#I remember going for a cozy aesthetic like that when I was hospitalized as well haha

[cerise-on-top]

EEEE BACK AGAIN CUZ YOUR WRITING IS YUMMYYY

Valeria, Graves, König, and Soap (separately) who has a s/o who's into poetry?

like maybe they're a poet or a librarian or something.

bonus points for a silly little cozy aesthetic dressed s/o :33

MANY HUGSSSS

-☁️

(CLOUD ANON)

Hello again! Welcome back! I'm glad my silly writings are enjoyable to people! I wrote it so Reader is a librarian and writes poetry both, in most of these! I think I forgot for Soap! I hope these are good enough! Thank you very much for the request! ^^

Soap, Valeria, Graves, König with an S/O who likes Poetry

Soap: While he may have read some poetry throughout his life, but only because he was forced to at school, he doesn’t care for literature like that in the slightest. Sure, he can understand some metaphors and some messages a piece of writing might try to convey, but he won’t go out of his way to buy himself an anthology of William Blake. He doesn’t have the time to read, and he doesn’t really want to either, he’d much rather go outside and take a hike. However, once you come up to him with one of your poems in hand, he’s more than happy to sit down and read through it. The way the language flows, the way the words intertwine with each other and form something unmistakably beautiful, it has him in a chokehold after a while. He’ll always cheer you on, quietly, while writing and read everything that you put on paper. While he might not be the best at giving criticism, he can use his words to reassure you that your writing is, indeed, the bomb. If you ever release your works then you can be certain he’ll be the first to buy a copy of the book, maybe even several because he loves and supports you that much. He loves the cozy aesthetic you have. Beige cardigans with either matching trousers or skirts. If you’re roughly the same size then let him borrow one of your cardigans, he wants to feel for himself how warm and cozy they are. It’s not usually his style, but trying them on won’t kill him. He actually also kind of likes it when you send him pictures of you drinking tea or coffee with a book on the table. It’s, as mentioned, very cozy, very comforting. You’re living your best life, you’re happy and thriving, and that’s all that matters to him.

Valeria: Unlike Soap, she has picked up books after school. The only poem she has read after school was the Divine Comedy by Alighieri since it sounded interesting to her at the time. She never finished it, though, having become far too busy with the military and, afterwards, the cartel. She doesn’t particularly miss reading either, though. Maybe sometimes, when she just wants to have a nice and quiet day, she might pick up a book she found just lying around, but that book could contain just about anything. While she might not always have the time to read your poetry, it will likely be sitting on her desk for a few days before she can read it, she will visit you at your library. It’s calm there, it’s quiet, and likely not a place anyone would suspect someone of her caliber to be. While she might not particularly be there for the books, you could read her some poetry every once in a while. Doesn’t have to be at the library either, you could just check out a book and read to her at home. She can appreciate something like that, you spending time with her, reading your favorite poem in a soft, almost mellow, voice. She gets to see you happy, after all, and that’s what she’s usually striving for. Even if that library isn’t doing too well, she’ll always make sure that it’s up and running because you love your job as much as you do. She, too, likes your aesthetic. It’s fairly neutral, it doesn’t stand out too much. While it might be a bit boring to her occasionally, since you likely would look just as lovely in something a bit more flashy, she won’t tell you to dress you any differently. In fact, she might instigate you a bit and egg you on by buying you expensive coffee beans or expensive hand made tea. The most aesthetically pleasing tea pots and cups will be yours, in this case you won’t even need to ask her.

Graves: Graves has not picked up many books after school either. The occasional book on business and history, yes, but nothing that was written lyrically. It never interested him, he had to analyze poems at school and that was the start of his disdain for poetry. He never did well with writing down what a specific metaphor might mean, so he never got any good grades on that. At first, he won’t be very happy to see you’ve brought him a poem, even if it was written by you, but he won’t complain, he’ll read it and give you honest criticism. He’s better with constructive criticism than Soap because he can still see the poem’s flaws while being nice and uplifting about it so you can do better next time. It likely won’t ignite a spark for poetry in him, but he has a soft spot for you, so he’ll read anything you want him to see. On the off-chance he has time to visit you, he will. While he might not be as quiet as Valeria, he tries, but he just really wants to converse with you. He doesn’t get to see you often, so it wouldn’t be too unlikely for him to waltz up to your library in his gear either. He tries not to scare the people, but it doesn’t always work. Tries to convince you to go home early with him so you can pay attention to him instead of burying your nose in some books. It doesn’t work, but hey, an attempt has been made. He really digs that entire cozy aesthetic. You look warm, you look soft, you look like you want and need a good hug from him. He’s a very touchy person in general, but that goes up by 100% since he likes the feeling of your cardigan, it’s made of wonderful fabric. If you’re more of a coffee drinker, like he is, then you can drink some coffee at a lovely cafe together, he knows plenty of nice and calm places. Tea, too, but you’ll be alone in that endeavor since he’s a coffee drinker first and a human second. Send him some cute pics of you, though, he’ll appreciate them after a mission and tell you how good you look.

König: He sort of likes poetry, actually. While he hasn’t read enough to actually have a favorite, he likes the way it sounds when read, either out loud or in your head. While he, by no means, could ever write a poem himself, English or German, he does like to read some every once in a while. He has an anthology at home he never got around to finishing. It’s a calming hobby. However, he finds himself with a favorite poet once you show him your writing. He’s very supportive of you, asking you fairly often about your progress and how you’re doing, answering any and all questions you might have that might bring you some inspiration. Whenever he writes it’s somewhat dry, mostly because he’s used to writing reports these days and nothing else, so seeing your flowery, beautiful language makes him smile a bit. It makes him imagine the scenery very vividly, even if you don’t specify too much of your setting. He, too, will come visit you at work when he can, but he won’t make a ruckus. If he can talk to you, that’s fine, if he can help you sort some books, he’d love to, but if you just want to do your work in quiet, then he’ll grab himself a nice book and sit down quietly until you have time for him again. Might ask you some questions regarding some books, might ask you for some recommendations as well, but he respects your want for quiet. He also really likes your aesthetic, it’s such a contrast to what he’s used to. You don’t look like you’re fighting wars, you look as though you sit down at a park bench during late spring or early autumn to read some books, and he thinks that’s very nice. If you want to, then the two of you can sit together in silence while you’re reading some poetry and he’s reading the Schachnovelle. He’s more than happy to tell you about what he read or listen to you reading some of the poetry out loud as well. It’s nice, it’s calming. It’s so far away from what he normally does at his job, he could fall asleep to the comfort of it all. If you’re reading at home, he might put his head in your lap and just take a nap.

#cod #cod x reader #john soap mactavish #john soap mactavish x reader #soap x reader #valeria garza #valeria garza x reader #phillip graves #phillip graves x reader #könig #konig #könig x reader #konig x reader #I used to write poetry back in high school and I always loved reading it #I remember going for a cozy aesthetic like that when I was hospitalized as well haha #drinking some tea while reading one of my Arsene Lupin books was actually just the best thing ever #I should really start reading some of my books again I have so many classics I never really touched which is a bit sad #I remember getting into poetry because of dmcv due to the character v #I never regretted it and I still think about that one poem from time to time #“I curse my stars in bitter grief and woe” “that made my love so high and me so low” #I have read that entire poem but it's been years since then #I was really into DMC V when it came out like four or five years ago or so haha

[halcyonstorm]

The Girl at the Library Chapter 1

Short Fic - Levihan

Themes: College AU, Library, Fluff, Slow Burn, Falling in Love, Female Hange Zoe, Student!Levi

Word Count: 5730

Chapter: 1/3

Warning: Mild Language

Read on Ao3 - The Girl at the Library

Summary: Levi is a college student who needs help on his research paper. Luckily, Hange is a book worm and works at the library. 

Levi was stressed and annoyed, mainly because he was in college. Of course with college comes infinite amounts of homework assignments, 100-question exams with astronomical amounts of topics on them, unnecessary research papers, and staying in a dorm room with a kid that happens to have no problem inviting his friends over every night to hang out and party with no regards to his sullen roommate.

Levi had a paper coming up. He had to come up with a topic, find sources, and finish his paper by the end of the semester. With three weeks left to go, he decided he’d rather get it over with. He began his brainstorming in the study lounge at the center of his dormitory floor. He was starting to stress. He sat on the big yellow leather couch in the way-too-bright study lounge with his laptop in his lap. He tapped his pen against his head as he tried to think of an idea. 

“You have to write about a topic related to your major,” The professor explained. “This is the one and only paper you will have assigned this semester. I suggest you get it done as early as possible.”

If only it were that easy. He had the rubric pulled up in one tab, and a ton of “How to pick a research topic” websites in others. His major was pharmaceuticals, a field he was inspired to take on because of his mother. She was very ill when he was very young, so they were in and out of hospitals. He was sitting on the edge of his mother’s hospital bed when a nurse came in the room to administer her medications. 

“This is…” His memory was blurry. “This medication will help… and make you feel better.” And it did. 9 year old Levi was fascinated. This one little pill or bag of what looked like water helped his mother feel better. Within hours, his mother’s skin went from pallor to beige. Her hands were warmer. She looked more awake, more alive. She didn’t wince at Levi’s touch. She was in less pain. She got better, like the nurse predicted.

Since then, Levi always asked questions whenever they visited the hospitals again and again. “What kind of drug is that?” “What does it do?” “How long does it take to take effect?”

Levi recalled the memory with a deep sigh. He missed his mother. She was at home, not too far away. Levi never had the time to travel the hour through the big city to visit her. When he did have free time, he spent it studying or sleeping. He felt his heart twinge at this. She had sacrificed everything to help him attend college and to give him a good life.

Now with his head cloudy, he went to reach his water bottle in his backpack. He opened the lid and took a sip. At that moment, he could hear some obnoxiously loud students throwing tennis balls back and forth to each other. He recognized these kids too, they were some (of many) of the lovely visitors his roommate had over most nights. Suddenly in the blink of an eye, Levi’s water bottle spilled all over his laptop, a tennis ball on the floor next to him, and some worried voices approaching him. Within seconds, the laptop started to steam and the screen went black.

His laptop was fried, he determined. He felt heat start to rise inside of him. 

“Oh my god, man. I am so sorry,” One of the kids said, trying to hold back a laugh. 

“Yeah, man. We didn’t mean to.”

Levi took a deep breath and stood up. These kids… were gonna pay.

He closed his broken laptop and stood up. These kids were much taller than him, but looked to be easily intimidated by Levi’s presence. 

“Do you have the money to pay for this?” He sneered, getting very close to their faces. 

“Eh… no, but we have jobs! We can pay you back over time,” One of the kids trailed off. They seemed to be intimidated by the short man. “You live in 112 right?”

Levi nodded, his face heating up with anger. “This laptop cost me a lot of money.”

“We get it, man! We said we’re sorry,” the other kid explained. “We’ll pay you back or whatever.”

“Tch,” Levi clicked. He was extremely pissed. These kids should not be throwing balls at each other in the hallway. Also, they spilled his water which made a mess. “Which room are you both in?” They responded with 118. The one kid explained they get paid on the 15th and 30th of each month. Luckily, their pay day was 4 days away.

“I’ll stop by Tuesday, the 16th,” Levi decided, before gathering his things and heading to the stairs. He began to walk through the campus. Fuck, now where was he gonna go? How was he gonna find his topics? His computer was fucked. Putting it in rice wouldn’t have helped. He was so occupied having a debate with himself about where to research, he almost missed it. If he looked the other way or even blinked in that moment, he wouldn’t have seen it. It was the campus library. No, not the campus library, but a campus library. It blended into the surroundings, hidden from the passerbyers. There was a sign in the window “We’re Open!”. 

The library was small, to say the least. It was old fashioned, which contrasted the modern aesthetic of the university. It was a small, dark brown, wooden building with four-pane windows. The door was a lighter shade of brown. He decided it was easier to check out this little library instead of walking another 10 minutes to get to the main library. He didn’t have time to waste. He had to get started with his paper right away. He walked up to the door and opened it. When he did, a little bell rang at the doorway. 

“Just a minute!” A woman’s voice called from the back. Levi decided to wander around. There were many books crammed on the shelves. There were two computers on each side when he walked in. They looked out of place, considering they were very modern compared to the architecture of the library itself. The books were all shades of bright, vibrant colors. It was strange. From the outside, it seemed creepy and gloomy. Once he walked in, it was very cozy. The dark walls of the library contrasted the beautiful colors of the books.

Then, he saw the woman come out. She came up to the desk. He expected an elderly lady with her glasses on a chain, but he assumed this woman was a student. She was a young woman who wore thin oval glasses and her brown hair thrown up in a messy half-up-half-down ponytail. 

“Hi!” The woman said. “How can I help you?”

“I want to use a computer, please,” He announced. He glanced at her nametag which hung like a necklace around her neck. “Hange” was the name on the tag. It was strange and unordinary, but it had a nice ring to it. The name seemed to suit her.

“Sure! You are allowed up to two hours a day,” Hange explains. “You can choose whichever computer you’d like.”

The computers were unoccupied. In fact, the entire library seemed vacant except for him and the employee. 

“Does anyone actually come here?” Levi asked, setting his stuff down next to a desk, and looking her way. She looked like someone who would work at a library. 

The brunette chuckled. “You are my third visitor today!” She exclaimed proudly. It was already about 3pm. He remembered the sign in the front says “12pm-6pm weekdays”. 

Levi chuckled silently, air huffed out his nose. “How do you stay in business?”

“Well, the university thinks it’s good to have a small library in the outskirts of the campus so students have access to books and computers because the main campus library is in the center of the plaza. Sometimes we get about ten people a day, and sometimes they don’t even take anything out. Sometimes I wonder how…” She began to ramble now. She definitely has not had anyone else visit her today.

She was starting to get on his nerves. It’s been 20 minutes since he arrived, and she was still talking. He zoned out until she caught his attention.

“Hey,” She said. “What’s your name? I have to track whoever comes in to use the computers.” 

Why? No one else comes in. He noticed her clipboard with the sign-ins was blank.

“Levi Ackerman,” He announced. She scribbled his name down. “Okay, it’s 3:30 now, so you have till 5:30 if needed.” She pointed to the clock with her pen as she explained. He nodded and proceeded to walk towards the table with the computer he claimed. He sat down and began working.

-

He was an hour into his research when he finally threw his hands up in the air in frustration. He still couldn’t think of a topic. He groaned aloud.

Hange was leaning against the main desk, her nose stuck in a book. “How Trees Communicate” was the title. When she heard the young man groan, she looked up. 

“Is everything okay?” She asked, peering over her book at him.

“Yeah, yeah,” He mumbled. “Fine…”

Hange raised an eyebrow. She placed her bookmark at her spot, then strolled around the desk and walked over to him.

“What are you working on?” She asked, sitting in the seat next to him and put her hands on her knees, looking at him curiously. He scoffs. It was none of her business, he thought to himself. And it’s an invasion of privacy.

He was frustrated and desperate. Hoping for a miracle, he managed to tell her anyways.

