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asakamasanobu · 2 years

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going through the most horrendous bout of asaka feelings all over again christ i swear this might become a monthly thing at this point ..... a mid-month crisis. a mid-month asaka reverence session. actually you know what she can be both! just that i’ve been making so much noise about him recently that it’s time i phone up the moving trucks and dump it here instead ^__^

why the onset of the asaka again? the biggest reason also doubles as a “what the fuck has day been doing with her life in the second week of 2022” kind of self-update and it’s that i’ve been reading the first volume of otrfk albeit at a fucking snail’s pace because i need to look up the 読み方 of every other kanji i encounter zzz but god it’s actually quite fun and the fact that i find it fun makes me feel incredibly nerdy like you’re telling me you rather WRANGLE TEXT IN YOUR THIRD (FOURTH? IDK) LANGUAGE FOR FUN THAN PLAY YOUR SWITCH ???? who are you but even then it’s like i’m also enthralled by how i’m picking up speed as i get used to things !!!! from taking around 45min to read 1.5 pages on tues to 1.5h to read 4 pages to like 1h for another 4 pages yesterday !!!!! which is about the same time my easily distracted and unproductive ass takes to do my actual uni readings so it’s like wow win !!!!!! or maybe it’s bc we’re finally having more dialogue than the initial few pages but in either case hapy :]

that para has absolutely to do with asaka especially since you’re reading the first volume girl what are you ON about when all you’ve been seeing is wataru and yuichi smfh ...... except seeing them and hearing their voices all over again is making my head jump a few volumes ahead of myself and sinking me deep into the asaka feelings u__u so now he’s in my head against my will and i’m feeling the same love and longing and resignation all over again which is like bitch relax ...... if you’re such a mess when you’re barely 30 pages in and nowhere near to meeting asaka then you’re going to have one hell of a catastrophic meltdown when the whole plot becomes asaka-centric! and i don’t want to be there for that!

and then because he’s nascently in my head my thoughts about the current life phase i’m in are inevitably drifting to him ..... with school starting but physical lessons being another week or two away it’s like i’m feeling the same sense of being too close and too far from everything and everyone simultaneously. feeling that creeping sense of existing for the sake of convenience and knowing that when the void lifts i’ll drown myself in the moment so hard and fast until it hurts. this is such a cryptic and flowery way of saying i’m somewhat lonely even though i have friends around me who seem to like me MY BAD but it’s just a feeling i’ve attached to asaka and in particular the subsequent feeling of learning to live with that sense of distance has allowed me to wash it away, even if traces of it cling on resolutely and refuse to cede like sharp grains of sand between your toes

so it’s nice to have him in my life! it’s also nice to think about how much like his life began again when he fell in love with wataru, i could really feel my life begin again when i met him and got to know him. or maybe it’s not as dramatic as that maybe it’s more of like entering a new era of myself where i’m able to put my life in perspective and accept it for what it is. getting to know asaka has been like going to therapy for me (completely stealing the phrasing of what i said last night but Well) because i am able to more effectively nip those self-destructive patterns of thinking in the bud and it’s the same thing ritsu has done for me all these years so it makes me realise how much asaka has become a part of me in such a short time. and oh my god OF COURSE ritsu talk is slipping into the conversation now but i was thinking how similar and different their therapeutic effects on me are like (as if i didn’t spend nov considering this jfc stop rehashing your old thought processes bc you have nothing better to think about) and i have come to the conclusion that for ritsu it’s like “don’t worry about feeling like you’re worthless! you may feel like you meaning nothing now but one day you’ll be able to mean something to someone — definitely.” which is so hopeful !!!! and comforting !!!!!! and then for asaka it’s more of like “don’t worry about feeling like you’re worthless. you may feel like you meaning nothing now and even if you live life without meaning anything to anyone that’s also in itself okay — what matters most is how your feelings and time alive has shaped you, carved meaning into you, and made you a better person.” and it’s like a aa ..... both these sentiments just really hit the spot for me depending on my current frame of mind like sometimes i want to cling onto hope and other times i want to take comfort in an uncrossable distance and regardless of the circumstance my heart is always full with my emotional support gay men

and with that i think i’ve somehow exhausted the countless things that have been swimming in my mind for the past few days. the way i think about asaka is very sane i hope everyone understands this thumbs up emoji

#everytime i talk about asaka i just open the faucet and a bunch of personal stuff just falls out of my mouth but vaguely #how is one man so eerily similar to me but drastically different at the same time on god #but also me saying it’s a mid-month thing ....... nah man when i reach volume 2 it’s gonna be a 24/7 365 days a year thing #hopefully not i want my old hobbies back ...... but uuuuu asaka LOVE

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astralnexus · 2 years

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I posted 8,306 times in 2021

2925 posts created (35%)

5381 posts reblogged (65%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 1.8 posts.

I added 4,127 tags in 2021

#paradox rambles - 2125 posts (girl help why)

#markiplier - 570 posts (this surprises nobody)

#para trudges through dbd - 260 posts (send help)

#critical role - 251 posts (love those nerdy-ass voice actors that sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons)

#aesthetic - 207 posts

#nature - 189 posts

#darkiplier - 155 posts (this also surprises nobody)

#self-reblog - 145 posts (WHY)

#anonymous - 120 posts

#unus annus - 105 posts (nor does this)

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#they’re on the parapet that’s like. not too close to our windows but close enough that even if my window was closed i could still hear them (girl help why is me yelling about my own neighbours my longest tag)

My Top Posts in 2021

"All we have left are the memories." UA anniversary gifset!

1832 notes • Posted 2021-11-14 15:24:36 GMT

"DEAD BY DAYLIGHT | HELLRAISER PTB | PINHEAD’S IDLE ANIMATIONS." self-explanatory shjdgfhsgdf

2039 notes • Posted 2021-08-17 16:14:17 GMT

"the Sides + their jams!" that time the Sanders Sides got jams & I made a gifset out of it

2801 notes • Posted 2021-02-19 17:57:08 GMT

“You can’t change the past. You can tell all the stories you want to tell, it won’t change what happened.” I made a fun (read: heartbreaking) gifset bc of WAIA's angst </3

3532 notes • Posted 2021-03-07 18:28:46 GMT

"THE NECROMANCER - THE MYSTIC CRYSTAL - NSP." That NSP gifset I made & Mark reblogged outta nowhere.

5785 notes • Posted 2021-06-09 19:58:24 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#girl help why is my own RAMBLES TAG my top tag and why is my SELF-REBLOG TAG also high up there 😭#yes I changed up some of the formatting of this bc I could

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kikiyakno · 3 years

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june 13, 2021 — a birthday dinner. excerpt from a para never posted

Kian

Kian quietly sat and listened to Brandon talk on. It amused Kian most when Brandon would catch himself about talking on and on, yet still do it anyways. Kian didn't know how each time it happened he would watch fondly and his expression rested as he listened carefully. He had heard Brandon go on about a lot of things before but this rambling was different. Kian smiled when Brandon brought up his garden, instantly imagining the other boy sitting happily in one. Eventually Kian got comfortable on the blanket himself, sitting cross legged and began tracing the pattern on the blanket. He pursed out his lips trying to think of something good to share in return. He rocked idly in his thoughts trying to think of something about of himself that was meaningful. "Um...i'm really good at math. I've always been good at it...and I like it. I like numbers. I like counting money. Not in a 'because i'm rich' way, but I just like running numbers and counting coins and stuff..." His voice trailed off and he bit his lip, quickly considering his fact was a bit nerdy.

Brandon

Brandon should have been used to the colour flushing his cheeks whenever he spent time with Kian. He should have found a way to ease the heat creeping up his face or at least ignore it but with Kian’s gaze on him, genuinely attentive, he may has well be painting the rouge into Brandon’s cheeks by hand. He talked a lot, for the sake of talking but found himself babbling when someone was actually listening. When Kian was actually listening to what he had to say, he didn’t want to feed him tales or keep him at a distance like he did with everyone else. “You do have a quiet intelligence, it comes through in the way you have interactions. Being able to calculate like that though is amazing. I uhh.. I’m why calculators were invented. Did you like it before you realised you were good at it?”

Kian

It was his turn for his cheeks to flair a soft red in a form of shiness. Quiet intelligence tickled his ears, his tummy, and made his heart flutter all at the same time. For two seconds it all felt like DEATH, but Brandon's voice kept him in the living world. It made him a little giddy that someone had realized that about him. Something Kian never considered himself. He was smart. M, uch smarter than most thought. He felt himself relax more into their conversation and the overall space with Brandon. "I think so...I can't really remember a moment where I realized it was one of my favorite things. I just remember getting good grades in school and being told I was good at it by my teachers. I tutored a little too. Not for very long, but I liked helping people who didn't get numbers." He tilt his head from side to side as he reminisced. "I hope it gets me somewhere one day! Doing something I love and enjoy..."

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vicecityhq · 3 years

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██████████████]99% LOADING...SUSPECT INTO THE APD DATABASE...

WITNESS(ES) SAY HE REMINDS THEM OF: flickering neon lights, the sound of static, retro video games. With a slight resemblance to HAN JISUNG of/the STRAY KIDS.

CLICK BELOW TO VIEW ENTIRE FILE.

FULL FILE:

Last Name, First Name: Nam Jaejin ALIAS: Crypto Realm of birth(if earth, nationality): Earth Age: 21 Date of Birth: January 31st, 2000 Gender: Male Preferred Pronouns: He/him, they/them Species: Cyborg Occupation: Bookkeeper of the Howlers, university student, hacker Sexual Orientation: Pansexual

VISUAL FILE:

Skin Color: Tan Eye color: Brown, with a blue/purple tint at times Scars: Surgery scars where his enhancements have been added; in his right arm and chest area. Piercings: Right eyebrow, both earlobes Tattoos: When he is not actively using his enhancements, the mechanical arm silhouette on his right arm resembles a tattoo. (x) Hair color: Currently black with white highlights. Abnormalities: Added technological right arm and metallic elements to the right side of his chest. these enhancements affect most of his body/internal system as well (namely his lungs). he has human brains, but they are affected by the technorganic physiology as well. Horns/ wings/ etc: none Transformed form: His technological arm mostly looks like a tattoo to someone who doesn’t know any better. While actively using his abilities, his right arm and chest begin to glow with a blue/purple light and resemble more of a robotic arm/chest. This glow might affect his eyes as well.

PERSONAL FILE:

RELIGIOUS BELIEF: Raised Catholic, later turned atheist SINS: greed / gluttony / sloth / lust / pride / envy / wrath VIRTUES: chastity / charity / diligence / humility / kindness / patience / justice KNOWN LANGUAGES: Korean (native, dialectal at times), English (mostly fluent), Latin (basics) SECRETS: He has been behind a lot of major hackings towards the government/other significant parties during the last few years. Jaejin will usually attempt to blend in with “normal” humans and civilians, trying to hide both his cyborg-ness as well as his gang affiliation. SAVVIES: Technology, computer science, hacking, mathematics, video games, planning Powers & Abilities: Technorganic physiology, technology manipulation Traits: + quick-witted - aloof Aesthetics: Flickering neon lights, the sound of static, retro video games

BACKGROUND CHECK:

Date of Birth: January 31st, 2000

Date of Death: -

Crime Record: Multiple hackings against many different significant figures/parties, as well as countless smaller hackings. Involvement in gang activities, mostly relating to fundings. He hasn’t been found guilty for any of these crimes yet, but he is also aware that his record might not stay clean forever.

Background/Biography:

Born to a wealthy upper-class family in Busan during a cold January, Jaejin was, at first, anything like most kids. He had a younger sister. He had loving parents (albeit ones who had their expectations raised sky-high from the very beginning). And he had a few people around him he could even call friends. The kid was a little shy, a little nerdy, but nothing short of pure and kind towards the ones he cared about. His childhood was a little uneventful, but a happy one regardless.

Jaejin was nearing the age of ten when the unfortunate accident occurred. It was a dark October evening, heavy rain making it nearly impossible to see clearly. Jaejin was returning home from a friend’s house, hurrying down the street as the rain continued to increase. The kid decided to cross the street, thinking of the Nintendo Gameboy console waiting for him at home. The sound of brakes screeching against the wet asphalt made him halt where he stood. It was all blinding light and the loud howling of a truck’s horn before everything went black.

Jaejin barely survived the hit, perhaps by some miracle. What didn’t survive was the majority of his right arm. Most of his chest was looking quite vile too, having endured a hit that no human tissue really could. Some of his organs, namely his lungs, were damaged nearly beyond repair. He was barely breathing, only making it with the help of the beeping machines of the hospital. Jaejin’s parents, shocked and shaken up by the whole thing, quickly began to pull strings and search for methods for him to make it. It was a question of any means at that point. A decision that they would perhaps come to regret later.

