#I didn't do anything for it today (I'm busy and my uni doesn't let us off for the holiday)

[welcometogrouchland]

Trick or treat 👁️👁️

I eated it :(

[ID in alt]

#ramblings of a lunatic #happy halloween to all those who celebrate #I didn't do anything for it today (I'm busy and my uni doesn't let us off for the holiday) #but i watched scary movies w friends a few days ago #honestly halloween has been a bit of a non event this year for me i have straight up been too busy #fighting for my life trying to find seasonal joy between meetings and classes and groceries and sweeping the floors #anyway. yes this is the brilliant joke that took me hours to think up/make #until it was actually 18 mins past midnight making it not Halloween anymore #i think it was worth it #also i need to post art so bad but I'm looking at everything like. oh this is garbage and/or requires paragraphs of context. schwoopsie #I'm. working on it okay? #i don't wanna dissapear of the face of the internet rn just bc I'm busy with schoolwork #but god. the cave of knowledge (uni) tests me everyday #this was done in ibispaint on my phone btw

[cult-of-the-eye]

tma makeup headcanons:

Jonathan "serving cunt" Sims:

S1 Jon doesn't know what makeup is (he absolutely wore eyeliner every single day at uni but he's not letting everyone else know that)

He like spot conceals but that's about all he feels comfortable getting away with while maintaining his air of professionalism

He also despises the feeling of foundation on his face

S2 Jon is barefaced as the day he was born. My man's last priority is how he looks, he's too busy buying axes in central London and stalking his coworkers

S3 Jon has none of his makeup with him but he's got loads of spare time and Georgie has a whole drawer so he experiments a little bit, he goes for Kajal (black pencil eyeliner lining the inside of your eyes) instead of his previous winged eyeliner but he hesitates at the any colour because she managed to pull it off but he's never been one for drawing attention to himself like that but one day he goes for a burgundy or like dark purplish red colour and he's quite pleased with himself

I feel like Jon would go for a natural kind of look, with concealer and a skin tint at best, some dark brown eye shadow to deepen his hooded eyes and kajal

Martin Kslaying Blackwood:

Ugh I love this man so much

I'm literally such a fan of trans Martin it's pretty much canon to me so I'm headcanoning that he's very hesitant about makeup cause he was a late transitioner and had only just gotten used to passing recently so he doesn't want to do anything to risk that

But he's such a slut for a nice little blush or like a subtle lip tint

He goes for powder blushes cause liquid ones feel sticky on his face and also powder blushes just Look Nice

He also likes lip tints cause he's constantly rubbing off lip products, with the multiple mugs of tea a day and it's getting awkward handing Jon mugs of tea with faint lipstick stains on them

He keeps an emergency kit in his bag with like some eyeshadow if he needs to darken his facial hair and on a whim he puts a baby pink powder blush in there and a matching lip tint

So it's not like he decided to bring it to the safehouse, it was just sort of there

Jon finds it and he's like let's go, we're going down to the shops and buying some, we're gonna do some experimenting and Martin's like oh!!

When he was working for Peter Lukas, he was also barefaced, he didn't want to give him the satisfaction of thinking he put effort in

Timothy "Take notes" Stoker:

This man is such a fun makeup guy

He's a random dots around his eyes, shimmery colourful inner corner, new colour every day, just drawing shit around his eyes kinda man

He's a no foundation no concealer kinda guy as well I think

ugh just can you imagine??? They have a little tally of what colours/patterns Tim's using today and somehow he never managed to repeat a look - it might be a repeated colour but the pattern or the way it's used it's always different

And then one day he just stops. He still wears makeup but the colours are more muted and they make his eyes look bruised in a very decisive way

It's almost as if he's spent ages on a look and then tried to scrub it all away

Sashay Away James

She's such a glamorous girly I feel like she really enjoys the process of makeup more than actually changing the way she looks

I'd love her to be doing the whole shebang, spending hours picking the right primer and stuff like that

She goes for the yeah I'm wearing makeup and I'm slaying look

I feel like she's so good at a little nose highlight

Can you imagine every day Tim greeting Sasha every morning with like a love the highlight girl and it makes her happy every single time

Oh she's such a fake freckles girly absolutely

Hated false eyelashes cause they feel weird

Not Sasha believes makeup is pushing feminism backwards

#ugh i love gender fuckery archives #ive made every single archival staff autistic in my head #tma #the magnus archives #jonathan sims #martin k blackwood #tim stoker #sasha james #tma headcanons #archival assistants #not sasha #brown jonathan sims #desi jonathan sims

[seacottons]

— uni with atz pt. two

notes: swearing, fluff, mildly suggestive dialogue. tags: @latte-fairytaekwoon

seonghwa — [ early edu. + developmental psych. ]

extremely organized in all aspects of his life

your bookshelf at home consists of books on developmental studies in children.

if he isn't in class or volunteering, he's either cuddling with you or reading.

stressed 24/7.

takes very pretty and neat notes.

randomly spits out facts throughout the day.

sometimes, you join him during his volunteer hours at various daycares and schools.

is all the children's favorite teacher.

extremely patient and soft-spoken when it comes to working with even the most difficult child.

also loves being called 'teacher hwa'.

"i don't know, if i were you, i would make the students call me king san."

"they'll probably end up bullying you," seonghwa replies back.

you don't know how he has the patience for the amount of children he has to take care of.

takes you picture-book shopping with him for his students.

finds himself singing nursery rhymes while cooking or cleaning.

has polaroids of you two stuck on the fridge.

brings lint rollers to work.

gets worked up in public if a parent seems too neglectful in any way.

"y/n!" he tugs at your elbow and points with his jaw to the right, "look! his kid is just spilled all that paint on the floor, and he didn't even bat an eyelash!?"

"don't intervene again, please."

"okay, but-"

the whining of metal and steel cut him off, and the two of you jump in fright at the sound of a shelf falling apart.

"some people really shouldn't have kids."

whines when he comes back home that the paint stain and glitter just won't come off his clothes no matter how many times he rubs the spots with warm water.

or how he has mulch stuck in his socks and shoes from taking the kids outdoors to play.

you somehow always end up finding a googly eye or specks of glitter under the couch.

sometimes brings home finger-paintings with numerous colorful hearts and two stick figures in the middle.

"today's assignment was to paint what makes you happy."

you also help him stitch up little felt and cotton dolls for the kids to keep.

often gets sick from working with children.

and passes it onto you by accident.

you know he's had a bad day when you ask him how it went, and his face scrunches up in pain.

stormed into your shared apartment one day and made a beeline to the bathroom.

forty minutes later, he comes out, towel wrapped around his hips, face and chest flushed, and explains that a child accidentally peed on him.

gets flustered when you laugh at his demise.

sometimes uses his teacher voice when scolding you or your mutual friends.

and you all end up teasing him more anyway.

"do you use that tone in bed too, hwa?" yeosang asks one day. mingi and yunho splutter out in disbelief, followed by loud laughter.

you choked on your bite of cake at the sudden remark.

"what did i ever do to deserve this slander," seonghwa grumbles whilst patting your back.

he often stays up late making lesson plans for both his classes and ones to implement at work as well.

takes full advantage of his teacher's discount at shops and restaurants.

sometimes brags about it to his friends to get under their skin.

"you have it easy. just watching kids and getting free food," san says one day in the middle of their game of jenga.

"it's not easy at all," you hear seonghwa reprimand the younger, and laughter rings out from the other four guests.

"you're learning about children! what's so hard-"

you had a hunch that seonghwa purposely tilted the wooden tower to tumble over an unsuspecting san.

"y/n! your boyfriend is trying to murder me!"

seonghwa paces in circles around your apartment whilst studying for an upcoming exam.

asks you to quiz him on certain materials.

"correct! okay, can you define the preoperational stag-"

"how many kids do you want to have in the future?"

"..what?"

"kids. how many do you want to have with me?" he presses further, eyes trained on your face rather intently.

"can't this conversation wait until you finish studying?"

"no. i'm too curious," he licks at his chapped lips and leans in to poke your forehead, "i need to know. this is important information. please."

yeosang — [ biology pre-med ]

met you through your mutual friend, wooyoung, who invited him to live in your shared dorm.

"you didn't tell me you have a dog?" yeosang turns to wooyoung, brow quirked up whilst pointing to the 'beware of dog' sign on one of the bedroom doors.

"oh, i don't. i just put that up to mess with y/n," wooyoung dismissively explained while making a sandwich.

is the reason why you and wooyoung haven't killed each other yet.

asked you out after five months of moving with you and wooyoung.

designated one of the kitchen's shelves as a medical supply closet.

"because wooyoung always ends up hurting himself without doing anything."

"i do not."

stress is his middle name.

constantly contemplates his life decisions.

"wooyoung! shut up! i can't finish my essay with you blabbering every damn second!"

you had to get used to the sight of a full sized anatomical skeleton in his room.

"okay, but i'm not letting you fuck me with that thing in here."

later that night, wooyoung's heart nearly burst in his chest from fright.

"yeosang! why the fuck is your skeleton in my room!?"

some nights, during dinner, yeosang slams his obnoxiously large textbooks onto the table, and insists for the two of you to quiet down while he skims over the pages a few times.

"can't you just enjoy your meal for five-"

"no. now hush."

not only does he have labs, presentations, and essays to worry about, but he also got accepted for a pre-med internship at a local hospital.

hardly goes out anymore during his free time.

most dates include cuddling on the couch or baking something in the kitchen.

stays up late at night to complete assignments.

towers of thick books decorate his nightstand.

"no, yeosang. i really don't want to see you dissecting a cat," you grimace, turning quickly and shielding your eyes from his phone.