 “I need a topic for my paper and I can’t think of any…” Levi began. “It needs to be based on pharmaceuticals, my major. It also needs scientific evidence to back up my research…”

She was fully absorbed in what he had to say. She was bored, so helping Levi would’ve been something to do at least. Besides, Levi was in luck. She was an avid reader, always reading about anything and everything. She was studying plants and botanicals, but she found herself frequently taking out books about cooking; religion; war; animals; and medical topics including surgery, pathophysiology, anatomy, and pharmaceuticals.

“What about how diuretics affect blood pressure?” Hange suggested. Levi was taken aback. His eyebrows furrowed, and he shook his head in confusion. “Or if anti-alzheimer drugs actually help slow the progression of Alzheimer’s? Why do you take different medications during certain stages of Alzheimer’s disease? Or how do anti-seizure medications work? That is something I ask myself all the time. You take this little pill and BOOM! You’ll be fine, no seizure! Oh, oh, oh! Or, how certain medications cause certain adverse effects? How come so many medications cause anxiety?” Her eyes started to light up as she talked. They were a dark brown, but when she started to talk, they seemed to morph to a captivating hazel. He felt he could see every color in her eyes. He saw brown and green and the little lines of her iris. Hange’s hands would move as she talked, and her smile grew wide. She couldn’t keep still. She was getting excited by coming up with all these ideas. She seemed so passionate and so willing to help; he was overwhelmed by her.

Levi was in shock. His day started off horrible. Now, he was almost glad his laptop was fucked. This woman was making his mind race with ideas. 

“Are you okay?” Hange asked for the second time within his visit there. Levi nodded slowly. “I am just… How do you know all that? Are you a med student?”

Hange chuckled and waved her hand at him. “No… I am a bookworm! Also, my mom is a nurse, so she used to teach me about nursing stuff all the time. Oh! You could write about the pathophysiology of anticholinergics! Or beta blockers! Or how the body reacts to the use of long-term steroids?”

Levi took a deep breath. He felt euphoric. He had been casually trying to think of topics since last week. All of a sudden, this woman can just ramble off hundreds of ideas? Levi smiled visibly.

“Actually… I really like the final topic you suggested. About steroids.” Levi admitted.

Hange smiled back at him. “Great! I can try to help you find some sources or books.” She directed him to open a new tab and to go to a certain database. “This is where you can find reliable sources. Over here,” She pointed to his screen at the left side. “You can add filters. You can change how old or new you’d like the sources to be, filter out certain words or phrases, et cetera.” She had been closer to him now; she scooted her chair closer so she could explain the database to him. It was hard not to look at her as she explained. She was captivating.

Levi began to type in words for his topic.

“Steroids”, “Long-term use”, “Cushing’s Disease”, “Addison’s Disease”, “Addisonian Crisis”, “Pathophysiology”.

He felt like he was finally getting somewhere. He was finally making progress.

-

As Levi was walking home, he couldn’t get his mind off that girl. He decided to brainstorm about his topic in his room once he got there. The thing was, though, he couldn’t think of any more ideas. He found it funny. Of course he was full of ideas and inspiration when he visited that library, but now he’s void of any.

-

Levi’s weekends were no different than the weekdays. He made it appoint to visit the library again the next day, Saturday. It was a sunny, cool Saturday morning. Levi had inspiration to write. He needed a computer and Hange’s ideas. When he arrived, it seemed busy. There were three other patrons at the library.  He recognized Hange right away, helping a tall blonde man with a big nose. He wondered if she was the only employee there. The man she was helping was taller than her, so she had to reach up on her toes to point to items. She was an average height, but this action made her seem shorter than she actually was.

Hange looked his way and greeted him with a toothy smile. Levi waved at her and started to head down one of the aisles of books. He was in the nonfiction section, but was lost. For now, he just casually browsed the section, but quickly got impatient. He needed Hange’s help to find books for this paper. He heard her laugh with the patron. Maybe he’s a friend, he thought to himself. Her laugh was airy and full of heart. It seemed genuine and passionate. Levi felt an urge to make her laugh, too.

She finally made her way over to him. Levi was looking down at a book when she caught his eye. “Hey, stranger!” She greeted him with a wave. “Whatcha looking for?” She placed her hands on her hips.

“I’m trying to find some sources for my paper. Steroids is the topic,” Levi explained.

“Oh, right. I remember! After you left last night, I tried to look for some books for your topic,” She said. She was trying to help me? Levi thought to himself.

She curled her finger in a “follow me” gesture and he did. She brought him to another aisle or two over from where they were. “These are the 600’s, where you’ll most likely find what you’re looking for. I found a book or two about Addison’s disease, but it’s more of a memoir. You can look around though if you’d like. Anything in the 610’s should be right up your alley.” She explained as if she was going to leave, but she didn’t. Hange looked for books with him. 

After a moment, she made a noise. “Look at this!” She exclaimed. She reached next to him to reach for a book. She was on her toes again. “Mmmm,” She moaned as she tried to reach. “Actually, I’m gonna get the step stool. I don’t think I can reach it.” Quickly, she left and came back with the stool. It looked unreliable, but Levi was sure he’d be able to prevent any accident from occurring. Hange placed it on the ground and stepped up on it, grabbing the book with ease. She stepped down with the book in her hand. This book had a white cover with a blue label and was titled “Coping with Prednisone”. Levi was surprised she even knew what prednisone was. 

“Here!” She reached it out for him to grab. He took it and looked at her face. She had that same look in her eyes. “Did you want to use the computer?” He nodded and she led him towards the front of the library. The library was small from the outside, but very deep inside. It reminded him of a forest. 

“I got your name, don’t worry,” She said, clicking her pen and writing his name down on the sheet. 

“Oops!” Hange made a quick grimace. “I added an ‘e’ at the end. I’ll just cross it out.” The statement sounded like it was addressed to herself rather than to anyone else. She crossed out the extra letter.

“Ackermane”. Levi was gonna attempt to make her laugh.

“If you thought I looked like a horse you could’ve just said so.” 

Mane, horse mane. Get it?

It felt like forever before Hange responded. She looked up at him, starting to laugh. It was a short but audible laugh. Her head nodded back and she smiled. Her cheeks turned pink and her eyes lit up for a moment. It made his heart skip a beat. It was a bad joke yet she still laughed. She chuckled. Giggled? No. Laughed lightly. Chortled? Maybe that’s the right word. Whatever it was, he wanted to do it more, maybe even more than that.

He followed her to the computers. The blonde guy she was helping earlier was on one computer. She led him to the two computers across from the other ones and sat down in the chair next to him.

“What are you doing?” Levi asked, placing the book she found for him on the table.

Her eyebrows raised, and after a moment she reacted. She waved her hands in front of her.

“I’m sorry! I thought you may have needed help. I should get back to work anyway. I gotta go through a new box of books that just came in.”

Levi looked up at her. Is she blushing? he asked himself.

“I’ll let you know if I need help.” Levi responded. She smiled at him before quickly walking away.

-

He started to find some evidence-based practice articles about how steroids can cause long-term side effects, especially if stopped abruptly. He made sure to keep the tabs available. He’d have to cite them later. Levi’s mind was racing with words and sentences and ideas. He had to get them down on paper. He opened Documents on the computer and started typing away.

The clicking of the keyboard soothed him. He was a pretty fast typer, he didn’t make many mistakes either. The library around him began to become quiet as his typing got louder and he got deeper in thought. Before he knew it, his two hours were up. He felt someone approach him from his right.

“Hey,” Hange said, gently tapping the table next to him. “It’s 2pm. I gotta close up.”

Levi snapped out of his focused trance with a quick head shake. “Right. Sorry.” He pulled out a flash drive from his backpack and plugged it into the computer. He transferred his document. “I got the first page done.”

Levi asked himself for a brief moment why he was sharing this information with someone he just met. Maybe since she helped him, he felt she should know.

“That’s great! It seemed like you were really focused,” Hange said, walking away to shut off some lights. Only then did he notice the white noise of the overhead lights quickly dissipate. The room buzzed with silence now. Levi and Hange were alone in the library. Suddenly, Levi felt nervous. He watched Hange walk around the room frantically, making sure to shut off all the lights and computers. She grabbed a bag. The bag was a fabric material with a patchwork design that had a long strap that hung on on her shoulder. Maybe she made it herself. She grabbed her big mess of keys and walked towards him.

“Ready?” She said. He nodded and walked outside, holding the door for her. She thanked him, locking the door behind her. They began to walk down the street slowly. 

“Want to grab lunch?” Hange asked, looking at him. Levi looked back at her. She looked pretty.

“Sure, I can eat.” Hange chuckled at that. He didn’t try, but it made her happy for a brief moment. He seemed nervous but she was too.

They decided to eat at a cute restaurant on campus called “Life in Paradis”. It was a small, dainty place with a green and yellow checkered awning. The building was made of yellow brick, and the door was bright green. There were flower pots outside on the windowsill. Again, this place seemed totally out of place in the modern aesthetic of the university. 

“This place is adorable!” Hange exclaimed. “I love the food here. You’ll love it too. They have all kinds of food here.” Levi felt a smile grow on his face. The way she talked made his heart flutter. She was always so passionate. They entered and got a table for two. This is not a date, Levi kept telling himself. Then why were his cheeks red?

They sat down and looked through a menu. Levi wasn’t extremely hungry even though he hadn’t had anything but tea this morning. He peered over his menu to look at the girl. Her hair was different today, he determined. Today all her hair was in a ponytail, and it was higher on her head. She wore a light yellow button-down with a long, light blue cardigan. Hange caught him staring at her and blushed.

“What would you two like to order?” The waitress asked him first.

“I’m gonna get a sandwich, I think,” He said, crossing his arms across his chest. “Turkey sub.” “I think I’m gonna get a chicken caesar salad,” Hange said. He nodded, grabbed the menus, and walked away.

Hange began to talk about how beautiful the flowers outside the restaurant were. They were all variants of pink, purple, yellow, and red. She described the petals and the leaves, the flowers’ origins, and all the meanings of the flowers. Levi wasn’t annoyed by her tangent this time. He actively listened to this girl talk about what fascinated her so much. He found it soothing. It made him wonder how her brain can contain all the information she was spewing at him. He enjoyed watching the way her eyes lit up when she talked. The beautiful green that blossomed at the bottom of her irises when the light hit her eyes at the right angle. The way her lips curled into a big smile when she talked to him. Her cheeks flush to a light pink when she describes the petals of the flowers or how flowers were used to express feelings when words cannot. It made his heart race. 

“Levi,” Hange said. Her affect was the opposite of earlier when she was rambling. She wore a frown on her face, feeling guilty.“I’ve been rambling… sorry. It’s such a bad habit of mine. I can talk for hours and hours.”

“Don’t apologize, four-eyes,” Levi replied, leaning his elbows and forearms on the table in a crossed position. Hange smiled at him. Levi meant it. She shouldn’t apologize for talking, especially if it’s about something she loves. The food had arrived at the table. They ate. Levi felt the need to open up to her about something. He already learned so much about her, and her presence made him feel like he can open up. 

“I like to run,” Levi said abruptly. Hange looked at him intently, chewing on a forkful of salad. “I don’t do it competitively or anything, but I enjoy running. I try to run once or twice a day.” Hange’s eyebrows raised and she nodded in agreement.

“That’s awesome!” She smiled again at him. “I like to run too. I’m really slow and get tired easily, but I enjoy feeling the wind in my hair and feeling my heart pound.” She took a bite of her meal again. Levi nodded and began to eat too. This sandwich was really good.

-

After talking some more about hobbies and school, they both finished their meal. The waiter brought over the check. Hange reached into her pocket for her wallet.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Levi asked. Hange furrowed her brows.

“I invited you out to lunch. I will pay,” Hange determined, her wallet now in her hands.

“No,” Levi said too quickly. “I will pay. It’s the least I can do. You helped me with my paper after all.”

The bickering lasted a very long minute. Before she got to think of the idea, Levi grabbed the checkbook and shoved his card inside before handing it to the waiter. Hange looked surprised. She sighed, putting her wallet away.

“Thank you, Levi. But you really didn’t have to.”

“I wanted to.”

In all honesty, Hange didn’t have much money. She worked at that library four times a week, but the money she made went towards paying off her tuition. She really wanted to treat this man, her new friend. She wasn’t sure if he thought the same way about her. Did he consider her his friend? She felt slightly embarrassed. She did most of the talking and felt like she was annoying him. Maybe he just wanted to pay so she would lay off. 

But the truth is, Levi felt the opposite way of how she was thinking. He was interested to hear more from her. He was addicted to the way his heart raced when he saw her. 

-

Over the next couple of days, Levi would go to that library whenever he was available. He knew it was closed on Sunday, so he went Monday and Tuesday to the library. Fortunately, he got his first batch of money from the brats that fried his computer. He received $100. Of course it was not enough, but it was a start. Wednesday the 17th came around. This specific day was a wild card. The weather was unpredictable. Levi entered the library just in time; it had started to downpour. The little bell rang as he entered the library. To his surprise, Hange was not working that day. There was a boy behind the counter who was tall and had a brown bowl cut hairstyle.  He almost thought about turning around and leaving when he realized she wasn’t there. The rain charged towards the earth viciously, so he decided to seek shelter in the small library. It almost looked like a hurricane. He felt his mood change into a bad one. He didn’t remember to ask how often she worked. 

“Hi there!” The man said. His name tag read “Moblit”. That’s a dumb name.

“I wanna use a computer,” Levi muttered, walking up to the main desk.

“Okay. Name?” Moblit grabbed the clipboard and a pen.

“Levi Ackerman.”

“Oh, I see you’ve been here before. A lot, actually.” Levi scoffed and rolled his eyes at his comment. He turned around, picked a computer, and sat down. He felt really stupid to not ask her about her schedule.

The two hours he spent working on his paper was incredibly slow. He didn’t get much done that day. He had writer’s block. He was almost done, so he didn’t worry about it too much. He didn’t know Hange’s schedule. He knew she worked Friday, the day they met; Saturday; Monday, and Tuesday. Maybe she only worked four times a week? Before he knew it, he asked Moblit aloud. It was almost an accident.

“Uh, she’ll be in on Friday,” Moblit replied. He probably couldn’t give out that information to some creep who began visiting daily with an attitude. He muttered a “thanks” before finishing up and heading out. The weather was holding up for now, so he decided to make a run for it. He didn’t say goodbye to Moblit.

He didn’t have an umbrella. The sun was trying to shine through the dark, eerie clouds. It wasn’t trying hard enough. He heard thunder rumbling in the distance.

Levi realized that this girl was all he thought about the past few days. Something about her enticed him. Something about her eyes and her presence drew him towards her. His heart skipped a beat whenever she’d graze his hand on accident, or even when she just talked to him. She made him happy. He hadn’t had too many friends in college. Although they just met last week, he felt a deep connection with her. 

