#TWYMM

[thetriumphantpanda]

The Way You Miss Me | Joel Miller (Chapter One)

Joel is your Daddy's best friend and work colleague. One evening, when your dad has to work late and you've been babysitting Sarah, tequila emboldens you to tell Joel what you've always wanted to tell him.

Pairing | Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings | Smut, Oral (F Receiving), Protected PIV intercourse, age gap, nothing else I can think of but let me know if I've missed anything.

Word Count | 4.1K (I will not apologise)

Author's Note | So, back on my Joel Miller hype again. I've got plans to turn this into a multi-chaptered fic that spans the timeline of the show so if you liked this and want to read more let me know! Feel free to slide into my asks with feedback/love! Enjoy.

Read on AO3 here.

It was hot. Austin was having the hottest summer you could remember in years. You threw down the magazine you were attempting to read and stood up from the couch. There was no air in this damn house - you wondered how Sarah was sleeping upstairs. 

You checked the clock on the wall. 9:15pm. Joel was supposed to be home an hour ago. Not that you were complaining. The extra time spent babysitting Sarah meant more money Joel would hand over to you. You’d been babysitting for Joel since you finished your last semester at college. You were waiting to go back at the end of the summer to start your master’s programme and needed all the help you could get in boosting your savings. Your father had worked with Joel for years and when his last babysitter had left town, he’d offered you the opportunity which you were only too happy to take. 

Deciding to check on Sarah, you tiptoed up the stairs. You could hear soft snoring coming through the door. You silently cursed the teenager for her ability to sleep through the heat. You knew once your father picked you up it would be a sleepless night. Tossing and turning, sweating into the sheets. 

As you were walking back down the stairs you heard the telltale jangle of keys in the door and there he was. Joel Miller was quite possibly the most handsome man you’d ever laid your eyes on. Taller than you with broad shoulders and a face that you could only described as carved by the angels. Forget the fact he was 12 years your senior as well as one of your father’s closest friend, you’d be lying to yourself if you said you didn’t want him. 

“Evenin’ Darlin’,” He spoke, dropping his keys on the entryway table, “How was Sarah?” 

“She’s fine, fast asleep upstairs,” You replied, reaching for your bag, “How she does it in this heat I’ll never know.” 

Joel chuckled as he pulled out his wallet, pulling out the wad of notes to hand over to you, “Sorry I’m late, the delivery was late this morning,” You gratefully accepted the money he handed over, folding into the back pocked of your shorts, “Your dad will be a bit later tonight, he had to stay on site but he’ll drop round and pick you up later.” 

You nodded and smiled at Joel, “No problem, do you mind if I sit outside and read?” 

“Be my guest, darlin,” Was his reply, “I’ll go and check on Sarah and come and join you, too damn hot to be cooped up in here.” 

Once he was bounding up the stairs two at a time, you reached into your backpack and picked up one of the books you needed to read for your upcoming course. You settled yourself in one of the chairs on Joel’s back porch, folding your legs up underneath you to get comfortable. You’d only read a few pages when the back door opened and Joel appeared with two glasses in hand, one filled with ice and an amber liquid you knew would be whiskey and the other which he handed to you.

“What is it?” You asked, folding the corner of your page to mark your place before taking the glass.

“Tequila and pineapple,” He replied, “I remembered it was what you liked from the cookout last month.” 

You smiled, sipping the ice-cold drink, “Very perceptive Mr Miller.” 

A comfortable silence fell between the two of you, the only sound was the slight tinkling of ice against glass as you sipped your drinks. 

“How much longer do you have until you leave for school?” 

“About another month,” You spoke, “Although I decided against moving out from home, cheaper to stay living with my dad and it’s a master’s degree so I shouldn’t expect to have much of a social life anyway.” 

“You didn’t want to run away to another city again?” Joel pried, referencing the three years you’d spent in California getting your undergraduate degree. 

“Strangely no, the University of Texas has exactly the course I wanted, if I don’t have to move away then I won’t,” You shrugged, “Contrary to popular belief I like living at home with my dad,” you punctuated talking with a drink, “Sure he works long hours and at this point I spend more time with Sarah than I do with anyone else, but I like it here.” 

“So if you’re staying, you think you’d be able to carry on a few evenings a week with her?” Joel asked, “We’ve got a big job coming in September, she’ll be back at school so it’ll just be evenings, but she’s really taken to you darlin’.”  You smiled, “I’ve really taken to her as well Joel, she’s a lovely girl,” you took another sip of your drink, realizing it was going down far too easily, “Of course I’ll help out, I should get my timetable soon so I can let you know when I’ll have time.” 

Joel did nothing but nod, finishing his whiskey with a final drink, “You want another?” he asked, gesturing to the dregs of your drink in the bottom of your glass, “Your dad said he would call when he was leaving, and I’ve not heard anythin’ so we’ve got time.” 

He was a hard many to decline, you extended your glass to him, “I suppose in that case it would be rude not to.” 

Joel was back quickly with your second round of drinks, handing it over to you before taking his seat once more. 

“Your dad said you were havin’ boy troubles…” Joel trailed off, “I don’t mean to pry.” He added quickly. 

You chuckled, “Can you call it boy trouble if you were never official you asked?” Scoffing into your drink before sipping, “I guess he just found someone else, didn’t even have the balls to call me, just text me and said he’d found someone he liked better.” 

If you hadn’t been intently listening, you’d have missed what he said, “Idiot.” 

“You can say that again.” You replied, looking Joel straight in the eyes. 

“Maybe you need a man and not a boy.” He offered as the solution. 

A lump appeared in your throat as well as the tell-tale sign of butterflies in your stomach, “Oh yeah?” You countered, emboldened by the tequila in your veins, “A man like you?”

“Darlin,” Joel began, you could tell he was having an internal battle with himself, “You don’t know what you’re saying.” 

“I’ve had two glasses of tequila Joel, I’m not wasted.” 

“That’s not what I was sayin’,” Joel countered, “I’m old and I’m your daddy’s best friend, that’s not what I was suggesting at all.”  “You’re 36 Joel, that’s not old,” You smirked, placing your book on the floor beside you, “And I’m 24, I’m old enough to make decisions about what I want.”  “I’m what you want?” He asked, “Really?” 

“Have you never noticed the way I look at you Joel?” You asked, “I have never met a man quite like you.” 

“You’re too kind darlin’,” Joel smirked and you could swear he was blushing, “Why don’t you come on over here and sit next to me?” 

He was gesturing to the empty space on the bench he had chosen to sit at. You don’t think you’d moved so fast in all your life. Within seconds you were sat next to him, glass abandoned on the floor by your old seat. You sat in a similar position to before with your legs wrapped underneath you, close enough that your heart was beating through your chest, but far enough away that you weren’t touching each other. 

Slowly you watched as Joel drained his second drink, putting the glass on the floor in a similar fashion to you, before reaching out to touch the skin on your leg. It was a soft touch, but it lit a fire within you. 

“Unwrap your legs baby,” Joel whispered, “Lay them out on my lap.” 

His hands were rough against the smooth skin of your ankles as he pulled them into the position he wanted. Resting on his lap with his hands running up and down as far as he could reach. Your breath was hitched so far into your throat that you were sure you would suffocate. 

“Joel,” was all you could managed to choke out at his touch, “Joel you need to kiss me.” 

You couldn’t quite believe what was happening. The man that you had been crushing on for years, who should be completely off limits, was caressing your legs, his hands moving closer to your thighs with each second. No man had ever had this effect on your – you were sure if either of you dipped your hands beneath your shorts, you’d be the wettest you’d ever been. 

“I need to kiss you?” Joel asked, his eyes boring right into your own, “Is that so?” 

So, he was a tease. Under any other circumstance you’d be delighted in knowing this. However, you knew you were on borrowed time. It was only a matter of time before his phone rang and your dad would be on his way to pick you up and you’d be damned if you were leaving here without knowing what it felt like to have his lips on yours. Or any other place on your body for that matter. 

“Joel I swear to God if you don’t put your lips on me I think I’m going to die.” 

“I don’t know what’s worse,” He murmured, “Having your dead body on my hands or having to look your dad in the eye knowing I’ve made out with his daughter.” 

Joel Miller and his smart fucking mouth. You could feel your arousal pooling in your lower stomach and you’d had enough. You grabbed the collar of his shirt and unceremoniously pulled him to you. For a man as large as Joel he moved with a grace you didn’t possess in that moment, landing right where you wanted him about an inch from your mouth. 

For what felt like an age the two of you stared at each other, Joel’s dark and hungry eyes looking directly into your soul. You felt his hand cup your cheek – his rough thumb making soft strokes to your skin before it was all over. 

Joel softly pressed his lips to yours and it was like you exploded. It was light, some would say barely there, but it was enough to ignite the fire within you. You ran one of your hands around the back of Joel’s neck, feeling the expanse of curls at the back of his neck before pulling him more firmly to you. Within seconds he was deepening the kiss and it was all open mouths and tongues. You bucked your hips up into his own, feeling a growing bulge in his jeans. 

Without thinking, your hands moved from being wrapped around Joel’s neck to resting at the top of his jeans. His mouth was overwhelming on yours and you couldn’t think straight but what you did know is that the sooner you got his clothes off the sooner you would be consumed by pleasure. 

“Slow down darlin’” Joel chuckled, finally pulling away from your mouth, “I can’t fuck you on my back porch for everyone to see now, can I?” 