"why not?" yeosang whines softly, hand tugging the hem of your shirt with a frown, "it's not that bad, i promise-"

he's cut off when wooyoung snatches the phone from him with a loud cry, "gross! y/n, you're letting him touch you after he touched that?! and fuck- what is that smell?"

"that's formaldehyde. now give me back my phone before i dissect you next."

you join him at the lab when he has extra work piled up.

"you look so cute with a white coat and goggles."

you prod and poke him repeatedly, asking him numerous questions about the specimens in the lab.

"y/n! don't touch that!"

one day, wooyoung comes home sick.

you insist on taking him to see a doctor, only for him to emit a haughty laugh at you.

"why would i waste my time and money when i have yeosang here?"

"but woo, he didn't even get into med-school yet-"

wooyoung insists he doesn't need to see a professional, "yeosang is practically our live-in doctor! why do you think i begged him to move in?"

you roll your eyes, calling for yeosang to persuade the younger male.

"alright, tell me your symptoms," your boyfriend sighs, plopping down onto the couch beside you and wrapping an arm around your shoulders.

after wooyoung explains everything and takes his own temperature, he peers at yeosang for an answer, "well?"

"you're dying," yeosang nods simply.

wooyoung's visage pales, and he scrambles to sit up on the couch with a disturbed expression.

"what?"

yeosang is always studying.

always.

studying.

you insist for him to take a break sometimes.

"i can't. i have lab tomorrow. oh, and a paper."

"but you always say that!"

you attempt to tug him out of his seat.

"come on! just for an hour, and we'll be back. promise."

he's always reluctant at first, but finds himself agreeing later anyway.

enjoys the small dates at the nearby lake probably more than you do.

mingi — [ accounting ]

a gifted genius when it comes to numbers.

is your very own math tutor.

jokingly asks you to pay him back.

he accepts kisses and hugs. baked pastries are also a bonus.

"y/n? are you okay?" a hand waves in front of your face.

you blink at him wordlessly, mind fogged from the bombardment of information you just received, "sorry- you lost me. can you repeat the process again?"

he playfully smacks your shoulder with the ruler and stomps his bare feet onto the tiled floor, "this is the third time!"

"i'm sorry! you know how i am with math!"

he begs you to take classes with him as electives.

"sorry, baby. i love you, but there's no way i'll ever take statistics."

"okay, what about economics?"

"no."

"management? business administration!?"

"no and no."

"but y/n! it'll be fun! you'll be with me!"

always whines about how much he hates having to take 'stupid management classes' and the group projects that come along with them.

"they never take the assignments seriously!"

said group visits your apartment to work on projects with mingi.

"aren't you supposed to be working on that project?"

you watch as mingi and his friends suddenly erupt in an explosive argument about the game they were currently playing.

"yeosang! what the fuck!?"

"it's y/n's fault mingi was distracted!"

you let out an indignant squawk and glare at yeosang.

"that round didn't count."

"stop being a sore loser, san!"

"so.. i take it you didn't even start?" you grimace, peering over to the untouched books and papers on the coffee table.

"it's just management class. no big deal," san explains quickly with a dismissive wave of his hand before nudging your boyfriend with a glare, "you better not make us lose this time, or i'll kidnap y/n."

stays up late to finish other work that's due.

loves to wear big spectacles when studying.

it 'helps him focus'.

writes notes on his calculator and slides it towards you while you're both home studying.

'n-3^07-!'

"mingi, what is that?"

"read it upside down, you bum."

has a coffee mug with 'i love π' in big, bold, red letters.

refuses to throw it away even though the rim is chipped.

always bugs you about how you should have a budget plan.

insists on teaching you how to make spreadsheets on excel.

"i can't do this, mingi. too much numbers give me a headache."

"do you want my lucky glasses?"

rambles on about things related to his field, and you can only nod in confusion every time.

"how does your brain keep up with all of this?"

"easy. just be one with the numbers."

"that was a bad pun.."

"you're supposed to laugh!"

mingi was that typical student who complained about studying, but is always the one acing everything with the highest score.

"i should just quit university and become a stripper."

"you say that every exam week, and yet, you always pass with the highest grades," you mumble from the other side of the couch, absentmindedly highlighting a few sentences in your book.

"yeah, but studying is a pain in the ass," he exhaled with a loud groan, head thrown back against the back of the couch, "why me, y/n?"

you roll your eyes while reaching over to pat the side of his face in comfort.

"everything will work out just fine."

later that week, he joyfully bounces into your apartment with a large grin plastered on his face, "guess what?"

you snort in amusement.

"let me take a wild guess. you aced your exam."

"and guess who has the highest score?" he tugged you forward by your cheeks with a bright grin.

"yeosang?" the cheery expression on his features suddenly vanished, causing you to laugh, "i'm kidding."

likes to study while attached to your side, wearing comfortable pajamas and warm socks.

sulks whenever his stock investments drop further than he expects.

and is always in a good mood whenever the prices spike back up.

always has a horrible math pun up his sleeve.

sends you accounting memes and becomes a gloomy mess when you don't laugh or understand the joke.

"what if i propose to you with a math problem? and we have pie instead of cake?"

"please don't bring math into our love life."

yunho — [ broadcasting journalism ]

roommates with you, hongjoong, and jongho.

is called 'newspaper boy' by hongjoong.

is well-known around campus for being one of the student journalists for the university's newspaper.

you have the very first published paper, with his full name printed on the front, framed in the hallway of your dorm.

has the prettiest hands.

and longest fingers you've ever seen.

can put them to good use.

especially when typing out essays. they're practically blurred from how swift he is.

likes to ramble about current international events to jongho early in the morning. the latter pretends to understand, giving the other false hope.

jongho always sends you a pleading look to save you from your lover.

always carries a notebook.

article deadlines = stressed yunho.

complains that his friends are 'uncultured'.

helps you with your essays.

if he has enough time, he'll actually re-write it for you.

"was it really that bad?"

"it's okay, baby. you're good at other things."

"how come you don't re-write my papers?" jongho huffs from across the living room.

"you're not y/n."

interviews you and your other roommates for his projects.

you smile from behind him as he zooms in obnoxiously close to hongjoong's disgruntled expression.

"he zoomed in on my nose again, didn't he?" the blue haired male asks you.

"sorry, but that tomato sauce stain is really distracting me."

hongjoong nearly drops his fork.

"what stain!?" he furiously rubs his face with the back of his hand, "see! i told you that you always interview us at the most inconvenient time!"

is constantly writing.

can be very unorganized.

"who took my ap stylebook!?"

"can you stop shouting? it's 6 a.m., yunho!" hongjoong growls from his bedroom.

mingi and seonghwa often visit your dorm because they're usually partnered with yunho for an assignment.

it somehow always winds up with mingi and yunho fooling around, whilst seonghwa struggles to persuade them to help him with the work.

sometimes, you tag along to help film his public social experiment projects.

is a social-bug, so people are instantly drawn to him.

likes to cuddle with you while watching the films for his assignments.

you think most of them are pretty boring, but being in his lap and tucked against his chest makes up for it.

you like to add glittery stickers onto his video camera and tripod.

is very much infatuated with you, so he doesn't mind one bit.

applied for a paid broadcasting radio station/tv internship over the summer and was quickly accepted.

asks you to help him style his hair for his first day at work.

"but it's just a radio station. no one's going to see you?" jongho questions with a perplexed expression.

"i still need to look presentable!"

and later that day you quickly hush the two males beside you once the clock strikes 2 p.m.

"quiet! yunho should be on any second now!"

"i was just breathing?" hongjoong whispers weakly.

over dinner, jongho often mimics yunho's reporting voice.

"y/n, do i really sound like that?" yunho pouts as you and hongjoong burst into fits of laughter.

"aw, don't be sad. i love your reporter voice, baby."

will wake everyone up early the next morning by yelling at the top of his lungs with his reporter voice just to get back at you three for laughing at him.

#ateez reactions #ateez scenarios #ateez imagines #ateez x reader #yunho x reader #yunho scenarios #yunho imagines #seonghwa x reader #seonghwa imagines #seonghwa scenarios #seonghwa fluff #yunho fluff #ateez fluff #ateez uni au #mingi x reader #yeosang x reader #yeosang scenarios #yeosang imagines #mingi imagines #mingi scenarios #mingi fluff #yeosang fluff #kang yeosang #song mingi #park seonghwa #jeong yunho

[punkscowardschampions]

