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#SOME OF THEM HAVE PETS. AND THEIR PETS LOVE THEM A LOT. NAOMI LIVES ALONE WITH HER CAT AND THERE'S NO ONE WHO CAN TAKE CARE OF HER

zexhyr · 1 year

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ZEKE BAEK (nonbinary, he/they, kim mingyu) is 25 and a HAIRDRESSER from ATHENS, but now they can be found in MAIN VILLA. they are known as THE AESTHETE because they are PATIENT, but if things kick off, they can be a bit NAIVE. they’re BISEXUAL and are most interested in grafting NAOMI & ROMI. one thing they want to accomplish in casa amor is SOMEONE WHO WILL GENUIELY CHERISH HIM. (stickered covered apple max headphones, melodic laughter that fills an entire space, hushed whispers and soft giggles, and metallic shears resting on a towel.)

BIO!

Born and raised in Athens, Greece, Zeke lives there with his grandmother. His mother passed giving birth to him and his father had passed away when he was five. A bit rough for him but it’s alright because Zeke has his grandmother who loves him dearly.

Because it was only the two of them, Zeke was always found at his grandmother’s side. If she went to the grocery store, he was pushing the cart for her. If she was visiting a friend, he was sitting at the table eating whatever cookies they gave him. And if she was working, he would be there too, and that was his favorite place to be.

His grandmother worked as a hairdresser at their local hair salon and it easily became Zeke’s favorite place to be. While dominated by women, he never felt like an outsider, they never made Zeke feel like an outsider. Instead of doing his homework, he would sit in his designated seat and watch everyone work. It always amazed him how they did everything so effortlessly and continue to gossip about everything happening in their lives. For a little kid, it was magical to watch it all happen.

Zeke’s fascination never left as he grew older, he simply pushed him down the road of becoming a hairdresser. Many tried to push him towards becoming a barber ( bc Men ) but he would always shake his head no, a barbershop wasn’t his home, it was a hair salon.

Every day after school he would go to the hair salon. Everyone knew his name and face, hell, he even worked there as a receptionist and cleaned up for everyone. Lowkey was used to bring in younger customers because of his looks,,,,, the same could be said now.

By the time they graduated from high school, Zeke went off to cosmetology school. They walked out as a licensed hairdresser and worked at the same place as their grandmother. And everyone loved it, happy to see Zeke everyday now as the young adult worked beside them. And once again, Zeke brought in a lot of customers for them because they look like a literal Greek God.

And it’s fun, they’re doing something they love! Their career is great but that’s... about it. Zeke doesn’t have any friends his age, all of his friends are married women in their 40s and up, some even being widows. While he made friends at school, none of them really stuck around for long. The same could be said about their love life.

No one really stays for long, both platonically and romantically and it sucks, ya’ know. Zeke begins to think that he’s gonna be left with older women his entire life until they women at his job talk about Love Island. And they’re all telling him that he has to go onto the show because it’ll be fun and maybe he’ll meet the love of his life. It sounded silly at first until he’s like hahha UNLESS...?

So boom, he arrives during Casa and he’s like “ I want love blah blah blah “. Idk I GIVE UP NO MORE INTRO MEET ZEKE BAEK CLAP YOUR HANDS.

QUICK FACTS!

Has a pet dog named Atlas! Atlas will be turning four in February.

Has yet to tell their grandmother this but Zeke does want to move out but doesn’t want to leave her alone.

Traveled to California once with friends, enjoyed the state for the most part. Considered moving there once.

Realizing now that Zeke does in fact know three languages! Korean, English, and Greek <3

Yes he can do your muses hair, he brought his little kit if anyone wants a drastic hair change.

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tabloidtoc · 3 years

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National Examiner, January 25

Cover: Secret Dawn Wells took to the grave: her affair with Bob Denver of Gilligan’s Island

Page 2: Best and Worst Celeb Tippers -- Katherine Heigl, Amy Schumer, Drew Barrymore, Jessica Simpson, Britney Spears, Madonna, Johnny Depp, Jay-Z

Page 3: Charlie Sheen, Ben Affleck, Sean Penn, Sharon Stone, Naomi Campbell, Mark Zuckerberg, Tom Selleck and Donnie Wahlberg took the 2020 Tip Challenge

Page 4: Goldie Hawn’s movie roles

Page 6: Melissa Gilbert who played Laura Ingalls on Little House on the Prairie says if there’s one piece of unfinished business that emerged from the show it’s that she’d like to punch former co-star Shannen Doherty -- Shannen was only 12 when she joined the Little House cast for the show’s ninth and final season playing Jenny Wilder but in a couples therapy session with her first husband Bo Brinkman it came out that Shannen at 22 had bagged Bo in bed

Page 7: Country star Dolly Parton may be 75 year old but that doesn’t stop her from leaping out of bed at 3 a.m. every morning -- she’s a very very very early riser and she goes to bed pretty early but she’s up and down

* Tom Hanks has been in countless movies and TV shows but his most important role in life has been as a father of four and he has tips for how to do it right

Page 8: If you’ve soured on feeding canned dog food to your precious pooch you’re not alone -- plenty of owners are switching over to healthy people-food diets for their pets but it’s essential to get guidance from your veterinarian

Page 9: Most of your kitty’s diet should be a nutritionally complete cat food but you can give them a treat from your plate every once in a while -- you just need to know how to choose feline-friendly snacks with nutrients they need and which they should NEVER eat -- check with your veterinarian

* Why animals creep into our dreams -- we all dream about animals from time to time and here are some of the most common creatures of our nights and what they could be trying to tell us

Page 10: On his 21st birthday Matt Goodman raised a glass to his late father who had left behind the money to buy his son’s first beer

Page 11: Your Health -- the stark truth is that sleeping naked is good for you

Page 12: Top Guns -- these Hollywood stars were fastest on the draw -- James Garner, Henry Fonda, Eli Wallach, Burt Lancaster, Roy Rogers

Page 13: Kevin Costner, Yul Brynner, Gary Cooper, Clint Eastwood, John Wayne

Page 14: Dear Tony, America’s Top Psychic Healer -- a lesson from COVID-19 which is work on mentally healing ourselves, Tony predicts Miley Cyrus will struggle to overcome many of her self-destructive habits, finding strength through religion and she will be back on the hit parade come summer

Page 15: If you and your partner fight a lot here’s a great idea to grasp: holding each other’s hand is the key to better conflict resolution

Page 16: Prince William and Duchess Kate Middleton might be royals but they’re raising their children just like any other parents and family is their first priority and Will and Kate are rarely apart from their three kids Prince George and Prince Charlotte and Prince Louis

Page 18: Maggie the shelter stray was twice unlucky when two potential forever homes kicked her to the curb but now she’s found her true calling as a beloved K-9 officer

Page 19: A homeless man in Atlanta put his life on the line to rescue every single cat and dog from a blazing inferno at an animal shelter

Page 20: Cover Story -- a three-hour tour that turned into a three-season laugh-fest on Gilligan’s Island made Dawn Wells a star and she took the show’s juiciest secrets to her grave including a red-hot affair with co-star Bob Denver -- Dawn who died of complications related to COVID-19 at age 82 hid a crazy sexy side which she kept under wraps because it was the exact opposite of the squeaky-clean image se presented to the world as farm girl Mary Ann on Gilligan’s Island

Page 22: This Michigan teen is a top Elvis Presley impersonator even performing in Las Vegas and the only one with Down syndrome

Page 24: Texas firefighters were hailed as heroes after they rescued a four-year-old boy who had fallen down a well

Page 25: Here’s the dirt on soil-free gardening

Page 26: Nice Work If You Can Get It -- celebs shell out stupid money for stupid jobs -- Rod Stewart travels with a room-darkening team, Lady Gaga hates to sleep alone and her personal assistant had to get in bed with her on nights when Gaga was solo, Larry Ellison likes to play basketball on his yacht and employs a person who job it is to circle it in a boat and retrieve stray balls from the ocean, Mariah Carey has a woman who stands beside her at all times holding a drink, Snoop Dogg pays a professional blunts roller, Prince Charles has a personal dresser, Justin Bieber’s entourage includes someone to hold his drink and another to hold his slice of pizza, Sean Combs has an assistant whose only job is to carry around an umbrella for him

Page 28: Burt Lancaster was one of Hollywood’s biggest stars acting in more than 70 movies during a four-decade-long career but he was also a silly practical joker says his daughter Joanna Lancaster one of the actor’s five children

Page 30: Legendary actress and dancer Ann-Marget will be 80 years old in April but she’s still stepping out and making movies -- you’re not dead when you reach a certain age said the star who shot to fame when she famously dated Elvis Presley when they made Viva Las Vegas in 1964

* Candice Bergen running wild and free at age 74 -- she recently became a first-time grandmother and is selling her hand-designed merchandise online

* What is Marie Osmond doing during the pandemic? She bought a Harley motorcycle and so did her husband Steve and they love to go riding together -- the twosome also take walks and see their kids and grandkids and stay busy and have fun

Page 42: All Washed Up -- surprising facts about bathing and showering

Page 44: Eyes on the Stars -- Ellen DeGeneres goes for a spin in California (picture), Chrissy Teigen and John Legend take their kids Luna and Miles to watch planes make the tricky landing at St. Barts’ airport (picture), Joan Collins claims she once gave Bobby Kennedy the brush off because neither of them was single at the time, George Clooney can’t bear the thought of his early film Grizzly II seeing the light of day but it is set to be released later this year, Barry Gibb the last living member of The Bee Gees says life was incredibly hard after losing his brothers and bandmates Robin Gibb and Maurice Gibb who died in 2012 and 2003, Ray Liotta and Jacy Nittolo engaged, Bob Seger paid tribute to saxophonist Alto Reed a longtime member of his Silver Bullet Band who lost his life to colon cancer

Page 45: Prince Charles and Duchess Camilla show off their walking sticks outside their home at Birkhall in Scotland (picture), Tori Spelling gets some puppy love from one of their pet pooches in L.A. with help from hubby Dean McDermott (picture), Megan Fox has moved on with Machine Gun Kelly and her estranged husband Brian Austin Green isn’t moping solo -- he vacationed in Hawaii with Sharna Burgess of Dancing with the Stars, British photographer David Bailey is dishing on his storied career in his memoir -- he claims sloshed Elizabeth Taylor tried to swipe his camera and his first impression of ex-wife Catherine Deneuve was that she was short and a bit on the fat side, Phyllis McGuire who shared the stage with her late siblings Dorothy and Ruby as the McGuire Sisters died in her lavish Las Vegas home -- she found fame through her voice and infamy through her relationship with Sin City mobster Sam Giancana

Page 46: Good-hearted sheriff’s deputies surprised a woman with a vehicle after they kept getting calls about her walking along the highway in the freezing cold each morning

Page 47: These UN Ambassadors use star power to help -- Emma Watson, Danny Glover, Nicole Kidman, Angelina Jolie, Antonio Banderas, Whoopi Goldberg, Susan Sarandon, Liam Neeson, Laurence Fishburne, Mia Farrow, Katy Perry, Alyssa Milano

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heauxplesslydevoted · 5 years

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Healing (Part 1)

Summary: Ethan is forced to confront his past after an unexpected meeting

Tags: @canknot @lapisreviewsstuff @x-kyne-x @paulfwesley @ramseyandrys @choicesobsessedd @a-i-n-a-a-s-h @sparklinglilac @cream-ray @perriewinklenerdie @barricades-of-freedom @dr-brianna-casey-valentine @doroshi-desu @aworldoffandoms

~~V~~

Ethan wakes up to kisses. First on his shoulder, then down his arm, and up his chest to his neck. “Mhmmm, Rookie.”

“Yes?”

“I’m sleeping.”

“Well, I’m up. Keep me company.”

Ethan cracks open one eye and sees his girlfriend Naomi peering down at him like a kid on Christmas morning. She’s so close, tendrils of her curly hair are tickling his face. “I was having a really good dream.”

“What dream is better than having me in bed with you, Dr. Ramsey?”

She knows he’s a sucker for her using his official title when they’re home alone. “You and I were on vacation.”

“Where were we? Somewhere warm or in the snow?”

“Warm. Private island right off the coast of Fiji.”

“Ooh, maybe I should let you go back to sleep. Or maybe this is a sign that you should actually take me on vacation.”

Ethan rolls over and gives Naomi a kiss. “Good morning, beautiful.”

“Good morning, handsome.”

“So what are the plans for the day?” It’s one of those rare Sunday mornings where they didn’t have to work. And Naomi always tries to make the most of their off days together.

“I didn’t make any plans,” Naomi confesses.

“Really?”

“No. It’s a rainy day, I figured we could spend it in bed.” It had been a very long week at Edenbrook. Naomi wants nothing more than to stay in bed with Ethan, watch some reality tv, and eat greasy food.

“Well if that was the case, you could’ve let me sleep,” Ethan teases.

“What if I wanted to do something in this bed that is much more fun than sleep?”

“Oh yeah?” Ethan raises an eyebrow. “What did you have in mind?”

Naomi grins and climbs on top of Ethan, straddling him. “It involves you and me.”

“And do we get naked?”

“Oh, we most certainly do.”

“Why didn’t you just say so?” Ethan grabs Naomi by the back of her neck and pulls her down, kissing her eagerly. Without breaking their kiss, he loops an arm around her and flips them over, so he’s now hovering above her.

His hand travels up her bare thigh and settles at her hip, making her squirm. Naomi is notoriously ticklish, something Ethan enjoys taking advantage of. He inches his hand up higher, his fingers skimming her sides.

Naomi gaps and tries to disguise it as a cough. “Ethan!”

He feigns innocence. “What?”

“Stop, you know I’m–” she yelps and giggles as he digs his fingers deeper into her side. She snorts and that only spurs Ethan on further. “Ticklish!”

“I happen to think it’s adorable.” Ethan drops his head slightly and kisses Naomi again. He leaves a trail of open mouth kisses on her jaw and neck, careful to not leave any visible marks or bruises. He grips the hem of her shirt again, prepared to pull it off of her this time.

Before he can go any further, the doorbell rings.

“Was that the door?” Naomi asks, her eyes snapping open. She tries to roll out of Ethan’s grasp, but he holds her in place.

“Yes, but who cares. Ignore it.”

Ethan resumes kissing her, instantly forgetting about whoever was just at his front door mere moments ago. But the doorbell rings again, this time twice.

“We should answer,” Naomi says. “It might be important.”

Naomi manages to untangle herself from Ethan and she laughs at the pout adorning his face. She pecks him on the lips and pulls away before he can deepen the kiss.

“Naomi Valentine, you are a tease.”

She smirks wickedly at him and grabs her bathrobe that’s laying at the foot of the bed, tying it. “I’ll be back in a sec, you horny old man.”

Rushing out of their bedroom, Naomi makes her way to the front door, opening it. There’s a woman standing there. She’s older — in her 60s — and pretty tall. She has light brown hair pulled into a neat bun on top of her head, huge blue eyes, and a worried look on her face.

Jenner moves from his pet bed in front of the fireplace in the living room and trots over to Naomi, curious as to who’s at the door. He barks loudly, ready to defend his household.

“Jenner, be nice,” Naomi scolds. She glances at the woman apologetically. “Ignore him, he’s a sweetheart.”

“Hi,” the woman greets slowly. “I think I have the wrong apartment.”

“Who are you looking for?” Naomi asks. “I know most of the tenants on this floor, maybe I can point you in the right direction.”

“Ethan Ramsey. Do you know which apartment is his?”

“Actually, you have the right one. Ethan lives here.” Naomi turns around and yells into the apartment, “Ethan! Someone is at the door for you!”

She can hear him muttering, annoyed at he has to get out of bed, but he comes into the living room anyway.

“Whoever it is better have a damn good reason for–”

He stops dead in his tracks as he saw who was at his front door. “Mom?”

Ethan’s mom smiles brightly upon seeing him. “Ethan! Oh oh my goodness, it’s so good to see you.” She practically throws herself at him, her arms clutching around his neck tightly. He goes rigid for a few moments before reciprocating the hug.

His mom breaks away from the hug after a few seconds. “Sorry for ambushing you like that. I just got excited.”

“It’s alright.”

She turns back to Naomi, a warm smile on her face. “Forgive me, where are my manners?” She extends a hand. “Margaret Ramsey, Ethan’s mom.”

“Naomi Valentine, Ethan’s girlfriend,” Naomi replies, shaking the older woman’s hand.

“You are the prettiest thing!” Margaret coos. She squeezes Naomi’s hand affectionately.

“Thank you.”

“Are you a doctor as well?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“You’re so sweet. There’s no need to call me ma’am. Margaret is fine, or Maggie.”

“Nice to meet you, Margaret.”

Ethan clears his throat, bringing the attention back to him. “Mom, what are you doing here? It’s 8 o'clock in the morning, on a Saturday.”

