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gifted-burnout-archive · 4 years

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It’s Just a Costume

Requested?: Yes! I got two requests I merged into one, where Y/N is dressed really nice and all the guys in the office are ogling her, and Jim gets un poco jealous, and another request around the Halloween episode where Dwight turns up as the Joker and when Y/N comes in as Harley he thinks it’s a sign they are meant to be together.

Word Count: 4.2K+

Author’s Note: I have been given a burst of energy recently and want to make sure all the requests I have gotten are written (even if these ones are from a month ago (I’m so sorry)). I like the idea of jealous Jim, not gonna lie, because it seems like this would be his only actual flaw. I hope you enjoy; this is my second thing with smut so bear with me.

Warning: SMUT. oral (female receiving), intercourse, sex while on the phone. I went a bit off the rails, this is new territory for me.

No-one in the office knew you were a cosplayer.

They did not need to know what you did in your spare time, or that you had a whole room in your apartment dedicated to rolls of fabric and your beloved sewing machine. You were actual quite well known within the community, had your own blog about the behind the scenes of costume making and tips for convention goers. But it was your little secret, and most certainly not something you wanted broadcast at your day job.

Not even Jim knew.

The pair of you had been dating on the down low for a good few months now, actually coming on a year, and while he knew all about your love of comic books and your going to conventions, he wasn’t yet aware of the whole ‘dress up like comic book villains and paint your body completely green that one time’ sort of commitment. It’s not that you thought he would mind, if anything he might find it quite cool, but you weren’t ready to share your guilty pleasure with him just yet, and that was ok. Jim got it.

You had joined Dunder Mifflin about three years ago now and were currently filling in the receptionist role while Pam was off in New York at corporate. However, due to doctor’s appointments and compulsory trips to HQ, you had never had the chance to dress up for Halloween at the office. The whole team joined in to some degree, and with the new Batman movie having just been released, you had the perfect costume idea for the occasion.

You had cosplayed as Harley Quinn a fair number of times in your life, and for this year’s Comic Con you had actually made a Dr Harleen Quinzel costume to match the grunge, dark, jaded Joker Heath Ledger had played in the summer blockbuster. It was all handmade, simply because nowhere in Scranton sold the lab coat or dress you had envisioned in your early sketches, and you even took the time to make up a fake nametag, print out a Joker casefile, doodle love hearts with the letters ‘J+H’ in the margins.

You were a woman of detail, you liked to make sure everything was up to your standard, and even got yourself some black ankle boot high heels that match the aesthetic perfectly. The costume as a whole looked great, you wouldn’t even lie, so when you realised your were finally going to be in Scranton to participate in Halloween, you woke up early that morning to sort your makeup and slip into the red and black dress you had designed yourself. You grabbed the lab coat and props, including a pair of glasses you didn’t need to reflect the comic books, and headed out the door to your car.

Whatever forces held reign over your life must have bee reluctant for you to show up at work. Not only did you have to stop for gas when you were sure you had a full tank a few days ago, but a breakdown on your usual route to work had made you thirty minutes late, and the last person to entire the office.

“Morning Hank!” You greeted the security man with a wave, and he replied with a grunt, invested in his newspaper. You called the lift, your phone pinging as you stepped in the lift.

Jim: Not like you to be so late, Y/N. Tut tut. Xx

You rolled your eyes at the message despite the smile on your face, pressing the button for Dunder Mifflin’s floor before texting back.

You: Just heading up now, traffic was insane this morning. Can’t wait to see your costume Xx

You caught your reflection in the steel doors and quickly tidied your hair, which had been blown around a little by the wind. A part of you was nervous, was the outfit too obscure for the office to get? You banished the thoughts: you looked great and that’s what counted.

The elevator doors slid open, the entrance to the office decorated with spider webs and plastic pumpkins. You had made sure to stock up your desk with plenty of candy the night before, and with a smile on your face, you entered the office and sat yourself at the reception desk.