A blush crept onto your cheeks at his brazen words. You had no idea where your brazen behavior had come from, normally shy and willing to please anyone. But Joel had you pinned down on a bench, legs spread to accommodate his hips and a growing hard on that you could feel through your shorts. He could actively invite the neighbors around to watch from the back lawn and you wouldn’t complain. All you knew was that you needed him. 

“Let them watch,” You managed to breath out, “I don’t care where you do it Joel or how for that matter, but if you don’t start taking my clothes off, I’m going to explode.” 

He took a moment to look into your eyes, almost as if he was trying to talk himself out of what was going to happen next. It was one thing to make out with his best friend’s daughter – he could chalk it down to whiskey and tequila and keep his distance from now on – but another thing entirely to strip her naked and plunge his cock into her until she didn’t know her name and the only thing she could ask was for more. 

“Get up.” Was all he said, standing up himself before wrapping his hand around your wrist, “Do you promise to keep quiet?” He asked. 

Words failed you so all you could do was nod in response, “If you promise to be a good girl and be as quiet as possible, then I’ll take you upstairs.” 

“I promise.”

Joel all but grabbed your hand, dragging you through the humid house and up the stairs as quietly as you could manage. Safely ensconced in his room you took a moment to take in the surroundings. Messy, just like it always had been when you’d peeked your head in to look at Joel’s space whenever he wasn’t around. The bed was unmade, like it usually was but none of it mattered. All that mattered and all you could focus on was Joel’s hand at the small of your back, pushing you towards the bed. 

“Lie down for me baby.” He whispered into your ear as you felt the loss of his hand. 

You did as you were told, getting onto the bed on your hands and knees to crawl up to the headboard, hoping and praying that Joel was focusing his eyes on your ass as you did so. Once you turned yourself around and propped yourself up on the pillows you could tell you’d had just the effect you wanted. 

“Jesus girl,” he moaned, undoing his belt and freeing it from the belt loops on his jeans, “I’m going to have to make a rule of no shorts in this house from now on, I’m never going to be able to look at you the same now.” 

A giggle erupted from your mouth at his words and you fumbled to undo the button of your shorts – immediate relief flooding your stomach as they loosened. 

You watched intently as Joel mimicked your move from before, crawling up the bed to settle in the space between your thighs. 

“Shall I tell you what I want to do, darlin’?” 

You nodded, reaching your arms out to slowly unbutton his shirt. 

“I’m going to take all these clothes off and then I want you to sit on my face, that okay with you?” You replied with a moan as the last button came undone, “And then, once I’ve got you nice and wet, I’m going to pin you down underneath me and fuck you until you don’t remember your name,” Another moan in reply as you slipped the shirt down his shoulders, Joel moving enough to take it off and discard it to the floor, “But you gotta remember to keep quiet baby, okay?” 

“I already promised, didn’t I?” You challenged, “Take my clothes off already Joel.” 

Like a rehearsed dance, it took next to no time for Joel to have you naked and spread out underneath him. 

“You look like a goddess, darlin’.” he breathed against your neck as his hands wandered down from your breasts to between your thighs, hovering just above where you really wanted those fingers.

If you hadn’t been so overwhelmed about the fact that his fingers were mere millimeters from your clit you probably would have curled up and died at his compliment. No-one had ever made you feel this way, like you were the only woman they ever wanted to look at. No-one was likely to come close to this again so you were trying to savour it the best you could. 

All of a sudden Joel had moved, he was on his back led next to you, “Come on darlin’, hop on up here.” 

You did as you were told, momentarily taking the time to straddle his hips before Joel used his hands to scoot you up until your pussy was spread and bare against his face.

“I said sit,” Joel murmured, “Not hover.” He used his rough hands to pull your hips down so that you were indeed sat right on his face. 

From that moment you were done for. Joel’s tongue licked long and slow stripes all the way from your entrance up to your clit. Every time the tip of his tongue hit your bundle of nerves your legs would shake but he wouldn’t focus there for more than a few seconds. It was driving you nuts. 

You moved your hips against his mouth and then grabbed a fistful of hair from between your legs to hold his mouth on your clit. Before a moan could leave your mouth you clapped a hand over your lips. Joel’s tongue was focused entirely on your clit with devastating consequences, you were unashamedly grinding against his tongue and every now and again a groad would echo through your body from Joel’s lips. 

“Oh my god Joel,” You whispered as quietly as you could manage, “I’m going to cum.” 

Joel stopped briefly enough to respond, “Good, let go for me baby.” 

That was all it took for you to come undone. Your legs clasped at the sides of his heads as your orgasm ripped through you, a hand yet again moving to cover your mouth to muffle the sound of your moans. Joel’s tongue continued flicking against your clit, sending aftershocks all the way up your body. 

“Such a good girl for me, doin’ exactly what I asked.” He spoke as you lifted yourself off and flopped down onto the bed, attempting to catch your breath. 

Joel had other ideas that didn’t involve resting and was quickly up and shedding himself of his jeans. You watched intently as his slipped his underwear off, you’re sure your eyes widened at the sight of his cock. Thick and long, almost uncertain that it would fit at all. 

He climbed back onto the bed, settling himself effortlessly between your thighs, “Look at you baby,” He breathed out, “All spread and waiting for me.”  He took a moment to reach into his bedside drawer and pull out a condom, tearing the packet open and fitting it on himself in the blink of an eye. 

He settled once again between your thighs, looking you directly in the eye as he rested his hands on either side of your face, “You ready for me baby?” He whispered. 

“I’ve never been more ready for anything.” 

He smirked down at you as he lined himself up with your dripping pussy. He slowly eased himself into you, centimeter by centimeter, watching closely for any signs of discomfort, but finding none. In fact, Joel almost fell apart as he watched you spread your legs wider for him. 

“Joel,” You mewed quietly as he bottomed out inside of you, “Fuck that feels good.” 

“Darlin’ you have no idea how good you feel around me,” He spoke, “I’m not gonna hold on for long.” 

In response all you did was grind your hips up into him, “I’m not going to break Joel, you need to start moving.” 

He did exactly as he was told and began pulling out and fucking into you in earnest. The stretch of his cock inside of you was heavenly and the growls falling from his mouth as he fucked you were overwhelming. 

“Touch yourself for me,” Came a demanding voice above you, “You can give me one more baby.” 

You didn’t need to be told twice. Your hand immediately focused in on your pussy, your fingers working your clit with that telltale feeling in your abdomen that told you it wouldn’t take much work to have you come undone again. 

“God you look fuckin’ perfect baby,” Joel moaned as his eyes fixed on your hand between the two of you, “I can feel you getting tight around me, you like that?” He asked, “You like my cock inside you?”  “Oh Joel,” You moaned, “I’ve never liked anything so much before.” 

“Go on baby, let go for me.”  It was like your brain was in his command – almost immediately you felt your pussy clench around his cock as you arched your back up into him. A hand flew to your mouth that wasn’t your own – Joel trying to keep you quiet so you didn’t wake Sarah up in the next room. 

“Fuckin’ hell baby,” Joel could barely speak, “You get so tight around me when you cum.”  You could feel him faltering, his thrusts were speeding up but they were messy and you knew he wasn’t going to hold on for much longer. 

“Joel,” Your voice was broken, “Joel, pull out and cum on my face.”  “Fuckin’ filthy baby,” Was his response but he did as he was asked, quickly pulling out and discarding the condom before straddling your chest, “You ready?”  All you could do was nod, watching with an open mouth as he jerked himself a few times before it was all over. Ropes of Joel’s warm cum hit your skin as a low moan left his mouth. He was still for a moment, eyes closed in ecstasy before opening them to look at you. 

“Pretty as a picture.” He spoke with a smirk. 

You smiled back, looking him dead in the eye as you ran your finger through some of the cum painted across your cheek, bringing your covered finger to your mouth. 

“I don’t think anyone has ever looked so good covered in my cum.” Joel said as he hopped off the bed and fetched a towel that was draped across the chair in the corner of his room. 

“You spend a lot of time finishing on women’s faces?” You chuckled, gratefully accepting the towel to clean yourself up. 

All of a sudden a high pitched chime filled the room, “Shit!” Joel exclaimed, “Where’s my fuckin’ phone?” 

He found it strewn on the floor next to his jeans, he answered quickly, “Hello?” Came his gruff voice, “Outside now?!” Joel’s eyes were wide open as your bliss was shattered, “Alright mate, no problem, she’ll be out in a little while.” 

He hung up the phone and flung it onto the bedside table as you scrabbled around the room for your clothes, “I can’t find my fucking panties.” You muttered, pulling your shirt over your head. 

“You haven’t got time darlin’,” Joel replied, throwing your shorts at you, “Put these on, hurry up.” 

If it wasn’t for the absolute terror that you dad was waiting outside for you, the way Joel was rushing you might have hurt – would he have led with you and whispered sweet things into your ear in the dark if you’d been able to stay? Or would he still be rushing you to get out and leave him alone? 

Once you were dressed and Joel had managed to throw something on as well, you were both bounding down the stairs. You picked up your bag and threw your sandals that you’d discarded earlier in the evening back onto your feet before taking a moment to catch your breath and smooth your hair. 

Just as you were about to head to the front door, Joel’s hand wrapped around your wrist and pulled you flush to his body – he captured your lips in a kiss so passionate that you were even more breathless than you had been before. 

“Just know darlin’, if he wasn’t waiting outside for you, I’d wrap you up in my bed and never let you leave.” 

“That mean’s I can come back then?” 

“Of course,” another chaste kiss pressed to your lips, “Baby, you’ve got me in a spin but I’m not giving you up, not yet.” 