Suddenly, the sun poked through the clouds for a brief moment. The world lit up. It was at that moment he recognized a familiar face. Hange. She was walking towards him. She grinned when she saw him. She wore a fitted black t-shirt and baggy, light blue jeans. 

“Levi!” She exclaimed. “I forgot my jacket in the library, so I came down to get it.” 

“You didn’t tell me you weren’t working today.” Is all Levi said. Once he said it, he realized how creepy it must’ve sounded. A man she just met happens to go to this library to work on his project every day, who happens to come up with multiple reasons to interact with her. Maybe she thought he was a perv.

“Ehh!” She sighed. “I’m sorry! I thought I told you I was off today.” Levi shook his head. The comment itself may have sounded rude, but it wasn’t. She genuinely felt bad. “Walk with me.” Levi followed. Guess not.

“I don’t work Wednesday’s and Thursday’s. Well I’m not supposed to be,” Hange explained. “Mobilt, one of my co-workers, is always calling out sick. So I basically run the place.” They walked towards the library again and entered. 

“Hey, Moblit. How’s it going?” Hange said in a normal tone, heading towards the back of the library. Moblit responded briefly, following Hange. Levi decided to hang back, he figured it was a secure area. He looked around awkwardly.

“Hange, you didn’t tell me you had a boyfriend,” Moblit said, following her towards the back. 

Hange chuckled nervously. “He’s not my boyfriend,” she said bluntly. “He’s just a friend.” Moblit scoffed, rolling his eyes. “If he’s not your boyfriend, how come his mood entirely changed once he saw you?”

Hange found her jacket, folding it over her forearm. “Huh?”

“He was, like, in a bad mood when he came in. He used the computer but he seemed to be pissed or something. Now that he’s with you, he seems… tolerable.”

Hange laughed, feeling her cheeks blush. “It’s nothing like that. People have bad days, you know.”

Hange rolled her eyes and smirked, then headed towards the front of the library. “Ready?” Levi nodded and turned around.

“See you Friday,” Moblit called out. “See ya.” Hange replied.

The two started walking down the street. The air smelt of rain, and the ground was wet from the rain earlier. “Which building is your dorm in?” Hange asked. He was a bit surprised she asked him that, and she was so direct about it.

“Saint Maria,” He replied. She smiled. “Me too! I can’t believe I haven’t seen you around!” The wind picked up and the sky turned darker than before. They both looked up. “If you can’t make it to the library, you can use my desktop in my dorm room,” Hange offered. Levi’s cheeks turned bright red. 

“Thanks, maybe tomorrow I can stop by,” Levi said. It was more of him thinking aloud than a statement. It was too late though, Hange already heard him. He could’ve sworn he didn’t say it aloud.

“That’s fine! I only have a class early tomorrow morning. Come by around 11, okay? My room number is 506.” Levi nodded. Thunder rolled and sounded closer now. They were almost at the dormitory building when it started to downpour. The rain was forcefully coming down on the two. Levi groaned in annoyance. He hated being in the rain. He hated being wet; he hated the wet socks and how gross he felt when it rained. He would’ve started to run to the building to seek cover, but he was taken aback by his new friend.

She was soaked and embracing it. She lifted her head up to face the sky and she laughed. It was loud, happy, genuine, and it took Levi’s breath away. Hange reached her hands out wide and spun around. He saw a strike of lightning light up the sky. He stared at her in awe. His heart swelled. Levi smiled big. After laughing, Hange looked at Levi and shared the look that he wore just a few moments ago. She loved his smile. She wished to make him smile more. She was also determined to make him laugh, too.

She grabbed his hand. “Let’s take cover!” And she pulled him into the dormitory hall. Saint Maria’s hall was beautiful. It had ceiling-to-floor glass pane windows that were always crystal clear. There was a big black modern chandelier that hung from the ceiling. It contained visible light bulbs. Hange secretly loved it. There were the same big, yellow, leather couches in the living room as there were in the study area on his floor. They both wiped their feet off on the big rug in the entryway. 

“I love the rain,” Hange deduced, turning her head to look at him. As if Levi couldn’t tell. Her hand was still holding his. Levi looked up at her. “I like it, too.”

#levihan #levi x hange #levi x hanji #levihan fic #aot #snk #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #snk fic #aot fic #rivahan

[tirednotflirting]

does it ever drive you crazy, just how fast the night changes?

baby’s first au whaaaaaat? 

special thank you to @clumsyclifford​ for linking the prompt list i got this idea from! this was the prompt (it was a whole slew of celebrity AUs: “wait, you’re supposed to be DEAD and i just recognized you at the grocery store, turns out you just didn’t want to be a celebrity anymore” au. bella is also writing one from this list and it’s one of my most favorite lashton things i have ever read, highly recommend, 10/10, i could yell about hello, hello for ages omg

also here is the ao3 link if that’s your preferred way to read :)  

There are few things that bring Luke as much joy as his Friday night (well, Saturday morning, really) grocery trips.

He had started working the night shift at the nurses’ desk at the children’s hospital about a year prior after graduating. He had found the job through the friend of a friend of a friend who was a nurse herself and mentioned the job needed filling fast. Luke had never really considered the idea of a night job but ultimately the work wasn’t all too bad. He made coffee every couple of hours (he made an effort to never let the pot empty which got him lots of smiles from the nurses) and every once in awhile Lina, the 6 year old cancer patient whose room was just around the corner from the brightly colored desk, would wander out to ask him to check for monsters under her bed and to be tucked back in. It was pretty simple (and heartwarming) work.

However, staying up through the night for 5 nights a week made it damn near impossible to be awake during the day on his weekends off. Luckily enough for Luke, he had friends like Michael who tended to play video games all night despite working through the day (he stopped questioning how he managed it a long time ago) and his favorite grocery store was a 24 hour location.

The first time Luke had come to do his shop at around 2am, he had felt a little spooked by the parking lot and eerie silence in between Top 40 songs that played over the intercom in the store. But he soon grew to find the general atmosphere pretty calming and he made friends with the nighttime stocker (a guy named Calum who also never saw himself doing nighttime work but here they were) and it became something he really looked forward to on his Saturday (very early) mornings.

He arrives at the store just a bit after 1am. He just finished ‘a late breakfast’ (he still always finds himself giggling at the concept of eating meals at opposite points in the day as everyone else despite the obvious logic to the schedule) and has a list tucked into the pocket of his sweats. It’s a little chilly out so he grabs the first sweater he sees on the backseat - a blue cardigan - since he knows they also keep the store pretty cool in the night to make sure everybody stays awake through their shift.

As he grabs one of the smaller carts as he heads into the store, he feels his phone buzzing in his pocket. He pulls out his list first and drops it into the baby seat of the cart and then grabs his phone. Luke’s faced with the wild selfie Michael set for his profile picture and he rolls his eyes as clicks the icon to answer the call.

“What’s up, Mikey?” he answers as he starts pushing the cart in the direction of the produce section. 

“You at the store yet?” Luke can hear the clicking of the buttons on the controller in Michael’s hands.

“Yeah, just got in. You need anything?”

Michael then rambles off a short list that Luke jots down into his notes app since he doesn’t have a pen or anything with him. He assures his friend he’ll come drop off the odd collection of snacks and things (“They have to be the dinosaur shaped ones. I swear Luke they do taste better.”) once he finished up his shop of real groceries.

Luke wanders around the produce, picking out what fruits and veggies he wants to have around for the week. He takes his time finding the apples without the bruises, bananas that will be the perfect amount of ripe by midweek, some leafy bunches for the salad he’s been assigned to bring for the breakroom potluck on Tuesday. He’s checking out some strawberries that he thinks might be nice to toss into the mix too when a human sized figure appears in the corner of his vision.

It’s a man around his size (in similar cozy clothes) facing away from him. He’s got hair the opposite color to Luke’s bleached blonde. His messy black curls are pulled back into a tiny bun that mirrors Luke’s own. The other man is broad and has a tattoo of a bird across the back of his neck, just barely visible above the collar of a faded blue sweatshirt. The tattoo is one that seems oddly familiar to Luke, as though it belongs to someone he knows. The man begins to wander off toward the bakery section of the store though and Luke shrugs off the recognition, figuring it might be someone he’s seen around a waiting room in the hospital at some point. He settles on some strawberries and starts pushing his cart in the direction of the deli and meats.

As he stares at the different packages of chicken and breakfast sausages, he can’t help but think back on the man he saw though. There was something achingly familiar about him, and more than just the tattoo. He can’t shake the thought for some reason and finds himself jumping in surprise when he feels his phone buzz once again in his pocket. 

He doesn’t even have to look to the screen to know that it’s Michael calling again to add something to his list. In fact, he happens to even know the items that his friend failed to mention the first time he called. Luke presses the accept button and lifts the phone to his ear.

“Froot Loops and the character shaped fruit snacks?”

“The superhero ones, if they have them please!”

*

Luke continues around the store, grabbing all the bits from his list (and Michael’s 12 year old boy list) and eventually lands in the dairy section. He grabs the yogurt he’s been mixing granola into for breakfast lately and some butter for the cookies his mom sent him a recipe for. Only thing left in terms of food is cereal milk and coffee milk (2% and oat, respectively, of course). When he looks up from the list to make his way over to the fridges containing the plethora of milks, he is faced once again with the familiar stranger. 

Except this time, as he catches just the briefest glimpse of the man’s face, of his hazel eyes and strong jawline, he realizes this isn’t a stranger. Very much not a stranger. It’s Ashton Irwin, the host of at least three of those reality dating shows he forces Michael to watch with him on the weekends since he can’t watch them when they air live on Monday and Tuesdays. 

Or, well, he was the host of all of those shows until about two months ago.

Because Ashton Irwin has been dead for two months due to a freak heart attack while on vacation on some remote island.

Luke glances away from him for a moment in a panic. Has he completely lost it? Have the late nights finally gotten to him and he’s starting to actually see things that don’t exist? Was Calum right all along and the store really is haunted? (Though it's a little lost on him why a star TV host would want to haunt a grocery store. And not even a good one like that Whole Foods in Downtown.)

Then he realizes that perhaps he was just wrong. (Though now that he thinks about it, he very much remembers liking an Instagram picture of that tattoo on Ashton Irwin’s account a couple years back.) He’s far enough down the aisle from him that he can chance a look at the man without being caught. So, slowly, Luke turns again just slightly to look toward him.

It’s the hair that left him not immediately making the recognition. His hair has been dyed black, a stark contrast to his signature dark red but definitely a change that likely doesn’t draw as much attention. The sweatshirt he’s paired with black skinny jeans is pretty baggy and it’s a damn shame because Luke knows he has the arms of a god.

(Something Luke knows from the tabloid covers he glances at from time to time at the pharmacy and the summer version of the show that Ashton hosted, of course. He most definitely has never searched up his name + ‘biceps’ before. Never.)

But despite the obvious attempt to match the look and aesthetic of ‘2am grocery shopper’ he's still very unmistakably Ashton Irwin.

As Luke grapples with this new knowledge that apparently this person he thought was dead is not dead and also apparently goes to the same grocery as him, he fails to notice that Ashton has turned to face him and that he is still staring at him in shock. 

Very quickly, Ashton’s face comes to mirror Luke’s expression and he’s rushing toward the blonde in a state of terror. 

“Please don’t say anything,” he gasped in a hushed voice. The accent similar to his own that Luke has grown used to hearing on his TV sticks out some in his panicked words.

“How? I - uh? Are you,” Luke trips over every syllable that comes out of his mouth as he attempts to let his brain wrap around the situation. “Are you a ghost?”

The feared look of the black haired man actually fades some as he lets a quiet giggle escape (a very cute giggle, if Luke is being honest). “I’m, uh, not a ghost. No. Though I guess that does kind of accurately explain what I’m trying to be.”

Now Luke is even more confused. Based on the statement, he obviously wasn’t making up all of the tabloid stories he had seen about Ashton dying but something isn’t adding up to the present moment. “I don't-”

“Listen, if you’re going to go tell the press, can you at least give me like,” he glances down at his phone screen displaying the time. “2 hours to get back out to my friend’s place where I’ve been hiding?”

It’s now Luke’s turn to laugh. “You do realize if I go to some paparazzi or something and tell them I saw deceased Ashton Irwin wandering around my grocery store trying to decide between hazelnut and cashew milk they would just laugh in my face, right?”

The statement causes Ashton to look down at his hands to the milks in his hands. He sighs down at the cartons before tossing both of them in the cart. “Guess you’re not really wrong.”

“Is someone pulling some kind of long-winded, over the top prank on me right now? Am I being punk’d?” Luke asks, his head tilting some in a way that would normally have Michael making fun of him for the child-like behavior. “Because I know for a fact that I am not worth that much effort.”

The questions have Ashton smiling a bit again and Luke suddenly finds himself wanting to say increasingly dumb things so long as it’ll keep the hazel-eyed man smiling. “No, no. Not at all. I just,” his smile falters some, leaving his lips still turned up but his eyes drop some. “I started to get a little sick of the world and the world started getting a bit sick of me, I think.” Luke wonders if Ashton knew just how heavy his words feel.

He scoffs then, as if hearing Luke’s silent question. “Wow, sorry that was really dramatic,” Ashton shakes his head a bit before continuing. “Hi, I’m Ashton.”

Luke looks down to the tanned arm being stretched out toward him. He lifts a hand from his shopping cart and wraps it around Ashton’s. “I’m Luke.”

Ashton brightens again as he shakes his hand. “Well, Luke, you’re the first person other than my current landlord of sorts that I’ve come across since literally dying in the eyes of the media. So I guess I owe you an explanation? Since it seems like you’re familiar with that media viewpoint?”

Ashton moves to start pushing his cart in the direction of another area of the store but peers over his shoulder and gestures with his head to follow him. Luke quickly reaches into the fridge on his left to grab the rest of his dairy before catching up to him. “Well, you really don’t owe me anything. I don’t know you beyond what I see of you on my TV screen,” Luke wonders then if maybe he should have played it a bit cooler and not told the cute, presumed dead TV star that he watches his shows. “But I am a bit confused by whatever is going on and would like to hear anything you’re willing to share.”

“Cute and polite,” Ashton muses, avoiding Luke’s eye as he continues forward toward the packaged food aisles. “You’re already checking boxes, Luke.”

Some kind of intelligible noise falls from Luke’s lips as he feels a blush rush up to his cheeks because he’s flirting with him. Ashton only laughs and starts his story.

“Well Luke, you seem to be aware of what I did for a living up until about 2 months ago. I’ve been doing this job for like, about 5 years and before every new season of anything, there’s all these big network and programming meetings about production and filming and such. And every single time, I get hounded by our ratings people because I apparently don’t do enough to instigate and promote drama. Like my contract was getting threatened like three times a year because rather than trying to make peoples’ lives miserable, I just want to help them fall in love.

“And so at this particular meeting, about two and half months ago, just before the ‘accident’,” he punctuates the word with air quotations. “I got the boot. Ratings from the previous season were down by 3% and all of the uppers decided it was because of my congeniality and not the fact that the guy they chose for the season was a complete dick.