“I hope you don’t mind, I forced your sister to give me your address.”

“Why are you here, in Boston?” Confused is an understatement. Ethan’s parents lived in New York. Why was his mom in Boston?

Margaret wrings her hands. She’s anxious. Naomi picks up on it instantly and steps in. “How about I make us some tea? Or coffee?”

“Tea sounds lovely.”

“Great.”

Ethan gestures for his mother to have a seat. She sits in the comfortable chair across from the couch, where Ethan sits. A few minutes later, Naomi joins them, three cups of tea in her hands.

“This is a lovely apartment, Ethan,” Margaret starts. “It’s so...open and airy. You have a great view.”

“Thank you. That view cost me a lot of money.”

“The best ones usually do.”

And then they’re back to awkward silence.

“So...how’s work?” Margaret asks in an attempt to break the ice.

That’s when Ethan knows something is up. His mother has never expressed much interest in his work before, even when he was still on decent terms with them.

“Mom, let’s not beat around the bush. What are you doing out here? Does dad know you’re here?”

“He doesn’t know I’m here, in your home, but yes, he knows I’m in Boston. He’s here with me,” Margaret answers. “He’s still at the hotel, probably asleep.”

“Okay. Well, what brings you to Boston?”

Margaret chews her lip thoughtfully, as if she’s trying to find and choose her words carefully. “Your father...the doctor’s found a tumor on his spine, and it’s cancerous.”

Ethan doesn’t say anything immediately, not having the words to express how he feels about the situation.

“Dad has cancer?”

Margaret nods sadly. “It started out with him having some minor aches and pains. We brushed it off as him just getting older. Then we bought a new mattress, but that didn’t help. Then Bill started having difficulty walking. His doctors originally thought it might’ve been arthritis, but we kept pushing. Finally a neurologist confirmed that it’s cancer of the spinal cord.”

Naomi runs her fingers over Ethan’s knuckles. He’s tense. She grabs hold of his hand and he squeezes tightly, using her as his lifeline.

“So what are you going to do? What’s the treatment plan? Who’s his doctor?”

“Since it’s a pretty rare form of cancer, we had to outsource, which is why we’re here. We are going to meet with his doctor tomorrow at Mass Kenmore–”

“Mass Kenmore?” Ethan can’t hide his disdain. “No, absolutely not. No way is dad going to a podunk, second rate hospital for treatment. When Mass Ken doesn’t have the tools or doctors to help a patient, they send them to Edenbrook.”

“Your father really likes the surgeon he found.”

“Harper Emery is one of the best neurosurgeons in the country, and I work with her.”

“Your father is a stubborn old man, Ethan,” Margaret says. “You know that better than anyone. He’s found a doctor, he likes him. I didn’t come here for your expertise as a doctor, I’m just a mother who hasn’t seen her son in years. And since we were in town, I thought it’d be nice to reach out. It’s been...far too long since we’ve seen each other.”

There was a large elephant in the room, a dark cloud hanging over them. He hadn’t spoken to his parents in 4 years, and he hadn’t seen them in well over 10.

“Your father and I were thinking of going out to dinner tonight. How about you two join us?”

Naomi opens her mouth to accept the invitation, but she stops herself. She glances at Ethan, a pensive look clouding his handsome features and she falls back. Accepting the invitation on his behalf is a complete overstep of boundaries.

“We’ll think about it,” Naomi offers you diplomatically.

“Of course. We have reservations at Meritage for 7 PM,” Margaret says. “Hopefully we’ll see you there.” She checks the time on her watch. “I should get back to the hotel.”

Naomi walks Margaret to the door, seeing the older woman off. When she turns back to the living room, Ethan is still on the couch, almost as if he’s frozen.

“Ethan? Ethan, baby are you okay?”

Ethan looks up and sees Naomi staring at him, concern etched across her face. “Hmm?”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He stands up. “I’m going back to bed.”

“Ethan–”

“Naomi, you asked a question, I responded. Why do you keep trying to prod?”

Naomi sucks in a deep breath. She knows all of Ethan’s defense mechanisms like the back of her hand. He’s trying to push her away.

“Why are you holding me at arm’s length?”

“I’m not,” Ethan argues as he makes his way back to their bedroom, Naomi following right behind.

“You are. And you should by now that I’m incredibly stubborn, so I won’t let you do it.” She watches as Ethan gets back into bed. She slides in as well, placing her head on his chest. “You just found out that your dad has cancer. That’s a lot to take on. So can you please talk to me?”

“My dad has cancer,” Ethan repeats. “And he didn’t tell me.”

“If he’s anything like you, he’ll beat it. I’m sure he’s stubborn and a fighter like you.”

“Stubborn is one word for it,” Ethan says with a snort.

Naomi laces their fingers together. “You never talk about them, your parents.”

“My dad runs his father’s brokerage firm in Manhattan. Very wealthy, very strict, very stuffy.”

“Sounds familiar,” Naomi teases.

“I have no interest in finance, in New York society, none of it. My younger sister though, she’s my dad’s pride and joy. She’s basically a miniature version of him, though nicer and much prettier. She’s the only one I still keep in contact with.”

Naomi nods. Ethan’s talked about his sister, Vanessa multiple times, and she’s even came to Boston with her husband to visit them.

“When I graduated high school, and told my parents I was going to study biology and chemistry at Dartmouth, he was upset. I was supposed to be the prodigal son, follow in his footsteps, take over the business, marry a descendant of the Rockefellers or Vanderbilts. My mom tried to mediate for a while, but it all fell flat, and I eventually stopped contact with them. I had to put myself through college and medical school because my dad wouldn’t pay, and I didn’t want his money either. The last time I’ve physically seen my dad was my medical school graduation. We argued at my celebration dinner. He told me that I wasn’t going to hack it as a doctor and I’d eventually come crawling back to New York, and I told him he doesn’t understand real success because he's had everything handed to him. He called me a spoiled brat, and I said he was manipulative and spiteful.”

Naomi doesn’t say anything as Ethan vents. It’s obvious he just needs to get all of this out without interruption.

“My father’s love is conditional. It comes with strings and clauses. I hated him and I was so resentful for such a long time, maybe I still am, I don’t know.”

Ethan gets out of the bed and Naomi watches as he paces the floor, back and forth, back and forth.

“I want nothing more than to never think about William Ramsey ever again, but the other half of me wants to gloat. I put myself through 8 years of school. I graduated at the top of my class. I’ve received awards from the American Medical Association, I’ve given keynote speeches at some of the most prestigious medical conferences in the world. I’ve published more researched, been featured in more journals than I can count. I’ve written best selling books and textbooks. I am the best at my job, no one does it better than me. I live in a multi-million dollar penthouse in the heart of Boston, paid for by no one other than myself, I have an amazing and brilliant girlfriend, I am great. I am at the top of my game.”

“It’s okay to still crave your parents’ approval,” Naomi tells him softly.

“But why do I? What makes them so special that I still feel the need to seek validation from them when they haven’t done a damn thing for me.”

“And he has cancer,” Ethan adds. “And he’s probably anxious and scared, and I feel horrible and selfish for feeling all of these things while he’s fighting for his life.”

Naomi gets out of the bed and walks over to where Ethan is pacing. She wraps her arms tightly around his waist. He breaths out a heavy sigh of relief at her touch and melts into the hug, burying his face in the crook of her neck.

They’re locked in the embrace for a long time, and Naomi feels a few of his tears hit her exposed skin. She doesn’t mind.

“You’re allowed to feel how you feel, Ethan. You’re allowed to be selfish, though I don’t think you are. You’re allowed to have a wide array of emotions because you’re human. You can love your dad and still be mad at him.”

“And you don’t owe anything a damn thing. I’ll follow your lead on this. We don’t have to go to dinner with them tonight. We can stay in bed all day if you want. But if you do want to go, we can, and I’ll be right there with you.”

Ethan’s entire body sags with the weight of the decision. He truly doesn’t know what he wants.

“I want to go back to bed,” he says, his voice muffled, his head still in the crux of her neck. “We can talk more after a nap.”

“That sounds good.”

Naomi leads them back to bed and Ethan all but falls into it. Once Naomi is in, he clings to her, his head on her chest, an arm wrapped tightly around her. She lightly runs her fingers through his hair, offering comfort.

“I love you,” Ethan whispers. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“I love you, too.”

“What did I do to deserve you?”

“Maybe you were really good in your past life. Rescued kittens from trees, walked old ladies across the street.”

Ethan laughs softly. “Whatever I did, I’m grateful.”

Naomi kisses the top of Ethan’s head. “Get some rest, baby.”

Ethan closes his eyes and allows himself to be lulled back to sleep by his girlfriend’s ministrations.

He’s going to see his father, maybe even confront him on some things. He’s never felt more sure of a decision, and he has Naomi and her support to thank.

He’ll tell her later though. First, he has a nap to take.

#choices: stories you play #playchoices #open heart #ethan ramsey #dr. ethan ramsey #ethan x mc #ethan ramsey x mc #pixelberry #fanfic

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stusbunker · 5 years

Text

Weddings and Other Holy Deals

For Better or Worst: Chapter One

Featuring: Sam Winchester x Emery Simmons-Winchester (OFC)

Setting: Mid Season 14 AU

Word Count: 1675

Summary: Sam finds an unlikely solution to the Michael problem in Dean’s head. His soon-to-be wife has her own side of the deal with the powers that be.

^*^*^

Jan. 20, 2019

Somewhere beyond the neatly trimmed lawns and the perfectly timed sprinkler systems, over a wide porch with a loveseat swing and past a storm door with etched glass, slept a Winchester. It was not a normal place for this Winchester, Sam for clarity’s sake, to be upon waking. But this wasn’t a usual day, for the hunter or anyone honestly. Though he had lived another day like this one, the excitement and anticipation he felt as he rolled over and saw his clock face shining back at him was unmatched. Today, Sam Winchester was getting married, and if he knew anything it was the best decision he had ever made. That things would only get better after today. Rare is certainty in life, which was why Sam held fast to his and began the life-changing day.

Across town, Bandit woke his bride. Bandit is her dog, soon to be their dog, a Setter mix that loved to herd. Emery Simmons had always been an animal person, but Bandit was a surprise blessing from her former life. She hadn’t asked to bring him along, though as there wasn’t much she had left, she supposed it was a perk to balance her expectations. She roamed through the short-term rental, contemplating the dress that had been left for her as she made herself a cup of tea. Bandit demanded a walk and a bout of catch in the park, which Emery accommodated, unhurried by the little preparations for the small ceremony. They weren’t going to start without her, after all.

Sam had exercised, showered and shaved by ten o’clock. He had another three hours before the service was scheduled, idle hands met a replaced contact list in his phone. He didn’t know any of these people yet, well he knew one. With little else to bide his time, Sam hit the old rotary phone icon below the smirking face.

“Whoa, when did they futz with our phones?” Emery asked, spinning around with Bandit’s leash before tucking her phone beneath her ear.

“Dunno, it’s weird right?” Sam stared at the tux bag hanging in the bedroom. Their bedroom.

“Creeptastic, actually. What’s up?” She sounded worried, maybe she was distracted. Sam was overthinking her tone and almost forgot to answer her.

“I didn’t have anyone else to call?” Sam offered, sitting at the end of the bed, huffing at himself with a sad smile. “Forget it, I’ll let you get back to your, stuff.”

“Hey, I’m just out for a walk, you’re not bothering me. Sam?” His name came out heavy, like she was reminding herself who she was marrying. He didn’t blame her. There was a scuffle on her end of the line before she groaned. “No, Bandit, no!”

Sam’s forehead shot to its full height. “Is that— are you walking a dog?”

“Uh, yesssssss? Is that going to be a problem?” Her sudden defensiveness made him grin, the image of her struggling with a leash warmed Sam from head to toe.

“Not at all, the opposite really. I love dogs.” He understood why she was anxious; they barely knew each other, it was a bit soon for a potential first fight.

“Well, good, shit, had me panicking there for a minute.” The conversation lulled as she reached the porch, each stumbling over small talk before she looked at the clock on the microwave. Sam was starting to pace, but the relief that there would be someone else in the house with them made it seem less scary somehow. They said their goodbyes and Sam decided he better eat before the nerves resurfaced. He quickly fried some bacon, out of habit, and tossed together a smoothie. Everything he could possibly want stocked in the fridge and cupboards; they had done their due diligence, apparently.

Two and a half hours later, Emery was hiking up the church steps, dress bent over her elbow and simple veil trailing behind her loose curls on a winter breeze. She had never had a lot of friends, but today was a day when a female entourage would have come in handy. She thought about her mother and how she would have worried over her hair until it needed to be reset. She sent up a silent prayer to her, telling her that she was finally making an honest woman of herself. Adding a few choice words that would have had them both pursing and posturing before breaking down into fits of giggles. God, did she miss her. She smiled quietly, opening her eyes and the heavy glass door.

The church was cavernous and quiet and after countless trips inside hallowed walls, Sam was able to appreciate the architecture and the scale of the ancient organ pipes. The minister seemed confused, but accommodating, given the last-minute organization. Sam stood at the end of the aisle, hands in his pockets, the ring box lightly brushing against his thigh. A blast of sound curled throughout the space, nimble fingers flying over aged keys as the timeless march stopped Sam’s heart. This was it, a pact fulfilled. He inhaled, swallowed, and turned to face his future.

Emery hated heels, but given the size of her husband, she may have to learn to live with them. The dress was forgiving at least, the gentle satin flowing as she glided down. Tried to glide. There was no one to give her away, no one at her elbow to keep time with, no onlookers to slow down for, no photographer to capture their faces as they saw each other for the first time. This moment was theirs alone, shy and appreciatively sacred. He smiled at her without teeth, dimples mesmerizing as she lost her rhythm, strolling to him out of the step-halt-step that was expected of her. None of that mattered anyway.

She shook her head and smiled back, licking her lips as she remembered the minister was waiting for her. Carefully she stood in front of Sam, toes of her white slippers lining up with his reflective black shoes. A small bouquet of orchids clutched in her right hand, her left petting her skirts as she tried to rub off the sweat.

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here-,” the ceremony began. They echoed the scripted vows, eyes locked on each other in hopeful promise. Cautiously optimistic was too naïve for these two, humble veneration too romantic. They stood as strangers, forging a partnership to save those dearest to them. It was a contract that required both of their souls, willfully shared and bonded before Heaven and Earth. Samuel Winchester took this woman, Emery Simmons as his lawfully wedded wife. And she him. For better or worse.

Two days prior

Two days and a series of choices prior, stood the other Winchester in an underground fortress, three hundred fifty miles due East. Dean was in his bedroom, staring at Death, or Billie, if we’re being technical. Which we should, being the time jumps and all. Billie handed him the last remaining outcome of his life on Earth. The book, once one of countless possibilities, remained his sole option from world ending calamity. That was until Sam burst in, with a very stern angel on his heels.

“Dean! Listen, so—Naomi thinks she can help us. Help you, with Michael.” Dean looked from Death to his brother to the psychotic bureaucrat, the exhaustion heavy in his eyes and on his heart. Puppy dog’s hopeful eyes barraging him with an innocence he hadn’t had to let down gently in ages. Dean felt, unabashedly, like the oldest soul in the room. The women regarded each other, silent conversation earning only an audible hum from the former Reaper.

“Interesting. Dean? I think you need to hear them out. I’ll be in touch.” Billie nodded to Naomi and vanished before Sam could get a word in. No one mentioned how these beings, especially the angel, entered the Bunker. A place lauded as being the securest on the planet, had conveniently become a haven for all sorts of unmentionables.

“Okay, let’s hear it,” Dean sighed, perching on his bed as he listened to the latest hair-brained scheme. That night, after hours of arguing, endless curt responses from Naomi and rebuttals from Castiel, Dean agreed to leave with her. Before Naomi whisked him away, she shared a pregnant glance with Sam.

“We’ll be in touch,” the platinum blonde angel replied curtly. The air was suffocating with tension, Dean tried to get Sam’s attention and Cas glared at his former puppet master.

“Wait, what am I supposed to leave like there isn’t something else going on here?!” Dean bellowed at Naomi, who looked like the cat that got the cream, rolled her eyes.

“Boys, one thing at a time, please?” She gestured to a corner of the library, where a glowing pattern had appeared on the old tiles.

“How’d you—” Cas stared in awe as a portal to Heaven opened before their eyes.

“This is a one-way, temporary portal, Castiel. Don’t try to stowaway or the deal, all of the deals are off. Do I make myself clear?” Naomi glared at each man like a field trip chaperone. The men nodded, but Dean’s jaw worked over all of his unanswered questions. The pounding in his head intensified the moment Naomi arrived, which almost, was a relief. It meant Mikey knew something was happening and his suspicion was enough to swing Dean’s vote.