Then, with a swift slap of your ass, he was pushing you to the door. Keeping his distance as he watched you walk down the steps and climb into your dad’s truck he did his best to act normally. 

“Thanks for keeping an eye on her Joel!” Your dad called out of the window, “I hope she wasn’t too much trouble.” 

Joel could see you sinking into your seat at your dad’s words, even through the car windows. 

“Oh not at all!” Joel called back, “Good as gold, as always!” 

You swear you saw that son of a bitch wink at you. Motherfucker. 

PREV | NEXT

#joel miller #pedro pascal #the last of us #the last of us hbo #joel miller smut #joel miller fic #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x reader #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x you #joel miller pedro pascal #TWYMM

[danswank]

putting my live reactions & first listen ratings to tell me i’m alive under a cut lol

are you there - 7/10

who’s on drugs

calm down - 5/10

“thoughts and prayers so what who cares” ok political activism era

microplastics?????? not on my bingo card for words on this album

this song feels like it’s trying too hard

could grow on me

eb // ah - 8/10

alex is so right for “i wrote a record just to make the sun shine” being his favorite lyric. boy it’s good. it’s obvious but it hits.

i like when he talks about being high 😌

classic atl song

IM SO SORRY THE WAY HE SINGS “i wanna see you in my old t-shirt / i wanna fuck until the pain don’t hurt” i do NOT feel normal about this!!!!!!!!

the sniff?????? good shit

tsolg - 7/10

it’s giving 80s its giving that outfit that alex posted one time about being their look for the next era

“i need the company but not the shade that they throw” is this about girl gang lol

“my best friend says i need to find someone new” yeah alex your best friend and just about everyone else after watching you go from one girl you’ve been back and forth with your whole life to another ANYWAY

ok mama’s boy red flag

new religion - 6/10

idk this feels like something any band could write and has written

could grow on me

twymm - 9/10

“you say this happens all the time yeah that’s kinda the point / we can’t keep on doing this” he wrote the lisex theme song

this is my favorite song

but i could do without the robot part alex you could’ve written a bridge instead and it’s a bit generally repetitive

i’d be fine - 8/10

i LOVE the way this song starts

alex got so sexual on this album to be clear i am NOT complaining

kill ur vibe - 5/10

nice of him to write janelle a song hm the line about being safest place made me think lisa. toss up.

something about this song is so meh to me

ok the “ha ha” sold me a bit

the other side - 9/10

brb revisiting my calendar to find the november significance

“deep in the canyon” very california

another back and forth song about lisex lol wow two on one album

the mess in june???????? ok brb need to research (listen it could just be a rhyme but i WILL get to the bottom of this)

hell yeah this is a bop

when the last chorus slows down. yummy.

lost along the way - 8/10

“can we start this record over” i’m OBSESSED

—

first thoughts: i’m just glad they didn’t do too many singles like they did for wake up sunshine. i think i liked wake up sunshine more than this one on first listen, but there’s nothing wrong with it, we’ve just got a low of growers here.

#pls let me know how you agree/disagree let’s discuss #atl #paige talks #tmia

[jackinalex]

I checked the board with all the songs from the TMIA booklet and it looks like Fake As Hell is from the OG batch with Are you there, Kill ur vibe, Sound of letting go, TWYMM, so that means it was written during separation. Maybe we get more insight into that? Or maybe it’s more of Jack’s relationship struggles? Either way I’m intrigued.

GC consensus is that it’s probably about the separation or Janelle. Either will be interesting.

#I’m sick of Alex talking shit about the LA crew tho #maybe they’re fake but they carried his ass during the separation #especially Janelle and JACK #not that Jack is in the la group anymore technically #but ya know #kalina answers #Alex

[daemoninwhiteround2]

Are you gonna share the fic that last line prompt is from 👀👀👀👀

tragically, it’s in the process of being written! it’s from Revert, the tied-for-fifth fic in my The Way You Make Me Want to Live Instead of Die series next is Schism, which I’m procastinating writing because there’s no fucky dark smut in it so what’s even the point? it’s retelling Jay dying, which is narratively boring. Revert and Remain are the next two fics after that. in Schism, the story splits in two clever title I know and Revert and Remain chronologically take place at the same time. they’re are aus of each other. 10 points to whomever remembers/can guess what their divergence point is

and because I’m unreasonably fond of all my anons... here’s the most recent part of Remain

“What are you <em>talking</em> about? I--no, I <em>belong</em> with them-”

“Very good.” Talia’s praise shouldn’t make Jason feel like that, it shouldn’t, she’s not pack no matter how much she tries to force the tie. “You didn’t say ‘to’.”

also @scandalsavagefanfic bc I know she loves this series

#dae talks #dae writes #anonymous #twymm #please read the warnings on that series for the love of god #it's my weird dark jerk off series and I refuse to be ashamed of that but also like take care of yourself #Anonymous

[unending-happiness]

To anyone who might be waiting on my fics to update:

I'm so sorry it's taking me so long! I have a pretty large amount of real life responsibilities (lame), and summer is a very busy, stressful, and exhausting time for me personally. I promise I'm working on them. It's really hard to write when your concentration is broken every 2 minutes. I wish I was kidding about the 2 min. thing. Kinda going crazy.

#what? you write?! #i know I'm always on here #but writing is different #i need peace and quiet to do it #and I have zero right now #so yeah maybe nobody even cares #maybe you are all like #i have not abandoned them I promise #im trying to get TWYMM updated very soon #then INOAO #writing is a fickle bitch under the best of circumstances #also I'm slow #and my life is bananas atm #personal

[thetriumphantpanda]

The Way You Miss Me | Joel Miller Series

Pairing | Joel Miller x Female Reader

Series Summary | Joel has worked with your dad for sometime and you've been babysitting Sarah for just as long. He's handsome and you can't deny if he gave you the option you would sell your soul for the opportunity to kiss him. When he does, it ignites a summer romance that you could only have dreamed of. Twenty Years later and approximately one apocalypse later, are either of you still the same people you were and can you finally find your way back to each other?

Main Masterlist

Chapters with smut marked with **

Chapter One **

Chapter Two **

Chapter Three **

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven **

Epilogue - Coming Soon

#Joel Miller #The Last Of Us #The Last Of Us HBO #Pedro Pascal #Joel Miller Smut #Joel Miller Fic #joel miller fanfiction #Joel Miller fanfic #Joel Miller x you #Joel Miller x reader #Joel Miller x female reader #Joel Miller x f!reader #tlou smut #tlou fic #Joel Miller Pedro Pascal #TWYMM

[thetriumphantpanda]

The Way You Miss Me | Joel Miller (Chapter Two)

It's been a week since you and Joel threw yourselves over the cliff of the unknown together. It's been tense and you're worried that things have changed for the worst. That is, until you receive a message.

Pairing | Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings | Smut, dry humping, rough sex, protected PIV sex, hair pulling, alcohol consumption - nothing else that I can think of but let me know if I've missed anything.

Word Count | 4.5K

Authors note | Thank you for the love on chapter one - it's spurred me to write part two which I hope you enjoy as much as me! If you love it, I'd love to hear from you - send me ask, keeping reblogging and liking.

Your phone buzzed on your bedside table to signal a new text message. Setting your book down on the bed with the corner folded to keep your place, you picked up your phone and your heart skipped a beat. 

J. Miller 

Sarah at a sleepover tonight. Can you sneak over?

It had been a week since you had been pinned underneath him for the first time and whilst you’d looked after Sarah each weekday there was nothing in his behavior that suggested anything had happened between the two of you. When he came into the house each evening, he’d merely told you your dad was waiting outside for you and bounded up the stairs to check on Sarah. Sensing he was thinking that he’d made an almighty mistake in stripping you naked and sitting you on his face until you saw stars you always made sure that you were gone by the time he came back down the stairs. You didn’t even wait for him to come back down to give you your money. 

To say the message was a surprise was the understatement of the century. Butterflies bloomed in your lower tummy at the thought that he wanted to see you. How were you going to play this? It was a Saturday afternoon, still unbearably hot, but it gave you options. You could tell your dad you had a date in the city perhaps? No. That wouldn’t allow you to stay out all hours of the evening, he’d expect you back at 10pm sharp. If you were going to see Joel you didn’t want to have to rush things this time. 

You went through a range of options before settling on your final plan. You padded down the stairs to find your father sitting in his chair reading the paper. 

“Hey dad,” You called from the bottom step, “Emma just text to ask if I wanted to go out tonight, would that be okay?” 

He looked up from the paper and smiled, “Of course, will you be staying with her tonight?” 

“I think so,” You replied, “It’s easier considering her apartment is right in town, I’ll be back tomorrow morning.” 

“Alright sweetheart,” He nodded, moving his attention back to the newspaper, “Just make sure you drink water with your alcohol, it’s hot and you’ll make yourself sick otherwise.” 

“I will, you know Emma is the sensible friend.” 

Your father chuckled, “I have to head into town in a little while to sort some paneling for next week, do you want me to drop you down?” 

You thought for a moment. It would add to the story for sure, but the town center was in the opposite direction to Joel’s house, “No that’s okay, you head off whenever, it’ll take me a while to get ready.” 

He folded the paper and threw it onto the coffee table in front, “Alright, I’ll head off now – if I’m not back before you leave then have a good night but be safe and text me to let me know you’re okay.”  “I will dad.” You reply, walking over to give him a hug before he picked up his truck keys and left. 

