#I wish I could delete all the others

[honanger]

sometimes I wish I could've done better

#I wish I could be a better partner #I wish I could shut up about being a system #I wish I could talk about something and not feel annoying for it #I wish I could take better care of myself #I wish I could delete all the others #I wish I could feel as I used to #I wish I could make him feel happy and loved and I wish I was loved back #I wish this wasn't such a fucking pain in my heart but it is and I hate it #I wish I could talk to him without blaming myself for feeling like I'm throwing my problems on him #I wish I could have someone who I actually love that actually loves me back #I wish life would allow me to be fucking happy for once #I wish I didn't want to die just because of something so stupid as feelings for some guy I met some days ago #I wish someone would switch with me and front in my place so I could suffer in peace #I wish I was happy #someone kill me please #I'm sorry #soap.txt

[lazycranberrydoodles]

wei wuxian really put his whole pussy into the donghua yiling patriarch reveal huh

#the huge flock of crows and the green fire and the dark aura and the resentment spikes(??) #[megamind voice] PRESENTATION!!!!!! #not art #mdzs #currently looking for backgrounds for the mdzs aa au. involves rewatching parts of the animation and WOAH #sorry he killed and maimed and cannibalized and tortured all those people :/ he looked sexy doing it #the gender stored in the yiling laozu cannot be understated. GOD i wish i could cosplay him #i wish. they couldve put in the wwx/jc reunion in s1e15 :( #jiang cheng my (indecipherable noises) #hes so relieved and happy!!!!!! the reunion scene URGHRGRHRG. genuinely torturing wen chao IS a bonding moment #adn it speaks to the whole horrors of war thing.. when you have nothing left to bond over (because yunmeng burned) you bond over violence #and the fact that it is in THIS scene that its very emphasized how close they are/how much they trust each other/how they grew up together #. ouhhghhhh. #wwx is quipping at him about being a sect leader and jc is complaining about how long he was gone. they are so incredibly severely #traumabonded guys. ugh. also honorable mention to the cql after-lotus-pier-burning scene for being fucking heartbreaking. love you mwah #mdzs spoilers #at this point in time lan “cannot talk about his emotions” wangji and jiang “bitches and complains as affection” cheng and wei “arrogance #and self destructiveness" wuxian are not communicating very well. shocker #to delete l8er

[sporesgalaxy]

💚💚💚 YP ON THE DASH AGAIN MOMENTARILY ...

#CRIES CRIES CRIES. SHOUT OUT TO YOU AND ALL THE OTHER AT RP BLOG HAVERS FROM BACK IN THE DAY. #im so sad I deleted yps blog 😭😭😭😭 i wish i could look at it.... #replies #spacecreate #oc tag #at

[plope]

why is there such a notable amount of toxicity toward sunstone on my dashboard so frequently? isn't shipping supposed to be about having fun? :(

i see people generalizing the entire sunstone community as this one person they saw mischaracterizing the characters a few times as if other ships don't do the same thing? it's not common but not abnormal to see. shipping requires whatever imagination the artist desires!!

where's your joy? where's your whimsy? clank clank as i make the fictional robots kiss like barbie dolls

this fandom needs more positivity!!!

#sorry for the rant it's just actually starting to upset me at this point #will probably delete later #but like why can't we just let people be happy? and have fun? #i used to think this was the least toxic shipping fandom I've been in #i just wish we could all have a good time without throwing shade at things other people enjoy #I'm going to keep doing my best to spread nothing but positivity in this shipping fandom #even if I'm not met with that same kindness in return

[taegularities]

why are people already fighting, the album isn't even out yet :/

#gawd.. #i guess that's why i find drops these days v exhausting n overwhelming too.. stuff is not joyful n fun as it used to be :( #now it's just about shitting on each other ugh #tbh it hasn't been super fun since seven anymore. wish we could just accept whatever ppl think #but should the same thing happen all over tumblr that happened on 3D drop day.. oof ill be outta here #delete later!!

[icewindandboringhorror]

a quite simple outfit, trying to use the little blue and white apron thing (which is actually a dress I think, that I just leave un-buttoned in the back and added an apron-like tie to lol)