“So that night I have to host the red carpet stuff for an awards show. And I’m talking with all these glittery people who also do TV work and it suddenly hits me, harder than it ever has before, that every single person I’m speaking to would never even bother to smile in my direction if they didn’t know who I was. If I was just a plain old guy, the kind of guy I was back in school before I signed on to the shows, they probably wouldn’t pay me a single bit of kindness. So I decided, right then, as I was talking to some Grey’s Anatomy actor, that I wanted to get out.”

He turns into the chip aisle then, and Luke follows close behind. “You decided you wanted to step away from television and your first idea was to fake your own death?”

Ashton laughs as he reaches for a couple tubes of Pringles. “It was more than that,” he starts as he tosses the tubes into the cart. “I wanted to escape celebrity all together, not just the world of television. A friend from back home that I would trust with my life had this cabin kinda out in the middle of nowhere in this forest and he only ever uses it for like, two weeks in the summer and said I could camp out there until I find a way to get back to Australia undetected to live at the house I bought over there a few years ago. My manager helped with all the media stories and such. And two months later, here we are.”

“That’s insane,” Luke shakes his head as he speaks, reaching for his own tube of Pringles as he realizes it's been quite awhile since he got his hand stuck in a Pringle tube so why not?

“The journey is a bit wild, I will agree, Luke, but the life I’m living right now is much more enjoyable than faking it every damn day.”

Luke shakes his head (and ignores the fluttery feeling he keeps getting when Ashton says his name). “No, I mean it’s insane that I am somehow the first person that’s caught you.”

Ashton’s brows perk up at the statement. “Oh yeah no, I’m also pretty surprised by that. Figured I would have had to pay off a lot of people by now to keep them quiet.”

They’ve both pushed their carts up toward the self check out how and start scanning away at their items. Luke looks up halfway through his cart and catches Calum giving him a look from a little ways away. He’s got a suggestive look on his face. But thankfully it's one that reads much more as “ohhh Luke is talking to a boy” rather than “ohhh there’s a celebrity in my store”. Plus Luke knows Calum wouldn’t be the type to go rushing to media people to out the presence of dead celebrities in his grocery store at 2am so he chooses to subtly flip him off before reaching for the next item in his basket.

They’re both about done scanning and bagging up their groceries when Luke starts to realize he really...doesn’t want this little bit of time he’s spent with Ashton to end yet. And given his lack of normal human interaction during daylight hours as of recently, he’s a bit out of practice on the whole asking someone to extend a conversation beyond the grocery store aisles. He drops his bags back into his cart to roll back out to his car and as he watches Ashton perform the same action the words just sort of leap from his mouth. “Hey do you, uh, have anywhere to be right now?”

Ashton gently places a bag containing some produce into his cart before turning to Luke, a teasing smirk resting on his lips. “Luke, it’s 2am and I’m presumed dead to everyone but about 4 people,” he catches that Luke still looks somewhat nervous (something he would later reflect on to tell him just how damn cute it was) and continues. “So I’ve got just about all the time in the world.”

“Want to come to mine for lunch? We could make something and watch a show or keep chatting or something?” he asks, tentatively. 

He watches as Ashton’s face shifts a bit, obviously confused by some part of what Luke’s just said. “Why would you ask if I’m free now if you were wanting to make lunch plans?”

Luke realizes his request requires some explanation for people that live during normal human hours. “Oh, because I have lunch at about 3am. Because I work nights. So right now feels like,” he pauses a moment, trying to decide and calculate what time this would have been for him before taking his job. “It feels like about 11am-ish for me right now. So close to lunch time.”

They’re out in the parking lot now and Ashton just stops for a moment beside Luke in the middle of the lot and looks up at him for a moment, a smile spreading across his face, his dimples, ones that Luke had grown used to seeing on his TV screens over the last few years, increasingly deepen. “Lunch sounds nice.”

* 

Ashton follows Luke back to his apartment (and to the brief stop he makes at Michael’s where he ignores the comments about the man parked in the car behind his) and they park in the garage, carrying their groceries in their arms up to his unit. They each deposit their cold and frozen items into Luke’s fridge and he pours them each a glass of water as Ashton takes a seat at his kitchen counter. Luke sips from his glass as he watches Ashton glance around his kitchen and living room.

“I try to keep it cozy,” Luke explains as he reaches into a cabinet for a couple pots and pans. He migrates over to his sink to fill a pot with water to boil. “Needed it when I first started the working at night thing and I needed to find a way to force myself to sleep when the sun was up. Gonna make some pasta and chicken thing, that cool?”

Ashton smiles warmly from his place at the counter. “Sounds lovely. You mind if I use that?” he points to the opposite corner of the space where a black Keurig machine sits. “I don’t often do this whole living like normal in the night thing.”

Luke laughs at the comment on being nocturnal. “Go for it.” 

He turns back to the pan of chicken, chopping it up and moving it around some before turning to a different burner and tossing in a few things to make a garlic sauce. He can make maybe two things that qualify as meals rather than just large portioned snacks so he’s opted for one of those since he so rarely has company. 

“What do you do then that’s got you up all through the night?” Ashton asks as he opens the cabinet above the coffee machine pulling down a bright yellow mug. The color suits him, Luke thinks. “You work in tech support or something?”

“Thankfully very far off from that,” Luke starts with a giggle. “I’m absolute garbage with computers. I work the nurses’ desk for the recovery wing at one of the children’s hospitals. It’s a lot of checking and distributing charts, ordering things for the nurses, talking to parents when they want more logistical updates on their child’s care there. Sometimes I get to help entertain the kids who get to go out and about. Yesterday I let them request songs to play for awhile and then we had show and tell.”

“God, you’re like something out of some cheesy movie, huh?”

Luke turns to see Ashton smiling up at him, his arms crossed at his chest as he leans against the counter to face him, the coffee machine whirring to life behind him. Luke bites at his cheek to avoid an entirely too large smile to spread across his face though he knows he can’t help the blush painting it’s way across his nose and cheeks. “It’s a good job. Even worth the whole graveyard shift situation.”

Ashton grimaces at the end of Luke’s reply. “Night shoots used to kick my ass. There is nothing in the world more terrifying than slightly drunk women in hot pink crying over some complete asshole rejecting them after a cocktail party at 2am.”

“Was there anything about it that you liked, though?” Luke asks after he turns down the heat to let the sauce simmer for a bit. He watches Ashton stir some milk into his mug that he retrieved from the fridge.

“Of course,” Ashton answers quickly, in a tone that projects honesty rather than just being used to answering the question. “I got to travel to places I would have never made it to otherwise, meet people that I considered heroes growing up, provide for myself and my family. And for a while that’s why I just dealt with the bull shit. But I started to realize I was working my ass off for all of that good stuff I was getting. That I didn’t have to deal with things in exchange for those things that were mine because of my work.”

Luke isn’t quite sure what to respond to that. Because he’s right, the logic is obvious and sound on all of it. As he’s trying to formulate a response though, Ashton cuts in again. “Though I guess maybe that’s a pretty privileged logic I-”

“No, don’t,” Luke cuts him off. “You shouldn’t justify the unfair parts of your job like that. You shouldn’t have to sacrifice your own values about the way people should be interacting with one another for the sake of drama for good TV ratings. You don’t owe anything to anyone who doesn’t actually give a shit about you as a person. I’ve known you for like two hours and it already just baffles me why someone wouldn’t want to know who you are behind the stage makeup and scripted lines.”

He watches as Ashton lifts the mug to his lips, pink cheeks peeking out from each side (he wonders if the change in color comes from the heat of the mug or the words he’s just said). He lowers the mug and his lips lift into a lazy smile. “See now I’m starting to wonder if I’m actually dead. Your kindness is angelic.”

Luke hasn’t a single clue how to respond to that so he gives the hazel-eyed man a small smile before returning to his saucepan. Ashton shifts the conversation then, asking Luke more about his job before telling him about the gardening he’s taken up since being stuck out in the middle of nowhere on his own. He shows Luke pictures of his herb garden and points out each one as he names it. As he starts putting food into bowls, Luke offhandedly mentions how he’s always wanted to grow lavender but tending to plants when you sleep through the sunshine makes gardening difficult. He drops a fork into a bowl and when he turns to hand it to Ashton, Luke watches as he hits the “Add to Cart” option on an Amazon page for lavender seeds. His heart does some kind of funny rhythm as butterflies burst in his chest. Their eyes meet as Ashton locks his phone and looks up to him. 

“Pretend you didn’t see that, I want it to be a surprise,” Ashton whispers between the two of them, his right eye winking up at Luke as he accepts the bowl.

“So this is going to be happening again then?” Luke muses as he grabs his own bowl and walks toward the living room. Ashton follows behind him. “I should plan for future early morning lunches with a dead celebrity?”

“I know it comes with some amount of risk for both of us but,” Ashton looks down toward his feet, scratching at the back of his neck as he tries to come up with the right way to phrase things. Luke turns to face him as he hears the hesitation in his voice. “I really want to see you again. This has been nice. And not just because you’re the first person I’ve spoken to other than my mother in two months. I...want to know you, Luke.”

Luke smiles tiredly, feelings the earliness of the hour in a way that he hasn’t in quite some time. He watches as Ashton’s fingers fidget with a string hanging from the end of his sweatshirt, obviously nervous about what he’s just admitted to the man he’s only just really met, still. Luke reaches forward for his hand, tangling their fingers together as he squeezes his palm against Ashton’s. It feels nice to be close to someone like this. It’s something he didn’t realize he was missing out on while only really living in the night.

“I think you’re worth the risk, Ashton.”

He watches as Ashton looks down to their intertwined hands, Luke’s eyes following to the same place. His hands are pale from the lack of much sunlight other than what he gets at sunset when he goes out to take his walk after waking. Ashton’s is warm and tanned, likely from the sun he gets from days in his secret garden hideout. He barely knows this man, apart from the apparently highly curated version he’s seen on screen. He wants to know the Ashton that speaks like sunshine and loves love enough to lose his job over. He wants to know the steps he knows he’s skipping in his story right now that led to him faking his own death. So it’s no surprise that the next words have him smiling bright enough to light up the early morning they found each other in. 

“I think we’re worth the risk, too.”

*

#lashton #lashton fic #i honestly have been staring at this for so long i can't even tell if i like it anymore #i had to end it in domestic fluff i am SORRY #i have no idea how to end fics otherwise #this is Such a funny au though #like there were def better ways to do it but it was fun #esp for never having given AU a shot before #wow we're rambling in the tags anyone surprised? anyone? #also almost made the title a line from when the day met the night by patd but decided against it #i picked this title on the 1d anniversary and i feel the need to honor My Men

[disneychannie]

perpetually | k.junmyeon

pairings: junmyeon x reader

word count: 2.4k words

genre: fluff, slice of life au, non-idol au

warnings: mild swearing, mentions of subtle smut

summary: junmyeon knows for sure that he was going to mary you and make him your forever. though he was sure you were going to say ‘yes’ he still had doubt. i mean, who wouldn’t when he was dating the most prettiest girl on planet earth?

(capslock unintended)

to junmyeon, you were like a snowflake.

pure, soft, and most of all beautiful, inside and out. it was no doubt that one day he was going to propose to you. being together for almost 6 years pretty much seals the deal that he wants to be with you forever.

having to meet each other during your first years of uni till now, it was pretty shocking that the both of you managed to stay together for that long and keep loving each other even more every single day.

he loved the way you helped him go through law school with such ease and practically made everything easier for him despite you yourself having your own studies to worry over, you still chose to help junmyeon help whenever you could. thanks to you he was now one of the best new layers despite just having to get the job at a prestigious law firms two years ago. you on the other hand were a nurse at a hospital near his office which was easier for the both of you. which then evolves to the both of you going to work together (when you don’t have the late night shifts) and having quick lunch breaks at the local cafe nearby.

it was perfect.

the topic of getting married has been brought up a few times by him and he remembered how your eyes lit up at the idea of starting a big family with junmyeon with little cardboard copies of you running around your home. it was the future you could think of with junmyeon. but the both of you agreed to think about the whole marriage and kids stuff once you have stable jobs and is financially stable.

but what you didn’t know was that junmyeon has been saving up for a trip to paris where he planned on proposing to you there. he knew how cliché it sounds now that he think of It but he knows how much you love those kinds of things. sappy romance movies, dancing in the pouring rain, you were a sucker for those and junmyeon had to admit that he was too.

so what’s better than having to propose to you at the city of love in front of the infamous eiffel tower? 

what's amazing about it is that he didn't exactly think twice about wanting to propose to you. he knew that you were ready and so was he, so fuck it why not just do it? 

it did take him a lot of reassurance to actually muster up and go on with his plans from his best friend sehun. thought the younger knew how anxious his older friend could be, he knew that in the end this is still what he wanted and he wouldn’t change his mind.

though junmyeon at heart is sure that you will say yes, he is aware that things could go wrong and just the span of the trip and that got him all work up. the anxiousness costed him extra stress and two bottles of vodka. 

“what if she says no sehun? i don’t know if I can move on with life anymore,” junmyeon slurred. even with the amount of alcohol in his system, he still managed to think about you rejecting his proposal.

sehun only managed to grab the vodka bottle from his hand and wrapped his arms around his hyung’s shoulder.

“stop saying nonsense, you and I know that she’s going to say yes, she loves you too much to say no hung and you’re conscious of that right? you guys are meant for each other it’s impossible for you two to be apart from eachother,” 

“you’re right sehun,” junmyeon said bringing his head up from the bar table. “she’s going to say yes,”

so the next morning, he woke up to you probably at work already seemingly mostly on saturdays you still had to go to the hospital. he then saw the aspirin and the glass of water on his bedside table with a little note attached to it.

“to my junmyeon, you were pretty darn drunk last night and I can’t believe sehun told me you finished a bottle of vodka by yourself! that’s hot tbh take the pills and I'll see you tonight my love!”

- your sweet y/n :p

hell fucking yeah he was going to marry you

it was almost mid night when you came home and you were still in your dirty scrubs when you opened your apartment door to be met with junmyeon on the couch bundled up with your cat sleeping peacefully at at the other end of the sofa. 

startled from the sound of the door being swung open, he looked up from his phone and saw that you’ve arrived already. 

“myeon? why aren’t you asleep yet?” you questioned while shrugging your coat off from your cold body. though you weren’t complaining seemingly junmyeon was usually knocked out by 10. 

standing up from his laying position on the cozy couch he watched as you dropped your back on the coffee table as you walked over to him.

“is everything okay? you look pretty pale, are you sick?” you started to ramble on with questions at his tired figure. even with your probably stained with blood scrubs and the evident dark circles under your eyes, you still looked beautiful to him.

junmyeon just laughed and held your small hands in his big ones.

“I just have a surprise for you, I wanted to tell you over dinner tomorrow but I’m too excited to wait that long,” he said, his palms starting to get pretty sweaty from being too nervous.

“what is it?” you said grinning suddenly excited over what his surprise could be.

