#I will make my horribly drawn art of them shortly

[w1tchcr4ftt]

Finally, here is the rough draft of the apocalypse AU

Wally Darling- the savior

Home- the protector/ the entity

Howdy- the tradesman

Frank- the identifier

Poppy- the medic

Barnaby- the right hand man

Sally- the entertainer

Julie- the peace keeper

Eddie- the messenger

More after the cut

Wally Darling- After the the initial explosion, air was deemed unbreathable due to the fact that it caused a contagious virus, the only safe place seemed to be Wally’s home and the area surrounding. Due to this Wally had become a refugee harborer, helping people find their families and friends, but nobody ever stayed. That is until a certain big dog came across trying to find a home

Barnaby B. Beagle- Wally’s best friend and right hand man, Barnaby serves as Wally’s assistant and is often the one keeping him sane. Whenever Wally goes off on his excursions to places unknown to Barnaby, he acts as the leader of the group, making sure everybody is happy and and doing okay

Julie Joyful- After a the blast, Julie was lost for quite some time before finally coming across a quiet little area with surprisingly breathable air. As the group became bigger, more fights started happening relating to iffy decisions and questionable outcomes. Due to this, Julie started doing everything in her power to keep the group from tearing eachother apart, and keeping everyone happy. Many of the groups members are very thankful for her especially a certain grumpy fellow

Frank Frankly- After Julie moved in, Frank followed suit. They serve as the resident scientist and identifier of the ill and infected. They also enjoy studying bugs that managed to survive the blast! They often bicker with Barnaby and Sally, but always ends in a pun and an annoyed groan from all who had to hear it. But it still gets a chuckle out of the local messenger.

Eddie Dear- Eddie works as a messenger, getting letters to and from the developing blast survivor settlements. He will often go out for a few days before returning, often resulting in Frank worrying. There hasn’t be a trip he hasn’t returned from yet, and everyone still gets their mail.

Howdy Pillar- The local trader who set his shop in the neighborhood. He often relies on Eddie bringing him produce from his mail trips, so they became good friends. Howdy often argues with Wally because he seems to always take his apples. Many of the other group members find their antics to be quite funny, so nobody ever stops them

Sally Starlet- Thanks to the air outside the neighborhood being toxic, most of the members are forced to stay indoors when air quality gets worse. Because of this, Sally has become the resident entertainer. She puts on shows with Julie, comedy acts with Barnaby, commercials with Howdy, and even her own 1-person plays. She enjoys being the center of attention, and she’s happy she’s keeping the rest of the group from going out of their minds

Poppy Patridge- Whenever Eddie comes back from a mail run or Wally returns from his adventures, Poppy automatically checks them for any injuries or ailments. She often worries about her friends getting hurt even when they are inside the safe-zone. She often has everyone stop by her home once a week to make sure everyone is healthy

Home- Home is the most important member of the group, considering it as alive. It produces a strangely breathable air both inside and within a certain range, depending on how strong the house is feeling. They only ever allow Wally in unless he has given a neighbor permission. If someone attempts to enter, Wally seems to appear behind them, as if manifesting out of the air to question their actions. Home is usually quiet and kind otherwise, it often watches the neighbors antics, enjoying viewing them from the sidelines.

And that’s what I have for the neighbors so far! Obviously tweaks will be made, things will be edited, but this is what I’ve got so far!

#w1tch.txt #I will make my horribly drawn art of them shortly #please enjoy this handcrafted au at 2:17 pm #welcome home apocalypse #welcome home #home welcome home #wally darling #barnaby b beagle #julie joyful #sally starlet #poppy partridge #howdy pillar #frank frankly #eddie dear #welcome home apocalypse au #welcome home au #au #apocalypse au

[through-lines]

Some Updates

I almost hesitate to make this post because I didn't have much of a presence to begin with, but in case anyone remembers me or is wondering why they're following this guy:

Hey. I'm the fictionkin formerly known as Maverick…kind of?

(warning: this is a very ramble-y blog post)

Backstory:

Let me lay down all the relevant history: I went by Maverick (he/they pronouns), which was essentially a nickname I slapped onto myself for the sake of differentiating myself from other Son/ics shortly after I awakened as him.

I also identified as So/ra (Ki/ngd/om He/arts) and Something Vaguely Resembling A First Level Nightmare/n, but my blog mostly focused on being Son/ic, I only mentioned being a Nightmare/n here and there, and I actively avoided talking about being So/ra for a variety of reasons.

I discovered the fictionkin community in ~early 2016, and made a blog in 2018 in hopes of actively participating in the community. (I was not very successful).

Why I stopped posting to this blog comes from multiple reasons, reasons which continued to evolve as I took some time away.

I considered the fictionkin community my "main" community, but it felt like it was beyond repair and I struggled to relate to any post in the tags

I was horribly anxious and couldn't break out of my shell

I went through a phase of identifying strongly as nonhuman, but in light of the fictionkin community diminishing, nonhuman talk began to felt suffocating--feelings which began when:

My Son/ic kintype up and vanished. One moment I was Son/ic and then the next I wasn't.

I'd like to elaborate on that last point more, because I feel like it would be very insightful and potentially helpful to others, but here's the short of it: I awakened as Son/ic in April of 2018, then he kind of died off at the end of March in 2021.

And, you know…Son/ic was practically the face of the blog, so that was incredibly awkward and I had no idea how to even begin to address that, especially because kintypes traditionally don't just spontaneously vanish into thin air. I just waited for him to come back. And he didn't.

Well, he did, actually, two years later... He just wasn't me. He was also never me to begin with.

So who am I?

I'm So/ra. I'm a Nightmare/n at my core. I'm not Son/ic.

Son/ic identifies a lot with nonhumanity and being otherkin. I do not! I am nonhuman, but I'm also very much human. He was also responsible for a lot of the agnostic feelings "I" had about the origins of my kintypes; I've found myself much more adamant about my spirituality since we've separated ourselves (whereas he's remained more "I think it's spiritual but who really knows").

Pronoun Update

I don't use they/them anymore.

I've had beef with they/them pronouns for a while. I mean, "beef" is a bit dramatic. But I found myself wanting a very unique set of pronouns that were very gender neutral and something about they/them/their has come to be…weirdly gendered to me? Which wasn't very satisfying to me.

Enter "ve". Proposed singular gender neutral pronouns for the purpose of referring to individuals of undetermined gender. But also, I once upon a time tried to workshop Dream Language pronouns, and got stuck on them starting with a "v" sound, so that was frankly just perfect.

(Pen) Name Update

Regarding "Maverick": I never identified very strongly with the name and only used it for convenience. When Son/ic disappeared, I had less reason to identify with it. He doesn't identify with it either--in fact, he calls me Mav out of habit.

As for what to call me instead (besides just So/ra)…I've been workshopping a pen name idea.

I don't remember what my name as a Nightmare/n was, but I speculated for a while that the reason I was drawn to the "v" sound was because my name started with a V. So I thought, hey, I don't know if it's really my name, but how I use it like a nickname. Something that starts with a V, something nature-y.

Vernala. From vernal (relating to Spring), and an -a at the end because it sounds cool.

So I was thinking of combining the two in some way. Like So/ra né Vernala. I think it looks nice, and it's totally unique (0 results on Google!). Very identifiable, right?

URL Update

Also, I forgot to mention:

This blog's URL used to be @/chaossed. I've passed it on to Son/ic because it is a nice URL, but it's very specific to him. Hence, my current URL is unchaossed.

I'm not sticking with "unchaossed" forever, that's just a placeholder until I can decide on a better URL.

I think that's about it. I let myself ramble because I want to treat this blog like an actual blog and not just a platform to post reblog bait, but uhhh maybe this would benefit from a concise summary.

TL;DR:

I am So/ra and a Nightmare/n. Son/ic turned out to be a whole other guy.

I no longer go by Maverick, and I'm experimenting with new pen names.

My pronouns are he/him/his and ve/ver/vis.

P.S., Son/ic doesn't front very often (and also tumblr pushing a shitty update immediately after his blog was made killed most of his desire to use it), so keep that in mind if you decide to check out his blog.

#i forgot what a chore censoring names is. ew. #my posts #about me #fictionkin #this is probably not as coherent as i think it is but that's fine

[longitudinalwaveme]

Longitudinalwaveme Reviews Old Comics: Detective Comics #555

Detective Comics #555 was published in 1985, shortly before Crisis on Infinite Earths, and features two stories. The first story, “Returning Reflections”, was written by “Jason Todd” (actually Doug Moench), drawn by Gene Colan, and inked by Bob Smith. It’s the second part of a two-part story where the original Mirror Master (Sam Scudder) and Captain Boomerang arrive in Gotham and get into a fight over who’s the better criminal (I’ll review the first half when it arrives in the mail). 

Here’s what goes down. 

The cover, which unfortunately has much better art than the story inside, was drawn by Paris Cullins, Dick Giordano, and Anthony Tollin. It features Captain Boomerang and Mirror Master fighting one another while a giant Batman looms over both them and the city. “Captain Boomerang battles the Mirror Master to the death!” Unsurprisingly, neither Captain Boomerang nor Mirror Master actually dies in this issue. In fact, nobody dies in this issue at all. 

The whole story is narrated in the form of Jason Todd, the second Robin, writing down the events of the case in his journal. (That’s why he’s credited as the issue’s writer.) As such, the story begins with Jason explaining the events of last issue. Captain Boomerang and Mirror Master both arrived in Gotham City to rob a museum. After being scared off by Batman before they could get any loot, they decided to have a contest to prove who was the better criminal. In order to win the contest, Captain Boomerang stole a mirror from Mirror Master’s hideout, shaped it into a boomerang (because of course he did), and then used it to hypnotize the Mirror Master into becoming his slave. 

Batman, Jason, Commissioner Gordon, and Harvey Bullock meet on the roof of police headquarters to discuss their plan to capture the two criminals. After commenting on the fact that the sky is red even at night (as a result of the upcoming crisis), Batman explains that he’s going to have Harvey Bullock carry a valuable jade necklace out of its exhibit in the hopes that Boomerang and Mirror Master will both try to steal it. Once they are out in the open, Batman will be able to defeat and capture them. 

Bullock is so excited about getting to play a part in the case that he swings his arm widely and accidentally breaks the Batsignal, much to Jason’s annoyance. 

Batman then dresses up as Matches Malone (much to Alfred’s distaste) and goes to “spread the word” about the necklace “in one Gotham sleaze-pit after another”. As Matches, he gives the phony story about the police being so scared about the potential of Captain Boomerang and Mirror Master potentially stealing the necklace that they’re going to move the necklace out of the museum before the exhibit closes. He claims that, to avoid attention, Bullock will be handling the transition alone in plainclothes, but that there will be plenty of back-up out of sight. “I’ll tell ya...if I had me any fancy mirrors or trick boomerangs, I wouldn’t hesitate a second”. Captain Boomerang, who is at one of the bars, overhears this and decides to send the hypnotized Mirror Master to steal the necklace from Bullock for him. 

“I’ll use my puppet Mirror Master, and if it works, I’ll have pulled off the perfect crime...for which I’ll later make Mirror Master confess--while I abscond Down Under with the loot. And if it fails, Mirror Master will be immediately carted off to prison. There’ll be no loot, but at least I’ll still be free--having obviously proven I’m the better criminal.” Oh, Digger....

Also, Digger’s hair is super-extra-poofy in this issue, and his face is craggy even for him. 

Digger uses a radio to tell Sam (and Sam’s horribly-drawn, semi-featureless face) to meet him at the museum so that they can steal the necklace. Once Mirror Master actually arrives the next night, however, Digger tells Sam that he’ll need to commit his caper on his own, then tells him to attack Bullock once he arrives to retrieve the necklace. Unbeknownst to Digger, Batman and Robin are watching the whole scene. However, because Digger didn’t show up, they have to alter their plans and allow Mirror Master to take the necklace in the hopes that this will, in turn, lure out or lead them to Digger. 

Also, while he’s retrieving the necklace, Harvey Bullock references the movie Maltese Falcon, a movie which I know solely because there was a Transfomers comic from the original 80s Marvel run that took its plot almost wholesale from that movie. 

“Me, I sure am glad Mirror Master an’ Captain Boomerang ain’t murderers!” An interesting comment from Harvey Bullock that serves to reflect the differences between Gotham Rogues and Flash Rogues even at this relatively early stage. 

Mirror Master attacks and ends up stealing both the necklace and Bullock’s car. He also kidnaps Bullock himself. It’s also worth noting that the art in this sequence is really bad, almost to the point where you can’t really tell what’s going on. 

Jason Todd is upset over the fact that Bullock was kidnapped, but tries to hide this fact by pretending to be annoyed with Bullock’s incompetence. Batman isn’t fooled and Jason has to admit his affection for the old cop. 

Mirror Master takes Bullock and the necklace with him to his meeting with Captain Boomerang, who flies in on one of his flying boomerangs. Yes, he has flying boomerangs that can support his weight. Digger Harkness can do anything with boomerangs. 

Mirror Master reveals to Captain Boomerang that he was never hypnotized. “Fool! You can’t hypnotize me with my own strobe mirror! When the mirror boomerang first pulsed in my hand, I simply closed my eyes!” Mirror Master played along and pretended to be hypnotized in the hopes that he would be able to double-cross Boomerang and use him as a scapegoat for the theft. When he didn’t show up, Mirror Master had to think on his feet and ended up kidnapping Bullock to ensure his getaway. 

We also get more of Mirror Master’s horribly-drawn, semi-featureless face here. It’s really unnerving, but not in a way that I think was intentional. 

Mirror Master then hypnotizes Bullock with the strobe mirror and orders him to “commit my first murder for me--shoot the Australian Rogue!” This is another interesting comment that seems to confirm that he, at least, had no body count at this point. This, combined with Bullock’s early comment, also highlights the fact that the Flash Rogues took much longer to become murderous than did most other supervillains.

Bullock tries to resist, but the hypnotism is too strong for him to shake on his own. Luckily for both him and Digger, Batman and Robin bust through the window (in a horribly-drawn panel), and Robin kicks Bullock’s arm so his shot goes wild and doesn’t hurt anybody. 

Batman, Bullock, Robin, Mirror Master, and Captain Boomerang get into a fight that ends with both villains being knocked out and captured. We also learn that the “necklace” Bullock was carrying was actually just some of the broken shards from the Batsignal, so that there was no danger of the priceless neckace being damaged in all of the chaos. The issue ends with Jason noting that his journal entry describing all this “couldn’t even pass for a comic book”, which is really meta. 

Also, the art for the final fight scene is pretty terrible. The action is really hard to follow and most of the individual figures are badly drawn. 

Overall, this is an entertaining story with really, really terrible art. It’s too bad the art is so bad, because with a better artist (or maybe inker) this could’ve been a great Flash Rogues vs Batman story, in the way that the first part was. 

The second story in the issue is a Green Arrow tale called “The Case of the Runaway Shoebox!” It was written by Elliot S! Maggin and drawn by Dick Dillin and Dick Giordano. It’s a fun little story with much, much better art than “Returning Reflections”. 

Tune in next time for the review of the first half of this story, Batman #388! 