The boy was taken to a private clinic that specialized in cybernetic surgeries. It was supposed to be just about repairing the parts of him that no longer worked as well as life required. But Jaejin’s surgeon was a charismatic man of science, and was able to convince the higher class family that some small enhancements to his body wouldn’t hurt. The Nam family was eminently very unaware of the lengths that some cybernetic surgeons went in the name of science and test-runs. So when Jaejin awoke some twenty hours later, he was no longer the same boy at all.

It wasn’t evident, at first. But over the years it became apparent that something had shifted after the surgery. The once very warm boy became aloof, often struggling to empathize with people. In turn he became intelligent in a way he necessarily wasn’t before. Jaejin's emotions weren’t completely shut-off by any means. He felt things, sometimes even strongly, but not always in the way others expected him to. And the boy was ashamed and alone with his thoughts. It wasn’t until years later, during his high school years, that Jaejin discovered the things that he was actually capable of. Accessing and controlling different technological components became something Jaejin got kicks out of, a different kind of excitement filling him for the first time after the enhancement surgery. And so what if hacking things was illegal? It enabled Jaejin to have control and power. It enabled him to have pride in himself.

After high school, once Jaejin had already enrolled in university to study computer engineering, an acquaintance approached him after a mathematics class. Even at first glance the young man could tell that the things he was about to be told were not something he could tell anyone else. He was asked to follow the man to a place he would later know to be the Howler’s headquarters. His skills and savvies were something they took interest in. And though Jaejin was nothing short of unsure about the offer, he figured he could stay around for a while. Even if only to help the gang with their poor money management skills out of pure curiosity.

So that was what Jaejin became – a gifted, witty student by day, and a hacker and gang member by night. He had gone by the codename Crypto even before affiliating himself with the Howlers, so it was natural that he also used that alias in his gang endeavors. Jaejin, having taken distance from his family a long time ago, was surprisingly willing to be included in a gang of all things. Maybe it was the things the gang did and provided him with that gave him a sort of thrill and excitement otherwise lacking in his life. Or maybe being a part of a group made him feel a little bit more human again.

INTERVIEW QUESTION (para sample): “Just run us through what happened that night”. - Officer

Jaejin was, for the lack of a better word, in quite a robotic state.

Again, it wasn’t that the man didn't feel anything at the question. Sure he did: he felt annoyance at the fact that he had to be sitting there, in the police station, when he could be tackling his microcomputer architecture project due in a few days. But Jin also knew that it wasn’t really the typical emotion to be feeling while being questioned by an officer. Especially not if you were innocent (and he was, technically speaking).

“It all happened so fast”, he said instead. He was trying to summon some feelings of shock and maybe even sorrow. Jaejin knew those to be the typical feelings of a civilian witnessing a gunfight, after all. Except in this case it was more of him being in the wrong place at the wrong time, not so much the fact that he hadn’t seen it before. It had been people from the Howlers, though; a fight against some other gang members (for reasons the man frankly didn’t know). And Jaejin had just happened to be there as the police cars arrived with sirens howling.

He wasn’t going to say any of that though. Jaejin wasn’t about to snitch on his gang members, not if he had nothing to fear. And as far as he knew, none of the scouts involved had actually been caught. The police had nothing on the situation. So he continued to speak in a manner that, in hindsight, was probably too calm for someone who didn’t know anything. This might come and bite him back at some point. “All I know that there were people in black, many of them. I didn’t really see their faces, probably a gang or something. Suddenly there was a loud noise of gunfire and that’s the part where I ran to the back of the warehouse.” Out of nowhere, Jaejin felt actual emotions surging to the surface. “I was... afraid”, he whispers in a small voice, “I didn’t want to get hurt. To die.”

Except it wasn’t really his own life he was afraid for. Jaejin found himself back in the situation, the same emotions rushing through him. He was afraid for them. For his own gang members. For better or for worse, the people who accepted him when no one else had. For the first time in a long time, Jaejin was afraid of losing someone (not that he would admit it out loud, though).

#vcaccepted #vchowler #han jisung #stray kids #krp #finally got another bot boy ;-;#@david

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the-yerkes-dodson-curve · 5 years

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SO LET’S TALK ABOUT THE NEW SANDERS SIDES VIDEO

This is gonna be a long post. I have a lot of thoughts about this episode. There is going to be some serious talk about my own personal experiences with violent intrusive thoughts and also me just appreciating this amazing episode.

I was one of the people that was convinced it was going to be about depression. I am so glad it wasn’t. A lot of people have talked about depression, but no one, at least as far as I know, have really touched upon intrusive thoughts. I had the exact same dilemma as Thomas last year where I thought I was going insane because I couldn’t control my own brain and I had a horrible mental breakdown and I was convinced I was a horrible person because of my intrusive thoughts. I cried and talked to people about it and through doing so it was made clear to me that these intrusive thoughts were just that, thoughts. Nothing more. They hold nothing over me. I still suffer from them, but now I know what they are.

I was also certain there wasn’t going to be another side introduced. It’s been a year since Deceit was introduced, we’ve only just gotten to know Deceit a little better, there won’t be another side. BOY WAS I WRONG

The episode starts with Thomas, Virgil and Patton trying not to think about the intrusive thoughts he was having that kept him awake. I have intrusive thoughts like that all the time. I vividly imagine my family members dying, or even myself dying. I vividly imagine someone breaking into the house and killing me. My brain does what Virgil and Patton do, freak out and try to think about something else. This video has made me realise how much I repress thoughts like that.

My anxiety also makes me have intrusive thoughts. Whenever I have an anxiety attack I vividly imagine myself killing myself in gory detail because I’ve gotten into this cycle of hating myself whenever I have an attack. I get scared, what if I lose control one day and these thoughts become reality?

I love how the audio became muffled and the intrusive thought creeped in. I like to think of the mind like a radio, tuning in and out of different frequencies, and sometimes, or most of the time like for me, you can’t control the frequencies it jumps to. And suddenly you’re imagining your loved one being killed or dying.

I SCREAMED BLOODY MURDER WHEN THOSE HANDS CREEPED OUT

I WAS NOT EXPECTING A NEW SIDE AT ALL

I WAS SO TERRIFIED

HOLY SHIT THAT CHARACTER DESIGN I AM IN LOVE STRAIGHT AWAY

BUT AAAAAAAA WHAT ARE YOU DOING WHAT THE HELL

When he smacked Roman in the head and knocked him out I was so shook, this Sanders Sides has stepped into totally new territory

LOOK AT HIM OMG HE HAS A MOUSTACHE I WASN’T EXPECTING A NEW SIDE TO HAVE FACIAL HAIR HOLY SHIT

THE DUKE

HIS VOICE

HE HAS A DIFFERENT VOICE

THERE IS NO ENDING TO THOMAS’ TALENT

The way the song starts is eVeRyThInG

THESE EFFECTS I CAN’T DEAL AAAAAAAAA

I FUCKING SCREAMED

HIS SIX ARMS I LOVE IT REMUS’ SASSY STANCE I AM LIVING FOR IT

If you shared those musings with your friends, I doubt they would forgive you.

Gosh. I relate to this too much. I was so scared that I would somehow reveal these bad thoughts to people and they would hate me and everyone would hate me and think I was an awful person.

Even though everybody sins, everybody dies.

FAVOURITE PART OF THE SONG HANDS DOWN THOMAS’ VOICE IS AMAZING AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Why deny yourself knowledge, say, knowledge of yourself!

These lyrics are amazing. They encapsulating what I was thinking when I had really bad intrusive thoughts. I still have them, but when I first started noticing I had them I spiralled so far down. “What if this is who I am...what if I’m not the nice person I think I am?”

hELP I LOVE HIM BUT I HATE HIM BUT I LOVE HIM

I always love the villain. I hate everything they’ve done and don’t condone any of it, but I absolutely love them, especially if they are as fabulous as the Duke Remus.

These sorts of things are only thought in the mind of a man whose soul is truly rotten.

Oof. I relate to that thought process.

So let all your hopes of heaven be forgotten, ‘cause your head’s not in the gutter, pal, it’s in hell!

I wasn’t expecting religious imagery. I really love that. I don’t relate to the religious ideas brought up in this episode as I am not religious, but I do love the fact that he talked about them. Also, when Deceit said, “Wow, Thomas, it seems that your moral compass is pointed south, towards hell!” that was definitely foreshadowing for Thomas to spiral into this. That’s why Patton reacted so viscerally to that comment.

Remus: Juicy butthole!

Me:

Me: what...what is happening in this Sanders Sides

THIS FACE I LOVE IT

THE JAZZ HANDS AND THE HIGH VOICE AAAAAA WHY DO I LOVE HIM AND HATE HIM

Patton did a real good job!

Oh my goodness, this precious boi.

How about...DEMENTED?

I C H O K E D

What is my deal? Um, bitch? What is YOUR deal?

My exact thought process. “Am I actually a horrible person because I’m having such awful thoughts like this, there’s definitely something wrong with me...but I can’t stop it...”

Oh no....oh no!

My heart broke at the horror and sadness that washes over Thomas’ and Patton’s face.

another good remus screenshot

Oh my goodness, the way he tortures Logan throughout the episode was awful for me to watch cause MY BABY LOGAN, but I love how Logan doesn’t react. I love Logan’s determination.

You bastard.

IT WAS A LONG TIME COMING HELL YES VIRGIL

I’d love to see the bloopers for this bit, oh my gosh.

Ooh! How fun! You know who could help us with that?

AWW MAN YOU GOT MY HOPES UP XDD

That’s what repression is!?

I love Patton’s reaction, cause I had the same reaction. Repression is so easy to do cause you often don’t know you are doing it.

This is not about me wanting to be listened to. You all are not listening to Thomas.

THIS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT OH MY GOSH

Virgil: But what if he’s lying?

Logan: I can assure you, he’s not. You’re just para- expressing an unhealthy amount of concern. Thank you for being on guard. But for now, you must listen.

I love this part so much. It calls back to when Roman almost called Virgil paranoid, but then switched it to vigilant. Logan realised he was getting too worked up and angry and so stopped himself. This is great development from when he lashed out at Roman in Learning New Things About Ourselves. Calling Virgil “paranoid” is destructive and will make Virgil not feel listened to. He is aware of that. He is making sure Virgil still feels like he’s a valued part of Thomas’ mind.

another good remus screenshot

THAT IS WHY I SAY IT!

GOSH I LOVE LOGAN SO MUCH YES LOGAN GO OFF

I love being given two d’s at once!

Me:

Me: ...again what is happening

When Logan revealed that the problem was within Patton and Virgil, my heart dropped. I wasn’t expecting that.

Record scratch!?

I LOVE HIM AAAAA

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN AM I COOL DOES THIS MAKE ME COOL

OMG PRECIOUS BOI AAAA

I WAS SO SHOOK WHEN HE SAID HIS NAME JUST LIKE THAT

ALSO THAT SLY DIG AT VIRGIL AAAAA

oof. this sad boi. :”(

Oh shut up, Nerdy Wolverine!

OMG I JUST REALISED THIS IS WHAT ROMAN SAYS AT THE END AAAAA

I S C R E A M E D

we just witnessed a side die guys

the angst fanfiction is coming to life

The Duke only has power over you because Virgil and Patton believe that he does.

Hit me hard. I’ve never related more to a Sanders Sides episode.

This. THIS. So poignant and brilliant! This is how it feels!

good logan screenshot

Virgil was right. Not all thoughts are meaningful.

This idea is what helped me better deal with intrusive thoughts. Your brain just fires random thoughts at you, they don’t necessarily mean anything.

I mean, look at him now! He barely got any rest due in large part to you two chastising him all night!

I love how Logan tells them off. UGH I LOVE HIM

And that is why the Duke feels like such a threat, in part, at least. The feeling that you may be a bad person who doesn’t have control over yourself or your destiny, causes you to fear that you may actually act on these thoughts.

Gosh this episode is hitting me hard.

It’s okay.

Everything is okay.

Logan’s soft voice as he said that made me emotional. His whole speech here is so lovely and helpful. It is okay to have these thoughts cross your mind. You are not a horrible person.

His talk about going to therapy is amazing too. It’s so inspiring. It has encouraged me to want to go back to the therapy because of my recent increase in violent intrusive thoughts.

Oh my goodness, Patton’s realisation and development. This is lovely.

You tickle me, emo!

...was that a tickle me elmo reference

Good seeing you again, Virgil! It was just like old times!

Me:

Me: wAIT A MINUTE--

Oh shut up, Nerdy Wolverine! NO! Ugh...I mean...I’m sorry, Logan. I didn’t mean that.