“Sorry I’m late guys…” You apologised offhandedly, pushing the glasses up your nose and logging into your computer, humming along to ‘Thriller’ that was playing in the background on low volume. You had made sure there was a Halloween CD in the player last night too.

It took you a moment, after you had logged on to the computer, to look up at Jim to wave hello, when you realised the whole office seemed to be looking at you. You made sure you weren’t imagining things, blinking a few times to focus your vision, but it was definitely the case.

Everyone was staring.

“Do… Do I have something in my hair?” You asked, oblivious to what everyone else was seeing.

What Jim was seeing.

Your costume for the occasion wasn’t just nice or pretty, it was stunning. The fabric hugged your curves just right, it showed a little more than a fair amount of cleavage, and your heels just emphasised the lace stockings you had decided. Jim was never a man to objectify, but even he couldn’t help but gawk at how sexy you looked that morning.

Thankfully, Phyllis decided to break the silence, walking over to your desk and pretending to pull a piece of fluff from your hair. The rest of the room, the males especially, hurried themselves back to work at that.

“Oh, thank you Phyllis. My morning was chaotic, I knew something would go wrong.” You laughed sweetly, still completely clueless as to what everyone was looking at. “I love your Raggedy Ann look!” You complimented, offering her a candy. She took it with a sweet smile.

“Thank you Y/N… You really went all out this year, you look great.” She offered back, and you felt a blush of pride coming to your cheeks.

“It’s my first time getting to participate in costumes at the office, I thought I’d give it my best shot.” You explained, and with a kind nod, Phyllis headed back to her desk, leaving you to start responding to phone calls.

The day continued in an… Odd fashion. Every twenty minutes or so, one of the guys was up at your desk, asking for something. First it was Ryan dressed up as Gordon Gecko, who you complimented on the suspenders, then Creed, the first Joker impersonator, then Toby, who had gone for the classic skeleton, and Kevin, the second Joker, then Andy, who guffawed when you guessed Mister Mistoffelees, and finally Dwight, Joker number three. Dwight seemed to be visiting the most, whether it was to fax something or ask for a call to be forwarded, he was suddenly a whole bunch nicer to you today. It was around lunchtime, when Dwight made his way up to the desk for the sixth time, that you finally asked for an explanation.

“Hey Dwight? Is everything alright today?” You asked, leaning forward in your chair to smile at him, not noticing your co-worker’s eyes flick down to your chest.

“Uh…” He seemed to stutter on the thought, before straightening himself up. “I just didn’t think a girl like you would be interested in comic books, that’s all. Your outfit just caught me off guard, I wanted to check you were really dressed up as Harleen.” You nodded and smiled.

“You know, you’re the first person to guess my character right all day! I started to wonder if it was too out of the box, if I looked like I came in dressed as a pharmacist or something.” You giggled, and Dwight let out a nervous laugh along with you.

“You have done the character justice… You look good.” He stated with a firm nod, and you handed him a candy in thanks.

“So do you, Dwight.” You complimented back, glancing up at the clock. “I’m going to sort out my lunch.” You excused yourself, standing up and heading over to the kitchen with your coffee mug, lab coat left behind, and glasses perched atop your head.

Your exiting the room allowed for multiple of the younger, testosterone-filled men of the office to get a good look at your ass in the red and black number you had created, and for Dwight to rush back to his desk and get Jim’s attention away from you, his girlfriend’s, ass.

“What, Dwight?” He snapped, not in a good mood at all. He had spent the entire morning watch his co-workers flirt with you, and he didn’t like it. He couldn’t even blame it on you, you seemed completely oblivious to what the outfit was doing to them, to him…

“I was right.” Dwight said with far too much excitement, looking back at the kitchen as you poured yourself some coffee.

“Right about what?” Jim entertained the creep he had worked beside for years, the given adjective not simply because of the Halloween look he had decided on. Jim had never found the fun in dressing up for Halloween, and today wore a nametag with ‘Dave’ written on it. He sipped on his coffee, watching Dwight build up the courage to speak with a raised brow.