#flash rogues #mirror master #captain boomerang #batman #batman comics #dc comics

[viastro]

f-failing musician! junhui... crying to you... because he doesn’t feel like he is providing enough you you... and you wipe... away his tears... and he lays his head.. on your chest while... holding onto your waist... because he’s scared you’re gonna leave him for a rich guy...

[3:28 am]

ミ★ word count: 1,618

ミ★ notes: I hope I did the prompt you wanted JUSTICE !! 

 How you and Junhui met is rather iconic, if you do say so yourself, but it’s also cliche. You were walking home from a long day at university, you had a five hour lab for chemistry and it made you want to eat your own ass. You were only in your second year, but you were already taking incredibly hard classes. Needless to say, you were exhausted and have been exhausted since the year started. However, it all seemed to fade away once you heard the sound of a piano playing, and for some reason you became drawn to the tune. The area you lived in was popular to buskers, so you’re not surprised that someone is busking at this time. 

However, you were surprised at the fact that you found yourself interested even though you literally had one of the longest days of your life thus far. You saw the small crowd around the piano that sat underneath the cherry blossom tree, the cafe in front of it is the one that set out the piano a couple months prior. Not many people have played it though, so that was your first time hearing the small piano being played. You took a few more steps until you finally caught sight of the person playing the gentle tune, and you found yourself in awe.

Not only was the song he’s playing beautiful, he was too. His brown hair laid softly against his forehead, the small breeze messing it up slightly. His nose is strong, matching his side profile. He glances up at the sight of a cherry blossom petal falling, making him smile, and it’s like your breath was stolen from you. His beauty is truly unmatched.

Once he ended the gentle tune, you’re the only one who clapped, startling him a bit. He looked over at you and he swore it was love at first sight for him, to which you argued:

“Love at first sight doesn’t exist stinky.”

“Oh yeah? Then why are we in our third year of dating.”

“Because we’re in love?”

“Yes, and that’s because we both got heart boners when we first laid eyes on each other.”

“Heart boners??!!”

“I rest my case.”

It’s been four years since the first day you met, and a lot has changed. You’re no longer a university student with a horrible sleep schedule trying to obtain her bachelors, no. You’re now a struggling child psychiatrist who is indeed, still lacking sleep. You’d say that’s an upgrade.

While Jun is pursuing a music career. He got a bachelors in music performance, and is now an aspiring pianist. He’s slowly getting more and more into the limelight, being asked to play the piano at more events. It’s rather exciting, but at the moment you’re the one who is the breadwinner. You always tell Jun not to worry, and to just keep going after his dream, and you’ll tell him when you’re starting to struggle.

What you don’t know though, is that he worries all the time. He shouldn’t be that worried because his career is doing decently well, and his manager is helping him perform at more events, but he can’t help but feel… afraid? Sometimes he thinks he’s not good enough for you, and that you deserve someone with a more stable job. Someone who can help provide more money and food at the table than him, because it’s what you deserve. You’re worth more than what he gives you.

That’s why he’s at an art gallery opening right now, playing the piano to provide entertainment as the guests pile in to go see the paintings and sculptures. He’s letting himself become absorbed in the song, focusing on the soft feeling beneath the pads of his fingerprints with each key he presses. Yet, there’s a lingering feeling in the back of his head.

insecurity.

✿✿✿✿✿✿

You let out a sigh when you finish making dinner, feeling satisfied at the fried chicken you made. You already sneakily ate one, but don’t tell Jun. After your mini snack break, you wash all the dishes, placing them neatly in the dishwasher to dry. You head over to the couch once you’re done, sitting down and pulling out your binder to start looking over your clients profiles. You hear the door to your apartment unlock shortly after, and you turn to see Junhui step inside. 

“Hi Junnie!” You call out from the couch, and he gives you a small smile. His black hair is parted more to the left, showing off his forehead and strong eyebrows. He’s wearing from fitting slacks, a black dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and zoo wee mama he looks good.

“How was it?” You ask, picking up the binder from your lap and placing it back onto the coffee table. 

Jun stares at you, noticing how tired you look. He takes a glance at the binder you just set back onto the table, realizing that it contains information from your work. He can smell the food you cooked for dinner as soon as you got home, and he feels his heart constrict in his chest as the thoughts plague his mind.

“Junnie?” You call, noticing the way Jun stands there, looking tired. He looks away from you once he notices his eyes filling with tears, but you’re faster.

“Baby, why are you crying?” You ask, getting up off the couch and walking over to him. You glance up at your boyfriend, noticing how exhausted he looks. You cup his face with your hands, wiping his tears away with your thumbs. He leans into your hand, letting out a small sob at your comfort. You grasp his hand, leading him to the couch. You lay down and he lays on top of you, resting his head on your chest, arms wrapped around your waist. 

You stroke his head, feeling him cry more, his tears soaking through your shirt. It takes ten minutes for his sobs to calm down to slow tears falling past his eyes. He mumbles something, and you’re unable to hear it. “What was that Junnie?”

“I’m sorry.” He says a bit louder this time, making you raise an eyebrow.

“You have nothing to apologize for, baby.” You tell him, and he shakes his head in response. He sits up, making you sit up with him. He looks at you and you watch as another tear escapes his eye. Jun looks down at your lap, feeling another round of tears coming up.

“I’m not good enough for you.” He mutters, you open your mouth to object but he begins again.

“My career is so unstable, yn. I’m hardly getting enough gigs to help pay the bills, and I just. I feel so useless,” Jun cries, resting his head on your shoulder. You feel tears fill your own eyes at the sight of your boyfriend breaking down in front of you. “Yet I always come home to the scent of dinner, and the sight of you smiling at me so fondly even though I can hardly help support us.” 

“Junnie-”

“You should find someone who can support you, someone who has a stable career.” Jun says, feeling more pain fill his heart once the words escape his mouth. You let out a small sigh, rubbing his back as he cries more. 

“I could find someone who can help pay the bills, like a doctor or a lawyer, but they could never be you.” You tell him softly, and he removes his head from your shoulder to look at you with a shocked expression.

“What? Is that so surprising? Why do you think I’ve stayed for four years, knowing very well what I was going to get into.” He bites the inside of his cheek and you give him a small smile.

“I don’t want someone who can help provide more, while that would be nice, I don’t want anyone else. Your career may be unstable at the moment, but you’re getting so many offers now than you were a year ago. Don’t doubt yourself so much baby. I always tell you that I’ll handle things because I want you to focus on your career, because I believe in you and your talent.” You wipe the last of the stray tears from his cheeks, and he just stares at you with eyes full of appreciation.

“Yn…”

“I love you so much Junnie, you’re my person. I don’t want anyone else if they’re not you. Don’t worry about me baby, just make sure to tell me when you’re feeling like this next time, hm?” You whisper and he nods, looking down at your lap again.

“I can’t believe I was so lucky to be blessed with such a loving girlfriend.” Jun giggles, and you smile. He looks back up at you, reaching up and resting his hand on your cheek.

“I love you.” Jun says, leaning in and pressing his lips to yours. His lips taste a bit salty from his tears, but they’re as soft as usual.

“I love you too.” You mumble in between kisses, tangling your hand into his hair once he swiftly lays you onto your back from the seated position, and that’s when he decides to pull away.

“I would love to continue kissing you, but I smelled fried chicken when I walked in through the door.” He points out as he looks down at you, making you burst into laughter.

“I see where your priorities are.” You poke his cheek and he lets out an angelic laugh, making your heart warm. He leans down and presses one more soft kiss to your lips.

“My priority will always be you, food is a close second.” 

“As it should!”

#wen junhui x reader #junhui x reader #jun x reader #seventeen fluff #seventeen scenarios #seventeen jun #seventeen #seventeen au #viastro requests #junhui fluff #junhui au #junhui scenarios #jun scenarios #wen junhui #wen junhui scenarios #moon junhui #moon junhui x reader #moon junhui scenarios

[lorewytch]

Character Bios!

The next few posts will feature character Bios of my OC characters for the Ducktales world as well as pics both in human forms and duck forms. I hope you enjoy this!! First up is Lore.. More will follow! Lore The Dimensional Witch

“She’s got....stars in her eyes!”

Name: Lore (????)

Age: 15-18 (depending on the time period she ends up in Duckburg. She does get turned into a kid 10-12? Once by a spell in Duckburg though. See picture above.)

Hair: Pink; long and wavy.

Eyes: Human color is blue and Duckverse are black.

Birthday: July 13

Sexuality: Bisexual (Slightly confused about it though. She thought she was straight until one certain world she ended up in)

Favorite Activities: Reading, adventuring, Ghost Hunting, visiting antique shops, watching anime, treasure hunting, mythology, solving problems.

Favorite Dessert: Crème Brulee Fudge

Favorite Color: Purple

Weaknesses/Character Flaws: Klutzy, is emotionally unstable, Noir and anything to do with her world, will run screaming from bees, secretly believes she doesn’t deserve to be loved or have a family, hates horror games, has serious issues with gore (Will possibly faint), has no strength physically, keeps people emotionally at a distance unless they break through her walls, has serious trauma from her past that can completely destroy her emotionally and physically.

Strengths: Magic, knows quite a few martial arts, giving advice, talking her way out of a situation.

Personality: Fun loving and adventurous, Lore never says no to diving head first into an adventure depending on which world she visits. She has a calm personality and rarely gets angry. Rather focusing on the positives than negatives of life, she likes to help people who are struggling and although can use her magic sparingly, will use it to help those in need. That being said, there’s a sadness that lingers around her that appears once others mention family and saying goodbye to friends or family. She’s one of those that can listen patiently to others spill their hearts out and give advice she believes will help them. Some of her quirks can be that she’s klutzy and can have questionable sense of direction. (Wait which way is west again?!) Even during confrontations, she tries to remain positive until the last moment. Certain things can set her off, such as treating friends and family as expendable and useless. Also, pushing too hard into her past may result in her running like a scared rabbit. Very few have she allowed to look past her smiles to her hidden side. The truth is she is prone to anxiety and depression. But even as she struggles through her own pain, she still drives herself foreword. She hopes to find something as she saves the worlds she visits. Maybe a family…maybe friends…maybe something else…

 History: One day when she was 14 she found a strange looking opal in a local pawn shop. She was drawn to it like a moth to the flame. Like a piece of her soul that had been missing and returned home. The mysterious shopkeeper she purchased it from left it with her with a warning. “Once you start…you cannot stop.” She really should have taken that warning seriously.

During a life or death situation, Lore found the necklace held magical powers that fused with her body. At first she was shocked, going back to the old man she was told that this item belonged to a being known as a Dimensional Witch, that it was given to him shortly before her death for the next witch.

Lore was excited and began to practice her magic non stop. She hid it from her family because of their negative views towards magic.

But one night, something horrific happened. Torn from her world and at the brink of total insanity and depression, Lore was forced to travel from world to world. The only way she found she could travel was to destroy these weird creatures known as anomalies every world she visited. Once the anomalies were destroyed or captured a new portal would open to the next world. She was doing all she could do just to survive. Frantically and mindlessly she continued this process, realizing that when she did something was changing within her.

As she went through these worlds she made friends and enemies alike. She learned so many things from those few worlds and it brought light back within her life. Slowly she began to smile again and find a new purpose in her life. She would help people in the worlds she visited as well as save the world.

But as she would come to realize…forming ties in worlds not her own had terrible costs.

Life is a learning experience and Lore has just about made every mistake in the book. But she was driven to help others. It wasn’t until she met Clix and Styx that things began to change once more for her. Not only were they the only people who remembered her after she left their world…Clix making sure to stick a communication device on Lore’s wrist before she left; but they were a constant source of support as Lore traveled through her next few worlds. After one specific world, Lore began to want something more…something than what she had been doing the past year.

And an accidental encounter in the Ducktales world, with Scrooge McDuck only solidified that feeling. She missed having a family. But even she knew that could never happen. No matter what she couldn’t stop in one world. It was too dangerous to the world itself and the people that lived there.

Still she kept being sent back to that world to defeat more and more anomalies. Lore became seriously worried that this world was different than the others. Not just because one family in particular was paying special attention to her when she was around. She tried to keep her distance, after all…constant contact in the world with people could get them hurt. But it seemed trouble followed Scrooge and his family no matter where they went, So Lore decided to help. Small things at first. She couldn’t divert the events too much in worlds for fear of horrible results.

But she did protect them when they needed it, finally resulting in revealing herself to the entire family.

But every time she leaves the world, they forget about her. Sometimes they remember when she returns.....but their memories are foggy.

Every time she visits.. her heart hurts because it feels like goodbye all over again. But somehow the portals keep opening back.

Its rare for her to come back to a world more than three times.

She’s been here at least six times already.

#Ducktales #OC #Lore #Character Bio

[sonderatc]

Triumphs & Failures: The Life of Sonder ATC (as it is right now)

As the rebrand of Sonder ATC is happening, I want to use this blog more. So, as my first official post on here, I'd like to say a few words about the past, present and future of Sonder ATC.

Early Life

Sonder originally had many titles.

For year one, I was in a group where we just all just as a group decided we'd be "Bagel Productions," with no rightly reason. For my independent projects, I went by "Finite Productions" because I was edgy and cool. Later in the year, I became a part of another group, "Fanny Pack Productions" (we were 8th graders, give us a break) and helped them with their final video once we were done.

The Fanny Pack Productions slug had a horribly played flute cover of the Harry Potter theme music.

RT5 & Transmission into Sonder

The first recorded mention of Sonder is from late September, early October. During this time, I was a bored student waiting out the year. I knew I was planning to take the Film II class at my school, so I got to planning the branding for next year.

I was brainstorming for the following year, and at the time, four of my friends were planning to take Film II with me. So I made concepts for a brand called "The Red Table Five" (god, it just makes me tense up hearing it), because we always sat at a red table in the morning.

The whole name and logo always felt incredibly forced to me, so I quickly abandoned it and started work an another one.

As I started to flesh out the brand, I had realized a few things.

I didn't want to limit it to anyone, especially the amount of people. Everyone's welcome.

I wanted it to feel home-y, and cozy.

I wanted it to be natural, not forced.

So, continuing on and thinking of these three things, I found the word Sonder; the realization that everyone has their own life. That's one. Two, to me a hand drawn aesthetic and a nature vibe sounded the best, and that also includes three. This is the thought process that delivered the original, classic image.

Something about birds have always fascinated me, and finches are stunning. The birches are quiet, but tough visually.

Trying to find a matching font for the title, I stumbled across Papaya Sunrise, which is a lovely font I still use.

After pinning down the aspects and details of the style, I made some accompanying graphics and banners too.

I did make a few and came prepared, but in the end they just lied dormant for months. That is, until Film II.

Call to Action

It was finally time for Film II, and Sonder Films was ready for action. Creating School of the Future, Untitled., Monotony, and many others that we don't like to discuss. I'll breeze right past most of it because it's basically a year long crunch of scripts, shooting and editing. However there is an important detail.

Every year, the instructor of the class sets two requirements for all videos: they have to be shorter than three minutes, and they have to revolve around a theme. Why a theme, you might ask? Well, that's because of a little student film competition called Future Voices of New Mexico. Fire, 10, the future, for ten years they had a new subject. Ours, of course, was the future.