Savannah & Jac

Savannah: How is it going? Savannah: I'm so proud of you for working at this with her, I just wanted you to know that Jac: 😖 ugh, THANK YOU 🙏 Jac: I'm really trying Jac: and she's being a LOT better today Jac: more like herself Jac: she still hasn't said what's really going on, but maybe she isn't even sure herself, you know? 😕 Jac: we'll get to the bottom of it Jac: how are you, honey? ❤ Savannah: 🙌🏾 I'm BEYOND happy for you both 🙌🏾 Savannah: Ty is being more like himself too, today must be fated Savannah: it's such a relief, isn't it? Jac: I am BEYOND glad Jac: I do not know what was in the water but we can both finally breathe out so that's the main thing Savannah: I know right?! I feel more centred than I have in forever Jac: It's nice not to be so stressed Jac: I had no idea the tension I was holding, honestly Savannah: Baby 😔 Savannah: I had an idea but there's been no time to give you a massage, we're always working Jac: and I love it Jac: but other people still demanding time we don't have now is like Jac: 😬 Savannah: ^^ so true Savannah: I feel like I constantly have to choose between Sienna & Ty Jac: Right? There's always someone to be let down Savannah: excuse me whilst I essentially tear myself in half & still manage to somehow hurt either of you more in the process Jac: 😔 Jac: Ty should really learn a little more self-sufficiency in this situation Jac: like Amelia Jac: Sienna, that's different Jac: but you two are in a partnership, that's meant to make things easier, not harder Savannah: it's my own fault, I love him so much that I can't help but make everything easier for him even if it means things are harder for me as a direct result Jac: he's still meant to return the favour Savannah: & he does, he just doesn't always realise exactly what I do need, which is my fault too Jac: I can't see that Jac: you're beyond communicative Jac: and when you're not, that means there's a problem Savannah: Honesty is important but so is maintaining the image he has of me, I cultivated it, I can't just let it go when it's not as effortless as it looks Jac: but you, actually you, are perfect Jac: if he didn't love you for all of you, he'd be just Jac: wrong Savannah: No I'm not Jac: Not like you have no flaws or can do no wrong Jac: but you're so caring and loving and you'll do anything for anyone, especially the people you care about Jac: and even at your lowest, you still try to keep positive, and see the way out and forward Jac: and when you do make mistakes, it's because of all of these things about you that are so amazing Savannah: You're perfect, I don't even know what to say or what response would come close Jac: I'm far from it Jac: I do things sometimes, just to be cruel because I feel bad Jac: I try not to but I still do Jac: and I don't look after anyone the way you do Savannah: you look after me Savannah: & Isabelle & Amelia Savannah: we all take so much from you & you never complain because you're too busy giving us more of you Savannah: that makes me feel bad Jac: You shouldn't feel bad, you give me so much back too Jac: when you're already stretched Jac: and it doesn't feel anything like work with you Jac: it's natural, easy Jac: but still worthwhile Savannah: It's the same for me, with you, everything else may feel like a demand on my time or a stressful obligation, but that's not how I feel about you Jac: that makes me happy to hear that Jac: I swear, other people didn't used to feel like this much work Savannah: I don't know why it's so different Savannah: why you're the only person who sees through who I have to be to who I actually am Jac: It's like Jac: I feel a million miles or years or lives ahead of everyone else but you Jac: it's not even arrogance I just Jac: they don't get it Savannah: ^^^^ Savannah: it's exhausting Jac: trying to be on their level, care about what they care about Jac: when there's so much more important things to be thinking or doing Jac: I'm really struggling Savannah: what can I do? Jac: See? 🥺 Jac: this is why I love you Jac: I just wanna be with you again, then we'll both feel better and like this world actually makes sense Savannah: where has she even taken you? I'll come & get you right now Jac: we hung out most of the day and just chilled but we've gone out for dinner, [a place] Savannah: okay, I'll be there once the bill hits the table Savannah: come out when you're ready Jac: Okay, that's not an issue, we're near mine, ish, so I didn't need a lift from her dad or anything Savannah: I'll wait for you at home then Jac: That's so cute Jac: imagine how perfect our Uni flat will be Savannah: 😊 Savannah: I'll make a start on my moodboard Jac: we can do a dream shop when I get back Savannah: oh my god, we have to Savannah: but I promise I'll FINALLY give you that massage too, because I have no doubt your goodbye with Amelia will be stressful Jac: At least she can't ask for a sleepover reasonably when it's Monday tomorrow Jac: because yeah Jac: I cannot when a massage is on offer 😍👼🏾 Savannah: I can though, can't I? Savannah: I don't ever want to leave you, but especially not to go back to my house Jac: Of course you can Jac: we'll be sensible so we can still get up in the morning Savannah: 👼🏾 I swear Jac: I trust you Jac: I got a new night-time tea, it's really relaxing, you'll ❤ it Savannah: that sounds amazing, I've been having the most intense dreams when I do sleep Jac: at least your brain is processing everything and storing it away Jac: even if that's exhausting Jac: you'll be having sweet dreams so soon Jac: but in the meantime, I'll do everything I can to help Savannah: this is literally the evidence that you're as caring & loving & positive as you believe I am Savannah: I don't even dream when I'm with Ty, which I used to think was a nice thing, because I felt so safe but now it just feels like I switch off when he doesn't need me Jac: oh 😔 I don't love that Savannah: It sounds horrible, I know Savannah: & it would kill him to hear me say so Jac: No, it's not horrible, it's how you feel Savannah: he hasn't given me any reason to feel like that though, it's my crazy Jac: not on purpose, I'm sure Savannah: What have you noticed? You can tell me Jac: Well, even if doesn't ask you to prioritize him and his happiness at all times Jac: he still lets you Jac: I'm sure he doesn't realize but it still happens Savannah: oh Jac: like, I'm not having a go at him, or you, because you know you do it and you know why Jac: but he really SHOULD be thinking more about it, you Savannah: of course Jac: I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything Savannah: I asked for your perspective because I need it, you have nothing to apologise for Savannah: & you're right Savannah: I just don't know what to do about it Jac: I don't want to sound like THAT friend Jac: he's great, in lots of ways Jac: but I couldn't say I hadn't noticed, when I had, it would be a disservice to you both Jac: it needs to be brought to his attention somehow, but outright saying it would probably feel...cruel? Savannah: I understand & I totally trust in the kind of friend I know you are Jac: ❤❤ Jac: We will work this out Jac: but we need time to 💭 on it Savannah: We need a time out from it first, the last thing I want to do is bring your stress levels back up after you've finally had a break through with Amelia Savannah: I refuse to be THAT friend Jac: we don't need to think about it any more tonight Jac: we can just think about our future and how amazing it will be Savannah: thank god I still have the ability to look forward without my future solely depending upon him Jac: ^^ no matter what, we're never those kind of girls Savannah: 👏🏾🙌🏾 Jac: I've text my parents so they won't be shook to see you Jac: not that they are these days 🥰 Savannah: I'll pick them something up to thank them as well when I get your presents for you Jac: Presents? for me? Savannah: 🥰 surprises, yes Jac: you're the best surprise Jac: I didn't think we'd get to see each other today Savannah: I wasn't sure if we'd even get chance to talk properly Jac: I know Jac: and I hate that Jac: I worry about you when we can't keep in touch Savannah: I hate the idea of you worrying about me, but I feel the exact same way Savannah: I dread to think how awful I'll have done on my homework because I couldn't stop thinking about you Jac: you're too smart to ever mess up too bad Jac: but we can doublecheck 😋 Savannah: what your compliments do for my self worth they don't do for my concentration span, so whilst the offer to check my work is appreciated, I'm not sure how well it'd be received Savannah: unless I'm sitting there with my eyes closed & you're in silence Jac: I think I can manage stunned silence in your presence quite easily Jac: we can make it work Savannah: you really do have an answer for everything, I love that about you Jac: it's easy to be sure with you Savannah: I wish we could be together all the time, there wouldn't be any room for doubt for me then either Jac: so rude of my parents to overdo it with the kids 🙄 Savannah: so rude of my parents to exist if they were going to use that existence to destroy everything they built, including my faith, trust & sense of security Savannah: if they were better people you could just stay here Jac: I don't know how it doesn't break their hearts Jac: and make them change and be better Jac: because I can't 😢 Savannah: they'd have to heal from the heartbreak they inflicted upon each other first & they have a lot of work to do before that'll happen Savannah: my mother doesn't have anything left for me & my dad doesn't have anything to offer that I want Jac: So true Jac: inherited trauma is the hardest Jac: and I don't have an answer for that, I really, really wish I did Savannah: you are an answer to that Savannah: you make me feel like I did before any of this happened Jac: I'm going to take care of you Jac: and the you that's still that little girl Savannah: we used to be so close, me & my dad Savannah: I don't understand how he could do this Jac: Even if he didn't love your mum anymore, in the way he did before Jac: the way he's handled it all Savannah: I would literally move heaven & earth to make things work with Ty, do anything to avoid hurting him, under no illusion that we're unlikely to be together forever Savannah: he can't have ever loved her, me or Sienna Jac: He must have thought it would have hurt MORE to stay Jac: I'm not saying he's right, or it excuses it Savannah: maybe it would Jac: I just really think he does love you guys Jac: and that doesn't have to change how you think or feel about him, at all, and that's not why I would say it Jac: the situation is still the same Jac: but it's rare the intentions are that bad, people do what they think is right, or they do the wrong thing out of hurt, like your mum right now Savannah: I know you want that for me, for me to be loved, I love you for it Jac: You are loved, by lots of people Jac: me being the chief one, of course Savannah: I'm trying so hard to remind myself that he isn't his mistakes but I can't forgive them when his actions make me feel like I am one of said mistakes Savannah: & my mum reinforces that every time she can't bear to look at me Jac: I can't begin to imagine how hurtful that is Jac: and how much that must occupy your head, and how hard you must have to fight every day to not be consumed by those thoughts and feelings Jac: all I can and will continue to do is be here for you, whenever and in whatever capacity you need Savannah: all my life she's told me how beautiful I am, but now all that matters is how much I resemble him Savannah: what am I supposed to do? Jac: You're still beautiful Jac: and you're always going to look like him Jac: do you want to change your appearance? Savannah: No, but I want to be able to look at myself in the mirror again without feeling as awful as I do when my mum tells me to get out of her room Jac: just because she's the victim in her narrative with your dad Jac: doesn't mean she's not also capable of perpetuating unhealthy behaviour Jac: that isn't okay, to make you feel like that Savannah: I know, but she's incapable of having a conversation about it right now, medicated or not Jac: Does your aunt have any more luck with her? Jac: or can you vent to your aunt about her? Savannah: I can but that doesn't mean I feel comfortable doing it Jac: That makes sense Jac: there's always the uncertainty of where the information will end up, or if any judgment is silently being passed Savannah: ^^ Savannah: you're the only person I want to talk to Jac: we can stay up and talk Jac: School can be completed with one eye shut Jac: this is more important right now Savannah: we have to talk about you too, it's always me Jac: Okay, I can always call upon all my problems at any time Savannah: for instance, where is Jude going to be when we're having this deep & meaningful conversation? Jac: Cammie is at her mum's, Jude can take her bed Jac: I'll take the heat if Cam is mad about it Savannah: okay Jac: I'll make them share full-time and then you can move in Jac: sorted Savannah: & when I move in, I'll take the puppies to bed with us & take the blame if your parents are upset Jac: they can't talk Jac: they give it all that about training and rules and boundaries Jac: but there was always a dog in the bed when we used to sneak in in the morning as kids Savannah: 😄 Savannah: I can't wait to have a family like yours Jac: How many kids do you want? Jac: or more importantly, puppies? 😋 Savannah: More than 👶🏾👶🏾 obviously Savannah: & they'll each have their own 🐶 or 🐱 or both however many of them there are Jac: Aww, that's sweet Jac: I think two can be kind of perfect Jac: but they have to be the right two Savannah: so is that how many you want? Jac: I don't think much about that part of my future Jac: I don't know if I'd be a good parent Savannah: Well you have to, because who else are my 👶🏾👶🏾👶🏾👶🏾 going to be best friends with? Isabelle's children? I don't think so Jac: 😂😂 okay, fair point Jac: we cannot have that Savannah: & of course you're going to be 🧚🏻 godmother to them all because I can't trust anyone else if anything ever happened to me Jac: 🥺🥺 Jac: I will spoil them so hard, I promise Savannah: nobody else would be able to tell them what I'm really like, nobody knows me like you do Jac: You'll make me cry Jac: I don't wanna think about you ever not being here Jac: but I'd make sure they knew how much you loved them, and how incredible you were so they love you as much, always Savannah: I'll be with you forever, even if I do die first, because I love you that much too Jac: [don't actually cry in front of Amelia omg] Jac: I love you so much as well Jac: and we're paying up Jac: so I won't be long now 🙌 Savannah: that is perfect timing because I just arrived at your house Savannah: there was such a long queue in the shop Jac: So rude Jac: people are EXTRA with the Christmas shopping from like mid-october now Jac: thank god we aren't working retail Savannah: ^^^^^^^ Savannah: & this boy in front of me keep trying to flirt, it was so embarrassing Savannah: I have a boyfriend & I'm having a breakdown, excuse me Jac: The lack of awareness so many boys have is ALARMING Savannah: I almost wish I had started crying as he started speaking, he wouldn't have known where to look Jac: That would be kind of iconic Jac: but not worth the mascara Savannah: next time maybe, if I've gone makeup free Jac: or you could bring out some of the sign language I teach you Jac: it's very useful for that Savannah: 😄 true Savannah: are you going to teach me some more when you come home? Jac: We totally can Savannah: I'd like to Jac: why is it that whatever we do together, it's just the best time Jac: I'm really excited to see you Savannah: I know what you mean, I feel like a different person from who I was earlier Savannah: my mood has lifted purely because you'll be here soon Jac: It's the same for me, completely Jac: I'm so glad we found each other Savannah: I think your face looks perfect by the way, in that picture & always Jac: 😌😌 you're way too kind Savannah: my good deed is the gifts I've brought, how flawless you are is just what I genuinely believe Jac: thank goodness the walk back will give me time to cool down my 😳 Savannah: Oh no! I'll have to bring it back Savannah: 🌷 🌺 🌸 Jac: is that a clue to my gifts? 🧐 Savannah: perhaps 😊 Jac: 🥰 Savannah: [sends her a pic of her snuggling all these dogs cos we've made ourselves at home hens but she'd never post it because she don't look perfect enough] Jac: Awwh! Jac: You're [insert dog's name here]'s favourite, you know Savannah: Oh my god, am I? She's my favourite too! Jac: Yep, fully endorse this lovestory Savannah: 🥰🤗 Savannah: Teen motherhood definitely wasn't part of my plan but for her, I'll make the necessary changes Jac: If anyone could actually work it, it would be you Savannah: I literally can't even joke about it because of the degree at which I'll be tempting fate & how vitally important it is to me that no 👶🏾 happen yet Jac: We won't speak that into existence 🤐 Jac: can you imagine Savannah: I can imagine exactly what my dad would say Jac: 🤐 need that about as much as you need the 👶🏾 Savannah: I refuse to put a single foot wrong for him to claim is a cry for his attention Jac: As if Jac: the ego, like, yes, I'm going to permanently change MY life so you pay me attention Savannah: I can't make it any clearer that I'm not interested, we haven't spoken since he left Jac: exactly Jac: he wants you to make mistakes so he can have a valid in and come back to berate you because he knows IF he wants to make that contact as things are now, it's HIM that will face the criticism, rightly so, but he doesn't want that Savannah: ^^^ Jac: and he's meant to be the grown-up Jac: 🙄 Savannah: at least, having not acted like one for a long time, I'm fully prepared for his behaviour instead of being shocked by it once I reach my own adulthood Jac: 🌥 Jac: the only one defined by his mistakes, will be him Jac: you're gonna be happy and thrive, none of this will stop you Savannah: of course, because I've got you 🌞💛 Jac: if anyone is sunshine, it's you Jac: I just gravitate towards you 🌻🌻 Savannah: I'm willing you into my orbit right now for sure, you must be freezing out there Jac: yes, it's pretty cold Jac: the fashionable coat is gonna have to be swapped for the more practical 😖😂 Savannah: my poor baby! I'll warm you up Jac: 😳😳 works too Jac: for now, whilst I fast walk because I can't run on this ice Savannah: Don't walk too fast! Savannah: even with all the experience Ty has given me, I can't attest to be some kind of physiotherapist Jac: I 🤞 Savannah: I'll stop talking to you until you're back safely 👼🏾 Jac: ❤❤❤