“Y/N is in love with me.”

The statement had Jim spitting coffee back into his cup to avoid choking, but Dwight seemed unfazed by the reactionWhile you were unaware of any sort of connection, Dwight had been pining over you since the moment you landed in the office. And Jim had known, of course, thanks to a night at the bar that left Dwight calling out your name as he was piled into a taxi. But what had given him the impression you liked him?

“How are you so sure?” Jim asked, and Dwight scoffed, folding his arms in defence.

“Well, if you must know, I’ve been studying her body language towards the men in the office for quite some time.” Jim’s eyes widened, and Dwight looked him over. “She’s a young, fertile woman, and this is breeding grounds. Out of everyone in the office she could be attracted to, she distinctly shows affection to me. Today she has spoken to me five separate times of her own volition, she has given me two pieces of candy and she matched my costume. The signs are very clear, Jim.”

“She matched you?” Jim asked.

“Her outfit, Doctor Harleen Quinzel? She is dressed as the Joker’s romantic interest.” Dwight explained it to Jim like he was dumb, and quickly quietened down as you returned back into the room, walking past their desks. Jim smiled as you approached, causing you to blush a little.

“Hey Jim, I got you a fresh cup, you’ve been nursing that one for a while.” You passed over the coffee to your boyfriend with a bite of the lip as he took a sip of the fresh brew.

“It’s perfect Y/N. Thanks.” He gave it the nod of approval and you made your way back to your desk, waving at Dwight as you walked by.

“Hey costume partner.” You joked, and Jim raised an eyebrow at you. You mouthed a quick ‘what?’ at him before sitting back down and picking up the ringing phone.

“See?” Dwight whispered, dialling his next number with a manic grin on his face. “She clearly is trying to mate with me.”

By 3 o’clock, Jim couldn’t ignore his jealousy any longer. Ryan and Toby had asked if you were free later, but Dwight… Dwight was going above and beyond. He had spent the day slacking on his work and trying to entice you with cups of coffee, possible prank ideas and chain emails that got you to giggle twice. Frankly, Jim wasn’t quite sure what to do. He had been the one to suggest keeping your relationship quiet, more because he knew the badgering Pam and Roy had gotten when they dated and didn’t want that for you both, and because he didn’t want to come on too strong.

But now, almost a year on? He had just been working up the courage to say the big three words, and you come in dressed like that, then actively flirted with the guys at the office, with Dwight? He wasn’t angry at you, but he was angry at someone, or something.

As 4 pm rolled on, and with no sign of Michael returning from his move in trip with Holly any time soon, the office had begun to pack up for the afternoon, and Jim decided to make a move. He was, technically, in charge of the office for the day. So, as the troops started to file out, Jim held you back.

“Y/N, can I have a word please?” Jim’s face was neutral, his tone leaning to the scolding side more than anything, and you looked at him confused.

“What’s up Jim? The rest of the team are heading for the bar, you not coming?” You asked, waving to Phyllis and Oscar as they headed out.

“Michael’s office. Now.” Jim ordered, though his voice was soft. You nodded, stepping through into the office. Jim turned to see the last people packing up, Dwight seeming quite content on staying until you left. “Dwight, would you head out with everyone else? Y/N and I will catch up. We need to run over some files Michael messed up last week.” Jim was convincing in his act but didn’t very much care. With a sigh and a glare, Dwight headed out the door with Kelly on his heels, leaving you and Jim alone in the office. He locked Michael’s office door for a safety measure and pulled shut the blinds.

“That isn’t good…” You laughed from your seat on the desk, legs swinging as you watched Jim begin to pace. “Halpert? What’s wrong?” You had noticed he had been off balance today; you had assumed it was a few bad sales calls that caused it.

Jim wasn’t quite sure what to say now he had you alone, so instead he decided to act. In two steps, he crossed the room to Michael’s desk and pressed his lips to yours feverishly, his hands coming to your cheeks as he kissed you with raw passion you hadn’t ever seen in him before. You did nothing to stop him though, instead shrugging off the lab coat and letting it fall onto the oak you sat on, spreading your legs for Jim to move closer and tangling you fingers in his hair.

