#I’m going to do it any way tbh

[hayesinthewoods]

#jrwi riptide #jrwi #just roll with it #just roll with it riptide #jrwi chip #jrwi jay #jrwi gillion #jrwi kian #jrwi rand #jrwi rolan #but it’s so long ): #but I love my blorbos :D #I’m going to do it any way tbh

[stuckinapril]

I’m finally biting the bullet and contacting a therapist today after being ambivalent ab it for so long… this hellsite has its many disadvantages but one thing I can say is it has truly helped me be less scared of pursuing therapy. Silver lining etc etc

#And to be clear I have nothing against therapy. I’ve seen it do wonders for other people #I think the reason it’s a point of defeat (just a little) for me to be like ok. I need a therapist. Is bc I’m admitting to myself that I #need one to begin w. And I get it’s not healthy but I always liked to think I could handle anything by myself #That was even the whole point of this blog. It was supposed to serve as a conduit for these feelings #And I’m not saying I don’t have a support system. I do. I have many wonderful friends #But I struggle to be vulnerable at all tbh and whenever I am I’m guilty ab it bc #I understand so many people have busy lives & I feel like an emotional burden on them by venting #Despite them telling me that it’s totally fine. Obvi a therapist is literally paid to listen so no guilt there #And I think that’s what I need #I’m not like on the brink of a psychotic break or anything but it’s just little things. I think it’d be nice to sit in someone’s office for #One hour a week and just go. That did bother me actually. I am tired actually. I do feel that way actually. #Rather than just burying my feelings w school and a busy schedule #I don’t think therapy will make me any less of a workaholic anytime soon but it’ll at least allow me to slow down one hour a week #And also not bottle shit up so fuckin much #But ya all of this is to say I’m drafting the email to her RIGHT now . #Starting the day off strong by oversharing on tumblr dot com

[hallowclave]

What a whimsical looking young man I wonder if he has received any job offers recently

Original photo

#my art #project sekai #rui kamishiro #if u saw this get posted before: no u didn’t #forgot to schedule the post for the morning incident 60 dead 600 injured. #i feel obligated 2 say I actually post abt pjsk on my main (apotelesmaa) frequently (I have brain worms) #& I only post on this blog once in a blue moon and it’s usually not serious art atp #so do not expect anything. #curtain call. what an event. love rui he’s such a good character. I hope he explodes. #he is so full of love and so bad at recognizing his emotions and problems. #‘I don’t have any emotional hang ups about anything’ says the guy who has so many emotional hang ups #rationalizing pulling back as safety measures instead of fearing abandonment/concern of hurting tsukasa (or others) again -> #rationalizing accepting asahi’s job offer because it’s the best for his future even if it’s not the best for himself #also tbh I think to some degree u could argue accepting the job offer was his way of getting ahead of being abandoned #not that it would happen and not that he’d recognize that to begin with #negative self awareness king! he is not processing his emotions at all! #would love for him to mention the job offer in a future event. even just offhandedly. shaking him by the shoulders. talk to ur friends moron #me when I’m in a not recognizing what I’m feeling and how it effects me competition and my opponent is rui kamishiro from hit game pjsk #etc etc. anyways. #once again falling into the ‘sure whatever this can go on the art blog’ category #in that I used simultaneously too much effort and very little in creating it #once again: [hope you’re hungry. for NOTHING] dot jpeg. as is typical here at hallowclave dot tumblr dot com.

[pagannatural]

Never mind! this show still fucks

#supernatural #ummmm demon dean is delicious #DELICIOUS #god damn the way he threatens Sam #wanting to rip his throat out with his teeth I mean my god is there a more intimate way to murder someone #he certainly doesn’t lust after anyone else’s flesh when he murders them #staring at him hungrily saying what I’m going to do to you #the height of romance tbh #Sam’s jealousy and pain that Dean is with Crowley #his unfailing belief in Dean turning to fear #Sam as the little brother is allowed reject Dean and be a brat but he never means it #when he told Dean they’re not brothers any more and then proceeded to be more unhinged and devoted to him than ever before #like he can only be that way because he knows Dean will always always want him and protect him it’s his right as the youngest #why isn’t he injecting Dean with his own blood? too incestuous? #or does Sam still have a little demon blood in there and it wouldn’t work?