[cassandras-nest]

So here we are, finally i can post it!

My gift for @headlongedmaggiemay for @dtfrogertaylor 's Somebody To Love event.

Inspired slightly by Matter of the Heart by @sweet-ladyy (modern setting au + friends to lovers trope + complicated relationship)

......

You can't really recall when you and Brian became friends, surely this was when you started uni and that was, your life changed forever.

Having him as friend, actually bestfriend, was a blessing and a curse. Helping you with everything, always so kind and patient, always around that you actually miss him when he was not and that was your undoing too.

You were so used to this situation that you started to consider this normal and him yours somehow.

Your feelings for him didn't show up right away but when you saw another girl talking to him you felt uncomfortable, you weren't actually jealous but still you couldn't shake off the feeling. Seeing him smile and laughing with another made you upset, so much that you avoided his presence all day.

It was him that sent you a text that night..

......

Poodle - Are you perhaps avoiding me for some reason i don't know? -

Why he was always so clever...

You - No? Why? -

Poodle - I know you and, maybe, i saw you walking away when i was talking to a new student that didn't find her class today -

Oh, so he was really helping her..right..how stupid of me.

You - I just saw you were busy and...i didn't feel well -

Poodle - Right ok, i believe you, but only because i care for you. Are you ok? Want me to come by? -

Yes...no, oh gosh why everything was so complicated all of sudden?

You - No, i'm alright. I'll see you tomorrow. Goodnight! -

Poodle - I'll count on that, don't make me chase you, love -

What if i want you to...no don't say that, stupid brain.

You - Ok ok..as soon as i find, i'll tackle you -

Poodle - You better, i missed you, 'night -

.......

Tomorrow couldn't have arrived more quickly.

You were out of the door ready to find him...just before sleeping you realized what your feeling were, you don't know if you loved him yet but he was more than a friend...and then it hits you.

Oh god! But if he doesn't feel the same way about me? You thought

What if i ruin everything? Then why you feel like he may feel the same? He can't be just polite no?

You were still pondering the idea of telling him the truth while walking that you almost missed Mr. Gims calling for you.

Mr. Gims director of foreign student exchange, a quirky old man, all smiles and jokes. On your first year you signed up to his project because you thought it was interesting, study abroad, knowing new people and everything, all before knowing Brian.

- Miss..are you alright? - he said almost worried when he finally reached you.

- Oh, Mr. Gims, good morning, sorry i didn't hear you, do you need anything? - you answered, still a bit dazed by you inner monologue.

- You were completely out of this world, if i might say that, worried about anything? - he lightly joked.

Is really that visible?

- Hmm? Oh no no everything alright? - you assured him with a smile.

- Good good..so yes, i wanted to tell you that you finally being accepted for studying abroad, in America, exciting right? - he beamed.

- Really? I don't.....when? Where? - you said stunned.

Well that was a change and a big one...

- Oh, as soon as we have all ready, probably in less than a month, you just have to ready and pack your lightest clothes, you're going to L.A. -

- Oh.... - you were still processing all the informations and couldn't properly formulate an answer.

- You don't seem excited, you still want this right? - Mr. Gims asked more seriously.

- I...yes, that's a lot, but yes..i'll probably be more excited in an hour when i'll realize it all - you answer him truthfully.

- Ok, now i'll let you be with your day but i'll keep in touch, i will send you all the details via text later this week ...good day Miss - he said then, visibly relieved by your answer..

- Good day Mr. Gims and thank you -

He just nodded in response while walking away.

What a start...and i still have lots to do, first of all tell Brian about it - you said to yourself - sh*t Brian, now that i realized how i feel about him i have to leave him, well it's now or never, right?

You keep talking like this until you spotted him sitting alone outside a class. Your first instinct was to run and tackle him like you promised but you froze on the spot..

So ok, no, yes...i should do it, but what if i ruin everything...what if i'm being selfish or... - you keep thinking, so much that you didn't see that Brian saw you and started walking toward you.

