#I think it’s not even really just my ability to not care but more my ability to just come to a conclusion

[cripplecharacters]

Hi there! I'm working on a modern supernatural story, and I've got a side character (the main character's best friend) who deals with chronic fatigue syndrome. He's a sweet, goofy, confident guy, and he has friends who are happy to change plans to accommodate him when he has flare-ups. They'll also help him out with chores or errands when he needs, with his consent. Naturally he gets bummed about his condition from time to time, but he's accepted that it's how he lives and with the help of therapy he's found ways to manage it. He also has plenty of hobbies and interests and grievances outside of his condition.

My question is this: I have a side-plot where the characters learn that a vampire has been feeding off him for weeks without his knowing, most likely using some kind of hypnotism. I'm wondering if the effects of consistent blood loss - fatigue, headaches, dizziness, etc - could reasonably be chalked up to a particularly bad CFS flare-up. Or would that be something where it's more likely he would notice the difference in severity of his symptoms and realize something else was wrong? Assuming the vampire can heal up any bite marks he leaves.

For the sake of clarity, he's had CFS most of his life and I'm taking care to avoid implying that it has anything to do with the vampire attacks. I'm just wondering if his symptoms would help hide the feedings or not.

Thank you!

The short answer: absolutely yes, this seems like it could be chalked up to a bad flare-up.

The long answer: I'm going to use the CDC's description of CFS/ME to lay out pretty exactly why it would work for both you and anyone wondering why exactly it would work.

A list of symptoms from the CDC has 3 core and 2 that you only need 1 out of 2 symptoms to have CFS.

Core: Lowered ability to do usual activities due to fatigue [that is not relieved by sleep/rest] that wouldn't have been an issue before illness

Core: Post-exertional malaise (PEM), which is a worsening of symptoms after physical or mental activity that wouldn't have been an issue before illness. Often described as a 'crash' and can include feeling dizzy, having difficulty thinking, headaches, or feeling ill. It can take days, months, or longer to recover from a crash and it's hard to predict how long a crash will last or what will cause it.

Core: Sleeping problesms; even a full night's sleep doesn't help symptoms much and might not help at all. Might have trouble falling or staying asleep.

Other: Problems with thinking and memory, like 'brain fog' or slowed thinking or trouble remembering things or paying attention.

Other: Orthostatic intolerance, meaning that symptoms can get worse while standing up. This can make people feel lightheaded, dizzy, weak or even faint.

I've bolded the symptoms on the list that match your stated symptoms of vampiric blood loss: "fatigue, headaches, dizziness, etc." and as you can see they match up pretty exactly!

Your character could perhaps do something that required a decent amount of mental or physical extertion, and perhaps it did or didn't cause a crash but at around the same time the vampire could have started to feed off of him. This might seem to prolong the 'crash' and your character might not think twice about it, just realize that they're feeling pretty miserable in a way not unknown to them.

I hope this helped!

PS, I really enjoy modern supernatural stories, and if you ever feel like sharing it I'd love to read this.

— Mod Sparrow

#chronic illness representation #chronic fatigue representation #mod sparrow #fantasy setting #anonymous

[callmearcturus]

thoughts on OMITB

yeah my family mainlined the entirety of Only Murders in the Building (3 ten-episode seasons) and I have thoughts and its my blog

This show had SO MUCH AGAINST IT from the onset. I'm too old to have seen Selena Gomez's run as a teenage actor. Worse, I have never in my life found Martin Short or Steve Martin funny. I truly mean that, I have never understood the appeal and eventually just assumed they were part of the early SNL school of comedy, i.e. only every fifth joke lands.

AND THEN ON TOP OF THAT this is gonna sound ridiculous but I didn't know the premise of the show was literally and actually "three people bond over their love of True Crime Podcasts and then decide to start their own podcast about a murder in their apartment building"

I had no idea that was the pitch

I fucking hate True Crime as a genre. I am one of those people who think its a deeply dehumanizing and unethical from top to bottom. so an ENTIRE SHOW about three huge enthusiasts who then make their own?

The deck could not have been more stacked against this fucking show.

AND I DO HAVE SOME COMPLAINTS ABOUT THE SHOW. Let me get those out of the way:

god the cameos make me roll my eyes out of my head. i do not get a thrill out of people playing themselves. I find it super false and annoying. (exception: okay Sting was funny bc he hates dogs and was a legitimate suspect for the murder for like five minutes, lmao)

some of the jokes in the show have a "please clap" vibe to them, and no i will not clap. be funny or gimme more fun character drama.

is that it???

oh yeah a big one: Oliver not being bisexual is so fucking baffling and I just do not buy it.

OKAY BACK TO WHY I LOVE THIS FUCKING SHOW

this show cares so much about its characters and you can say that about a lot of shows but OMITB has two specific skills it deserves kudos for:

ONE: even tho Mabel, Oliver, and Charles are the focus of the show, all the secondary and tertiary characters are important and consistent and are brought back over and over. Like Howard, who in S1 is the Gay Cat Guy and in S2 gets multiple moments of focus for him asking a neighbor out and in S3 is in almost every episode and is Oliver's assistant. The fact the show cares enough to give non-focal characters whole arcs to go through really sells the idea of the Arconia as community of people.