You let out a breath you didn’t know you had been holding in before bounding straight back up the stairs. Deciding to leave replying to Joel for a little while longer, you scrolled through your phone and dialled Emma’s number. 

“What’s cookin’, beautiful lady?” Her chipper southern drawl answered. 

Emma had been your best friend since high school. You’d met on day one and bonded over a love of British history and music. Despite being the same age, she was almost like the mother you’d never had. Your mum had passed away when you’d just turned 4, not old enough to understand the consequences of being left with just your dad, but old enough to realise something was missing. Emma was an old soul, she liked to drink tea and be in bed by 11pm, even on a weekend. She instinctively put her arm in front of you to stop you crossing the road when she deemed it unsafe. She’d sat next to your dad at your college graduation, crying tears of pride just as your mother would have. 

“I have something to admit to you.” Was your response as you flicked the phone to speaker and set it on the bedside table. 

“Oh hell yeah, this is fun,” Came Emma’s response, “Let me guess, you’re a hardcore crystal meth user?” 

A laugh ripped from your throat, “Emma I wouldn’t even know where to start buying it, so no.” 

“Damn, you’re hanging around with the wrong people,” You could hear her shuffling about at the other end of the phone, “Put me out of my misery then, what have you done?” 

You took a deep breath, “You know Joel Miller?” You asked, “The guy that pays me to babysit his daughter?”  “Honey, of course I do,” Emma snorted, “You never shut up about him and his big arms and his dark hair and his beautiful eyes.” 

“I slept with him.” You blurted out. 

There was silence on the end of the phone. This was going to go one of two ways. She was going to kill your ass for being so reckless and fucking your dad’s best friend, or she was about to nominate you for a Nobel Prize. 

“Fucking get it girl,” A sigh of relief came at her response, you could hear her throwing ice into a cup at the other end of the phone, “Was his dick as good looking like the rest of him?” 

“Jesus Em,” You chuckle, “Yes, okay, everything looked great and was in proportion.” 

“I applaud you, ethics aside, this is going to be great for you, a summer of being ridden by your neighborhood’s most eligible bachelor.” 

“I appreciate it Em but I have a favour to ask?” 

“He’s called you over and you’ve used me as the excuse to your dad?” God damn she was good. 

“I appreciate you very much Emma, just cover my ass if he calls you.” 

“Will do!” She called back, “Now go and get ready and leave me to my margarita in peace.” 

You said goodbye and ended the call, immediately noticing a second text message notification. 

J. Miller 

You’re not ignoring me are you baby? 

Never. Just cooking up a story for my dad. You have me all night. I’ll be with you at 6. 

You hopped straight in the shower to divulge your body of the thin sheen of sweat that had been gathering on your skin throughout the day before fighting through your closet for something to wear. You had no idea why it mattered to you what you wore, Joel had seen you at your worst, turning up to his door in sweatpants and oversized jumpers more times that you’d care to admit, but things were different now. You didn’t want him to view you as the young babysitter, you want to be a woman for him. 

Settling on a light-yellow sundress pulled over the cream lace underwear, you threw a change of clothes in your rucksack for the morning and slipped on your sandals before practically running out of the door. 

***

Joel had been pacing around his kitchen for ten minutes when a knock at his door roused him from his thoughts. He had no idea what he was doing. Once you’d left him to his thoughts after last time he had spiraled. If your dad ever found out what he was doing with you he’d be dead, no questions asked. He was 36 after all and should have known know better than to give in to his temptations. 

However, every single night he’d led in bed and replayed the images of you in his head. You were spread out underneath him, trying so hard to keep quiet as he pushed inside of you. When he allowed his hand to take hold of his cock when he was alone in his bed at night he thought about how tight you’d been around him and how you’d fluttered around his length as you’d cum for him. He had it bad. So bad that as soon as Sarah had asked if she could sleepover at her friends place he had agreed. No arguments. She’d raised an eyebrow at him showing him that she knew something was going on – she certainly didn’t know what, but she’d always needed to plead her case to do anything outside of the home.  

He yanked open the front door and you were a picture in sunshine yellow. The dress you wore barely made it mid-thigh and although he couldn’t see what you had underneath, the bra was certainly doing wonders for your chest as it was heaving in front of him as you caught your breath. 

“Come in.” Was all he could manage to say as he moved to the side of the door to let you pass. 

He watched intently as you dropped your backpack in its usual place next to the kitchen island. 

“You look lovely.” He offered as he watched you walk to the back door, looking out at the garden. 

“Thank you.” Was all you said, not even bothering to look at him. 

“Can I get you a drink?” He asked, “I don’t have much food in but if you want we can order in?” 

You finally turned to look at him, framed by the late afternoon sun pouring in through the window. He couldn’t help but think that you looked positively ethereal. 

“A drink sounds good,” Your reply was blunt, that’s what he deserved for basically ignoring you he supposed, “I’m going to sit outside.” 

Joel went to reply but before he could you were gone, settling yourself not in the chair you’d chosen before, but on one edge of the bench. That was something at least. He quickly made you up a tequila pineapple, just like before grabbing himself a cold beer. Too early for whiskey. 

“You mind if I sit?” He asked after he’d handed your drink over, motioning to the other end of the bench. 

“It’s your house Joel, you can sit wherever you’d like.” 

You hadn’t meant to be so cold but as you’d walked to his place you couldn’t help feeling like a fool. You’d dropped everything for a grown man who had all but ignored you all week. No, if he wanted to see you he was going to have to explain himself. You’d expected to have to coax it out of him but thankfully the cold shoulder wasn’t something Joel was enjoying. 

“I’m sorry darlin’ for keeping my distance,” He offered, placing a hand softly on your thigh to test the waters, “I just couldn’t trust myself to make smart decisions after last time.” 

You could feel your heart soften a little at his words, “So you don’t regret it?” 

“Not a single second,” He replied almost immediately, “I haven’t stopped thinking about you – when I’m alone at night it’s always you my mind comes back to.” 

“You couldn’t even touch me though?” You challenged, “A hug? Or a brush of the fingers?” 

“Darlin’ trust me I wanted to, every time I look at you it’s like I want to consume you, but I know if I did your dad would get real suspicious about what was takin’ so long whilst I had your thighs wrapped around my head again.” 

Your breath hitched in your throat for a moment at his words as you were processing that fact that Joel Miller was struggling with his need for you as much as you were for him. You took a sip of your drink as you thought over your next words. 

“And tonight?” You began, “Am I just some kind of booty call whenever Sarah leaves?”  “Baby…” Joel trailed off, taking a long glug of his own drink, “I need you to know that’s not just what I want but this,” He said motioning between the two of you, “Whatever this is, it’s complicated.” 

“I need you to know that this won’t be just sex to me Joel,” You ran a hand over your face in frustration, “I’ve never been good at that, separating sex from feelings, so whatever this might be, I want to do it right.” 

He took his hand from your thigh and took hold of your hand to give it a reassuring squeeze, “I don’t want you to be just sex to me either darlin’ but we’ve got to keep this a secret whilst we figure out what the hell we’re gonna do about telling everyone.” 

You nodded in understanding, “I’m not going to shout it from the rooftops, and I don’t want to rush this, so it stays between us,” You reassured him, “But I swear if you pull whatever bullshit that was from this week again, I’m out.” 

“I promise to try harder darlin’, I didn’t mean to make you feel bad.” 

You smiled at that. How could a 36 year old man make you feel like a teenager again. It was like he was trying to traverse his first ever relationship in high school. You gave him a reassuring squeeze to his bicep to let him know you got the message. 

“So, I’m starving, how about pizza?” 

***

Several hours later, with more pizza than you should have consumed in your stomach, you’d laid yourself on Joel’s couch whilst he prepared another drink for you. You’d sat in this space more times than you’d cared to think about, never did you imagine that all those evenings sat with Sarah would conclude with you being sat in her dad’s lap making out like two horny teenagers. 

A few moments later Joel was back with two drinks and you’d resumed your earlier position, you stretched out long with couch with your legs in Joel’s lap whilst he ran his hands over as much skin as he could reach. 

“Joel?” 

“Hmmm?” He replied, shifting his head to look at you. 

“Kiss me.” 

He wasted no time in following the instruction you’d given him, instead of settling himself between your thighs like he had done earlier in the night, he effortlessly pulled you onto his lap, settling your hips above his own before cupping your face in his hands and pressing a kiss to your lips. 

Once the both of you had fallen into a rhythm of kissing each other, taking it in turns to switch from featherlight kisses to the lips to, nibbles of bottom lips and chaste kisses to each other’s neck’s, you felt Joel’s hands move from your face to the thin straps of your sundress. Without even realizing it, he’d softly slipped the straps from your shoulders, causing the material to fall away from the sheer lace bra you'd thrown on when getting ready. 

"Darlin', this all for me?" Joel's husky voice spoke as his hands came up to cup your tits. 

"Unless anyone else is here then yes, it's all for you Joel." 

He looked up at your face and his eyes lit up like a kid on Christmas morning. The feeling of his hands cupping you through the sheer material had your nipples hard in seconds and you were silently begging him to take the material from your body and put his mouth on you. 

Thankfully he did just that, pulling the straps down just like he had with your dress before pulling the cups down, exposing your tits to the air of the room and to his almost immediate assault. He bent his head slightly and captured one nipple in his mouth, softly rolling his tongue over the exposed bud, whilst his fingers worked on the other, rolling it between thumb and finger. 