- Saw you first, love - he said sweetly, bringing you back to reality.

- Hi..i was about to...- you suddenly stuttered..

Why am i stuttering now - even your brain was mocking you

Also was he always this handsome or it was just today?

- Are you alright? - he asked you, sincerely concerned.

F*ck why he can read me so easily every damn time.

- Yes...yes..- you quickly answered - but i...i have to tell you something- you continued.

- Awesome me too..and i think you'll like it, i hope - he said.

And you could be wrong but you saw a faint blush appear on his face.

- Well now i'm curious, you first gentle giant - you joked but still very intrigued on what he might ask you.

- Ok..ehm...there isn't a right way to say it so, i'll just say it. Will be my Valentine date tonight? -

Oh, today is Valentine's day? And he asked me to be his date? Wait he asked me to be his date or ...

.......

(Part 2 maybe?) Sorry this came out longer than i expected and since i'm on mobile i can't do the cut thing so i'll probably split this in two..

Hope u like this first part ❤

#stl event #stl valentine event #my gifts #my edits #painkiller80 aesthetic #painkiller80 writing #brian x reader #friends to lovers #complicated relationships #fluff #angst #slightly angst #and soft

[markitaaa]

Husband Tag - Bang Chan

    "Chris, where are you? Are you ready yet?" Yells a woman as she waited in her room. She had rich and warm mahogany skin with jet black curly hair to her shoulders.

She was in a yellow tube top to compliment her skin tone, holding her Galaxy phone in her right hand waiting for her husband to take a seat next to her in front of her tripod.

"I'm right here princess." Bang Chan, or as his wife likes to call him, Chris, enters the room.

"About time slow poke."

He laughs as he takes a seat beside her. "I told you to give me 10 minutes to finished eating. It hasn't even been 5."

She pouted at him playfully, pulling his dimpled cheek. "I'm sorry baby. I'm just so excited to do this video."

"You're excited to do a cliché couples video for your channel?" He asks, raising a sarcastic eyebrow.

"Oh shut up, Chris. It'll be fun." She asks as she fixes her tube top, pulling it up.

Chris fixes his gaze to her chest. "Olivia, you gonna wear that top on camera?"

She fixes her gaze on him then her chest. "Why? What's wrong with it?"

"Um...it's just a really tight shirt, and you're well endowed so..."

She just chuckles at him. "Babe, it's summertime and it's hot as hell outside. There's nothing wrong with my shirt."

Chris sighs shaking his head, but smiles. "Alright, prepare for the comments about your chest."

"Hope they're good comments." She says, winking at him and seductively shakes her chest in front of the camera that was currently still off.

Chris frown at her, bumping her shoulders with his. "Stop playing."

She laughs as she leans in to give his cheek a kiss. "I'm sorry papi, I'll only shake my chest for you."

He smiles at that. "Damn right, now can we start this video?"

"Yes we can," She says fixing his blonde bangs to show more of his face. She turns on on the camera, ready to make this Husband Tag video her 1.3 million subscribers had requested of her.

She had repeatedly talked about Chris in her previous videos many of times and viewers were curious who he was, so she decided to do this video.

"Hi Lovelies, I'm Olivia and today for this video I have my incredible Husband Chris with me to do the highly requested Husband Tag." Olivia says as Chris begins to playfully clap saying Yay.

She playfully rolls her eyes. "Now introduce yourself silly."

Chris lifts up his right hand, as if telling someone to stop and says, in his most Aussie accent, "Hi guys, My name is Chris, Olivia's incredible Husband." Then laughs.

"You are so goofy, anyways let's get on with the questions." Olivia says as she tries to locate her phone. "You have my phone Chris?"

"What?" He asks, laughing at little. "Why are you asking me? You just had it in your hand."

"Because there's only two people in this room, in this house, so if I don't have it, you do."

"See what I go through guys?" Chris asks as he shakes his head mockingly to the camera.

Olivia checks under their chairs. "See, Chris! It's under your chair! I knew you had it!"

He just grins at her. "I don't know how it got down there. Last time I saw it, it was in your lap. Maybe it fell when you were shaking your chest for me." He cheekily replies as he eyes your chest.

You slap his shoulder and grabbed his chin, turning his face forward. "Hush."

He just continue to grin at the camera.

"Anyways, we're gonna start off with the questions. Okay Chris, if I could be any mythical creature, what would it be and why?"

"Oh, that's easy. A mermaid."

"And why?

"Because one of your favorite Disney movie as a little girl was The Little Mermaid." He explains effortlessly.

"Hm, I guess you're right." She shrugs.

"Of course I am Liv, I know you." He says, stretching out a curl.

She doesn't mind as she asks the next question. "Okay, who approached who first?"

Chris let's go of the curl he was playing with and says, "Are you giving me easy questions on purpose to make me look good?"

"Babe, no. We're only getting started." She smirked at him.

He knew that look, she was up to know good. He just didn't know what yet.

"Well?" She asks.

"You approached me first."

"When, where how?"

He had to think for a second, it's been a while. "5 years ago at Uni. I was a freshman and you a junior. I was studying music and you business. I saw you around a few times because your brother and became friends when I started there. I remember our friends trying to get us together but I wasn't having it because I wanted to focus on school. I even heard from your friend that you thought I was fine." He says, laughing remembering his freshman year.

Olivia continues, "Right guys. He would not give me the time of day. It wasn't like I was chasing after him or nothing, never that." She says, playfully fluffing up her hair. "All I said to my friends was that, 'I wonder who that fine Asian boy is?' And they just ran with it. So one day at a party I cornered Chris and made my presence known. He liked my straightforward attitude and the rest was history."

"Now that I think about it, our friends did try to play Cupid too hard." Chris says smiling.

"Well, I'm not mad at them. They did us a favor. We've been married 3 years now. I love you babe." She says leaning in to kiss his cheek.

"Okay, I love you too crazy girl. Now on to the next question."

"Okay, you know I want kids, but what do I want my first kid to be?"

"Want it to be? You speaking like it's an object."

"Chris, stop being technical and answer the damn question." She asks shaking her head.

He smiles. "You want twins, a boy and a girl."

"You're correct. Good job." She says, preparing for the next question. "What do you love about me?"

"You really want me to get sappy on camera?" He asks, shaking his head.

"Tik Tok, Mr.Bang"

"Alright woman. I'm not gonna say I love everything about you because that's too unrealistic. I love how strong and characteristic you are. How you never let anything get you down and when you see someone else down, you give it your all to make them feel better. You're sweet when you want to be and my heart. Without you, I honestly didn't think I would have graduated college because I had to much stress from my parents but you pushed and I'm honestly thankful to you and for you because I would definitely have been single and lonely, so what I'm trying to say is, I love you with all my heart, Olivia Melissa Bang."

"Chris," Olivia says wiping her eyes. "You're only supposed to say like two or three qualities you love about me, not a tearful speech."

"I can't just list a few baby, there's too many. Just know that I love you." He answers back as he gets up from his chair to hug her."

"Ugh, I'm gonna kill you for messing up my makeup Chris." She playfully complains as he wipes her drenched cheeks.

He laughs. "You're still beautiful love."

"Ugh, I don't think I can continue this video. I'm too emotionally happy right now." She says fanning her face.

Chris takes his seat again, pouting. "Aw, but it was starting to get fun."

She giggles at him. "Okay, one more question you big baby."

"Alright, shoot." He says, leaning back in his chair comfortably.

She takes a small deep breath, her hear pounding. "So Chris, how do you feel about us becoming parents?"

"Parents? That would be awesome. We aren't trying but we said if it happens, it happens." He shrugs, looking at her curiously, he knew she was up to something.

A large grin slowly spreads across. "Well baby, it happened.

"What?!" Chris springs up from his chair, leaning towards you. "You serious? Don't play with me."

Olivia pulls out the three pregnancy tests from her jean shorts. "Congratulations, Appa."

Chris immediately jumps out of his chair cheering loudly and engulfs you in a hug. "I'm gonna be a dad! You're gonna be a mom! We're gonna be parent's! I knew you were up to something!"

Olivia laughs excitedly. "Well, I already know you knew me so well. I just wanted to mess with you a little bit and announce it to my subscribers."

"You are so sneaky!" He says tightening his hold on her. "But I love you." And kisses her forehead.

"Love you too, daddy." She says, winking at him then at the camera.