Nearing the deadline for submissions, it was one giant scramble for video submissions, especially for year two. Most of us didn't like some of the forced, awkward videos we made. And we did them as a group, so anyone could claim them, but we each had to turn in a video that no one else had. First come, first serve.

A little background on the School of the Future, our assignment was to create a video about school culture. Having no idea what this meant, we mostly did what we wanted and spat out some old-timey looking nonsense. We liked it. It wasn't great, but it didn't have to be. It was our first video of the year. Everyone liked it until the instructor ripped it apart. The way he worked was he had a vision of how he wanted it, and would arbitrarily give the students room to be creative, but in the end be angry when it wasn't what he wanted (even though he never said what it was). So we ended up scrapping it after the rough cut, that is, for a grade. On my own, I made a final cut, and let it sit on the YouTube page.

Now, come the deadline, I only had three things left to submit, two were over three minutes and one of the two wasn't about the future. So there it was, School of the Future. Yeah, I was proud enough to turn it in. I wanted to willingly, actually. But when I said I was going to, the teacher ridiculed me and said that I shouldn't. Multiple times. And sarcastically said "what do I know, I've been in the film industry for more than 20 years."

So I turned it in to the film competition,

And low and behold: first place winner. Of the comedy category, that is. And hey, something I helped write, edit, and graphics for also won third. So look at that! Two awards in one year.

Wrapping up the year, we all had a school arts showcase, where our videos would play among other things. There, I sold my book that I had been working on for three years. I was excited to finally publish it, and hey, I also had a following from my film brand. As I was advertising it, my old English teacher walked by and saw it, saying that she is going to have a creative writing class next year and I should join. I told her I would love to.

I know Film wouldn't last forever, so I slowly transitioned from Sonder Films to Sonder ATC near the end of the school year. The year quickly ended after that, and summer came.

The next year came,

And as it did, so did creative writing. Planning the next big thing, I shortly came up with the idea to publish a series of our works about a week into school. I made a proposal, gave it to her, and recieved it with overwhelming enthusiasm. We launched a Kickstarter, which you can visit at tiny.cc/atczine, and have raised ¾ of the goal in three days.

And that's where we stand right now. The near future is to make a book, but I can't tell what the far future is.

Eventually, I will leave ATC, and Sonder will become something of it's own. And by that, I mean I'll go to college, bring it with me, and just place the school name after Sonder. I'm hoping it'll become Sonder Ithica, but no one knows what the future holds.

And that's where I'll leave it. I know this was long, and probably no one read it, but maybe I will in the future. Or some historian, looking into Sonder's history will when it becomes famous. Who knows.

Thank you.

- Jonny

[khirsahle]

oh goodness, SO many of the writer ask questions about teenage wasteland (all these years on,

Oh man, THANK YOU for still reading along all these years later!

4. If you could change anything in [title], what would it be?

I really dislike the way I dealt with Greg and Kessler in the original story. I went for flat bully rather than trying to treat them as people, so they feel quite clunky to me now. I see it/explain it as Billy seeing them as flat bullies, so of course they come off that way in his POV, but I don’t know that I threaded that needle well enough.

...it’s possible I would have pulled back on the extreme angst in Space Oddity if I did a re-write. But then again, I’m not so sure. While it might make it more accessible to more people, I ended up pretty proud of that one--it’s one of my favorite stories I’ve done.

6. Which scenes did you cut, and which were added in [title]?

SO MUCH was cut and reworked from Teenage Wasteland! So, so much. I had a whole original second part, and my wonderful beta at the time (Aud!) eviscerated it. Like, she utterly blew it up. I deleted...God, maybe 20k?...and rewrote it. Thanks to that, we have the pool scene, Coney Island, and more that I feel is the real soul of the piece. She was right, but fuck it was painful.

10. What are some facts readers may not know about [title]?

Lesse. I wrote part one of Teenage Wasteland for the Yuletide exchange. It was extra long because I felt guilty for turning in such a weak story the year before. The original giftee never read it--or if she did, she didn’t like it, because she never commented.

Speaking of comments, however...I had no idea people liked it. I had to change my email shortly after posting for personal reasons, and I forgot to swap over my email on AO3. When I didn’t get any comments, I figured that no one really liked it, so I mentally shrugged and moved on with my life, always vaguely intending to write a second part but not in any rush. Because here’s the thing: I’m perfectly happy with the story staying in my head if other people aren’t into it. Maybe that makes me shameless, but I’m not one of those writers who has to get the words on the page to be satisfied. I can be 100% satisfied with a fully fleshed out book that never hits the page or is shared with others, so when there’s not a strong interest in what I’m doing, I lose the drive to finish and share it. So here I was, with the story in my head and set to stay there forever when I stumbled across someone online talking about my story. I was incredibly startled. I went to AO3, and lord have mercy, there were lots of comments I had never read! And someone had drawn art.

Part 2 was finished in record time, because now people cared, and I felt horribly guilty for leaving them hanging. Comments = joy AND guilt = more fic, faster.

Another fact: Jamie was an inside joke about Multiple Man. No, he’s not really Multiple Man, but he was inspired a little by him. I added him into the fic because I needed someone for Billy to, you know, talk to other than Teddy. Samantha is “Sam” because my friend and I used to pair Jamie and Sam Guthrie in an rpg we were in, so, another inside joke.

I based Billy’s brownstone off of the street where my partner used to live. It was just below the upper east side and was beautiful. I based Teddy’s apartment building off the place where I lived. I even roughly stole the layout of my own Brooklyn apartment, except I added an extra bedroom.

Many of the places Billy/Teddy go are based on dates or friend dates I’ve been on. My friends used to ask why I was taking so many notes during karaoke. Well, joke’s on them.

Oh! I didn’t remember that Billy was originally from the Upper WEST Side until after I’d already placed him in the Upper EAST Side. Oops. I toyed with having him move mid-story, but then he was randomly moved to Chelsea in Volume 2 and I got pissy about that. (I’m going to try not to go off, but I have deep suspicions about why they moved the Kaplans from the UWS to Chelsea.)

Finally: It is not based in any comic book fact, but in my mind, Teddy is a Brooklyn boy through and through, and he has the faintest whiff of a classic Brooklyn accent.

[elexuscal]

Fanfic: Bound

Summary:  At first, Pearl had no reason to chafe against Pink Diamond's final order. There were too many other things to concern herself with, and it was like Rose had said: no looking back.

Through life and death, love and birth, peace and war, Pearl realises she just what a complete betrayal it always was.

Warning: spoilers for A Single Pale Rose, and content warning for everything associated. 

Bound

In the moment Pink Diamond gave that final order, Pearl didn’t care. She didn’t have time to. The enormity of the deed they were about to commit loomed on the horizon, filling up the entirety of her mind with uncertainty and terror and giddiness and wonder.

She wanted to do this. She truly did. She wanted to discard her old life for good, to live free, to be whoever she wanted to be.

It was just hard, letting go of almost everything she’d ever known.

In the days following, Pearl did find a few quick chances to think more about the order. She had some… uncertainty regarding it. Had binding her really been necessary? Surely Pink— Rose knew that she’d keep any promise asked of her, without question.

But it had felt solemn. It had felt important. A fitting way to mark Pink Diamond’s demise.

And surely, Rose was right. In this new world they created, why would there ever be any reason to bring up the past? Rose Quartz would always be Rose Quartz, Pearl would always be Pearl, and there would be no need for anyone to doubt those facts.

Then the Corruption came.

In that timeless length after, when the grief and horror was rawest, there were moments when Pearl thought she couldn’t bear it.

Garnet— or Ruby and Sapphire, they couldn’t always manage to stick together— would be there. Crying. Or not crying at all, looking hard as stone. Pleading with monsters, fighting with them, staring at their bubbles, or else, just sitting on the barren ground, lost in thought, or time-streams, or something else altogether.

And Pearl would imagine throwing herself in front of Garnet, and telling her the truth. The whole of it.

It’s my fault, mine! I’m the reason they’re gone! I faked Pink Diamond’s death, this was all vengeance on behalf of a Gem that’s whole and well—

But she’d choke on her own words.

Garnet would notice. No matter how lost she was in her visions, sooner or later, she always noticed. And she, or Ruby and Sapphire, would wrap an arm or two around Pearl’s slender frame, and rub her back, an offer of silent comfort. Even though they didn’t understand what precisely they were comforting her for, Pearl would accept, and offer comfort back.

Later, she decided, this was for the best. What consolation would the truth have given Garnet? Either way, their friends were all gone.

The final order wasn’t something Pearl thought of much at all, in the millennia that followed.

It only came to her after Steven was born, and even then, quite some time afterwards. When the boy was nearly up to about Pearl’s waist.

Pearl had spent the day teaching him about astronomy, explaining about the solar system, and stars, and asteroids. Steven hadn’t understood much, but he’d marvelled at the projections Pearl had summoned from her gem, and drawn scraggly pictures, and proudly announced that one day he wanted to be an astronaut. Pearl had laughed at that, and so Steven had laughed too.

He was returned to Greg shortly thereafter, and Pearl was left thinking. She wasn’t sure if she’d ever be able to take him into space— they had no working ships left, none at all.

She could tell him about it, though. Not just these generalities. About the other planets she’d seen, the space systems she’d flown through. The radiant colours of nebulae, planets that were covered entirely in oceans, floating cities which could only be built where gravity was only a fraction of Earth’s.

… but she’d seen all of that in service to the Diamond Authority.

There were ways around the binding, of course. Pearl was clever. She knew she could be vague in the right places, direct the focus of the descriptions. Those tales wouldn’t have to risk Rose’s secret.

But what if Steven asked? What if Amethyst did, or— or Garnet? No, Garnet wouldn’t, she’d always respected Pearl’s reluctance to speak about her past, but the other two—

Pearl didn’t know what would happen, and it scared her.

Steven grew. He grew and grew and grew, and learned so much, and Pearl was so, so proud of him.

And then he heard, from a Homeworld Ruby: “I saw the traitorous Rose Quartz shatter Pink Diamond with my own eye!”

Pearl’s hands flew to her mouth automatically. She wasn’t even planning to say something, but the thought of That’s not what happened was still enough to trigger it.

Then she saw Steven.

He looked like someone struck to their core.

She wanted to tell him, tell him then, No, that’s not how it happened, Rose never killed anyone, never would have, she loved everything and wanted it all protected and—

Of course, even if she could speak, she wouldn’t have done so there, surrounded by enemy Rubies. That was something she’d have chosen to share in private. Just for her family, as Steven would have called them.

But it wasn’t a choice, was it?

Hours and hours later, they were in their stolen Red Eye, and Pearl was finally starting to calm down. They’d found Steven. He was there. He was alive. The red was starting to return to his cheeks. He was breathing, and talking, and laughing, and safe.

… and then he asked why none of them ever told him about Pink Diamond.

Garnet answered. She was the only one of them who could.

And it was horrible, hearing her tell these lies she wholly believed. Pearl just sat there, hands on the ship’s controls, lips a thin line, unable to stop herself from listening.

Garnet’s story ended. Steven seemed mollified.

Pearl told herself she was, too.

Then one day Steven stood defiantly in the middle of the living room, face scrunched up in anger and frustration, an old human journal in his hand, demanding answers.

The journal’s picture of the Palanquin was colorless, but Pearl could see it, vivid pink in her mind, the air thick with the scent of hibiscus and oncoming rain, screams and clashing swords in the distance—

And Steven said he’d dreamed of that place. Dreamed.

How? Was he re-living Rose’s memories after all? Was it some other thing, future visions or long sight or a telepathic connection, and if so, with who—

Pearl wanted to ask, but she can’t, she can’t, she can’t.

“Please, you’re making Pearl very upset,” said Garnet.

“No! I’m upset!” yelled Steven.

She can’t, she can’t, she can’t

“We’re. Not. Going. Rose never wanted you to see this place!”

“R- Rose wanted? What about what I want!”

Steven was right, he was completely right. Steven was the one here, with her gem, and his own human heart, and that order Pink Diamond gave so long ago could never have considered this.

But it wasn’t just that, either. Steven wanted to know, and Pearl wanted to tell him. And Garnet, and Amethyst. They deserved to know too, surely? And surely Pearl deserved to loosen that crushing feeling in her chest—

She said, in her mind, What about what I want?  

Garnet was worried. She wasn’t telling Pearl why, concerned that her friend was on the verge of some emotional meltdown. That in itself was one more source of frustration.

Pearl wanted answers, an explanation, but there was only so far she could push without an explanation of her own to offer.

Steven and Greg disappeared. Some days later, Garnet did too. Then she came back. Steven was with her. Greg was not.

He’d been taken to the Zoo.

Returning there was like walking into a dream.

Pearl remembered when the Zoo had first been built. Pink Diamond had been so excited. Her own little collection of humans, in the prettiest of colours, all safe and warm and protected. She could visit them whenever she wanted.

Later, Rose Quartz had soured on it. The carefully conditioned environment was so pale compared to natural human encampments and towns and cities. Even Pearl had been able to appreciate that. There was barely any art here, no music, no chance to choose when they ate or slept, or even their own partners.

They’d discussed ways of disbanding it, but couldn’t figure anything out. To have Pink Diamond close it would have seemed immediately suspicious to the other Diamonds. To send rebellion fleets to raid it would have been dangerous, a waste of both time and resources.

“We can’t risk getting our people shattered for so few humans,” Pearl had said.

Rose had nodded. “Yes. We’ll get them after. They’ll be safer here than on a war-torn planet, anyway.”

That was the justification for the Rose Quartzes, as well. It was truly, truly regrettable how they’d taken the fall for Pink Diamond’s rebellion, but better safe in a bubble than on the front lines. They too would be retrieved after.

But there had been no after. Their spaceships had all been destroyed.

In the magnitude of everything else she’d lost, Pearl had found it hard to care.

She cared now. Not just from the pain of being plunged into a role she thought she’d escaped forever. Not just from fear for Amethyst and Ruby and Sapphire, trapped in this viper’s nest with her. Not just out of worry for Steven, thrown into the same Zoo— prison — his mother had made millennia ago.

Worry for Greg. She was worried for Mr. Gregory Universe.

Later, only after Greg had been rescued and everyone was safe, Pearl marvelled at that.

She marvelled at how excellent she felt, in general. She had a stolen spaceship, she’d insulted an Agate to her face, her whole body was thrumming with rebellion, and they had been victorious!

It was enough to convince her, for quite some time, that everything was alright.

Then Steven turned himself in to Homeworld.

Pearl floated in the water, throat and eyes burning, as Steven announced his identity as Rose Quartz, and Aquamarine took him in.

Everything was a gray flurry of pain after that. Her hands worked automatically at repairing a drop ship while her mind was a million miles away. Her memories swam with protocols for questioning, trials, imprisonment and executions. There should be time to get to him before he was shattered, but...

-but what if those protocols had changed? What if, when confronted by an ‘assassin’, the Diamonds rushed immediately to the harshest punishment?