How on earth a man could make your pussy flood with warmth from the tiniest of ministrations against your tits was beyond you at this point, but your hands ran to clasp together at the nape of his neck, pulling yourself flush against the rest of his body as a small moan fell from your lips. 

Joel pulled his mouth from his place at your chest, looking up at you with your head tossed back, “I want you to be as loud as you want tonight baby, you got me?” He asked you before taking your other nipple in his mouth to give it the attention he’d been paying to the other just moments before. 

Taking advantage of your position, you dipped your hips a little lower until you felt your clothed core settle on Joel’s growing bulge at the front of his jeans. You felt him tense slightly at the friction and felt a little smirk appear on your lips. He didn’t let up with his mouth, swapping every few minutes to the other nipple, which spurred you on. Using your hands around his neck as an anchor, you started grinding your hips against his. Even through layers of material the friction it created was delicious. A low guttural moan left your lips as Joel pulled his mouth from you, opting instead to place his wide hands on the curve of your ass to lead the movement of your hips against him. 

You bent down and captured his lips in yours, moving your hands to rest on his broad shoulders as he continued to slowly move your hips so your pussy was dragging against the harsh denim underneath you, the lace of your panties doing nothing to protect you. 

“You like that, huh?” He asked, “You think you can make yourself cum like this? Grinding that pretty pussy over my jeans?” 

There was something about the filth from Joel’s mouth that lit a fire within you which made your grind into him even harder. You could feel the beginnings of the tightening in your abdomen – how, when men who touched you with their hands and mouths but couldn’t get you aacross the cliff edge, could Joel do this with just a flick of his hips through his clothes. 

“Hmmm… Joel.. I’m.. Oh god, I think…”  “That’s it baby, grind a little harder.” He encouraged with his lips right at your ear, “Come on, I know you can do it.” 

Within seconds you were mewling as you were grinding yourself through your first orgasm, hands squeezing Joel’s shoulders so hard you were sure your fingers would leave little bruises in the morning. 

“Such a good girl for me,” He breathed as he stilled your hips, “Look at you.” 

You looked down and could see a patch of denim at his crotch that was a deeper blue than the rest, your wetness was seeping through your panties. Your chest was heaving as you tried to catch your breath and you could tell if you attempted to stand your legs would fail you. 

“Don’t stop now,” Joel purred into your ear, wrapping a strong arm around your waist as he stood up with your legs wrapped around his waist, “That was just number one.” 

***

Orgasm number two had come shortly after by Joel’s mouth. He had you pinned to his bed, a wide hand splayed across your tummy as your writhed beneath him whilst his tongue flicked mercilessly across your clit. 

Number three had been drawn screaming from your throat as you leaned back against his naked chest with his erection pressing into the small of your back. Two of your own fingers planted deep within your soaking pussy as his fingers rubbed circles across your clit. 

Four and five came quickly one after the other, the first as you sat on his face like you had done the first time, pressing yourself so hard onto his tongue you were sure you were going to suffocate him. The second caught the both of you by surprise as Joel lightly teased your clit with his thumb as you leant back to catch your breath. You were so sensitive it took less than a minute for him to pull his name from your lips as you collapsed into a heap next to him. 

“Jesus fucking Christ.” Was all you could breathe out, which earned a chuckle from your side. 

“Afraid not darlin’, it’s just me.” 

A half-hearted swat to his chest was earned for that – before you could move your hand from his skin, it was taken into his own and he was pressing soft kisses to the palm of your hand as he shifted about next to you. 

“Baby you’ve gotta let me fuck you,” He growled into your ear, moving your hand down to his boxers that neither of you had taken the time to remove just year, “See how hard you’ve made me? Cumming for me like a good girl.” 

You looked up at him through your eyelashes as he shifted his weight to look at you, “I’m not stopping you.” You tried as seductively as possible to open your legs for him. 

“Not like this,” He mumbled, “Turn over.” 

He pushed lightly at your hip to turn you over onto your front before hauling himself up behind you, “Lift your hips a little bit.” You did as you were told and watched as he placed a pillow under your hips to lift you up a little. 

You craned your neck to look at him behind you as he was stripping himself of the final barrier between the two of you. It was still as impressive as you’d remembered from before, thick and hard and just waiting to take you right to the edge again. As Joel was putting a condom on you opened your legs as wide as you could, displaying yourself for him before you gave him a little wiggle. 

“Minx.” Was all he said before he gave a swat to your ass, causing a gasp and a chuckle from you. 

You held your breath as Joel moved closer, “You ready baby?” all you could do was nod in answer as you felt the head of his cock at your pussy. 

He was slow as he pushed himself inside you, just as he had been the first time, giving you ample time to catch your breath and enjoy the delightful feeling of being stretched open like you never had been before. You heard a throaty growl leave his lips as he bottomed out inside of you, stopping to get himself used to the feeling of your pussy clenching around him again. 

“Fuckin’ Christ baby, you feel incredible.” 

“Joel, please fucking move.” You had no time for his compliments right now, he’d pulled five orgasms from you and all you needed right now was to feel his cock moving inside of you. 

“Alright m’lady, whatever you want.”  He pulled almost all the way out of you before thrusting back into you hard and you were lost. You could feel his heavy hands gripping your hips as he pulled you back to meet his thrusts which somehow had him reaching even deeper inside you. The angle that the pillow had placed your hips at had Joel going as deep as humanely possible into you, ripping a moan from your lips every time he thrust into you. 

“Holy fuck Joel, that’s so fucking good.”  “Hmmm I know baby, you sound so fucking good when you moan for me.” 

He set a fast pace for you both but you knew he was holding something back, the feeling of his cock inside you was dizzying but you needed more. 

“Joel,” You cried out as you shifted your hips, “Joel I need more.”  “More?” He asked, coming to a complete stop inside you, “What more could you possibly need from me right now?” 

“Harder,” You begged, “Or faster, God I don’t know Joel, I just need more.” 

You could hear him chuckle behind you – you didn’t need to look back to know that he’d be beaming with pride right now at being the cause of your frustration even whilst he was balls deep inside you. 

You felt a rough hand make its way up your spine before it tangled in the loose hair falling around your back. He pulled hard causing your position to shift, your back now arched into a position you didn’t think was even physically possible. When he began moving again you could see stars. He was perfectly hitting a spot within you that made your vision blurry. It was rough and it was loud but God wasn’t it perfect. 

“Is this what you needed baby?” He asked, his voice giving away that he too was close to the edge, “Like it when I get a bit rough with you?” 

“Oh god…” You choked out, “I fucking love it Joel, don’t stop.” 

Not knowing it was even possible, you felt him shift gear and he was fucking into you harder and faster than ever before, you were so close to your sixth orgasm you could almost taste it and you knew Joel could tell. 

“You gonna give me one more Darlin’?” He growled, not letting up the pace, “Come on, I can feel you getting tight around me, let go.” 

The mix of his dangerous Southern drawl, the angle of his hips and the way he was sliding in and out of you with such ease were enough to tip you over the edge. Joel let go of your hair and, with a hand placed on the back of your neck instead he pushed you into the mattress as he pounded into your pussy from behind, seeking his own high. 

It took less than a minute for him to seat himself deep inside you as he came, growling your name into your ear, peppering your skin with kisses. You weren’t sure how long you stayed like that, but once he slipped from inside you and you were free to turn yourself onto your back you had never felt so empty. 

You watched as Joel disposed of the condom in the bin next to the bed before leaving his room and coming back moments later with a warm washcloth that he handed to you. You took it gratefully and cleaned yourself up as best you could. You knew you needed to get up and use the bathroom but right now, as Joel was peeling back the sheets and motioning for you to get under the covers with him, the cloth would have to do. 

Despite both of you feeling like you were on fire, you wrapped yourself up in Joel’s strong embrace. You rested your head on his chest and used your hands to trace tiny patterns across the skin of his shoulder. 

“I can’t remember the last time a girl stayed long enough to cuddle with me.” He mused, pressing a chaste kiss to your forehead. 

“I can’t remember the last time a man made me cum six times in one night.” Was your response. 

The rise and fall of his chest told you he was silently chuckling to himself, “Six?” He asked, “You think you’re getting away with just six tonight?” 

You shifted enough to look into his eyes thinking you might find that he was joking but the look on his face suggested otherwise. 

“I’m not having you here all night and not making the most of it.” He whispered into your ear, causing goosebumps to appear on your skin, despite the temperature in the room.

“Give me a chance to catch my breath Miller and you’re on.” 

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[thetriumphantpanda]

The Way You Miss Me | Joel Miller (Chapter Seven)

Chapter Summary | Joel has been MIA for a week since he kissed you on the porch. You're paired up for patrol, alone for the first time and Joel has twenty years of time to make up to you.

Pairing | Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings | SMUT. MY BABIES ARE FUCKING AGAIN. Unprotect PiV sex, oral sex (F receiving) and some dirty talk for good measure.

Authors Note | It took me so long to get this right in my brain, but these two idiots are finally together again and I'm so happy that they get aa happy ending. This is the last full chapter of The Way You Miss Me - I have a small epilogue planned coming out soon to round their story off. I'd love to know what you think - you can pop into my ask to let me know and as always, reblogs, comments and likes are my life blood.

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

It’s just past 9am when a knock at your front door pulls you from the bottom of your coffee mug. You set it down on the coffee table and answer the door. It’s Tommy. 

“Good mornin’, sunshine,” He greets as usual, “Nice day, right?” 

You lean against the door frame, “Morning Tommy,” You smile, you know he wants something, “Absolutely, looks like it’s going to be a scorcher.” 