#ambw kpop #ambw #kpop #korean #black #black women #blackgirlmagic

[punkscowardschampions]

Zelda & Zach

ihatemyguts: [Ready for a flimsy excuse to talk lmao] ihatemyguts: Question, would Lauren actually be 👍 or 👎 if I turn up to her stream? ihatemyguts: Couldn't tell inandout: ecstatic inandout: her 👚👕👖🧦 could come off inandout: it's hard to tell if she's joking ihatemyguts: I will 🏃 to 🧼 my 👀 ihatemyguts: and time my tip really well before that potential eventuality inandout: smart move inandout: people pleasing ihatemyguts: She was nice, funny ihatemyguts: no 💩 nosing but yeah, I'm not in a position to be picky inandout: she's good at the "older sister away at uni partying but still there for you" role ihatemyguts: do you have a real one? inandout: I've got a brother, he's older than her and less of a party animal ihatemyguts: Mine too ihatemyguts: he's not as old as her but first date @ 18 isn't far off the vibe inandout: Robbie would call that hella awkward inandout: but I don't think mine has had one yet at 21 inandout: unless it's with a 🤖 he created ihatemyguts: that would be as impressive as it is 😢 inandout: he only likes to flex academically impressive muscles inandout: and believes no girls are interested in that inandout: despite being at uni ihatemyguts: 💔 ihatemyguts: Bless inandout: Lauren would knock his head together with every dream girl of his he's surrounded by until it fell off inandout: I'm a pacifist though ihatemyguts: Brothers are stupid ihatemyguts: his 💭👸 might be the stereotype of a cheerleader that doesn't even exist ihatemyguts: just ⏳⌛️ inandout: wouldn't leave me shooketh to find out you're onto something inandout: he does watch Love Island ihatemyguts: 🧠 representation, man ihatemyguts: you do not always get the girl at the end and if you do, you'll have so little in common you should just put her back inandout: I had a mental image of him just forcing a girl back up onto these high shelves we have in our kitchen inandout: not today, honey ihatemyguts: 😂 ihatemyguts: if only people were shelvable ihatemyguts: keep 'em in storage 'til you're feeling 💯 inandout: + if I'm heroically expected to get her down, the stumbling block is that the 🍪🍬🍭 are kept up there ihatemyguts: she'll have to eat it all to save you right back inandout: a love story inandout: we need to pitch it to Netflix ihatemyguts: I have done so much research for this ihatemyguts: Robyn can write it ihatemyguts: Rich can DEMAND actually disabled actors, and Rosie can ask nicely inandout: you have to be the lead, then the viewers will be on edge of their seats when you eat the 🍪🍬🍭 ihatemyguts: Lauren might 👊 me for it inandout: the spotlight would give her a seizure ihatemyguts: Awh ihatemyguts: lucky teen dramas are so moodily lit ihatemyguts: think twilight not spring breakers inandout: so dark that everyone has to squint and give themselves a headache inandout: dizzying camera angles inandout: getting our own back one symptom at a time ihatemyguts: may have to 🔪🔪 someone to make 'em shit their pants ihatemyguts: but you can nominate your brother, that's cool inandout: let him come back as a 🤖 at the end ihatemyguts: how's his Arnie? inandout: hmmm inandout: borderline racist? inandout: but we're Jewish and he's Austrian, I don't think he'll come for us ihatemyguts: not gonna go zombie for that ihatemyguts: definitely free pass for life on all the racial jokes @ their expense inandout: the shortened life span will help make up for it too ihatemyguts: no 🤖 ending? ihatemyguts: 👎 inandout: abrupt fade to black inandout: hopefully ihatemyguts: Iconic ihatemyguts: see your vision inandout: much as lingering death rattle would be an epic punk band or album name ihatemyguts: 🤔 ihatemyguts: you're a frontman, right? inandout: self nominated ihatemyguts: I see it inandout: you're drums ihatemyguts: only if I get to be on a dramatic raised platform above you all at the back inandout: if you swear not to 🚿 us with 💩 ihatemyguts: it would bring the horror ihatemyguts: very Carrie ihatemyguts: but 🤞 inandout: very Slipknot ihatemyguts: I'm down for a mask situation inandout: I'm not 🥵 ihatemyguts: Valid ihatemyguts: but you're cute, people will wanna see you inandout: cute is 🐕🐩🐈 or 🐖🐑🐐🐄 inandout: we can't start an animal band unless you can talk to them and ask if they really want inandout: ...some kind of rockstar life ihatemyguts: True, Ozzy was NOT asking those 🦇 if they were about the fame inandout: and they became another casualty of inandout: sickening ihatemyguts: is that the deal ihatemyguts: my bowel has decided not to work so I get to speak to animals? ihatemyguts: 🤙 inandout: that's a 10 episode series pitch ihatemyguts: god knows there has to be a redeeming feature of a sick kid ihatemyguts: can't be an arsehole who's suffering, not relatable and not enjoyable -10/10 inandout: you can only be an arsehole if yours works inandout: hooray for me ihatemyguts: lucky ihatemyguts: don't wanna flex on you by sparking up, really inandout: can you drink? It's a no for me ihatemyguts: it's iffy ihatemyguts: like it's not great ihatemyguts: but if I don't get big sister at Uni levels, technically inandout: technically same, but who wouldn't wanna get to that level inandout: who's doing it for the taste? ihatemyguts: I personally LOVE the taste of rotting fruit inandout: I have no sense of smell and barely any of taste and even I know wine and beer are both bad inandout: maybe the first sip of spirits will change my life ihatemyguts: that's a dangerous game ihatemyguts: it's already supposedly scentless a lot of the time ihatemyguts: you'd get wasted real fast inandout: not a date then ihatemyguts: not for long ihatemyguts: 🏥 is a fave haunt obviously but not ideal, even for a 2nd date inandout: 3rd? ihatemyguts: s'one way to end up in bed ihatemyguts: sure inandout: kids at my school do keep asking me if I've ever hooked up in hospital inandout: that being my number 1 priority each time ihatemyguts: 🙄 ihatemyguts: like it's some cringy show mums would watch ihatemyguts: with the staff or with all the random hottie in their prime that are just roaming the corridors, yeah, alright inandout: + 🏥 = PICC  in case there weren't a high enough risk of getting caught or mild peril ihatemyguts: the thrill of it all ihatemyguts: worth being sick for all the steamy romance, honestly inandout: don't forget the nurses inandout: another fave topic of everyone in class ihatemyguts: yeah, the stress eating and shift work makes 'em 🔥🔥🔥 inandout: no 💐 allowed to keep the atmosphere romantic either ihatemyguts: 💔💔💔 ihatemyguts: sure your class is not concerned about the vibe inandout: well read inandout: they just wanna touch a boob inandout: which is a good song title ihatemyguts: with potential to make a b-side literally about 🍑 ihatemyguts: high🖐 inandout: hi-hat, drummer girl ihatemyguts: badumtss inandout: 🎤 drop ihatemyguts: 🙇👏 inandout: Lauren swears she'll keep her clothes on to play Breath of the Wild ihatemyguts: I'm honoured ihatemyguts: and not at all disappointed ihatemyguts: 😉 inandout: her wardrobe of onesies are incredible inandout: they'll cheer you back up inandout: 👽🤖🐛🐲🦕🦑 + more animals than you'd have time to chinwag with ihatemyguts: obviously, I need to see this to believe 🖖 inandout: like a 🦄 she has one of those too ihatemyguts: thanks for the inside scoop ihatemyguts: can pretend I'm fully psychic now ihatemyguts: get all those oddly specific requests out inandout: that'll spook her inandout: I'm for it ihatemyguts: 🔮🗣🐒 ihatemyguts: not trying too hard to compensate, AT ALL inandout: I hadn't seen the others before today inandout: that was cool ihatemyguts: For real? ihatemyguts: It seems like you all hang like all the time, from the outside creepin' in inandout: you heard the commander, we're not supposed to post pics or personal stuff ihatemyguts: still a weird rule ihatemyguts: like, I get it, online predators, poor defenseless baby disableds, not ideal ihatemyguts: if it was an IRL group, we wouldn't be going by quippy puns on our name badges inandout: [gives her his socials and Lauren is of course in his friends so she can add her too] inandout: I was gonna suggest a meet up but didn't wanna get shot down inandout: the point is, some of us can't get out and about inandout: hasn't passed me by ihatemyguts: that's true ihatemyguts: there has to be a way we can include everybody though, everybody that would possibly want to ihatemyguts: Christ, if we as a group can't think of accessibility solutions ihatemyguts: but my point is, drop you a 💬 if I have any 💡 inandout: @ Rich inandout: he'd figure it out ihatemyguts: right? ihatemyguts: not that I'm desperate for company but frankly ihatemyguts: no, it could be cool inandout: and she won't say, despite what I said about trading on her fame, but Lauren's anniversary is coming up inandout: she'll want