#self #mori kei #jfashion #NOT really but like.. it's.. adjacent I guess.. forgive me .. I may try using tags again though I kind of got out of the habit ghhj #I need to be... Seen to some degree. I want to start selling clothes and sculptures again to recoup the costs of having to euthanize my cat #and stuff . but that won't be very successful if I have like.. 15 people to sell to lol... #the eternal Hermit Conflict where you hate attention and Being Percieved in general yet in todays capitalist society it is nearly #a necessity to have some form of social network or media presence especially in creative fields. etc. etc. ... kicking screaming wailing #sobbing so on and so forth.. tearfully punching the cold mossy stone walls of my evil wizard tower... #I was also thinking of maybe opening a few sculpture commission slots and maybe Tumblr Blazing that post or something #but.. again.... sobbing crying interacting with the general public oughhf ouuch -500 HP #why can't I just be approached by some wealthy 65 year old woman who is nonsensically infatuated with my art for no #reason and gives me like $10.000 a week for food and art supplies and etc. and I can go fuck off into a cabin in the middle of nowhere #in the uk and just be left alone to work on my projects without even needing to build any form of connections or social presence because I' #already set for life and can just get funding and connections whenever lol.. WHICH not to be ungrateful like obviously I still appreciate #anyone who follows and interacts with my posts. I dont mean it in a 'grrr fuck all of you imbeciles I wish I could delete my blog!!!' or #whatever hhjkjk.. I just mean it more in a like.. I am very socially inept and my mental illness gives me severe social issues so any situ #tion where I'm expected to self promote or network or interact with others generally is nightmarish and stressful for many many reasons #and if I could somehow skip that part and just go straight to being a famous author or somethin.. that would be cool. Which I know EVERYONE #hates networking and stuff but I mean like.. on a level most people could not possibly comprehend.. I am not just an 'introvert'. I am like #doctors declare me incapable of functioning in general society very poor mental health prognosis probably should have a caretaker at #some point type Hermit lol.. ANYWAY ghbhj... alas.. I also feel weird about the sculptures in terms of what to charge for them #and always have which is part of why I stopped selling them. If I charged a fair even like $15 an hour many of them would be like #close to $150+. and nobody is going to pay that for a decoration. that doesn't even factor in like.. supplies or time spent communicating/s #etching the concept (if a commission) etc. etc. I thought it'd be better to just auction them then and let people pay what they want inst #d of a set price but etsy doesnt allow auctions and is it weird to just.. link people to an Art Ebay or something lol.. #AAAANYWAY.. the outfit.. I still love these shoes. they're nice and a little Older Style looking. always into pastel florals too lol #(everything is thrifted as usual. excited about the shirt because it's so puffy! it was in the halloween section though ghjhj.. like when i #s october and they make the special aisle in goodwill for 'Costume' clothes even though theyre all just normal stuff I would wear ghg)

[dasloddl]

glueing together pages of my friendship book... or as I like to call it... spiritual cleansing <3

#healing journey is going well #I wouldn't have believed me 4 months ago that I would be okay #I wished the pain would go away really quickly and was sad that it didnt #but in the end... like 4-6ish months and everything is fine (for the most part) #sure. theres a thought here and there but it has no emotion attached to it at all... #I mean that is rather quick healing I would suppose #4-6 months does sound long but it's not THAT long when you think about it #anywho... next is deleting pictures... which is harder cause I'll have to look at them to delete them #and like... I dont wanna do that #oh... and then deleting “the evidence” aka the whole chat i've saved #(idk for some reason my brain thought it needed evidence to show that someone could like-like me) #and I still find it hard to finally do it (thats why I won't do it now but some time later... point is that I have to do it) #oh well #I can start small and just delete the WhatsApp chat... will do that now #yeah. that sounds like a plan... deleting the chat and doing the pictures/other chat later #op dasloddl

[robinsnest2111]

sorry for disappearing. I promised I wouldn't do that again but it's always the thing I fall back on in desperate times. idk how to stop doing that

I'm just so tired and in pain, I wanna lay down and cry and never get back up again

#wish i could cry. as it is the tears are pressing on my eyes but cannot come out. it hurts. i wish it wouldn't hurt #all i can do is sleep as much as i can whenever i can. no other way to escape it all #trying to plan my mental illness breakdown around my work hours so my coworkers don't have to worry #i actually like being at work and putting on a smile and acting bright and bubbly comes to me so easily #but i feel the tiredness creeping in. making work a bit more difficult and i don't like that #my brain is starting to merge dreams and reality in a way that hard to tell apart #it's also whispering evil things into my ear. like: you're not mentally ill there's no official diagnosis so better be sane and normal #or: you're making it all up. stop with that. just be normal. <- about literally every single thing #<- like me dealing with depression and anxiety and probably no small amount of trauma and gender dysphoria? NOT REAL according to my brain #which is. idk i KNOW i struggle with all of these things and there have been suspicion diagnoses #but no actual 100% confirmed diagnoses and that fact is fueling my brain in whispering these mean things to me #and i'm just so very very tired of it all... i don't want to fight anymore but i'm also too scared to take any kind of final action #sorry... #delete later

[i-bring-crack]

khggjhgj

Thomas Andre/Lennart Niermann Au where Thomas met Lennart when he was young and still living in Europe with his parents and then they migrated to the US and Thomas who had been comfortable at one point then felt excluded in everything, got bullied, shit went down all through out highschool to the point where he became a ganster and in his last year he met Lennart again, the new foreing student in his class.