THERE’S SO MUCH CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT IN THIS EPISODE I CAN’T DEAL

Thomas: You’re really...cool.

Logan: ...heh.

Me: ACTUALLY SOBBING

THESE TWIN BROTHERS OH MY GOODNESS YES

It shows you...everything you don’t want to be.

There are some really hard hitting lines in this episode.

I’m a little disappointed in myself.

The others. I thought I knew how to handle them.

Yeah, but, I should know better.

Because I was one of them.

Virgil being insecure about his power and how much he can protect Thomas almost makes me cry. That last line...oh my goodness. Thomas and his team really know how to write a narrative. It seems that we’re gonna get some lore and backstory at some point after all.

Thomas and his team have done such a good job with this episode. It is my favourite Sanders Sides by far because of the fact that this topic has not really been talked about much, and they talked about it and showed what it’s like so brilliantly. I respect Thomas so much for pushing the boundaries of his channel to talk about this. Thank you, Thomas. I and and so many people needed this.

I realise that I need to go back to therapy. Thank you, Logan for encouraging me.

#ts spoilers #sanders sides #logan sanders #roman sanders #virgil sanders #patton sanders #deceit sanders #remus sanders #dealing with intrusive thoughts #thomas sanders

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mr-stjames-icon · 4 years

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Words Fail: Self Para/Starter?

@imcooperanderson

Jesse laughed softly at her question. “What was I like in High School? God, that takes me back.” He chuckled string his iced tea with his reusable straw. The sound of the ice clinking against the glass filled the air as his smile slowly vanished. He gave a small shrug and shook his head reflecting on his time at Carmel. “I… I wasn’t a nice guy. I had one goal and that was to be the best. Better than anyone else. I joined the best show choir in the country. I rose to the top of the ranks and we won. Year after year and year. We won four consecutive National Titles and it felt… Amazing. To know everyone in that audience is cheering for you? There’s no greater feeling. The rush of going onto stage to belt out those first notes, the way the heat touches your skin from the lights… It’s ecstasy.” He began softly. “You know what was the best? Coming home with that trophy. Showing my folks I did something that awesome. I guess I always felt like I had to prove I was better than who I was to them because I was never really theirs…” He didn’t meet her eye knowing that perhaps she might feel the same. “It was amazing entering school with that trophy. Everyone loved you. Everyone wanted to take a photo with you and everyone was dying just to be close to you… I thought those times would never end.” Jesse admired his hard work back then, he was proud of almost everything he had done.

His thoughts turned to Rachel and how he had hurt her. How he had chosen a trophy over a relationship that actually made him feel something back then. He threw it all away for a fourth consecutive National Title. For a first trophy, sure but he had always regretted the actions of his former self. “Okay Sea Monkey, I’m going to go start dinner…” He sat patting her shoulder gently as he hid himself away in the kitchen,

Jesse looked out of the window of the kitchen and to the garage where Cooper was. Had he been doing that now? Was he still choosing a trophy over love? In his eyes their relationship had always started with a drunk kiss which evolved into so much more. Cooper was the reason Jesse knew he liked dudes. Cooper was the person to make him feel that way Rachel made him feel all those years ago. But there was no trophy this time, at least not one that was obvious to him.

He had noted his absence of late and his mind couldn’t help but wonder if Cooper did worry he didn’t like him. It was understandable, he was harsh, rash and critical. But that was how he had always been. Carmel demanded the best and there was no room for weakness. It was lessons he had carried with him, even into his adulthood. It had made him a great director and a fantastic actor willing to take on as much feedback as possible. He was tough but only because he cared.

Jesse turned on the oven and started to busy himself with the food as he reflected further. The fights they had, the arguments, the tears that they had both shed. They had both been through a lot together. The ups and downs, the ugly and the beautiful. Jesse had always found answers in Cooper, answers to questions he didn’t even know he had. He would have never moved back to LA, not after the first time around. The embarrassment of being kicked out of UCLA. The way people talked about him, like he was some kind of idiot, a kid who had a pretty face but nothing upstairs. But here he was. Living in a house and now coaching a new show choir. It was something that a few months ago he would have found absurd. In fact, he had only ever had hopes of living and dying in New York. It was his home but he had come to the realisation that his home wasn’t New York. It wasn’t Broadway and it certainly wasn’t their old apartment. It was Cooper.

Their family was expanding beyond anything he had ever dreamed. He had Moriah who he loved, of course. But now they had a teenage foster-daughter, a kid that needed a lot of love. Jesse admired that girl beyond anything he would care to admit, even to himself. Ramona would be in foster care still if the two of them hadn’t come along. They would have an empty room filled with meaningless trophies where a bed currently lay.

It was nice to feel loved. To wake up every morning next to someone and see their face, just knowing that they trusted and loved you was a blessing. Waking up next to Cooper was the best part of his day because he was still by his side. They had both gambled in this life but his best risk had always been that brown eyed boy. Perhaps he had been too harsh in recent times, perhaps the quarantine was to blame or perhaps it was time to let down those walls. Cooper was the man he had decided to propose to. The man who he wanted to give marriage a try with again. He trusted him, didn’t he?

Of course he did and he knew Cooper trusted him in return. While he had never been good at being emotionally supportive, he appreciated the trust that Cooper had put into him. Perhaps it was time to lower the guard. Jesse opened the fridge and poured himself a glass of wine. He swirled the liquid in the glass and quickly downed it. Would it kill him to be honest with Cooper?

Jesse lowered the oven’s heat and left the house making his way to the garage. He was about to knock and enter when he stopped himself. Did Cooper even want him here? The two had seemed quiet and indifferent with each other of late and he wasn’t sure why. All he knew was that things had changed.

He took a step back and looked at the door in front of him contemplating knocking and telling him that he loved him. Deciding the best way to tell him how much he truly loved him. More than anything. But that voice was being pulled down back into his throat by the tiny hands of the devils from years long ago.

Jesse ran a hand through his hair as the words ‘man up St James’ flooded his head. ‘Pull yourself together. We can’t win this with you being emotional.’ He brushed a tear from his eyes and kicked a nearby bush cursing under his breath. Why couldn’t he do this? Did he even need to do this or was it all in his head?

That was when an idea struck him. Jesse rushed back into the house and found Ramona still on the sofa where he had left her. “Ramona, I need your help.” He grinned happily in his checkered navy shirt.

It took a lot of doing to keep Cooper out of the house, a lot of convincing and a lot of distraction, but the two had managed to do it. Jesse had turned the living room into their own personal fort filled with all the nerdy shit he loved. There was printed posters of Star Wars on the walls, black curtains with cut out stars placed around the blanket walls of the fort and candles safely lit to provide that natural glow of life within the fort. He sprayed soft vanilla around the room and selected Disney + on the TV apps. He loaded up the first Star Wars movie and finally, he headed out to Cooper.

Jesse knocked and only when he was told to enter did he do so. “Okay, so here’s the thing: Doofus. I love you and I know you’re not an idiot. Myself and Sea Monkey have deliberately been keeping you out of the house today and that’s because I have a surprise for you.

He took his hands softly in his and led him into the living room to show off their handy work. The Star Wars theme was playing in the background courtesy of their digital assistant and Ramona stood proudly by their homely fort wearing her hair in Leia’s signature buns.

“You tell anyone I did this and I’ll kick you in the nads.” She teased lightly as she admired their handy work on her hair.

Jesse took both of Cooper’s hands in his and looked at him. “I know I’m hard on you sometimes and I’m sorry. I think I’ve been a little too mean on you recently and I’m sorry… God, this is killing me to say that word so many times in such a short time…” He paused. “I’m sorry for that comment. But right now, I want you to forget about anything other than Luke Skywalker finding out he’s a jedi. Going to fight Darth Vadar on the Death Star to rescue Princess Leia and meet Han Solo and the carpet. I haven’t been honest with you Cooper. I watched all those dumb movies the day you told me that you were cast in Mandalorian. I support you in everything you do and I want for you, right now to join us in a family film night watching the first movie. Well, technically we’ll be watching the fourth movie in the series but the first to be released into the world. Did you know originally it was going to be called Blue Harvest and that it was only ever called Star Wars not Star Wars: A New Hope?” He clicked his tongue proudly. “That’s right, I did my research.” He turned to Ramona mouthing; “Did I get that right?!” Only for her to shrug.

“Pizza is on the way, I made sure to order your favourite, plus there’s a cold bottle in the fridge with your name on it. We can’t go out for date night so baby, I brought date night to you. Will you be my date?” He asked innocently.

#self para #thread #thread: cooper #1704 words #my wrist hurts and its 430am

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lucywithlupus · 5 years

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What is arthritis?/ ¿Qué es la artritis?

Arthritis: (noun) friend, enemy, part of your body, the victim, bully, strong, weak, ally or oppressor?

We talked a lot about arthritis in this blog: about what it is, how it affected me and how you need to take of yourself if you have it. But we never really started how we should have, in the "Tutorial" section of the game. Which is why this post today will bring you your daily dose of facts and nerdiness to further explain a couple of key points:

1. What arthritis is? 2. Who has arthritis? 3. How do you know you have arthritis? 4. Where does it come from? 5. How can you treat it?

Don't worry! Each of these will be short and simple, just like they should be. No medical terms or bad internet connection is going to stop me from delivering the truth to the masses!

And now, without further ado, here we go: What is arthritis?

What is arthritis?

"So.. What is it? What is it?!"I see you yell at your computer screen.

I understand that need for an answer. When I first got diagnosed, being told I had arthritis was relieving for 5 seconds, until I realized I had no clue what I was facing and what was causing this.

Well here is your answer, pal! Grab that popcorn!

Arthritisis a symptom of joint inflammation and stiffness that may develop from a completely separate illness or may be independent as a medical disorder. If it is a disorder, it means that there is a chemical disbalance in your body that chronically or temporarily causes pain in your joints.

See? Simple.

Arthritis is what is known as an autoimmunedisorder, in which your body- aka your white blood cells and antibodies- basically attacks itself in a specific region, in this case, your joints.

There are two types of arthritis: systemic, which affects all of your body, and localized, which may affect one or a few joints.

Now, there are more than 100 types of arthritis and arthritis-related conditions. Next up, a speedy round of the most frequently found types of arthritis in the USA and the UK:

1. Osteoarthritis:your bones and cartilage are compromised and damaged by breaking of the joint, caused by aging.

2. Rheumatoid Arthritis (hi!):your immune system attacks itself, targeting your joints.

3. Psoriatic Arthritis:similar to rheumatoid arthritis, with the addition of itchy red patches on your skin known as psoriasis.

4. Gout:a very painful form of arthritis, which basically collects uric acid crystals in your joints.

5. Juvenile arthritis:similar to rheumatoid arthritis, only that it specifically refers to those patients that are diagnosed before the age of 16 years old.

There are other autoimmune conditions like lupus and fibromyalgia, which are similar to arthritis. However, here we are generous and we share, so they will have their own informative posts soon :)

Who has arthritis?

In one of my first posts, we discussed how people with arthritis come from so many different walks of life and that, because it is an "invisible illness", it is very hard to tell if someone has arthritis just by looking at them.

We also noted that some types of arthritis (like osteoarthritis and lupus) tend to be more common in certain age groups (elders and young adults).

A study by the Centre for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) concluded the following after a two-year study of the American population from 2013 to 2015:

○ 49.6% of people with arthritis are elderly people ○ 26% of people with arthritis are women ○ 4.4 million with arthritis are Hispanic, followed closely by Caucasians Basically, I fit into almost all the categories, thanks to life. At least I still consider myself young. For now.

This pattern repeats itself across specific types of arthritis. If you do fit these criteria, it's better to do a checkup and seek early treatments. Before it's too late, people!

How do you know you have arthritis?

You can't until it's too late! We're doomed! Bye!

Just kidding. The first step is seeking is, obviously, a doctor if you feel pain constantly, weaker than usual or just not well.

The doctor (seek a rheumatologist for joints specifically) will most likely begin with a normal checkup and an initial joint evaluation. They will examine your hand, knees and feet, and perhaps, arms and legs. They will look for clues such as visible swelling, stiffness or redness.

After that, they may or may not ask for a blood test or an X-ray, depending if they suspect the presence of arthritis in your body. Normal blood test indicators for arthritis are Sed rate (or erythrocyte sedimentation rate or ESR), C-reactive protein or elevated antibodies. If these three are elevated, then there is a fat chance that you have arthritis and it is inflaming your joints right now.

X- rays are mostly to visualize joint damage. Ultrasounds or MRI may show the loss of tissue, fluid accumulation in the joints, etc.