[touchlikethesun]

because i hadn’t read the manga before and therefore had no idea what to expect, i was a bit wary about tadaima okaeri airing as the first omegaverse anime because just there’s so many possible pitfalls when telling stories in the omegaverse, and especially when telling those stories for an audience that may or may not be well-versed with the mechanisms and tropes of the genre. however that being said, now that i’ve watched the first episode, i am much less wary!! honestly i don’t think they could have done a better job picking and adapting an omegaverse story for a wider audience, i appreciated the attention to politics and world building, i really really like that female alphas were mentioned within the first five minutes and that - while there don’t seem to be any women in the main cast - it wasn’t just only men in the cast of characters. i think they handled the introduction to some of the more shocking parts of omegaverse really well, frankly and with normalcy, and i also don’t think they’ve fallen into the pitfall of treating omegas like stereotypical yaoi ukes which tbh i was really worried about lol

also just, it’s really hecking cute and wholesome i was cooing every time hikari was on screen he’s just adorable and the parents (i'm sorry i've forgotten their names) are also just so in love and soooo wholesome <3

i mean, just look at them!!!

adorable…

i did not expect to like it as much as i did, but i will almost certainly be keeping up with this show!

#all in all i like it so far #it was a bit jarring to hear them say things that i’ve only ever read #but that’s on me and not them #tbh i’m not really an omegaverse reader in the first place i go thru phases but typically it’s something i filter out #when i’m on ao3 mostly bc it’s rare that i want to read a fic that’s straight smut and… a lot of omegaverse fics are straight smut lol #and i just don’t want to bother with reading a ch or two to see if the fic also deals with other things #but i’m not like actually opposed to it in any way and tadaima okaeri is like #exactly the kind of omegaverse i do like and i do want to read #or it seems like it #hopefully it keeps with the tone of the first ep for the rest of the season #tadaima okaeri #bl anime

[llumimoon]

thinking abt when sparrow said he was gonna erase normal’s memories after they dealt with the doodler, which would effectively leave him friendless again. Wtf was that 😭

#dndads #i get not wanting ur kid to go through the same traumatic experiences you did #but unwilling amnesia is NOT THE WAY TO GO BESTIE #I do love sparrow very much #but tbh this moment was sparrow’s worst parent moment in my opinon #not the ‘I’m not proud of you’ thing #since he didn’t have any control over what he was saying then #AGAIN I DO LOVE SPARROW #i think his relationship with normal is very complicated and not just Sparrow Bad Dad #but like bro 😭 this was kinda fucked up #cal rambles

[quietwingsinthesky]

Soooo badly want to combine twin!au with the “chuck has been mindcontrolling luci for years and it’s only just now stopped working so he’s back in s5 character” because can you imagine how distressing that would be for everyone involved?

Like Lucifer’s in full control of himself for the first time in years, after all the shit that went down post-s5, dealing with the repercussions of actions he performed but now honestly can’t tell which ones were things he would have actually done of his own volition and which were God yanking on his strings. And ALSO during that time he had sex in order to have a kid, but instead ended up with twins who no one wants him near! Because everyone hates him! And Heaven’s gone to shit, most of the angels are dead, the only archangel left alive is Michael and he’s still caged and Luci’s got no way of getting him out if he even wants to. (Which. Presumably he does. If only because at least he knows Michael and Michael hasn’t been on the receiving end of the shit he did the past few years and yeah, might still think of him as a monster but at least that was an image Lucifer was almost in control of.)

And then of course when he finally gets to see the twins, he gets to have a horrible moment of going “oh. Oh no. Oh no they’re me and Michael. God’s replaying the story again and with my kids.” Which is! Horrifying! For someone who has only just gotten free of having his entire character rewritten for the sake of being villainized easier by his own father!