“You’ve been driving me crazy all day…” Jim muttered, pulling away for a moment to catch his breath. His hands moved from your face to travel your body, landing on your ass and pulling you to the edge of the table. “Teasing me in that dress…”

“I have?” You moaned out, surprised by the admission from your boyfriend, and the PDA. You knew you looked nice today, but a tease?

“Why do you think all the guys in the office have been extra attentive today?” Jim chuckled, and it clicked in your head.

“Oh… Oh my god!” You gasped, followed by a giggle. “That makes a lot more sense…” you paused for a moment, pulling Jim close by his tie. You weren’t one for anything hardcore in the bedroom, but with Jim, you knew how to push his buttons. “Is that why you dragged me in here? You were jealous?” You asked with a smirk, loosening his tie until it was on the carpet, and starting to unbutton his shirt.

“So, what if it was?” Jim countered, his thumbs running along the hem of your skirt before pushing it up your thighs, revealing the lacy tops of your stockings and your match black underwear set. He audibly groaned at the sight, his trousers becoming increasingly tight. “The things you do to me Y/N I-” You cut him off by reconnecting your lips, finishing unbuttoning Jim’s shirt and moving on to his belt as he shrugged the fabric from his shoulders.

“You know, you have to remember that this… This is just a costume.” You whispered in Jim’s ear, moving his hand to your underwear, which he swiftly pulled off. “You get everything underneath…” the words dripped from your tongue, sultry and tempting and more than enough to convince Jim to press two fingers against your folds.

To say you were wet was an understatement, and the smirk on Jim’s face did nothing to aid the situation. You were wet for him, from the way he kissed you, the way he touched you, and no-one else. With a pull on the front of your dress, the elasticity of the fabric working in Jim’s favour to expose a lacy black bra, he simultaneously slipped two fingers inside you, earning a moan as your head dropped back.

Jim made sure to tease you first, his thumb flicking over your clit to provide jolts of pleasure but no real stimulation, the fingers pumping slowly inside you, getting you used to the intrusion, forcing you to relax a little.

“You know sweetheart…” Jim’s voice had dropped an octave into a growl that made you shiver. “You could always wear stuff like this more often…” The words caught you off guard, and Jim played to his advantage, speeding up the pace of his fingers and adding a third, earning a gasp from you, one of your hands flying up to cover your mouth as another moan rolled past your lips.

“Jim…” You whispered, your eyes fluttering shut as his fingers curled, tension already building in your abdomen.

“Nobody’s around, move your hand away.” Jim ordered, and you did as instructed. He smirked in approval, picking up the pace with his fingers and dropping down to his knees, eye-level with your dripping cunt. “All this just for me?” He teased, and you whined as his tongue darted out to lick your bud.

“This isn’t fair!” You whimpered, legs trembling, but Jim just smiled.

“You teased me all day in that dress Y/N, I would say this? This is perfectly fair.” Jim finished his statement by switching his fingers inside you for his tongue, and you couldn’t help but thread a hand in his hair and pull him closer.

“Fuck… Jim I’m close.” You warned, Jim slowing down the pace for a just a moment to throw you off, to make you think he wouldn’t let you cum. Your stomach had begun knotting, your whole body tensing up as Jim’s tongue lapped your juices and his thumb pressed down on your clit. Jim moved his face away, planning to finish you off with his fingers again, when a sudden noise jolted you both from the sex-induced haze, and ruined whatever orgasm you had been building up to.

The phone was ringing, and Jim knew the number.

“Answer it.” Jim stood up as he spoke, pressing his lips to your neck. You moved back a little, and Jim looked up at you with a wicked glint in his eye, and you couldn’t lie, it excited you.

So, on the fourth ring, you picked up the phone.

“Hell-oh?” Your eyes widened, and Jim captured your lips in his as he pressed his cock against your heat, having undone his pants while you were preoccupied.