TWO: THE FUCKING ABILITY OF THIS SHOW TO MAKE YOU LOVE DEEPLY FLAWED, OFTEN ASSHOLISH PEOPLE.

the fucking FLEX that is "The Last Day of Bunny Folger" holy shit. for an entire season, Bunny was this constant nuisance no one liked, then she died, and over the course of one episode that doesn't try to REDEEM her, it just shows MORE of her, I was so fucking invested. And they did the same shit with Ben Gilderoy, it's amazing.

OMITB cares so much about having COMPASSION for everyone and treating all of them like people. There is no one who is purely contemptible

another thing I love is the trio and the various dynamics

all three of them together are adorable and the way they grow to deeply love each other is great. but also the way oliver and charles drive each other nuts and needle each other <3 and how mabel and charles really CARE about trusting each other and how fast they get invested <3 but MABEL AND OLIVER i love them they are hilarious and wonderful and just heighten each other's bullshit

oh my god and the way the show lets each of them have complex backstories and working thru shit. Charles' struggle with his neuroses and years of rejection, Oliver's connection with his son and how he almost throws a case bc he's in love with Meryl Streep (fair), and Mabel being mean and distant and aloof and it all having a REASON

okay fuck this is so long, some quick hits

Theo Dimas is genuinely the best character in the show, the moment he turns to the camera and signs "People in this city talk way too much" was like the moment i was IN on the show for good. thank GOD they keep bringing him back, he's the fucking best.

NATHAN FUCKING LANE AS TEDDY DIMAS, WHAT A FUCKING PERFORMANCE, HOLY SHIT.

wow so many fucking queer people. Mabel, Howard, Jan, Jonathan, Cliff, Jerry, Sazz, Detective Williams and her wife, Alice, and i think Zoe and Uma might be but I'm not sure.

ranking of Mabel's love interests: Oscar (who is great) > Alice (who sucks) > Tobert (boringggg)

the fucking wardrooooobes

the SETS!!!!!!!!!!

selena gomez' rack in the penultimate episode of season 3 holy shit WOW those tits

CHARLES' CAREER-LONG STUNT DOUBLE IS SAZZ, A HOT LESBIAN PLAYED BY JANE LYNCH WHO DOUBLED FOR HIM EVEN IN SEX SCENES AND IS SO MAGNETIC SHE KEEPS ACCIDENTALLY STEALING HIS GIRLFRIENDS

okay i'm done, omitb is good

#omitb #long post #anyway 8 out of 10 big fan

[luminouslywriting]

Heeyyy so I saw that you had a scary surgery?? Ur so brave and get better soon!

I was wondering if maybe you could do a pregnancy HC with any of the BOB boys?? :)

Nonny, you are so sweet 🥹🥹 thank you!! And yes, I’d love to do this one for you! Reminder that my requests are open and I don’t mind spam! More below the cut, cut for length, light spice sprinkled in:

Dick Winters:

-He’s absolutely thrilled to be a father. The minute that you tell him about it, he’s practically giddy like a little kid haha. -A family is always something that he’s wanted and settling down is honestly a dream to him. Especially with you! -Winters thinks that you’re even more perfect pregnant and definitely gets even more of a praise kink during pregnancy. Service top who???

-Doesn’t coddle you but definitely spoils you a little bit and tries to make sure that you have everything you need/want so that things go smoothly. -Loves getting to talk baby names with you and gets really into your self care routine while pregnant. -Probably cries the first time he holds the baby.

Lewis Nixon:

-A wreck. I’m sorry, there’s just no way that this man is NOT panicking about you having a kid bc he feels like he’s already messed things up before and doesn’t want to do that again. -Might need a little bit of space initially to figure out his feelings and pull himself together. But then once he does, he’s all in. I’m talking going to doctors appointments with you, doing additional reading, and researching best ways to cure morning sickness type of guy. -Send him out for cravings, he likes to feel useful while you’re growing a baby haha. -Waxes poetic about the ability to grow life inside of you and pretty much views you as the center of his universe from this point onwards. -Absolutely has sympathy labor pains, I can’t explain that one at all

-Does not let you lift anything heavy or do anything strenuous the entire time you’re pregnant.

Ronald Speirs:

-Gets this really soft expression the minute he hears the news from you and is almost scared of the thought—but he’s ready and he’s super tender about things. -Definitely develops a breeding kink during this time and is so attentive to anything that will help you feel better, including orgasms. -Shows up one day from work with just a TON of baby stuff and maternity that he’s splurged on because he wants you to feel loved and special

-Loves holding you at nighttime and definitely will never admit this, but he talks to the baby and has so many plans

-Foot massages from him and he’ll try to hold the baby weight for you by holding up your stomach once the pregnancy progresses

-Is so protective and lets a few tears shed when the baby is born—he never left your side the entire time. His love for you has multiplied exponentially.

Buck Compton:

-Is the type of man to laugh excitedly and pull you into a fierce kiss that sweeps you off of your feet

-He’s immediately voting on a little boy and starts referring to the baby as Junior. -Is very attentive to you and wants to put the entire nursery together himself. Gets pretty far in the process too! The paint job could be better, but that’s okay! -Likes sharing showers with you and lotions your stomach afterwards with a sweet kiss to the swell of the belly. -But he also lays awake pretty anxious about being a dad and not being the same as he used to be. He wants this kid’s life to be absolutely perfect. -Gets sweetly emotional throughout the pregnancy milestones, including the baby kicking and the first time he hears a heartbeat.