“I was planning on taking you to a wonderful week in paris as a vacation and, before you could say anything, I already talked this over with the hospital and they agreed on giving one of their best nurses a well-deserved break,” he said.

you couldn’t contain your joy and started squealing as you jumped around from your spot obviously happy that you finally got to go to your dream vacation place. junmyeon just smiled at your excited figure. 

you’re cute

“oh my god junmyeon is this for real? please don’t lie to me,” you said with a pleading look on your face.

“y/n,” junmyeon said as he laughed, “why would I be lying to you? after all these years you still think I would joke about this stuff?”

you then pulled his collar so that you could give him a loving kiss on the lips. by instinct, junmyeon then wrapped his arms around your small figure as your lips move in sync.

“thank you junmyeon, I really appreciate this so much,” you said as tears started to form in your eyes. you were definitely stressed from work and this one week vacation to a magical place seemed like a whole package for you.

“you know you deserve this right? I'm just being a good boyfriend,” he replied.

you then grinned and pulled him closer.

“let me show you how good you are then,” you whispered.

-

it was finally the day of the trip and it was hard to go throughout the weeks till the day of your departure without having to daydream about all the things you were bound to do with junmyeon there.

on the plane junmyeon know how you couldn’t control your excitement as you kept looking out the window of the airplane from your window seat with excitement in your eyes. the clouds looked the softest as you told junmyeon how you wanted to just flop and snuggle on the pillows. instead, you snuggled against his shoulders as you waited for your arrival.

the second you stepped of the airport you couldn’t stop squealing. you were finally here! all junmyeon could do was genuinely smile at your ethics. no doubt you’re cute when you’re excited.

the two of you opted on just sleeping as soon as you arrived at your hotel room because it was already past midnight and you needed every energy you needed to go touring around the city the next day.

that night you slept close to junmyeon as he held you tightly against his bigger figure. even with all the energy you had in the beginning, the second your head hit the pillows, you were a goner.

junmyeon couldn’t sleep that night, instead he thought about how the proposal would go. he was scared that you were gonna reject his proposal though he already knew you were gonna say yes. you’ll never know how things are going to go in the future.

the next few days were amazing as it could already. you tried so many new food and went to every cafe you passed by and tried the pastries and coffees there. you even visited the famous tourist attractions there and didn’t forget to take aesthetic pictures of each other. being the museum enthusiast you and junmyeon are, you visited the oh so famous Louvre Museum where you and even junmyeon were ecstatic about. having to only see them in television shows and pictures, you finally got to see it in real life.

and you couldn’t forget to visit the Eiffel Tower. where junmyeon planned on proposing to you. but he planned on doing it the night before you had to leave, in front of the shinning Eiffel Tower with the stars shining above you.

the second you saw the Eiffel Tower, the look on your face was as if a kid who had just gotten his favourite candy. you and junmyeon bought the warm churros and bagel from one of the many food trucks and two cups of hot chocolate as you both strolled along the park, talking about everything and anything with laughter filling the air.

things were going great just like he planned it to be and seeing you happy like this made his insides feel warm and made the butterflies in his stomach erupt. you looked beautiful with your hair dancing around with the wind, even if some stuck on your face, you still looked like an angel with that beautiful smile on your face and how your eyes would smile as you do.

finally, the last night strolled on by fairly quickly as the both of you are now walking hand in hand to the Eiffel Tower. the night was rather cold and junmyeon didn't forget to pack a few more hot packs with him knowing you might forget and get yourself sick from the cold.

“I'm sad now that it’s the last day,” you mumbled lowly as you finally made it to the Eiffel Tower, now just admiring how the tower sparkled that night. the stars seemed to shine brighter and it only brought more anxiousness to junmyeon.

he could feel his hand start to sweat as you got closer to the tower in hopes you didn't realise how clammy his hands felt. though the weather was cold, the sight of you was enough to make his face feel hot and he could feel the sweat slowly trickling down his neck. 

turning to look at you, in fact you did look devastated at the thoughts of leaving this beautiful place but you still had a glimpse of smile plastered on your face and it made junmyeon felt wobbly, his legs about to give up on him.

“it is, but there’s something I have to do before we leave here,” he said, finally the courage he had before slowly seep through his veins.

confused you turned to him and you could see the softness of his eyes. 

“what are you talking about myeon?” you said, totally unaware of the situation. which was a good thing about this whole thing since you were gullible yourself and he hoped you didn't instantly got caught on with what he was about to or it was going to ruin the whole plan.

taking your small hands in his large ones, he began to speak.

“y/n, you’re one of the greatest that had happen to me, though our encounter was rather embarrassing, I could never forget that day where I first laid my eyes on you. the day I fell in love with you. till today, my love for you isn’t only the same but it has grew bigger every single day. I seriously don’t know what I'll do if I didn’t have you by my side. the way you helped me get through law school even though you had your own course to deal with. you were there for every breakdown I had, every milestone I hit, and I'm glad I was there for you too. my love for you will never stop and it will remain that way till the day I die.” 

tears started to prick in your eyes. you knew exactly where this was going.

“so y/n, y/l/n,” he started before pulling out a small velvet ring box out of his pocket and getting on one knee. opening the box to reveal a beautiful diamond ring.

this is it

“will you marry me?” 

those were the words you’ve been waiting for since the day you’ve met.

a tear slipped down your cheeks and so did junmyeon’s. without hesitation you nodded before shakily replying,

“yes junmyeon, fuck yes of course,” 

relief washed over junmyeon as he was smiling from ear to ear. slipping the ring on your finger, he stood up and kissed you for the first time as your fiancé.

the people around you were clapping and cheering at the sweet moment.

you pulled away and he cupped his hands on your cheeks, wiping the tears from eyes.

“I'm so glad you proposed here, very cliche, I like it,” you said.

“of course you do, I know how it works in the kdramas you watch,” he replied smirking.

“hey junmyeon?” 

“yeah,” he replied, looking at you in the eye as if you were one of the shinning start at the sky that night.

“I love you.” with that you pulled him into a loving kiss again.

and you were glad that you could do it now every day of your life,

together.

#junmyeon #junmyeon imagines #kim junmyeon imagines #kim junmyeon #junmyeon scenarios #kim junmyeon scenarios #suho #suho imagines #suho scenarios #exo #exo imagines #exo obsession #exo scenarios #Kpop scenarios #kpop imagines

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #325

tired of seeing me in the survey tag yet? lmao me too

Would you date someone who’s shorter than you? I have absolutely never understood why there would be any correlation between someone's height and whether or not you would date the person because of it. What, do you think the person has any control over that? So basically, yes, I would, without a second thought. Have you ever fallen in love on the Internet? "Fallen in love," no. I had to meet Sara first to see how we meshed in the same environment. Have you ever had a crush on your best friend’s sweetie? Yes, hence the Joel mess. Have you ever had a controlling boyfriend? No. Good luck getting me to date someone like that. Can guys be sluts? Who the fuck cares so long as the person is safe and open with their partner. Ever had a crush on your best girlfriend? Twice now, haha. Would you ever kiss someone who’s taken? No, I'm not that kind of person. Do you mind being the third wheel? I don't care, really, so long as my friend doesn't totally ignore me. I very much enjoy seeing people in love. Has a kiss ever made you weak in the knees? Yes. Have you ever been in a love triangle? No, and I absolutely would not if I was aware. You pick me or you leave me alone. Do you feel comfortable buying condoms? I've never had to, but I'd probably feel a hint of awkwardness. Have you ever run into your ex with his/her new partner? No, and the only case where that would be a problem would be with Jason. I know in my heart I would feel at least some hatred towards her. Have you ever felt guilty after doing something sexual? Yep, when I was first actually getting truly sexual and felt like I was betraying my "abstinence." Would you stay friends with your sweetie’s friends if you broke up? I'm still friends with Jacob, mine and Jason's former roommate and his then-close friend. So yeah. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? I hope more than words can explicate that I have a stable job that I love, my driver's license, and my own place with a long-term partner, since I think living alone would be very detrimental to me. I also hope I have much better control over my social anxiety. Oh, and can I PLEASE be fit again? What was the last thing you bought for less than a dollar? No idea. Who was the last person in your bed? My niece Aria was sitting on it with me. I miss Misty's kids. Do you have a nice phone? Not particularly, but it does the job. Is Marilyn Manson creepy or cool? I find him creepy in a cool way, haha. Well, at least aesthetically. With his recent sexual assault (or abuse? idr) allegations however, I don't know how I feel about him because I don't know the facts. I really should actually read up about it. Regardless, I love his music; he's one of my favorite musical artists. Do you like talking to strangers? Depends on my mood and the person. Do you have OCD? Yes. Are you clumsy or graceful? I'm clumsy as all getout. Have you ever ran into a door because you didn’t know it was closed? Haha, no. Have you ever woke up and didn’t know where you were? After my cyst removal surgery, I was confused for a moment or so. Do you own a Wii? Yep. Do you like to talk about yourself? Depends on with whom, the subject, and my mood. Has anyone ever called you conceited? No; I'm very much on the other end of the spectrum. Tattoos or piercings? I love both, but tats win. Have you ever had ants ruin your picnic? I’ve never had a picnic. At least that I remember. What’s the last gross movie/show/video you saw? Recently, I watched The Dark Den dissect his recently-deceased tarantula to figure out why she died. It was serious impaction, and it was disgusting. Would you rather live in a huuuge house or a little cozy one? A lil cozy one! Not TOO small, though. I'd feel claustrophobic. Have you ever blow dried something other then your hair? Maybe? What is your favorite piece of equipment at gyms? Treadmills. Do you have a tutor for anything? No. Does your sibling(s) have braces? My older sister did for a little while. Did you tell your last girlfriend/boyfriend that you love them? Yes. What was the last thing your parents got mad at you for? Apparently I somehow forgot to wipe crumbs off the kitchen counter. Have you ever had a bathing suit fall off of you while swimming? Not a suit, no, but when I wore bikinis and I jumped into the pool, it's happened before where my top would go up. I'd obviously fix it super quick. Do your pets have favorites? I'm absolutely Roman's favorite, but he loves Mom, too. I'm the only one who interacts with Venus. What’s the longest you’ve ever liked someone without telling them? A very long time. I had a big crush on Girt my freshman year, and some time after Jason, my crush for him came back, but he didn't ask me out until years later. Turns out we'd been friends just too long and the relationship felt too weird for me, so I broke up with him after I think... four months or so? We're still great friends. That's my bro. Did you prank anyone on April Fool’s Day? I never do anymore. I don't like pranks. What’s the sweetest thing a gf/bf can do to get you to forgive them? Changed behavior. Do you dislike when surveys ask to describe your underwear? Well, I'm almost always in my pajamas, sooo I generally don't even have any at that moment. Did you check to see how much fat/calories was in the last thing you ate? No. If the last person you kissed gave you roses, what would you do? Blush and thank her. Anything happened lately that you never expected to? "Never?" No. Are you the person you thought you’d be when you were younger? I'm a massive disappointment and embarrassment to that little girl. Are you a confrontational person, or the peacekeeper? I am absolutely a peacekeeper. I avoid confrontation like the plague. The last time you did something with BOTH of your parents was? They've been divorced since I was I think 17 and I am now 25, so... Do you like pumpkin pie? Absolutely not. Do you believe in any conspiracies? I am 100% sold on that the government had some involvement in 9/11. Look into the evidence - there is an overwhelming amount. There are others that I consider as possible, but no others do I absolutely believe. I'm around 50/50 on the simulation theory. Do you have a little sister? What’s her name? Yeah, Nicole. Have you ever changed yourself to impress someone? Who? Nah. Who was the last person you gave up on? Why did you give up on them? Colleen. We simply butted heads way too much, and she just had this volatile meanness towards others I couldn't watch anymore. What was the last thing you printed? Is there even ink in your printer? Probably a paper for when I was in school. I don't know if our printer does. Have you ever gotten your nails done? Or do you get them done regularly? Yeah, with Colleen and then another time with my sisters. It was really just to hang with them, though. It's not something I'm interested in. Have you been outside yet today? What were you doing? Nope. When was the last time you got a new bed? Is your bed comfy? Not since I was an older teen did I get Mom's bed, but it wasn't new. This was actually her parents' bed, too. Well I mean, the mattress obviously isn't that old, but the bed itself is pretty ancient. It's comfy enough. Do you remember the first time you ever drove a car? Who were you with? Yes: on the dead-end road that led to our old house. I was with Mom obviously and probably my sister, since I think I did it on the way home from school. Do any of your friends drink excess amounts of alcohol? Do you? Not to my knowledge. I definitely don't. Have you ever been in handcuffs? Why, exactly? Yes, because it's mandatory when being transported to a mental hospital. What’s your favorite thing to do when drunk? Would you do this sober? Never been drunk before. When was the last time you bled? What happened? Well it's my time of the month, so. Are you a fan of dogs? Do you have any pets? I love dogs, but don't currently have one as a pet. Mom's looking intently. How often do you bathe? I'm going to be completely transparent and say not as much as I should. Doing my hair is fine, but moving all around, bending and propping my legs up exhausts my legs so much that I avoid showers as long as I can take it or until I have to go somewhere. I want strength back in my body. So. Badly. Do you have any tattoos? What, where and why? I have six that I'm not all explaining, but locations: right upper arm, right inner wrist, left inner forearm, left upper arm, right collarbone, left breast. What do you wear to bed at home? Pajama pants and a tank top. What do you wear to bed when you're somewhere else? Pj pants, tank top, and usually a bra, depending on where I'm at and with who. Do you have any phobias? What? Why do you think you have this/them? I have a lot, but I'll discuss my strangest/strongest: pregnancy, maggots, parasites, and whale sharks. Pregnancy would be because a fetus is technically parasitic, and, to cover that topic, I'm just generally terrified of anything living in MY body. I also find it absolutely disgusting to see a baby move from the outside. I will actually scream if I see this, and that is not an exaggeration. I'm afraid of maggots (larva in general, really) because I think they're just disgusting, and I once brought something in from outside and put it in my dresser (idr why), and one day I opened it and reached in for something just to find lots of little larva squirming around. That's when it started. Now, whale sharks: it's literally because of World of Warcraft, hahaha. There's an underwater zone in the game where they roam as boss enemies, and their mouths look so weird and are actually a bit toothy. Irl, they just have mouths that are just way too big for my comfort. I know they're entirely harmless, but still. If you could ask God (to atheists - IF there was one) one question, what? "Why." Why so much evil, pain, and unfairness. Briefly describe your family. Kinda broken, but still loving and try to stay close. Big "ohana" mood: everyone's loyalty is endless. Where do you stand on the death penalty? For it in extreme cases. Where do you stand on wearing fur? Disgusting and horribly morbid unless for survival purposes in cold climates. Could you kill somebody? In self-defense, yes. What are your political beliefs (anarchy, communism, democracy etc.)? I just say I'm Independent. My beliefs stretch over so many titles; plus, I'm not very educated on all types and what they entail. What, if anything, WOULD you sacrifice your life for? To save those I love most. How would your ideal partner look? *shoves picture of Mark Fischbach in ur face* Would you ever have an affair? Nope. I'm telling you: pick me or leave me be. I'm not a side-chick. Would you ever have a one night stand? Also no. What one thing would you change in this world (free Tibet, abolish Sweden)? Honestly... probably abolish all militaries. I do not in the least support war, and it's just... sad to know countries stand ready to kill the moment they "need" to. Distrust seems to make the world go 'round. Sure, a country may try to rebuild them in secrecy, but that's a preeeetty big thing to succeed in keeping under wraps. "But what if a terrorist or something rises?" I'm quite sure we could handle that without an full-on army. Maybe I'm not well-informed on this topic, but I've just never supported military presence. I WANT TO MAKE IT CLEAR AS DAY, I have endless respect for veterans and aspiring soldiers, because I DO understand the mentality of wanting to protect your home, but yeah. I just wish it wasn't a thing. Would you ever choose a career or job where your life was at risk? Nope. Do you have any famous relatives? Ancestors, yes, and I have a distant cousin who wrote a fantastic book, if that counts. Are you a loyal member of any organizations? No. Desired weight: At MOST 140. :/ I'd like to be closer to 120, but I'll take 140. What are your opinions on marijuana legalization? Legalize it, but treat it similarly to alcohol, like prohibiting driving high, obviously. What do you think about tipping at restaurants? Tip a minimum, and THEN increase according to service quality. Are you addicted to anything? Soda. Would you ever get back together with any of your exes? Yes. Never mind what gender you ARE, what gender do you WANT to be? I'm a female and content with that. Do you ever feel ashamed revealing your age? Yes, considering how behind I am in just being an adult. What does your parents call you? Generally just "Britt." Mom occasionally still calls me "Twinkie." ;-; Has anyone ever threatened you with a knife? Wow, no. Do you ever watch The Simpsons? No. What’s the last thing to make you scream? Truly scream, a mix of depression and anger. I screamed into my pillow. Do you play games with boys/girls, like ‘hard to get’? I'm an adult. I'm a tease in some romantic situations, but "hard to get" is definitely the wrong term.