“Perfect day to get out and about, right?” 

You smirk, “What do you want, Tommy?” 

“Ben is sick, he was due to head out on patrol up to the lodge, I was wondering if maybe you’d consider taking his duty today?” 

It had been a week since the last time you’d gone out. Since the close call with Ellie and Joel. Since Joel stood on your front porch and kissed the life out of you. Or back into you. You still couldn’t decide. A week since you’d seen him. You didn’t know where he was hiding. 

“Yeah, I don’t see why not, what time was he due to head off?” 

“He was down for midday patrol, should mean you’re back in time for dinner later,” His hand moves to the back of his neck, like it always does when there’s something else, he’s not telling you, “You should know Joel is down as his patrol partner, I know things haven’t been easy between you two, so if you’re not comfortable, I can take it instead.” 

You shake your head, so Joel hasn’t told Tommy about kissing you. Interesting. Were you about to go back to being a secret again? 

“It’s alright Tommy, I’m a big girl,” You shrug your shoulders, “Plus, Maria will have my ass, you’ve got a baby to think about now, can’t have you out there risking life and limb just yet.” 

“I owe you one, thank you,” Tommy reaches out to squeeze your arm, “I’ll make sure he’s on his best behaviour.” 

“I’m capable of putting that man in his place Tommy,” You say, pushing yourself off the doorframe, “We’ll be fine.” 

*

There’s a slight breeze through the trees as you walk which makes the heat pleasant. You’ve got a rifle strapped to your back, much like you had when you’d taken Joel and Ellie to the lake, and a handgun resting in the back of your jeans. Joel is walking a few steps behind you; he’s been like that since you left Jackson an hour ago. 

“Enjoying the view, Miller?” You shoot over your shoulder. 

“Always have.” Is his response. He can’t see your face but you’re smiling. 

You have to admit, this is weird. When you’d met with him at the gun store, he’d been polite, saying hello, but keeping his distance. You thought maybe once you’d left the confines of town he’d lighten up, walk closer to you, maybe even hold your hand, but he’d kept a few steps behind you all the way. Maybe it had something to do with the tight jeans you’d decided to wear, but something in you suspects he’d a few steps behind to keep an eye out, to protect you if something goes wrong. 

It doesn’t take long for you both to reach the bottom of the hill that leads to the lodge. You stop and prepare yourself. You’d first done this run with Tommy in the winter and it had almost killed you. The snow had made walking up the steep incline even harder, and when Tommy had announced you were halfway you thought you might cry. Your lungs were screaming, the calf muscles in your legs threatening to cramp. 

“You alright?” Joel asks, finally standing side-by-side with you. 

“I hate this fuckin’ hill.” You reply simply. 

Joel laughs, “Come on, you’ve still got youth on your side, I’m old and this is fine.” 

“I’m forty-five years old Joel and my knees have gone to shit,” You hit his arm, “And my lungs are not what they once were.” 

He’s stepping forward to start walking, “That’s what you get for starting on cigarettes,” He scoffs, turning around to you, “You should really give up.” 

“Don’t try and take the high ground Miller, it won’t work.” 

He holds out his hand to you now, “Will you take my hand, for God’s sake,” He chuckles, “It’s not going to burn you.” 

You slip your hand into his and he’s pulling you up the start of the hill. His hand is still large against your own, his skin still rough and calloused, like it always had been. You’d expected him to let go of your hand once you got moving, but instead, he moves to lace his fingers through your own. You look down at your entwined hands and up at his face, which shows a smile you hadn’t seen in forever. 

“I’m sorry I haven’t been around much,” He speaks softly as you tackle the hill together, “Tommy’s been bustin’ my ass with patrols all week.” 

“It’s alright Joel, you’re here now.” You give his hand a squeeze and a comfortable silence falls between you. 

“Listen, I wanted to say sorry for what I said before,” You can tell he’s a little out of breath, but you don’t know whether that’s from the hill or the nerves you can feel radiating through him, “It was wrong of me to tell you I hadn’t thought about you, truth is darlin’ I never stopped, always wondered what happened to you, where you were, what you were doin’, it drove me crazy the whole time,” He stops to take a deep breath, “I’m fuckin’ awful at this,” He grumbles to himself, “I guess what I was tryin’ to say to you was that thinking you were dead helped me stop thinking that maybe you weren’t safe, that someone had you or somethin’ like that.” 

“Joel, stop, please,” You give him another squeeze to his hand, “It’s fine, I get it. There were times when I tried to do the same, although I suppose if anyone was going to make it through this whole ordeal then it was always going to be you,” The hill is becoming steeper and you’ve both slowed down, “I guess I just always knew if it wasn’t going to be you, you know, that I ended up with, I didn’t want anyone else, that’s why I kept telling myself one day, one day I’d find you, and all that matters now is that I did, we can forget everything else, let’s just focus on moving forward.” 

It takes another thirty minutes or so of walking before you’re cresting the brow of the hill and the lodge comes into view. Joel let’s go of your hand for the first time since he took it, letting you press your palms to your knees, bent over to catch your breath. He’s right, you need to give up the smoking. 

Once you’re both sure the lodge is still secure with no signs of infected or raiders, you move to the guestbook which Tommy had set up and write both yours and Joel’s name down, with the date and any observation notes. When you turn around, he’s leant against the railings, arms crossed over his chest with his backpack and rifle placed against the wall. The sun in framing him like he’s straight from the pages of the bible, creating a halo around his head, and you think he’s the most beautiful man you’ve ever seen, but then again, he always was. 

“C’mere darlin’.” He reaches a hand out to you and you walk the short distance, taking hold of it. 

He tugs you to his chest, arms wrapping around your shoulders as yours circle his waist. You can feel him take a deep breath at the top of your head and instinctively you do the same, soaking in his smell. You feel content here, he always was your safe haven. 

“I’ve missed you so much Joel.” You speak softly, feeling one of his hands drop to your lower back, pressing you further into his body. 

“I missed you too darlin’ girl,” He presses a kiss to the top of your head, “But I’m here now, and I’m not goin’ anywhere, I promise.” 

You tilt your head towards his face, pressing yourself up on your tiptoes to press a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth. You try to pull away but instead, his firm hand presses into the small of your back to keep you still and then his mouth his on yours. It’s slow, his lips pressing against your own softly, so soft that you could almost convince yourself you were dreaming. He pulls away slightly, tilting his face so his nose bumps against your own, then his mouth is back on yours, this time with more force behind it. 

One of his hands is tangling in the hair at the nape of your neck, pulling your face towards him and as your mouth opens for him and your tongues are working against each other, you feel the hand that was at the small of your back work its way down. His hand slides into the back pocket of your jeans and he squeezes, earning a moan to fall from your lips, only to get drowned out on his tongue. 

He pulls away and presses his forehead to your own, eyes closed, and you can tell he’s just as content as you are right now. 

“I’ve thought about this for the last twenty years Joel,” You whisper, “Please, I need you.” 

He smiles with his eyes still closed. He moves, turning your position so he has you pressed up against the railings this time. His lips are back on yours as his hands move to undo the button of your jeans, undoing it with the same prowess as he always had. He tugs the zipper down and then he’s dropping to his knees in front of you and you think you might combust with excitement. He’s pulling your jeans down your legs, trailing wet, open mouth kisses to your skin as he does. He’s unlacing your shoes and pulling them off before his husky voice is speaking to you again. 

“Step out of this darlin’ girl.” 

You do as he says, lifting one foot and then the other so he can pull your jeans right off. They’re discarded somewhere behind him, then he’s hooking one of your legs over his shoulder. Your head tilts back as you feel his mouth pressing kisses around the outline of your underwear. His hands are gripping the back of your legs, where the curve of your ass meets the back of your thighs and you think that if you have to wait any longer for what you want, your heart might stop. 

“Joel…” You breathe out, fisting a hand in his hair to pull his attention to you, “I’ve waited too long for this for you tease me.”  “What do you want, darlin’ girl?” 

“Take these off and put your mouth on me, Miller.” 

You can feel his smirk against your inner thigh as he pulls your leg from his shoulder. Your underwear is swiftly discarded, and your leg is back over his shoulder, his hands cupping the round cheeks of your ass in order to keep you upright. 

He licks the pad of his tongue from your aching entrance all the way up the seam of your pussy until the tip of his tongue flicks at your clit and you crumple. His hands on your ass are doing a fine job of keeping you up as he circles your clit with the tip of his tongue. Your hand is fisting his hair and you’re pulling so hard you think you might hurt him, but judging from the depraved sounds that are coursing through your pussy, you don’t think it matters to him. He keeps you like this for what feels like forever, teasing your clit with his tongue until you’re practically grinding onto his face. 

“Joel… fuck, oh my god, I’m so close, please…” You beg. 

“Please what?” 

“Make me cum.” 

He wastes no time. He does exactly what he used to do all those years ago. He pushes two of his fingers into your weeping pussy, curling them in just the right way that you’re keening at him, shallow breaths heaving through your chest as his lips suction around your clit. It’s too much. It’s always been too much. Before you know it, your legs are shaking and cries of “JoelJoelJoel…” are falling from your lips as he works you through the first orgasm you’ve had since you last saw him.

He presses kisses to your inner thigh, rubbing his stubble on your skin to wipe off most of your slick before he’s standing. There’s concern in his eyes because you’re crying. Genuine tears of happiness that the man you had wanted all along really was here and was still able to pull earth-shattering orgasms from you like it was nothing. 

“I’m okay,” You reassure him, “Just happy.” 