Warning:Doctors will begin treatment rather quickly when arthritis is detected in the slightest. This is because arthritis doesn't play: it gets worse and worse unless you apply anti-inflammatories asap. This is not harmful to you or your health at all, the doctor is only trying to avoid further damage from happening. Of course, further checkups and tests will give you plenty of time to discuss alternative treatments with your specialist.

Where does it come from?

Nobody knows. That is the right answer this time.

Some medical professionals believe that arthritis is caused by genetic mutations that may or may not hereditary. It has been proven by research that arthritis, in comparison to other autoimmune disorders like Type 1 diabetes, is not as hereditarily transmissible as it once was believed to be.

The class II genes, HLA–DR1 and HLA–DR4, are the ones now being investigated and partially blamed to be primary suspects.

However, many believe that lifestyle and environmental conditions can increase the chances of having arthritis. After all, stress, long work hours, pollution, low, and mental illnesses tend to go hand in hand with arthritis patients.

So do not worry that much yet. But always stay ready!

How can you treat it?

I have talked about these two already:Ibuprofenand Paracetamol, queens of the universe, saviors of today and tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow….

You get the point. Normally, if a doctor detects arthritis, they will right away prescribe paracetamol. This is because ibuprofen and other NSAIDs are very common allergens that may be risky to give to a new patient right away, especially when they do not have a complete medical record.

So, if your doctor gets suspicious and gives you a high brow, just take the paracetamol as instructed, inform them of your progress and come back later if you need to. Don't go through the pain without any help! It will only get worse! Trust me!

Aaand there you have it, folks! I hope you learned something today and hopefully will not forget your weekly dose of facts featuring me, the voice of reason. Take care of yourself, go to your checkups and don't worry too much!

Love you! Bye!

References

(1) Sed rate (erythrocyte sedimentation rate). Available from:

https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/sed-rate/about/pac-20384797

.(2) Robert F. Meenan, Paul M. Gertman and John H. Mason. Measuring Health status in arthritis. Arthritis & Rheumtology. 1980; 23 (2): 146-152. Available from:

https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/epdf/10.1002/art.1780230203

.(3) David N. Glass, Edward H. Giannini. Arthritis & Rheumatism. Official Journal of the American College of Rheumatology. 1999; 42 (11): 2261-2268. Available from:

https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/epdf/10.1002/1529-0131%28199911%2942%3A11%3C2261%3A%3AAID-ANR1%3E3.0.CO%3B2-P

.(4) Joseph Lee Hollander. Arthritis and Allied Conditions: A Textbook of Rheumatology. ; 1960.(5) DrAngeloRavelliMD, ProfAlbertoMartiniMDa. Juvenile Idiopathic Arthritis. The Lancet. 2007; 369 (9563): 767-778. Available from:

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0140673607603638

.(6) Sources of Arthritis Pain Available from:

https://www.arthritis.org/living-with-arthritis/pain-management/understanding/types-of-pain.php

.------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Artritis: (sustantivo) amigo, enemigo; parte del cuerpo; víctima, abusador; fuerte, débil; camarada o opresor?

Ya hemos conversado mucho a cerca la artritis en este blog: qué es, cómo me afectó y cómo necesitas cuidarte si la tienes. Pero nunca iniciamos donde debimos haberlo hecho, en el nivel "Tutorial" de este videojuego. Por eso, en este post les traigo su dosis diaria de ciencia y verdades para explicar unos puntos clave:

¿Qué es la artritis?

¿Quién tiene artritis?

¿Cómo sabes si tienes artritis?

¿De dónde viene la artritis?

¿Cómo la puedes tratar?

No se preocupen! Cada una de estos puntos serán rápidos y sencillos de enter, justo como deberían ser. Ningún término médico o mala conexión al wifi me detendrá de exponer la verdad a las masas!

Y ahora, sin más preámbulos, aquí vamos! ¿Qué es la artritis?

¿Qué es la artritis?

"Así que… dinos ya, qué es? Qué es?!"Te veo gritarle al monitor.

Entiendo tu necesidad de una respuesta. Cuando a mi me diagnosticaron, el diagnóstico definitivo de artritis me dio tranquilidad por 5 segundos, hasta que me di cuenta que no tenía ni idea de qué estaba enfrentando y qué lo causaba.

Bueno aquí están esas respuestas también! Agarra tu canchita!

La artritis esun síntoma de inflamación articular y rigidez que puede desarrollarse por una enfermedad totalmente diferente o puede presentarse de manera independiente como una condición médica. Si es una condición, significa que tu cuerpo tiene dolor crónico o temporal articular.

Ves? Eso fue fácil!

La artritis es una condición autoinmune, lo que significa que tu cuerpo- tus células blancas y anticuerpos- básicamente se ataca a sí mismo en una región específica, en este caso tus articulaciones.

Hay dos tipos de artritis: sistémica, que afecta todo tu cuerpo, y localizada, que puede afectar una o más articulaciones.

Ahora, hay más de 100 tipos de artritis y condiciones relacionadas. Proseguiremos con una ronda rápida de los tipos de artritis más frecuentes en los Estados Unidos y en Gran Bretaña:

Osteoartritis:tus huesos y el cartílago están comprometidos y dañados porque la articulación se está deteriorando, es causado por el envejecimiento.

Artritis reumatoide (hola!):tu sistema inmune se ataca a sí mismo, atacando tus articulaciones.

Artritis psoriásica: similar a la artritis reumatoide, pero también incluye ronchas rojas y picazón en la piel, una condición mejor conocida como psoriasis.

Gota:artritis altamente dolorosa, que acumula cristales de ácido úrico en tus articulaciones.

Artritis juvenil:similar a la artritis reumatoide, solo que es específicamente diagnosticada antes de los 16 años de edad.

Condiciones autoinmunes como el lupus y la fibromialgia son otros diagnósticos similares a la artritis, pero que aquí los trataremos con cariño y les haremos sus propios posts informativos :)

¿Quién tiene artritis?

En uno de mis primeros posts, discutimos cómo las personas con artritis tienen vidas totalmente diversas y, por ello, es muy difícil distinguir la artritis solo con mirar a una persona.

También vimos que hay tipos de artritis (como la osteoartritis) tiende a ser más comunes en ciertos grupos de edad (como los viejitos).

Un estudio por el Centre of Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) concluyó lo siguiente después dedos años de examinar a la población estadounidense del 2013 al 2015:

49.6% de personas con artritis son ancianos

26% de personas con artritis son mujeres

4.4 millones de personas con artritis son hispanas, seguidas de los caucásicos

En pocas palabras, yo califico para casi todas estas estadísticas, yupi. Al menos todavía me considero joven. Por ahora.

Este patrón se repite a lo largo de todos los tipos de artritis. Si crees que tu perfil es parecido a lo descrito, es mejor hacerte chequear y buscar un tratamiento temprano. Antes que sea demasiado tarde!

¿Cómo sabes si tienes artritis?

No puedes! Es demasiado tarde! Estamos condenados! Adios mundo cruel!Solo bromeo. El primer paso es, obviamente, ir al doctor si sientes dolor constante, debilidad o simplemente no te sientes bien.

El doctor (un reumatólogo es un doctor para enfermedades articulares) iniciará con un chequeo regular y una evaluación inicial de las articulaciones. Examinará tus manos, rodillas, pies y quizá, brazos y piernas. Se encontrarán pistas como inflamación visible, rigidez o manchas rojas.

Después de eso, te pedirán o no que completes un análisis de sangre o una prueba de rayos X, dependiendo si hay sospecha de artritis.

Los indicadores de sangre más comunes para la artritis son la velocidad de sedimentación or ESR, la proteína C reactiva o anticuerpos elevados. Si estos tres indicadores salen elevados, hay una buena chance de que tengas artritis y esté causando un proceso inflamatorio en tu cuerpo justo ahora.

Los rayos X se utilizan para visualizar algún daño articular. Ultrasonidos o MRI pueden mostrar pérdida de tejido, acumulación de fluidos en las articulaciones, etc.

Advertencia:Los doctores inician rápidamente el tratamiento para la artritis cuando esta es detectada, incluso de manera mínima. Esto es porque la artritis no es broma: solo se pone peor y peor si no aplicas anti inflamatorios de inmediato. Este tratamiento inicial no debería comprometer tu salud en absoluto, pues el especialista solo esta tratando es disminuir el daño lo más rápido posible. Claro que, después de futuras consultas y pruebas, deberías pensar y discutir con tus padres y doctor acerca de la posibilidad de tratar la artritis de otros modos.

¿De donde viene la artritis?

Nadie sabe. Esta vez si es la respuesta correcta.

Profesionales de la medicina creen que la artritis es causada por mutaciones genéticas que podrían o no ser hereditarias. Fue probado en múltiples ocasiones que la artritis, en comparación a otros desórdenes como la diabetes Tipo 1, no es tan transmisible por herencia como se pensaba.

Los genes de clase II, HLA–DR1 y HLA–DR4, son los que ahoran están siendo investigados y parcialmente puestos como sospechosos principales.

No obstante, muchos creen que el estilo de vida y las condiciones medio ambientales incrementas las posibilidades de tener artritis. Esto es parcialmente cierto, pues el estrés, las largas horas de trabajo, la polución, la baja estima y las enfermedades mentales van de la mano con los pacientes de artritis.

Así que no te preocupes mucho de eso todavía. Pero siempre mantente alerta!

¿Cómo tratar la artritis?

Ya hablé de estas dos: Ibuprofenoy Paracetamol, reinas del universo, heroes del hoy y del mañana, y mañana, y mañana….

Creo que ya lo entendiste. Normalmente, si un doctor detecta artritis, prescribirá panadol de inmediato. Esto es debido a que el ibuprofeno y otros medicamentos no esteroideos (AINES) pueden causar alergias, por lo cual es riesgoso en un paciente nuevo sin un historial médico completo.

Así que, si tu doctor se pone sospechoso, solo toma el panadol como indicado en tu receta, informa al doctor de tu progreso y regresa más adelante si lo necesitas No vayas por el dolor sin ayuda! Toma el panadol por ahora! Confía en mí!

Yyy eso es todo lo que tengo para ustedes hoy, amigos! Espero que hayan aprendido algo hoy y no olviden su dosis semanal de información conmigo, la voz de la razón. Cuídense, vayan a sus chequeos y no se preocupen mucho!

Los amo! Chau!

References

(1) Sed rate (erythrocyte sedimentation rate). Available from:

https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/sed-rate/about/pac-20384797

.(2) Robert F. Meenan, Paul M. Gertman and John H. Mason. Measuring Health status in arthritis. Arthritis & Rheumtology. 1980; 23 (2): 146-152. Available from:

https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/epdf/10.1002/art.1780230203

.(3) David N. Glass, Edward H. Giannini. Arthritis & Rheumatism. Official Journal of the American College of Rheumatology. 1999; 42 (11): 2261-2268. Available from:

https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/epdf/10.1002/1529-0131%28199911%2942%3A11%3C2261%3A%3AAID-ANR1%3E3.0.CO%3B2-P

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0140673607603638

.(6) Sources of Arthritis Pain Available from:

https://www.arthritis.org/living-with-arthritis/pain-management/understanding/types-of-pain.php

#lupus #lupuswarrior #systemic lupus erythematosus #inflammatory arthritis #gouty arthritis #psoriatic arthritis #types of arthritis #chronic pain #chronically ill #juvenile idiopathic arthritis #invisibledisabilities #disability #fibromyalgia #fibrowarrior

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rocketpowerreg · 6 years

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hey now, you’re my biggest fear → harpie

TAGGING→ @notthatharperlee @rocketpowerreg DATE→ Thursday July 5th, 2018 PLACE→ Harper & Natalie’s NYU Dorm room NOTES→ After spending the entirety of the 4th of July together, Harper and Reggie wake up cuddled in bed. In that moment, Harper gains the courage to ask Reggie on a date despite their no-feelings agreement. Cue a panicked and flustered Regina AUTHOR’S NOTES → sometimes you just gotta post a para a month and a half later JUST TO FEEL

REGGIE CLIFFTON

Waking up the next day in a place that wasn’t the studio Reggie lived in was a pretty normal way for days to start. They tended to either be completely unfamiliar locations or somewhere she knew well, and as she opened her eyes from the sun peaking in past the dorm room blinds, Reggie instantly knew she was at Harper’s place. Even while a little groggy she could tell simply from having been there so much lately. And if that hadn’t been enough of an indicator, the fact that her arms were wrapped around Harper herself would have been. For a brief moment Reggie paused, her mind thinking about how they landed here. Sure waking up in bed together was pretty on par for them, but they were fully clothed. Which meant either they were really sneaky with screwing around, or they actually hadn’t done so last night and instead fell asleep cuddling. Reggie was sure it was the latter.