If only Steven knew. If only Pearl had told him. She had no idea if it really would have helped, if he would have believed her, or the Diamonds would have believed him, or what the fallout would have been be if they had. But surely anything, anything, would be better than this.

This is my fault, she thought, eyes misting up so violently she couldn’t see the tools in front of her.

And then: No. This is Pink Diamond’s.

Later, when Steven tore away from her, tears running down his face, oblivious to the words Pearl was choking on, she thought: No. Rose’s fault.

When Steven came to her, asking if she’d shattered Pink Diamond, Pearl had no idea what brought those suspicions on. She would ask if she could. She would do so many things.

Instead, she walked herself right out of the room, and spent the next hour cleaning swords. Then the next mentally preparing a new training routine for Connie. Approximately thirty minutes spent attempting to perfectly recall musical compositions from 14th Century Japan. When she realised she already remembered them all, she went to vacuum every inch of Steven’s room that she could reach.

Steven came to talk, again, this time with a message from Pearl that she had absolutely no recollection of writing.

A text saying: I want to tell you, but I can’t 🙈

For a moment she was confused. Then an idea unfurled in her mind, along with the realisation she must have already had it.

Oh. Oh, she was smart.

She told Steven to go find her phone. She was allowed to tell him that. He was confused, but hopefully, he would understand soon.

Pearl lost track of things, after that. Her body was still vacuuming. The rhythm was simple and calming like nothing else was, and it required no real guidance from her mind.

She’d heard the human idiom ‘lost in thought’ before, and never had it been so appropriate.

At some point, Amethyst showed up. She asked, “How you doing?”

“Fine,” said Pearl.

“Cuz ya seemed kinda… off, earlier.”

“Mmm.”

Amethyst stared at her. Distantly, Pearl knew she should find this uncomfortable, but did not have the mental energy to do anything about it.

“Have you seen Steven?” Amethyst asked.

“Yes,” said Pearl.

Silence.

“Where?” asked Amethyst, leaning forward.

“The battlefield.” Pearl could see him in her mind. She could see everything. It seemed so much more real than the Beach House.

She could see Steven’s horror when he discovered the truth. He was in her mind. She could feel it.

After it was all done, Pearl felt untethered.

Something around her throat had loosened. For millennia, she’d always been bound to someone. Now, that final pink rope had been cut, and she felt like a human boat with a broken sail, slack and directionless.

There was a lot of crying. From herself, from Garnet, Ruby, Sapphire, Amethyst, Steven. It all blurred together.

Eventually, Pearl fell asleep.

She wasn’t even aware it had happened. Those handful of times she’d tried before, she’d had to lie still and stiff, thinking intently about not thinking. This time, she simply became so exhausted that she tumbled into it without realising. Once there, she did not dream.

When she woke up, it was dark.

She was lying on the couch. She could not recall how she’d ended up there— perhaps someone had carried her. They must have laid the blanket over her. There was something pressed against her calf. Looking carefully, Pearl discovered it was Amethyst, sitting on the floor, head slumped on the couch’s cushion, some saliva dripping from her mouth. Steven was on the other couch, tucked into a small ball, snoring quietly. Next to him, in an almost identical pose, was Peridot. Off to the side, Pearl made out the slumbering mass of Lion, his chest rising and falling softly. The animal’s mass half-blocked another shape-- or shapes-- also covered in blankets. Was it Garnet, or Ruby and Sapphire?

Pearl supposed it didn’t matter, as long as the two were together.

She felt no need to go back to sleep. Carefully, so as not to disturb Amethyst, or anyone else around her, Pearl eased herself up and got to her feet. She would go to her room and… think.

Evidently, she wasn’t as quiet as she thought-- or perhaps Steven wasn’t sleeping as deeply as she’d assumed-- because as she passed, his eyes blinked open.

“Pearl?” he murmured, bleary.

She said nothing, just smiled at him faintly. Pearl saw the slow realisation as memory crept over him.

“Are you okay?” he said, shifting a little.

“I’m alright,” Pearl said, and to her own surprise, it was the truth.

He looked between her and the stone door. “Please,” he said. “Can we talk?”

“Of course,” Pearl said. He got to his feet, and seemed to hesitate a little. Pearl recognised what he wanted, and took his hand. It was soft and warm. Side by side, hand in hand, they walked into the Temple.

AN: between my masters and querying for my original novel, i barely have time for fic writing, but after that ep, i had to write something

[dies]

#steven universe #a single pale rose #pink diamond #pearl #fanfic #su fanfic #i really really love pearl and want to hug her

[sinkingorswimming]

Since you all liked Hikari and Hinata so much in the future!Taker verse...

The sound of a door slamming is uncommon in the Katsuki-Nikiforov household, enough so when Victor hears it he almost drops his teacup right in front of his slippered feet. 

In the summer the kids will close the sliding doors far too hard as they run out to the beach to swim, but this was an inside door. Hikari’s, if he has to guess. Sundays are homework days for her and to rest from ice and rosin-protected parquet, and it’s the scheduled week for his lapochka’s trip to Tokyo for work. He should be arriving to Tokyo station for his connection to Shibuya shortly, Victor notes as he checks the time. 

Victor sets his drink on the counter, wading through dog bodies who follow their Oldest Hooman to her door. There’s a sign on it in lavender glitter with her name in kanji, Cyrillic, and English lettering she made in school for an art project.  Victor knocks. “Lisichka? Is everything alright?”

“Go away,” comes an upset and angry sounding 12 year old voice.

Victor’s eyes widen---while Hikari tends to dote a little more on Yuuri, she has no standoffishness towards him. At least, not normally. “Hikari? What’s wrong? Please let me help if I can.”

“It’s gross,” she says.

Victor blinks while rubbing his hand through his hair. “I don’t...” He pauses. “Why don’t we try talking it out? I’m sure I won’t agree.”

There’s silence and then the door is flung open. Hikari’s hair, neatly plaited when he last saw her an hour ago, is now a disheveled ponytail. She had on a pair of pants and a sweater, but now she’s back in her pajamas. 

What breaks his heart is how miserable she looks. He opens his arms and after several moments of a wary stare, she falls into them. After a couple of minutes, she begins to cry. 

“Lisichka,” he says. He strokes her hair several times. 

“It hurts,” she says. “It hurts a lot, and everything’s unfair.”

“What hurts?” he asks, beginning to sound an alarm in his head. Is their doctor open today? If not is there an emergency clinic he can take her to? He’ll send Hinata to the onsen, have him stay with Mari while---

“My stomach,” Hikari says. “I have these cramps. And I---” she stops herself with a frown. “Can we call Otouchan? Or Mari-oba?”

Victor pulls his phone out of his pocket and selects his first contact. It rings twice before being sent to voice mail because---right, he’s on the train. He can’t talk. 

A few seconds later, though, there’s an iMessage. Hey. What’s going on?

Victor passes her the phone. “He can’t speak on the phone, so tell him this way, alright?”

Hikari nods with a wet sniffle. She types furiously and then waits for a response.  When she gets it, Victor can feel her relief, but she’s still horribly sad and frustrated. “He says to get me some NSAIDs, a heating pad or hot water bottle, and to let me just lie down for a while after both.”

Victor doesn’t understand at all, but he goes to the medicine cabinet in the master suite and grabs a bottle of Meridon. He gets her a bottle of her favorite aloe drink, and he lets her take two pills chased by the beverage. She still looks like her world is ending, and Victor longs to fix it. 

He gets her a heating pad and she takes it with a sad nod. Then she lies down on her bed with her knees drawn to her chest. She turns the pad up to high when it’s placed low on her stomach and just breathes for a while until her expression smooths.

Victor checks the texts. Have Mari, Yuu-chan, or the triplets go to the pharmacy to get her pads. I’m not sure what will work best since it’s her first one. Also if she asks for anything like chocolate, salty foods, or red meat, let her have it. It’s normal when this happens.

When...what happens? Victor can’t help but ask. He thinks pads and chocolate are some kind of major hint, but he’s blanking.

Her period, Vitya. She just got her first period. 

Victor stares at the phone like it’s a cobra that just bit him eight times. What...but...she’s just...she’s a baby still! She’s so little! She hasn’t grown up enough for this! He’s not old enough for this! Are you sure?

Blood in her underwear, painful cramps, out of nowhere bad mood...yeah I’m sure. We eat twice a week with my older sister---I know the signs pretty well, I’d say. 

Victor tries not to fall to the ground. He’s not ready for this. 

I’m not ready for this.

Not your call. Try to be gentle but don’t press her too hard or be too invasive. Give her the snacks and don’t bother her about competition weight or costumes. Caffeine is a bad idea, it may make her cramps worse. And get her the pads ASAP, she’s making do with less than ideal options since we didn’t have any in the house.

Okay. I’ll do all of this. Thank you, lapochka. I miss you and wish you were home.

I do too, I feel bad not being there. I’ll see if I can reschedule some of my meetings and come home a few days early.

Victor’s palms are sweaty. He wipes his right hand off on his trousers. Thank you, lapochka. Miss you. Love you.

I love you too. I’ll let you know about coming home. Call me if you need any other tips. 💙

I will 💙💙💙💙, Victor replies. He walks back to the kitchen and takes two ibuprofen himself with a sip of his now-cold tea. He texts Mari next explaining the situation, and Mari gives him brand names and thicknesses for Hikari to choose from as needed, but there’s a big footie match in a half an hour and she can’t leave the onsen. 

He orders from Amazon Now and forty minutes later, he has the pads. He knocks on her door before opening it. “Hikari, your Otouchan told me what happened. I um---got you things.” 

He holds the pads like a bomb. Hikari gives him a confused look at first until she realizes what he has. “Can you put them in my bathroom? I’ll...get one soon.”

“Yes,” Victor says and puts them within easy reach of the toilet. He leaves, and he gives her a look. She hasn’t moved and her eyes have closed again. He honestly doesn’t know what to do, and he feels ancient, and she’s his baby and this is too soon.

“Papulya?” she says, soft and timid. Not the force of nature she is normally. His heart shatters. 

“Yes?”

“Can you lie down with me?” her voice is watery again. She sounds scared, like every breath is a struggle. 

He couldn’t refuse if he wanted. Her bed is a bit small for them both, but they manage so she doesn’t have to move out of her comfortable position. Daifuku tentatively joins them at their feet with a sad expression, the other dogs crowding the floor on her side of the mattress. 

Hinata peers around the partially-opened door. He adjusts his glasses in a way that’s 100% Yuuri, and Victor misses him more than he ever has. The family is missing a large piece on an important occasion and it feels wrong. Victor gestures over Hikari’s back, and Hinata climbs onto the bed as best he can. 

Hikari manages to doze off, Hinata as well even though they both hate naps, and Victor checks his phone. 

How is she? Is everything okay?

Not quite but it’s better, Victor responds because Yuuri will be displeased if he lies.

I’ll be home Wednesday evening. I’ll call in a couple of hours, too,  and let her know. I’m so sorry that I’m not there.

Nothing to apologize for, lapochka. You cannot read the future. We’ll make do until your return. 

Okay. I’ll still call later. Probably after I get dinner. If she wants to stay home tomorrow, go ahead and let her. She may feel akward, or she may not feel well enough.

I think I’ll just tell her to stay home regardless.

Okay. Let me know if you have any other questions or if she needs anything else. Tell her I love her.

I will. Thank you. Love you.

You too.

Victor locks the phone. He strokes his daughter’s back while his son’s glasses go askew as he turns his face too far into Victor’s chest. None of them in this bed are ready, but they have to be anyways. 

It’s what growing up means. It’s been a long time since Victor has, but that hasn’t changed. Truly, he suspects it’s simply a constant, that there’s really nothing more permanent than transformations and adaptions.

#dommi speaks #your heart is the biggest gift you can give anyone #'cause i'm a taker 'cause i'm a giver it's only nature #future!fic #victuuri fic #their kids #cw period #cw menstruation #sorry hikari :C

[palztothewalls-blog]

It’s the end and the beginning...

“I love the person I’ve become because I fought to become her.”

I’ve made it! Day 14 post op. Thank you for taking this journey along with me. I honestly could never have mustard the strength to do all of this on my own. Here’s a little update of the last few weeks.

Surgery went fairly predictable for being something that has really never been seen. They got to the tumor and it appeared small, until they started removing (decompressing) the bone surrounding it.

(To clear the air of confusion, my tumor from the get go was not going to be removed. It is located in my brain, right at the inner portion of where the ear canal essentially starts. The purpose of leaving the tumor was to provide me the esthetics of having a face with as much normal function as possible. If the tumor was removed, I would have experienced anywhere from 6 months to almost 2 years of severe paralysis that likely would only return to, at best, where I am today with function. So it stays.)

All of the bone was removed and the tumor grew substantially. So in all actuality, my tumor was larger than imaging showed because it was so compressed. When the bone was removed, the tumor expanded greatly in size. My doctor couldn’t give me an exact size but I will find out on my next scan in about six months, just how big it is. All in all, the surgery lasted somewhere between 4-6 hours? I’m not sure. It was a long time.

When I initially woke up, I was quizzed on the basic questions, who was I, where was I, what year, day, month, who was president, how old was I. Basically, I failed them all. Horribly. As you may have read from a previous post, I was a 27 year old unamed woman who had NO idea where she was but I’ll be damned if I got the president right. Obama. Giggles ensued with the staff as they ask again. I was so sure I was right. Shortly after my failed attempt at answering the questions, my family came in the room and I was getting the answers right…. back to ol Trump being the president haha!

So after that challenge, I experienced another, less funny problem. I remember screaming (okay repeating the beautiful word fuck at the top of my lungs) because I was in so much pain. My head hurt, sure, but my biggest complaint was my left shoulder. It was horrible and I was left with minimal function of it. My heart rate was 100-130s and my blood pressure was pretty elevated 150s/90s. Because of all of these complaints, the NP in the ICU had some concerns that I was experiencing symptoms of a heart attack. She had some labs drawn on me, and shocker, they came back elevated. Triponin is a level that shows stress on the heart, and anything >0.12 is indicative of a heart attack. My first level was 0.11. Repeat a couple hours later was 0.12. By this time, it’s the morning after surgery. I had no idea by this time what was going on. The NP came in and told me all of this and said my EKG was normal and long story short, my elevated levels had nothing to do with my heart but was because of the prolonged and aggressive surgery. The levels returned back down to normal on the next draw.

Sometime in the night, about 12 hours after surgery, I had my 18 million IVs saline locked (okay 4), art line out, and foley cath out. I was tickled fucking pink because I was told this would likely be 24 hours after surgery. I was up allllll night walking to the restroom and back. My momma, bless her heart, was up all night with me. It was awesome…. for me to be up and moving. After the heart debacle, I got transferred to the neuro med surg floor and I accepted it as a challenge to get out in 24 hours. I was shot down when I saw the doc in the ICU about the idea of going home, go figure. So I walked my ass off literally all night. Sunday morning, doc came in, took off that horrid compression on my head and gave me the green light to go home. No more than 30 minutes later, 48 hours after surgery, my ass was in the car ready to go. I maaaaaaaay have already had everything packed at like 5 am knowing I was kicking ass haha.