He kisses you and the taste of yourself on his lips is sinful. You drink the taste of yourself from him, letting your palm run over the growing bulge at the front of his jeans, “You going to fuck me, Miller?” You ask, looking up at him through your eyelashes. 

“I thought you’d never ask.” 

He’s turned you around now, the front of your body pressed against the railings. You can see the whole world in front of you. The sun just beginning to set, the wind rustling the trees, and Jackson out in the distance. You hear Joel undoing his belt buckle and the sound of his zipper being pulled down. Then you feel his skin against your own, the hardness of his cock pressing into your ass. He takes a moment to push his fingers back inside you, gathering your slick which he then uses to coat his own length, before he’s lining up to you and gently pushing himself inside. 

If you thought the feeling of his mouth had been a relief, it was nothing compared to this. He had always been a snug fit inside you, the friction of his size sending tingles up your spine as he slowly edged himself inside you. He’d never fucked you bare before, too risky, but now you didn’t care. You could feel all of him inside you and it was like you’d never been apart. Fit right back together like two pieces of a puzzle. 

He starts thrusting into you in earnest, clearly as overcome with the feeling of being back inside you as he always had been, “Fuckin’ hell darlin’, you’ve not changed a bit,” He pulls you flush against his chest, one hand resting at your throat, the other wrapped across your lower belly, mouth right against your ear, “Still fit me like a glove.” 

“Oh Joel,” You moan, hands gripping the railing in front of you, “Harder, please.” You beg. 

He obliges, just like he always has done, “Darlin’, I’m not gonna last much longer,” He breathes out, hand snaking down to your clit where he starts to rub tight circles around you, “Fuckin’ old man, I want to spend eternity buried inside you.” 

“Ohhh Joel, don’t stop,” Your head falls back against his shoulder, “I’m… ah! Oh god, I’m going…” 

“Go on, give me one more, always such a good girl for me.” 

You do just that, the tight circles he’s rubbing on your clit and the filth he’s whispering in your ear, topped off with how his cock is slipping in and out of you, has you screaming his name out into the world below you as your feel your pussy clench around his cock. He’s not far behind you, he pulls out of you just in time to paint your backside with thick ropes of his cum as he fists himself through his own orgasm. 

You fall forward, pressing your forehead into the railing whilst you catch your breath. Joel follows suit, his chest falling against your back whilst you both gather your thoughts. 

“I have to admit, this is not how I thought I’d fuck you after all these years.” He’s chuckling into your ear as you both stand up, aware that you need to start heading back soon. 

“We were never conventional Joel,” You smile as he hands you your clothes, “I’d have thought something was wrong if there was a comfy bed or I had to be extra quiet, so we didn’t wake anyone up.” 

The walk back to Jackson is much easier downhill than it was going up it earlier. The sun is almost set when the gates open for you both. Joel had been holding your hand the entire time and you’d expected that once you got back to the safety of the commune, he’d let it go, but he does the opposite. He wraps an arm around your shoulder, and you find your hand slipping into the back pocket of his jeans, just like his had up at the lodge. 

You can see Tommy in front of The Tipsy Bison, he looks like he’s seen a ghost at the two of you, claiming each other in front of everyone else. And then he’s cheering, confusion written on the faces of the people around him who don’t know your history. It’s reminiscent of high school and you bury your head in Joel’s shoulder to hide your embarrassment. Joel shrugs his shoulder, so you lift your head. 

“Not embarrassed to be seen with me, are you?” He’s joking, and you know it. 

“Never.” You smile, pressing a kiss to his lips for everyone to see. 

You’re done hiding from everyone else. Joel Miller was yours and you were his. No more secrets. 

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#Joel Miller #Pedro Pascal #The last of us #the last of us hbo #Joel Miller smut #Joel Miller fic #Joel Miller fanfic #Joel Miller fan fiction #Joel Miller x you #Joel Miller x reader #Joel Miller x female reader #Joel Miller x f!reader #the last of us fic #the last of us fanfic #the last of us fan fiction #TWYMM #Joel Miller Pedro Pascal

[thetriumphantpanda]

The Way You Miss Me | Joel Miller (Chapter Three)

Your father hosts his annual end of summer cookout with the Miller family invited along. When the teasing between you and Joel becomes too much to handle, you sneak away together before talking to Joel about the future.

Pairing | Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings | Smut, oral sex (M receiving) and alcohol consumption. Nothing else I can think of.

Word Count | 3.8K

Authors Note | Thank you for all the love and support for this story so far. I'm so glad you're all enjoying it. Things will look a little different next chapter as we all know what September brings don't we? I can't wait for you guys to read what I've got planned for upcoming chapters. If you enjoyed this chapter then please let me know - pop into my ask box with the love, reblog or just like - it makes my day!

The end of summer was fast approaching and with it the sense of doom that the life you’d be living over the summer would soon be gone. It had been three weeks since you’d spent the night with Joel and you were the happiest you think you’d ever been. You’d managed to steal two more nights with him since then and he’d kept good on his promise to not ignore you whenever you’d been looking after Sarah. He’d come in through the door and have you pressed up against the wall in seconds with his lips on yours. 

September was just around the corner which brought with it its own challenges. You’d soon be starting classes for your master’s degree and although you were excited and staying with your dad meant you’d still be able to look after Sarah and see Joel, there was no denying this would change things. You’d be busier with studies and have more obligations away from the little bubble you’d quickly built with Joel. 

Shaking off your thoughts you continued to get ready. It was tradition that your dad held a BBQ at the end of summer, usually always falling on the last weekend in August. This year was no different, all the usual suspects had been invited – your neighbours and some of your dad’s friends from the bar he often went to – you’d invited Emma who had graciously accepted, but this year there would be the addition of Joel, his brother Tommy and Sarah. Your dad had invited them as a thank you for a job well done on their previous project and to thank both Joel and Tommy for agreeing to help on an even bigger project that was coming up. 

It had been a few days since you’d last seen Joel and although you were excited to be able to see him, things would be different. For one, your dad still had no idea there was anything going on between the two of you and you weren’t about to announce it to every man and his dog who decided to come tonight by getting too close to him or risking the desire to touch him. For another, the rest of Joel’s family were there – you didn’t know how much he’d told Tommy, if anything, about the two of you but you were sure Sarah was still oblivious to what was going on and that’s how you intended to keep it. 

You could hear your dad calling you from downstairs. He needed help setting the drinks in the cooler and taking the food out of the fridge. Taking one last look at yourself in the mirror you sighed. You’d picked a thigh length sundress – it was pale blue and sat snugly on your hips and curves. A matching set of nude underwear was on underneath, hoping that at some point in the evening you’d have Joel alone long enough for him to reach a hand up your dress and squeeze your ass. If you couldn’t touch him in public, you were certainly going to tease him instead. 

***

“So, how’re things gonna play with your girl tonight, brother?” 

Joel groaned inwardly, flicking a look in the rear-view mirror to look at Sarah. She had her headphones on and seemed to be in her own world. She didn’t need to hear this conversation. 

“She’s not my girl Tommy,” Joel spoke gruffly, refusing to look at his brother who was driving, “And even if she was, nothin’ would be going on tonight anyway, I’m not stupid.” 

Tommy shot a knowing look in Joel’s direction, “Right, not stupid,” A laugh almost falling from his mouth, “Sleepin’ with the boss’ daughter is definitely not stupid.” 

Joel hit Tommy square on his arm for that, not hard enough to hurt but hard enough to act as a warning, “I swear to god you’re a liability Tommy,” He hissed, “You cannot talk like that tonight, okay?” 

“As if I would, old man,” Tommy replied, holding his hands up quickly in a show of surrender before returning them to the wheel, “But she’s definitely your girl Joel, if you’re asking me to babysit Sarah so you can drive around the back streets for hours then she’s definitely something.” 

Joel sighed knowing Tommy was right. The past few weeks had been a whirlwind. Two nights of having you wrapped up in his bed and countless late evenings spent hopping in his truck, parking three streets over from your house and waiting for you. Watching as you slid into the passenger side of his truck and wasted no time in planting your lips to him. Laughing as you both slid into the back seats of his truck to fuck as quickly as humanely possible because he dropped you back at home, spent but aching for me. He had it bad. 

“Look, we’re just tryin’ to take things slow alright?” Joel explained, finally looking at his brother, “Hell, she’s back to school soon so I don’t know, might find someone her own age.” 

Tommy gave a nod and went to open his mouth to say something but ultimately decided to keep his mouth shut, spending the rest of the short drive in silence. When they arrived there were already a fair few trucks parked out the front, at least they didn’t have the awkward situation of being the first there. 

Sarah jumped out of the car first, making sure her bag was slung over her shoulder. Joel went to ask her to take her headphones off but turned around and saw she’d already done it. Tommy grabbed the packs of beers from the trunk and they walked up to the front door. It was propped open so Joel pushed it out and could see right down through the living room and out into the garden where a few people were milling about, beers in hand. 

Tommy gave Joel a slap on the back as he led them through the house and out to the back. 

***

“Ahh boys, so glad you could make it!” 

You watched from your bedroom window as the Miller family arrived into the backyard. Joel and Tommy both gave your dad one of the classic man hug greetings and you watched as your dad outstretched his hand to Sarah who shook it gladly. 

“So are we going to spend all evening hiding up here?” Emma spoke behind you, she was stretched out on your bed with a cigarette sat between her lips, unlit, and a half-finished margarita in her hand, ”Because in about twenty minutes I’ll be gasping for a smoke and my drink will be empty.” 