Carwood Lipton:

-The grin on this man’s face will never be matched. He’s so thrilled and so excited about it! -He definitely treats you like precious cargo from there on out; a hand over your stomach when you’re walking in public, a hand in yours during drives, he’s constantly watching out for you. -Loves the way that your body changes and grows to accommodate the baby and thinks that stretch marks are sexy. BODY PRAISE KINK maxed haha. -Very into compliments and he wants you to know how much he loves you each and every day. -He is already good with kids and so he practices by babysitting his nieces and nephews. Watching him with kids is probably a turn on tbh. -Gets oddly into cooking since you’re tired and comes up with the best craving dishes at your request.

Joseph Liebgott:

-Shocked, bamboozled, shooketh, and the softest dumb smile on his face when you tell him. Asks you a million questions immediately following. -This is also followed by the sweetest sex wherein he praises and serviced you to the point of you literally falling asleep haha. -Literally tells everyone he knows because he’s so excited about the entire thing! -Is taking bets with the men in easy on the gender of the baby (he thinks girl haha)

-Also develops a lactation kink during the midst of all of this lol

-Coaches you through labor with support and a hand hold that nearly broke his hand haha

Donald Malarkey:

-An excited soft bean who immediately kisses your stomach in excitement

-Wants to go shopping with you for ALL of the baby things immediately. Please explain that there’s a whole nine months of cooking to him. -Is literally in shock and amazement at the changes your body undergoes as he learns more and more about pregnancy. He is wowed by you and expresses this daily. -Literally the most gentle he has ever been while you’re pregnant and Lowkey a mother hen who doesn’t want you to fall or do anything like lift something heavy. -Probably has a ton of lullabies memorized from his own childhood and starts dusting them off immediately. -Is the most vocal support during labor and encourages you like your life depends on it.

Eugene Roe:

-A flurry of excitement, French words, and light kisses all over immediately

-He’s already ruminating on baby names and trying to imagine how things will go. That being said, he’s best for morning sickness and pregnancy bleh energy. -Knows a ton of wives’ tales about pregnancy and how to help with natural remedies, which he awaits to try out whenever you’re ready

-Bath sex together during this time

-He gets good at doing your hair for you when you’re feeling especially worn out or tired

-Is so soft and sweet the minute you go into labor and stays by your side until the entire thing is over. 10/10 a great dad.

Bill Guarnere:

-Has to blink several times and ask you to repeat it and make sure that he heard you correctly the first time. But once he’s sure, he’s the most excited person ever. -Calls everyone he knows to tell them the news….and he wants to name the baby after Joe Toye if it’s a boy. -Takes the mood swings with a grain of salt but will try all of your cravings with you. He likes a few of them as actual snacks haha. -Gets creative in figuring out positions for sex so that you can be more comfortable

-Sometimes gets nervous about being a dad and kinda retreats within himself. I promise that one good flash of skin will remind him that everything is fine. -Is a wreck during labor but super calm and chill the minute he gets to hold the baby.

Joe Toye:

-Immediately kisses you like you’re his last breath of air. If he was in love with you before, that’s nothing to how he feels now. -Has some insecurities about how he’s going to be a dad with his injury, so hype him up as a dad. -Does all of his own research on the growth of babies and pregnancy. Will recite these facts randomly to you during dinner. -Loved getting to lay with you at nighttime and just talk to you about the kid and all of the hopes and dreams you both have for them. -Probably acutely aware of the cost of pregnancy on your body and is so in awe…he wants more but definitely leaves that in your court since it’s your body. -Also really great with dealing w/ postpartum depression and understands in a different way than most men.

George Luz:

-Goes to make a joke, gets told you’re pregnant, and is rendered totally speechless. Congrats reader. You did that haha. -Immediately starts suggesting names for the baby and starts planning out a whole gaggle of kids on the spot. -Is extremely horny while you’re pregnant and his sex drive rivals yours tbh

-HYPE KING OF COMPLIMENTS and reassuring you that you’re perfect and not a swollen penguin. -Would definitely walk around with a watermelon to feel sympathy for you haha. -Is afraid he’s going to drop the baby but never would ☺️

#band of brothers headcanons #band of brothers asks #band of brothers #band of brothers x reader #easy company #dick winters imagines #dick winters headcanons #dick winters x reader #dick winters #lewis nixon imagines #lewis nixon headcanons #lewis nixon x reader #lewis nixon #ronald speirs x reader #ronald speirs #ron speirs #buck compton x reader #buck compton #carwood lipton x reader #carwood lipton #joe liebgott #joseph liebgott #donald malarkey #eugene roe #bill guarnere #joe toye #george luz

[aralisj]

hi umm if you wouldn't mind......... would u drop the "carmy is autistic" list..... because you're so right he's so autistic-coded but i want to compare notes

You don't know the can of worms that you just opened. Know that I cracked my knuckles and kicked my feet excitedly when I got this ask and I would LOVE to hear your insights too.

This is pretty much the format I used for myself, so I do apologize if there's something wrong with it. Also, this is only my appreciation of it and autism is a spectrum, etc.

Difficulty socializing - Imitating forms of communication (sign for "sorry", cursing) - Unable to read when he's being rude (shitty) and need for external confirmation from Sydney - Uneasy in group gatherings (not joining the rest of the staff for family during his first weeks at The Beef), avoiding social events (never been to a party, misses family reunions) - Can be gregarious when masking/using costumes - specifically the scene with him pretending to be Logan at the party - "And [Mikey] had this amazing ability. He could just, he could walk into a room, and he could take the temperature of it instantly. You know, he could just, he could dial it. And, um… I'm not built like that, man. I, um… I didn't have a lot of friends growing up. I had a, a stutter when I was a kid. I was scared to speak half the time. And, uh, I got shitty grades 'cause I couldn't pay attention in school. I didn't get into college. I didn't have any girlfriends. I don't think I'm funny."