company for that ihatemyguts: I don't know if I should know, and I know I'm not gonna ask her ihatemyguts: but it can't be a fun anniversary, anything we could do to make it less of a shit time ihatemyguts: why not inandout: you're in inandout: cool ihatemyguts: 👍 ihatemyguts: the social engagements I won't need to turn down for this ihatemyguts: busy 🐝 I ain't inandout: I wanna ask if you had loads of friends before inandout: it seems like you would ihatemyguts: Kinda ihatemyguts: and not everyone turned into total cunts either, not trying to be that tragic heroine ihatemyguts: awkward adjustment, mainly for me, I know but ihatemyguts: wish I had a cool illness, you know ihatemyguts: can't make 💩 work for me inandout: what's a cool one? ihatemyguts: there's no cool one to have, I know that, like, intelligently, I get it ihatemyguts: but at least if you've got a decent story or you aren't essentially shitting yourself to death as your quirky symptom, people are more into it ihatemyguts: it's stupid but inandout: something that makes you faint dramatically inandout: that'd be netflix worthy inandout: the harder the name is to pronounce, the better ihatemyguts: exactly, providing I do it gracefully and look pretty whilst doing it ihatemyguts: 'cos what's the point in this pain if I can't peddle it to the masses inandout: you could look pretty doing it ihatemyguts: oh yeah ihatemyguts: the glamour would be unreal 😂 inandout: 🍃 ihatemyguts: 📽 ihatemyguts: cinematic inandout: American Beauty and you're the plastic bag ihatemyguts: that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me ihatemyguts: okay, Katy Perry inandout: leave Robbie to do the 🐯 roar ihatemyguts: she's cute ihatemyguts: no offense to you but inandout: how many dates are you two going on? ihatemyguts: do her parents let her out of her house, legit ihatemyguts: 'cos that will change the answer a lot inandout: only for 🏥 inandout: but she'll wanna come to the meet up ihatemyguts: then, we'll have to go on loads of dates ihatemyguts: so I can convince them I'm very respectable and not at all contagious inandout: I know JRA sucks but they'd put her in a bubble if they could ihatemyguts: I get it but also ihatemyguts: stop ihatemyguts: actual case of how it's being dealt with making it worse, when I was in hospital, the first time ihatemyguts: there was this tiny kid, and his ma was like...just insane, which is understandable but, it weren't helping her or him inandout: she could outgrow it when she's 16, that'll shake them up ihatemyguts: serious? ihatemyguts: damn inandout: it happens inandout: that's the J inandout: for being a kid ihatemyguts: I had no idea ihatemyguts: like you stop growing and it stops fucking with you, basically? ihatemyguts: that's cool ihatemyguts: if it happens ihatemyguts: worst fucking false hope if it doesn't inandout: yep inandout: sweet or bittersweet 16 ihatemyguts: like 5 months, she said? inandout: I'm gonna go to the party inandout: you should come ihatemyguts: Yeah? ihatemyguts: you think she meant it ihatemyguts: you can tell me if it was just politeness 'cos she is inandout: loneliness inandout: but she likes us too ihatemyguts: how long have you been in the group? inandout: they gave me the info when I was 12 inandout: I didn't wanna use it then though inandout: last summer I decided to ihatemyguts: I feel you ihatemyguts: like, what should we have in common ihatemyguts: but that's actually like any friendship, you got sat next to them one day in class or they shared with you at break ihatemyguts: I was just being a dick about it inandout: there are those inandout: like fibro inandout: but the core group are cool ihatemyguts: Everyone was decent ihatemyguts: if you're a dick you just are, regardless of our shared experiences ihatemyguts: but that is more than I've got with some of my old friends, that's just facts, whether you wanna accept it or nah, you know inandout: yep, me and my 🤖 brother have nothing shared inandout: his DNA is fine ihatemyguts: how was that ihatemyguts: like, was he mad guilty and did you wanna stomp on his lungs a 🤏 bit inandout: some days inandout: but Lauren says I'm better looking than him so what else matters ihatemyguts: 😂 inandout: how's your brother doing with your 💩 life? ihatemyguts: He doesn't say a whole lot ihatemyguts: that was a thing pre 💩 life too so ihatemyguts: guess he gets to keep being mysterious and my illness feels the least invisible when I'm the only kid let out to the 🚽 multiple times a lesson ihatemyguts: 🤷 inandout: you could suggest home school inandout: Robbie's an expert, she'd do you a pro slideshow ihatemyguts: I already miss people inandout: okay, okay, we'll bring the first date forward inandout: I'll escort you to the party ihatemyguts: what's the dresscode? this is vital and I know she's already said inandout: 👑💎 ihatemyguts: Oh good, you'll look extra adorable ihatemyguts: it'll be the usual trial picking which tiara to wear but think I'll survive inandout: Maybe you can take her shopping for your first date ihatemyguts: 💡 idea I'll have to claim as my own inandout: 🙇 ihatemyguts: do any of you go to the same schools ihatemyguts: or are you meant to not know that, either inandout: I don't know where either R goes inandout: and I'd remember Lauren or Rich if they'd been at my school, I think ihatemyguts: I reckon ihatemyguts: shame ihatemyguts: not that I reckoned there'd be an underground network of secret disabled kids at mine but oh well inandout: there could be inandout: you didn't need to find out before ihatemyguts: True ihatemyguts: ⭐ not being the one though ihatemyguts: have to do some more subtle digging inandout: my school has some invisible and visibles besides me ihatemyguts: statistically, there's no chance I'm the only one inandout: most of the ones in our camp have mental health stuff though inandout: or dyslexia, ADHD etc ihatemyguts: hadn't even considered those kinds ihatemyguts: got a lot of studying to do ihatemyguts: that's how it feels ihatemyguts: I barely get what I've got, never mind the endless possibilities of how a human can be slightly fucked inandout: they tend to have their own forums anyway inandout: not that Rosie wouldn't welcome them with a sleepy hug ihatemyguts: ☺️ inandout: it's less 🏥💉🩸 I guess? inandout: sort of 💊 and 🗪 ihatemyguts: Definite crossovers but not fully the same deal ihatemyguts: I see my pharmacist so often we're on date ... ihatemyguts: dread to think inandout: people don't wanna feel like others don't understand them somewhere where they're going for solidarity inandout: or that they can't get a sentence in over all the rest that are being typed ihatemyguts: it is pretty nervewracking ihatemyguts: even if yours is decent inandout: I used to be a big lurker inandout: some days I still am inandout: Lauren will always fill up the gaps ihatemyguts: you need all types, I reckon inandout: same ihatemyguts: like families ihatemyguts: even the creepy uncle inandout: if I don't have one does that mean I'm destined to become him? ihatemyguts: only if your brother finds a cheerleader ihatemyguts: you're probably alright inandout: he could adopt Robbie and let her live cage free ihatemyguts: that was a bit creepy ihatemyguts: oh my god, it's started ihatemyguts: 👹 inandout: damn inandout: much to think about inandout: a life to reassess ihatemyguts: if you're actually going ihatemyguts: thanks ihatemyguts: for being cool inandout: you were cool first inandout: I didn't lead a revolution ihatemyguts: you had to be cool enough not to shoot it down inandout: I'm so cool I've fallen at the creepy uncle fashion hurdle inandout: can't get a 🧢 on without a haircut inandout: it's all about the 🧦 now ihatemyguts: you know how to paint a picture ihatemyguts: even though I can now stalk your socials in my own time inandout: easier to explain you than Lauren inandout: my friends at school were shook by her ihatemyguts: I can imagine ihatemyguts: she'd be happy with that though 😏 inandout: she was inandout: [posts a selfie with his best attempt at a creepy uncle aesthetic because I doubt I'm finding a gem like that from Finn] ihatemyguts: oh my god ihatemyguts: 👏 ihatemyguts: that would be fully #triggering, top marks inandout: ♟ your move inandout: wine mum or vodka aunt ihatemyguts: Oh, I have perfect wine mum clothes ihatemyguts: had very bad taste a few years back and the 👻 are hanging about ihatemyguts: hold on inandout: I can't make the baited breath comment twice in a day, that's too much inandout: and I know I did in group ihatemyguts: 💔 I'm not special enough inandout: come back tomorrow for new puns ihatemyguts: [selfie in Amma's weird little girl/suburban mom clothing 'cos was not a mood] ihatemyguts: are you sure? inandout: damn inandout: come back tomorrow for a new photo challenge ihatemyguts: alright ihatemyguts: you're on inandout: cool

