#ALSO MY HUSBAND KEEPS CALLING MY CATS FAT HE JUST MADE AN IMAGE WHERE HE EDITED ONE OF MY CATS INTO A CRATER IMPLYING SHE MADE IT I LOVE HIM | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hello-im-not-a-possum · 4 years

Text

Who said black cats were just bad luck? (Prompt: Stars)

Nathan Arch and Joey Drew had been ‘friends’ since the pair were young boys. Nathan was a studious child who even at a young age, took his family’s image and reputation seriously and saw supernatural forces as nothing more than silly superstition and myths. Joey on the other hand, was an energetic and mischievous little imp of a child who believed in the supernatural forces. So naturally, they hated each other on sight at first.

In childhood, the boys’ relationship was strained even further by their parents forcing them to be the best of friends when the pair barely had anything in common aside from their mutual dislike for having their afternoons, weekends, and summers being ‘wasted’ in each other’s presence.

This had led to Nathan bullying the smaller kid, nothing like punching or kicking the impish boy, Nathan Arch was no brute. But he did make fun of Joey, a lot. Most often by mocking his supernatural interests, calling them silly and childish as well as occasionally ruining the boy’s belongings whenever he was too irritated to deal with him. Joey of course didn’t take this lying down and had retaliated by playing nasty pranks on Nathan; shaking up soda bottles, putting creepy bugs in his things, drawing rude pictures into his school books, things like that.

Nathan compared the ritual circles in Joey’s father’s books to something like “wishing on a shooting star, but this one is just drawn on the ground with chalk.”, and Joey would fill his school bag with earthworms. Joey would tie Nathan’s shoes together and laugh as he fell on his face, and Nathan would throw one of Joey’s sketchbooks in a muddy puddle.

Then, ‘the incident’ happened and Joey returned from visiting Henry’s hometown with an injured leg and now had a haunted look in his eyes.

The boys’ petty rivalry was snuffed out soon afterwards; Nathan knew that guilt would eat him alive if he tried anything and Joey seemed to wrapped up in his own struggles to even bother trying to mess with Nathan. Either out of pity, guilt, or a mix of the two, Nathan did try to reach out to Joey, whether it was with a ‘get well soon’ card that came in a gift basket or seeing him in person at the hospital, but it was obvious that it was a bad idea for him to push anything further.

Whether their parents decided it was in poor taste to continue to shove them together in the hopes of them being friends or some Doctor gave an order for Joey to rest, the two drifted apart shortly after the incident.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

A few years later, Nathan Arch had gotten into a good college and was just setting up his side of the Dorm when he heard someone else come in.

“Archie? Is that you? How long has it been?!”

Turning around to face his new roommate, Nathan Arch’s eyes widened in surprise at the sight of the man he hadn’t since childhood. Joey carried around a cane now for obvious reasons, he had gone from a pipsqueak of a child to a beanstalk of a young adult, and he was a lot neater (at least, appearance-wise) than he was as an unruly little imp. But the mischievous spark had been re-lit in his eyes.

“Drew? Why, I haven’t seen you in ages!”

He hesitated for a second, what was he supposed to do? It wasn’t like he could just pretend that their history was nothing but dust under the rug, but at the same time, he’d much rather carry on a conversation that matched Joey’s upbeat tone... No, this was just like medicine, swallow it down first and fast, and then it does its job.

“Joey... About how I treated you when we were kids... I’m Sorry. It was petty and cruel of me to take out my frustrations on you when neither of us had any say in the matter of how our lives went. And I deeply regret it, I can understand if-ACK!”

He was cut off by Joey crushing him in a bear hug.

“I forgive you, you verbose, pompous airbag.”

Rolling his eyes at the insult, Nathan hugged Joey back.

Having Joey as a roommate was an... interesting experience. It was a mostly positive one as in spite of his cheerful demeanor and strong preference towards the arts as opposed to business or something of that sort, he was not a man child and did follow the rules and assigned chores of the dorms.

Compared to other students at the college, Nathan probably lucked out when he got Joey, but there was just one little thing about Joey that bothered him, nothing too serious, just a little itch of a problem.

For the most part, Joey talked about his father’s arcane tomes and spell books a lot less than he used to as a kid, but now on the once in a blue moon occasion where he did speak of the occult, he took it a lot more seriously. Perhaps even more seriously than christian priests teaching the word of God. The man treated magic how Nathan wished Joey would treat money; warning against using it frivolously, not using it when he didn’t need it, and looking into the pros and cons of each and every spell before using it.

It didn’t come up often enough for Nathan to be too nervous, but there were a few instances in college where Joey’s occultism was strongly noticeable, and not just on Halloween...