So Sunday was awesome. Monday came. F my LIFE, Monday was hoooooooorrrrrrible. My shoulder pain was pretty much the devil, the pain in my head felt like I had the cast of Drumline in my brain, and I was exhausted. I some how made it through the day knowing Tuesday would be better. WROOOOOONG. It sucked just as bad. Maybe more. But then Wednesday came. And I’ll be darn, I felt alright. This whole time, my parents have been awesome in caring for me, making yummy meals and doing anything and everything to help me. God bless them.

Thursday came and I was ready to go home. From there, it’s only been downhill? Uphill? It’s been awesome. Each day I have felt better and better. My pain is essentially gone. My pre surgery symptoms have almost all disappeared. I no longer feel like I have a 20 pound mass in a 2 pound casing. My memory has finally returned to normal although there are a few things from pre surgery that I can’t remember were real or a dream. I still have pain, but the pain I have is from the trigeminal neuralgia, which is caused by nerve damage (in my case hector pushing on that nerve). I’ll likely always have this pain, but for me, only having this is totally doable.

So, the next step? Hopefully never having to go through this again. If symptoms return, I’ll do the big whammy of a surgery to remove hector and graft a nerve back in the spot. Fingers crossed that never happens!!!

So to finish out what I hope to be my last post about hector, I’m going to share a list I’ve been creating of things you never knew until you have a brain tumor… and surgery. It’s fun to see the progression I made as the list goes on Enjoy!!

Headaches all of the sudden seem scarier because you know they are a sign of a growth in you, of which you have no control over.

People look at you differently. Like long sweet eye gazing looks. Like I have super human powers, or I am so pretty that they can’t stop getting enough of my beauty.

Free stuff. People all of the sudden want to gift you with items, drinks, food. Listen, I am not complaining. This is the best!!

Unsolicited advice. It comes flying in. Try this or try that. Essential oils, rub them on your head. Eat all protein, the ketosis will shrink it. Exorcism. Plexus! Beeeaaacchhh body! Have you tried low carb? How about the spleen of a donkey? Drop it. It’s unsolicited and I don’t want it. Thanks though!

You cry a lot. I mean, I cried a lot prior to my diagnosis because everyone thought I was crazy. Now I cry because I have a flipping brain tumor.

Naming it helps. It really does. Hector is an a-hole. But his little 5 letter name has nothing on me. I’m badass… that’s 6 letters of strength.

Friends and family respond in weird ways. Some look at you like you’re still the same ol spunky ass you are, while others think you’re a delicate flowers, and then those who just can’t even be friends anymore. That’s cool. I don’t need you in my life either, I got this!

That silly cancer “this is my fight” song is all of the sudden totally applicable. Tears. Lots of them. I am a strong woman.

The reality of needing to shave part of your head becomes oh to real. Like my hair?! This?! I JUST grew it out!

“Well thank God it’s not…” “It could be worse.” Literally words you hear constantly but are in no way comforting. True, I’m not going to die tomorrow. BUT, I still have an abnormal growth of cells that, if untreated, will ultimately likely kill me due to pressure on my brainstem. So thank god for that!

Finally having an excuse to stay in. Before people thought I was just making up my fatigue. Now I have a $6000 image to prove why I have fatigue. I should sell that image for art!

It’s like you’re wearing a stamp on your head saying “tell me all your horrible friend/family medical issues.” I’m not sure why this is the case. I mean, it doesn’t help. Should it make me feel better? I’m not sure here.

Blogging is essential. While it means the WORLD to have the support, love, and prayers from everyone, it is extremely exhausting keeping everyone up to date. Blogs fix that. And I happen to love writing so it’s a double win.

Having that “one” friend is key. While people want to support you, they often can’t fulfill the need to your requirements. It’s because they haven’t gone through it. They don’t get it. That’s okay. Find that someone who does get it. They will be your best friend who really gets it. Traci is my gold.

All of your daily fears are gone. Instantly. While I want nothing more than to be a wife and mother, it’s no longer on my mind daily. I just don’t care. Drama is stupid, always has been, but now I really don’t care.

MRIs suck. Bad. Open MRI? Not an option when it’s your brain. And it requires hours of imaging, all the time. I mean, I’m practically a walking nuclear power plant with all of the imaging I’ve had.

Speaking of MRIs. They are loud. Like 10 motorcycles sitting in this tiny little tube with you. And, the beautiful noice makes your insides shake in synchronized rhythm. Word of advice… don’t have one if you have an upset stomach. It’s bad.

You rarely get to wear your own clothes in the MRI. All metal must be out. Usually you get a fashionable moo moo that wraps around 10 times. Super comfy.

Let’s keep on the topic of MRIs. I legitimately feared I was going to be ripped out of this thing by a zombie. Apparently it’s a common fear to have. Who knew?!

You immediately get initiated into this little “special” group of people. I have met people from all over this country within a few weeks. It provides for great friendship and resources for doctors that may fit you well for your specific type of tumor.

Every day, you say to yourself “I have a brain tumor.” Every single day. Initially, it was every second of every day. It was literally all I could think. Now it’s maybe once or twice a day. A random thought about it, mostly just when someone else brings it up, and then move on with life.

It never gets easier to say though. I have a brain tumor. Nope. Never easier. Just starts to roll of the tongue easier lol.

I have a lot of anxiety, now a million times worse knowing what I know.

I really hate talking about Hector. A lot. It makes my anxiety escalate through the roof.

Appointments. The devil. Impending doom. What will the next step be? I certainly can’t sleep before them.

While speaking of appointments, one must paint their toenails before the neurology appointments. It NEVER FAILS, the nurse will say “take off your shoes and socks and the doctor will be right in.”

Then there’s brain surgery. You hope you get some superpower from it. Me? I wanted to come out speaking fluent French or Spanish. No such luck.

Brain surgery really is that bad, initially, but after a few days, life gets better and you start feeling like you again.

Remember that fear of shaving your head? It’s gone after you do it. Now you have a badass scar that provides endless amounts of strength.

I love my scar. It’s beautiful to me. I’m not ashamed, and you should never be ashamed of a battle fought hard, no matter if the scar is inside or outside.

All those appointments you had before surgery, you will still have them, and imaging all the time after. Will it ever stop? No.

Everyone compares their bad days to my bad days, and it helps them feel better. While I am happy my illness helps you have a better day, it doesn’t matter what the battle is, it’s you conquering and moving forward with life.

May you never forget that. Don’t ever compare your battles in life and try to belittle or expand the severity based on someone else’s life. This is your battle, your life. Fight on. Be strong. Have faith. There will come a day when you wake up after the battle is over and find that joy and peace you’ve been searching and asking for.

After 12 ½ years of battling and advocating, I sign off and pray I never have to return to this blog. Much love to you all and Hector, go to hell!

[fuse2dx]

January ‘20

I felt like trying this for a bit again. 

Untitled Goose Game

Where Journey and its ilk blew up the idea of a short, single-visit game, Untitled Goose Game feels closer to the next evolution of this ultra-focused style of design. It’s a perfect elevator pitch of a game - surmised exactingly in its abstract, and not even needing to commit to a ‘proper’ title… and yet more immediate and relatable than countless other games. Your aims are clear and simple, and a compact suite of commands elicits a range of responses from its environments and characters to help you achieve them. How one begets the other is just logical enough to work for its two hour duration, but does suggest it’s unlikely to have had scope to go much beyond this without repetitive tedium, or becoming bewilderingly obtuse. That’s not to say that it’s challenges are totally intuitive, or even that it’s free of moments where janky controls entangle you - but again, you’ll easily endure through it given how briefly you’re expected to stay. The primal appeal of being a horrible goose is easy to be ensnared by, and is neither overdone nor worn thin, once again thanks to the length of it. Its elegance and charm complements the simplicity of it all wonderfully, and though not revolutionary, or pushing any particular aspect of the medium to new highs, the quirk, laughs and originality of it is the type of bottled lightning that is unlikely to be replicated any time soon. Honk. 

Wattam

It’s a game by Keita Takahashi. You can assume plenty; warmth, charm, whimsy, colour, humour - and you’d be right. Divorced of a big studio and the legion of other talent that comes with it, his solo work continues to be mechanically light and missing a few layers of polish, yet is simultaneously far more experimental and groundbreakingly humane than most anything you could care to mention. Trying to explain in regular video game terms what you do is somewhat redundant, but to at least give it a shot; you play a large green square - The Mayor - who’s initially alone, but slowly coerces its population back, repopulating the world through various interactions within it. 

I’ll be straight with you: I’ve had to rewrite this passage, as some of the first sessions I spent with this drove me up the wall and lead to a less-than-favourable commentary. Fully aware that talking predominantly about how it plays was “doing it wrong”, I nevertheless took to highlight how I found the camera frustrating, the characters’ erratic and independent movement to be testing, and the rapid-fire sampling of children’s cries laid over the jazzy background music to be cacophonous and anxiety-provoking rather than joyous. That I persevered and made it through the rest of the game is not to say I don’t still harbour some negativity towards it, but the last portion of the game did do a far better job of bringing me around to its charms than those earlier moments where I felt a bit too much like I was wrestling with it. I knew I wanted to see it all and to love it; the idea of being on the outside of something so light being quite so glum, but it didn’t come quite as easily as I was expecting. Don’t be too put off, but perhaps don’t also expect it to be completely painless either.

Neo Cab

Neo Cab’s setting shines a miserably relatable light on a dystopian city and the people living within it. There’s an increasingly downtrodden population of gig economy workers, a police state whose corporate favouritism is not remotely subtle, and a growing number of people whose sentiment against this climate is rallying them together, and turning to action. There is not a lot of digging required to expose the game’s politics, or to join the dots to whom it really wishes were held to justice.

Normally when talking about visual novels, or even just narratively-focused ones, I tend to find myself on the back foot, expecting folks to turn off, and having to find ways to walk it back to more traditional game tropes. Here, I was actually quite pleased with how well Neo Cab defies any lack of interaction - to the point where I’d actually be pretty comfortable recommending this to near anyone. A big component of this is set up early on; a wearable device is forced upon your character that visibly broadcasts her current mood for all to see. As well as mood limiting what you’re willing to say (crucially though, not stopping you from contemplating these options), it’s also un-conveniently right there on her wrist for folks to see when they’ve hit a nerve. As a cab driver by trade, branching dialogue options you need to assess are incredibly frequent - and give your cues are often assuming, intrusive, or just plain rude - your management of them becomes all the more immediate and crucial. Ride quality influences your rating as a driver as well as your income, which in turn impacts which rides you can take, who you can meet, and who you can rely on in future. Sometimes your choices are simple, whereas other passengers may be more obtuse, or inadvertently land you in a quandary more moral in nature. It’s not a long game, and while I naturally don’t want to say too much, it does a good job of keeping the focus grounded on its key characters, who really make it all tick over nicely. I thought Neo Cab was pretty great - it’s got a simple but stylish look to it, and gives you just enough to think about.

  Demon’s Tilt

Pinball tables may not have changed much in the layman’s eyes over the years, but video game versions certainly have. In paying quite unsubtle homage to Naxat’s series of tables that blessed a number of 16-bit systems, the passage of near three decades has given Demon’s Tilt plenty of space to grow into. Larger, higher resolution screens gives us bigger play spaces and more detailed imagery, while increased technical grunt lends itself to a seemingly limitless crescendo of frenetic, often incomprehensible action. I mean, why not throw a little bullet hell into the mix? Goodness grief. 

Given my particular fondness for Devil’s Crash, which to Demon’s Tilt is the clearest, most singular inspiration, I was naturally drawn to this. I’d played a little before in early access, but a more complete Switch version was appealing enough to revisit it. I was already safe in the knowledge that it’d managed to build upon and flatter my favourite pinball game without reducing itself to an imitation, but the option of portable play (with a FlipGrip, even) was particularly exciting. As it happens, trying to condense so much to a small screen wasn’t quite such the modern convenience I’d hoped - it’s a neat showcase, but quite impractical to actually play with. Not thrusting yourself within an inch of the screen and having to squint may give a smidgen more a fighting chance, but a bigger display also allows you to appreciate the slick blend of neon effects spewing themselves over the striking gothic imagery. The music contributes yet more welcome intensity to things, and though I’ve begrudged a few near misses and unfortunate bounces, in calm retrospect it’s clear the this is far more a reflection of my skill rather than any lack in ball physics. For those who are practised in ways I am not, the table itself has plenty of opportunity to flex your muscle, but even though my games aren’t the feats of endurance I’d wish for, I’m still coming away each time clamouring to go straight back in. 

198X

I missed this game’s crowdfunding attempts, but after seeing its trailer - a moody and romanticised nod to all things 80s arcade culture - it was very clear this was making a direct appeal to my sensibilities. It’s a coming of age story about a bored suburban teen, whose discovery of the local arcade ‘changes everything’. Now, I love arcades far more than most, but even I found the story to be over-egged. The Kid’s monologuing through the game’s cut-scenes jumps at such breakneck speed that it genuinely made me feel uncomfortable about their state of mind. Pre-arcade, all is miserly and monotone, whereas the escapism they indulge in after this discovery is worryingly unhinged. The pixel art propping them up may be quite tasty, but I think most people will find the story being pushed to be a touch cringeworthy. 

The game that’s book-ended by these scenes are actually a series of mini-games, each clearly inspired by a particular 80s title. In short clips and stills, you could be fooled into thinking these are not just dutifully upgraded, but maybe even improved homages to the given classics. Visually, yes, there is some argument to be made here as there is some terrific pixel artistry being conducted here, but as there’s only about 15 minutes of each to play, it’s no surprise that some corners have had to be cut. Generally speaking, the balance  of each isn’t quite so nuanced, and unsurprisingly this leans towards them being easier than you’d expect, but there’s specific shortcomings in each too. For example: definitely-not-Final Fight has some shocking collision detection, and of particular disappointment for myself, definitely-not-Outrun has but one gear, and hardly any impression of speed. While not fatal flaws, my point is simply that you’d not choose to play these over the original games they intend to pay their respects to. A second part being teased at the shortly-reached end is likely a downer for those expecting value, but I think it’s two-hour runtime is probably just about right considering it’s best viewed as a novelty. 

#untitled goose game #wattam #neo cab #demon's tilt #198x

[jshi610]

Reading response week 2

1. 9.5 Theses on Art and Class

In my opinion, I think good art work could never get away from politics. It’s not something that everyone can get away as a human; and it’s not something that avoiding it will make it easier to look.

When there are movements in the streets, for example the situation in Hong Kong right now, related art works are more sensitive to timeliness and accuracy. Specific events happened in the street can be quickly transferred to related art works and put on social media as an effective propaganda. In this case, I think the ‘quality’ of the art work might not be so important; because art works against time. Seldom is a quick art work a good art work; but in some situations, especially when it is related to news and politics, quickness is a very important feature.

This second line that I would like to mention is also crucial. Artists have a characteristic of Narcissism; as a matter of fact it’s nothing bad at all, because making art works and putting one’s own thoughts in front of the world requires Narcissism to some extend. However, when related to ‘big things’ such as politics, some of them might go too far.