[punkscowardschampions]

Ro & Ali

Ro: Hey! Tess has declared the hospital a no-go zone without saying any more, are you and the baby okay? Ro: I'm really worried Ro: Just hoping that you're both doing well Ali: I'm fine, we're both fine Ali: Don't worry Ali: There's just been...unexpected drama that needs to be dealt with Ali: but its not physical complications, both of us in good health Ro: Oh thank god! I've been praying since I first heard you two were off limits Ro: Anything I can do to help? Ali: Oh God Ali: I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Ro Ro: No need to apologise you've been very busy and had much more important things on your mind Ali: There's every need, but also, more than every chance that it won't mean or do anything Ali: I've got to tell you something and its going to change everything and I'm Ali: Well, you'll see how I could not regret or be repentant for anything more Ro: Ali, you're scaring me Ro: What's wrong? Ali: Fuck Ali: Shit Ali: Sorry Posy Ali: There isn't any way to break this easily, ask Caleb, and that's why the 'rents have kept you all away because its so surreal and a mess Ali: but, the baby Ali: its white, Caleb isn't the Dad Ro: Oh Ali: and I know who it is, there's only one person it could be and believe me when I say he is the LAST person I would ever want it to be Ali: it was once, and protection was used and so many other circumstances that now just sound like excuses from someone who's trapped into their worst betrayal Ali: its Drew Ali: I don't know what to say beyond apologising 'til my final breath Ro: Wait....what....no Ro: You're not saying what I think you're saying Ro: What I just read Ro: Because that can't have happened, it wouldn't have Ali: It did Ali: shouldn't have but it did, I did Ali: it should go without saying that you weren't together but how can it now, and I know it does next to nothing to make it better Ali: and I wasn't with Caleb either but these things don't matter now, to anyone, I know Ro: I can't believe this, I don't want to Ro: When was this? Tell me that he didn't come back to me as though nothing had happened Ro: And you didn't just let it happen Ali: Me either Ali: but its happening, and its too late to change it or stop it Ali: He did Ali: I did Ali: I don't know why, I had reasons I convinced myself were right and the best for you but Ali: I'm just a coward Ali: I'm so sorry that my fuck ups are flaws have encroached on and tainted your life Ali: more sorry than I am able to show now, with all this between us Ro: How could you?! Ro: You should've told me Ro: In your silence I was continuing to tell him everything Ro: Give him everything Ro: Not to mention you. We don't have secrets Ali: I don't know, I truly don't Ali: I can shout good intentions from the rooftops but look where we are, and I wasn't ignorant of the old adage beforehand either so Ali: it happened when I believed, you too, that you were over for good Ali: I didn't think he'd come back...then your last birthday happened and I Ali: I didn't say anything, because by Uni, I thought he'd be gone again, and it could really be over, or he'd fuck it up himself Ali: I didn't want to be part of the fuck up, it was beyond cowardly, I know Ro: Don't you understand how little the timing matters? He was my boyfriend, the first, and I loved him Ro: I would never date any of your exes Ro: Sisters don't do that, Ali Ro: It's bad enough that you did, but to never say a word about it until your hand was forced Ro: It's the lowest Ali: I know Ali: I know Ali: Is there anything I can do? Ro: How could there be? You betrayed me Ali: But we're sisters Ro: Are we? Ro: Even Bea wouldn't do this Ali: It was a mistake, a stupid one that lasted 15 minutes if that Ali: Please Ali: Please I don't want to throw away everything we have, all that time, over that Ro: That makes it worse! You don't even feel anything for him Ro: It didn't mean anything to you but you still went ahead with it, despite knowing the consequences for us Ali: It wasn't like that, it didn't just happen because I could, because I was bored or whatever else Ali: it might not have been love but it wasn't that Ali: I was at my lowest, Caleb wasn't being a Father, nevermind a partner, I had two babies on my own and Junior was so...difficult Ali: I was alone and scared and drunk and then Drew was just there Ali: and willing to console Ali: It doesn't make it right, of course, but I would never just do it with no reasoning at all Ali: I'm not looking to be excused or forgiven, not immediately but please give me some hope because I can't lose everyone over this Ali: Please Ro: I don't have anything to give you Ro: I have no doubt you were feeling as bad as you say and I'm sorry for that, but I can't offer you any consolation. I need it for myself Ro: Of course Drew was willing, we've all known that for a long time, but I was just as certain, until now, that you'd never cross the same line Ali: I'm not asking for pity, just the chance at redemption Ali: not today, but one day Ro: What exactly do you expect time to change in regards to this? I already know that Drew didn't love me, perhaps ever, but you were supposed to Ro: You've broken my heart Ali: I won't speak for him on anything, especially that Ali: I do Ali: You can love someone and still manage to hurt them beyond repair Ali: If only love protected us from that Ro: Ours did, for me Ro: Do you know what it's like being next to you? I told myself it didn't have to matter because you never saw me as less than, protected me instead of making a fool out of me Ro: But here we find ourselves Ali: You aren't less than! You never have been, you're incredible Ali: I didn't do this to make you look any sort of way Ro: To who? You've treated me precisely how he also chose to, like I don't deserve and can't handle the truth Ro: Whatever you meant I feel ridiculous, worse than Ro: I've never felt as if I'm just one of many stupid girls in a row until now, for all of Drew's faults Ali: Would you have listened to me? Ali: Because, you knew, you KNEW Ali: and why is my betrayal worse than his Ali: just because it was par for the course from him Ro: Because he isn't my sister! Ro: He'll never matter as much as you Ro: I knew what I meant to him, and I thought I knew what I meant to you Ali: It didn't change what you mean to me, I didn't think of it in reference to you Ali: Obviously, and that was clearly a horribly selfish and cruel oversight on my part that I can only say sorry for again and again Ali: but he isn't you, and he was never good enough for you Ali: however wrong it so obviously is in hindsight Ali: to me, it didn't even touch on you and us and what we have Ali: you're so much more than him, deserve more Ali: again my mistake for thinking HE would be decent enough to leave you alone after Ro: There's what you say and there's what you did Ro: If I deserve so much, why would you do this to me? Ro: Why wouldn't you tell me that it had happened, more importantly Ro: It would have been my choice what happened next with him Ro: Not his Ali: Okay Ali: I did it because I thought it'd mean you stayed broken up, and he'd leave you alone Ali: but of course, you're right, it SHOULD have been your choice Ali: I didn't have any right to try and take that from you, into my own hands Ali: I was just...sick of him treating you how he did Ali: but I only made it worse Ali: of course I did Ro: Yes, well....on that point I can relate Ro: Does he know about the baby? Ali: Yes Ro: And Caleb? Ali: He's gone AWOL Ali: obviously he saw it wasn't HIS but, he didn't give me time to explain the rest Ali: trying to get hold of him stll Ro: Would you like me to start searching? Ro: I won't tell him anything obviously Ali: Oh Ro Ali: it would mean a lot if you could, not just for me if that's off-putting but for him and his family Ali: he doesn't have to speak to me if he's not ready...as long as he's safe, it would be good to at least know that Ro: I know. He deserves to know as soon as possible and it's highly unlikely Drew will be putting in any leg work himself besides running in the other direction Ro: It's safe to assume that was his reaction anyway Ali: Agreed. Ali: That was pretty much the gist, yes. Ro: I know where he'll be too, another safe assumption, if you'd like to get in touch with him as well Ali: That's okay, I think he said all he has to say Ali: If he changes his mind, he knows where we are Ali: Got no right to ask but are you going to talk to him? Ali: For you Ro: No Ro: I can't Ali: Understandable Ali: you don't owe him that, as much as you owe me nothing too Ali: If its any consolation, he's not being logical at all currently so I don't think you'd get any sort of answer from him, even one you don't want to hear Ro: He's rarely logical Ali: Indeed Ali: Well, now you know, I'll leave you alone Ro: How? Ro: You can't go to Caleb's which means we live in the same house Ali: I know but I'll go in with Rock or take the sofa Ali: I promise I'll give you space Ali: and then, we'll both be gone, before too long... Ro: With a newborn? No. I'll go and you can go back to pretending I don't exist Ali: Ro Ali: Please don't Ali: Did I really make you feel like that? Ro: You didn't and that's why it hurts so desperately, because I clearly don't exist to you as a actually am, and I never knew Ali: That is NOT how I feel Ali: What you're taking from this and what you think it means about you Ali: is not what I think, or anyone else Ali: I know I can't make you believe that, I wish I could Ro: It doesn't matter, as you've said, we'll both be gone soon regardless Ali: but not forever Ali: we're still family, we always will be Ro: You've got a growing family Ali: They don't replace you Ali: There's room for us all Ro: I wish it was that simple Ro: That I could be the eager aunt I was at the beginning of this conversation Ali: but you were my sister first Ali: even if you can't be that Ro: I know Ro: But sometimes I can barely remember a time when Drew and I weren't tangled together and I thought I'd got my head around us being apart before discovering that you're complicit in us both being ripped apart and staying together Ro: I honestly believed nobody could or would ever come between us Ali: you and Drew? Ali: but Ro- Ali: he was never faithful Ali: I just don't understand why you stayed with him Ali: so much happened before this Ro: You and I. We're so connected Ro: And yet you'll never understand Ro: I'll never be able to explain it Ro: We have such different eyes on the world, don't we? Ali: Oh Ali: But I WANT to Ali: and I will always try Ali: I always have, haven't I? Ali: That has to count for something Ro: It does and I hope it will continue to do so, if I can figure out how to get across to the 'there' Ro: It's not even your fault, that's what makes it impossible to deal with, that it's just another of my faults Ro: I thought I'd have a fresh start approaching but how can there ever be one now? Ali: You are the last person who's to blame Ali: it isn't at all your fault, not in any sense or in anyone's book but your own Ali: and you're just not right there Ali: the blame lies at mine, and Drew's respective doors, no one elses Ali: I'm just sorry I couldn't keep the rest away from you all too but Ali: She's here, the baby is here Ro: Don't you see that it is my fault, though, because I couldn't kill the part of myself that didn't need him, no matter what I tried it was never quite weak enough for me to walk away instead of back Ro: It's my fault that I was stupid enough to believe that he wanted to be around me, with me, so I let him in, constantly, keeping him around instead of letting go Ro: So there he stayed and here we are Ro: There isn't going to be a goodbye any more, he's in your lives and therefore mine, forever Ro: I don't know what to do with the idea of that Ro: Especially once the illusion of him has been utterly shattered Ali: Well, he did want you around, he must've, whether or not that was in the way he sold it to you, not for me to say but as much as he (and I, not absolving myself here, just talking about his role in it all) did lie and cheat, it doesn't mean everything he did, everything you experienced with him, was a deception or wrong Ali: and I know that that fact is harder Ali: that it would be easier to discredit it all, instead of having to sort through everything yourself and second-guess and categorise, working out what it was, what it means for you and who you'll be Ali: Heartbreak is akin to grief in so many ways you don't fully understand until you're there Ali: I don't think I've truly been there 'til now, either Ali: He plans for it to be a goodbye. Ali: I would prefer it if he would get himself together and could be in her life, as much as I don't want him in MINE forever either Ali: but he has no plans as of right now, quite the opposite. Ro: We can't let ourselves believe that's the thing he'll choose to abide by Ro: For her more than us Ro: Can I see you, both of you, I mean Ali: Yes Ali: Of course Ali: You always can Ali: Don't bring any of the others yet though, please Ali: Not even Mum and Dad know the full story, just that she's white and Caleb is gone Ro: I won't, I promise, it just doesn't seem right, or real, that we're all alone Ro: This scattered Ali: I feel the same Ali: Deserved in my case but it doesn't stop it being terrifying and just Ali: Horrible Ro: Deserved in both of cases, but I don't want to be scared as well as everything else and I don't wish it on you either Ali: Agree to disagree but I call a ceasefire Ali: At least from me, and I'd advise for you too, if only so security doesn't throw you out Ali: Insult to injury when you're very much within the right and your right Ali: Thanks, Ro Ali: You're too good, and I've never been more appreciative of the fact than now Ro: Okay Ro: No, I've never been good enough Ro: You and I both know that Ro: But I'm still here Ali: One day you'll feel different, and see yourself how I see you Ali: but for now Ali: Me too Ro: I'm leaving now Ro: Anything you need me to bring before I slip out of home? Ali: I'm pretty catered for but could you bring a nightie, please Ali: I'm wearing one of Caleb's baggy tops and Ali: yeah Ali: Now I just feel wrong Ro: Yes, sure Ro: I understand Ro: Can I still bring the baby's gift or will it simply add to the feeling? Ro: Not technically for you so Ali: Exactly Ali: If you still want to, I shan't deprive the little one Ali: already enough bad energy she's having to contend with at my expense Ro: We should do a cleanse or something Ro: I know it's been a while since we did anything of that sort but Ali: I'd like that Ali: I need that, in fact Ro: Okay Ro: I can't pretend to feel differently myself Ali: It'll be a starting point for some much needed healing Ali: Not a miracle but Ro: I hope so