Problems with body language - Cannot read easily when he's being teased/mocked and when he isn't: - He gets really defensive when Mikey and Richie mention Claire even if they're being genuine and doesn't calm down until Stevie says so. - He doesn't realize Sydney is joking at first in the alley scene or her outright mocking him in the S3 trailer ("I can sense the sarcasm" "No, no, no. Not sarcasm, snark, contempt even.") - Asking Sydney constantly what's wrong - he listens intently which suggests that he cares but he genuinely can't pick up on what the problem is - Lack of eye contact, especially at the beginning, giving priority to looking at the food than whoever he's talking to. He seems more comfortable with looking at Syd and Richie in the eye than the rest.

Difficulty making friends and navigating relationships - No romantic relationships before Claire (we assume 🤷🏻‍♀️) - When Claire called him and told him that Fak said he was his best friend, Carmy took a second to process and then agreed. He genuinely has no idea. - The whole "a girl who is a friend" debacle

Stimming - Fiddling with his spoon, shaking hands and blinking hard - Arguably, also smoking

Routine -~Consistency~ - "And the routine of the kitchen was so… consistent and exacting and busy and hard and alive" - Wears almost the same outfit every day (white t-shirt, slacks, coat, apron) - Doesn't deal well with change

Special interests - Cooking, drawing, (vintage) fashion - he's really out there cooking in hundred dollar t-shirts and gifting Thom Browne chef whites - Creative and flourishing in his chosen field ("I felt like I could speak through the food, like I could communicate through creativity. And that kind of confidence, you know, like I was finally… I was good at something, that was so new, and that was so exciting") - Understanding the world and other people in terms of food

Abnormal sensory response - Cannot stand certain sounds (~ball breaker~) and doesn't mind others (alarm) - Possibly heightened sense of taste/smell?

From childhood and more notorious overtime - Described as weird and shy even as a child - Stutter - Bad at school

More notorious under stress - Meltdowns and lashing out (1x07, 2x10) - Gets overwhelmed when plans change - Shutdown/anxiety attack after sleeping with Claire

Not playing cooperatively - Individualistic and cutthroat in the kitchen - VERY task focused (when he’s cooking HE IS COOKING) - Territorial over his things (knife) - He has a hard time finding a managerial style that suits him, delegating, and motivating the staff

Detail oriented - Toothbrush cleaning - The bowl thing in S3 trailer - His ~everything~ tbh

Depression, anxiety and APD comorbidity - Having special interests/happy stimming/needs shut down at a young age resulting in a pessimistic mindset (waiting for the other shoe to drop), anxiety attacks and unhealthy attachment styles - His trauma plays a huge role in this too but autistic children are particularly prone to suffering abuse in silence/staying in toxic environments and relationships

Insomnia

Alexithymia - "I Googled fun." - "I guess all the time I feel like I'm kind of trapped because I can't… Describe how I'm feeling. So to ask someone else how they’re feeling, that seems, uh… I don’t know, insane?" - "I hate this feeling" "What feeling, Carm?" "Uh, I'm not sure."

Black and white thinking - Difficulty focusing on more than one thing at a time, a very clear example is the majority of S2 when he's trying to juggle a relationship with Claire with opening the restaurant, while actively compartimentalizing the two of them, ignoring Syd's calls while he's out, then Claire's when he's at the restaurant - At the beginning of S1, he's hanging onto the idea that there's only ONE way to properly run a restaurant - Whatever "advice" he gets from Al Anon meetings is taken to the extreme, causing most of his fuck ups of S1 (more on this) - In the same vein, my boy can't understand a metaphor to save his life

I'm keeping track of the list (more or less) here

#thanks for asking! i mean it! #the bear #the bear meta #the bear fx #carmy berzatto #carmy the bear #autistic carmy #this feels like another bullet point for my 'is carmy autistic?' ever growing list

[icewindandboringhorror]

Hrmm... put together a roommates quiz finally after years of thinking it would be an interesting idea lol.. Though obviously not meant to be taken super seriously, I just like thinking about this aspect of personality compatibility. Like yeah, maybe you could get along with someone just chatting with them, but living together is such a different thing. .. curiouse...