This made me think of another example. Not long ago, Kyoto Animation, a beloved Japanese animation studio went through a tragic arson attack. Many stuff members were killed, and many animation art works were destroyed in fire. Shortly after that, on Chinese social media, someone drew a short manga depicting the victims ‘lost their lives because they were trying to save the art works’. This manga got widely spread in no times, followed by huge controversies- because it was not true, as Kyoto Animation clarified at that time. Many people accused the artist of trying to gain attention for herself over other’s tragedy, and the final result was that the artist deleted that post.

There were something typical in this thing. First of all, from aesthetic angle, the manga was badly made. The proportion of human bodies were badly drawn; the lines were awkward; and the artist put too much deliberate make-you-cry features in it. It almost will make people laugh, if not cry in awkward.

However, this manga did got widely spread and made more people know about this tragedy- people outside the Japanese animation lovers. Even the controversial and debate part is, potentially, made people pay more attention to the studio itself and donated more money because they were ‘disgusted by the artist’s selfish to try to get more followers from this tragedy’. 

The ending is also not a good thing in my opinion. Yes, it was a bad art work; but people shouldn’t have the right to call the artist murder and anti-human, and used this to make her deleted that post. It’s just not right. Art should have no boundaries; but still, when involved with politics situations, people are naturally more strict about it, because behind the black and white manga figures, there were once lived humans.

That’s also one point. Due to the barrier of time, space, language and ideology, human just can’t connect with each other in merely words. However, art work is different. They are lines, shapes and colors. You don’t need a MFA to read the pictures; and you don’t need to understand Cantonese to see that one young protester girl lost one of her eyes by the violent police. Suddenly the barrier disappears. However, then the art works served as a mean to the end, not as a finally product. It’s more like people searched the background story after they saw the art works; and they need the background story to complete the art work. Art work once again become a by-product, just as they did in Medieval times to religion. Is that what we want then?

What it means to be a ‘political artist’? Is it just like a title of ‘oil painter’ or ‘digital painter’? Should it be like that? What’s people’s opinion about ‘political artist’ versus ‘quiet countryside landscape artist’? Should there even be a title called ‘political artist’?

When I was little my family already told me to stay away from politics. After that certain year in Chinese history, who were university students at that time became parents, and they certainly didn’t want they children died like once their classmates. My family told me to do technical or scientific jobs as they stayed as far as from politics. Instead I choose art; but still, there are so many times that I’m not sure if it is safe to bring one political issue up on the desk. That is, including call myself ‘want to become a political artist’.

It is one thing to stand on the shore and watch people sinking in the river, and it is another thing to be the people sinking in the river.  The thing is, I don’t think there are such things as ‘few political movements in evidence’.  Just because you don’t see it doesn’t mean it not exist. In those so-called third world countries everyday political movements are everywhere. They might not adapted in a familiar form to first world countries’ residences, and they might even have the chance to get known to the world before they’ve already been put out by the authorities. So this is an aspect I would like to point out.

And that is just painfully true. There are some fundamentally contrast part between art and politics; they need each other but also try to kill each other in the same way. 

I like the word ‘political aesthetic’ because it made itself sound like a real issue. No, there’s no such thing; everything artist do, think and make is political; we might just not realized that how a small changes in politics may have lethal affects to art world. We are living in a too comfortable situation that make us forget what once it was like. See German in WWII, see Soviet Union and see China now; again, just because you don’t see it doesn’t mean it not exist. We are all on the thin ice now and always, like it or not.

2. Comment section of CNN's Photo section

I must admit that, as a Chinese student, I’m not unfamiliar with the feelings and expressions used in those negative comments. Just changing a few words and those comments might even have a nationalism(or in this case should I say regionalism) feeling hidden behind.

The reason why her work upsets them is simply: those people were assuming themselves on a higher or advantage ground than ‘everyday Appalachians’. Two comments actually mentioned that:’...what's SO horrible about all of these people that you're ashamed to be associated with them...' and ‘Not all of us are backwards hicks.’. For example, when talking about the bad influences(they won't bring jobs to this region) of businesses and industries when they saw 'crap like this', Mindy Miller had already firmly believed that all those people in the photos shouldn’t have the right to have a job. This is elitism; by separating themselves from the ‘general public’, they find themselves worthy and above the average. I don’t blame them for that. This is like a human instinct; when visiting the museum, there are ‘serious art lovers’ and ‘visitors’; when eating in a restaurant, there are 'Gourmet' and 'hungry beast'; human need to divide themselves into groups and start the conflict, otherwise they will have to face the fact that all of us are tiny, worthless and boring creatures compared to the universe.

The second sentence I found myself familiar is ‘Where are they? I haven't seen them.’. No matter whether you see them or not, those people will be there. Living in modern days people always assume they will see enough to conclude that they’ve seen the world- but no. I’ve lived in NY for 5 years now but I only visited Flushing twice; even in my hometown there are so many countryside areas that belongs to my city Nanjing, but I, as born and raised in Nanjing, never heard their names. Back to the CNN photos, it’s only 359 comments; and how many people are there in Appalachia? When facing controversial topics posting on the Internet, sometimes people forget that of all those people involved directly to the problem, only a few ‘top’(both in educational and economical) of them have the condition to type on the Internet. Thinking of the hobos’ issue- how many hobos will be able to check a phone or laptop 24/7 and see what people’s about? Having not seen them can’t serve as a strong argument without further information- if Mindy Miller is an expert Appalachia researcher who traveled through all the parts and met everyone in there- which is hardly possible even if he or she really is an Appalachia expert- then this ‘haven’t seen them’ might be a sufficient argument.

The next line will be '...there are backwards people living in these hills, but there are also extremely intelligent people, ..., who live here.'. It’s funny how Mindy Miller’s comment really is a good represent for those upsetting people, since I didn't find any other one more suitable for picked up and shown as an example. Backwards people can also be musicians, artists and civil right leaders. Asians and blacks(seriously, ‘blacks’?That’s word he or she is using to praise them? I’m glad Asians aren’t ‘yellows’) can, or just say were thought as backwards people during periods American history. I do understand what this line is about, but that was a terrible way of expressing it. In this case, Mindy Miller shared the same aspect he or she hated with Stacy Kranitz- no matter what they were trying to say, they made their ‘audience’ misunderstood terribly. 

Finally, my personal thoughts over those photos is they are technically and aesthetically nicely finished. However I still understand those upset comments and I think Stacy Kranitz indeed had something to do with them- her title, her ways of describing it, and the platform she chose to display it. If that was intentional, and she was prepared and accepted the consequences, them they are successful samples of art.  I think art doesn't and don't have any restrictions, but the maker has to bear the responsibility and risk of her own work.

[getyouraoion]

Another drabble for @riseofthephoenixfallofdestiny​  <3333

~Aster and Aoi have been dating for well over a year now, even moving in together shortly after her graduation. He’s even starting to open up some, which thrills the charmer duelist... But it also opens up the possibility for all kinds of nasty surprises, including one with ties to Aster’s past.

Warnings for kidnapping, electric shocks, and death mentions.

Part 2 of 2.

Aoi groaned, rubbing at the tingling skin around the shock collar. With only a few hundred points left, she couldn't afford another mistake, glancing from the Dance Princess of the Ice Barrier and the canon behind her to the cards in her hand. She'd been dragging the duel on for an hour, taking her time and cracking jokes, but no matter her move, it had to be her last turn. With a wave-motion canon on the field and having been sitting there for six turns just for the humiliation of being thoroughly defeated, she'd either win, or probably die from the resulting force of the shock the attack and canon would give her.

And with only a Magician's Valkyria on her field, boasting a hundred points less attack strength than the princess, she was ultimately done for without a good draw. But how could she draw when her hands kept shaking so badly? How had Zane gotten so addicted to this? If not for the fact she was trying to keep Aster safe, she'd definitely have run home after the first three turns, when the biggest shocks had hit. Underground dueling definitely wasn't for everyone, apparently, and if she had her way, it'd never bother either of them again.

Trembling fingers slowly pulled the next card from her deck, eyes drifting closed. If this wasn't something good, then he'd be getting his hands on Aster... She didn't care what happened to her, but like hell she'd let anyone touch him! “My move-”

“Taking your sweet time about it, too. Come along now, kid. You met your match. Give in and let me have him.”

Her captor's snide tone made her blood boil; how was he so certain he'd win? Sure, he'd managed to destroy all her charmers but Hiita, the familiar-possessed spellcaster sitting her her hand. Even combining her with the Unpossesed trap active on her field wouldn't help, the raven lifting her new card to peek at...

And instantly breaking out into a smile.

“Hey, remember m' charmers?” she called out, plucking the fire charmer from her hand to summon. “Y' met wind, light, an' earth, but never fire. So I think it's time for you t' meet the girl that changed destiny f' both me and Aster, Familiar-possessed Hiita!” The angry sound from her charmer made her lips quirk into a grin and her opponent's into a smirk; oh, how she was going to cherish wiping that smirk off his face! “Next up, Th' field spell secret village of the spellcasteers! S' long as I have a spellcaster out, you can't use your spell cards – An' I've got two. So guess that means y' won't be beating m' next turn, huh? Not that you'll get a next turn.”

Her kidnapper sighed, making a grand show of examining his fingernails while the stage around them filled with holographic branches and trees, creating the small hidden village pictured on the card she placed. “And I can destroy it next turn. You're so cocky. I might've taken interest had he not found you first.”

Aoi shuddered. “An' now I'm disgusted.”

“You should be flattered. My mentor taught me everything-”

“Like how t' be a creep, apparently.”

“Your mentor was nothing but a monster!”

Two sets of eyes turned to the doorway off to the side of the room, though only one brightened at the sight of Aster. As much as she wanted to thank god for his support, she couldn't help but huff at him; why hadn't he listened? If her strategy failed, he'd have them both! “I told you t' stay at th' party!”

With all the grace of an angry wildcat, the pro simply shrugged his shoulders and grinned, still lacking the familiar sparkle, but now sporting both deck and duel disk on his arm. “I don't listen to fools with thick skulls and accessories she'd normally be caught dead in.”

“If y' keep distractin' me, I will be.”

“...Not a joke I needed to hear, Aoi.”

“Love you too.” Shuffling the cards in her hand, she shook her head, turning back to the duel at hand. “Right... Next up I'll play m' Book of Secret arts- It gives my Valkyria another 300 attack! An' I'll add a One-Shot Wand t' Hiita to boost her another 800-” She could hear the numbers clicking into place in her head; He still had 2900 left to his life points, compared to her 500. Her village kept his spell card sealed, the canon across from her powered down for the moment, previous flashing lights halted and dimmed to near nothingness. Unless he had a trap, then-

“And yet, you can't seem to do math. Go ahead, attack me. It'll buy you a single turn to say goodbye.”

Even Aster chuckled, turning her grin into a laugh of her own. The card had been a gift from the pro; if anyone knew her strategy, it was him, the raven-haired duelist shrugging. “Then I can say goodbye t' you, thanks! Hiita, take out his princess.”

“You still can't do math-”

“You can't tell when I have an ace in m' sleeve.” He was right; she was horrible at math, but she wasn't about to admit as much, turning her gaze to the charmer pointing her staff at the Dance Princess. For the first time, she wished she could really feel the heat from the flames collecting at the weapon's end, rather than just the elaborate hologram they were all used to, the grin of both monster and duelist matching. “Unpossessed has a little effect I never mentioned. Y' got around it earlier an' destroyed Wynn by removing her from it's protection, b'... Familiar-possessed charmers gain an extra 800 attack durin' their attack. Which means not only does y' ice princess melt, but it paves th' way for my Valkyria to completely finish y' off! G' for it, girls!”

She'd never before been so satisfied by the sounds of someone being attacked by a holographic monster, nor that of one being destroyed in battle. But she could have done without the screams of agonizing pain, shaking hands barely returning her cards to their place in the deck, disk retracting and holograms fading, before clasping over her ears and making her trembling far more known to her boyfriend.

But it was his gentle touch, hands cupping her cheeks and gently turning her head towards him, that snapped out of her daze. Green-blue focused on the familiar, warm blue of her firebird, the easygoing smile on his face full of fake cheer and incredible worry. He'd been terrified, ready to do anything it took to set her free on the helicopter ride there... Yet now that he had her in his arms again and she could see that sparkle in his eyes, neither one could find an inkling of the worry they'd felt.

“I told y' I was fine,” she teased, pressing in a soft kiss to his lips. His hands moved to her waist in a heartbeat, then further, arms wrapping around her to pull her flush against him so he could return the kiss with an emotion she couldn't quite place. Love was always present, but... Was that fear? Nervousness? Panic? Whatever it was, it was overwhelming, shaking hands grabbing onto his jacket.

Only when he'd pulled back, just slightly, did his smile drop, laying his forehead against hers. “You're trembling... What do you need?”

“Two things.”

“Name them.”

“Get this collar off m' and... Take m' home...?”

He wouldn't get a chance to reply, the words taking the last of her strength to say. At least she wouldn't hit the floor and just make him panic.... Again....

Hours had passed since the duel. Evening had turned to late night, then the early morning hours, a welcome change once they'd gotten to the hospital and the shock collar removed. She'd need to be closely watched overnight, just in case of internal damage from the force of the electricity, but if nothing went wrong she'd be free to go in a few day's time, minimum, news that initially made the weight light off Aster's chest.

He'd not expected it to return once they were alone in the room, eyes trained on his clasped hands between his knees rather than the sleeping form of his lover on the bed. They'd gotten lucky, this time...  The scenario kept playing out in his head; what if she'd not drawn the card she needed? What if her kidnapper hadn't been so cocky and wanted to finish her off quickly, rather than prolong her suffering? What if he'd never left her for those drinks? And the one thought that scared him the most: What if he'd not reached her in time?

As much as he hated it, he couldn't stop seeing her laying there, completely at the kidnapper's mercy. She'd made it clear she'd do anything to protect him; what would 'anything' have entailed? Just knowing someone was so willing to use her against him made his knotted stomach twist into a painful pretzel, fingers curling tighter and tighter against each other, until his knuckles were white from the grip. By all sane logic, she'd be safer without him, left with her parents in Domino where she could live a happy, normal life.

Yet nobody said he was sane with her in his life. Even if it meant she'd be safer, he couldn't see his life without her in it; her sweet smiles and gentle touches kept him firmly on a path he needed, one he couldn't find alone. And above that, he was tired of being alone, tired of living a life walled off from everyone else. She was his safe haven and he needed to have her beside him.

“Frowns aren't a good look on y'.”

His head practically snapped up, relief flooding him at the familiar green-blue gaze and sweet smile of his girlfriend. If there was ever a time he could dance around and sing it was right then, but the words that left his lips said anything but. “Do you even know how much danger you were in?”

“Mhm. And I know I'm still tired and sore, but hey, look! No more shakes!” With the faintest and most tired of laughs, Aoi held her hand out to show him, the other working the buttons on the bedside to raise the top half of the bed so she could sit up. “An' I can breathe easier, too, though my lungs still hurt. Gonna sound funny, b' my hair hurts-”

“This isn't a joke, Aoi!”

Her rambles came to an abrupt stop with his snap, head canting just slightly to the side. He'd not had anger in his tone towards her in years... “Aster... I told y', I wouldn't let him have you.”