Thomas does remember some faint memories but Lennart is pure blank, black space completely because Thomas looks NOTHING like when they first met. And Lennart still has a cute pouty mouth and the german accent is giving him off a lot, he tends to have the same eating and homework habits as he did when they were young, were it not for puberty hitting him like a truck he would have been theliteral same child as before.

#solo leveling #lennart niermann #thomas andre #thomas/lennart #Laura in the back also being their childhood friend who met Thomas again in middle school or first year highschool and being like #wtf yo who t f is you? #THOMAS? #I do have this bigass headcanon that i was actually going to put into a oneshot but got deleted #that thomas didnt have a childhoof or friends growing up due to all the struggles his family was going through trying to survive in #a new country #and the oneshot was going to be about childhood shows from different countries being shown #and the gang of national hunters plus other s ranks having their reactions #lennart was just going to watch disney movies with him #yes that was also lennart/thomas oneshot as a stablished relationship #god i wish i could do that fic when i get the chance

[carnivorousyandeere]

Oh my god?? This should go without saying, but if your blog says "no nsfw here!" and you explicitly allow minors to follow your blog, you shouldn't reblog any of my posts, let alone the outright sexual ones??? Hello????

#i try to give people grace but like. what the fuck #i wish i could delete other people's reblogs of my stuff sometimes #but all i can do is block them and prevent them from reblogging more #my thoughts #yandere #yandere oc #yandere imagines #yandere scenarios #yandere x darling #yandere x you #yandere x reader #yandere cw

[sunboki]

this is kinda personal but i love how much trust i still have in my ex, like we can talk about everything together and we’re still best friends it’s great

he texted me earlier n linked an article abt chan’s bbl rumors and we laughed our asses off for a full forty minutes afterwards this is where this post came from lol

#bc so many of my friends have such toxic breakups #but he’s so refreshing #we talk abt everything together and he texts me all the time saying things like #( how is skz doing? ) bc he knew i loved them even tho he found it kinda awkward #even though he was the fattest chan stan deep down 🤞🏻 #i just wish other people could have good exes like this :( #anyways .. might delete later #aug : speaks

[danidoesathing]

hey i forgot i made this a few days ago. go nuts

#i cant delete the last row so just feel to delete or just ignore it #this is another discord thing but its cool so. #i would like to know your opinions #wish i could do that other songs but alas they do not all have funky covers #the non-english ones are love like ghosts (the one with frankie in front of the building) dead man's hand (the one with the car) #and meet me in the woods (the one in the woods) #dani speaks #lord huron #strange trails

[janiedean]

will get to all your lovely replies asap but for now let me get down the mood with my usual

fuck but i really do hate this month and everything it represents or better the fact that each single year it gets just more miserable

#i’m sorry fuck i wish i liked christmas i do #but i haven’t felt anything close to enjoyment of the period since what was it right ten exact years #every single fucking one of them it just got MORE fucking depressing #we dont talk about covid times because god i wish i could delete them from my existence #two years ago it was just depressing af #last year for a miracle it was halfway okay and hey managed to spend one with the grandmother for once #except she died three months later and this one it will be….. meh but the rest of the month has been a total nervewreck already #but of course EVERYWHERE around you is like JOYOUS TIME EVERYONE IS HAPPY SEASON OF MAGIC #as it is i’mma have to do half of the presents in january ffs #ah right forgot today was the anniversary of the other grandmother dying #and the entire first week is anniversary of 2020 nervous wreck of doom so hey that’s all fine #yeah that happened no i had no plans to mention it good luck to me wanting to move over that specific instance ig #i just wanna stop feeling stuck in being miserable until december 26th arrives and i can hope to get my shit under control the year after #yeah sorry for the pity party i’m just not feeling great whatsoever add feeling totally useless to the list and here we are #i’mma just go catch up on replies now just god now i feel like crap bc the moment i opened the app i just vomited out negativity g r e a t #personal for ts #janie rants

[peribirb]

Gender woes and miseries 🔽

i feel like every day i feel so much more certain about being a girl and needing to start transitioning, but at the same time it feels like less and less of a possibility... i know the answer is "well call the doctor and get it started" but there's so many hoops, and even if i get to that point it's gonna be months until i see someone at best. and in the meantime it just feels like my body is breaking down more and more, like i'm gonna hit a point where nothing i can do will make me feel okay in my body. like i genuinely have panic attacks looking in the mirror the wrong way or seeing pictures of me, and the thought that that might continue to be the case for the rest of my life is genuinely horrifying, like i don't understand how i'm supposed to deal with that.