#survey #surveys #questions

[phoebtcnkin]

tagged by: @nathaliekclley nicknames: half of my family calls me ‘cake’, the other half calls me ‘peanut butter’, and one lone aunt calls me ‘kayla corn’. i can’t even say i’m surprised they’re all food related.  zodiac: virgo sun, aries moon, gemini rising (although there’s some debate about my birth time. oh well.) height: 5′4″ hogwarts house: according to the test on that one website i’m a slytherin last thing i googled: i can’t remember which came first and which came second, but yesterday i p. much simultaneously reverse looked up a missed call on my phone (turns out it was the hospital) and i also typed here kitty kitty by jardine libaire into the address bar of my computer bc i was too lazy to pull up amazon directly and needed to buy it asap. favorite musicians: god. this is... varied. the 1975, the used, blackbear, carrie underwood, NF, chiodos, dustin lynch, lewis capaldi, underoath, hozier, thomas rhett, every time i die, eden, halsey, the menzingers, the plot in you, dan + shay, young the giant, and letlive. plus 2973237 others i’ve probably forgot or neglected to mention bc we ain’t got all day. song stuck in my head: lately it’s been a toss up between ‘just sign the papers’ by aaron west and the roaring twenties (eta: i NEED this for a plot. thnx.), and ‘am i here?’ by fever 333 following: 388 followers: 405 do i get asks: on rare occasions, but i’m notorious for habitually forgetting to ever check it + respond. sorry friends. i stg it’s not personal. i’m just a living, breathing, permanent mess who has the memory of a goldfish and the attention span of a 3 year old. amount of sleep: uhm. i don’t understand the question. lucky number: 3 (i was taken in by my family at 3 weeks old, officially adopted at 3 years, and it took 3 chance encounters for my fiance to finally ask for my name and number) outfit rn: my fave sweats that i bought at the harley dealership i used to work at and my fiance’s pittsburgh penguins tee. guess i went to bed nostalgic for home lol dream job: professional mermaid/napper/wine drinker/netflix binge watcher. beyond that? probably something in interior design/decorating or writing/publishing. i’m an indecisive mess of interests and desires. we know this.  dream trip: ireland and greece and australia and morocco  instruments: i got kicked out of 4th grade flute if that tells you anything. i like to pretend i can play all the drums, guitars, and saxophones laying around my house, though. does that count?  languages: english, whatever my brain sporadically remembers from grade school french + high school spanish, and ‘head, shoulders, knees and toes’ in japanese + numbers 1-10.  fav song: again, it’s a tie. ‘gum’ by moose blood and ‘gorgeous’ by mansionz + basically anything and everything else my fiance has ever randomly sent me/dedicated to me/or danced with me to at 3am.  random fact: my legit #1 fear in the entire world is worms and i bawled like a baby when michael proposed to holly on the office. aesthetic: a swirling tornado of coffee spills and chaos. but i guess lots of black, ripped jeans, plain tanks, and leather sandals are my go-to uniform if i’m not in the same sweatpants i’ve been wearing for 3 days straight. in terms of my house? i’m a mix of modern/minimalistic and bohemian vibes. i like clean and i like carefree and cozy.

tagging: @macherierps, @hilarydcff, @sammrps, @londonrphs, @anniematron, @rcleplayer, @dropsofautumn, and anyone else who wants to do it bc i’m out of time now lmfao

#about me

[aerisosweet]

Hiii Rosa - secret eanta is chiming in again 😊

Oh, i absolutely LOVE the Percy Jackson Series !! i hope you have fun reading the books! Rick Riordan has such a fun writing style and pulls amazing stories out of his sleeves - i enjoy his books a lot! 😁 Mythology has always been super interesting to me, so i just gotta ask: do you have a favourite god or aesthetic of a god? any mythology is fine actually, i'm really interested in all there is ^^

For winter activities, I am also more on the cozy side xDD sports have never really been fun to me but i love going ice skating! that's probably the only wintery sport i could do every day xDD But yes, snow and the warm Christmas lights are surely one of my favourite things during that time of the year too - somehow it makes the world seem calmer to me. For other winter or Christmas traditions, I actually only have one and it's baking with my grandma. we do it once a year before the first advent and make enough cookies to last us through the entire season, haha.

Oh and yes, i actually do have one song that is my exo-song-nemesis xD it's Run. i just... i just can't listen to it. i hear it and actively do not have a good time xDD but oh well, they have a lot of other songs that i more than love to make up for that. How about you? Is there any song that's just now up your alley?

And i just need to pick up on the Harry Potter topic again, because i totally wanna know what your favorite book and your hogwarts house is (i'm a Ravenclaw 🤭).

Ok, and lastly, one of the most basic questions ever - is there any colour or colour scheme/combination that you love to see a lot?

Until next time, Rosa - stay safe and healthy ♡

~secret santa 💫

Hi Secret Santa!

I just picked up the rest of the first series from the library! But I also bought my nephew a set so I’m waiting for him to finish the first book so I can start reading the second one. I actually really love Greek mythology the most and then Ancient Egyptian mythology/stories(?)! I used to know a lot about them. Funnily, I liked Dionysus, for some reason, I don’t even drink wine so it’s funnier now. But when I was reading the book, and his character came up, I was like IS THIS DIONYSUS? And sure enough it was! I can’t remember now, but must have been something when I was younger that got me super excited about it lol I was a huge book worm, my brother still calls me a nerd ^^;

I was just thinking about ice skating but I’m so scared to do it since I’m not that great. I like roller skating and rollerblading but ice skating is just a whole other level for me haha Awww baking is so wonderful, especially during the season!

I love Run! Hahaha I might be one of the few though from what I had seen over the years. But then again I did like EXO-M’s version more (Overdose album was all M for me) so I don’t listen to as much anymore these days ;_; I might get hate for this but honestly, Love Shot is one of my least favorite comeback/songs they’ve done. Don't get me wrong, if it shuffles/randomly plays, I will drop what I’m doing and “Na na na nana~” along but it’s not my to-go song. The MV was very nice and everything but it’s just not my style in terms of a song. Other than that, I can’t think of any other song, but I’m sure there’s more. Well, sadly, a lot (almost all) of Yixing’s solo songs aren’t my style, who up until recently, was my bias since 2013. I support him and buy the albums but I can’t listen to it a lot ;_; It’s probably why I started drifting to the other members. I love them all just, but sometimes their music isn’t my style ;______;

My favorite HP book is the Prisoner of Azkaban (so for me, I was disappointed with the movie because I felt it could have been a lot better) and then the Order of Phoenix (once again, so much was left out and made me sad like going to the hospital! THE HOSPITAL! They showed a scene with Arthur Weasley but that’s it! THAT’S IT! We learned so much about Neville too at that point). Like I didn’t really like Goblet of Fire much but they missed too much of the other storylines, like with the house-elves! I was like WINKY AND DOBY THOUGH!?! I’m a Hufflepuff! I was sad at first but when I read the letter that comes with sorting, I was like, Oh, yes, okay. I am a Hufflepuff haha And then Fantastic Beast came out with Newt being a Hufflepuff, I was like YAY! YES! What were your favorite books?

I think right now I like pastel-type colors! I started listing them, but let me add this:

Ask me a few years ago, it would be blue. Anything blue, so I think I've expanded!

Well, this has certainly been a long response, I think but thank you for messaging! This was fun :)

#SS 🎄2021 #exolssecretsanta '21 #reply

[herstarburststories]

There's always someone to love you ✘ Dark!Barry|Savitar Imagine ✘

✘ A/N: Hope you like it! Thanks for my beta, @lyss-91, as always ♡ And tumblr isn't letting my put the title, bleh.

✘ @lookclosernow's request: Savitar? Maybe you were his love and he wanted to destroy everything because after your happy life together you said that you didn't love him! (It's not try maybe it was your doppelgänger or smth) and I need flashback where you broke his heart ❤ And then when he is evil you came and said about your real feeling. And happy end! Thank you 😊

Beaches are cozy and clean, until people start throwing litter at them. Damaging it to the point of turning them into something completely unorganized, even dangerous.

People are like beaches. They come into the world completely pure, and some people throw dirt on them until end up with something bad.

That's what happened to Savitar.

He was a good man, he really was. Until everyone around him began to abandon him and treat him as a stranger, as a disposable, a mistake which shouldn't have even be committed.

Savitar's way of feeling could be explained, but never fully understood. He was a mistake on his own in the world. The people who claimed to love him discarded and replaced him, and Savitar sacrificed himself for them.

He was willing to die for them, and they killed him in the worst way possible.

"Bar— Savitar!" Savitar heard a familiar voice call. He turned around himself, waiting for you to approach him.

"Do you want to tell me I'm a mistake again?" Savitar said like a snake loosening its bitter venom.

"What the hell are you talking about!? What the fuck is your problem, anyway!?" You answered in frustration, almost catching how Savitar's eyes widened quickly and his eyebrow arched in surprise. "Seriously, holy shit. You've been doing this, these stupid puzzles and with... With missing the essential bits!" You normally didn't have a taste for using ugly words like this, maybe a fucking once or twice, but not like that; unless she was frustrated, sad or 100% angry. "From the day we met, you made these sadistic games, torturing each of us mentally until we discovered your identity. Well, your sadomasochistic game worked, we found out. But what's your problem with me? I've never hurt, Barry. I would never hurt, even in this alternative past where you came from." You sighed, running your hands through your hair and tossing them back in exasperation.

"I'd forgotten how dirty that cute little mouth of yours could be." Savitar replied simply, with a smirk painted on his lips. "Let me refresh your memory, you were even worse than Team Flash." He spoke the name with contempt, as if all your friends deserved the fate he had sealed for them. "You stayed with me just to break me even more, maybe I should kill you after Iris only for petulance against your god!" Savitar masked his fucked heart with his power, as he had learned long time ago.

"You're not a god!" You exclaimed and he approached you. His hand touched the skin of your cheek as if it were an ice sculpture, fragile and painful to the touch, and yet beautiful, so beautiful that it made that physical agony from touching worth it.

"I'll be one, and everyone will regret what they did to me." Savitar smiled like a madman, and all you could do was feel your heart beating with exaggerated speed inside your rib cage. You told yourself it was fear, even though your brain was pounding and screaming that it was not exactly that.

"What have I done to you?" You sighed, caught in the contact with those frighteningly comforting eyes, even with the aesthetic change.

"The worst thing a goddess could do to a god." Savitar answered as gently as was posible to him, and you could almost touch the pain in the syllables of his words. "You left me."

Savitar pulled away from you, and you knew he was getting ready to run and leave you with one more unanswered question, but you were done with it. It was time to understand what the hell was going on.

"Tell me everything, tell me every little thing I've done to make you hate me so much." Savitar, who had his back to you at that moment, finally turned to you. "Please."

"Hey, babe." Savitar, still Barry, said when he heard a noise in the front door, avoiding to turn to give a smile to his girlfriend. The way his face was still kept him insecure, even with (Y/N) saying that he was still as beautiful as ever to her. Barry did not even understand how she could kiss him, smile at him, caress him and fuck with him, all those normal couple things. When they went outside, Barry could feel their eyes on him, judging, belittling, utterly angry. He had to admit that he understood these people, no matter how miserable that left his emotional, Barry was disgusted with himself, too. And the only person in the world who could make him see the beauty in himself was you, the love of his life, the moon of his sky. The only person who crossed her arms and kicked her feet when he said he was thinking of doing plastic surgery, because you knew how dangerous it could be, that he could catch an infection or something, and you preferred him alive than in a hospital bed sick, fighthing for his own life. Besides being beautiful, even with the scar, you always said. "So I've been researching and..." But it was still difficult for him to deal with himself every morning. "I found a plastic clinic in Keystone. It's not very expensive and it's new, but it has several people with positive results." A anormal sound at your apartamemt was heard, and Barry almost frowned at it, you hated high heels because they left your feet aching, weird you wear them in Monday morning. He didn't think much about it, maybe you just woke up and wanted to wear high heels.

You finally got yourself into his gaze, generating confusion in his head. Did you mention that you were going to dye your hair? Not that you needed to say everything you were going to do, of course, but that was strange, especially because of the clothes that were completely contrary to your style, you looked like a villain from a 60s' movie.

Althrough the worst thing was the look you gave to him: surprised, and yet, as if you were disgusted with what was seeing. You've never looked at him that way, like Team Flash and the people on the street. That was the first crack in his heart that day.

"Your hair looks beautiful." He praised it because it was true and he should just be paranoid again.

"I know." The coldness in your voice was worse than Killer Frost's ice kiss. And your cheeks were not blushed with his praise? And without a small smile or a quick peck on his lips? You did even look like yourself. And it was paranoia and anxiety or you were staring at the burn on his face so far? Anyway, those factors together formed the recipe for Barry to look away, suddenly embarrassed of himself.

"I know you don't want me to do plastic surgery because of the risks, bu..." Barry continued, trying to shift to a subject in which he had been trying to get your support for weeks.