#Not that I think that many people would really care since I barely know anyone on tumblr in real life and would never live with random #internet strangers lol but... idk.. I made this to give to friends from time to time and thought... why not post it here too #just out of sheer curiosity if anyone takes it what the most common results would be and etc. #My initial assumption is that most people would probably fall into the 'maybe' category and that either extreme of 'best roomates' #and 'worst roomates' would be the least common #very long also since I like to be thorough I guess #THOUGH... upon second thought... tumblr is home of the like Weird Introverts Who Sit Inside All The Time.. so maybe it's more #likely to come across compatible poeple on here. given that many of the questions are about how meticulous #people are with their scehdules or how often they invite friends over or if they like to mostly stay inside etc. #(since personally I think having a roommate coming and going and bringing random people over all the time would be too chaotic #lol... I need a peaceful quiet household) #Also I kind of don't like the way uquiz seems to do results. I was hoping it would be a number tally? I used some sort of quiz making site #before where you weight the question responses with a number (so the 'Best' response is worth a 0 #The worst is worth like 5 points. and all the in between are like 1 - 4 points or something). So then it is actually possible to have a #''perfect score'' category (someone who gets a literal 0 points). and also you could weight some EXTREMELY bad answers #to add like +10 to the score instead of just +5. And someone who got the MAX possible points would be the WORST compatibility. etc. #But uquiz seems to just be like ''which category did you score towards the MOST'. So someone can give some pretty bad answers #that are VERY non compatible. but as long as MOST of their answers landed in a 'compatible' category #then they would still be listed as compatible despite still actually having some dealbreakers in there. Which is also possible with the #'every answer is a number amount' ranking system too. but I feel like that one does allow for a little more customization #and accuracy (like making the dealbreakers add like...+40 to the score or something so that #there's basically NO way that someone could answer with one of those and still get a good score. Or the ability to have a literal #'perfect score' (getting a zero) etc. #BUt anyway lol... inchresting.. inchresting... curious to consider maybe making a uquiz #for the characters in the gameI'm making like.. which npc are you type quiz or something #now that I've made one and seen how it works.. hrmm hrmm.... #(< game will not even be done for like another year but still thinking about nonsense like this lol)

[the-cookie-of-doom]

for a while now, I've really been doubting my career choices with nursing. I know a lot of it is burn out and depression, and being so overwhelmed between work, school, and clinical, that I didn't have time to breathe. I was in the hospital/on campus for 60 hours a week last semester, and that's not counting the time I had to study outside of that. It was awful. I quit my job because of it, I was almost involuntarily committed because of it.

But the scariest part for me has been how much I've hated clinical. It makes me miserable. And that's terrifying, because once I graduate? That's what I'm going to be doing for the rest of my life. So if I already hate it now, what does that mean for my future?

Sometimes, though... Sometimes I'll have a clinical that is just so good, it reminds me of why I'm doing this. Why I'm putting myself through the pain and suffering of becoming a nurse, which is honestly one of the hardest careers a person can have. It's mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausting. It destroys your body and your mental health. Most of the time it's thankless. It doesn't pay nearly enough for what we go through.

Despite all of the reasons there are not to become a nurse, there are some patients that will remind you why it's all worth it anyway.

Last week, I had a crotchety old bitch of a patient. She had been in the hospital for 10 days, was refusing all of her treatments, screamed at anyone that came in her room, and demanded dilaudid around the clock, despite having no injuries to justify it. Everyone hated her. Her own nurses went in her room as little as possible; I think in the entire 12 hours I was there, her nurse spent maybe a total of 20 minutes in her room. I was in there for hours. A couple minutes at a time in the beginning just so she could warm up to me. Then I spent 2 straight hours at her bedside just talking to her. Letting her tell me her life story. Which was tragic, of course, and no wonder she was so run down and bitter and wanted to get high off narcotics. She was miserable, lonely, and in chronic pain from a body that was deteriorating around her.

So I spent as much time with her as possible. Sure enough, she didn't ask me for any pain medications a single time, once she realized she could trust I was going to look after her. I Explained her medications and her treatments, and the reasoning behind them. I offered to reach out to out chaplain when I noticed she was hyper focused on some televangical broadcast. I got her to call her son to come visit her. I got her to agree to take her medications and allow us to take blood sample for her labs, which were days overdue. I got her up and working with physical therapy so she could start walking again.

By the end of the day, that patient loved me. Not a single complaint all day, she wasn't screaming down the halls and cursing everyone's existence. She was still crotchety and mean in that way old hillbillies are, but she wasn't angry. She wasn't lashing out. She was finally being cooperative. All because I took the time to talk to her and offer her company.

Tonight, I had a shift in our mental health unit. There was a patient who I noticed was very withdrawn and avoiding everyone, mostly just standing in a corner at the end of the hall, by a window. I went down and talked to him. Kind of stilted at first, but slowly he opened up to me. I really only meant to talk for a few minutes, mostly for my own sake, to get used to interacting with mental health patients like this.

Instead, we talked for hours. Nearly 3 hours straight at the start of the day alone, and then more throughout the day. My feet were killing me by the end of it, but it was completely worth it to see the way this poor guy came to life. We talked about everything from social topics like music and movies, to his medications and treatments, and how to manage his depression once he leaves. Something I was able to connect with him about on a personal level in a way his nurse hadn't, because I've been living with depression for a decade, I've been on antidepressants, and I understand. I think that was the point it clicked for him, when he really started reaching out to me, instead of answering when I prompted him. Because humans need connection and understanding.

By the end of the day he was talking freely and smiling nearly non-stop. We'd made plans for him to get back into an old hobby he hadn't touched in years, and he seemed genuinely excited to start it back up again. He was nearly bouncing in place when I went to say goodbye to him at the end of the night, and thanked me for talking to him all day. Even the staff nurses noticed the way his demeanor had completely changed.

Another patient (my actual patient for the night) started the day very combative. To the point she had to be redirected to her room (not locked up, just strongly encouraged to go and cool down). She was screaming at everyone, having some very serious and severe delusions. Same story; I talked to her throughout the day, little bits whenever she was feeling calm. I noticed she had a tattoo from an old semi-niche XBox game I used to play, and we bonded over that. By the end of the shift she loved me. Kept asking me if I'd gotten lunch/dinner, made sure all the other patients on the unit got their snacks, told us all to get some rest once it was curfew for the unit (we had to stay another 2 hours) and said we could use the spare bed in her room if we needed. Which sounds really weird but coming from her was incredibly sweet. Again, total attitude change.