Laying there a moment as she let that sink in, Reggie looked down at Harper who’s head was resting on her chest, her face slightly buried in the crook of Reggie’s neck. Without realizing it, a smirk graced Reggie’s lips, finding herself not wanting to disrupt Harper from her slumber. So she didn’t. Instead Reggie rested her head lightly against the top of Harper’s, soaking in peacefulness of the moment and the feeling of the girl beside her while no one was there to catch her do it. Reggie was always a private person, but that had become especially so in the last five years. Which lead to her only being her most sincere self when it felt like no one was watching. Unfortunately, the atmosphere was ruined as her phone started blaring the alarm normally meant for her to get out of bed and workout before class. But it was a holiday week and so she had neither work or classes to consider today, and therefore, the alarm was disturbing the peace for no reason. Carefully removing only one arm from her hold on Harper, she grabbed her phone in her pocket and silenced it, knowing full well there wasn’t any way that the girl hadn’t heard it, “Sorry,” Reggie chuckled, keeping her laughter contained so Harper wouldn’t have to have a continued rude awakening by her body’s convulsions, “Didn’t mean to wake you, your highness.”

HARPER CLARINGTON

The shrill ring of a phone alarm wasn’t exactly the wake-up call Harper was expecting. She blinked her eyes groggily, satisfaction rolling down her core at the realization that it was Reggie’s arm wrapped around her on this post-holiday morning. Harper allowed herself to sink back into the brunette’s embrace with a smile. “I’ll pardon you, but only this time,” she teased. “Because you treated me to the perfect night.” The statement wasn’t a lie. Harper had spent the Fourth walking along the harbor hand in hand with Reggie, pausing every so often to kiss under the fireworks or sneak a bite from the patriotic edible she had prepared. With the way she had been feeling about Reggie lately it was an added bonus to discover that the girl had fallen asleep cuddling her. From the beginning Reggie had been upfront with her about being casual and at first Harper had no complaints. She couldn’t help but wonder if Reggie staying the night proved that her feelings weren’t hers alone. The conversation with Matt gnawed at her conscious, prompting her to twist herself up onto her elbows.

“I’ve been meaning to ask you something,” Harper started, her voice faltering from nerves. There’s no time like the present, Clarington. She took a deep breath and pulled Reggie’s hand into her own. “After all of this I’m going to ask you to forgive me for sounding like a massive dork. These past couple of weeks have been… fucking amazing, Reggie. You told me from the start that doing things casually is your modus operandi, but I’d love the chance to take you on a real date.” Harper let her gaze drop down to their hands, suddenly unable to face the girl. “So what do you say? Or am I officially too nerdy for you?”

REGGIE CLIFFTON

As Harper's body turned, Reggie loosened hold on her so she could freely move. It was almost second nature by now for her to try to assist Harper in any way she could. She had a smirk on, as Reggie was always instantly interested in whatever Harper had to say. She would have been too distracted by how cute and shy she looked had she not managed to hear what she was saying. "What?" Reggie asked, her eyes trained on Harper as she let out a nervous chuckle with confused expression. Despite her education, when it came to anything dealing with emotions, Reggie was clueless. Yet there she was, in bed with a girl who was asking her on a date. Which, in truth, was new. Reg had been used to being the pursuer over the years, and upon realizing she was being genuinely pursued, her heart was racing from a multitude of emotions that made the situation feel overwhelming, "I uh, no," Reggie stumbled, her usually cool exterior nowhere in sight for as she tried to figure out what to say, "As in, no you're not too nerdy for me. Not no to the other thing. That's-... something else."

Reggie shook her head, feeling her cheeks heating up as she realized how little sense she was making. It was frustrating her and at this rate, she would wind up ruining whatever it was they had. Reggie’s eyes glanced down and noticed that despite her panic, she hadn't let Harper's hand go. Amazing enough, the sight gave Reggie an odd sense of calm, and courage. Enough so that she was starting to get her heartbeat to slowly settle as she allowed her eyes to find Harper's gaze. The girl was putting her heart on her sleeve, and Reggie found it hard to deny it though her pessimistic nature made her feel like she should, "Can I just ask why? Why do you want to go on a date when you know who I am?” Reggie asked with an earnest tone, her thumb lightly brushing over Harper's knuckles as if to silently give some reassurance. She didn’t want Harper thinking she’d done something wrong, “I could hurt you, you know.”

HARPER CLARINGTON

Harper could feel her heart stutter and fall as Reggie’s expression shifted from confused to shocked. Once again she had jumped the gun and had made a fool of herself. The last few weeks they had spent nearly every free moment together and despite Reggie’s warning, Harper had fallen for her. Heat flooded her cheeks as her mind scrambled for a reasonable way to backtrack, her embarrassment further fueled by the fact that Reggie wouldn’t meet her eyes as she stuttered out an answer. The diatribe of vicious thoughts against herself were already warming up in preparation for another ruined relationship.

It was the gentle brush of Reggie’s thumb against her skin that brought Harper back into focus, the honesty of her question proving that she was giving the idea some legitimate thought. There were so many ways to answer the girl’s question and while it certainly wasn’t appropriate, Harper found herself letting out a weak laugh. “Reggie, don’t you see? That’s exactly why I want to go on a date with you. The last couple of weeks have proven that you’re anything but what the rumors say you are. You’re genuine and resilient, compassionate and easy-going. That’s not even counting the fact that you’re one hell of a cook. Yes, you could hurt me. But you know what? I’m willing to take that chance for a shot with you.”

REGGIE CLIFFTON

Reggie kept her eyes very much trained on Harper as she waited for an answer. And as she got one, it was one that again made Reggie's blush. For five years she had been able to come nowhere near such emotional conversations. Now that she was presented with one, her mind and heart had two vastly different, competing reactions. But something that was managing to get through was the fact that Harper was there putting it all out on the line despite the warnings from Reggie herself, and likely others. It was kind of beautiful, and insanely hot, which made it all the more baffling. While she wasn't sure she deserved the chance Harper was presenting, the fact that Reggie's heart was rapidly beating made something crystal clear for her-- she felt something genuine for the other woman.

Reggie nodded her head after Harper finished up, acknowledging that she heard her but needing a second to let what she said sink in. She had always been the type to need to piece things together in her head before responding, especially if it was something outside of the realm of logic and reason. Reggie let go of Harper's hand, but only to put her arm around Harper's body again, "You're something else, Harper Clairington." Reggie said in a soft, sincere tone, pulling Harper close against her as she prepared to give her response. She wanted to be honest with her above all else, and while she worried her brand of honesty would wind up hurting Harper, avoiding the situation was worse. She knew Harper didn't deserve that, so she pressed on, "I can't go on a date with you. Not right now." Reggie started, wishing she wasn't such a pessimistic soul so she could just get past her own problems and give Harper what she wanted right then and there. But alas, she couldn't.

"Going on a date sounds fucking terrifying. Not because of you, but because they mean relationships and serious stuff I've managed to purposefully avoid with anyone. At least anyone before you." One of Reggie's hands tucked some hair behind Harper's ear, and then remained rested lightly on her cheek, lining with the path of her jawline. She took the pause to look down to make eye contact with Harper again. Staring into someone's eyes wasn't customary for Reggie, but she never had a problem with it when it came to Harper's. She even remembered that happening their first night together, which should have tipped Reggie off to turn and run. Yet she hadn't. And even now still wasn't. That meant something, it had to.

"I feel something for you, Harp. But you have to understand I haven't felt anything like this for anyone in... years. Not since high school," Reggie had a chuckle escape as she shook her head at herself. Admitting her fears wasn't her forte, and she had very much kept this aspect of herself unknown, "I know I'm telling you now like it's nothing, but... I've been fighting it for weeks. Denying it. Because even just a second of trying for more with you makes my anxiety kicks into overdrive. I'm no where near as brave as you."

It was clear in Reggie's own eyes that she was saying the truth, though it was difficult. Opening up was always hard, but hell, if Harper could wear her heart so kindly out for Reggie, Reg could try the same for her, "I'm sorry for being too emotionally fucked up to go on a date with right now. But I don't know. Having you here and around actually makes me think eventually I won't be." Reggie's eyes wandered down, looking at their bodies still close by and she had to wonder if this would be the last time it happened. That thought made Reggie's own heart sink but she couldn't dwell on it right now, "I don't want to lose you, but it'd be wrong to keep you hanging on without you knowing any of this. If you want me to go now, I can. No hard feelings."

HARPER CLARINGTON

Harper leaned into the embrace and allowed it to ground her as Reggie thoroughly explained her feelings. Past experience had her on guard almost immediately, ready to jump in and work damage control. It wasn’t until she took a moment to consider why that Harper realized she was preparing herself for another Spencer Porter experience. While Spencer hadn’t been ready to commit either, she knew that expecting Reggie to hurt her in the same way was only playing into the rumors surrounding the brunette. Taking a moment to think about the last couple of weeks alone proved that such an assumption was unfair. Reggie had been nothing but honest and supportive, and Harper wanted to give her the genuine chance they both deserved.

With that in mind she let Reggie’s words sink in. While her heart admittedly stung a little from the rejection, Harper could see that the other girl had only intended it as more of a pause. The date would happen if and when they were both ready for it. Harper toyed with a piece of her hair that kept falling forward, waiting to respond until she felt she had a answer that would do justice to Reggie’s sincerity. “Reggie? I’m not going anywhere unless you ask me to,” she started, lifting her eyes to meet her gaze. “Because, believe it or not, you being so respectful and upfront with me about all of this makes me like you that much more. Even if that means slowing down and cooling my jets.” A light laugh punctuated her last word. “You’re worth it.” Ignoring the anxiety that it would be too much blooming in her chest, Harper tilted her head up and pressed a soft kiss to Reggie’s jawline.

REGGIE CLIFFTON

The bit of silence that came after Reggie spoke from her heart felt like forever. Both in a way that made her nervous, and in a way that made her appreciative. Harper wasn't screaming at her to get out, or telling Reggie that her reasons were bullshit. Which, truthfully, she didn't even consider being a possibility with Harper. It was more just something from past experience when Reggie gave honesty, but Harper wasn't anything like the girls from her past. She was truly the good soul that Reggie believed Harper was from day one. The certainty of this was very much solidified by the time Harper was pressing a kiss on Reggie's jawline. It was such a small, yet sweet gesture, the reassurance on Harper's end easily appreciated. Being someone that did not often let people know her fears and comfort her of them, Reggie wondered, and hoped, it could be something she could get used to if it was with the girl her arms were wrapped around.

"Now I didn't say you had to cool your jets. I like when you're running hot. Especially if I'm the one making it happen." Reggie teased, ducking her head to catch Harper's lips, wanting the seriousness of the moments before to pass by. The two of them were still in a good place and still had a chance. Rather than worry about the what ifs, Reggie relished that feeling. She used to never have a problem with that, and it had been a long time since she had an opportunity to try it again. As they kissed, Reggie shifted her body to have Harper less pressed against Reggie's body and more under it instead. Then Reggie pulled back before they got too lost in the kiss, their eyes connecting and time taking another pause, "Hey," Reggie needlessly greeted. A smirk tugged on the corner of her lips as she placed a hand on the side of Harper's neck, feeling courageous for a moment as she whispered softly, "I like you." They were alone at the moment, but Reggie still wanted the words to only be for Harper's ears. It wasn't much, though it was a start.

#*para: all #*para: 003 #*c: harper #*para: harper

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astoriadahl-blog · 6 years

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Displaced Passions || Self Para

To fight for a cause had always felt important to Astoria. When you believed in something, passionately, you fought for it, and that was exactly what she had been doing. For years now, she had been writing articles, trying, in her small ways, to give her portrayals of werewolves in a different light, something that didn’t portray them as bloodthirsty beasts, their only goal being to kill and transform as many people as possible. It seemed to have been working for a while, but then all the different werewolf attacks started picking up, more and more people dying, more and more people getting hurt. As much as she felt it was the right thing to be fighting, a part of her had started doubting her own opinions, her own beliefs.

There had just been so many attacks during the last year, so many families torn apart, so many people who had died from being attacked by a werewolf. The inkling of doubt had snuck into her head little by little over the span of the year, but the deciding factor on the doubt settling had been when her and Lennox had snuck out into the woods and had run into a man on the verge of turning into a werewolf. While transforming, he had gone in for the attack, scratching her arm. Had Lennox not lost it completely and attacked back, things might have gone so much worse. They both could have gotten killed right there in the woods, but Lennox had saved them both, while seriously hurting the man - the werewolf.