“Hello Y/N? This is Dwight. I was wondering what time you would be leaving the office.” Dwight’s voice on the other end was loud enough for you both to hear, and Jim rocked his hips forward as your lips parted, entering you. You did your best not to moan, Jim’s size was still something that shocked you a little despite almost a year of dating and sex.

“O-oh, hi Dwight.” You responded with shaky breath, biting down on your lip as Jim pulled out again. He was watching your with a playful grin on his face, daring you to moan down the phone, to reveal the compromising situation the pair of you were into his rival. To add insult to injury, he decided to bottom out in you as you began speaking again. “We-WE!” You gasped, slapping his arm with your free hand, only to receive his lips on your neck in return, this time intent on leaving a mark.

“So tight for me…” Jim growled in your ear, and you let out a whimpering, alarming Dwight on the other end.

“Are you alright?”

“Just fine, Dwight. G-got a p…papercut.” You had to stop and breathe, covering the speaker on the phone to let out a whimper, much to Jim’s amusement. “These files are worse than we thought. We might be here a while, head on without us.” You said as quickly as you could, Jim beginning to pick up the pace of his thrusts, your walls clenching around him and earning a groan.

“Well, I could assist if you would like?”

“It’s alright, we’ve… We’ve got it handled. See you tomorrow, Dwight…” You held onto Jim, his movements bringing back round the release you had almost managed to get.

“Right, well, goodni-” You hung up the phone before Dwight had time to finish, letting out a pent up moan as you lay back on the desk, finally relaxing into the rhythm of Jim’s cock pounding into you.

“You asshole.” You hissed through the pleasure, fully giving in to the experience, while still noticing the proud look on Jim’s face.

He knew he had it good. Becaause he could say, without question, the girl everyone wanted was his. He could see it. As you, his Y/N lay on the desk beneath him, hair haloed around your head and breasts now inching free from your bra, dress ridden up to your abdomen and the straps halfway down your arms, moaning and begging for more, Jim knew he had officially won whatever game the world had been playing him in.

“Don’t lie, you love it.” Jim groaned as your walls spasmed around his girth again. His own release was fast approaching, and by the way your lips had parted in pleasure, the trembles that had once again started in your legs, he knew you were close too.

“Jim…” You moaned out, confirming it for him. You reached up, pulling him to lean over you by the neck, shifting his position inside you to press right against your sweet spot, his strokes becoming sloppy but more forceful.

“Fuck Y/N…” He muttered, the light from the window catching on the slight sheen of sweat on his forehead. “Cum for me…” He moaned out, and with a final stroke you were pushed over the edge, the tension in your stomach finally releasing and sending moans and curses tumbling from your lips.

You were so gone in the moment that you didn’t notice Jim still, finishing himself, and only after a few moments, and a kiss from Jim on your forehead, did you return to reality.

“We… We really had sex in the office…” You laughed in disbelief, looking around the room. Your clothes were scattered, the desk a complete mess thanks to the hasty sex session. Jim was just watching you as you sat up, a smile on his face, and he pulled out, tucking himself back into his trousers.

“I’m going to get some wet paper towels from the bathroom.” He suggested, shrugging back on his shirt and starting on the buttons as he left you to catch your breath.

By the time you had both cleaned up and fixed your clothes back into something semi-presentable, it was dark outside. Neither of you cared much, walking out the office cuddled into one another, Jim’s arm over your shoulders and yours around his waist.

“You know, I think we should tell the office we’re dating.” Jim announced as he led you over to your cars, and you pulled out your own set of keys as he put his stuff in the trunk. It took you a second to process the proposal, but you looked up and grinned.

“Really?” You asked, and Jim couldn’t help but kiss you.

“Well, yeah, bit tired of not getting to show off the girl I love.” Jim said with a wink, and you kissed him again.

“I love you too.” You promised, the first time you had shared the words between you, but it was clear you both meant it.