“Don't you understand?” His voice was rising, winning him a flinch from the the charmer duelist. “Did you only think of yourself?! I can't do this without you, Aoi- If he'd killed you, I'd- Sacrificing yourself was the stupidest thing I've ever seen you try to do! Don't ever do that- Don't ever tell me not to come after you! You could've been killed! You expect my life to be the same without you? After I've lost everyone I ever shared my heart with!? What were you even-”

Aster too a deep breath, looking down to his hands again. As angry as he was, yelling was getting him nowhere, though it had thankfully expelled the rest of the urge to do something from his system. Without it, anger slowly eased into worry and heartache, face falling with a heavy sigh. “...Don't make me live without you.”

Slender fingers tugged at a loose thread in her blanket. She knew those feelings... They were the same ones she held for him, a love so strong she couldn't stand to think of life without him. Granted she'd never lost loved ones like him, but...

He was right. She'd not thought things through, and it'd almost cost them both everything. The look of pure heartache and dejection on his face made her own chest hurt; what she wouldn't give to hug him tight and remind him she was still there. “...I'm sorry. B'... Aster, I couldn't... I couldn't let him hurt y'. He wanted revenge an'... What happened to him?”

“...Heart attack.”

“I hate myself for saying he kindda deserved it. Actually, nobody deserves that, but... At least I know he won't b' hurting you in th' future. Still I... I can't live without y', either. I love you, Aster – there was no way I was gonna let him get near you. I promised t' protect you, and I wasn't going to give that up so easily.”

“Aoi, please-”

“You listen here.” Scooting to the edge of the bed, she slipped her legs off, bare feet pressing to the floor, and reached out to pull the pro closer to her. In a heartbeat, he was out of his chair, arms tight around her and face buried into the crook of her neck, a sign he was hurting more than he dared to let on. “Listen. I love y', Aster Phoenix, an' maybe I was too reckless. I'm sorry. But I promised you I'd never let y' hurt anymore, remember? I meant it... An'... A-An' I won't. I promise I won't so please never leave m' either-”

Renewing that promise was her own tipping point, hot tears quickly building and falling as she nuzzled her face into his hair. “S-Stay with m' forever- I need you in m' life too-”

Reaching up, the sileverette cupped her cheeks, pulling her into a soft kiss full of love she quickly returned, burying a hand in his hair, the other grabbing onto the front of his shirt – when had he taken off the jacket? It gave her a chance to feel his body through the light fabric, solid muscle underneath a further reminder he was real and not some kind of wonderful dream.

They'd barely parted when he spoke again, lips still close enough to brush against hers with every word, an action that sent shivers through both. “Then spend your life with me, Aoi. Spend yours with me, and I'll spend mine with you. Stay by my side.”

Green-blue widened; she didn't need a blunt translation to know what he'd just asked of her. It was a request that made her heart skip a beat... And lips curl slowly into a smile, nodding her head with it. “Forever. I will- O-Or should I say I do? 'Cause Aster... There's no place I wanna be than by your side f' all time. Now an' forever. B-But y' think you can handle m'...?”

“Only if you swear not to give me a heart attack. I love you, Aoi.”

“I love you too- Oh god, Aster, you're a dream come true-”

Parents always tell their kids, if you wish on a shooting star, someday, it'll come true. Most of the time, that's just a silly story- A way to boost the hopes and dreams of kids who don't know any better. But on the rare occasion, those wishes are heard – and this time, they made my dream come true with you.

#riseofthephoenixfallofdestiny #Part of My Destiny [Asoi] #Mun's drabbles #Long post #Last part tho <333

[canaryatlaw]

okay it’s midnight and I should get writing because I can’t sleep in all day tomorrow which would afford me the ability to stay up later (that sentence was horribly phrased but I’m too lazy to fix it so oh well). today was pretty great! some stuff not ideal but overall still pretty good. I woke up to my alarm at 9 and got dressed and got prepared for our first quest of the day, which was trying to get yet another pair of concert tickets for a KPop band Jess wants to see. This was one she cares slightly less about so we weren’t under quite as much pressure to get the good seats, we were just aiming for the cheap ones. So I put our usual breakfast order in on ubereats and it arrived shortly after she did at around 9:30, the tickets went on sale at 10. Since we’ve had not great experiences trying to get tickets up to this point we wanted to try to maximize our chances of getting them by using multiple accounts (which is probably cheating but tbh idgaf I’m sure the ticket scalpers are doing much worse with many more tickets) so I had my main one up in my main browser and then the one attached to my old email up in another one (it was funny, I logged onto it and it was under the name “Ann”- my mom’s name- and the credit cards stored on it expired in like, 2012 😂) and then Jess had hers up on the chromebook. Unlike the other ones thus far this one wasn’t doing the thing where they had a virtual queue form 10 minutes beforehand, so it was just whenever they decided to let you in. The lack of a virtual queue was objectively a good thing because it meant there weren’t as many people trying to get tickets, but it also meant it was just totally random with everyone who was there at that minute. But thankfully we got in after not too long and Jess was able to snag two tickets before anyone else clicked on them (because it does this really annoying thing where the page with refresh with the available tickets and you’ll click two but when you try to go forward it says somebody else already got them and then refreshes your page and it’s a pain in the ass) and after some slight panic over getting the right credit card the tickets were ours for the least amount of money, so we were pleased with that result. May is gonna be crazy, as it stands we have at least 2 concerts (well 3 for Jess being that she’s going to BTS twice) in the same week and are very likely going to end up with another when the Monsta X tickets go on sale on Friday (and of course for them we’re trying for Chicago and New York, so it might involve a NY trip as well). so that’s gonna be a lot, but nothing we’re not used to haha at this point I think we thrive in chaos. So once we had that taken care of we grabbed our things and headed out to Jess’ car. In case I forgot to mention this up to this point we were cosplaying as Ariel and Snow White in their pajama outfits from Wreck It Ralph 2 which is 100% a lazy cosplay but I really give zero fucks because it was comfy and easy. So we drove down to the convention center, this isn’t in the one that most of the Chicago cons are in out by the airport (northwest of downtown in the top corner of the city) but rather C2E2 is in the convention center that’s adjacent to the loop that happened to be the place that they used for my law school graduation and bar swearing in, so I’ve had some very different experiences in this building, lol. I did my make up in the car and was fairly pleased with how it turned out. Once we got there there was some confusion about parking, we were originally planning on parking in one of their lots that’s right connected to the place so we didn’t have to walk in the cold (we were leaving our jackets in the car so we didn’t have to carry them all day; I was in shorts but was wearing my extra thick ice skating tights underneath them so it wasn’t terrible) but that didn’t end up happening so we had to walk in the cold a little bit but we managed. Later in the day Jess mentioned that apparently all of their parking had filled up and there were people with tickets who couldn’t get in because they didn’t have anywhere to park, so the con probably oversold their tickets in that sense. So we got in fairly easily, it was already opened at this point since we were doing the tickets that delayed our arrival a bit. So we start walking the show floor a bit and then decide we should check out artist’s alley first, but try not to buy anything on our first walk through, just consider stuff. the issue of course is that artist’s alley is generally full of great art, but I have literally no room on my wall for anything haha and I still have to hang up my 3 photo ops from London (though they are only 6x9′s instead of the standard 8x10′s so hopefully that will make it easier) and my Matt Ryan one from Cleveland. so I could really only consider very small things, lol. but there was a lot of cool stuff, always a pretty great assortment of different art styles and subject matters. I spotted a few things I may come back and get tomorrow, we will see. I really wanted to see if they had any art from The Cursed Child but I didn’t see anything, besides one drawing that I’m pretty sure was supposed to be Draco but could conceivably be Scorpius from the way he was drawn (but he was with drawings of the original trio so probably not). still a cool drawing though. so that took a while, though definitely less time than it did last year. So after that we went in search of anybody we might know that was there but didn’t see anybody, so we started wandering the show floor. Now, in terms of not needing to buy anything, this was even worse because the solid majority of it is clothing, and we both already own way too much clothing, especially comics related lol. so we made our way through most of everything, some cool stuff, not managed to refrain from buying anything up till that point. We had checked the schedule for panels at one of the smaller stages (their main stage panels are super crowded and there wasn’t anyone we cared that much about) and Colin Donnell (aka Tommy from Arrow) was doing one at 1:30 and it was like 12:50 at this point, so we went over to the little row of food vendors they had and managed to get some decent food for lunch that we sat and ate before returning to the panel stage and managing to find seats right before it started. It was pretty entertaining, he is very pretty in person, though that’s probably not a shock to many. He talked about Arrow of course but also about Chicago Med being that that’s his current show and it is after all filmed and set in Chicago. He also talked about his background doing Broadway which I wasn’t aware of so that was cool to hear about. one of the questions they asked him was like “if you’re on jeopardy, what category would you want the final jeopardy question to be from?” and I was like “musical theatre trivia” (answering somewhat for myself but also for him) and right after I said that he was like “broadway trivia” haha so I felt validated, that is definitely what I would choose given that question. So that lasted about half an hour and was pretty fun. After that we went back to wander the rest of the show floor that we hadn’t made it to yet, most notably a few KPop/Anime/etc. themed booths that were wild, Jess ended up getting into a conversation with these like high school girls about going to BTS and they were like, unironically fans of them when Jess is only a very ironic fan, and they were like “oh who do you stan??” and then the girl said she stans the one guy Jess hates and I busted up laughing at all of it, I couldn’t stop myself, it was truly hilarious. they were talking about the concert and what nights they were going and the girls were like “oh yeah Sunday’s gonna be tough you know because it’s a school night!” and I just fucking died because they’re clearly like 15. So that was very amusing. Jess ended up convincing me I needed one of the hats they sold at that booth, they were the snapback style with the big plastic letters attached across the top which said “THICC” in pink and I got it for the pure reason to wear to ClexaCon next month and it’s gonna be great, I of course put it on as soon as I bought it too. We then went upstairs to where they host the main stage panels just to check it out, there were a lot of people in very long lines, and I was glad I wasn’t in one of them. So we hung out up there for a while just to chill out a bit. We ended up heading back downstairs to see if we could locate an internet friend who’s working the con but we weren’t able to find her today (probably will see her tomorrow) and ended up finally seeing some people we knew, so we sat with them for a while until they ended up heading out, and after that we did a little more wandering before deciding to call it a day, it was a little earlier than we’d normally leave but Jess was feeling kinda crappy and there wasn’t really anything else we were dying to do so it made sense to just go home. Drove back and got dropped off, I changed into comfortable clothing and didn’t really have anything I needed to take care of so I ended up sitting on the couch and watching the last four episodes of season 5 of The Americans, stopping somewhere in there to make two eggs for dinner (which was a bad plan, I go through weird phases with food and I had convinced myself that I was fine eating eggs but I really wasn’t), and then before the last episode to shower before returning to finish it. This season happened to have a fairly brutal finale, in my opinion at least- trigger warning here for self-harm/suicide. So the plot was basically that they had befriended this family that had just defected from the Soviet Union and for some mildly important reason they wanted at least the wife and their son to go back, so one of the methods they employ is using their fake spy son (not their actual child) who had originally befriended him make things at school really bad for their son to the point where he would be so miserable that his mother would want to return to Russia with him. Well, it didn’t look like it was working, and their fake son ended up advising his friend to “slit his wrists” in order to get his parents attention enough for them to take him back, and the spy apparently “showed him” how to do it without hitting an artery, and the spy is calmly recounting this to his fake parents, saying he was going to do it at 7 pm that night, right when his parents were supposed to get home. Of course their majorly alarmed but were split on what to do because they didn’t want to compromise the mission, but the dad ends up storming out of their fake home and walking to their friend’s home and are trying to get in when his parents arrive, and so they get into the house and sent the spy son up to the other son’s room, and a second later you hear him yelling for help, so they storm upstairs to find the boy unconscious on his bed with blood all over his arms and bed. And I mean, I knew going into this episode I would probably see this (they left the previous episode at a cliffhanger about them intervening) but I really was not prepared for that image. And then of course his parents start freaking out and his mother is just next to him sobbing while everyone is scrambling to call 911 and try to bind his wounds the best they can until the paramedics get there and like.....the whole thing just made me so mad. To be fair, the main characters were very alarmed that this was used as a tactic and think their fake kid way overstepped in doing telling him to do this, but the whole idea of basically risking sacrificing the life of a child for a part of your mission that was not even very critically important meanwhile you go home to your own children.....like how as a parent could you ever live with yourself?? And I mean, I know these are spies that regularly just shoot people, some innocent some not, but like, interfering in this boy’s life to make him absolutely miserable and it culminating in something as horrible as this really just pissed me tf off. and I mean that’s for obvious reasons, this is an intersection of two issues I care deeply about, mental health advocacy and the wellbeing of children. So that whole storyline left me pretty angry. And I mean I know, it’s fiction, this didn’t actually happen, but just to see the callousness to the life of a child portrayed like that was really disturbing to witness. But I finished the episode and then turned the tv off for the night and started getting ready for bed, and shortly after I started writing this and now I am here. It’s almost 1 am and I have an 8:30 alarm set, so I think it is time for me to go to bed. Goodnight babes. Hope you’re enjoying your weekend.