“Alright boys,” Dean sniffed. “See you on the other side?” He shook Cas’s hand before pulling him into a brief hug. Sam stood waiting, an arm up and one underneath, they embraced as equals. Another risk, another potential goodbye.

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, bitch.” Dean chided, giving Sam a knowing smirk.

“Too short a list, jerk,” Sam tossed back, as Dean took Naomi’s hand like the kid forced to partner with the teacher in dance class. The portal swayed and flickered, the angel and the hunter pulled skyward, though Heaven was much farther away than the instant transport suggested.

“Sam?”

“Not now, Cas.” Sam stormed off, thumbing through his phone, needing to make some calls.

^*^*^

Read On: A New Normal

#for better or worst series #sam winchester fanfiction #sam winchester x ofc #s14 au #sam x emery #simwin

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homesoutofhuman · 5 years

Text

Daddy Issues: Christmas Special Edition Part two…

Warnings: Smut, curse words, angst

----------------

"Do you want to go to the park? Or we could do some Christmas shopping?” you ask Naomi, trying to be helpful once you’re out of the house.

“Actually I had a destination in mind.” She grabs your wrist and pulls you along.

Connor’s small legs can barely keep pace as all three of you dash through the streets. He looks up at you with wide eyes as if to ask why you are moving him so quickly so you wrench your hand from Naomi’s grasp, feeling her nails slide on your skin harshly.

“Can we slow down a bit?”

She scoffs, catches sight of Connor’s face and rolls her eyes. “He’s just like his father, always so serious about everything.”

Connor sniffs, looking worried he’s done something wrong and you hurl curses under your breath aimed at the back of Naomi’s head. You’re so busy trying to cheer up the little boy you don’t realise the destination Naomi has chosen until you’re already standing in the foyer.

“Naomi wait...this is…”

She holds up a hand. “I took the chance to let an old friend know I was in town. Ciao ‘tino…”

Santino approaches, striding through his gallery and you pick up Connor, backing away a bit as he greets Naomi.

“Bella….you look as good as ever…”

Naomi simpers in return and you give Connor a sceptical look. Santino catches sight of you and suddenly he is beside you, waving to Connor but leaning around the child to kiss your cheek, landing the second kiss right on your jaw bone. You blush but give him a friendly look. Since your birthday you and John have been starting a tentative friendship with the man, and you don’t want to jeopardise it.

“Princepessa…” he murmurs, using your old nickname and you have to hide a smirk at the look of outrage on Naomi’s face.

“I didn’t know we were coming here Santino...I’m...sorry.”

He shakes his head, speaking to you gently and calmly. “She gave me warning, do not distress yourself.”

When he turns back to Naomi his voice changes into something more theatrical, and you wince at the thought of any pain he may be hiding.

“So...let me give you a tour of the place…”

Santino shows off the most expensive piece in his gallery, not one of your favourites, but Naomi raves about it. You leave them to it, wandering back to your favourite spot, the Drip paintings. You managed to persuade John to let you keep Santino’s present so it hangs the wall of his office at home. Connor still doesn’t really to have an appreciation for art, so you find an apple in your bag and give it to him to munch on, thinking how proud John would be of you for having kicked your ice cream habit.

When you look up Naomi is standing in front of you looking sour. “You act like you’re his mother.”

“No I….” you stutter, feeling hurt and confused all at once.

She leans in close, and you can see the illusion of beauty she maintains crumbles a little on closer inspection. Her eyes are small and only made bright by heavy makeup, her mouth is twisted with rage.

“You’re not his fucking mother and you never will be.”

Santino appears right behind her, hearing every word. “That’s not polite Naomi. The child is here…”

She glances between him and you in outrage. “Are you fucking kidding me? Is everyone in love with the nanny? But then again, triangles were always your favourite shape ‘tino…”

Santino gives her a pained look. “This is not the place to discuss it.”

“I’m happy to take Connor home…” you offer in a small voice, seeing the tension between them.

“No. I made lunch reservations.” she seems to snap out of her bad mood, smiling at you and you blink at the sudden change.

Santino watches you all go, but as you pass he leans in with a quiet warning “Be careful principessa…that woman is never happier than when she’s causing someone pain.”

Naomi has surpassed herself, choosing a place that has Philippe Starck chairs but no allowance for children. The waiter looks down his nose at you when you ask for a menu for Connor. You dig around in your bag and find a juice box and some raisins, handing them to him with an apologetic look. Connor accepts them gratefully and your heart aches with fondness for him, hoping Naomi won’t hold it against you, you pet his curls and praise him, making him smile.

Naomi doesn’t seem to notice, she’s too busy ordering and not for the first time you begin to wonder what the hell John ever saw in her. If he’s telling you the truth, he never loved her, it was a drunken mistake. You know Santino did though, and you’re curious.

“Do you still keep in touch with Santino?”

Naomi orders wine before you can decline and finally turns her attention on you. “Hmm? Oh not really...I send him postcards occasionally.”

You flush, remembering, like the ones she sends to John for Connor. “You travel a lot.”

“Of course. Life is not living staying in one place.” she tilts her head, looking you up and down again and you shift in your seat as she leans over the table, pushing your hair back off your face.

“You should wear it like this...it makes you look older, you can see more of your bone structure.”

You self-consciously touch your hair, your skin burning where her fingers touched you. “Oh...I’m not sure…”

“Trust me. Just a few tweaks and I could have you looking so sophisticated Jonathan would die. Actually, let’s go shopping after lunch.”

She fills your wine glass and you sip nervously. “I need to take Connor home for his nap…”

“It’s fine, we’ll call Iosef to pick him up.” she picks at her salad, still staring at you. “Santino likes you too, huh?”

You shake your head. “No….he used to flirt with me to agitate John, but now we’ve all moved on.”

“So I see...you’ve moved on without me.”

She looks sad for the first time and you feel a tiny pang of sympathy. “It’s not like that. Connor misses you I’m sure, and as for me and John...it wasn’t planned, it just happened.”

You fix her with a gentle, earnest look “I’m not trying to be Connor’s mother Naomi, no one can ever take that away from you…”

She sniffs “Don’t be sweet to me, I don’t deserve it.”

Your throat is dry with nerves so you take another gulp of your wine. She refills your glass instantly and you have a strange impression she’s deliberately trying to make you drink more.

“I just need to ask...have you come to try and get John back?”

“You silly girl, no. I have Iosef”

“Oh, you love him?” you lean forward eagerly.

She gives a raucous laugh. “His father is a Russian oligarch, you know those people..have money we can’t even dream of…”

“Money is important to you?”

“Don’t be naive. Money is important to everyone. John has plenty though so you don’t need to worry. Why he still lives in that tiny house I have no idea.”

You bristle at her talking shit about a place that has such happy memories for you. “I don’t care if he has money or not.”

“Don’t you? He’s your sugar daddy is he not?”

You choke on your drink but she persists. “He bought you a car.”

“That was a birthday present” you gasp out.

“Sorry if I offended you, but you should be frank about it. We are all with people for different reasons. I’m sure Iosef is with me for sex.”

You’ve had enough wine to be curious, seeing Connor is distracted you dare to pursue the conversation. “So what is your theory on the reason John is with me?”

“Sweetie. You’re like a baby animal. Cute, full of life, and you evidently worship the ground he walks on. I bet you suck his cock whenever he wants, what more could a man wish for?”

You resist the urge to put your hands over Connor’s ears at her explicit words. “It’s not just about sex...we love each other.”

“I’m sure you do, but what do you have in common? The age-gap between you means you can’t possibly want the same things. I’m sorry to be cruel but there it is.”

You feel like she’s kicked you in the gut, suddenly feeling sick. “I’m taking Connor home...I think I drank too much…”

“Jesus I forgot you were a child.” Naomi complains, but relents and calls a cab for you all. Only when you see the sky is dark outside do you realise how late it is.

John is waiting at the door looking concerned. “Where were you?” You stumble inside and he smells your breath. “Have you been drinking?”

Naomi follows on your heels, ushering Connor inside. “Relax Jonathan, leave her alone…”

John gives her a murderous look. “I’m putting my son to bed. Get her a glass of water.”

Surprisingly she does so. “Thank you…” you say in a small voice “I think I’m about to get told off.”

She laughs, but not vindictively “I think you’re right. I better go.” she leaves in a cloud of sweet smelling luxury and you let your head drop back against the couch. The room spins around you. John appears beside you, he looks stern.

“You’re drunk.”

You wave a dismissive hand. “No! Tipsy maybe…” you reach to caress his cheek but he moves away and you feel hurt.

“You were drinking while looking after my child.”

You frown, raising yourself up on the couch to defend yourself. “I didn’t mean to drink so much...Naomi she...must have filled my glass…”

“You’re an adult. You should take responsibility for your own actions.” John admonishes and you pout, feeling anything but an adult in that moment.

“I’m sorry John...I’m so sorry. You know I’d never do anything to put Connor in danger…”

He looks torn between making his point and wanting to forgive you so you grab his hand and stroke the back of his thumb. “Don’t you know that?”

He lets out a deeply held breath. “Yes. I do. But still...you look a state…”

“Oh…?” you rub your face which feels too hot. “I’ll go take a shower…”

“No...I mean...you look...beautiful…” he cups your flushed cheeks and places a kiss on your mouth which is still glistening with wine. John gazes at you, you hair pushed off your face, your cheeks warm from drink, your eyes shining both alcohol and the fear you’ve upset him. He deepens the kiss as you simply respond, all your inhibitions destroyed by alcohol, you lift yourself up off the couch to press against him.

“John?” You say questioningly, as his actions and his words are not lining up.

“You have no idea do you?”

You hold him as he whimpers. “I’m here John...everything is okay…”

He gives a low grunt in his throat and lifts you off the couch. You grab your water and he carries you upstairs, placing you on the bed you now share. You’ve been living together for a while now but you still keep forgetting that John’s home is yours. He moves beside you and strokes your hair. You lay on your back and take deep cleansing breathes, waiting for the room to stop spinning.

“Feel better?” he asks, placing a warm large hand on your stomach soothingly.

“Yeah…”

You turn on your side to look at him and find him watching you with soft eyes. “Sorry I shouted at you (Y/N). I was just so worried...you’re precious…”

“I forgive you. If you forgive me?”

“Of course…” he kisses your forehead and you shift a bit so your head is on his chest. He runs his hand soothingly down your side and you feel yourself growing wet, all it takes is for him to touch you and your body readies itself for sex, it’s a problem.

John is staring at you, as if afraid you’ll disappear if he blinks. “I was going out of my mind...and it wasn’t just for Connor. God, it scares me how much I love you.”

He helps you undress and you lay back down on the bed. He’s wearing his old t-shirt with the hole in the collar and plaid pyjama pants. He looks tired, gorgeous, yours.

“Show me how much you love me John…” you plead and he moves over you without hesitation, moving his fingers inside your underwear. His eyes widen when he finds you soaking and if you hadn’t had so much wine you’d be embarrassed.

“You’re so wet for me…” he says in wonder and you arch your back like a cat, moving your arms above your head and moaning as his lovely fingers speed up. He bends down, sucking your nipples, making you give a needy whine. His licks his tongue over your navel, pulling down your panties and dipping his head to eagerly taste you.

You think he is going to stay there a while, so you give a cry of surprise as he flips you over on the bed. You look over your shoulder and see him staring at you again, and press yourself into the mattress feeling vulnerable. John grips your shoulders then scratches his nails lightly down your back, ending at your backside and pushing it down so you’re flat against the bed. His cock slaps against your ass and he trails it down over the cheeks to your entrance, leaving a damp trail in its wake.

“Going to teach you not to scare me like that…” he murmurs and you hear from his voice he is wrecked, pushing into you steadily. You fist your hands into the sheets as he moves roughly inside you, jolting you against the mattress but gripping your hips, not letting you move. You lay there and take it, choked sobs of pleasure falling from your lips, begging him to go faster and harder even as he fucks wild and unhinged like an animal.

His desperate passion makes you shiver and you flood around him as he bends to growl in your ear. “Come on little one...I want to feel you soak my cock baby...” You obey easily, you’ve never felt pleasure so intense. Your head is already so dizzy from the wine you almost black out from your climax.

When he comes with a roar John sinks his teeth into your neck hard enough to leave marks. He turns you over as you can barely move yourself and kisses you, open mouthed and possessive, before letting you fall back against the pillows.

“‘m sorry John…” you murmur again.

“You better not leave me...” he whispers, pressing a kiss to your forehead and it’s the last thing that echoes in your mind before you sleep.

#ouch my heart #again i'll be here in the trash if you need me #my mum told me off for saying trash and not rubbish but i can do what i want #daddy issues #christmas edition #john wick x you #john wick x reader #dilf!johnwick #i was gonna wait for sunday to post but i'm bored and needy so here we are

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soveryanon · 5 years

Text

Reviewing time for MAG150 /X__X/

- … So this is how you guys pronounce “cul-de-sac”, you absolute barbarians. (No, you don’t pronounce that L in French……………..)

- Statement-giver was, this week again, an absolute delight of sarcasm/self-awareness/casual self-deprecation… and so honest about his own faults and wrongs and personal pet-peeves that, even with the cheating, he didn’t seem antipathetic to me at all? Except for:

(MAG150, Herman Gorgoli) “There’s plenty of things I’ve done I couldn’t explain to you. I mean, I’m constantly, constantly looking back on my past self, and thinking: “What an idiot. How the hell could he have down such an obviously stupid thing? How was I surprised it went so badly; what a relief I’m now so much older, and wiser.” … Except that last part never really turns out to be true, does it? The line of when you were your dumb younger self seems to keep moving forwards with you, until each more mature and reasonable version of you… eventually falls foul of it, and becomes… a young idiot.”

YOU’RE RIGHT BUT YOU SHOULDN’T SAY IT………… SHHHHHHH…

- The moose thing. The effing moose thing. I love that in the middle of cheating and probably-depression/middle-age crisis and bad break-up, there was suddenly the mention of the moose:

(MAG150, Herman Gorgoli) “I’d probably have stayed away forever if it… hadn’t been for the moose. There was a… carved wooden moose, you see, something Alberto’s grandfather had carved, apparently, and a real family heirloom. It was an ugly old thing, with this… weird angular face that always made my skin crawl a bit. I’d never let him display it in our house, so it had lived in one of the suitcases under the stairs. The suitcases I’d pulled out and filled in a tearful rage when I was leaving. So… yeah, I’d kind of accidentally stolen the moose?”

How do you “accidentally” steal a carved wooden moose. (But then, was it truly an accident? Herman must have seen it when filling a suitcase – so it may have been… bitterness and anger in the spur of the moment, a mix of wanting to steal something precious to hurt someone he had loved, and keep something precious to a person he still loved, because it reminded him of him?)

- I got the Spiral-vibes of getting lost in the endless suburb, but to me, it was pretty clear from the start that this was a Lonely statement because:

(MAG150, Herman Gorgoli) “You’re all alone, trying to connect with people, trying to find your place in the world – but in the end, the only person you really know is yourself.”

… was textbook what Peter had told poor Brian in his very first ‘on-screen’ appearance:

(MAG100) PETER: Peter Lukas! Lovely to meet you, Brian. Now, am I to understand – you don’t work here? BRIAN: Uh, no; I was just, um… making a s–statement, o–or, or whatever, u–um… PETER: That’s probably for the best. Elias can be quite… “protective” of his people. [CHUCKLING] Never really understood why – I mean, in the end, the only person you really have is yourself! Wouldn’t you agree, Brian? BRIAN: Wh– I–I don’t… What…? PETER: Well. Plenty of time to make your mind up, I’m, I’m sure.

(Hi, This Was Another Incidental Reminder That Even If He’s Not In This Episode And Only Mentioned In Jon’s Post-Statement: Peter Lukas Is Hella Bad News.)

- Gerry had described The Lonely as “feeling that you’re just… alone. Maybe there’s no-one else there at all, maybe you just can’t connect” (MAG111); MAG150 reminded me mostly of MAG048 and MAG108 in that aspect – statement-givers surrounded by almost-people, the idea that things around are becoming empty shells, that people are fading/losing their identity? And in this episode, yeah, the dull repetitive suburb made a lot of sense (combined with impersonal TV shows and the… logic of them going wrong, the disconnect getting more and more pronounced as their actions made no sense and their words turned out to be unintelligible).

Two things strike me about The Lonely statements so far:

* They were either triggered by a Lukas (MAG013, MAG033, MAG057, MAG092, Peter Lukas being there-and-not-there throughout season 4), either… just happened for seemingly unknown reasons, just because the statement-givers had a personal rapport to isolation/loneliness/feeling singled out, initially taking comfort in it until it was twisted all over (MAG048, MAG150). (+ MAG108, but Adonis’s case is not clear to me: when Peter asked Martin “Did [Elias] suggest you record a statement today? One that mentioned me?”, was it an exaggeration and was Peter talking about The Lonely in general? Or was it literal, and Peter had been in the audience, and the one responsible for messing up Adonis?)