Ever since that day in the woods, Astoria had felt as though she had been fighting for a lie, she felt like perhaps she had been working toward the wrong goal, she had placed her passion on the wrong side. Perhaps she should have placed it elsewhere.

More and more frequently, Astoria had found comfort in the bottom of a bottle, drinking alcohol to lessen the fear and doubt that she was feeling. On Hogsmeade weekends, she often found herself sat in a corner booth at the Hog’s Head, sipping slowly on a butterbeer, a shot of firewhiskey waiting for her on the table. The owner had started recognising her now, pouring up her drinks as she walked into the pub, giving her a nod of acknowledgement as she took her seat. Hair put up in a bun, she took her usual seat as the barkeep brought over her drinks, but this day, Astoria went straight for the shot of firewhiskey, downing the strong liquid in one go. Lost in thought, her gaze traveled across the pub, and a pair caught her attention. They were both intoxicated, speaking loudly, making wild gestures as they drank their alcohol. Tori’s gaze settled on the pair, a skinny man with a lot of hair, he almost looked like he could be a professor, his appearance struck her as a little nerdy. His gestures were the most extreme, he was gesticulating while speaking quickly to his female companion. The female was a beautiful woman, with long, silver hair. Even while seated, the woman looked short beside her friend.

“Stop! Stop! He doesn’t sound like that,” the female said, laughing out loud.

“He so does, and if you weren’t half in love with him, you’d admit it!” Astoria recognised this sort of conversation, two friends talking about their crushes. It made her smile, thinking back to her own conversations with her friends at Hogwarts.

The blush on the silver haired females cheeks was obvious now. She told her friend to shut up, and they both started laughing. Their conversation really wasn’t the most intriguing, so Astoria’s attention moved elsewhere as the pair laughed. But then the man said something that caught her attention.

“Kinda weird being back at Hogwarts though, don’t you think?”

Hogwarts? The two of them were for sure too old to be students, Astoria had not seen either of them before, and she had been at Hogwarts for the past seven years. And they weren’t professors or working at the school. So who were these two people? And why were they at Hogwarts? Even while slightly inebriated, her instincts kicked in to dig and find out more about what they were talking about. Careful not to raise any suspicion, she picked up her drink and moved to a booth closer to where the pair was sitting, sitting with her back to them so they wouldn’t see her curious face. Sipping slowly at her beer, she sat back and listened.

“Or maybe you’re not complaining because you’re locked up with Lysander, sleeping two hammocks over,” the male voice was speaking now, back to the playful teasing. But the teasing wasn’t what was catching her attention now, it was the fact that they were talking about being at Hogwarts. Were they somehow sleeping at Hogwarts? The dungeons had been closed for a long time now, but why? Perhaps this had something to do with it. The pair were laughing again, and a silence followed the laughter.

“Seriously though, Vi… I’m worried about him. You’ve seen how much he’s been drinking, right?” Why did that name sound familiar to her, Astoria was so sure that she had heard Lysander before, but she could not place it.

“We’re all struggling, it’s why we’re here ourselves, Knox. It’s hard, being back in the castle,” the female voice said, and Astoria tried her best not to have a visible reaction, staying natural, drinking from her glass. So they definitely were inside the castle, that much was becoming clear. But why were they in the castle, and where were they staying, what were they doing there?

“You know what I mean.” The man, Knox, said. A thick, tension filled silence followed. Astoria was almost holding her breath. “It’s getting worse for him.”

“Yeah, I know. But-- you can’t say anything, you know what he’s like. Maybe we could say something to Henry.” All these names, these two faces, and Tori could not place any of them.

“Maybe.” The pair of them fell quiet for awhile, and the Gryffindor was afraid to breathe, afraid to move. There were a lot of people at the pub that evening, it was loud, but she felt the silence hang heavy on her shoulders. Not being able to see the two of them, she was almost certain that the silence was due to her being caught listening in on their conversation. Acting had never been her strong suit, but she tried her hardest to seem normal, drinking from her glass, attempting to remain inconspicuous.

“Do you think we’re actually going to make a difference?” The female asked, her name was Vi, that much she had gathered. Astoria tried not to sigh visibly from relief. She had not been caught snooping yet, but it was only a matter of time. Her moving from her original seat had been suspicious enough, but she was trying to not look suspicious, drinking from her glass, but she felt like she needed to do more to hide what she was up to. An old newspaper laid on the table, so she reached for it and flipped it open, pretending to read as she zoomed back in on the conversation happening behind her.

“Hard to say. I think we can’t do harm, that’s what I keep telling myself. We’re not doing anything wrong or making things worse.” It was the man speaking this time, and Astoria was practically at the edge of her seat, listening. What were they doing at Hogwarts? And what were they doing that they claimed wouldn’t be making things worse. The pub was rowdy and loud that night, they weren’t being careful keeping their conversation quiet, but that was the reason why she could listen in.

The female, Vi, was the next to speak. “I guess. I just wish we could do more, you know? Help those kids somehow. Tell them what’s actually going on.” So whatever this group of people was at Hogwarts for, it was for the students. It had to have something to do with the werewolves and the attacks, right? Thinking about it, Astoria’s hand fell to her forearm. It was hidden underneath her sweater, but the bandages were itching still, the wounds were taking their sweet time healing. She could barely even look at them, it was a reminder that what she was fighting for might not be worth her energy and passion. The werewolf that attacked in the forest had been raving on about her and Lennox believing themselves to be above other, but in her case, at least, that wasn’t the case. It really wasn’t the case at all.

“I heard Henry talk about that, but Lysander shut him down pretty hard…” Knox started, but was soon interrupted by Vi.

“Lysander will never let innocent children get involved. He cares too much.”

“And Lowell doesn’t care are all…”

Astoria almost turned around then, hearing the Ministers name, but at that moment, a man came flying onto the table she was sitting at, having her spill her glass of butterbeer down the front of her blouse. The man grunted in pain as Astoria jumped up from her seat, barely seeing a second man jump onto the man on the table to continue fighting with him. A bar fight, perfect. Turning around to look at the table where Vi and Knox were sitting, she found it empty. The pair of them had disappeared once the fight broke out, Tori couldn’t see them anywhere in the pub. An older lady came over to with a napkin, offering it to her, and she smiled as she accepted it, her gaze still wandering over the pub to see if she could find the two strangers. They were nowhere to be seen.

Getting herself fixed up, she decided to put on her coat and walk back to the castle. Her mind was buzzing with information, but in her slightly drunken state, she struggled putting the information into context. The dungeons had been closed for a while now, and they had never been told for what reason. Perhaps because this Lysander person was there, with some of his friends, or co-workers, were there. Vi, Knox, and this Henry person. Those were the names she had heard mentioned. Then there was the Minister for Magic, Lowell. According to Knox, he didn’t care about the students at Hogwarts, while Lysander did. But where had Astoria heard that name before, Lysander?

Stumbling slightly over her feet as she walked up the cobbled road towards Hogwarts, barely noticing where she was walking. The first thing she would do when she came back to her dorm was to write down everything she had overheard, the next step would be to tell someone she trusted about what she had heard. But who could she trust with this information at Hogwarts?

#self para #p: displaced passions #displaced passions #things about things #I haven't written in so long but I hope it's alright :D

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thisguyfred-blog1 · 7 years

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COLLAPSE | A SELF PARA.

The rain was coming down hard. Puddles splashed underneath Amelia’s boots as she walked, soaking the cuffs of her pants. She wasn’t dressed for this weather. Riley was supposed to take her home. They’d gotten into a fight. Their worst one yet, she’d wager, and they’d had some pretty bad ones. Especially lately. Though... could they be considered fights if they were one-sided?

The New Years party they’d gone to. The first bite of chocolate cake resting on the tip of her fork. She remembered how she paused halfway to her mouth when he spoke up from across the table. “Do you really think you should eat that?” Confusion must have been evident on her face because he had shrugged then, looking back down at his own slice of cake -- his second slice -- and gave a harsh explanation. “Looks like you’ve gained enough holiday weight already.” He said it like it was a bad thing. Like she should be ashamed for eating. She remembered feeling defensive, but she lowered the fork anyway.

And earlier that day -- she’d spent two hours in front of her bedroom mirror, testing eyeshadow blends and lipstick combinations. It had taken her fifteen minutes to perfect her eyeliner, but she’d been proud of it. She’d been eager for him to see how pretty she looked when she opened the door, jacket over her arm, ready to go. “You’re going to go out like that?” The tone of her voice was enough to cause her smile to fall. “No, I don’t think so. It’s too much. You look like a whore. Take it off.” She remembered that she had wanted to tell him how hard she worked on it. She had wanted to tell him that she liked how it looked and that he’d hurt her feelings. She had wanted to tell him that he wasn’t the boss of her. She had retreated to the bathroom instead, wiping every last bit of artificial color from her face.

Someone brushed her arm and she jumped, following a sharp intake of breath. She thought it was Riley. She thought he was coming after her, angry that she’d stormed out. But it was only someone in a raincoat, hurrying down the sidewalk and into their apartment. Her shoulders relaxed, but she picked up her pace. He’d never hit her. Not once. But Amelia had moments where she was afraid of him -- petrified. His anger could go from 0 to 100 in seconds, and she could never be sure what he might do.

The time they’d been kissing on the couch. He’d tried to go further than she’d wanted to. She asked him to stop, and he had. For a minute. Then his hands started to wander again. He started to unbutton her shirt. Her throat began to close with panic when she realized how alone they were. No one else was home. Her phone was in the next room. He was stronger than her. She couldn’t make him stop. She’d been on the verge of tears when she’d wiggled out of his grasp, ready to run into the bathroom and lock herself inside. But she didn’t have to. When he saw her standing there, eyes wide, arms wrapped around herself, his face had softened. “I’m sorry,” he’d said, holding his hands out in front of him as he stood up. “I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry.” He’d took another step closer and against her better judgement, she let him pull her into a hug. She let herself accept his apology.

Was that the moment things had started to go downhill? That was early on in their relationship. Had she allowed him to believe that he could cross any boundaries that he wanted to and she was too in love, too desperate, too pathetic to go anywhere? Maybe she was. Maybe she still was. Every step further she got away from his house, the urge to turn and run back to him grew stronger. She had to. He was the only one that would deal with her.

That was what he’d said. “You think you’ll find someone else who will put up with you? God, Amelia, you’re the clingiest person I’ve ever met. Half the time I feel like I’m only dating you out of pity.”

Pity. What a sickening word. That must have been why he’d never broken up with her before. Even when he watched her dance recital videos and told her that he’d seen better. Even when she caught him flirting with the girl in the mall and he said it wasn’t his fault that she was more interesting than her. Even when she called him at two in the morning because she had a nightmare and he blessed her out for waking him up. Even when they were at parties and she passed up on drinks and he called her a buzzkill. Even when she irritated him enough to make him scream. Even when she was too nerdy, too obnoxious, too innocent. He pitied her. She loved him.

Another step, another puddle. She was getting closer to her front door. His voice was just as loud as ever.

“You need me. I could find another girl in a day. You leave me, you’ll die alone. Do you think another boy is going to want to be seen with you? Do you think another boy is going to date you for as long as I have without demanding sex? Do you think another boy is going to put up with your back to back text messages and your obsessiveness and your dumb jokes and your constant need to look perfect?”

She didn’t realize she was home yet. She was slow to unlock the door, slow to turn the knob. Even slower to step inside. Fred was around the corner in a heartbeat.

“You’re late.” The words had barely fallen from his mouth before he got a good look at his rain-soaked daughter and forgot that she was supposed to be home for curfew an hour ago, that her hair and her clothes were making miniature puddles on the floor, that she hadn’t answered her phone all night, that her mother had no idea where she was, that she had both of her parents worried sick, that she’d left without telling him. “Are you okay?”

“I should just cut my losses right now,” Riley had said. That was when his voice had grown cold. That was when she’d felt her heart shatter into a million pieces. That was when he’d given up on her. That was when she’d turned to leave. “You’ve never been enough. I can’t believe I wasted two fucking years on you.”

She was supposed to say yes. She was supposed to answer her father’s question with nod. Even ‘no’ or a shrug would have been better. Anything would have been better. She barely took three steps towards him before “daddy” was all that came out and she burst into tears, every sob that she’d held back that night and every night for a year and a half finding their way to the surface at once.

His arms were around her within seconds. She felt weak for crying, weak for being so upset over one person, weak for admitting that she wasn’t okay, not even a little, but Amelia couldn’t help it. She’d been struggling for awhile now. She knew it. Everyone knew it. Her grades had been slipping, she’d been having trouble sleeping. She used to burst at the seams with confidence but her insecurities were eating her alive. No matter how strong a person was, they could only carry so much weight before eventually, they just collapsed. She felt safe in her dad’s arms, she always had, safer than she did in Riley’s. She felt like she was a child again, crying over a boo-boo she’d gotten from being too brave on her bike. He’d hug her and whip out one of his superhero band-aids and he’d fix it right up. But there was little he could do to fix this.