“There was silence for a moment, you opening your own car and setting your work bag on the back seat, closing the door as you thought for a moment.

“You know… I cosplay…” You blurted out, and Jim turned to you in surprise. “You know, you mentioned this would happen more often if I wore more stuff like this… I can assure you there is plenty more.” You giggled as you said it, blushing red.

“That… That is very interesting information…” Jim looked like he was going to say something more but went red from ear to ear. Even after the encounter upstairs, Jim was still his goofy self.

“Why don’t you come over tonight?” You offered, to which Jim quickly nodded, leaving you both laughing as you got into your separate cars, only to meet twenty minutes later at your place, a step further in your relationship.

#jim halpert x reader #jim halpert #smut #jim halpert smut #the office #request #queue

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maxwell-grant · 3 years

Note

OK, I know this will probably be painful, and I may be a bad mutual for asking but...would you be willing to identify what, in your opinion are the bottom five worst Shadow adaptations, and give a detailed breakdown of why they were so lousy?

Oh christ, okay. I don't think you're gonna get as much of a detailed breakdown for these compared to some of the others, because I take more issue with adaptations that do have good qualities but also big or deep problems to talk about.

For example, I can't include Garth Ennis's Shadow in this list because the comic has a lot of strong points to it, despite a deeply, deeply detestable take on The Shadow's character, where as the rest of the Dynamite run doesn't reach neither the lows or highs of his run. Likewise, Andy Helfer's run has a couple or a couple dozen moments every issue that make me want to tear something to shreds in frustration, but it's also at many points a really good comic with great art and some occasionally very inspired writing. Really, I'd just be repeating myself talking about what I hate in those.

But, fine, let's list some of the others.

I think I'm just gonna have to get the elephant in the room out of the way here, and address that I won't be including Si Spurrier's 2017 Dynamite mini in this list, and I think at least some of you might be angry it's not Number 1 by default. I'm doing this because I intend to one day really revisit it, think about it and it's reception and what it was trying to do, and talk about it on it's own, now that it's been 5 years and everyone has moved on and we can maybe talk about it without kneejerk hatred driving everyone nuts (your mileage may vary on how warranted it was).

I'm also not going to be talking about James Patterson's new novel, because I haven't read it. It seems to be considered a forgettable potboiler by mainstream critics and a resounding failure by everyone who likes the character whether they've read the book or not, and frankly I don't have it in me to learn what the fuzz was about anytime soon, I got my hands way too full as is.

And I won't be including the Batman x Shadow crossovers here, because again, they do have a lot of virtues that put them far ahead of some of the really worst Shadow media, and I've talked enough about how badly I think they mangled The Shadow, which is really the big problem I have with them (well, that and Tim Sale blatantly copying a Michael Kaluta cover, that was really shitty). I don't really hate them anymore, I just get tired and frustrated thinking about parts of them, I said my piece as is. Really, my frustration over this comic is what inspired me to start writing about The Shadow here, so I guess in a way I do owe it at least that much.

5: Archie Comics's Shadow

I think some of you might be wondering why this isn't ranked higher, but to be honest, I don't actually harbor any hatred towards this. I mean, I have to include it, but I find it kinda silly that some people even today actually care about the existence of this comic enough to hate it.

For fans back then? Oh yeah, obviously, but this dropped to such instantaneous backlash that it never really got to live past 6 issues. Really, everything wrong about it can be understood immediately from the covers, and I've actually read the comic in it's entirety to see if there was anything worth taking. I found only a couple of things of note but, no, this really is just a painfully mediocre superhero comic that happens to have a couple of Shadow names in it. If anything, it gets too much credit.

The actual contents of what it is are never going to justify it's reputation, but the existence of it and the disproportionate response to it is the funniest and most enduring legacy it could ever ask for. This whole comic is The Shadow's version of Spongebob's embarassing Christmas photo.