* … People who got out of it through an emotional anchor (Naomi’s dead fiancé in MAG013, Andrea’s mother in MAG048, Herman’s (ex-)husband in MAG150)… got out of it. No “half-finished meals”, as far as we know, amongst the people who escaped it? On the other side, Adonis dragged himself to the Institute before disappearing entirely but he knew it was coming, he hadn’t managed to escape it; same with Barnabas Bennett, who was stuck in The Lonely and only managed to transmit a call for help (that remained unanswered by Jonah). Yetunde Uthman apparently didn’t have any anchor and was a vulnerable target (Gerry had warned us that the Fears tended to pick on the vulnerable and people on the margins). There is still Carter, whose whereabouts are unknown (he was clearly messed up, but Jon didn’t mention if he was still around or not).

(… but then, there is Martin, who seems to have begun using Lonely powers, and it’s… another matter entirely to get out of that, probably.)

- Given how Herman mentioned that Yetunde seemed to have died recently:

(MAG150, Herman Gorgoli) “My eyes found themselves focusing on the ceiling. On a small spot of red, that seemed to have seeped through from above. As I climbed those stairs, I desperately tried to tell myself I didn’t know what was going to be up there. And to be fair I was surprised by some of the details. But as soon as I saw the spot, I just knew that… someone else was up there. And that they were dead. The only questions were “how”, and “who”. I think I’d given up on “why”. I didn’t know them, as it turned out. A young woman, conservatively dressed. Her face was bloody, but… I was sure I didn’t recognise her. She had a bag with her and her ID read “Yetunde Uthman”. Not a name I’d ever encountered before. Just another victim of this place. […] I don’t think she’d been dead that long. But I’m not a doctor, and I didn’t really try to check. Instead I turned and ran, all my tiredness gone in a sudden rush of adrenalin, down the stairs, out the door and into the night and the rows upon rows of bland, empty houses.”

… I wonder if he got stuck in the Lonely place to replace her as a Fear-battery of some sort, because she had ended her own life? We may have got a similar case with Sean Kelly (MAG033): Jon mentioned that his body washed up six months after his disappearance on the boat, but that the coroner had established that “it had only been in the water for five days” – had he been stuck on the boat alone all this time, until he couldn’t stand it anymore and threw himself in the sea to make it stop…?

- This week’s static were (not including Jon when he Knew Melanie was at the door – which… has happened a lot this season. The specific thing of Jon Knowing when someone is close / about to come in):

(MAG150, Herman Gorgoli) “I’ve never seen [STATIC:] people happily living in a place so obviously dead. Two years we lived there. [/STATIC] Two years imprisoned in that beige, comfortable house, with the man I loved, watching our relationship turn to… sniping and snapping and bitter passive-aggression. […] Because the sign said: [STATIC] “Road”. No name. Just: [STATIC] “Road”. […] [STATIC] “Avenue”. “Close”. “Way”. “Lane”. Only ever the suffix; never with the name attached.”

… And I still don’t know what to make out of that first one? Is it about being Swallowed By Banal Life?

(The statement reminded me a looooooooooooooooot of Wajdi Mouawad’s Seuls, actually, and oh. This play is indeed such a sheer complete utter Lonely mood.)

- … it’s rare, but this one was… kind of a sweet ending?

(MAG150, Herman Gorgoli) “It was Alberto. He was… calling me. I don’t know how, but the tears came even faster now as I answered, sobbing with relief to hear him yelling at me for taking so long. Had I forgotten? Was I even planning to bother? I tried to reply, to explain, but all I could manage to say, to get through the shaking sobs… was “I love you”. He went… very quiet. And then he hung up. It didn’t matter though, because when I looked around, the windows of the houses were lit, and a woman was coming down from her front door to ask if I needed help with my car. … We’re working on it, the two of us. We’re not exactly back together yet, but I think it’s going well. He’s reluctant to sell the house, but I’ve made it quite clear that I’m never going back to the suburbs. Even if I can’t… really tell him why. I checked. To see if I could find anything about Yetunde Uthman. And I did find a few old social media profiles. But I wasn’t able to get through to any family or friends. As far as I can tell she disappeared a year ago. And nobody noticed.”

Not perfect but: it helped to push Herman to acknowledge that he still loved Alberto, they reconnected, the fact that they’re working on their relationship is honestly the best possible outcome – things aren’t perfect but… oddly hopeful? Although, at the same time, we had confirmation of what happened to Yetunde, who hadn’t been so lucky.

- … and at the same time, FFFFFFFFFFFFFFF did that statement feel like Specifically Going After Jon.

Main relationship about a duo of romantically involved males who (got) separated, snappy statement-giver who can’t stand monotony, who had the feeling of being “imprisoned” for “two years” and then got trapped alone (… Martin and Jon have been “trapped” for almost three years at this point), bitterness and annoyance covering up remnants of love; statement-giver wanting to see Alberto again, getting stuck in The Lonely, managing to get out of it thanks to his lover calling him… Jon, right after: Have I mentioned Martin recently.

(And I feel, too, that we heard a lot more… background corporeal noises than usual, in this statement? Here and there, we could hear sounds as though Jon was shifting – uncomfortable? Trying to get out of the statement’s trance as an experiment? It was especially jarring there:

(MAG150, Herman Gorgoli) “… Maybe I was hoping for a fight. Or just… to see him again. I don’t know. I was younger then. Foolish. [HUFF]”

That part was followed by some ruffling of clothes and, I think, a faint scraping of his chair? It was… quite noticeable.)

- Which makes me wonder: why did Jon read this statement? Because… it sounded way too targeted to feel like a coincidence? Annabelle made fun of Jon (and us :w) for not being sure of when and where Beholding and The Web were influencing him, if there was any influence at all, but… it’s still an actual question. Or is it that Jon was drawn towards a statement matching his feelings and mood, on his own?

If it’s Beholding-or-Web, why would they push him towards this specific statement, which seems to be basically just talking about Jon’s relationship with Martin and giving him tips on how to get Martin back? Because indeed, Jon seemed to entirely miss the point, if there was any (that to get out of The Lonely’s influence, which is insidious enough to make you feel like you’re embracing isolation on your own, you have to rely on connections – in both ways, to reach and be reached):

(MAG150) ARCHIVIST: Statement ends. The Lonely is… possibly the most insidious of the powers, I believe. Certainly it is the one that… most delights in having you do its work for it. Even the Spiders seem to have a hard time matching it for sheer seductiveness. [HUFF] “Time to yourself”, “self-care”, “putting yourself forward”… “not being a burden on those you care about”… [PAUSE] It doesn’t even need to tell you any lies; just waits for the lies you tell yourself. […] And at least none of us is suffering alone. … Martin’s got it the worst, of course. But it still seems to be his choice. And I have to trust that he knows what he’s doing.

And yeah, Missing The Point is a typical Jon thing; but here, it felt… even more than that. Pointedly ignoring the statement to talk about another logic. … Is Jon fearing that Beholding-or-The-Web are trying to push him to reach for Martin and/or get him out of Lukas’s influence, and assuming that that’s precisely a reason why he shouldn’t try to pull Martin out…?

The matter of “trusting Martin” had been brought up with Basira first:

(MAG127) ARCHIVIST: Do they? … W–w–who else– Did Martin say something? BASIRA: … It was a few months back. After the attack. He’d started spending time with Lukas. At least, he said he was. And I wanted answers. He kept telling me to trust him, to hear the guy out even though he still wouldn’t actually show his face. I told him he could… drop me an email or vanish me.

(MAG129) BASIRA: Then everything ended, and Daisy was gone. And you were gone. And Tim. And then I got back to the Institute, and Martin sent me to meet the new boss. Then I stood alone in an empty office for more than one hour. I can trust me, Jon. That’s it. ARCHIVIST: [SIGH]

So is Jon reacting in opposition to Basira because he saw what happened to her? Is he sticking to his decision to “trust” the assistants that he had stated in MAG117? When it comes to his involvement with Peter, Martin has never actually told Jon to trust him; it’s something that Jon came to on his own and tried to stick to, even though he’s been obviously forcing himself and uneasy about the whole situation:

(MAG129) ARCHIVIST: No, it’s fine, I know you’ve got… whatever this is, I’m not going to question you. MARTIN: Thank you.

(MAG139) ARCHIVIST: … [SIGH] I’m just worried about Martin. … Christ… Every other Avatar gets to have their feelings… burned right out of them, but me? I’ve… just got to sit in mine. … I know he said he had everything under control. I need… to trust him; whatever he’s doing with Peter, he’s… he knows what he’s doing. Probably. I just– … [VERY FAST] I need him to be okay. I just do.

It’s still curious how Jon is sticking to this idea…? Is it because Jon knows a bit more about Martin’s whereabouts than he has been telling on tape? (His affirmation that “Martin’s got it the worst, of course.” was… a bit strange – how can Jon be so certain of that?) Is it because Martin was a bit more explicit to Daisy that they had to rely on him? (Since Daisy spotted the recorder at the end of MAG142 while Martin and her were still discussing, and she told him that she had reported their conversation to Jon in MAG144 – we might have missed some information outside of the recording.) Is it because Jon learned from the end of season 3 that Martin knew how to hide his plan, and then Jon might be overestimating him in that regard, thinking that Martin will be able to take down Peter? Is it because it has become a convenient excuse for Jon to not interact with Martin – because he’s afraid that Martin will be too disappointed and disgusted with what Jon has done and become…?

(Jon felt especially self-deprecative with the “not being a burden on those you care about”, followed by a pause…)

- Hey! We now have canon footage of Jon saying “I love you”, cheers!

- Surprise!awareness with Jon pointing out the danger Peter represents:

(MAG150) ARCHIVIST: We’re… all well aware that with Peter Lukas in charge of the Institute, it’s a very real danger to all of us. We are trying. Daisy, Basira and I, we don’t leave the Institute much anymore – so we do spend a lot of time together. It’s not that easy, though. When everyone has so many walls, so many defences… [SIGH] sometimes you can feel lonely even when you’re in the same room. … But it’s better than the alternative. And at least none of us is suffering alone.

… at the same time, that arrangement sounds… so stiff and awkward. They “spend a lot of time together”. Sure, with close friends, you don’t need to do things together to be at ease and have an amazing time in the same room. But still; it… sounds so cold and impersonal, with Jon’s words…?

- ;; The vocabulary…

(MAG150) ARCHIVIST: Statement of Herman Gorgoli, regarding his period trapped alone in a suburban area of Cheadle. Original statement written 9th November, 2014. Audio recording by Jonathan Sims, the Archivist. Statement begins. […] MELANIE: Jon, have you got a moment? ARCHIVIST: Uh… [DOOR CLOSES] Of course, I was just, um… having a statement. MELANIE: Uh… an, an old one? ARCHIVIST: Wh– Yes, an old one! I’m not– I’m doing my best.

That… was, I think, the first time Jon introduced a statement as “written” (instead of the usual “given”). I reaaaally hope that it’s because Jon is not perceiving the live-statements as the actual given ones, because we saw multiple times that people didn’t have a choice when it came to them (Jon would make them tell him their story, whether they consent to it or not); is it because he’s becoming suspicious of the written ones being dub/noncon’d out of people too…? In any case, that “written” was… odd.

The “having a statement” was awful and, yeah, addict getting his fix. … And at the same time, making me awfully sad: because these are people’s stories and at the moment, they’re just handled like… food. They’re consumed, and nothing else: once again, Jon wasn’t interested in any follow-up, he didn’t have a thought for Herman. We only heard about Yetunde Uthman’s disappearance because Herman searched her up and reported on it – and usually, it would have been part of the follow-up that Jon or the assistants would have provided? They would have checked for the time of her disappearance, they would have tried to find out if a missing report was filed, where and when? But here, nothing from Jon, who prefers to focus on the Fear dynamic (like he did in MAG125 when he tried to get meta on the Slaughter and the idea of control). And in the same way, we haven’t heard of Jon’s victims from season 4 at all except for Jess’s complaint in MAG142 and Jon describing what he had done in MAG146 – it feels like, for the team Archives… they’ve ceased to exist as people past the fact that Jon attacked them…?

(Once again, I!! still!! find!! it!! hard!! to be emotional over Jon right now, to feel sad or emotionally invested in him. Because: he’s not the primary victim. Depressed and in a bad place, sure; but the people he hurt don’t have a protagonist status ensuring they’re heard, and I want to hear about them the most…)

- ALRIGHT, SO.

M e l a n i e, holy Mew. Everything Melanie.

(MAG150) MELANIE: Look. [INHALE] I’m not going to do my job anymore. ARCHIVIST: … I am not sure I follow, you–you know we… we can’t… quit, we’ve all tried. MELANIE: I didn’t say I was going to quit. I said: I’m not going to do my job. No researching; no filing; no… field trips. Nothing that is going to help the Institute in any way. I’ll still be around, I just… ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] MELANIE: I can’t be a part of this anymore. If, if I get sick, I get sick. And, and if I die… ARCHIVIST: Why? MELANIE: Because this place is evil, Jon! And so… doing this job… ARCHIVIST: [LOUD EXHALE] MELANIE: Helping it out… even in small ways, i–is in some way… evil too! Every time we try to use it to do good, it just seems to make everything worse, and… and I will not be a part of that anymore. ARCHIVIST: What about The Unknowing? We, we saved the world! MELANIE: Did we? I… I mean, I–I think it was the right thing to do, but how many people were killed to do it? We, we weren’t even a neutral party; we did it as agents of The Eye, because Elias told us to. ARCHIVIST: An–and then you put him in jail! MELANIE: Martin put him there. And, and–and he’s still doing harm. [INHALE] You ever think that maybe this whole… ritual business is just an excuse, an–and that we’re all part of some… huge miserable Fear-machine? ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] I’ve… considered the possibility. MELANIE: Right. Well. If I’m… just another cog, er… Maybe I can’t leave the machine, but from this moment? I–I–I’m not turning. I’m… jammed. [SIGH]

* I love how you could hear Melanie’s efforts when it came to communication all through the exchange. She’s struggling with words, they have trouble coming out of her, almost physically; you can hear that they don’t want to come out, but she keeps pushing through. Even at the end, when she pointed out to Jon “Look, I… didn’t come here for a fight. I… just wanted to let you know what was going on.”: she put efforts into not answering with anger, she softened a bit.

* Jon had already singled her out by mentioning that Basira, Daisy and he were spending time together (leaving out Melanie) and that they weren’t leaving the Institute much anymore. We knew that it wasn’t the case for Melanie, since she had been told to frequently leave it: she was going to therapy in MAG136, Daisy said that she was out in MAG142, Georgie came to pick her up in MAG145 and MAG149. Unlike the others, Melanie has managed to reconnect with a life outside of the Institute – she has put work in her recovery, she relied on someone who was staying out of spooky matters (Georgie), she separated herself from a place she has deemed toxic. It only feel logical that she would reach the mental state and the decision to… cut her connection to The Eye even further.

* It…………………… fits……………….. her so well… I’m not sure I’m explaining it well but, with MAG117 and her rant about Elias (which really felt like a “down with the patriarchy” one?), I had gotten the feeling that Melanie… fitted well with “activism” as a notion: denouncing and firmly refusing to close her eyes in the face of things sticking out to her as unfair or oppressive.

* “Control” and “choices” have been extremely present themes this season and… Melanie is putting her own touch in that picture. Regaining control over her life, but also highlighting that even though they’re stuck in the Archives, they’re in that “dead end” too, they still have options and that even passively serving The Eye is still serving, is still choosing to feed a Fear-machine; and that they still have the possibility to… plainly stop. She didn’t say it but the idea is also quite clear that Jon still reading statements for his own survival is, in parallel, an active choice on its own. And it’s true that Jon never questioned or wondered about the possibility of stopping even though it would make him suffer – when he realised he was experiencing withdrawal without them in MAG107, he just decided that he would roll with it because his priority was still to stop The Unknowing and he couldn’t afford to waste time pondering about it:

(MAG107) ARCHIVIST: It looks like the recording of statements has now passed over from psychological compulsion into… a more physical dependence. I don’t whether this is… some sort of classical addiction or something a bit deeper. But either way, this is not the time for experimentation. I’m on a deadline, and if I need to be reading statements to stay well enough, then I suppose that’s what I shall do.

But in season 4, it’s not something he thought about questioning, or at least, not out loud. We still hear him reading statements. He’s currently choosing to try to not attack people anymore, sure, and it indeed means not hurting any more innocents… But it’s true that even reading statements is not an “innocent” act, if it’s also feeding The Eye.

* Melanie’s choice is radical and is… probably the bravest thing ever done by a character this series, along with Sasha jumping at Tim to save him from Jane Prentiss?

