I have mixed feelings about this scenario but writing it was definitely interesting so her you go <3