I am very cognizant of the fact that the way I approach my patient care is largely a privilege of still being a student. It's easy for me to stand at a patient's bedside for 2 hours straight and listen to her life story when I have nothing better to do, let alone 3 other patients to take care of. But that nurse didn't talk to her at all. Even when she was in the room, she dismissed everything the patient said. The mental health nurses? Most of their time is spent in the nursing station gossiping and messing on their phones. There's no reason for them not to put in the extra effort of spending time with their patients. And especially there, it can have such an impact.

All of that is to say, I love the relationships I'm able to build with my patients. It's so important for me to be able to connect with people like this, to make them feel seen and cared for and important. No one wants to be treated like an inconvenience, especially not while they're in the hospital, sick and hurt and exhausted and in pain.

Nights like these are why I'm going into this field. I love medicine and I always knew I would end up in the hospital, I've always wanted to be able to save someone's life. But I think now that I've grown up and I'm actually working with these patients, I've come to see not only how rewarding it is to save someone's life, but to nurture that life, too.

#cookie speaks #dont mind me i'm just feeling really sappy #im really proud of what i was able to accomplish with that patient today #he's going home tomorrow and i really hope he's able to do the things we talked about #i truly love being able to help people this way #i want to be the kind of nurse that people remember #i want my patients to feel taken care of and cared for #i dont have a single maternal bone in my body and i never thought i was much of a caretaker #but this is genuinely such a rewarding experience #i dont care how hard nursing is when I get to have days like these #I know it won't be nearly as easy once I start nursing for real #ill have so much more responsibility #but for now I'm going to take advantage of my ability to sit and talk with my patients for hours at a time #i think even if they aren't psychiatric patients #everyone wants to be heard #having someone's undivided attention makes you feel good #especially in this day and age where people are constantly talking over each other and distracted by their phones and never really present #in a conversation #so I always try to give that to others #i love therapeutic communication lol #one of my favorite parts of nursing #anyway

[iman-92]

one of my best qualities is my ability to simply not care. at a moment in time i’ll care a lot. think about it constantly, obsess over it. play things over in my mind again and again. and as soon as i decide i don’t care anymore… i just don’t.

#I think it’s not even really just my ability to not care but more my ability to just come to a conclusion #even if that conclusion is that there is no conclusion #once i’ve decided i’m done with something i just am and i can never get pulled back in again with the same amount of feeling #it’s accs probably not healthy but i’ve always been able to move on when someone’s wronged me lol cause i dont see it as a personal failure #i just accept it for what it is and move forward or just delete you from my brain altogether #perhaps it’s a conversation for a therapist lol but I wonder if it’s bc I’ve grown to just not expect much from people ? #in a way it makes it easier to forgive people but also easy to leave people behind too #this whole post screams avoidant attachment init loooool

[unopenablebox]

are you going to judge me if i cast off this shawl and immediately start another one by the same designer

#this shawl designer is so overwhelmingly popular ...... in the ravelry forums i read regularly............... #that im convinced that making these is just extruding Generic Knit Product Of No Interest #which. firstly. i actually do reserve my right to care if i am making extruded knit product but don't think it's a general virtue. #secondly i have to be in a total bonkers echo chamber for this right. no one outside these forums is like ''boo knits is so everpresent tha #anyone making them is displaying 'awareness of popular things' and not 'ability to make a specific and deliberate choice''' #not even anyone IN these forums thinks this really. only i could imagine a person thinking this #more to the point. is it cringe if i not only start a new shawl but i do it in a gradient-dyed yarn. #i just think it would look nice. but i think that shows a fundamental lack of discernment by me #box opener

[doctorweebmd]

coming out of my baldurs gate 3 delirium (aka i am working a night shift and can't physically play it. at work.) to say that horikoshi. horikoshi when i GET YOU. you are NOT leaving izuku with no quirk and no arms. i am in your walls

#bnha spoilers #also. more evidence that horikoshi read zero-sum game #like come on the twins thing the izuku losing his quirk thing the losing his arm thing the shiggy getting decay from afo thing #TELL ME THE TRUTH HORIKOSHI. DID YOU READ MY FANFIC. #i'm joking of course. he's just done a really good job of foreshadowing through the series. its a marker of an amazing author #and i know that izuku probably won't lose both his arms and his quirk. i fully expect it to be a happy ending in some way shape or form #this is a sixteen year old boy who sacrificed EVERYTHING. more than he ever had to give #and he had less than a year. LESS THAN A YEAR. #sorry i'm already crying thinking about the scene of him holding shigaraki's hand even though it will decay him........ #izuku who knows better than ANYONE what shigaraki's power can do.... reaching out to him. caring more about others than about himself. #he's just. he's so good. he's SO GOOD. he deserves the world #tbh i feel like eri HAS to be involved at this point. she's the deus ex machina in all this #that or overhaul #both of their abilities can at least physically restructure izuku's body #it would actually be a very interesting redemption point for overhaul....... #i mean WHY ELSE RESCUE HIM. and why give him THE SAME FUCKING INJURY #what a powerful thing it would be to have eri give overhaul his arms back #and overhaul learning about goodness and forgiveness from this girl he's done nothing but abuse and torture #and saves izuku........ #its about ATONEMENT. its about GROWTH. its about IT NEVER BEING TOO LATE. #AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I LOVE YOU MY HERO ACADEMIA #... ok. i'm normal. its fine. #on another note #i loved the ending to my first bg3 run which i think i finished Tuesday/Wednesday. i cried. #IMMEDIATELY started a durge run where i'm playing a male human bard instead of the female half-wood elf ranger #i was like 'haha. i'll make a character based on hisoka from hxh! i'm gonna be SOOOO evil! >:)) #and guess who still isn't good at being big evil. ME. at worst i'm probably chaotic neutral. #its wild i'm already finding SO MANY new scenes i missed on the first playthrough even though i'm making a lot of the same choices #so it still feels super fun and fresh. more so now because i kind of know the characters and the mechanics better #my current playthrough i'm with lae'zel shadowheart and asterion with no intention of switching out