And there are many ways it’s going to turn awful for her – she mentioned it would probably be bad, could go to “dying” level. We heard from Tim that trying to run away from the Institute was bad. Even if Melanie manages to stick to it, in exchange for the comfort of sticking to her ideal, it will be pain and misery. It means the others will witness it. I’m not even sure that Jon will let her carry through with it – given how he didn’t “want to lose anyone else” in MAG118 and still lost Tim. It’s going to be bad, and I’m so, so impressed that Melanie is choosing to take that road, because it makes sense, but still: it’s a personal sacrifice, without glory, and yet it sounds like the most effective thing to do to stop feeding The Eye and to not participate in the Fears business.

* (… I’m not even sure, though, that Melanie’s sufferings (and/or that Jon observing it) wouldn’t… feed The Eye, incidentally.)

* GUUUUUUUH, I love the direction the similarities she shared with Tim took… We knew that they had discussed together off-record:

(MAG106) ELIAS: You already have doubts, though. You’ve been talking with Tim, and have convinced yourself that– MELANIE: [DRY LAUGHTER] ELIAS: –even if I’m telling the truth, I’m too dangerous to live. MELANIE: Well.

There were a few random/comic bits – both Tim and Melanie had expressed some longing for the real Sasha, both are bit more crude than the other characters (holders of “fuck” and “asshole”). Both expressed wariness/disgust for the tape recorders:

(MAG098) MARTIN: […] Have you seen [Jon] since…? TIM: [GRUNT] Kind of. We tried to talk, but he, he reached for that– Ah, he, he wanted to turn on his recorder. I freaked out a bit, and I said some stuff: if he wanted to talk, no tapes, I just, I just hate that thing.

(MAG136) THERAPIST: Right, have a seat. Do you mind if I record our sessions? MELANIE: I do mind. Yes. THERAPIST: Ah? I mean, it’s just for my own notes. MELANIE: I categorically and completely do not give consent for you to make any recording of me, ever. Turn it off. Please.

But what was striking this episode is how close Melanie’s words were to Tim, when it came to the Institute and their work there:

(MAG098) TIM: Still doing those? MARTIN: … Yeah. Yeah… I did ask Elias if I could stop. TIM: And he said “no” for a mysterious reason? MARTIN: I don’t know? I mean, he kind of explained – I think? Jon’s “too inconsistent” at the moment. He needs to make up for the shortfall, which, I guess, means me. … Unless you… TIM: No. MARTIN: He did suggest I try to get you involved, and– TIM: And I suggest that he not be a scary, magic psychopath. … Whoops! Too late. MARTIN: … Yeah. TIM: [SIGH] … Sorry. MARTIN: No, I– I get it. Heh. They’re not exactly much fun. TIM: Look, it’s not that. I… [SIGH] This place is evil, Martin. And I think doing what It wants? Probably makes us evil. And It wants those things to be read. I mean, I’m not gonna stop you, but, at the same time– MARTIN: I– I get it.

And Tim was the only one of the assistants to experience the sickness of not serving The Eye anymore/trying to flee, which Melanie took into account in her decision:

(MAG090) TIM: I hopped a flight to Malaysia. Found myself a hotel. ELIAS: I see. … You were trying to leave us? TIM: Yeah…! ELIAS: But you’ve returned. TIM: I… I got sick. The longer I was gone… I felt weak, like… like I was, I was losing myself…

(MAG150) MELANIE: I’ll still be around, I just… I can’t be a part of this anymore. If, if I get sick, I get sick. And, and if I die…

And although Melanie and Tim share a reasoning, their conclusions… differ so greatly. Tim fell into depression (confirmed by Mike in the Assistants Round Table) and ultimately chose anger and self-destruction as his answer. Melanie… goes with something that is technically self-destructing, too, but which also feels like self-preserving – and more interestingly, without anger, although it had been a long-term companion over the course of her life?

* Goooods, we got Basira and Martin visiting Elias in prison – now, I want Melanie visiting him and taking none of his shit anymore. I’m worried it would go super badly for her because Elias can be shitty when he wants to be, but still want………………… Melanie uncomfortable but resisting her anger and not letting him get under her skin this time around………………….

* I’m a bit worried over what Jon will take out of the exchange, however, since:

1°) Unlike Melanie, he has continued constantly feeding The Eye by reading the statements. The comparison does him a disservice.

2°) What Melanie said about The Unknowing:

(MAG150) MELANIE: Helping it out… even in small ways, i–is in some way… evil too! Every time we try to use it to do good, it just seems to make everything worse, and… and I will not be a part of that anymore. ARCHIVIST: What about The Unknowing? We, we saved the world! MELANIE: Did we? I… I mean, I–I think it was the right thing to do, but how many people were killed to do it? We, we weren’t even a neutral party; we did it as agents of The Eye, because Elias told us to.

… was absolutely fair and true. Nikola had pointed out to Tim just before he exploded the place:

(MAG119) NIKOLA: You… idiot! Do you really think the world will fare any better under the Watcher? You think you’re saving anyone? TIM: I don’t care.

But it also tells Jon that there is absolutely no way serving The Eye (or even being trapped with it) can do anything good, ever; that there is no positiveness to take out of their awful situation. Jon had made out of MAG127’s statement that the Institute had been created in evil purpose, that the aim of the place had always been bad… but it’s something else to be told from one of the assistant that stopping The Unknowing wasn’t even a “victory”. That Tim died almost for nothing, unwillingly furthering the interests of something he hated although he was pursuing his own revenge.

I doubt Jon’s defensiveness was out of loyalty for The Eye, but it’s true that this is not the first time it popped up this season (in MAG129, when he tried to argue with Martin that The Eye hadn’t gone “after our own” unlike Peter); it might be that Jon was still clinging to the hope that at least, getting compromised and twisted and “becoming a monster” could at least mean getting powerful enough to protect innocents and/or the world, that they could still find meaning in that… and no. Jon has been attacking innocents; and he’s being reminded that the Institute is not neutral. (And indeed: what about The Eye’s own ritual…)

* On the matter of isolation and of Jon lacking connections… although I am delighted by Melanie’s announcement, it also sounded like a goodbye. She did point out that she would still be there, but by deciding that she would stop working for The Eye, that she wouldn’t do anything resembling Archival assistant work… it sounded, to me, like she was “leaving” the Archives, and Jon too, on an emotional level. And I’m a bit worried that Jon would take it the wrong way: given that Martin doesn’t want to interact with him, and that now, Melanie is cutting one of their only connections, he’s getting even more isolated, abandoned by them?

(When talking with Gerry, Jon had called The Lonely “isolation” before learning its usual denomination, and it… might be telling that he’s more sensible to that aspect.)

- Aaaaaaaaaaaand Jon was thinking that Melanie’s therapist could be Annabelle, too, and it’s SO SILLY presented this way:

(MAG150) ARCHIVIST: … Did your… therapist suggest this? […] Melanie, could you… could you describe your therapist for me? MELANIE: [CHUCKLING] What? You think I wouldn’t notice if she had cobwebs down her face? ARCHIVIST: … No? MELANIE: [DEEP INHALE] That’s it, isn’t it? [EXHALE] You… you really think I’m so stupid I wouldn’t have noticed if my therapist was some kind of monster! ARCHIVIST: I just… It was a worry. MELANIE: Right, right… Okay: I know. That is why I ruined my first four sessions, and almost torpedoed the chance at a genuinely, really good therapist, because I was so paranoid that she was going to turn out to be some… some thing trying to manipulate me – but no. She’s not full of spiders, or made of wax, or wearing the therapist’s skin, or whatever: she’s just a well-trained professional, who I am paying to help me. ARCHIVIST: O–kay. [SIGH] It’s just… The Web can be subtle, you understand? MELANIE: And? For all you know, its plan is to paralyse you with indecision…! ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] MELANIE: Leaving you… sitting here, terrified that… everything you do is somehow all part of its Grand Plan… And who do you think that fear is gonna feed? ARCHIVIST: Yes, well. [INHALE] You are… not the first, to make that point.

To be fair: Jon and Melanie hadn’t identified Elias as an Eye cultist when they were new to it, and Jon is apparently unable to focus on his Web-lighter – the therapist could still be… something (someone relevant and/or an avatar). I’m glad, though, that the therapy seems to be working!! (… although I’m a bit worried because, on the one hand, Melanie Got It when she points out she’s paying a professional to help her; on the other hand, the way she said her therapist was “genuinely, really good” felt… weird to me? It’s not something I’d say of mine? I would talk about methods and how it’s working for me but not… compliment like this.)

- Crying very hard that Melanie is absolutely spot-on on the fact that The Web is mostly a perfect culprit for Jon, at the moment. Once again. Because that was his idea in MAG146 – MAG147, too.

It’s interesting how Jon has been settling more and more with referring to The Web as “the Spider(s)” this season!

(MAG081) ARCHIVIST: I do not know how many of them there are, or precisely how they separate, but I do know that the Eye – Beholding – was not the first that I encountered in my life. The first was the Spider. The Web. And I have no idea what that might mean.

(MAG130) ARCHIVIST: I found this tape tucked in the corner of my desk drawer. [AGGRAVATED SIGH] Covered in cobwebs. I suppose subtlety is gone out the window a bit. And the question is now simply … how much I trust the Spider to have my… best interests at heart.

It fits him, and I still do like how The Web is actually referred to in feminine form (“she”, “Mother”, “Mother-of-Puppets”) by People In The Known, but Jon tends to go with “it” – it’s… probably more of a “he” for him, too, because of his own personal experience, given how he (almost) met “Mr. Spider”? He’s not been the only one going with “the Spider” this season, though, it sounds like an actual way to refer to it:

(MAG121) OLIVER: Honestly, I’m… still not exactly sure why I’m here. But… you know better than anyone how the spiders can get into your head. Easier to just do what She asks!

(MAG128, Breekon) “A thrumming, silk-wrapped thing of the Spider, hiding away in an old steamer trunk. […] The Spider’s always an easy job – no fuss, no complication, everything planned and prepared. It knows too much to truly be a Stranger, but hides its knowing well enough to endure.”

(MAG136) DAISY: [SCOFF] She’s… Web. Spider’s sneaky like that. [PAUSE] Like that lighter you’re always using. Where’d you get that?

(MAG146) HELEN: There is… something wrong, with Hill Top Road. You know it as well as I do. Some strange “scar in reality” at the centre of… whatever it is the Spider is spinning. […] But the Spider’s strings are subtle, so I suppose it’s not impossible. Why?

(MAG148) ELIAS: Uh! Look, look, look. I’ve… been doing this a long time now and, if there’s one thing I’ve learned about The Web, it’s that it plays its own game. All you can really do is… hope it doesn’t get in the way of whatever your plan is. Because the Spider usually wins…!

(Although Elias/Daisy/maybe Helen could have picked up the habit from Jon.)

- rgefdjerkfd

(MAG150) ARCHIVIST: … Did your… therapist suggest this? MELANIE: N–not… not exactly. … She’s just… helped me work through some things I’ve been thinking for a while, uh, she doesn’t know the details. Just that I’m in a “bad contract situation” working somewhere pretty awful. [HUFF] … She thinks I work for the Tories. ARCHIVIST: … God…

I love that 1°) this is how the therapist translated Melanie’s situation, 2°) that for Jon and Melanie, being bound to an eldritch entity feeding of pain and fear that is trying to reshape the world as a factory farm is still… way better than the perspective of working for the Tories. BABES, I LOVE YOU.

- Especially given how we only know that not serving The Eye means getting sick because Tim experienced it, that Tim had been the first one to call the Institute “evil” and to point out that working for it meant corrupting themselves, and given how The Unknowing was mentioned… I’m still utterly baffled that Tim wasn’t even namedropped in this episode. I still kind of hope that there is something coming about it because? It was super-weird?

- Guuuuh, Melanie and Daisy are so good this season!!

(MAG150) MELANIE: If you need me, I’ll be trying to get Daisy drunk. ARCHIVIST: [STATIC] Good luck. It only ever happened once in 2006, she drank a– … Sorry. Didn’t mean to. MELANIE: Sure. See you around.

… and pffft: Martin highlighted that Daisy was “pretty observant” (MAG142), and we now have confirmation that Daisy very rarely gets drunk… which means she’s probably used to watching people get wasted around her? To hear compromising stuff while she remains sober? Daisy, you’ve been getting a lot of Beholding points lately.

- That means that, right now, three members out of four of Team Archives are under withdrawal: Daisy is resisting the call of her blood/The Hunt, Jon has stopped taking live-statements (and ;; isn’t recovering well from their trip to Svalbard: MAG150, “… Still feeling weak. Restless. I want to be proactive, but there hasn’t…! That hasn’t been going quite so well for us lately.” He probably won’t truly heal until he takes one…), Melanie has now stopped working for The Eye.

- Alright, so both with Jon commenting that Basira-Daisy-and-him are spending a lot of time together bundled up in the Institute (in the Archives / in the tunnels?), and Melanie announcing that she would stop to do any work for the Archives… What are they spending their time on? Because Melanie’s decision implies that the assistants were currently still doing research and follow-ups, although we haven’t heard a trace of it lately: in season 1 and 2, Jon was constantly crediting his assistants’ work during follow-up; in season 3, we heard them adding some data after the statements they had read, and we had a few mentions of Jon asking for their help while he was away. In season 4, Jon highlighted here and there that it wasn’t the case anymore:

(MAG122) ARCHIVIST: Statement ends. [EXHALE] Well that… certainly helped, I think. No notes or follow-up in the statement, and obviously no research done by myself or… my team.

(MAG123) ARCHIVIST: Statement ends. The Web does seem to have a preference for those who prefer not to assert themselves. The investigation is tricky, I don’t want to impose on Basira and, obviously, Melanie and… Martin… aren’t available, but I did do some light searching myself on Gregory Cox.

(MAG124) ARCHIVIST: … Of course, even if I did want to do research into the statement, I wouldn’t have any help doing so. It’s been a week and… Melanie’s attitude towards me hasn’t softened. And Basira, though she is very willing to talk, still doesn’t seem to trust me enough to let me in on whatever plans she might have – if she has any plans at all, of course.

(MAG126) ARCHIVIST: I did do a small bit of follow-up on Deborah Madaki, just for my own curiosity. She didn’t go to Sannikov Land in the end.

And Jon admitted in MAG148 that he was less interested in doing a follow-up, which he has indeed… stopped doing at all at this point. Annabelle had also portrayed Jon as unable to not read out a statement once he has it in mind nowadays (MAG147: “But think about it, Jon: when’s the last time you were able to read a statement quietly to yourself without instinctively hitting record and speaking it aloud? It is just instinct? Habit? Or is it a compulsion – a string pulled by the Ceaseless Watcher or the Mother of Puppets? Or both? I know the summaries have started to confuse you. Where did they come from, when you read a statement fresh? How do you just… sort of know what it’s about, before you even start to read it…? But by then, you’re away: the roller coaster is dropping and you’ve no real choice but to hold on and hope that… I don’t crash you.”), although she might have been trying to confuse him on purpose (since… he had done follow-up into statements shortly before that episode, which implied doing some work before reading the statements out loud…? Or is it that the overall glimpses of what-this-statement-is-about-before-reading-it were enough to do some research?).

But in any case: there was no mention of Basira, Daisy or Melanie providing any follow-up this season. So… what have they been doing, in the Archives, that counted as “assistant work” to not get sick? Follow-ups on past statements? On statements we haven’t heard yet? On dummy statements? Or did they just do some filing and/or organising (like Tim was moving boxes around in MAG104)?

- We’re going back to the “assistants can’t quit” deal and aaaactually:

(MAG150) MELANIE: Look. [INHALE] I’m not going to do my job anymore. ARCHIVIST: … I am not sure I follow, you–you know we… we can’t… quit, we’ve all tried.

If we trust his words (…), Elias indeed confirmed the trapping aspect (MAG092: “Basira is now tied to the Institute. All of you are. Like fingers on a hand. And I am the beating heart of it. Should I, or the Institute, be destroyed, you will all, unfortunately, follow suit.”), but I’m curious about Jon’s “we’ve all tried”… because as far as we know, only Tim tried to quit?