“It’s okay, Mi,” he promised, his hand moving in soothing circles on her back. “It’s gonna be okay.”

But for the first time in her life, she realized, she couldn’t bring herself to believe him.

#i wanted to write angsty things #and i figured remus could use a break #so here we are #have a flashback #next gen.#next gen: amelia correy.#next gen self para.

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scriptfeature · 7 years

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ScriptX Family Weekly Update

Hey y’all, and welcome back to the weekly update. The fam has had a lot of excellent posts this week, so you should definitely take a look at those especially. Anyways, on to announcements.

Announcements

@scriptsocialwork is still looking for a mod to help with adoption and the foster system. Please contact her via message if you are interested.

Featured Posts

Beauty and the Alien

“Beauty and the Beast” an old tale of love, romance, forgiveness, Stockholm Syndrome, but that’s been redone enough times. So instead, what if we took a prisoner, put him on a spaceship, and had an alien try to induce Stockholm Syndrome. Yeah, not exactly a light and happy story idea, but then again the best books have the not so happy scenarios. (@scriptshrink )

Sheltered Life

Your character has finally started the animal shelter of their dreams. Now what? Every job has its quirks, so what problems might a shelter owner encounter? @scriptveterinarian has a couple prompts to think about when the dogs are let out.

I’m Gonna Steal the Moon

So what would have happened if Gru had actually stolen the moon? Well, grab your surfboards and head to the pawn shop, ‘cause you aren’t using that anymore dude. You may want to use that money to pay for 10% of a plane ticket out of Hawaii cause according to @scriptastronomer , those volcanoes may no longer be your friend.

Low Battery

Your character has to monitor her energy closely. However, she wants to go to the amusement park tomorrow with her friends. How might she make sure she doesn’t overextend her energy? @scriptspoonie has some ideas that may help you when you’re writing.

Captain Punisher: The Nerdy Soldier

Soldiers, the buffest of boiz, the toughest of titans, and… the coolest of comic readers? Yep. Turns out, soldiers do enjoy their comics, their videogames, their tabletops, all that good stuff. An excellent example of this is the common use of the Punisher skull on their gear. But why do they like the Punisher? @scriptsoldier has a few ideas that may help your writing.

Shady Greens

Karen works in a coffee shop. It’s a great job, paying pretty well even though most days are pretty slow. It’s just, something keeps bugging her. Sometimes she gets a look at the books and what she’s seeing doesn’t line up with what she’s selling. Maybe something shadier is going on that has nothing to do with the storefront. What do you think, @@scriptaccountant ?

Throw A Shrimp on The Barbie

Except don’t. @scriptaussie has taken plenty of time to show those of us who don’t live down under, so, please. Just, no. They don’t say that. Don’t use it.

Super School

The voices. They just keep talking. Saying random pointless things that you can’t focus anymore. Will they just stop? At least if that one guy could stop thinking that one girl and what- and I’m gonna stop there. Simply said, being a telepath in school would suck, but would it cause enough problems to warrant special accommodation? @scripteducator gives some insights into what qualifies for special ed and how it is implemented.

Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes

Dancing is an art, but it’s also physically demanding. After a long session, a dancer is going to have some sore spots. So what should a writer keep in mind when their character gets home from practice? @scriptballerina has this covered.

One Hand Band

Gettin’ down and dirty might not be as easy as it used to be when you’ve lost part of a limb. When you’re writing your fun scenes, you may need to consider some new challenges your characters will likely face such as asymmetric touching. @scriptkink helped this asker with a soldier who’s heading into the bedroom for the first time in a while.

Cold-Blooded Community

Reptiles are strange. Like plants, they have unusual reactions to heat and humidity. What would a world filled with humanoid reptiles need to have to survive? @script-a-world has a good answer ready for you to read.

Bright Life

No longer shall fireflies be the only thing in the sky that glows, for behold, the great glow birb, flying high in the night sky shall forever reign as the most magnificent light of the avian kingdom. But hold on, why are the birb frens glowing all of a sudden? Is that even possible? Well, @scriptgenetics says it could work, so might as well give it a shot

Disclaimer: this blog nor any blogs associated with this blog encourage the making glow birbs outside of your fictional writings. Ethics and all that.

Spirited Practice

You may recall a featured post a few weeks ago from @scriptwitchcraft about banishing spirits. Mod T has taken some time and made a kind of prequel post covering the basics of what spirit work is and how your character would perform some of the basic rituals of spirit work. Hopefully, this will be a good starting point for some of your writing.

Quotes

“Apparently it's very disturbing to have your eyelids literally pried open.”

-The Librarian ( @scriptlibrarian )

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#text post #18th #January #2017 #January 18th 2017 #scriptX family #weekly update

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cassidy-bolton · 5 years

Text

Untitled Part IV || Self Para

C H A R A C T E R S: Featuring: Jack Bolton, Evelyn Bolton, Alma Lucía, Aidan Bolton, Devin Bolton, Patrick Bolton, Lily Bolton Mentions: Daniel Bolton, Cassandra Wilson

T I M E L I N E: Current

N O T E S: At the hospital

Day One – No Progress

“Cassidy what happened? Why didn’t you come to me if you needed help?” Evelyn gently squeezed his arm as she gazed down at her son. “I am going to take care of you. I just need you to wake up son. Please just wake up.” She stood there for a few minutes, hoping her words may penetrate the comatose state her son was in, but like hours ago no sign. Eventually she returned to the seat and started to watch the TV to keep herself preoccupied.

_______________________________

Day Two – No Progress

Daniel brought the children in to visit their father. Evelyn left the room for Devin to visit with her father first. “Hey dad,” she said softly. “Not a lot going on, well besides everyone worried about you. Mom came the night you got here. I think she was worried, but it is hard to tell with her. Cass also came and she stayed, she is out there now. I think she is still wearing the same thing from the other night. Not sure if she has even left.” A few tears escaped her eyes as she continued. Ugh Lily is still being a pain and I think Uncle Dan is freaking out. You know how he can get. Pat is holding everything in like always. He took charge though when I couldn’t. When I saw you lying there I freaked out. I froze, I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened. I’m so sorry; I should have known what to do.” She wrapped her arms around herself. Grandma is talking about us living with Uncle Dan when you wake up dad. But I don’t want to. I want to live with you. Don’t let them take us away, please dad. Just please wake up. I love you dad.”

Patrick came in after Devin finished her time with their father. Hugging her brother, she wiped the tears away as she headed out into the waiting room. For several minutes, Patrick said nothing as he stared at his father as anger surged through his body. Finally, the usually quiet child spoke up. “You are so selfish!” The thirteen year old smacked his lips, “you have Aidan and Uncle Dan blaming themselves, grandma is a wreck trying to keep everything together. Dev is crying herself asleep every night and Lil doesn’t even know what is going on.” He slowly inhaled through his nostrils, “I want to hate you for everything you are doing to all of us, but I can’t. You’re my dad whether I want it or not. I love you even though I wish I didn’t.” Patrick tried to get out more, but all he wanted to do was yell at his father. Grill him for everything he has done and how all of them deserved more, but he figured it would do him no good. All those words would fall on deaf ears.

Once Patrick came out, Lily was escorted back with Uncle Dan. With the help of Uncle Dan, she got onto the side of the bed with her dad. “Why hasn’t he wakened up yet?” She asked as she placed her hands on her father’s face. “Dad, daddy, it is time to wake up now.” Lily started to gently poke him in hopes it would wake her father up. Leaning in towards him, she softly kissed him on the lips and with no luck of him waking up, she finally hopped down and joined her siblings out in the waiting room.

_______________________________

Day Three – No Progress

_______________________________

Day Four – No Progress

At Aidan’s request, Alma brought her son to the hospital for him to see his father. The sixteen year old walked down the hallway as Alma took a seat in the waiting room. Seeing his grandma in there, he knocked as he entered and smiled towards Evelyn. “Hi grandma,” he greeted the woman.

Evelyn looked over at her son and got up from her seat to hug the young man. “Aidan, I am glad you are visiting. I know your father is happy too.” She softly said as she turned towards Cassidy.

“Do you mind if I talk to him alone for a few minutes?”

She shook her head, “of course not hon. I’ll be out in the waiting room.” With that said she softly kissed her grandson and headed out to leave the two alone.

Aidan looked over his father quietly, debating whether this was a good idea or not. Sucking in a breath of air, he started. “What were you thinking dad?” He shook his head, “When Patrick called, I thought I lost you and the last thing between us was a fight” Aidan sighed heavily. “I am not even sure you can hear me right now, but I didn’t mean all the stuff I said. I know you tried and I’m sorry. I love you dad.”

_______________________________

Day Five – No Progress

_______________________________

Day Six – No Progress

Things were looking grim after six days and Cassidy still remaining unresponsive. From the moment she received the phone call about her son and was granted access to his room, she has yet to leave his side. Of course the woman insisted on everyone else leaving to go home, shower, eat and get some rest. “Cassidy, please darling wake up. I need you. All of us need you.” She whispered as she gently squeezed his lifeless hand. With no response from Cassidy, she leaned back into her chair and closed her eyes.

Nearly two hours passed and Alma walked into the room, “Evie, you need to go home and get some rest. You are not doing anyone any good not taking care of yourself. Please, I will stay with Cassidy until you get back.”

The woman looked at the other woman completely stunned by her words and shook her head adamantly. “You listen here Alma, I am not going anywhere. I am not leaving my son. He is going to wake up and I need to be here for him when he does.”

Alma inhaled deeply, but yielded to the other woman knowing there was no way she would be able to change her mind. “Okay Evie, but let me know if you need anything. I’ll bring Aidan by at the end of the week. He misses his father. I love you Evie.”

_______________________________

Day Seven – No Progress

_______________________________

Day Eight – No Progress

Although the man had been there every day, Jack has yet to visit Cassidy’s room. Many things weighed on the patriarchy of the family when it came to his middle child. Unable to avoid it for any longer he stepped inside and saw his son connected to a ventilator and looked over towards his wife with saddened eyes.

“Evie, may I have a moment with my son please?”

A concerned expression spread across her features as her eyes peered up towards the man. “Jack,” she softly whispered. “Of course, I will go downstairs and get something to eat. Just be easy on him Jack and yourself.,” she said as tears started to form. Evelyn pushed herself out of the chair and walked over towards her husband. “I love you,” she murmured giving him a squeeze. “Cas,” she said turning towards her son. “I promise I will be right back son.”

After a few more exchanged words between the marriage couple, Evelyn left the room after giving her husband a kiss. Jack then took her seat and looked over at his son, then out of nowhere he hunched over as he started to cry into his hands. It took several moments before he managed to choke down his sobs. Standing up, he inched closer to the bedside as he stared down at Cassidy. “I’m sorry I did not come earlier, I’m not as strong as your mother.” The man swallowed the lump in his throat. “I—I just...it just kills me seeing you like this and there is nothing I can do. I feel helpless and completely lost. You’re my son. It is not supposed to be like this, I’m not supposed to be by your bed hoping for the best. It isn’t natural.” He sighed heavily, lost in his thoughts and just saying whatever came to his mind. Son, I should have done better by you. I should have taken an interested in your hobbies. I should have been there more.” Jack took in a breath of air taking a moment to see the somber face of his son. “You were this super smart nerdy kid, I—I just did not know what to do with you. You were always so smart and made sure to let everyone know it,” he lightly chuckled to push down the sob. “Cassidy you had so much light and somewhere down the line it started to flicker and then it kept getting dimmer and dimmer. I should have known something was wrong. A father should know. I let you down and I am sorry Cas. I need you to wake up. You need to know I love you.” Jack ran his hands through Cassidy’s curls. “Come back to us son.”

Twenty minutes passed and Evelyn walked in through the door and looked over at Jack, completely exhausted, but seeing the pain he clearly was trying to suppress. “Jack, you go home. I got this. Check in on the kids and grandkids. Okay hon.”

The man sighed heavily as he drew his wife into a hug. “Are you going to be alright Evie?”

Evelyn nodded, “I’ll be fine, I promise. Just go take care of our other babies. I got this one.”

_______________________________

Day Nine

The routine set in for Evelyn being the ninth day at the hospital, though no progress was starting to sink in as she looked at her son who has barely made any movements since he was brought in. Yet, she forced herself to remain positive and started reading aloud from The Count of Monte Cristo, a book she had Jack bring, one of Cassidy’s favorite literary pieces when he was younger. As she read through the pages, the clock was passed four when suddenly Cassidy stirred from his slumber.