[cinnamon-phrog]

Sorry for clogging all of your dashboards I've been in a good mood bc!!! I got awesome news today!

REUNITED!!!!!!

#HE'S BACK! re-ordered a yellow and completely forgot! #also uh. yesterday i talked about taking a year to myself what if i did that NOW #there are a lot of things i want to do and solve for myself #i've had no time to actually take care of myself. i've been TREATING myself but that's done nothing but make me crave more #but actually sorting my stuff out. internal external what have you. THAT has helped me a lot #college has been a bad experience overall and i put it down to me just not being ready for it. too much change in only a few months. #it made me jaded and i'd like some whimsy thank you very much. only if i try though #🎨🌻 #🦆📋 #🍝👄 #🚦🏠 #i've seen people become jaded bc of their traumas and it's saddening. and i need to learn that maybe not everyone needs fixing no matter- #my intentions and sometimes i DO go overboard and come off brash. when in reality i'd hate that to happen and only wish people the best #i learn things everyday and i'm still so young. not even 17 yet. i still have time for improvement in myself #i will ALWAYS apologise. ALWAYS extend kindness. ALWAYS admit fault bc that's just all i can do. #so anyway OUPPETS!!!!! I wanna keep them safe i'm thinking of making a box dedicated to little trinkets of Them. #i've been sheltered and Her lessons are still ingrained on me and i'm slowly [but surely!] unlearning them and not using Her as an excuse- #for laziness or my ability to talk to people and guessing everybody wishes me the worst when really they have other things on their mind. #college smollege i am not a character stuck in a narrative! i am nbot the narrative! i am me! and i say my lessons lie outside of there.

[oars]

so scary i just thought about how idk what i want to do with my life anymore ohhh

#i stopped wanting to pursue a lot of things bc of a lack of confidence in my ability #but it feels less like a lack of confidence and more of oh im not actually good at anything. i have nothing to show lol #i wanted ro go to school overseas but now i dont even think thats going to happen and i really dont want to go to school in the states #i gave up on animation bc im too slow i gave up on marine biology bc im stupid now im aiming at computer engineering #bc its the last idea i have so #idk i really dont want to work these kinds of jobs forever. i want to work in a field i care about that also pays a liveable wage. #but also have a life. i want to live and be happy but i dont want to have to wait until im like 65 to make it there #life feels like its worth it rn but i feel like at some point it wont be for me. im doing all i can to just have something

[darkwood-sleddog]

working dogs and show dogs can peacefully co exist. responsibly bred purebred dogs and responsibly bred mixed breed dogs can co exist. why are people so small minded.

#dogblr #i just had to read a conversation in a conformation group #where show people claimed flat out that because alaskan huskies and other mixed breed dogs work well in harness #that means that the working ability in the siberian was less important than the way the dog looked and i'm just/?? #what standard are yall reading. #anyways dogs in the working group should have to obtain working titles to have register-able puppies imho #show dog people really just be ~like that~ and i am so glad not to be involved #and tbh as a musher its impossible for me to be as involved in the community and not see the modern dog fancy for the absolute bs it #like i love my purebred dogs gonna get more purebred dogs #but the purpose bred mix breeds have just as long of pedigrees as my dogs do in this sport and they win nearly everything #because they were bred to do their job appropriately #if a siberian husky can't pull a sled its not worthy of being bred ffs #a breed's history in work and its ability in work are still important even if the sport is dominated by responsibly bred mixed breed dogs #not to mention so many sled breeds are indigenous breeds co opted into the dog fancy by white people #who generally think they know better #chuchki people want these dogs to work #inuit want these dogs to work #even fucking leonard seppala would be livid if he knew yall didn't care about the working drive of these dogs #anyways these same people went on and on about how a dog with good drive to work from a working kennel was #'degrading the breed' #if that doesn't give you the ick you hanging with the wrong folks #very few show sibe people doing mushing in a larger capacity rn and it shows tbh #i love watching akc people getting all snobby about working line sibes #espeically uk dogs bc its like #oh wait that dog you just criticized won the breed ring at crufts you absolute nut #like maybe shut up and realize different interpretation of the standard exists and is a good thing

[death-rebirth-senshi]

I think it's interesting to look at ideas they played with in dark souls 3 that made their way into Elden Ring, because while I don't think the Lord of Londor ending is nothing, it's fairly. A whole load of nonsense that's just kind of there.

And like, to a degree that fits the vibe of dark souls 3. It's all a whole load of nonsense; linking the fire, an age of dark, usurping the fire, it's all equally desperate attempts at mending a world that started circling the drain long ago.