#(​smashes my two most self-indulgent AUs together) aw yeah now we’re cooking with gas #endgame of this au is probably a) They Need To Kill God. and b) queerplatonic samifer raises angel babies #while struggling with the fact that Sam & Dean have been through the same rewrites over the years but since they came less drastically. #neither of them noticed #it’s just whump all around tbh #marieposting #neither s5 or late seasons lucifer would be good with kids is the thing but it’s like. in vastly different ways #s5 Lucifer is mostly like. why would he have experience doing this. why would he have any knowledge on it #besides what he took from nick’s memories when Nick had a Baby but per spn canon. #Jack & Marie aren’t babies long enough for that to help #and angels just aren’t children like that. they don’t grow the same way humans do. #Lucifer has been an older brother. but that’s about where his expertise ends in terms of ‘beings younger than him looking for guidance’ #well. and also demons. but. I don’t. think. that will. help. much. #although. it would be very sweet/strange to me in particular #if Lucifer referenced Lilith around them and the twins were like ‘??? who that’ #(​because it’s been years since Sam & Dean thought about Lilith. they’ve never mentioned her) #and without thinking Lucifer goes ‘your older sister.’ #HELP THINKING ABOUT MARIE HEARING ‘older sister’ AND GOING AH. SOMEONE TO EMULATE. NOOOO DONT DO THAT ALJFKFLSJF #sorry I’m rambling again #allow me my self indulgence.

[exopelagic]

honk shoo.

#but yeah sleepy. #i have so much to do these next few days I’m gonna die #meanwhile I just wanna see my friends #the good thing is that some of the busy things involve seeing my friends but goddamn why are almost all of them hard #also YES I’m going to be dumb and gay again bc a) why shouldn’t I b) nobody can stop me #I’m being dumb and gay again. #now seen The Guy twice since I’ve been back and he’s very cool #still feel like I’m being insane god idk what I’m doing #I hope he comes tomorrow bc he can’t make the meeting which means he won’t be on committee which sucks bc he did want to #OH but I did mean to tell him there was one role he could go for and have a good shot at that I think he’d be good for #only problem is if he doesn’t come tomorrow I can’t tell him in time bc I don’t have any way to message him other than email #(which feels slightly creepy bc I only know it bc secretary and he’s never explicitly said his surname so it’s just inferred from the list) #idk. the thing that gets me is we are very much friends now. like early stages of friends but we keep talking at hockey #and importantly he keeps coming To Me which keeps surprising me bc he does it more than any of my other friends #but I guess I’m also coming to him kinda a lot too. self awareness falls when around cute boy you get how it is #god it’s so unfair why is he like this #I finished getting my skates off before he did yesterday which gave me a very good opportunity to Look while he was talking #and have it not be weird and he’s just very pretty. he’s got a rlly nice nose #i always feel insane pointing out noses it’s the Draw speaking bc I use noses as a focal point and they’re fun to draw #tbh it’s unlikely I will say someone does Not have a nice nose but idk let me have this. it would be fun to draw is maybe what I mean #and I hadn’t noticed before bc the like bridge? and uhh like. base? idk nose words but they don’t match #the bridge is super long and on the thin side w a bump like mine but the like bottom is much rounder and wider and I don’t see that mix much #he also just has rlly nice hair it’s super curly and he’s in that like weird light brown purgatory where it’s all different colours #like it’s mostly light brown but some bits look rlly dark and some especially at the ends is like almost blonde and it changes w the light #god he also keeps doing this dumb fucking thing where he’s trying to skate while squatting all the way and it’s ridiculous #he looks like a spider folding in on itself and the worst part is he can fucking do it #he’s gotten so good at skating recently and I have a feeling he lives somewhere with an ice rink bc I’m sure he’s better than he was novembr #yeah I also got to just stand and watch him play yesterday and it’s so incredibly horribly unfair #anyway I’m too fucking gay and I will not let him escape me again tomorrow I Will get his instagram or smth bc I swear this man #luke.txt

[museenkuss]

Spn blogs in my recs and they WILL NOT LEAVE.

#they’re even on my main blog now #at least for me #and like yeah I get it blood and rot and family and whatever #I think I’m getting my period soon because it usually doesn’t annoy me like this but GOD #I don’t WANT these here. #but tbh I just don’t like the fandom. it’s all very clique-y and I am so so lonely #like genuinely I haven’t felt good about a single thing I posted for that in way too long #I like WRITING but posting?? in that fandom? it’s terrible. I hate it #& I’ve taken to writing out all my frustration and anger and grief in a separate doc to be deleted before posting the main work #which is fucking. just. it’s bad. I’ve never had to do that for ANY fandom I wrote for. #and I geeeeeet that it’s because it’s such a big fandom so people know each other and it’s not like my small communities where you #parallel play in peace. but I don’t like it. it’s deeply uncomfortable and isolating and I’m so sick of it #but I also like the writing I do so I try to just stay in my niche and not look at anyone else #I think I unfollowed every fandom blog save for two? three? so I could be alone instead of lonely #but it still washes over me whenever I post something. #oh an! sometimes I’m tempted to just do something super mass appealing so they’ll like me but that just makes me feel worse #I’ve been tempted to delete my blog so many times because I lost my friends from the old fandoms and this one is the poorest substitute #but I also feel like that won’t make me happier either. I wish I’d just never started engaging w that show tbh #okay done. just. I’m going through it