While Nathan was mature enough to keep his thoughts to himself, some things could never change. Like his views on the supernatural. He still saw magic as something fictional, but he also saw how important it was to Joey, and part of him feared that bringing up his opinions about magic would send the two back into being rivals, so he kept his mouth shut.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

While the four years of college flew by a little too quickly for Nathan’s liking, he was pleasantly surprised by how well those four years had not only repaired his and Joey’s relationship. Going from near strangers with an unpleasant history to genuine friends who kept in touch with each other even after college was just a memory in the rear-view mirror of the past. Heck, Joey even was the best man at Nathan’s wedding! And he had the pictures on his mantle piece to prove it!

Nathan was looking through a scrapbook Joey had made and sent to the happy couple as a wedding gift. It contained various pictures of the dates the two went on and the last few pages were pictures of the proposal itself. Nathan smiled as he flipped through the book, wondering what kind of gift he should make Joey in return for his own wedding (if he ever decided to marry).

But that smile fell into a concerned frown as he saw the last page; symbols he recognized from Joey’s spell books: a long forgotten language within a circle that entrapped an upside-down star. The ‘explanation’ was that this was a good luck spell wishing him and Tessa a happy future as husband and wife.

He sighed, closed the book with a little more force than he meant to, and flopped down on the couch. As if she could sense that he was upset, Tessa had come into the living room right as he tossed the book to the other end of the couch.

“Nate? What’s wrong?”

“I’m scared, Tess.”

“About Joey?”

“Yes, I had assumed that he’d grow out of this silly superstitious nonsense sometime when he genuinely matured into adulthood, but if anything, he’s gotten even worse! It’s one thing to go to church every Sunday or to read a Torah, but at best what he’s getting himself into is setting himself up to be scammed by every phony fortune teller on the block and at worse it’s genuine devil’s worship!”

Tessa nodded in sympathy.

“So do you just need to get this off your chest or do you want advice, Dear?”

Unbeknownst to the couple, a shooting star past by outside.

“Well, as much as I’d like to get advice, I don’t know what on earth could work, Joey and I were practically at each other’s throats all the time before ...his incident. While “magic” was there for him for his entire life... I want to help him out of this but I don’t want to lose him as a friend. I just wish I could understand him and why he’s so invested in all that sorcery-crap!”

“You know Nate, sometimes I feel the same way.”

“The floor’s all yours, Doll.”

“I think I can understand the appeal of just wanting to snap your fingers and make every problem you have get carried off by living furnature or whatnot but magic always seems like it’s out to get you! I wish I knew why anyone for that matter would see magic as anything other than trouble.”

The pair sighed in unison and it was Tessa’s turn to flop down on the couch.

“So Tess, where did you get the new hat?”

“New hat?” she raised an eyebrow and reached up to her head “I don’t remember getting a new ...hat...”

She took the pointed witch’s hat off of her head and looked at it in pure disbelief before looking back to her husband and practically jumping back in fear.

“Tessa?! What’s wrong?!”

“Nathan... D-don’t panic, but...” she fumbled around in her purse for her compact case before pulling it out and clicking it open, handing it over to her husband.

Nathan’s jaw dropped open by a cartoonish degree as he saw his reflection; white fur was quickly sprouting up all over his face, getting framed with black fur that spouted on the rest of his body. In a matter of mere seconds, he didn’t even look like a human being anymore! He looked more like that fat cat character in the comics he saw Joey draw.

He looked down at himself and screamed when he saw that the rest of his body had also changed, and when he looked back up to his wife, he screamed again as he realized that she too had gone under some kind of transformation.

Her normally brightly colored attire was replaced by a floor-length black dress. She was still human, or at least, much more human than he was, but she looked simplified in a sense, more like a living drawing of herself. Her pie-cut eyes were filled with concern as she saw the fear in his eyes.

“Oh don’t tell me...”

Nathan bit his lip and nodded.

#hauntober #stars #bendy and the ink machine #batim monster au #nathan arch #joey drew #tessa arch #fanfic

9 notes · View notes

punsville · 7 years

Text

Internet Puns

A great bundle of Internet puns; enjoy!

You despise Microsoft FrontPage as a web editing tool and as extensions to your webserver.

You can answer the question ‘is the internet broken’ without laughing.

You can spot the theme behind the following list: RedHat, SuSE, Debian, Caldera, Slackware.

You can feel the load a server is under without actually checking statistics. It ‘just isn’t running right’ actually makes sense.

You maintain more than four websites and do not have time for a personal web page.

You know all of the following people by reputation and can explain what they’ve done that is relevant to your world: Steve Case, Linus Torvalds, Eric Allman, Sanford Wallace.

You know what TCP/IP stands for, not to mention DNS, HTTP, SNMP, BGP, OSPF, and DUN. You like acronyms.