And becoming Elden Lord in Elden Ring is similarly kind of vague as far as what it means and what exactly you accomplish by becoming elden lord. And it's similar to me in the way these desperate masses bow to you and beg for you to "make Londor whole", somehow.

Slightly less vague in Elden Ring; like the first flame, the Elden Ring has power, and power specifically to enforce a new Order upon the lands. And you get to choose what kind of Order that will be, or you can reject it and burn it all down, or you can reject it for something dark and frightening and uncertain.

#me vs dark souls 3 #me vs elden ring #just ramblings. I have nothing concrete to say about it all #always struck that no matter what it's never an entirely independent enterprise #even as the Lord of Chaos despite what Melina says #you are *someone's* lord. There are those who want you to rise as the lord who denies and burns and destroys everything. #just interesting. #dark souls 2 keeps repeating the question 'what is a king' and more than not really exploring the answer in a manner I care about #I don't think dark souls 2 does a good job of. Why is this even a relevant question. Why do I care. #where dark souls 1 is more along the lines of. Just what Godfrey says. Whatever other trappings there may be #whatever other moralizing and propaganda may come about after the fact #a crown is warranted by strength. #I don't think dark souls 2 is nothing either I just don't think gathering the crowns granting you the ability to not be hollow anymore #is anything particularly interesting or relevant. Maybe 'what makes a king?' is explored but not well to my tastes #and certainly not well enough to repeatedly ask this question. #Aldia and Vendrick are annoying and I'll die on this hill

[starryserenade]

#just haven't gotten to sing a lot lately #I hit a point in life #where I stopped being able to do it without tensing up for one reason or another idk #so it kind of became more of a frustration for me #because it would just make me feel anxious and insecure #and that makes me more sad than anything I guess #it used to be such a release #just belting out in the car without *really* caring ya know #but anytime I actually think about what I'm singing now #I lose the ability to do it at all #LOL #so idk every now and then I'll find something that still feels pleasant #even if it's not perfect #so I just kinda #do that #I'm probably never going to get to the place I wanted to be with my voice #I totally get that #but every now and then it's nice to just throw it out there #tumblr is my diary anyway hahaha #song is 'song of the sea' #by nolwenn leroy

[godsfavoritescientist]

idk how to phrase this but I wish there was a way for me to filter out fics on ao3 that describe Bill as "incapable of feeling love" in a "woe is me, the nonhuman character cannot feel this random emotion, Ford would be so much happier if only Bill was Capable of Feeling Love" way

#godsrambles #people are allowed to write ford thinking this way. its not like 1980s science man ford would know anything about aro identities #i just personally cant deal with running into this specific thing again in fics about these two. #i cant do it im not strong enough. #maybe bc i partly approach this ship in an escapist way of 'imagine 2 weird guys who dont care about amatonormative relationship standards' #i love angst i just cant stand being Suddenly hit on the head with the hammer of: #'no matter how much bill cares in his own way no matter what bill does ford will still be sad that he cant feel Love' in fic after fic #'ford might TELL bill its okay but deep down he would really be happier if bill felt love the Right Way' #cant stop thinking about this. its come up at least 3 times in 3 separate fics. and they are well written ones too. #give me angst about Anything else. Please. Anything Else #but i cant even read new fics on ao3 at the moment bc theres a nonzero chance I'll run into this AGAIN. #it is simply Not For Me. its fine for people to write angst from that angle i just want a wider range of content about nonhuman characters #i just am tired of it being such a Common Thing brought up with villains monsters and nonhumans #the issue is the Trend not any individual writing it #which is why ive been so reluctant to even voice my frustration. bc its really honestly not any one fic writers fault #i also want to give people the benefit of the doubt. its *possible* for ford to subconsciously see monstrousness and lack of ability to #-love as connected without the *author* subconsciously thinking it also. its just. complicated and hard to know #i just want to be able to filter it out so i stop getting hit with reminders that the ability to love is seen as a key part of being human #by so many people #it stings even more with it being *ford* thinking these things too #like. fords Whole Thing is embracing abnormality and strangeness. #so if even *he* cant fully embrace being with someone who doesnt feel Love... :(

[jentlemahae]

-

#idk why but these days ive been thinking seriously that i should switch to a wheelchair #in a weird way i think it would give me more freedom bcs there’s a lot of things id like to do now that i dont do bcs ik it will make me too #tired #like id love to go to museum or parks in the centre but i dont now bcs ik id be too exhausted #but if im not walking it would be different #also id even save money on transport bcs if im not walking being tired is not an issue so i wont have to take taxis as much #also omfg i could finally wear whatever i want since i don’t have to be careful about falling #ik my mom is against that bcs she feels like me getting a wheelchair would be giving up but for some reason i dont feel like that #i felt like thwt when i got the walker but then i saw how much it helped me #and walking is so difficult rn i think id benefit from some extra help #and idt it d be giving up bcs it’s not my fault my disability gets worse and there’s nothing i can do about it so what can i do #ik life would more complicated in some ways (eg finding a wheelchair friendly accommodation might be hard) but u think it will be easier in #other ways #also bcs i wanna move to a new country after my first master and i think extra aid would be for the best #it would make things more complicated but i feel like forcing myself to go on without it is making things more complicated already #i just really want to be independent like i just want the ability to do what i want by myself as much as possible #tbh i feel like that’s also why i wanna move again bcs in ams my mom can come whenever and i don’t like that lmao #anw im easing my mom into it these days