[rosicheeks]

-

#I JUST WANT MY OWN PLACE AND A FUR BABY #really really want a dog but I feel like a cat is more realistic for an apartment especially #anyway #just wondering #could rent ya know #go down a little bit please? #I’m so sick of studios being $1500+ and then they don’t even fucking include utilities half of the time #so who wants to get a place together? #I feel like life would be a whole lot easier if I had friends so I could just find a place with them but nooooooooooooooooooooo #tempted to look into loans but I have no clue how they work or where to even start #doubt I’d even get anything tbh #no credit cause my dad always told me credit cards are evil and like bro I get it but I also kinda need them so I can build credit????????? #idk idk idk I’m just grumpy #I’m sick of the life I’m living #I miss being able to chill and relax and do my hobbies…. don’t remember the last time I painted…. maybe a year now? #hopefully I’ll find a full time job that pays incredibly well and I’ll be able to get my own place and start living my life again #but until then I’m just kinda stuck #I feel trapped #I feel like I have no path and I’m just sitting in darkness #I’m sorry to anyone who has messaged or snapped me or reached out in any way - I’m struggling a lot right now #happy holidays and happy new year to anyone who sent me something as always I love you all and I appreciate all the support #I just feel numb and I don’t feel like rosie right now #been very very sex repulsed so that might be way I’ve been taking a break from here #like I want touch and I want love but the thought of sex or anything like that makes me want to throw up? idk it’s super weird #gotta get up in the morning and go to my nieces bday party - she’s turning 2! so you know what that means? #a whole bunch of other little screaming tots 🙃🙃🙃🙃 and a bunch of people I don’t know #wohoooooooooooo #gonna delete in a hot minute #so enjoy a Rosie post since I have been away for awhile #shut up rosie

[akkivee]

one of hifumi’s patrons was a fashion designer who asked him and the rest of mtr to model for her fashion show but in doppo and jakurai’s absence, wound up recruiting kuukou and saburo along the way but look what she made our boy wear lmao

#this is vee speaking #the arb chronicles #where’s that screenshot of those commenters roasting a vid alive like straight up ass bro 🔥🔥🔥 #lol i understand what she was going for and i too think kuukou looks great in tunic styles!!!! the middle eastern touch is also very nice!!! #it’s just……… it’s too much and not in a cute way LOL #let ME dress him up lol just switch some of these elements around #like you made kuukou show off his arms but then not put any accessories on them??? make the swirly pattern his bracelets #kuukou’s got a lot of piercings in his ears put some of those gems there #the sun centerpiece is GREAT but i think it should be higher up on the top and add a line of gems on the bottom of the shirt #and tbh i think a stole scarf would be good too to frame the sun centerpiece and maybe add some more sun gems on it #(a v neck tunic would be fantastic but i’m just that kuukou btch unfortunately lmao) #the necklaces………………… tbqh i love them for him but the swirly pattern really makes it cluttered lol #but since they’re his bracelets now i think they can work as long as they don’t block the sun gems!!!!! and maybe change the colours lol #it could have worked!!!!!!!! it could have!!!!!!!! she literally popped of on hifumi only lmao!!!!!! #i can do saburo too dammit!!!!! put some rizz on them sleeves ma’am!!!!!!!! #c: kuukou👑

[tariah23]

Videos are working on here again, too?