I think Bing could have totally crushed Google if they had called it “Bang”. I mean, think about it.. “I BANGED Emma Watson last night.”

The Internet: where men are men, women are men, and children are the FBI…

On the Internet you can be anything you want. It’s so strange that many people choose to be stupid.

Girls are like an internet virus: they enter your life, scan your pockets, transfer money, edit your mind, download their problems and delete your smile…

Chuck Norris created the World Wide Web using a typewriter. When Chuck Norris plays hide and seek, even google can’t find him.

A press release: “Yesterday, for the first time a hacker was convicted of network penetration and went to jail to serve a 12 years sentence. According to the data of the central computer of the police, the hacker goes to liberty the day after tomorrow because of expiration of the sentence.”

Justin Bieber got 100,000 retweets for tweeting “Live life full”. That’s just 3 random words. I’m going to try now. Jockstrap squirrel potatoes.

Facebook: “My kids are perfect.” Instagram: “My kids are beautiful.” Twitter: “My kids are why I drink.”

The facts on this website are Chuck Norris’ smallest acheivements. If you knew what he was really capable of, you would never sleep at night.

Teacher: If you spend all your time sitting round playing on the Internet, you’ll be fat and useless when you grow up. Pupil: Wow! You must have spent hours surfing when you were a kid!

What kind of doctor fixes broken websites? An URLologist.

My dog likes to sit down each evening and surf the Net. What an intelligent animal! Not really, it took the cat three weeks to teach him.

After I had a minor accident, the ER nurse asked my mother for my height and weight, and I blurted out, “Five-foot-eight, 125 pounds.”

While the nurse pondered over this information, my mother leaned over to me. “Sweetheart,” she gently chided, “this is not the Internet.”

What’s O. J. Simpson’s Internet address? Slash, slash, backslash, slash, slash, escape.

Can you show me how to use the Internet? I d better – otherwise you will just go round and round in circles.

Who’s the chief of the internet? E-ronimo!

Does your mum like shopping on the Internet? No, the trolley keeps rolling off the top of the computer.

How do trees get on the Internet? They log in.

A man and wife were both in an Internet business, but it was the husband who truly lived, ate and breathed computers. His wife finally realized how bad it had gotten when one day she was scratching his back, and he said “No, not there. Scroll down a little.”

Do you think we can make it a step more serious and disable network sharing? YouTube Myspace and I’ll Google your Yahoo

I won’t stop bugging you until I get the address to your home page! Roses are #FF0000, violets are #0000FF. All my base are belong to you. Baby you know this shit isn’t USB2.0..it’s firewire! Do you like the internet? Cause I can put you on there if you come back to my place. Is your name google? (Why?) Because you have exactly what I’m looking for!

How’d you like to come to MySpace so I can Twitpic your Yahoo until you tweet my Tumblr and I Google all over your Facebook!

I wish you were DSL so I could get high speed access

Is their WiFi in hear because I feel a strong connection

Baby, if they made you in Java, you’d be the object of my desire.

If I was a Facebook Status, would you like me?

How’d you like to come to MySpace so I can Twitter you with my Yahoo until I Google on your FaceBook?

Hey baby, let’s turn off our firewalls and connect our Ethernet cable. Want to see my Red Hat?

You know where the email settings are in Internet Mail, Outlook Express, Pegasus, Eudora, Netscape Mail, Messenger Mailbox, and you don’t use any of those programs for personal use.

You know more phone numbers to modem banks than you know phone numbers to people. You can name two web browsers other than Netscape or Microsoft’s. You find telnet a helpful daily tool instead of wondering what it is for.

You loathe the dancing baby and other large file attachments sent through email to unsuspecting users who can’t pick them up off the server and then have to call and whine that their email doesn’t work anymore.

Enjoyed these Internet puns? Check also:

Cute Puns

Cheesy Puns

The post Internet Puns appeared first on PunsVille.

Source: via Puns Ville http://ift.tt/2pPsI8M Best, Good, Internet

#Best #Good #Internet

0 notes

iamimprovhearmerawr-blog · 7 years

Text

Feel free to ignore this post

I gave in and started a tumblr because I was recommended ages ago to blog as a form of self-help therapy. Medication, music, story writing and my friends and loved ones have helped me tremendously, so I didn’t think I needed to. In light of the past couple years, however, I’m beginning to think that I need this. So below will be a compilation of all the BS I’ve been dealing with in my life and just need to get out of my system.

1. I’ve had severe depression and anxiety since I was 8 years old (I’m now 22). And no, it has nothing to do with self-image. Even though I am overweight and have glasses and am nerdy, I don’t think poorly of the way I look.

2. My mother, who I love and respect dearly and has always been there for me in the past, refuses to believe that her only child has a mental illness and says that she knows better than I do about what I’m going through because she’s (a) older than me and (b) been a working nurse for 38 years now.