there's some nasty part of me that wants to just suppress everything again. don't rock the boat, force myself back into the man box, shave my head, grow a beard, accept that i'm just gonna feel like shit in that way for the rest of my life, at least there's less trouble that comes with that. at least when i see myself and hate what i see i can rationalize it with "oh well that's just what i'm supposed to look like".

god this feels so whiny actually, like just another case of "ough why can other people Do Stuff but i caaaaaaan't" and it's like. get a fuckin grip girl. why are you like this.

i dunno it just hurts to never feel okay with myself, it sucks how much it hurts to think about how i exist in the physical world. and it also honestly reeeeally fuckin sucks sometimes that i opened the Pandora's Gender Box and i can't undo that knowledge about myself.

sighs. "well if you're a girl then you're a girl just because you say so!" yeah alright that's true but also i've gotta do some other stuff. for my own sanity if nothing else. and my shitty brain decides that it has to be the biggest struggle of my life, just like it does with everything.

#i feel like there's. so many factors in my life that are making me miserable #and they all compound on each other to make themselves even more overwhelming #i wish i knew what that jenga piece holding it all up was so i could yank it out and start to make sense of my existence #transgender #personal #delete later

[urostakako]

im a little sad today

#i wish i was a little more functional. that i could understand integrals. that i could finish my projects on time and not get distracted or #bored or upset five minutes in. that i could write everything i want to write without getting exhausted. that i could draw everything #i wanted to without feeling dread and like. idk. maintain something? that i could keep a routine without getting tired of it immediately #that there was enough time in the day to do everything i have and want to do and also sleep and eat and drink and keep clean on time #and be like. healthy. i wish applying for school and aid didnt actively fill me with dread. i wish it didnt feel like so much effort to make #a future for myself. i wish i could be like the others i know who seem to have such a clear and light weight mind unimpeded by roadblocks #i wish i could see my family more often. i wish they would respond when i ask after them. i wish i wasnt filled with panic everytime they #dont because i know that things arent the way they were but i cant seem to let that go even though its been years. i hate that the panic #doesnt go away. i wish i was fine living without them. i wish i was fine on my own. i wish i wasnt so detached to others and that i wasnt so #attached to the ones i love. i wish things were easier and so many things feel out of sight and i KNOW thats not true. i KNOW there is #something there waiting for me and i will be taken care of. i know everything will be fine and nothing is hopeless #but still it feels that way and i hate complaining about my feelings but its not wrong to feel and i know this. #somehow the repetitiveness of my feeling makes me just as tired as if someone else was talking to me about their problems all the time #which is so stupid. idk. #delete later #hanancouldyounot

[thecherrygod]

/

#my posts #........................................................................................................................................... #............................................................................................................................................ #is that enough i think that's enough #yeah that's how its going #everything's been getting worse and I've been feeling very bad but also very pathetic and like complaining almost makes me feel worse but #i can't do anything else about this so like. vent post lmao bc I'm a dumbass #i truly just want to(redacted)but one of those isn't an option and the other i have a drs appointment soon and i don't want to explain that #everything is just. bad. and what isn't i feel like it's getting bad and it's my fault. and I'm probably right. #just. i hate it here #the deserving mentality is truly getting to me and i fucking hate it. it's not logical. I'll still agree with it. #i truly don't deserve the food stuff i can't keep in my life and i deserve the shit that in getting and i can't stop agreeing with that #'oh this classmate wants to have lunch with me on Saturday after working on something! i should cancel before it's too late- #-so i can continue feeling bad for being an apple bc people should hate me bc I'm horrible and don't deserve kindness' like #it's. it's false. it's not logical. and yet #everyone else there's the fucking plexiglass wall and where it wasn't i think it's getting formed and it is my fault probably #i am annoying that one is true #.... I've been making posts like this all day and deleting them bc I'm pathetic also. it's. #... there's a little too much going on lmao #nothing's worth it and i feel like shit and anything i could try to do about it doesn't work and I'm just tired #... in case someone does read this i know it sounds worrying but nothing will happen tbh I'm just a pathetic coward who's sad and tired #and tired of being sad in a way that feels like it's getting worse #I'm not very sure when was the last time i felt. this bad in just. i don't know how to make it stop lmao #also in already annoying so this is all i can do i think lmao #i think I'm seeing now I'm just. being redundant and if i keep this up too much i will delete this. and i should but. i don't think i will #also without saying much this year the one thing™ has been worse than usual and that's not helping either so it truly is just. #that everything is kinda very bad #.... yeah. whatever. it's just.¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯ #... i truly wish killing myself was still an option like when i was a teen bit it's not so i just have to deal with whatever this is #... i hate being aware this is all super illogical bc the logical post of my brain teams up making me feel worse somehow.