"Risks?"

"I know, it's more than risk, I promise I heard what you said. I can get an infection, the surgery can go wrong and my face get deformed, but..." Your giggle, in fact, laugh, stopped his mouth. He looked at you in confusion, your eyes were almost crying of that hard laughing.

"I don't know if you looked at yourself in the mirror recently, but you're completely screwed. How come you live knowing your face is like this? You don't go outside, do you? I'm just saying, people can get annoyed by... this lil problem." She rolled her eyes. "It's disgusting, really. How could I love you?" Again, the snow-like smile graced her red lips, and her coldness was transferred to her own words. "Breaking news, I never loved you. If you'll excuse me, I have to go home."

Barry couldn't walk, breathe or talk for at least fifteen minutes after you left. How could you say those things to him? You had been the only anchor which kept him from plunging into the darkness of pain for so long, and now you just drowned him there.

It took a while for Barry to notice that there were tears coming out of his eyes and touching his burn, causing an immeasurable pain, but he could not get the salt water off his face. His whole body trembled, Barry tried to breathe, althorugh it seemed almost impossible. It was like those panic attacks he had a few times when he was a kid after his mother was murdered.

Barry's condition was deplorable, and he couldn't help himself. He tried to get up, run, scream, yet he just fell to the ground, one act that the speedster considered like a human weakness. Barry gave up fighting and gave himself that moment, only his sobs were heard as his body was agonizing on the floor.

You, the moon of his night, thought he was disgusting.

And the light was completely erased.

Savitar stared at the floor, didn't feel right to talk about that moment with anyone, especially the being that had caused it in him, but the god's speed just couldn't really say no to the only that had the remaining pieces of the stone that was once his heart.

"Oh, Lord." You said in shock, your eyes wet with his truth, it was painful just thinking. "I... It was not me." You finally managed to say the words that were struggling to get out of your throat a few minutes ago.

"It was you, even if you do not remember it." Savitar snapped back, ready to leave you again.

"It was not me." You sniffed and he took a step forward, a little further from you, and it smashed your heart, and the confirmation of you having helped him to have his soulbroken worsened the sensation in your chest. "I ... I remember this version of me. Not of this reality, of course, but from the past that I remember, this one was a duplicate from another earth, sent to kill The Flash. But she was a sadistic little bitch and screwed the whole team's life before we get her." You explained, and Savitar didn't answer. "You... Did you get those memories of Barry? Of that me?"

"I did, but it was after I became who I am. I denied all the memories that involved you, didn't want to think about things related that day.I did not think... "

"That there really was someone who loved you? Someone who would never leave you or hurt you like this?" You took a step forward, insecure but determined. The old popular saying that your mother used to say hammering in your guts: go, and if you're afraid, you're keep going. "I'm still here." You put a hand on his shoulder gently, and Savitar turned to you. You could finally see the vulnerability spreading all over his face and body. You put your hand on his scar, trying to show that you were not angry. You loved every bit of him, even if he hated it, especially when he hated it. "I still love you." You made the confirmation of your suffering as gently as you could, and you received your reward as he closed his eyes and leaned unconsciously toward you. You gave a warm smile, the hope was still there. "It's not too late."

Because you always knew that people were like beaches, and that beaches could be completely detonated. But its beauty would always be hidden behind the horrible things they've been through, and with the right work... They could shine again.

#imagine barry allen #barry allen imagines #barry allen imagine #barry allen x reader #earth 2 barry allen x reader #barry allen #barry allen x you #earth 2 barry allen #earth 2 barry allen imagines #the flash x reader #imagine the flash #grant gustin the flash #the flash imagine #the flash imagines #the flash x you #the flash #imagine grant gustin #grant gustin imagines #grant gustin #grant gustin imagine #grant gustin x reader #grant gustin x you #evil!barry x reader #dark!barry x reader #dark!barry x you #savitar x you #savitar imagines #savitar x reader #imagine savitar #savitar imagine

[holdon-a-minute]

As Time Repeats

Chapter I

A New World

*Present Day*

Shuffling feet, deep laughs, screeching brakes, choirs of songbird, pieces of conversation...each adding to create the loud bustle that loafs through the street. Listening. She slowly raises her eyelids, to only be greeted by the soft morning sun welcoming each body with its warmth.

Shining smiles, trees of chartreuse, paves of stone grey, breeze-caught hair...all merging together to paint one picturesque scene. Watching. She rests back onto the wooden public bench, controlled deep breaths escaping through her button nose.

Mature parfum, strong mowed grass, golden-baked delicacies, polluting fumes, freshly ground coffee beans...scents of good and bad are to be known everywhere you turn. Inhaling.

Now comes feel.

"Ugh..." Renae lets out an exasperated breath in defeat, sitting her elbows on her spread knees and burying her face deep in her dry palms. She tightly traps her airways, holding her breath as the tears threaten to spill from her eyes once again, before she stops herself and forces the words off her tongue, "I do not want to feel this way." She may not be happy now, she thinks to herself, but this is the start of a new beginning. And at new beginnings there is always hope. "Be optimistic..!" she whispers to herself, but Renae knows better than anyone that it's hardest to keep up with your new start when you didn't even want it in the first place.

Standing from the bench, she turns her judging eyes away from the classy lady who had tried to sit down beside her, and soppily strolls down the direction of her destination. Renae pushes herself past—fitted in her signature style of a soft fabric zip-hoodie and a dark leather jacket layered on top—determined to get through the swarm of bodies and make it back to her quiet house quickly. She wanders through Paris as if she's known it all her life now; the street of shops damp and dewy. Wind whistles through her raw ears as they heed the leftover rain that pitter-patters through gutters, down drain pipes and into the city grids.

The screeching, beeping of a pedestrian crossing makes a deafening echo as Renae and a huddle of rushing people cross the cobbled road, instantly zooming her back into focus of reality. Walking through the avenues of France you can smell dozens of different scents everywhere and anywhere. But Renae's favourite of all, she's come to realise, is the trace of a gingerbread man that runs past her. Every time, he calls out, and every time she ends up chasing him to Mr Baker's Bakery. Mmm, the bakery. This is where the baker she's come to know torments everybody with his luscious pies and pastries sitting on display in the window. And when he opens his huge oven door every day, religiously at 10:30, the whole road is filled with the most sensational smell of freshly baked bread rolls.

When her leg starts to vibrate, she reaches into her pocket and answers the person calling, "Hello."

"Ren, how come you're not home yet? You're going to be late."

"I'm on my way now Alice, and I've got half an hour yet. That's plenty of time to get ready."

"Well have you had any lunch yet? You can't go on an empty stomach your nerves will get the better of you."

Renae chuckles, "I'm not that nervous Al, I'll just eat an apple or something on the way there."

"An apple? Alright then, whatever suits you, I'm not going to argue with you on this important day now am I?"

"No, and I shouldn't think so," she teases as a smile plays at her lips and Renae rounds the corner. "Right, I'm round the corner now I'll be two minutes."

"Okay hun, see you in a minute. Bye."

"Bye!"

Renae was now in the neighborhood, the rush of the street of shops (as Renae and Alice call it) now gone, giving way to the open and tranquility of her housing estate. She loves her short over-the-phone conversations with Alice. They always play quite amusingly, and never fail to reveal their bond of trust, love and laughs.

She swings into the hallway of her home, and is almost immediately greeted with a "Hello!" coming from another unlocated room of the two-bed house, as usual. She shouts back a 'Hi!" and rushes upstairs, dodging another of her Aunty Alice's extremely energetic speeches that are supposed to be the best motivator out there. She changes into something a bit more formal, touching up her makeup as she passes the standing mirror, fills her faux leather bag with almost everything from her desk (just in case), picks up an apple and heads back out onto the street, where her taxi is conveniently waiting.

"Good luck!" Alice wails as she watches her niece drive straight into the fate of adulthood.

~~~~

*Ding-a-ling*

Renae steps through the old brown door and enters the café she hopes to call a workplace sometime soon. The space is fairly large considering its compact look from the outside, and it is so beautiful—everything the young photographer in the corner would need for his aesthetically pleasing Instagram page. She lets the soft, welcoming atmosphere envelop her whole as she strolls deeper into the intricate café, the warmth of brewing tea, the fresh scent of lavender, the ancient bookcase lining the wall, the smokey smell of lit candles, the dark brown wooden furniture, all making Renae feel as cozy as you can be in a Paris café. The building has an aged, withering feel, but the dozens of lush green plants dangling from ceiling to floor brought the life back into the room quickly; the pop of bright emerald managing to spark the creativity into any person who might pass through.

She finds her way to the counter, and politely addresses the waitress. "Hi, I'm here for a job interview with the owner. My name's Renae Cruzette, I rang a few days ago."

"Oh chéri, that would be me," the woman speaks in perfect English, but with a French roll to her tongue, "Come with me and we'll have a seat. Would you like some tea?"

"Green tea would be nice, thanks," Renae replies and finds a small round table for two to sit down.

"I'm Clemence Rosher—founder, owner—of this place, as you will already know."

Renae smiles and does a little laugh, "It's nice to meet you Clemence." The two shake hands as the bleach-blonde woman passes Renae a steaming mug of green tea, the teabag still left in of course.

"Yes and you are Renae Cruzette, you said?"

"Mhm." Renae was waiting for the traffic of questions to come along and preparing herself not to get stuck or lost in them, but they never did, and she finds herself feeling utterly relaxed with the welcoming woman before her.

"So, let's get down to business yes? Why are you here today?"

"I'm looking for a first job actually, and when I heard you were hiring it seemed perfect, because I don't live too far from here and I love baking every now and then, as well as being creative with coffee art. I'm quite the artistic person, you see."

"Good good. That's what I like to hear," Clemence looks into Renae's eyes and gives a shining bright smile, "So are you willing to give your all into this job? I need someone new, someone fresh who will put a part of their soul into my café. I need perseverance, a respectful and capable person. Why would I choose you?"

"I am all of those things and more Miss."

"Madame," she interrupts.

"Right, sorry Madame."

"Who always comes first in my business?"

"The customer does, always!" Renae eagerly answers after not understanding the question for a few seconds.

"Are you good with mathematics? Can you quickly count change?"

"Yes, I graded a nine in my GCSE when I lived in England."

"In England you say? I thought you had a different accent chéri!"

"Yeah I just recently moved here actually."

"Tell me a bit about that then. Why did you move, are you here permanently?" Clemence curiously asks.

"I think I'll be staying here for a good few years now until I have the money to move out and go back to Britain. I've always lived with my Aunty, ever since I was a baby. My parents have never been around, I don't even remember my mother's face, but my Aunty Alice got a promotion, so we had to move here."

"Oh chéri that must be terrible for you, not even knowing your parents!"

"It's fine really! I love Alice so much, she's always been there for me and I respect her with all my heart for deciding to take me in, but she never took the opportunity to become my mother. She's always been my aunty and kept the truth at bay about my parents."

"I see, so is she your true biological aunt then?"

"Yes! She's my father's sister."

"Oh she must be so very brave then, I admire her strength taking in just a child!"

"I do too. You know she is French as well, so it was a delight to her when the company said she'd be moving to their Paris branch. She took me in when she was just eighteen, and we both went to England so she could finish university. It was very stressful for her, and I am so greatful for her determination to not only provide a steady life for herself, but for a child that wasn't even her own too!"

*Snap*

"Yes she sounds like an amazing woman! So how old are you now then?"

"Seventeen."

*Snap*  The photographer guy's camera clicks away

"When would you be willing to start? I'd have to give you some training first of course, but it'd be nothing major."

"As soon as possible Clemence!"

"Okay then how about I give you a call next Monday when I'm ready for you to come down? I have meetings and all sorts until then."

*Snap*

*Snap*

"Perfect, thank you so much!"

"Oh no worries, I have great expectations of you," and she give Renae a wink as they stand and part ways, Renae not knowing yet that it'd be the last time she speaks to the friendly woman who owns a café.

*Snap*

~~~~

Five days later.

"Alice, she still hasn't rang me after three days!" Renae bursts as she storms into the kitchen. A series of transparent patio doors line the back wall of the completely white kitchen, the only colour of the room being the numbers of herbs scattered along the windowsills and the grey laminate flooring below. It reminds Renae of a hospital, and she would very much like to hand some paintings on the walls and colourful flowers, nevertheless it's still comfortable to be in when you've got Alice as company.

"She probably just forgot, don't stress," Alice reassures her.

"I saw her write it in her diary! And she definitely said that she was going to employ me. It's getting ridiculous! Even if she did change her mind about me, a little text to apologise wouldn't hurt!"

"I know, she shouldn't have left you hanging like that, that is very unprofessional," Alice speaks in such a wise, calming manner.

"I really would've liked that job as well," she says saddened now, "It would've met all my needs of a simple first job, but one that I would still enjoy and be easy to settle into."

"I know Ren, but you can't just sit here sulking about it, why don't you go back there and see what's going on with this woman—for your own sake at least."

"What if I make it more awkward though?"

"You won't. You're only going to politely ask when you're going to be set for some training, because you've got other things you need to attend and you can't keep having it delayed or being left in the dark."

"I suppose..."

"Come on, it's not fair on you that she's done this, so go and change out of that old hoodie and get down there standing loud and proud!"