#the the last couple of months videos have been kind of hard to play on the app like I’d click on it and then it would play for a few seconds #then stop and I’d have to do it over and over again until the video would play. with the sound as well #also #another thing that I’d noticed is that whenever I’d play music from another app for example soundcloud etc and would open tumblr back up #to scroll #my music would start to stutter and pause and skip like I thought something was wrong with my phone for the longest #but it turns out it was just tumblr being ass as always #this had been going on for a couple of months as well #but now I can play music outside of the app no problem #not to praise tumblr of course but I’m surprised they actually fixed this shit #especially the being able to search up tags on your own blog now??? I’m still stuck on that because for years #the only way you’d be able to search up tags or whatever on your blog was if you just clicked the tag on any random post that #you tagged that word or phrase: whatever with which was always annoying but I’d gotten used to that tbh #that has been the only literal way to search up tags on your own blog for the longest like ever since I joined tumblr or a little bit after #that #rambling

[dadbots]

May this year bring us an abundance of fulfillment, achieved desires and comfort. 🖤

#dadbots.txt #officially in 2024… hard to believe that tbh. But it’s here. And hope for better things to come our way. #I plan on committing myself to some planned goals and ideas to work on. Including devoting myself into my craft again - #- and explore other fields as it is a big part of my life. With so much happening and being overwhelmed caused the focus to shift. #And I truly want to put my attention onto things that helped me. Made me happy. That’s important to me overall. #This year will be aimed towards completions. Anything that’s been held off and sitting in a backlog. That I should’ve and wished to do. #Things I need to do. Whatever — I want to complete them and knock ‘em off my list. There’s so much to go through and it’s tiring - #- when you see piles that you swept under the rug. But that’s why I’m working on completing them and have a clean slate to work on again. #Won’t break chronic procrastination. But it’ll get me doing something. Little by little. #And will reduce the blow for my fatigue. In general for anything really. And this definitely isn’t some ‘new year new me’ mantra that ends #- in a couple of days. A whole year dedicated to what’s important is good enough for me. Of course you can start whenever and at any time. #But I consider this a journey. Means I have to show something for the month. And with so many changes made in 2023 — it’s possible. :) #I hope y’all have a wonderful year and have blessings flowing our way. 🤞🏽🖤

[boyghcst]

.

#i had a nice day today #but rn I just feel like I don’t belong here #n like I’m not really living for anything #idk it feels like too much to ask to have to stay living in a place u feel disconnected from #I don’t think anyone likes me tbh #i feel like there are way more interesting and better ppl than me #I don’t rlly make any difference to the ppl around me #I rlly do wanna off myself but I’m also scared abt doing it #bc I don’t wanna hurt the ppl I love and ik its something tht will hurt them #but I also know it’ll be something they’ll have to live with and get over in time #I wish I didn’t feel suicidal and could enjoy life and love myself and my surroundings #but I just have a heavy ache in my heart tht doesn’t seem to go away #like the pressure of this life and knowing I’ll never amount to anything or to anyone #journal

[libidinous-weeb]

MDNI, 18+ content!! just more smut writing tips. of course.

hey, it kinda seems like…everyone overuse. the adjective “pretty” in fics?

there are other adjectives to use that are more descriptive and less vague. it will go a long way towards making your fic seem more realistic and create a clearer image of things in your readers’ minds. over using an adjective takes away from its descriptive impact and makes the word itself seem boring and dull. “pretty” is also a vague description.

try adding to it by describing WHAT about that specific thing is pretty. or you can try replacing it with something more specific. “your eyes get all teary when i fuck you. they always look so fucking pretty” OR something like “she stops and gets closer, now outright staring. your pussy feels hot and it seems to get even wetter under her gaze. you feel like your clit is begging for her attention, for her touch. you want her to fuck you with her fingers so she can feel how your pussy squeezes and contracts around them when you cum.”

i’ve also noticed that everyone is kind of…using the same writing style as each other in smut fics. or they write the dialogue for all of their fics the exact same way, even if the character is different. changing things up, ESPECIALLY from character to character is important. if their personalities are different and they are different characters they probably don’t talk the same, even in a smut scene.

i know it’s tempting to copy everything from your favorite writers in YOUR writing, but doing so makes your fics repetitive and cookie cutter. taking inspiration from how and what they write is great, but please don’t copy their exact style, especially when it comes to descriptions (and even more specifically descriptions of body parts) or dialogue between characters.