4: David Liss's The Shadow Now

This is another "The Shadow as an immortal in modern times" comic and I think you may have noticed the pattern with those by now. I may revisit this eventually and I do have some moments from it saved for reference, but overall: It sucks, and it doesn't even suck in a way that lets me talk much about it, it's a diet version of Chaykin's Shadow. If Archie's Shadow is a generic mediocre superhero comic wearing The Shadow's name, this is a generic crime story playing beats from movie. The Shadow is an asshole and not even a grandiose or sinister one, he just feels like a sleazy douche in a costume. The art is a 50/50 coin toss between appropriately moody and "Google images with a filter on them", I don't remember anything about the plot other than Khan had a bomb again and he had a daughter, and there were new versions of the agents and the Harry stand-in turned evil and Lamont shacked up with Margo's descendant which, uh, no. I don't really hate this but I really have nothing nice to say about this comic other than Colton Worley's art is nice sometimes. I can't really muster anything else to say here.

3: Invisible Avenger

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

ZZZZZZZZZZZZ

ZZZZZZZZZZ...

...uuh, wha-

Yeah, I remember nothing about this one other than it's painfully boring and nothing about it, nothing at all, works in the slightest and I drift off to sleep even now trying to give this a rewatch. To be honest pretty much every other Shadow serial not starred by Victor Jory sucks and I don't really have anything to say about them, this one is just the worst of the lot. I dearly wish there was a good Shadow tv series but, if it was going to be like this pilot? Good riddance.

2: Harlan Ellison's The New York Review of Bird

This isn't really a Shadow story as much as it's a Harlan Ellison story that happens to feature The Shadow, but man am I glad that Ellison's "Dragon Shadows" was canned, because holy shit what a goddamn nightmare Harlan Ellison writing The Shadow for real could have been, going purely by the one time he ever touched the character. New York Review of Bird is a purely farcical parody story that wears real, real thin even before "Uncle Kent" shows up, and we get to see in it what is by far the most detestable and irredeemable take on The Shadow ever put on print, and not even in a critique or deconstructive way or anything that could be remotely worth discussing.

I don't hold any particular affection for Harlan Ellison and his writing (despite liking some of it) and I've come to notice the major red flag that is finding someone who looks up to Harlan Ellison in any capacity as a person, and this story in particular really feels like Ellison aggressively trying to channel his jackass tendencies through every line, just him being nasty because he built a personal brand on being nasty. The only reason this isn't Number One is because it's a very short story that saw zero influence or reputation, and thus it only exists as a brief mention in The Shadow wiki, and a brief mention is all it really calls for.

1: Howard Chaykin's Blood & Judgment

I'm guessing most of you already knew this one was in the top spot before I started writing.

I would actually rather not write a big piece on Blood & Judgment, because I think (or at least I hope) it's influence on The Shadow has waned a lot over the years and I would prefer to draw it the least amount of attention possible, but if I HAVE to talk about this, I guess I'd rather just vomit this out of my circuits now instead of giving it it's own post.

I would prefer to use a less unpleasant image on my blog, but if I'm going to talk about this comic, there's no image to better convey it than this drawing of macho asshole Cranston holding a sexualized mannequin at gunpoint. By leaps and bounds, Blood & Judgment is the most misogynistic Shadow story I've ever read. It's ironic that Chaykin justified the rampant misogyny he gave The Shadow with the idea that this is just a man from the 30s would act like, when he admits in the same breath that he never even touched the stories, and he wrote a story more sexist and demeaning to it's female characters than anything, literally anything, written in the Shadow pulps. It's almost impressive even.

I'll paste some segments from Randy Raynaldo's review

In Flagg, he intended to present his own point of view on American society while keeping his work tongue in cheek and acessible. But this vision dimmed, and Flagg had become a vehicle by which Chaykin could play out fetishes and portray gratuitous and stylish violence.

In The Shadow, stripped of the political and social veneer which was supposed to make Flagg unique, Chaykin's sensibilities and excesses become disturbingly apparent. For all of his liberal posturing, Chaykin's work demonstrates zero difference from the same kind of mentality exploited and made popular by similarly violent popular culture icons like Dirty Harry and Death Wish.