3. My father behaves as though as the entire world is in the wrong and he is the sole enforcer to correct everyone else, including my mother and I. This also means that if he is contradicted, there are severe consequences resulting in mental and emotional abuse.

4. I have been taught growing up that my thoughts, opinions and feelings do not matter unless I am asked about them directly. And God forbid I speak when not spoken to.

5. When I was 9 my best friend got really sick with brain cancer. I watched him slowly deteriorate until it came to a point where he not only couldn’t walk anymore but also didn’t recognize my face. Early in the 3rd grade school year I received a call from him at home asking if I would come to visit him in the hospital. I was afraid to see him so sick, and more afraid that he wouldn’t recognize me, so I told him that I would some other time. He died the next day.

6. When I was 10 I overheard my parents arguing, and amidst the argument my father said that he never wanted a daughter.

7. When I was 13 I was nearly raped in the school gym. He and a couple buddies wanted to see if “Fat Albert had boobs.” If it wasn’t for a friend of mine, unknowingly helping me through gym class, I probably wouldn’t be here today.

8. When I was 16 I was nearly raped again by a boy I had met a church camp and went on one date with to the movies. I should have known he was bad news. Not only was he unwilling to tell his friends and family about me, but he had 2 other girlfriends while I knew him that he dated at the same time. And he had sex with a friend of mine.

9. I started cutting at age 16 and continued to do so until my 3rd year of college. Across my stomach so that no one would see.

10. At age 17 my aunt died from HIV and liver failure. I called her a month prior to check on her and she told me that she would die in peace because, even though she told me growing up that I was just like her, I never actually became like her. It still stings today.

11. That same month a long-distance friend of mine committed suicide. I hadn’t reached out to him in over a year.

12. At 19 my best friend from high school told me that our friendship in the past meant nothing to her and that she wanted to start her life over with new friends. We go to the same college.

13. That same year my beloved pet cat Frosty died at the age of 18. She waited to pass away until the day after I left for college. I never cried so hard in my life.

14. That same year I learned that my mother had 2 husbands before my father and he had 3 wives. Not only that, but he continued to pay child support for the son of his first wife when he isn’t even his kid. Nowerdays, he spends his money on the “latest and greatest” bowling balls.

15. I started birth control at age 21 that caused me to develop a blood clot that spanned from the middle of my thigh down the entire back of my leg to my ankle. I was on blood thinners and had to wear a compression sock for 7 months.

16. That same year my dog Mandy and my bearded dragon Mateo both passed away within a month from each other.

17. This past June I developed a pseudo brain tumor that caused the fluid pressure in my head to skyrocket to the point that not only did I have massive headaches that made me cry constantly (and I have a high pain tolerance), but I also lost sight in my left eye. The doctors at the ER had to do a spinal tap to relieve the pressure and put me on diaretics to keep the fluid out of my system.

18. The pseudo tumor caused permanent scarring in my eyes and blank spots in my vision that will never return.

19. The diaretics had a horrible side effect that caused mild confusion and cramping of muscles in limbs. I remember one day that I got scared because I briefly did not recognize the sound of my own voice. I had to be on these pills for 8 months (my last day will be Valentine’s Day).

20. My best friend at college became distant with me and treated me like crap for so long that I decided to call it quits with her and focus on taking care of myself. For some reason, she is now out to get me by trying to end my relationship that I have with my fiance, saying that I am “emotionally abusive toward him and am too emotionally unstable” (she thinks this because I cry around him a lot, but in reality he’s the only one I feel comfortable enough to cry in front of because he’s the only one who hasn’t abandoned me). In her latest attempt, she tried to convince him that I don’t have depression but instead have Borderline Personality Disorder and therefore he needed to leave me ASAP. Newsflash: just because I stopped being her friend doesn’t mean I have BPD. Also, I have seen 3 different doctors who all agree that I have severe depression and anxiety, not BPD.

21. My favorite uncle lately has been treating me and my family like crap for not being around to help my grandma who is suffering from dementia. We live in a different state.

22. And finally, I was stupid enough to put all my eggs in one basket by applying for only one grad school, and got denied even though all of my credentials are stellar. So now it looks like my fiance and I will have to move in with my parents for a while, which is a pretty toxic environment.

So, there you have it. I am a complete wreck and struggle daily with various crap that is thrown my way by Fate getting a kick out of seeing me fall further and further down the pit of despair. The solace that I have in my life is knowing that some day soon my fiance and I will be able to start our lives together and become even closer than we are currently (which is pretty difficult considering we are nearly attached at the hip). I can’t wait to finally be married to him and be able to start a family with him. That is my life’s calling.

0 notes