(MAG065) ARCHIVIST: Then quit! If you hate it so much, leave your post in the Archives. Permanently. TIM: You’re firing me? ARCHIVIST: … I’m offering you a chance to quit. No notice period, I’ll even make sure you get the rest of the month’s paycheck. [PAUSE] Just say the words. [STATIC RISES] TIM: I want to. ARCHIVIST: So do it. TIM: I… … can’t. ARCHIVIST: [SOFTLY] Why not…? TIM: I… I… I–I can’t! I don’t know… Why can’t I quit?! ARCHIVIST: I–I don’t know. But I don’t think I can fire you either. TIM: What? ARCHIVIST: It’s this place. TIM: I don’t understand. ARCHIVIST: Neither do I. [STATIC FADES] I’m trying to figure it out, I’ve– I’ve got the shape of it but… I’m sorry, Tim. Truly I am. But I cannot, and will not, trust you. This place isn’t right, you see that now. I don’t know how or why, but there is something very wrong with the Archives. And I don’t know who here is a victim of it… and who is an agent. TIM: So… what do we do? ARCHIVIST: For now? I suppose we just… do our jobs. TIM: I don’t want to. ARCHIVIST: No…

(MAG079) TIM: There is something in this place, and it’s messing up our heads. It watches us all the time. It stops me quitting. I’m pretty sure it would stop Elias firing Jon even if he decided to actually try running this place for once. MARTIN: You’re sure you don’t just want to stay? TIM: I’m. sure. MARTIN: But, like, deep down– TIM: No. MARTIN: … Oh.

… But the others don’t seem to have tested these boundaries as far as we knew? Martin is unclear (although he mentioned feeling trapped in MAG039 and MAG117); we didn’t witness Melanie trying to actually flee (although Elias mentioned to Jon that “Even more than the others she has a visceral hatred of being trapped. Regardless of how much freedom I afford her.” in MAG102); and it had been pointed out how Basira hadn’t even tried:

(MAG095) MARTIN: Kinda thought your job was to be a hostage. […] Shouldn’t you be, I don’t know, trying to escape? BASIRA: Sure. How’s that gone for you? MARTIN: What? BASIRA: The way Tim tells it, we’re all in the same boat here. So, how’s your escape plan coming? [NOISES OF CONFUSED EXASPERATION] MARTIN: How… Doesn’t it bother you?!

(MAG112) DAISY: You’re getting comfortable with all those books. Don’t forget why you’re here. BASIRA: I know where I am, Daisy, and I know that I’m a prisoner. DAISY: And you want to escape. BASIRA: Yeah. But not on my own. We’re working on something. I’ll ask Melanie to fill you in.

And Jon himself was a weird case – he indeed fled the Institute at the end of season 2, but it was more… circumstantial? And he didn’t come back because he was getting sick like Tim?

- Oufffffffttt, Jon…

(MAG150) ARCHIVIST: Uh… [DOOR CLOSES] Of course, I was just, um… having a statement. MELANIE: Uh… an, an old one? ARCHIVIST: Wh– Yes, an old one! I’m not– I’m doing my best. MELANIE: … Sure.

… What is the definition of his “best”, here? Staying in the Archives and accepting to be tailed by the others…? That’s… better than (re)traumatising people, sure, but the contrast with how Melanie is doing her best (forcing herself to go through therapy and to go past her distrust, working on herself, deciding that she prefers to be dead rather than collaborating with a Fear-machine, putting efforts into going to tell Jon although we could hear that it was hard and they’ve never been best friends in the first place) is quite astounding, and it was really not surprising that she was absolutely unimpressed.

(To Jon’s credit: that also means forcing himself to Not Know, probably. But still: if he feels like he’s currently doing “his best”, what does it say about his current mental state, except that it’s… bad all over?)

- For once, I’m still not sure that I clearly understand the different meanings of the title! Herman’s was pretty forward (feeling like he was stuck in the suburb & in his life, getting stuck for real in a Lonely dimension without issue) and I’m guessing that it’s also a representation of Jon&co right now: stuck and unable to go anywhere, just condemned to… wait (is Jon waiting for the end of 2018? He said he was conscious that the year marked the Institute’s 200th anniversary, in MAG127); although, at the same time, Melanie is proving that choices and options are still possible.

Right now, we’re indeed in a strange situation where it feels like, unless another new crisis suddenly explodes at their face (Maxwell Rayner not actually dead-dead? Jon had mentioned seeing people with the pendants of the cult, shortly after he woke up from his coma) (Vast ritual? We haven’t heard anything about it) (other Beholding folks coming to prepare their ritual?) (Hunters going after the Institute?)… Martin is the only one currently able to move things forwards.

- Cheers: this episode marked the end of the penultimate quarter of the season… and of the series in general! … Now, we’ll be entering the last quarter. It. Feels. Weird (usually, at this point, you would have a clear idea of the end line in sight and, uh, I… have… no idea… what we’re heading towards… and I am absolutely confident that, whatever happens, it will make sense and will have been introduced for a long while. But right now, it’s only “something most likely awful coming” and just. Dread.)

Title for MAG151 was used by Peter, twice, so I’m expecting the episode to be about Martin meeting his “friend” and… getting some answers/leads. Whoever that friend is – but given how the title can serve as a Vast pun and/or be a reference to a camera, I would say that Simon Fairchild (the Fairchilds collaborated with the Lukases on the Daedalus project, one of Jon’s first cases as a researcher at the Institute was about him, Jon has jinxed it by spitting that he didn’t want to meet Simon ever, and Peter said his friend was currently out of the country when Jon pointed out in MAG124 that Simon apparently likes to travel…) and Mikaele Salesa (since Peter and him were at least acquaintances making bets together according to MAG066, and there is… that camera from Floyd’s statement…) are gaining a few points as likely suspects.

(Anil had mentioned that this episode could trend at number 1 on tumblr, too, and squints, if I had to guess at why an episode would be more likely to trend, it would… probably contain reveals (Martin meeting Peter’s friend would cover it indeed), but also “Jon & Martin meeting again” or “Peter and Elias actually in the same room for the first time”, so………………)

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dreamingbrownie · 5 years

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Tagging games part 4

Stole this from @potter-at-the-disco and as sure as heck nobody will ask me all of this bunch but I wanted to answer them all the same, I’m doing them in their entirety now. Tagging @fandom-glazed and @luckymoony (I can’t properly tag you for some reason, http://luckymoony.tumblr.com/) if you guys want to do this. 1. Which Hogwarts house are you? Ravenclaw, proudly so. 2. Who is your favourite professor at Hogwarts? Remus. By far. He’s the kind of teacher that we would need a hundred times over and more in our schools. 3. Would you have an owl, cat, or toad? ohmygod give me an owl to pet and send my letters, I still want to have my much loved black cat Nonny at home back tho 4. Favourite character and why? Ufff, tough one. Albus Dumbledore is turning more and more into my favourite at the time because Fantastic Beasts gives him even more depths, aspects of the Harry Potter books make more sense now and I’ve developed a good many headcanons about him and his feelings over the decades by now. On the other hand, I still adore Luna to pieces because she’s so loving and the special kind of person that I tend to gravitate to in reality. Also, I sure as heck relate to being bullied all your damned school career. Can’t really decide, honestly. 5. Pro or anti Marauders? Okay, this is a direct contradiction to having been bullied for 7 years: I’m a bit conflicted about them. I love the Marauders as a concept of very strong male friendship, coming of age, growing up in war times... Still, I’m well aware how shitty a person James and Sirius had been towards Severus, and man, I was so sorry to see him dangle upside down in 7.2, but it’s that friendship aspect that fascinates me. (And Wolfstar, Remus and Sirius, will forever be my OTP that I consider very much in tune with the canon and you can pry it from my cold dead hands.) Even if I never got the whole enemies to lovers between Lily and James. Until somebody explains to me how that happened, I’ll be a bit sceptic about that. I mean, a guy pestering you for a date who just won’t get the hint to leave you bloody alone already? Meh. 6. Avada Kedavra, Crucio, or Imperio? Man, this is a cruel one. Imperio, I’d say, cause it’s the most “““harmless”““ one. Take this with a huge grain of salt. 7. Favourite book and why? At the moment, Jane Eyre. Read it just before Christmas last year for uni and adored it from start to finish for all its directness, unmasked honesty of the conditions of early victorian times, Jane being the most self-respecting person I have ever encountered in a book and the tender love story between her and Mister Rochester. 8. Who do you think was the best father figure towards Harry? Remus. I still wish he could have grown up under his tender care. 9. Favourite movie and why? Interstellar. No unnecessary love story despite the fact that the setting very much would have allowed one between the main character Cooper and the female young Doctor Brand, for once, secondly, I’ve been in love with realistic space movies for ages and this one is by far the best in my opinion. The relationship between Cooper and his daughter Murphy is so heartbreakingly loving from start to finish, I always, ALWAYS cry during the last half hour and frankly, the director Christopher Nolan is a genius. To finish it all perfectly, the score comes from Hans Zimmer. And if Nolan and Zimmer in combination aren’t reason enough to watch a movie, I don’t know what. ... Ah, wait, you asked about my favourite Harry Potter movie, right? That would be 7.1 for the terrors of war displayed realistically for the first time and the Shell Cottage scenes with Dobby that moved me to tears. Also, riding a majestic dragon will get me every time. 10. Which character do you relate to most, and why? A mixture of Luna and Hermione. People say I’m like the latter one all the time due to my perfectionism in History and Literature (that honestly only developed when I started uni last semester, I was a mixture of okay and shit at school) and, as I said, being bullied makes you like the bullied characters more. But she’s unbroken. I admire that a lot in her. It sure as hell didn’t leave me as untouched... 11. Who was the most evil character? Umbridge. Discussion over. No, seriously, I’m well aware that Voldemort was a fascist, killing people, using Black Magic, yada yada, and Bellatrix was mad and cruel, the Dursleys abused and neglected Harry... but who didn’t hate Umbridge the most? Let’s be entirely honest there. :D 12. Thoughts on Severus Snape? Misunderstood arsehole. His character is fascinating and I loved his redemption ark, but I’d never in a lifetime want him anywhere near children to teach because he was the picture example of How Not To Be A Teacher At All. Being amused by scaring students, a fucking cynic (which stems from his character, yes, but keep that out of the class room please), favouring and mistreating certain students due to their House (or parents, for that matter)... Nope. I’ve had enough of that type in my school time, thank you very much. But as a character, he’s very interesting indeed. If you want to read a Snape that’s just as grumpy, magically capable, dark and dangerous but very much lovable in the end, read Naomi Novik’s Uprooted. Trust me. The wizard the Dragon is Snape 1:1 and it’s just so hilarious how blatant the adaption was done, I loved it. 13. Who was the bravest character in Harry Potter and why? Harry himself, I think. To sacrifice yourself so that others can live is the greatest act of bravery in my opinion. He stood up for others time and time again, somehow survived years of neglect and difficult years in school at the best of times, he would have had every right to throw it all to hell at one point, turn his back on everybody and leave. But he didn’t. 14. Best subject at Hogwarts? Transfiguration and Charms would fascinate me the most, I think, because essentially it’s the core of everyday magic. It fascinates me infinitely what one could do with Magic in Harry Potter. 15. Worst subject at Hogwarts? Potions, by far. I can’t cook, I’d be shite at Potions. xD 16. Who would be your enemy or enemies at Hogwarts? I absolutely agree with Harry that Draco was the worst, although I ship the two to death in a fanon sense and in the movies. I hate bullies and Draco was precisely that. Yes, he was scared, forced to do horrible things and under a lot of pressure by his parents, but he was arrogant and said horrible things from the very beginning until he finally grew up in book 7. You asked for my enemy, not for the worst character, because he’s absolutely not. 17. Who would be your best friend at Hogwarts? I’d probably gravitate towards Luna, Seamus, Hermione... Those are the people I’d like to have as friends. 18. If available, would you use a love potion on someone? Nope. 19. Favourite Weasley? The twins. By far. I love them so much. :D 20. Favourite Death Eater? O.o Uhm, ehrm, Snape? If he counts? Because he’s not murderous and mad and all, you know? 21. What would your boggart be? Either a very big spider, Aragog would make me scream like a child, or my math teacher from 10th grade. Yeah, no. The giant spider. Definetely the spider. 22. What is your patronus? An applemare horse according to Pottermore, personally I’m fine with that, but it wouldn’t be the first animal to come to my mind as a patronus. It’s supposed to represent me as a person, isn’t it? That would be a cat without any doubt. :D 23. Fuck, marry, kill *Insert 3 characters* Fuck Gellert Grindelwald (don’t ask me, honestly), marry Luna, kill Dolores Umbridge a dozen times over. Torturing children is Not Cool. 24. How do you feel about Cursed Child? Meeeeeeh. 25. How do you feel about Fantastic Beasts? Fucking loved it from the start, still hyping it and very much looking forward to the next movies.

#tagging games #tagging games part four #Harry Potter asks

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someonespecial-naomi · 6 years

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Tomorrow Will Be Kinder ~~ BHG Self-Para ~~ AKA The Death of Hot Brad

Naomi had told him not to go off on his own. Had specifically told him not to wander off too far, or chase anything down without tell her. It was for his protection as much as hers, and when she had realized that in their search for water he had vanished on her, her stomach had twisted in dread. He hadn’t taken the lasso she’d made him, or most of the rocks they had gathered to use as projectiles, just the sharpened branch he could use as a spear. And now they were both alone.

Naomi had quickly gathered the few supplies they had gathered and stuffed them into their makeshift backpack - Brad had offered up his shirt to use and refused to put it back on, saying he felt more comfortable with it off anyways - before beginning to carefully make her way through the wooded area. She avoided the large, strange plants that grew in the area, knowing after throwing a pinecone at one from their tree last night that it was definitely dangerous, and kept an ear out for any sounds of movement as she snuck through the woods. Dagger in one hand - Thank you, H, whoever you were - and whip in the other.

She’d been searching for ten minutes, debating the merits of getting somewhere higher and starting to call out for him, when she heard screaming and bolted off towards the sound, the image of a small body under a tarp flashing through her mind and making her run faster.

She came upon pandemonium.

Gone for less than half an hour and Brad managed to stumble upon all of the Tributes from District Four. There was blood everywhere- so many arrows sticking out of Brad that he looked more like a pin cushion than a man- and Naomi didn’t have time to stop. She just ran in, shooting past the redhead sister before grabbing Brad’s hand. “RUN!” she screamed, racing along the edge of the river with Brad keeping pace behind her. There was yelling behind her, but Naomi didn’t stop. Just ran and ran and ran.

“Naomi!” Brad said, joy and relief in his otherwise pained voice. “I found water-”

“Later, Brad!” A bank ahead jutted out a bit, closer to the other shore, and Naomi quickly dragged Brad towards it. “Jump!” she told him before letting go of his hand and making a desperate leap.

She hit the bank hard, stumbling for a moment before running past the tree line. Naomi only stopped once she knew they were far enough away, not wanting to run too far in without knowing where they were. She braced herself against an oak tree, gasping for breath and sighing in relief when she heard Brad stumble behind her. “I told you!” she said between gasps of air. “We need to stay together! You can’t run off like that-”

Naomi turned around and gasped for an entirely new reason. What she had thought were just a few arrows was just what had managed to stay stuck while they ran. There were several shallower wounds littering his shoulders and back, not to mention the deep, messy gashes along his sides and stomach and the deeper stab wound in his shoulder. Her empty stomach rolled and she stumbled closer to him.

Somewhere above them, a cannon went off.

“Sorry, Naomi,” he said sadly, and Naomi wanted to cry.

“No, no, it’s okay,” she shushed gently, shaking fingers hovering over his wounds before pulling away. Fuck, that was a lot of blood. “I’m sorry I snapped at you, Brad, that wasn’t very nice of me.”

How he was still standing she had no idea, but Brad had always been a little hardier than most. She'd once watched him get tossed fifteen feet in the air by an angry bull and walked it off with little more than an “ow”. The memory comforted her just a little, and she smiled up at him as calmly as she could. “It's going to be okay,” she reassured him. “Let's start looking for something to patch you up with, okay?”

“Can't I just take them out?” Brad asked with a grimace, reaching for one of the arrows, but Naomi quickly grabbed his hand.

“No,” she blurted out. “You'll just bleed more. You know what those plants look like that your Ma uses when you and Stan hurt yourselves?”

Brad nodded.

“I need you to look for them, okay?” She pushed up onto her tiptoes, kissing his temple like she would a child before taking his hand in hers. “Let's start moving and you can describe them to me, okay?” Brad grinned at her, like he didn't have several gaping wounds in his torso.

“You always have a plan, Naomi,” he said brightly, and Naomi smiled.

“That's what I want you to think,” she responded jokingly, giving his hand a squeeze.

They walked deeper into the woods together, hand in hand as Brad chattered about his mom and their small farmhouse, his uncle and cousin that lived across the way, all his favorite cows in the pastures that would let him pet them if he was real quiet and soft. Naomi let him talk, keeping an eye out for any other Tributes or threats as they searched for something to use to patch him up. His speech was starting to slur, his steps starting to drag, and Naomi just kept encouraging him softly.

Just a little longer. Just make it to tonight. Jim and Rama will send us medical supplies. We'll make it through another night. I'm right here. I'm not leaving you.

They had been walking for a while, trying to keep the river in sight, when Naomi spotted a plant with long, wide leaves perfect for makeshift bandages. She gasped, grinning. “Brad, look!” she whispered, rushing over to them to look them over closely once she had checked for teeth. “We can wrap your wounds with these!”