#i read a fic the other day that literally used ‘pretty’ like 20-30 times #and it was a drabble #changing up the adjectives you use in your writing keeps it from feeling repetitive #i’ve sort of noticed this trend on here where everyone just copies each other’s writing styles all the time #please! develop your own writing style! i wanna read YOUR writing! #there’s nothing wrong with learning from other writers or incorporating some of their techniques in your own writing #but please do not copy their entire writing style!!! #writing tips #thesaurus.com is a great way to look for different adjectives that have the same meaning as the word you want to use #but describing the same thing in the exact same way every time makes your writing seem stale! #don’t be afraid to change things up #no hate intended! just kind of a personal pet peeve! #honest to god it’s becoming a pet peeve of mine tbh #i go to read 3 different from 3 separate writers and somehow they’re all the exact same? #the way the reader whines and acts like a spoiled 7 year old before any sex even happens?? #the way everyone uses ‘pretty clit’ or ‘pretty pussy’ or make the character say ‘you’re so pretty’ it just #idk what’s pretty about it? okay so u think i’m pretty. and? what else u think about me? #if it’s a praise kink fic the praise has to be specific and detailed or else it doesn’t feel like real praise #it feels like something someone says to any girl no matter who it is and why #what’s special and pretty about me?? #mdni #nsft #minors do not interact #jjk smut #bnha smut #mha smut #smut

[ko-eko-ev-go-ms]

Brain is braining too much me thinks

#thoughts #oni talks #oni vents #I feel like I’m being torn between 2 futures and I know one isn’t really realistic and is a thing of the past but it’s also like #not only does it feel like giving up but it also feels like I’d have to face the fact that I can’t go back and unexperience some things #that changed me as a person and I know me wanting to go down that path is me trying to go back to when I first started feeling hope for #life again (if I ever had that tbh) & it’s meant so much to me for so long and like I know that I 100% would not be able to have achieved #any of what I’ve achieved now if I hadn’t started that first path. the fact that the second one is even an option is because of the first. #I also wonder how much is on me & it compounds in the severe regret I’ve been having about some recent stuff in my life along with recurrent #realizations and nightmares of the past haunting me & just. it’s so painful I know maybe I’m being dramatic and there’s a possibility that #in the future if it will work out and I can have my cake and eat it too but I genuinely don’t know how realistic that is to achieve #I want to be able to recapture the feelings I had before but there are certain experiences that so thouroughly crushed the person I had #finally begun to build up that I don’t know if that’s truly possible & if I just have to accept that I need to change to face who I am now #I’ve been really stuck recently when it comes to getting better and I know why but I’ve also blocked out so much of it that it’s just like #hard to even work through things you just want to forget and act like they never happened because that’s easier & logically I know it doesnt #work that way but it still feels painful. I feel the weight of my mistakes on my shoulders again. & it’s been resulting in what I know is #a lot of self sabotage & I feel like I should be better than this but I’m not I feel like I’ve regressed & like it wasn’t that long ago that #I literally felt like I was a kid again it was so surreal and strange & gross & I just hate so much of what’s happened in my life but I also #know there’s a lot of good that’s come from it & so it’s hard to process all these awful things when I know if they weren’t there the stuff #that I do love wouldn’t be either. it’s really hard to hope for a future I’ve never experienced. I’ve been meeting so many new people & its #reminded me of how anxious I actually am as a person bc normally I don’t have to face that bc I am by myself or in specific scenarios I’ve #cultivated to be tolerable & i feel like I keep learning things about myself or my experiences that I just don’t want to learn or to exist #& it’s frustrating bc there’s also so much pressure not just from myself but other ppl that I want to be able to pull through & do things #I know are probably not the most realistic but then a part of me is angry at myself at being a coward & wondering if I’m just awful & broken #I’ve been trying to fight back in what ways I can and the results have (usually) been really good but they come with their own prices #I hate how easy it’s become to simultaneously prefer escapism while not feeling like things are bad enough or that there is no escapism #I hate that I keep having moments where I get things and then I just fall again & Ik I’ll get there eventually but I’ve lost so much hope #that I don’t know if it’s even possible to ever get back. the last year or so is just so many ups and downs and new things and idk #I feel so torn because this is a future I foresaw and even wanted at some point and now it feels so heavy & costly & I just feel #like I’m evil & irredeemable or smth & every time I get told the opposite a part of me immediately can’t accept it especially