"Okay, thanks Al," and Renae gives her understanding Aunty a bear hug, then rushes upstairs to prepare herself to face Clemence again.

~~~~

The moment she steps out of the front door, an ear-splitting ring starts to sound in Renae's earlobes and an eye-aching migraine begins to crawl into her mind. She should just brush it off, but not matter how hard she tries, Renae just can't shake the bad feeling that drops to the pit of her stomach and the butterflies that flutter up and get lodged in her throat. Renae steadies herself on the doorway for a second, closing her eyes to ease the pounding in her head. She takes a shaky breath in through her nose and out through her mouth, and pushes aside this feeling, ready to take on her plan of action.

Her taxi ride seems to drag on for hours in the stuffy, cramped backseat, the breeze of the day barely noticeable even with the car windows all open. The heat is almost unbearable. Renae can't understand if it's anxiety (which she's never experienced before), or an illness she's suddenly caught that's making her feel this way, but something isn't sitting right in her flesh and bones. Due to the long, unmoving queue of vehicles, Renae decides to just pay the taxi driver now and walk down the rest of the way where café stood stunningly at the end of the road.

She looks about her to see that everyone is busy trying to get to places, and as she strolls further down the street she notices that she's come to a hidden alleyway, "Millbreury Lane, hm." Given her situation and the want to avoid it completely, Renae roams down the alleyway of tall, old-fashioned buildings taking her time to observe her exquisite surroundings.

Right along the bottom of the attached buildings are stores, and they are magnificent to the eye: cafés sit with intricate metal tables and chairs outside; hanging baskets spread throughout are filled with the most colourful, delicate flowers; antique shops showcase their treasures in the wide window each store possesses; and the cobbled floor beneath glows and sparkles as the afternoon sun shines down on the moist puddles and excess rain.

*Chuchak*

Renae stands still. So impossibly still.

The beautiful antique alleyway seems to disappear around her in slow motion as Renae is sucked back into reality and her eyes are met with metal.

Thick, cold, silver-grey metal.

Pointed at her forehead, in-between her eyes, is a slick handgun. For a while she cannot see the person whose hand is slid around the trigger, nor the group of men accompanying them. For a while, it was just her and the weapon, playing a dangerous game in a little world of their own—the opponent not even alive but still taking the lead and winning the girl over completely. She cannot break her eyes away from the metal in front of her, and the hand-held violence cannot take its eyes off Renae.

She feels frozen in her place, barely able to breathe, as the gun wielder speaks, "Oh chéri," before smacking Renae over the side of her head with the loaded gun.

All soon went black.

[katzenjammeruniverse]

Sunday, January 6, 2019 - The Feast of the Epiphany

In college, I spent many of my spring breaks visiting my older brother in the expansive red rock and sheer sublimity of southern Utah. If you ever have traveled outside the bustle of urban living, away from populated areas, you all know the remarkable experience of seeing the night sky. The further you go, in this case, the isolated areas of Utah’s desert life, away from light pollution, you are in fact able to see the stars clear as day in the stark sky of the glorious west. It is often in these moments, while taking rest and in the silence of the night, that we hear or in this case see God’s beauty in his own creation. It propels the mind the see and experience those “wow” moments of objective beauty, much in the same way the Magi were overjoyed in seeing the star.

Today we are all called to take a moment to find God’s light in our everyday life. The Epiphany story reminds me of the aesthetical craft of film.  In photography, light is the crucial element. In most cases it is what makes or breaks a shot. As an artist you are constantly studying it’s ever presence. How it looks, feels, moves. You chase it, you wait for it, you help it, and you work with it. On a film set, the cinematographer is shaping that light, often producing the source for an actor to walk into. It is then the actor’s role to “find their light” and once they have found it, to stay there, and play out the scene. It is not always an easy task for an actor to remember both their que, their line, and also the presence of the light they must find. Yet, a director guides them, and of course they can choose how well they will listen, but in the end, the best takes, and the most successful stories occur, when there is a two way understanding in this dance of film.  

God does the same for us. He presents his light. However, we have to be ready to look for it, ready to chase it, to help it, and to work with it. We have to be ready to turn our eyes, our ears, and our mouth to the Lord. Sometimes the light seems shiny, like that of meteor. It blazes momentarily and then fades away. So it is with success, money, career, and material pleasures. However, in the mass, in the eucharist, in adoration, in our vocation, we are called to “find our light” in the right relationship to God, to listen and look for his presence.

It is then that we too must set out and persevere on the journey. The wise men stopped in Jerusalem, looking for the newborn king. They set out, as we too need to be encouraged to set out. Whether that means going to church, visiting a homeless population, a hospital, a prison, being present at home, among our own family, living out our vocation, sanctifying our job. Often it means going to the place that is not warm and cozy. It is getting on your knees to enter the cave where the manger sits. Hitting the cultural wall, yet continuing to climb.

When we make it there we bring the gifts God has bestowed in our lives. You all have gifts that God has plans for you to give to this world. We are at the start of a new year. Invenire lux. Invenire lux. Invenire lux. Let us all set out and find our light.

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The T List: Five Things We Recommend This Week

Welcome to the T List, a newsletter from the editors of T Magazine. Each week, we’re sharing things we’re eating, wearing, listening to or coveting now. Sign up here to find us in your inbox every Wednesday. You can always reach us at [email protected].

See This

One Painter’s Portrayal of Blackness

In a rather short period of time, Jordan Casteel has become one of the most interesting painters of her generation, working predominantly in the medium of portraiture. Casteel’s subjects are people of color — neighbors in Harlem, where she lives, or her students at Rutgers University, Newark, where she teaches — and they are rendered with a kind of beautiful vulnerability that is both honest and rare. Her work, which is now on view at the New Museum, Casteel’s first solo museum exhibition in New York, is something like the vibrancy of Matisse filtered through the intensity of Alice Neel. Her 2013-14 series of nudes of young black men, called “Visible Man,” is especially striking, with its use of greens, pinks, oranges and reds, all in the service of expanding upon a painterly definition of blackness. “I’m going to paint black men as I see and know them,” she recently told The Times about her artistic intention. “I wanted to get other people to see them in their humanity.” “Jordan Casteel: Within Reach,” is open through May 24 at the New Museum, 235 Bowery, New York, newmuseum.org. And for more, watch Casteel discuss her favorite artwork and the affinity she feels for its creator.

Eat This

In Maine, a Cozy New Restaurant With a Haunted Past

Greg Mitchell is best known as the co-owner of the retro Palace Diner in Biddeford, Maine. But last year, the proprietor launched his first solo act, Flood’s, in Portland. The restaurant is attached to the city’s Francis hotel, a 19th-century mansion by the architect Francis Fassett — who designed many Portland buildings after the area’s great fire of 1886 — that has also served as a funeral parlor. When it came to design, Mitchell mixed contemporary elements with nostalgic ones that pay homage to the building’s past: Alongside a still-life photograph by his wife, Meg Mitchell, of knafeh (a Palestinian dessert) are old maritime paintings, found family snapshots and other flea-market knickknacks that take on a new mythology in the tavern-style space. Like Palace, Flood’s offers creative comfort food like juicy burgers and pancetta toast with apple butter, as well as a laid-back environment personified by several unofficial and irreverent mascots from the minds of the Atlanta-based design and consulting group Office of Brothers, Inc., such as a beanie-wearing, cigarette-smoking fish. “I’m not in the business of challenging people with my space or my food,” Mitchell told me. Rather, Flood’s is about feeling like you’re a regular. floodsme.com.

Though I can’t speak to the fit, I can still remember the first white button-down I purchased (on sale at the mall) with my own money and the feeling that it would add a great deal of sophistication to my sixth-grade aesthetic. Pierpaolo Piccioli’s use of crisp shirting is, it turns out, even more elevated: The Valentino creative director has included various nods to the classic white shirt in his last few couture collections. Now, thanks to the fashion house’s Le Blanc pop-up, debuting at its New York flagship next week (before making stops in Los Angeles and Dallas), mere mortals can get a taste of the bespoke experience. Shoppers will choose between two basic shirt styles in white poplin, one longish and one cropped, and then work with a seamstress to customize the piece as they please, which might mean adding a bib, ruffles, floral embroidery, a feather detail or white-on-white monogramming. The idea, as Piccioli often says, is to bring couture to the streets. Through Feb. 28, 693 Fifth Avenue, valentino.com.

Visit This

A Sustainably Designed Hotel Over the Kalahari Desert

Habitas, the experience-led members club and eco-hospitality group, recently closed its clubhouses in New York and Los Angeles to focus on building hotels for its community of wanderlusting millennials. The brand’s two-year-old flagship sits on a beach in Tulum, Mexico, and, while other locations are planned for San Miguel de Allende and Todos Santos, its first outpost opened earlier this month in Namibia. A 45-minute drive from Hosea Kutako International Airport, the brand’s take on a safari lodge has 15 sustainably designed suites — each a modular, 3-D-printed mini-lodge filled with custom furnishings and local crafts — and a private villa that sleeps 10. It all sits on a hilltop that overlooks the Kalahari Desert savanna, some 119,000 acres of which Habitas is recultivating as a wildlife reserve. Guests can explore by Land Cruiser, electric mountain bike or on foot with San tribesmen as their guides. They might also help an anti-poaching unit track cheetahs and rhinos, forage indigenous plants for spa treatments and medicinal workshops or go for an outdoor sound bath before heading back for a communal “bush braai” dinner and a drum circle (or DJ set) under the stars. habitasnamibia.com.

The beauty industry is becoming more attuned to the unnecessary waste produced by packaging, and one of its latest eco-friendly measures is concentrating soaps and dental care in dissolvable tablets — which also saves cabinet space. “Many conventional formulas are over 90 percent water and come in bulky, single-use plastic bottles, so consumers are often paying for a new plastic bottle and water, which they already have at home,” explained Sarah Paiji Yoo, the co-founder and C.E.O. of the environmentally minded start-up Blueland, which makes several such tablets, including one for a foaming hand soap. There’s also the New York-based personal-care brand By Humankind, which has created a pill-size, alcohol-free mouthwash that, as of next week, comes in candy-colored ginger, mint-lemon and peppermint. The California-based dental-care brand Weldental, meanwhile, offers a gentle toothpaste tab containing Xylitol, a natural sweetener that helps prevent tooth decay, that activates into a paste upon chewing. Aside from the environmental benefits, watching these compact items fizz into full-fledged products will add a bit of excitement to your daily routine.

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Drop Pin • Chicago's Coffeeshops & Cafes

Years ago, back in 2012 or so, when I was first getting my bearings as a writer in the scene I often found myself hugely broke. Unwilling to take a 9-5 exit, I often found myself hacking into freelance pieces for various sites and outlets while working from home or the best alternative. Most often, that alternative was a coffeeshop and in the months and years since those experiences of hopping from one caffeine outlet to the next resulted in a largely useless knowledge of some of the best spots to grab a cup almost anywhere in the city. I definitely don't claim to know them all, I'm sure there's a bearded dude with a top-bun in Logan Square that's more cultured, but this is what we think are the best places to get your fix around the city.

Cafe Mustache

Cafe Mustache holds a distinctly special place in my heart. One of the first coffee spots I found myself going to regularly, the original spot at 2313 N. Milwaukee has been a mainstay for years. Between 2012 and 2015 you'd be hard-pressed to find me anywhere else, often making good on the bottomless cup of coffee served in a kitchy mug that would last me from the morning well into the afternoon hours. Recently, it's grown to include a bar and ample entertainment space which is welcome, but has seemed to lose some of the intimacy of the original space. While not the best for much more than coffee, they serve Bridgeport and have some of the best aesthetics Logan Square can offer. Perfect for getting lost in a book on a rainy Fall day.

New Wave Coffee

A mainstay along Milwaukee Ave in Logan Square, New Wave Coffee is admittedly a hit & miss spot depending on the day and time. Despite that, the cafe setting, assortment of seating options and diverse menu that offers sandwiches as well as coffee make it the perfect spot to settle in for a long afternoon to get some real work done. With communal areas it also allows for a welcome meeting space if needed. For me, it would always served as a perfect stop-over to grab a quick bite to eat and a large coffee, my favorite sandwich being the 'Caddyshack' which I can't attest to still being on the menu. Careful in the winter, anywhere near the doors will keep you in a perpetual chill so make sure to find a spot tucked away.

Gaslight Coffee Roasters

While Gaslight may have served as the initial nose-up-hipster hot spot in Logan Square, the spot couldn't be more centrally-located at the corner of Fullerton and Milwaukee and definitely knows a thing or two about their coffee. True to their name, Gaslight roasts their own beans and is hands-on with just about every step of the process, a true coffee-lover's type of cafe. It can be tricky to catch a table or spot to sit so be sure to take a look around before ordering, the bar to the left of the cash registers is actually a fairly cozy catch, offering service while seated. I used to celebrate the end of big stories with their 'Big Hoss' sandwich, a marvel of a bagel sandwich with turkey, jalapenos and god knows what else. Alas, I don't remember seeing it on the menu last time I was through.

Filter Cafe

While Wicker Park may not be the center of creativity it built its name on in the 90s, there are still plenty of solid places to settle in for a cup and some solid work. Among those options, Filter offers the most hospitable setting from which to do your thing. With a full kitchen and living-room feel with plenty of room, it has just about anything you can ask for. Alas, you are in Wicker so time your stops in around the newfound locale depending on the vibe you're looking to achieve. Located ideally between the six corners and Division, it serves as a perfect stop over to bang out a quick blog post or sit down for an interview. They also run tabs if you're trying to avoid the .50 credit card charge.

Star Lounge Coffee Bar

Star Lounge is a gem that sits just off the 'coffee highway' I've assembled here. It's inclusion is necessary though, as it serves as one of the best spots anywhere in the city to get a cup of coffee. They may have taken down the iconic Star Lounge sign, it can now be seen inside, the cafe has maintained a cosistently cozy vibe, with a porch for the summer months, an actual bar to sit at if you're in the mood and an upstairs that offers plenty of room to stretch out. Best tip? Try to grab the spot on the second floor by the window, it's one of the best seats in town. It's also right across the street from Soundscape Studios and has proven a reliable place to camp out if you're early for a session or meeting.

Sip Coffee House

Sip is certianly not the sexiest coffeeshop on this list, but it is certainly one of the most reliable. Tucked away in a residential-looking blue building on Grand Ave, Sip has been a mainstay on my treks across the city for many years now. The main reason? Their yogurt parfaits. Often on a short budget and somewhat health-conscious, eating muffins, bagels and sandwiches all day started making the biking tough and Sip somehow has perfected the parfait which pairs perfectly with this amazing toffee muffin they offer. They also have an excellent reclining chair near the stairs, one of my favorite single spots in town, a quiet upstairs that can be easily overlooked and a pair of patios that make it one of the few places to grab a cup in the summer and enjoy the weather while getting some work done. The family-owned shop also is never without a smile. 

Sawada Coffee

A newcomer to Chicago and the country at-large, Sawada is an interesting escape from your everyday cup of coffee. The first U.S. location of world-renowned coffee connouisseur Hirsoshi Sawada offers a new take on some favorites while introducing new ideas set amongst a very cool industrial build-out in the bustling West Loop. The first noticeable thing about Sawada is their use of green tea-based Matcha, especially in their ever popular Military Latte which is well-paired with the Camoflage doughut provided courtesy of Doughnut Vault. In a quickly-changing neighborhood with spots like Starbucks and Colombe just around the corner, Sawada is a nice escape from the mundane. Careful on the weekends, the new West Loopers often line up out the door.

Kristoffer's Cafe & Bakery

I discovered Kristoffer's Cafe when I moved to Pilsen back in 2015 and since then it has become one of my favorite places in the whole city. The no-frills, family-owned stop is as reliable as it is endearing, allowing for a quiet spot along Halsted to get an array of coffee drinks from an Americano to the surprising Horchata Latte. The staff there is as friendly as can be and it's a real gem, tucked away right on the corner of 18th street and Halsted. Go a couple times and the Kristoffer's team will invariably pre-empt your next order. While Jumping Bean and La Catrina down the way are reliable as well, Kristoffer's possesses a sort of quaint modesty as well as awards for some of the best Tres Leches cake in town. Tip? Try to get the spot in the window up front. 

Bridgeport Coffehouse

Ah, good old Bridgeport Coffeehouse. The no-frills Bridgeport mainstay on the corner of Morgan and 31st has been a solid decision for as long as I can remember and a perfect stop-in for the stories that took me a bt further south than Pilsen. A great variety of options, a friendly staff and a true neighborhood feel makes this one feel like you're right at home. Also, they roast their own beans, and also provide Cafe Mustache with theirs, so you know it's real. 

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