Brad grunted behind her. “Yeah, Noms?”

Naomi nodded. “Yeah, big guy. Lemme just make sure they aren't poison or nothin’, alright?” They didn't smell odd, and their coloring was pretty normal… Maybe she could roll up her pants leg and rub it against her skin there, just to test it? Just to see if it made her break out in a rash? “We're gonna get those arrows out of you soon, I promi-”

“Naomi, come here,” Brad said suddenly, and his voice was so uncharacteristically serious that Naomi immediately straightened up, walking back towards him with her eyebrows furrowed together. Before she could ask him what was wrong, Brad easily scooped a hand under her and practically tossed her into the nearest tree. She barely resisted the urge to scream, narrowly catching a branch and hauling herself up so she could glare down at her fellow Tribute.

“Brad, what the fuck-!?”

“I didn't want you to get caught,” he told her, and that was when Naomi noticed the vines curling around his leg. She inhaled sharply, shifting on the branch so she could try and get a better look. Behind Brad was a rose bush, full of some of the largest, darkest blooms she had ever seen. The scent was thick and cloying, and her stomach dropped.

“Brad, stay still,” she told him, pulling the dagger from the belt she had knotted out of rope. “I'm going to drop the dagger to you, and then I want you to hack the vines up and climb. Can you do that?”

Brad shook his head. “I'm real hurt, Naomi,” he said gently. Naomi tried to ignore the way it was suddenly harder to breathe.

“So I'll come down and cut you free-”

“They gripped on tight,” he said, and they both looked down to see the blood blooming through his pantleg. “I think it's one of those Arena flowers.”

“Then we gotta act fast-” Naomi started, desperately, but Brad just smiled and shook his head.

“I'm too hurt to go on,” he told her. “I'll just slow you down.” Naomi shook her head, tears gathering in the corners of her eyes. There was still time, they could still-

“Noms,” he said. “You gotta keep going.”

She inhaled sharply, her throat thick with tears. No. Nononono not Brad too, not like this. “I'm not leaving you,” she told him, preparing to swing down, but Brad gently caught her foot and pushed it back.

“Tell my Ma I'm sorry,” he told her, steady even as the vines crawled slowly higher. “Jim and Rama, too. And tell Stan he's gotta take care of Val for me; no one else knows how she likes to be milked. And if you have a chance, tell the people from Four I'm sorry. They shot me… and I just… I did a bad thing.”

Naomi felt the tears rolling down her cheeks now, each breath shaky and rough. “Brad,” she gasped. “I'm gonna get you home.”

He grinned at her. All pretty straight teeth and perfect blonde hair, somehow still unruffled since the last time Lady styled it back. “One of us has to go look after Greg,” he said, and Naomi sobbed in reply.

Slowly, she nodded.

“Thanks for taking care of me,” he said, his own voice starting to shake and slur as the vampire roses slowly began to suck away what little blood he had left. “You're gonna be okay. You're real smart.”

“You are so good,” she told him in reply. “You're the n-nicest person I know. Brad, you are so kind.”

Brad smiled up at her. “Thanks. I love ya, Noms.”

She smiled back shakily through her tears. “You love everyone, big guy,” she reminded him, and he shrugged.

“Doesn’t make it less true.”

It was the wisest thing Naomi had ever heard.

“I love you too.”

Brad reached up towards her, offering her his hand as tears began to roll down his cheeks. “I'm not scared,” he told her. “But… can you sing for me? While I go to sleep? Like you did on the train?”

Naomi nodded, taking his hand in both of hers and leaning down so she could press a kiss to his knuckles. “Of course,” she told him, trying to clear the tears from her throat. “Any requests?”

“... Sing me that one Greg liked. I wanna remember the words.”

Naomi began to sing, fighting through the tears, and slowly, Brad’s eyes closed and his body went limp…

Naomi sang to him long after the cannon shot rang out overhead.

#.drabbles #bhg #tw death #tw gore #tw killer plants

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lyricsbylincoln · 7 years

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“So you don’t think blowjobs are the answer? Huh. Intriguing.”

Meet my new semi-problematic son, Duncan Auger!! You can find a basic stats page by clicking HERE. And since that page covers the basics (pls do read it), I’m going to use this space to lay down some more of the deetz!

Duncan is half-French. He’s the son of a public defender and a semi-unsuccessful artist. Growing up in Brooklyn, money was fairly tight, so unlike the majority of his wealthy friends, he attended public school in the city. He’s never been too fond of school and the work associated with it, so once he got old enough (and confident enough), Duncan began manipulating the school system into allowing him to skip -- he used those skip days to join an elite dance troupe (think modern/contemporary with hip hop and ballet influences) that performed regularly in Manhattan. Through that, he made friends who were just as passionate about dance that he was. They began teaching him the foundational technique he’d neglected, and his dancing improved immensely. So much so that he began going to open call auditions for musicals in the NYC area.

He worked at Macy’s for a few years, in the men’s fragrance department. There, he got a lot of numbers (and a lot of ~sexual connects~). One guy in particular though, a redhead with freckles and a smile to boot, left a lasting impression on him. When Duncan had him sign the receipt, the guy left his name and number. Brett Hughes.

After creating a bit of a name for himself in local theater, Duncan decided to begin posting YouTube videos of him dancing, singing, and performing online. Call it a bit of a power play, or perhaps just a way to show off to the cute guy he met at his day job working at Macy’s, but his channel caught the eyes of some producers. He was asked to audition for the role of Moritz in the Broadway production of Spring Awakening (I’m altering the dates a bit but yolo you get the idea) and nailed it.

Remember Brett Hughes? They ended up going on several dates during Duncan’s Broadway run, and they hit it off really well. So like... Fast-forward two years, right? Duncan’s 20, Brett’s 21, and they’re so fucking in love, you guys. It’s sickening. Tabloids speculate all the time about when one of them’s just going to ask the freakin’ question. They support one another in every single performance, every interview. When Duncan does a bit of modeling, the magazine actually asks Brett to join the photoshoot. Free couples photos? The fans approved.

When Duncan landed the role on Treblemakers, Brett was more than supportive -- he picked up and moved to Hollywood with him for a bit, until he was notified that he’d been cast for his own Broadway debut. In January, Duncan traveled back to NYC to see Brett in his opening night and spent the weekend there. After Treblemakers finished filming, the plan was for Duncan to move back to NYC to make up for the time they spent apart.

In this past May, however, things took a turn for the worse. Brett collapsed just before intermission in a Thursday night show. Duncan was notified and he caught a flight across the country immediately. Upon arriving at the hospital, he was told that Brett had suffered from appendicitis, and that the procedure would be quick and simple. But following the operation, Brett encountered complications. What should have been an overnight stay and a quick release turned into a week-long hospital stint. Tests were inconclusive.

On May 2, 2017, Duncan Auger lost the love of his life.

The media ate this shit up. They followed him everywhere. When he returned to Hollywood to finish up the last bit of filming and keep up the dance performances he was featured in, paparazzi were relentless. He’s on “watch” now; the media is convinced he will crack and they’re waiting with bated breath for when he does.

Since Brett’s passing, Duncan has adopted a “no monogamy for me” type of lifestyle. He’s hot and he knows it, so clubbing becomes somewhat of a conquest -- scope out the best face, the best abs, the best ass, and add it to his list.

He’s that friend who’ll absolutely come over with takeout and be like, “Brought some Thai. You hungry? Need anything? Want a blowjob with that?” Casual. Seriously. Duncan is quite overtly sexual and he is not afraid at all to aid a friend in need. (Do with that what you will, I am here for juicy plots.)

He’s terrified of being seen as fragile, especially after what happened this year. So he’ll go out of his way to seem a bit more rugged and edgy. But he’s got this practiced grace about him, this swan-like poise that tears peoples’ breath away. It’s just a part of him, but the fact that there’s a “protect Duncan Auger at all costs” campaign on tumblr really irks him. He’s fine. And he’ll continue to perpetuate that lie until someone finds out he isn’t.

Highkey allergic to strawberries, but will still use them as a device for seduction. He’ll pop a benadryl and sensually lick one while making eye contact just to get someone going. No shame. None.

He will also swoop in and make out with you to save you from that awkward guy/gal/nonbinary pal hitting on you at the club. You’re welcome. ;)

Someone tell him to stop wearing the promise ring he found hidden in Brett’s drawers. He’s still so in love with his deceased boyfriend, and it’s not a good look on him.

Duncan has a slight Brooklyn accent because I say so. Cayoot.

He has a pet parrot named Reba that talks back to him. Her catchphrase is, “Tu es beau, ouai, ouai, tu es beau.” They also get into little arguments that go like this: Duncan: Reba, je t’aime. Reba: No, no, you more! Duncan: No, you! Reba: Noooo, you! (And it continues on forever tbh because they’re idiots. Switching between English and French just because they can.) Hashtag confirmed.

Wanted Plots:

Friends with benefits. This would be so interesting because Duncan has no problem with this dynamic at all. Give me close friends who help one another out every so often. Or, better yet, someone who does have a problem with this dynamic that Duncan is just 100% oblivious to.

Flirtationships. Do you have a face? Is your face vaguely attractive? Duncan can and will make it his mission to see you swoon.

‘Bachelorette’ buddies. What do you mean it’s trash TV? It’s the best thing.

Bitches in the club. They’re that badass crew that saunters into the club and steals away everyone’s focus. Get crunk, get drunk.

Dance pals. I neeeeeeeeeeeeeed a pal who will dance incredibly with Duncan, but will absolutely 100% also go to arcades to fool around and show off on Dance Dance Revolution.

*Thomas Sanders voice* Disney pranks! With friends!! Need I say more?

Ladies who lunch. Give me that boujee squad who gets all dolled up in their best vintage-inspired ensembles for Sunday brunch. Bonus if they also do nails together and compliment one another on their taste in mid-morning alcoholic beverages.

Ladies who munch. Duncan may be on a self-imposed strict diet, but he loves twizzlers and will indulge if someone knows how to coerce him into committing criminal acts.

Ladies who crunch. Workout buddies, hell yeahhhh.

You annoy me a latte. Once upon a time their coffee orders got mixed up and now they just... get mixed up all the time. Maybe the barista is trying to play matchmaker. Or maybe they’re just stupid.

Naomi & Ely’s No Kiss List. A friendship just like that. Bonus points if there’s unrequited feelings. Bonus points if they actually have a list. Bonus points if they walk arm in arm and are #adorable. I just... need.

Roommate(s)? I’m assuming after Brett died, Duncan really didn’t like the idea of being alone. How cool would it be if one of his closest friends moved in with him? Or several? What if the Ladies who lunch lived together? How cute. I am trash.

You are the music in me. *casual HSM reference* But seriously! A musician/pianist that composes songs for Duncan to choreograph dances to, that he then posts on his YouTube channel. Gah. My heart.

Talk about it, talk about it, talk about it, ooh yeah. (I realize those are the wrong lyrics to Funkytown but do I care? nah.) Guys!! Pals who hooked up and thought it was a good idea, but then stopped talking because it made things weird? Tbh Duncan is the type to be like, “You’re acting strange. Cut it out or I’m cutting you loose. We fucked; it’s not like I murdered your landlord or something.” RIP in pieces.

Enemyyyyyy. Someone who either loathes Duncan or Duncan loathes. Maybe he destroyed their relationship. Maybe he wore the same pants as them to a red carpet event. Doesn’t even need to be a good reason. Stupid reasons give me life.

Duet partners. *cries* He’s a Broadway babe so someone sing with him pls. Go to drunken open mic nights and remind him that there’s more to life than mourning your lost love, thx. Look him in the eye when you sing romantic lyrics and watch his flirty exterior drop and his soft heart show a bit. :”) Tears.

There are so many more but I’m gonna leave it so I can post this!! Yeeee pls message me to plootle plot I love you all <3

#zenith:intro #tw: mentions of death

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simptasia · 7 years

Note

How about Charladay for the ship ask?

Thank you, I wanted to be send this pairing! I got really verbose for this!

Daniel/Charlotte

How did they they meet?

Dan and Char happened to be at the dock at the same time. Dan with Eloise and Caroline saying their goodbyes, doing their hugs. Char, carrying her bags onto the boat, sees this from a distance and feels curiosity about this sad and confused looking man. Formal introductions are done on the boat. Naomi introduced the other four members of the science team to each other.

Dan and Charlotte had an instant connection. Dan held the handshake just a bit too long before he realised what he was doing and pulled away bashfully. They both laughed it off nervously. This was a preview for the next 3 months of their relationship. Cute awkward moments, held gazes, and accidental flirting.

(miles, to naomi: [flatly] they’re so cute, i’m gonna throw up)

Who developed romantic feelings first?

Oh, Dan got a crush really quick. Char got feelings for Dan pretty fast too, it just took her a bit to let her admit it to herself.

I think they both felt guilty about crushing on each other, for different reasons. Dan, because his Mom gave him a weird guilt complex about having romantic relationships/feelings (THIS ISN’T EVEN A HEADCANON, THIS IS LITERALLY CANON FROM THE SHOW!!!) and felt like, if likes a girl then she’ll get hurt. Theresa got hurt, after all. And Char, because at this point, pre-island, Dan was really sick. Dan had severe brain damage and Char felt like she if did anything, she’d be taking advantage of somebody who’s mentally impaired.

So their relationship was that of cute friendship, Char taking it upon herself to help and support Dan… and achey pining.

Who is their biggest “shipper?”

I joke but it’s actually Miles. Like, take what I’ve described already and remember… Miles was there. As well as Miles actually thinking they’re cute, it’s genuinely frustrating when two people who are CLEARLY into each other… are just dancing around the subject. Sometimes Miles just wanted to groan “UGH JUST GET IT OVER WITH AND KISS ALREADY” and I imagine he sometimes did make some implicating quips around them, which just embarrassed them.

Miles has a way of playing off his actual emotions as jokes. He actually did want Dan and Char to be together, but he said his remarks in sarcastic way.

The way I see Miles of view of Dan/Char is thus:

30% annoyed, 10% jealous and 60% totally for it (and also he wants in)

When did they have their first kiss and under what circumstances?

[sobbing] muh hu huu… they didn’t kiss in canon. and they sure as fuck didn’t kiss off screen. sure, it’s clear they’re close but not that close yet

So as I see it, their first kiss happened in limbo land, after they both remember. Char, overcome with giddy emotion, kisses Dan. Repeatedly.

Who confessed their feelings first?

Dan, canonically! That scene with Richard (damn Faraday, Richard loves love!)

Char looks genuinely surprised and later on, she even gives Dan a chance to take it back. Which he doesn’t. This fascinates the hell outta me. She didn’t know?!She didn’t know that Dan loved her!! She couldn’t tell?? That’s amazing. It says something about Charlotte that she was disbelieving that Dan loved her.

Oh my gosh, they both thought the feelings were one-sided…

What was their first official date?

Friendship thing that is sort of date-like: As a part of their budding friendship on the boat, they started eating lunch and playing chess together in Dan’s room

Actual date: They started dating in limbo. After running into each other a few times, Char decided they should meet again on purpose and gave Dan her number. They went to a cafe for their first date.

How do they feel about double dates/group dates?

AND MILES MAKES THREE

[ahem] uh, well, i think once they all remember, that they would all want to spend time together and this leads to things… polyamorous things…

What do they do in their down time?

watch tv & movies, mostly star trek

talk and talk and taaaalk

KISS AND CUDDLE (and also bang)

i’ve pictured them playing piano together. or at least, char sits next to him and happily sings badly

What was the first meeting of parents as an official couple like?

i think it goes without saying that this takes place in limbo right?

in this life, eloise hasn’t got her reasons to be possessive of dan so she’d be less of a total bitch to char as she was to theresa. but char is quick to remind ellie that hey, you killed you son and i don’t like you. dan is conflicted (as in the two lives they’ve lived are conflicting and he legit isn’t sure how to feel)

jeanette is just like, oh haha of course an american

What was their first fight over and how did they get past it?

going back to boat times now. dan has a bad day (like all mentally ill people he has good days and bad days) where he isn’t holding it together and is letting out some bitterness, and he voices some frustrations against his mother & upbringing. then he quickly backtracks and downplays what he said

char impulsively responds to this by telling him not to defend his mother (because from what char had heard, ellie’s terrible. and she is)

this causes dan and char to have an… upsetting back and forth

how they got past it? well, the tone was only angry for a bit and quickly went to sadness and then comforting, which leads to a tearful hug (and thats good)

also dan didn’t remember this the next day

Which one is more easily made jealous?

jealous is a strong word. i can see dan feeling glum, not jealous

and char wouldn’t feel any threat towards their relationship to feel jealous

What is their favourite thing to get to eat?

dan: noodle & pasta products

char: CHOCOLATE

Who’s the cuddly one? What their favourite cuddling position?

i was about to say both but altho char is plenty cuddly, we all know that dan would be on a whole new level. i take great joy in how tactile this character is and this i must revel in it. cuddles and petting and nuzzles and kisses!!!!

oh boy all of the positions have their merits, like:

char spooning dan. being held tight whilst curled up a bit

dan spooning char. hands on her body, face in her hair

dan laying on char’s chest… hand on tit!

char on dan’s chest (careful there), hands on back, waist or arse and also the hair because dan has two hands

all of these sound like dreams come true (both dan’s dreams and mine)

Are they hand holders?