The man sat up and started panicking as his blue eyes widened. Reaching for his throat, it felt at first if something was choking him as he kept looking around in complete confusion to where he was at. Suddenly the heart monitor was going crazy as he kept trying to move around in the bed to gain his bearings.

“Cassidy, Cassidy calm down.” Evelyn quickly made her way towards her son and gently set her hand on her son to help calm him. “Cassidy, it is me your mom. Everything is okay. Calm down. Please calm down.”

Hearing his mother’s soothing voice, he started to calm down and ease back down in his bed. Although he tried to say something, the tubes restricted everything.

“The doctor is going to come.” She told him, hoping he would remain still. “Just stay relaxed darling, try not to talk.”

Cassidy was trying to piece everything together as his eyes searched the room. His whole body was trembling as panic started to creep back in. Looking towards his hand, he could see the needle in his hand and all the machines and everything next to him. Returning his focus back to his mom, he tried to mouth kids but she was unable to tell what he was trying to say. He then tried gesturing until finally she grabbed a piece of paper and pen. As he tried to scribble the one word, he felt exhausted.

“The three are at your brothers and they are fine. Aidan is with his mother. Everyone has been visiting.”

He nodded towards his mother and before he could try to gather more information, the door opened and a doctor walked in to check on his prognosis. “You are awake Mr. Bolton. Evelyn, may I please speak with your son in private.”

Evelyn looked over towards Cassidy and nodded before she walked out of the room to allow the doctor to visit with her son. She walked back to the waiting room to see a few people there.

“He,”

she started as tears of joy started to come down.

“He’s awake. The doctor is with him right now.”

#self para #untitled #part iv

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gwapakasexyko-blog · 7 years

Text

The Nerdy’s Lovelife

PART THREE

"Good morning!" Bati ko sa babaeng kakapasok ng library.

Pero sa halip na tugunan ako ng good morning too. Inisnob lamang ako ng babae. Nagdiri-diritso ito sa mga book shelves. Napailing na lamang ako.

Haist. Mga mayayaman talaga. Walang modo.

Nagpatuloy ako sa pagbabasa. Isang grupo ng estudyanti ang pumasok, mga tatlong nerdy look na lalaki tulad ko ang lumapit sa akin.

"Pakihanap naman ng mga librong 'to. Ok lang ba? Babalikan na lang namin after lunch." Request ng pinakanerdy sa kanila.

"We gonna treat you for something kapalit ng request namin. Pasensya ka na may pupuntahan pa kasi kami--' sagot naman nung isang nerdy.

Napatango na lang ako pero wala na sa kanila ang buong atensyon ko. Someone entered the sliding door in a slow motion. It is the person who made my world spin slowly, si Ethan. Diri-diritso ito sa mga book shelves. Halos itaas ko ng ang leeg ko na parang geraffe sa kakasunod ng tingin dito. The three nerdy was in front of me.

Ive got the list of books na gusto nilang ipahanap. Nagpaalam ang mga ito. We settle the time, theyre gonna pick up the books saka sila lumabas.

Isa isa kong hinanap sa catalog ang mga libro. Theyre all related to Literature.

Hmm. They have a taste.

Medyo malaki ang library. Yung mga librong hinahanap ng mga estudyanti kanina ay mukhang mga old versions dahil sa author nito.

Dahil wala naman masyadong pumapasok sa library sa oras ding ito kaya napagdesisyonan kong simulang hanapin ang mga libro ng tatlong nerdy. I smiled.

Oo na. Nerdy din ako. Bookworm eh.

I was humming while looking for the books. I love this work. Maybe because I love books so much. Kaya pati ang pagiging librarian kinakarer ko na rin. I don’t find it boring, gusto ko nga ring maging isang book doctor eh. Me and my wildest imagination.

I realized na nasa medyo sulok ng library nakalagay ang naturang mga libro.

Aissssh!

I realized how stupid I am dahil nakalimutan kong magdala ng pushing cart. Medyo marami rami rin at mabibigat ang mga librong ito. Napag desisyonan kong bumalik sa counter. I was about to step back when I heard a voice.

"Hmmmm..."

Napalunok ako. Rumors said na may multong gumagala sa library. But I’ve never seen any for the past 2 years. Napahawak ako sa puso habang dahan dahang naglakad. Ingat na ingat ako para hindi makagawa ng tunog ang akong mga paa. I was trying to locate the voices.

"Uhmm uhmm ahh!"

Natampal ko ang mukha ko. Totoo talaga kasing may naririnig akong umuungol. Eto na yata yung sinasabi nilang multo.

Oh my gosh.

Napa cross fingers tuloy ako. Habang patuloy sa paglalakad,biglang yumanig ang isang bahagi ng book shelves. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko sa nerbiyos. At wala sa loob na sinilip ko ang nasa likod niyon.

"Ohh uhm. Uh uh."

Agad kong naitakip ang kaliwang kamay sa aking bibig. I was shocked of what I saw. Hindi kasi iyon multo eh kundi porn ang nakita ko.

Napa sign of the cross ako. Daig pa ng makakita ng multo. Yung babae, yun yong pumasok ng hindi man ako binati at ang lalaki naman, walang iba kundi si---

"E-ethan" walang boses na lumabas mula sa pagkakabigkas ko sa pangalan nito dahil na rin siguro sa gulat.

Nakabukas ang polo ng uniform ng babae, hindi nito halos nahubad nang tuluyan ang kanilang mga suot. Nakapalda ang babae at intinaas lamang ito ni Ethan hanggag beywang. The guy as well is not totally naked. Bukas lng din ang polo nito, and I guess pati zipper ng slocks nito ganun din. Isang ungol lang naman ang nag iingay at yun ay galing sa babae.

Hindi ko halos makita ang mukha ng babae dahil nakatalikod ito sa akin. Base sa suot nito, ito talaga yung babaeng unang pumasok ng libary kanina. Ang posisyon lang ni Ethan ang nakaharap sa akin habang akay akay nito ang kapartner sa ewan at kung anong posisyon.

I dont know if nakalikha ba ako ng tunog o ingay kasi biglang napabaling ang tingin ni Ethan sa akin. I felt more nervous coz he stare at me with full blast of lust in his eyes. Ni hindi ito tumigil sa ginagawa bagkus titig na titig ito sa akin habang ginagawa ang kalaswaan.

Napa sign of the crus ulit ako, at ako na mismo ang ngbawi ng tingin saka umalis sa kinatatayuan ko.

In Jesus Name.

Ilang beses kong nasabi iyon sa isip habang hawak hawal ang dibdib. What was that? I just saw a live porn dito mismo sa lirary.

This libary is not an old fashion kaya meron talagang naka install na mga camera dito but then those two really knows the best spot since sa may nasirang camera pa sila pumwesto. Wew.. Dumiresto ako sa private kitchen saka ilang beses nagsahod ng iinuming tubig. Ilang beses ko ring binuhos ang sinahod na tubig sa labado. Para lang sira ulo, dahil sa nasaksihan kaya natutuliro ako. Ilang minuto rin akong nakatanga sa ganoong posisyon. Paminsan napapailing lamang ako. Hindi naman ako umiinom ng kape eh, pero grabi ang naramdaman kong nerbiyos.

I don’t watch porn and I’ve never seen one kaya --

My virgin eyes!!

Naasar ako. Sa lahat ng lugar bakit nga ba kasi sa library? Kung isumbong ko kaya ang dalawa sa admin? Sinamsampal ko ng ilang beses ang aking mukha, gustuhin ko mang magsumbong hindi pwede. For sure papanidigan pa rin nila ang mayayaman.

"Valeria? Are you ok there?"

Andito na pala si Prof. Lilibeth. Napansin siguro nito ang pagkatuliro ko. Napatango na lamang ako rito.

"May naghahanap sayo sa counter." Habol nitong sabi.

Isang batok sa sarili ang ginawa ko. Oo nga pala at nakalimutan ko na ang mga librong dapat sanay ihahanda ko kanina.

Aishh ! Nang dahil sa kalandian ng dalawang yun kaya nasisira ang konsentrasyon ko.

Sa lahat ba naman ng lugar, sa library pa. Bat di na lang kayo nag hotel.

Lumabas na ako ng kitchen saka nagtuloy sa counter. To my surprise, I saw Ethan standing in the front of the counter talking to Prof. Lilibeth.

"Oh, Ethan asks me to let you have a break. -'

Laglag ang panga kong napatitig sa lalaki?

Napalunok ako ng biglang mag flashback ang lahat ng eksenang nakita ko kani kanina lang.

"Ahh-eh---' nauutal ako dahil sa pg flashback ng mga pangyayari kani kanila lang.

Hindi ko maiwasang tingnan ito mula ulo hanggang paa. Nakita ko nakataas ang kilay nitong nakatingin sa akin.

"Ethan, you can take her now." Sabi ni Prof.

"Oh yeah thanks. I'll take her back right away."

Na confuse naman ako ng bigla akong hatakin ng lalaki palabas ng library. Napalingon ako kay Prof. Lilibeth na noon ay halos abot tenga ang ngiti. Ok, alam ko kung ano iniisip nito pero she is thinking wrong. So wrong na kinakabahan ako sa pag uusapan namin ng malanding lalaking to.

Halos mabunot ang braso ko dahil sa lakas ng pagkakahila nito. Since hindi naman dinarayo ang library kaya wala din masyadong tao labas nito. Most students were having lunch at this hour.

"San mo ba ako dadalhin? We can just talk outside the library. Owch!"

Nagreklamo nako. Mabilis itong maglakad at maliit lang ang mga hakbang ko. Napalingon ako sa paligid dahil, nakaabot kami sa isang sulok ng school kung saan may isang bakanting kwarto. Halatang hindi gimagamit maliban sa ginawang tambakan ng mga sirang gamit sa skwela.

Ethan finally pushes me on the wall and pin me there.

"A-anong ginagawa mo?" I asked him. Hawak hawak ako nito sa magkabilang braso. His face is so near mine.

"We both know what I damn want. You saw us earlier huh?" Nakangiting aso ito.

"W-wala akong nakita." Agad agad kong sagot dito.

My answer make him laugh. Nababaliw na ba ito at bigla bigla na lang tumatawa. Binitiwan ako nito at bigla naging maamo ang mukha.

Now he is smilling sweetly to me. Napalunok ako ng bigla itong napatingin sa akin, not in my eyes but I think hes looking at my breast.

Jusko! I know it! Maniac talaga siya. Patay na ako nito. Rape! Rape! Rape!

"So, your Ms. Valeria Buenavista, 3rd year BS Math."

Uh-oh false alarm. Sa nameplate ko pala ito nakatingin. Haist tenkyo Lord, im saved!

Nakahinga ako ng malalim. Napatango lang ako dito bilang tugon sa kanyang tanong.

Nagulat ako ng bigla ako nitong yakapin. Uh hindi pala yakap, nilapit lan nito bibig sa tenga ko.

"Babe, what you see and what you hear in the library just leave it there. Or else ---"pabulong nitong sabi.

Nenerbiyos ako, hindi dahil sa takot kundi dahil sa lapit nito sa akin. I can even feel his hot breathing on my earlobe. Tsaka ang bango nito, nakakaadik.

"--else youre dead! Do you understand?"

Hindi ako natakot. I just want him away from me. Ang lapit lapit nito baka lalo akong magka crush sa ginagawa niya. Napatango na lamang ako.

"As Ive said wala akong nakita." Mariin kong sagot ko dito.

"Good! If this will come out, I will get back at you, wherever you are I will find you."

Aisssh. Para namang matatakot ako sa mga pinagsasabi nito. Wala naman talaga akong planong ipahamak ang sarili ko. Isang pobreng estudyanti lang ako at alam kong konting pagkakamali ko lang wasak na ang kinabukasan ko. Inirapan ko lang ito habang nagsasalita. Tsk.

"Oo na. Wag ka ng paulit ulit dyan. Madami pa akong gagawin, kaya babalik na ako sa library." Tinulak ko ito sa dibdib. Isang ngiting aso ulit ang sumilay sa mukha nito habang iiling iling na napapatingin sa kin.

Spoiled brat na mayaman, kahit kailan walag ibang alam kundi mang manakot ng kapwa estudyanti.

Naglakad na ako pabalik. Nilingon ko muna ito sandali, I saw him now leaning his back in the old rusty rooms door. Nakahithit na ito ng sigarilyo.

No smoking area ang skwelahan nyo boss! Kayo kayo ring lang ang mismong lumalabag sa rules. Naman talaga oh!!

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