#daily journal #March 2019 #Rachel's cosplay adventures #Jess tag #hit almost 2500 words with this #had a lot to say clearly

[dadmilkman]

i never really post on here personally because i migrated to twitter a few years ago and the appeal of tumblr left me shortly after but ive talked about this topic ive had on my mind on twitter a lot already and ive bugged my friends in their dm’s too much but i still need to get it off my chest so im gonna talk about it some more anyway

in november this past year i messaged an artist hosting a secret santa event pledging to participate, and the next day they sent me back saying, no, i cant participate, because my art looks “too traced”

i dont post my art on this blog much anymore since i started posting it on my sideblog but i do draw fairly often and for years, for YEARS, one of the things that has contributed to my horrible, horrible depression (besides like, everything else) is my very bad habit of comparing myself to literally everyone and everything else. its taken me a long time to start trying to break this habit and not feel bad about my own abilities or skills in comparison to other people, and to this day im still struggling with it. art has been a personal battle for me, as it is for anyone who creates things regardless of what it is, and ive given up, sometimes for months or years at a time, only to eventually come back and start drawing again and then hate how far behind i felt because of all the time i spent not improving any at all.

so fast forward from 2012 where i “seriously’ start drawing to the start of last year, after going through maybe 3 hiatuses where i didnt draw for over 6 months, to where i finally bought my own tablet (after borrowing off my girlfriend or just drawing with pencil) in april and started actually seriously drawing again, all summer and during school even i was just drawing out the ass, all the time, i was putting more shit down than i had for a long long time and it was bad but i was real proud of it because i was creating things! and thats what ive always wanted to do, is just put stuff out in the world. to make things with any sort of permanence. so all last year i was really pleased with my progress and i was even getting better at drawing faces and coloring so i was real pleased.

so i get into a few new hobbies during the year and start following a bunch of artists on tumblr, or blogs that promote other artists, because id gotten to enough of a point where seeing other people accomplished at art didnt make me feel quite so bad about myself as it used to - i was able to look at other peoples success with pride on their behalf and not anger or jealousy. and at this point id start liking a little bit of my own attention, so i make a separate art blog dedicated to my art and my characters. and theres this one artist i really admired. they draw nothing but their oc’s, which is also nothing but what i draw too, and they were popular and everyone liked their characters and they had lots of artists friends they could talk with and do trades with and it was and is everything i wanted to be. i wanted to be that sociable and liked and known, even if it was just among a small group of friends in a small part of a niche interest, i wanted to participate in something.

so i see this secret santa i really want to join, hosted by none other than this artist i look up to, quite a lot. id sent them a few anons before with various questions on things and felt comfortable enough to message them and ask about joining the secret santa. i was finally comfortable enough in my artistic abilities to want to join, too, which was huge for me. so i message them, and wait for them to message me back.

and they do , the next day, and its to immediately tell me that my art looks too traced and that i should “stay away” from their art trade. as any aspiring artist will tell you, tracing photos is good. it helps you get muscle memory and learn perspective, anatomy, blah blah. as long as you dont do anything with it or pass it off as your own.

but tracing photos or god forbid other  peoples art and then posting it online and saying “look at this thing i drew all by myself arent you proud!?” is entirely different, and obviously isnt something ive ever fucking done, but its what they wanted to accuse me of, saying i was being deceitful and that other people in the trade would be mad if they knew. so, no, ive never done that. i never said ive never traced photographs before, i do it all the time to practice poses and anatomy and then i send them to my friend and say “ha i drew my characters doing this thing” and like, thats the only light of day it sees.

but apparently this artist was and still is under the impression that everything ive ever drawn was traced, as if i never put any work into anything. i do. i dont even know how to express that statement enough. i do . i do put hard work into the stuff i make. i practice and i draw and i sketch and no, im not fucking great at art, but it makes me happy and i can draw my ocs and thats really all i want to be able to do, so when someone comes to me , someone i looked up to and admired , and accuses me of being a liar and a fake, it hurt.

and of course i tried to explain i dont trace my art? i used photo references, a lot. sometimes ill take a photograph of myself to use as a reference too. i have a bunch of pvc pipes in my room i use when i need a ref of someone holding a staff or sword so i can make the angles better. i have a reference blog i use heavily and most of the time the outfits i draw are from stuff i see models wearing and want to put my ocs in. but i dont trace it, and that accusation hurt. the only thing i ever “trace” when i draw figures is a stick figure on a pose, IF im having trouble, like this 

and then the rest of the drawing, the lines, the hair the clothes the face, whatever, i draw that free hand, its not like i sit there and trace a whole photo or drawing? and if i did im not gonna...post it online and pretend i did all this hard work? and this is all the same thing i said to this person, i admitted to doing this stick figure technique, and that i sometimes trace photographs but i use it as a mechanic to help me improve anatomy accuracy and not as a cop-out for doing my own work and ive never passed off someone else’s skills as my own like they were insinuating. i mean, is this tracing? ive seen self taught and professional artists (and artists/photographers like senshistock, where i get a lot of refs) use this or a similar stick man figure approach when trying to draw people. i never thought i was doing something deceitful , and not to mention i dont even do this with every thing i ever draw. just stuff with weird angles or if theres a specific pose i want to capture correctly. i cant tell if this criticism reminds me too much of the argument circa a few years ago that using references or photos of any sort at all was cheating, or if this is genuine criticism and its a practice i shouldnt use anymore. which i havent been doing anymore anyway.

it was so infuriating to be confronted with this and have the whole argument portrayed like i was a sham and i was duping people on purpose. “stay away from the art trade” was their exact words. it hurt a lot and it still does, and its still killing my confidence every day. ive been trying to move on from the whole thing but when someone you admire shoots you down like that, i just dont know how to keep going knowing them and other people they apparently talked to about this are looking at my work thinking im a cheat. this has been on my mind nearly every day for 3 months and its killing me.

#sorry this is so long #did they ever fix it so readmores work on mobile honest to god i dont remember #beep beep #im not trying to call this guy out or anything im like ... if i actually did something wrong then fine but #i also talked to several people who said this wasnt an issue #so if thats the case on my end and the other persons end is saying its a problem #idk who or what im supposed to listen to

[kellodrawsalot]

Top five worst Sonic Archie issues

So a while back me and @greenyvertekins​ talked a bit about our favorite Sonic Archie moments, I was thinking of doing a TOp five/top ten favorite Sonic archie issues but honestly the moments I and Greenyvertekis mentioned were pretty much my favorite/best issues. So if you want to read here! most of them are also from the best written arcs so .....

Then I thought, wouldn’t it be fun to do a top five WORST Sonic arche issues instead? :) (warning Im from the Netherlands so my English is bad, feel free to spell correct me!)

Number 05 Issue 172

Going pretty low in the list because despite this being one of  my least favorite issues it should be noted that this was the start from the comic getting better and better at this point, this ugly-face just was the blacksheep from that collection.

Not only was the cover a bad reminder that the comic was seen as bad-furry-romance-drama which I really hoped the comic wanted to distant itself from it, the entire issue is a sadlyalso  bad-furry-drama. It starts off with Amy Rose confronting Fiona Fox about the rumors that she heard from Tails that she is cheating on Sonic with Scourge, (the Green Edgy Sonic recolor) Now the story of Fiona Fox is a pretty sad one, she never had much of a character to begin with. She was first introduced as a robot in her child form to lure Tails into a trap. It turns out that Eggman based her off a real person: Fiona Fox who someway or another was left behind by Mighty and Sonic in Eggman’s prison and she manage to escape but stil holding a grudge and got angry at them for it, That is mostly what I remember her from in the past issues. From then on she would just be background character number 55 a freedom fighter with no dialog, the only times I sort of remember her was that she liked the idea of using guns, and that Sonic was afraid for Tails to be rejected by the too-old-for-you girl Fiona.Sonic wanted to talk to FIona about this issue and she mentions she still thinks SOnic is selfish for leaving her behind but that his sacrifice in issue 125 made her change her mind somewhat, That’s it. Now the weird story behind Fiona is that Karl Boilers planned to use her as a second-love interest for Sonic after Sonic broke up with Sally. Sonic was supposed to enter a relationship with Amy Rose shortly after the Sonic/Sally break up. (Keep in ind that Amy Rose back then was still 10 years old mentally at that time YIKES.) and Fiona for whatever reason was to become a rival to Amy for Sonic’s affections. Now Ken Penders apparently interfered with this idea and Karl and Ken changed it into...Fiona Fox becoming Sonic’s girlfriend instead...out of the blue....out of nowhere. At least with Amy you knew she had a crush on Sonic but with Fiona? why would Sonic ever enter a relationship with a girl he hardly interacted with and with a girl his best friend was crushing on? ..moving on various issues later and writer Karl Boilers and Ken Penders were no longer on board and new writer Ian Flyn entered into the picture it was by then far too late to clean up this mess and I could tell from the comic’s writing that Ian wasn’t sure what to do with Fiona, he tried to give her a more Sally-personality with a bad history but that felt tripped and forced. He knew he had to break the two characters off and he thought the best way to do that was to reveal that Fiona Fox became a bad-girl who fell in love with Scourge due to the events off Sonic 150 (dont worry that issue will be brought up later)

Not only did this came out of no where, it felt forced even if Fiona had no character it felt like she really was just a pawn of a writer not sure what to do with her. It also didnt help that the issue ends in a weird anticlimatic way  and in the next issue most of the characters dont even talk or seem to be phazed with Fiona’s betrayel and  Sonic would be slightly flirtatious with Sally and Amy in the next issue too, (Really Sonic you just got dumped.) The issues saving grace is a cute side story with Amy Rose and Julie Su training together and some decent/good art overall.

Number 04 Knuckles the Echidna issue 32

Yes Knuckles does count as part of the Sonic series, and if the list would be Knuckles comic focused this would have been number one. Not only was this the last issue of probably the most boring arc I ever read It also nailed the coffin on the Knuckles series as it was canned after this issue. It introduced two very uncreative very Un-SegaSonic like characters: Monk and Hunter whose design and motivations are as generic as you can imagine. Ken Penders tries to make you feel for the Monk-character but I dont think anyone was convinced. I own this issue as well and HONESTLY I forgot I even read this issue as a child it was that forgettable, even in my Knucklesfangirl phase as soon as I finished reading the last 3 issues I forgot about it, It also doesnt help that the covers while nicely drawn by Galan were cluttered and too busy, Ken Penders did the book’s art and while he did a perfect job drawing Hunter his cartoon characters were always off-model and the way he draws large mangaeyes didn’t look well. In other words the art wasnt good either.

I only remember these issues  because of @hedgehogscantswim​ review, which I suggest you guys read into as they go into much greater depth on their blog on the flaws of the art, the character designs of Monk and Hunter and the overall big problem the last issue has.  

Number 3 Sonic issue 134

Oh Yeah let’s talk about the big one, let’s talk about the issue that caused many Sonic fans to drop the comic, lets talk about the issue that split the fanbase in half and what made the Sonic-Archie comics the laughing stock of Sonic spin offs for years to come until Ian Flyn joined and the much later soft-Reboot. If the Sally/Sonic/Mina love drama didn’t convince people that the comic had badfurryromance drama this issue sure did.

Sonic sacrificed himself in issue 125 to save the world,  but was transported to a different planet cause science, he survived and had space adventures with Aliens, met up with Tails parents somehow...(Really those issues are all a blur too me at this point.) he came back to Mobuis only to discover a year has passed since then, he reunites with his nowwithlonghair girlfriend Sally and by issue 125, Sally makes it clear to Sonic that she wants him by his side as she is sort-of forced by her parents to no longer be on the battle field. However Sonic cant possibly do that, he is the hero after all, he cant be tied down Sally clearry suffering from trauma after Sonic’s death begs him to stay by her side, Sonic  tearfully tells her he can’t and Sally takes Sonic’s rejection pretty well and says that she knows being a hero is in Sonic’s blood and decides to reject her parents wishes and join her boyfriend and the rest of her friends on the battle field.

No wait Never mind, she SLAPS him across the face and calls him Selfish and breaks up with him afterwards.

Not only did this issue came in the worst possible time when the Sonally/Sonamy ship wars was rampant in the Online Sonic fandom communities. The motivation and reason for Karl Boilers to do this was in such a bad taste as well. Karl who MOST Likely was aware of the growing popularity of the Sonamy ship and the hatred the sonamy fanbase had for Sally, from people calling her a marry sue, a slut because her lack of pants, ugly due to her brown color sceme, and other funny-horrible things because shipping is serious business, Probably wanted to win and be favored by a part of the Sonic fan base and had outlined plans to have Sonic and Amy Rose become an official couple in the comics. (Even if Karl wrote Amy Rose as a 10 year old mentally girl with a body of a 12 year old together with a 17 year old teen Sonic.) They had to become a couple. How to do this you ask? by breaking Sonic/Sally up and portraying  Sally out to be a selfish cunt of a woman, not only was this so disgustingly out of character and a slap to the face to the sonally and Sally fans, it was all to make the fans to transaction to the idea of Sonamy instead. It didnt help Sally’s position in the fanbase and she along with Chris and Elise would be among the list of the most hated characters where extreme Sonamy fanbrats now had valid proof on their side.It would take years for Sally to recover. To add insult to injury the only nice thing about the issue is the introduction of new artist John Gray (whose animish-cartoondisneyish style was colorful, pleasant and very pleasing to the eye! was more then needed at that time since the art quality standards was low back then. )John has stated he did NOT like working on this issue either due to the content and story. I am so thankful that Sally has been much better written for years now.

Number 02 Sonic Super Special issue 07 Crossover with Image Comics

Where to start with this, oh boy oh boy. I put this very high on the list because this has to be one of the worst crossovers spin ofss I have ever had the pleasure of reading. and I mean that the Powerrangers/TMNT crossover was more enjoybale that this mess. This is also very high on the list not only because the art was below average and many characters were off models but Mister Ken Penders used this crossover special to shoehorn his own ‘’characters’ from his comic book series the Lost Ones. (who btw got canned after only volume 01) his characters got the most attention out of everyone else. A image-comics with Sonic crossover already sounds sort of weird and silly but hey I am Spawn fangirl, I am intrigued. But I dont even get that.

(oh wait, this is fucking it, Spawn appears for about a page to say no to Sonic and then leaves thats it??) FOR FUCK SAKE....

Honestly @robotnikholmescomicblog​ gave this comic a great review and I suggest going to their tag of Ken-Penders-Why as they bring out most of the flaws of Ken Penders writing and they said it better then I ever will.

Overall the issue is just a mess, with shallowcheap cameos of image characters, Sonic and the freedom fighters being DICKS to most of the human characters for no reason, a very anti climatic ending and a giant commercial for Ken Penders doomed and boring characters that nobody gave a dam about) characters that he planned to use in ‘’The Lost ones’’ and Knuckles 20 years later. With a character hinting to become Knuckles’s greatest enemy yet with a very ugly boring design that could rivals Hunter. (btw none of these concepts go anywhere, Lost Ones was canned, and Knuckles 20 years later didnt come in fruition the way Ken Penders wanted.)

and number 5, worst issue Sonic issue 150

This is my most least favorite issues up to date and why you might ask

well for one thing the art is okay, I give it that but it doesnt even start with Sonic,

no we get a quick-reveal  of AntiSonic pretending to be the real Sonic flirting with all the girls in knothole

We get uncomfortable panels of Mina Mongoose almost cheating on her boyfriend with Sonic, Sonic and Bunnie making out and falling asleep next together, Sonic being creepy at Amy ect and none of the girls seem to realize that this is obvious not the real Sonic but ANti-Sonic. Everbody fails to notice that Sonic is  trying to flirt with all the girls he gets his eyes on. Only Tails seems to quistion it. Shows how much his own friends seem to know him. Or his own freaking family. The real Sonic is stuck in anti-mobuis and is busy trying to convince them that he is not AntiSonic, it’s very boring and dull. Also since the real Ant was stuck in anti Mobuis couldn’t he have tried to come back to his own world with Sonic? I dont know that just confused the heck out of me, The extra side story also doesn’t help, Its the conclusion to TailS ‘’the Chosen One’’ which was,,,pretty lame too with bland-art, and has the unfortunate of introducing the fanbase to the still-hilarious Titan Tails

(OHfuckmethat’sstupid.)

So the stories are stupid, the art is okay and lame. Why is it so high on the list?

It’s THE 150 anniversary issue and this is how Karl and Ken apparently wanted to celebrate it? It also doesn’t help that the cover is really underwhelming and boring compared to the 125th issue but that’s it’s least of its problems. A short while later Ian Flyn and Tracey joined the team and Ken and Karl left. For the better. But talk about a lame way to celebrate a 150th milestone. What a waste. 

#Archie Sonic #Sonic Archie comics #the worst #Ken Penders #Ken Penders is a douche #Kell0x #Hedehogscantswim #Sally Acorn #the slapp #Amy Rose #Fiona Fox #Ian Flyn #knuckles the echidna #sonic the hedgehog #greenyvertekins #robotnikholmes