YESSS!!!! [SMASHES THAT MOTHERFUCKING LIKE BUTTON!!!]

How long do they wait before sleeping together for the first time? What’s the circumstances?

Liiiimbo land again.

So I already decided, they go on a few dates without remembering their living lifes. Then when they do remember, after they’re over the shock, Char is very on board with making up for lost time and takes Dan to her place. [winks loudly]

So however long it takes to have like three dates, I guess. A month??

Who tops?

ah bless, this questionnaire was not made for m/f ships

but technically speaking… both

char has a strap on, because i said so. and dan wants to know what it feels like, having been curious about the activity for quite some time

What’s the worst first they’ve ever gotten into?

Hmm… thinking about it… I imagine most of their firsts go well

Altho I do imagine their first time having sex is wonderful but Dan gets a sensory overload afterwards (as an autistic person, this is cathartic for me to imagine)

Who does the shopping and the cooking?

either, both… [shrugs]

Which one is more organized and prone to tidiness?

i decided long ago that none of the science team are neat… but dan is the most neat, which isn’t saying much. because i imagine he has pens and paper and leftovers every where. and char’s got like, her papers everywhere too. and tea mugs in places. tho char does get annoyed at left out plates & cups

so basically, they’re both messy but with standards

Who proposes?

AWWW! I don’t know! I have pictured them getting married…

but I dunno how they got there… it feels like a Dan thing to bring up. But none of that knee and box stuff. He holds both her hands in his and asks her.

Do they have joined Bachelor/Bacheloette parties or separate?

Hahahaha, oh nooo, there’s no way this would happen. No matter how much Miles wants Dan to have one. (Miles just ends up going to a strip club alone)

Who is the best man/maid of honour? Any other groomsmen or bridesmaids?

Miles has gotta be best man. And we didn’t see Naomi in limbo but we should have, and she’s gonna be there. Quite a lot of the other characters have already moved on, so it limits Dan and Char’s already limited options, ya see.

Frank and Richard

Big Ceremony or Small?

no feelings generated about this except… outside

Do they have a honeymoon? If so, where?

I hadn’t imagined anything specific for… holy shit, it occurs to me that Char is an Indiana Jones type anthropologist. She could take Dan anywheres in the world and he’d never have been there (for altho he is rich, he is just a boy with a heart full of music) and she’d be jazzed as fucked to show him the WORLD

fuck the honeymoon, i’ve created a spin off idea

Do they have children? How many?

I like to think that if they did have a kid, it’d be a son named Desmond. Because that’s what I give them in Sims.

#lost headcanons #drdanielfaraday #haroldwrens

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noro-noro-noro · 7 years

Note

07, 11, 35, 39, 55-70 bc u need tonnes of questions to answer B)

ya u know i sure do love to answer questions :^)

07: What did you last eat?that taiwanese fruit jello i got from Hmart! actually that’s the only thing i’ve eaten today unless you count some coffee earlier no wonder i’ve been tired

11: Do you like someone?i mean i like lots of people. but do i have a crush on someone? not atm

35: Who was the last person you cried in front of?my entire fucking studio class after i fucking ruined my studio project last semester. i can’t make eye contact with any of them anymore. next question please

39: How old were you when you had your first kiss?would you believe it if i said i’ve never kissed another human being on the lips on purpose? believe it naruto

55: Are you mean?to people i don’t like

56: How many people have you fist fought?despite the fact i say “fight me” a lot it’s only been 3 or 4 people.

57: Do you believe in true love?not really

58: Favourite weather?summer thunderstorms with Big Wind!!! i like to go outside & get tossed about like a kite

59: Do you like the snow?i love the snow!!! i’m sure i’d hate it if i lived in a place where it snowed more than, like, 3 times a year though

60: Do you wanna get married?sure, i guess, if i have someone i like enough. mostly i just don’t want to live alone my entire life. i’d probably be just as happy living in a house with a bunch of my friends, which i’ll be doing anyway later

61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?this hasn’t happened either, but i think i’d prefer any other pet name than baby just bc baby is weird bc a baby is a little human. i like good nicknames though!!

62: What makes you happy?i just did that other thing where it’s like “say 5 things that make you happy & send this to 10 people!” but it’s really easy to say my friends make me happy. i love my friends i’m so glad i know them!!

63: Would you change your name?when i was in elementary school i was really partial to the name Naomi for some reason & wanted to be a Naomi. then i met a Naomi that was an asshole. the moral of the story is, i like my current name! i just wish people COULD FUCKING SPELL IT IT’S NOT THAT FUCKING HARD AAAA

64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?the last person i kissed was my sister. so depending if she’s in a bad mood or not. btw this is like a cheek kiss i’m not into incest ty

65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?seeing as i’m an affection-starved gremlin, i’d Go In For The Romantic Relationship.

66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?ya i’ve got a few, ur one of them tbh

67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?in person? nick. through The World Wide Web? this buffoon

68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?uuuuuhhh deep conversation machine broke i don’t remember, probably that buffoon

69: Do you believe in soulmates?i like the thought but not really?? idk tbh sure

70: Is there anyone you would die for?my sister. & my friends

#long post #ask memes #lightbulb.txt #yay for oversharing

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thinkingagain · 4 years

Text

Yet as the months after the defeat of the Commandant stretched into a year, and then another, something in the Sir began to change.

Sir Sleepy of the Bunny Nest (A Novel of the Revolution) Book Three: The Be Attitudes Chapter 2

In the time following the defeat of the Commandant, Sir Sleepy of the Bunny Nest and all the animals involved in that long struggle had taken some time to recover. As soon as he felt sufficiently restored, he began to see what he could do next. Beastly abuse of the world had hardly lessened since the Commandant’s death.

Soon, the Sir found himself engaged again in the struggle to defend wolves from repeated, harrying assaults. Small resistance teams, with and without him, had managed to disable many intended Beast attacks on those noble and independent animals. The Sir had fought for many other animals as well: bears, horses untamed by Beasts or who had escaped them, deer and cougars and bison and foxes and, of course, rabbits.

He had also spent a great deal of time discussing water-based efforts with Olivia, Chicoutimi, Naomi, and Hyacinth. Those swift Aquatics had disabled, with less effort than expected, the Commandant’s deadly underwater fleet. Still, Beast assaults on whales and dolphins and many varieties of fish, saltwater and fresh, continued. Quick and surprising water animal resistance turned back many assaults. But there were far more than could be stopped even by Magic Animals.

As the animals gathered at the Demesne often noted, along with all the intended Beastly assaults came the far more common unintended effects. In lectures and discussions, Leo emphasized these effects repeatedly. The most deadly dangers of all, massive and systematic, could be so large scale that even multiple points of resistance couldn’t do much to change them. Beasts drained the succulent riches of the ground. They poured refuse into the water and broke open the earth. They filled the sky with unbreathable smoke and char.

Still, the Magic Animals of the Demesne, with and without Sir Sleepy of the Bunny Nest, continued to lead key counterassaults that lessened all these effects and protected the most blatantly endangered animal populations. The Sir felt buoyed by these many valiant efforts.

Yet as the months after the defeat of the Commandant stretched into a year, and then another, something in the Sir began to change.

At first they were no more than odd sensations. After strenuous engagements against Beasts, his body was not recovering as quickly as it had. He couldn’t shake off his moods easily or thoroughly, an odd thing for any animal. Instead, after chasing off Beasts, or killing ones who had attacked him and wouldn’t run, hostility and sickness lingered in his stomach. Gloom lay on his head and shoulders and haunches.

Washing himself in a brook, lying in the warming sun afterwards, the smell of the woods richly around him, he would ask himself why he should bother with his goals. He could vanquish Beasts, time after time. Yet if they were going to keep coming, relentlessly, what good could his victories do? He would look at the little grizzly Thomas folded into his suit of gold with blue stars that he had changed back into after The Commandant’s demise. Thomas’ expression was sometimes bemused or uncertain, even frustrated. The little grizzly also seemed tired out by something neither of them could grasp.

These periods of self-doubt were followed, frequently, by the sudden fear that if he didn’t fight back, who could? Wasn’t it up to him? Others had their own capabilities, but the Demesne was his dream. If he gave up on it, who would take his place? He was the great and powerful Sir Sleepy. He pictured himself walking the pathways of the world in the more regal blue suit he had used in the assault on the Commandant while creatures of all kinds threw flowers at his feet.

But who was he to take on such a burden? He was only a small bunny, no one at all. Nothing, really. He had no right to exist and never had. When existence was taken from him, he would deserve it. Better that he had died, young and unknown, at the hands of some starving fox.

Worry, fantasies of grandness, wishes never to have experienced life: as the days continued, light and dark, these feelings would cascade over him, one after the other, like water dropping from the edge of a sheer rock.

Other times, the Sir would feel his usual healthy and determined rabbit self. He would brush aside the earlier sensations, tell himself they didn’t matter.

While he considered consulting about these feelings with whichever of his animal friends might provide good advice, he never did. This too was odd. Was he embarrassed? Embarrassment wasn’t something that animals frequently felt. Many never felt it at all. If it was embarrassment, then he also felt embarrassed to be embarrassed. It was strangely Beast-like. Thinking that, he felt even more embarrassed. Moments later he would shake it off. None of it mattered. It was all just temporary difficulty..

Often in the evenings he would play with his own hapless Beast, the one he had found, long ago now, reciting poetry and lying on a hillside helplessly, bemoaning its fate. On the Demesne, the Sir would find it doing the same things it had always done and sometimes lunging with its teeth in a fake attack at empty air. “Quit it, Beast,” the Sir would say and rap it on the nose. Then he would pet the Beast or throw it an enrichment ball to play with. He would wonder how it had come to be the strange Beast it was. At moments he grew enraged; better to kill the Beast than to continue its directionless suffering. Then he would feel kindness and pity and rub the Beast on its head or nose, saying, “Good Beast, Good Beast,” over and over, as if it was his own goodness he was trying to believe in.

During quiet afternoons on the Demesne, the Sir now took most of his walks alone. He no longer even asked the Madam, who he revered above all others, to join him. A hollowness would ache inside his chest whenever he decided he couldn’t speak to her. He walked the fields and hills, breathing in the fragrant air and wondering whether he had lost some part of himself that was never coming back.

One afternoon he was walking along easily, feeling happy and fully himself, as he sometimes still did. Out of nowhere he grew winded. He sat down with his haunches nestled protectively against a stone. He shook his sword at the empty air. “Do you dare to fight with me?!” he challenged the air. “I am Sir Sleepy of the Bunny Nest! I am in charge here! Bow down before me and feel my wrath, Beast.” He lunged with his sword. “What hope do you have against my might?”

“Oh, there you are.”

The Sir looked up at the voice. It turned out to belong to the skinny panda who lived full time at the Demesne. “It’s lovely to see you, Ling Ling.” He switched furtively to a gracious tone, like he had been caught at something. He knew that she could sense the thoughts and feelings of others and tried to shut her out of his mind.

“Don’t give me that polite bunny veneer.” Ling Ling swooshed her panda tail and shook her head. “You’ve been flashing bad bunny vibes for months now. Hiding them too. Only you can’t hide them from me, because I read that sort of thing, don’t I?”

The Sir pointed his sword furiously in her direction. Shocked at himself, he let the sword slide out of his paws onto the ground. “I do believe something’s not right. Thank you for bringing it up.”

“Not right is right,” Ling Ling said. She grinned, pleased at her phrasing. Her expression grew more serious. “You’ve been sending out a lot of brain warning signals. For a while I thought you would work it out yourself because it kept going away. Now, clearly it’s getting worse.”

“What’s happening to me?”

“I don’t know.” Ling Ling wagged her head. “You’ve been channeling all sorts of thoughts through the air: depression, weariness, hopelessness, a need for secrecy, wild binges of arrogance and a desire to crush your enemies—and even, I have to tell you, to crush your friends. That part is hurtful. It’s like you feel we’ve let you down.”

“Oh Ling Ling.” The Sir’s limbs felt exhausted with self-loathing. “None of you on the Demesne has ever let me down.”

“Lately though, you feel we have.”

“I don’t. I admit those feelings keep washing over me. I don’t know why. They seem almost not mine, like something or someone wants me to have them. I can barely talk about them even now. I wouldn’t be, if you hadn’t found me out.”

“It doesn’t seem like you,” Ling Ling agreed. “In fact it seems like, well…” Ling Ling fell silent, as if afraid to say what she was thinking. That too was odd.

“Please just say.”

“It’s like you’re a Beast,” Ling Ling said.

The Sir’s ears pinned back in rage. If his sword had been in his hand, he might have struck her with it. Then, shocked, he stared at his empty paws. “That’s it. I feel like a Beast.” Unable to say more, he looked at the ground.

#bunny #rabbit #revolution #empire #satire #animals #animal rights #politics #adventure #theory #fantasy #science fiction #environmentalism #sir sleepy

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kalafoster-blog · 7 years

Photo

basics

name: Kala Veronica Foster

nicknames: /

gender: Female

ethnicity/nationality: Indian/American

date of birth: July 16, 1993

current age: 24

hometown: Portland, OR

current location: Los Angeles, CA

sexual orientation: Heterosexual

religion: Hinduism, not practicing

living arrangements: Lives in an apartment with Darren Vaughn

language(s) spoken: English, some Marathi

financial position: Grew up poor, but is better-off now

physical appearance

fc: Naomi Scott

height: 5′ 5′’

weight: 123 lbs

build: Average

eye color: Dark brown

glasses/contacts: Should wear glasses all the time, but always forgets about them; has astigmatism

hair color: Dark brown

hair length/style: Neck length, wavy; (x)

distinguishing marks: beauty mark by the left corner of her lips, tattoo of an elephant on her left shoulder blade, and one of a compass on her right forearm

clothing style: tomboyish; loves to wear boyfriend jeans and flannel shirts, and will dress up only for very special occasions

jewelry/accessories: wears a ring on a chain around her neck at all times

family/relationships

mother’s name: Usha Foster

father’s name: Joshua Foster

sibling’s names: Younger sister, Lina Foster

relationship with family: Hasn’t been in touch with them since she got kicked out of college

relationship status: In a relationship

significant other: Darren Vaughn

children: /

pets: /

school/work

highest education: High school

university: Kicked out of the Washington State University before the end of her freshman year

current occupation: Spa receptionist, dog walker on her days off

personality

label: The Activist

positive traits: strong-willed, charismatic, loyal, sympathetic, fearless, generous

negative traits: moody, manipulative, insecure, stubborn, intolerant, judgmental

goals/desires: to make something of her life, to see the world change for the better

fears: the dark, spiders, wasting her life away, being alone

hobbies: calligraphy, photography, biking, proving people wrong

pet peeves: dirty dishes in the sink in the morning, republicans, being dismissed because of not having a degree, having to argue about common sense with idiots

health/habits

allergies: nuts

sleeping habits: Doesn’t stay up late, usually. She always goes to bed and tries to read, but falls asleep after a page or two. Some light always has to be turned on

eating habits: Doesn’t eat much and usually forgets to eat, and then opts for something unhealthy when she’s too hungry to cook

exercise habits: Protests and rallies, really

spending habits: Thrifty, since she doesn’t make much. Uses a lot of coupons, and loves buying discounted things

nervous habits: Plays with her hair, and the ring around her neck

alcohol/drugs: Yes to both, though she’s never tried the ‘heavier’ drugs

addictions: /

speech patterns: Picks up accents easily, and one of her co-workers is from the south, so she has a southern accent on days when they work together, at least for an hour after she gets home; loves saying ‘dude’ and ‘cool’

sociability: Loves being social when the conversations are meaningful, and she’s actually talking about important things. Bonus points if she can change someone’s mind doing it.

favorites

season: Late fall, especially when it rains

color: Cherry red

music: Punk

movies: Documentaries on Animal Planet

tv shows: A sucker for period dramas (if only to protest about their treatment of women)

book: Wise Children, by Angela Carter

sport: Football

beverage: Green tea

food: Lasagna

animal: White tiger

misc.

zodiac sign: Cancer

mbti: ENTJ

moral alignment: Chaotic good

temperament: Sanguine

hogwarts house: Gryffindor

primary vice: Pride

primary virtue: Patience

#about kala

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