More than half a dozen individuals are indiscriminately and violently murdered in the first issue. Although the victims are characters who played major roles in the myth of The Shadow, we feel little sympathy for them, even for those of us who knew these characters at the outset. Who dies is unimportant, it's how they die that is the fascination.

Chaykin uses sexual decadence as a means by which to establish villains, and undercuts this device by making the protagonists as promiscuous as the villains. For all of Chaykin's seemingly liberal leanings, he demonstrates very little sensitivity in his portrayal of women.

Because everything works on rules of three, this comic also follows the pattern with other works mentioned here, as this isn't Howard Chaykin writing The Shadow: it's The Shadow reimagined as a Howard Chaykin character. He looks and acts exactly like Reuben Flagg and the typical macho protagonist of Chaykin's other works, he's a cynical sleaze with an entirely new origin who half-assedly dons a garb to machine gun people, and I already wrote a separate piece on why the machineguns are kind of emblematic of everything wrong with this take.

I understand that Chaykin has, or used to have, a big following of sorts, and I've tried to wrap my head around this for years, but I genuinely still don't get why Shadow fans stomach this comic unless they happen to be Chaykin fans first and foremost, I really don't. Everything, fucking everything Shadow fans hate about modern depictions of the character can be traced right back to this. The parts that stuck and changed the character for the worse, like him being defined as an immortal, bloodthirsty warmonger who got all his skills and powers from a magic city in Tibet, or Lamont Cranston being a coward who fears and hates the Shadow, or his agents being expendable slaves, stuff that has been ingrained into the mythos through this and the Alec Baldwin movie and other comics, to the point that people now think of it as the norm, that it's the baseline of what The Shadow is, and I hate it, I genuinely fucking hate it,

I hate it so much that it's a big part of the reason why I created this blog and why I want so badly to get to write The Shadow, because I plainly couldn't stand not having ways to tell people that this is all wrong, that this is actively shooting down the character's odds for success, and that they are missing out on something really great, because the well has been tainted with garbage that won't go away and everytime I read the words Shambala in a Shadow comic, even an otherwise good or great one, I get just a wee bit cross.

The only semi-redeeming aspects I can think of for this comic is one or two cool moments, like when The Shadow hijacks a concert using his Devil's Whisper or when he tames dogs with a stare. Just breadcrumbs of "not garbage" amidst an ocean of anything but. I hate that talking about why I hate this comic in-length can almost feel like I'm still enticing people to check it out of curiosity, but if you wanna do that, fine, just know this: The worst part of Blood & Judgment, even if you don't care at all about what it did to The Shadow, is that it's boring.

It is a deeply boring comic. If you like Howard Chaykin to begin with, you'll probably like this okay (although even Chaykin fans told me that this is his weakest work and that even he seems to agree). If you don't, I plain don't see what you could get out of this.

The comic itself is just nothing. It's the comic book equivalent of a pre-schooler trying to get a reaction by swearing. It has nothing whatsoever other than half-assed attempts at shock value. The plot isn't there, the ideas are stale, the dialogue is needlessly oblique and comprised entirely of unfinished sentences, interrupted conversations and one-liners without build-up. The characters are all unlikable and uninteresting stooges with no personality, or joyless cartoons. There's no heart or emotion or logic, and it isn't even funny enough to succeed as just an outrageous exercise in 80s excess. There's nothing in here.

I get "why" it was popular enough at the time, a rising star creator penning a modern revival of an old character based on controversy that pissed off the old fans, it's an old story that still gets repeated today. But manufactured controversy is not a replacement for storytelling and it rarely ever exists to benefit the people who actually want to enjoy the stories, it only benefits those for the crude benefit of those who want to sell you something out of the controversy.

I guess they got their money's worth back then.

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Phew, okay, I did it, I finally vomited out a piece on Blood & Judgment and some others, allright, let's put this piece of negativity behind us now.

#replies tag #the shadow #pulp heroes #shadow comics #shadow films #dc comics

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