“Emma you’re not helping.” You groaned, pulling your gaze away from watching Joel bend over the cooler to pick up a beer for him and his brother, “I’m freaking out.” 

“Why?” She asked, turning so she was facing you on one side, “You’ve spoken to this guy hundreds, if not thousands of times, I assume sometimes whilst he’s naked, this is going to be a walk in the park.” 

“Oh my god Emma stop it,” You moaned, plonking yourself down to sit on the floor with your back against the wall, “I’ve never had to speak to him in front of my dad after spending days having sex with him.” 

Emma looked at you before standing up, “We are not doing this, come on!” She exclaimed, pulling at your wrists to pick you up off the floor. 

Before you had a chance to protest, she’d managed to get our arm twisted behind your back and was pushing you out of the bedroom door, only letting go once you’d started down the stairs and had nowhere else to go but out of the backdoor and into the garden. You really did hate her sometimes. 

“Ahhh there she is!” Your father exclaimed when he spotted you and Emma in the garden, “Come and say hello to the Millers.” 

Sarah was the most excited to see you, pulling you into a hug and showing you the nails she’d painted the night before. 

“I used those polishes you gave me; do you like them?” She’d asked, extending her arms so you could look at her hands. 

“They’re lovely, Sarah!” You exclaimed, taking a closer look at the tiny blue flowers she’d attempted to draw on. 

“You must be the lovely girl who relieved me of any and all baby sitting duties,” Joel’s brother spoke once Sarah had moved away to sit with the group of children who’d also been brought with their parents, “Tommy.” He extended his hand. 

You shook it gladly, grateful for any interaction that would keep you from having to look at Joel. You’d never met Tommy before but between your dad and Joel’s stories you knew he could be a handful. Glancing behind you, he would have been just Emma’s type if she hadn’t have recently decided she wanted to explore her sexuality and had promptly realized she liked women more than men. 

“Sorry, I guess I needed the money more than you did.” 

Tommy chuckled before letting your hand drop. Only one person left. Your eyes shifted from Tommy up to his brother who was stood just behind him. 

“Hey Joel.” You spoke quietly, expecting him to outstretch his hand to shake like Tommy had. 

“Hey Darlin’,” He spoke, shocking you completely as he pulled you in for a hug, “How’re you holdin’ up?” 

You stepped back trying to hide the shock on your face that he’d gone for a greeting so physical in nature, “I’m okay,” You answered, “Although I’m thirsty, I’m gonna head in to grab a drink, y’all need anything?” 

Once you’d established that no-one needed anything, you turned on your heel and headed back into the kitchen where Emma was already whipping up a drink. 

“See, that wasn’t too bad was it?” She asked, adding ice into the cocktail shaker, “He hugged you and neither of you spontaneously combusted.” 

You shot her a warning look across the kitchen and island which she in turn gave right back to you as she shook the cocktail, pouring it into two glasses before pushing one towards you, “Now for goodness sake, get that down you and starting having fun.” 

***

You had to admit that with a few of Emma’s margarita’s flowing through your system you’d loosened up a lot. You could now steal glances at Joel from across the garden without your cheeks turning red and the one time he did catch you looking, you were able to share a glance and a wink to each other without squealing. 

Your dad had finally served all the food and the guests were all either stood around eating from plates or sat on the various bits of furniture around the place talking with a drink in their hand. You had to admit it was nice. The sun was just beginning to set, bringing a little breeze to the evening to cool everyone off. You deposited your empty plate on the table in front of you before excusing yourself to go to the bathroom. 

Across the garden, Joel felt Tommy elbow him in the side to grab his attention. 

“What?” Joel asked, turning to face him. 

In a low voice Tommy replied, “Your girl has just gone inside and I swear if you don’t follow her we’re going home, I can’t stand anymore of the eyes you two are makin’ at each other.” 

Joel rolled his eyes at Tommy but had to admit he was right. He’d been stealing glances at you all night. Watching as you spoke to your friend Emma or interacted with Sarah. He’d imagined running his hands up your thighs to cup your ass in that delightful dress you had worn, imagined sneaking off somewhere to put his mouth on your pussy and make you cum as fast as he could. It was a miracle with all the thoughts flowing through his brain that he hadn’t had to excuse himself to the bathroom to calm himself down. He silently handed Tommy his empty plate announcing to the small group they were sat with that he was excusing himself to the bathroom. 

You could hear footsteps coming up the stairs as you washed your hands in the sink. Taking a quick moment to smooth your hair and take aa breath, you opened the door and walked right out to Joel Miller leant against the wall. 

“Hi Joel.” You spoke quietly, letting the bathroom door close behind you. 

“Hey darlin’,” He replied, holding out a hand to you which you took without thinking, letting him pull you close to him, “I’ve wanted to do this all night.” 

You looked up at him as one of his hands slipped around your waist to pull you flush to his body before his mouth was on yours. It was a tender kiss, soft and full of want and when he pulled away you were a little breathless. 

“We have to be careful,” You whispered, “I want you so badly Joel.” 

He pressed a soft kiss to your forehead before cupping your face in his hands, “Everyone is pretty distracted downstairs, I think we could spare a couple of minutes.” 

You looked into his eyes, arousal pooling in your tummy at his suggestion. It was dirty and dangerous to think about fucking him when your dad was just outside but this whole situation had done something to you that you couldn’t explain. You’d never been a risk taker but the thought of letting Joel fuck you when your dad was mere meters away was thrilling. 

You took hold of his hand and dragged him to the end of the hall and into your room. As soon as the door was shut behind you, Joel had you pressed up against the door and was trailing wet, open mouth kisses across your neck and collarbone whilst his hand trailed a light path up your thigh and under your dress. 

“Did you wear this for me darlin’?” Joel asked, “Wanted to get me all worked up thinking about putting my hands underneath this little dress?” 

You let out a soft moan at his words as his hands trailed further up your thigh to rest on your hip whilst his lips continued to kiss over the skin of your neck. 

“You think it’s fun to tease me, huh?” He asked, “Get me all excited to think about bending you over and fucking you?” 

“Joel…” You moaned, “Please baby, I need you to touch me.” 

He gave a chuckle and removed his hands from your hips and his lips from your neck before taking a few steps back from you. You looked at him and couldn’t imagine what you must look like, chest heaving and skin red from excitement. 

“You’ve been a little naughty though darlin’,” He spoke, “I think you need to make it up to me after all that teasing, don’t you think?”  You watched intently as he slowly undid his belt, pulling it through the loops and discarding it on the floor. A smirk grew across your face at his insinuation. He wanted you to suck his dick. You walked slowly over to him and used one of your hands to press it to his chest, pushing him just enough to have him sit on the edge of your bed. 

Joel’s eye didn’t leave yours as he watched you slowly sink to your knees in front of him. He couldn’t remember the last time someone had sucked him off and he was far too excited by the prospect of having your pretty little mouth on him. 

“Take your jeans off.” Your voice was demanding, and Joel did as he was told, undoing the button and the zipper and pushing them down to his ankles along with his underwear. 

You knew you were on the clock and as much as you wanted to spend hours teasing him you knew you didn’t have that luxury. You brought a hand to grip the base of his cock, reveling in the low moan that fell from his lips as you did. You used your hand to move up and down the length of his shaft whilst you peppered kisses to his thighs and abdomen to tease him as much as time would allow. 

“Baby,” you heard a throaty voice speak from above you, “I need you to put me in your mouth.” 

You grinned up at him, more than happy to oblige. You started by locking your lips around the head of his cock, using your tongue to run slow licks around it. Almost immediately you felt Joel’s hand tangle in the hair at the back of your head, gently pressing you forward. You opened your mouth wider and took as much of him down your throat as you could, using your hand to jerk what you couldn’t fit into your mouth. 

“Jesus baby that’s good.” Joel praised from above you. 

You looked up at him through your eyelashes, keeping his gaze locked on yours as you moved your mouth up and down the length of his cock, watching as his breathing got heavier the longer he looked at you. 

“I’m not gonna last long darlin’,” He spoke again, but there was a glint in his eye as he watched you, “How about you let me fuck your mouth baby?” He asked, “I need you to make me cum.” 

“Do what you want Joel.” Was your simple reply. 

He pushed you back a little so he could stand up before guiding his cock back to your mouth. He started off with slow thrusts into your mouth, holding you still with a hand tangled in your hair again. He certainly wasn’t going to last much longer like this, watching down as you swallowed his cock. When he was sure you were used to the sensation he sped up a little, thrusting deeper into your mouth. The feeling of your throat tightening around him when you choked a little had him on the edge in minutes. 

“Darlin’, I’m gonna cum,” He managed to force out of his mouth, “Where do you want me.” He pulled back just long enough for you to answer. 

“I want you in my mouth Joel, I want to know how good you taste.” 

He did as he was told, letting your lips wrap around him once more – his thrusts into your mouth were sloppy and you could tell it would take very little to tip him over the edge so in order to help him out you took one of your free hands to cup his balls, massaging them at the same time as your mouth slid up and down his shaft. Within seconds Joel was moaning and you felt the first ropes of cum settle on your tongue as he held your head still.  

Once Joel was absolutely certain that you’d drained him of what he was worth he pulled himself away from you, watching as you winked at him from your place on your knees. He watched you swallow his cum and stick your tongue out like a child showing their parent they’d finished swallowing a tablet. 

“Jesus darlin’ that was good.” He breathed as he pulled his clothes back on and worked on getting his belt back through the loops. 

He helped you stand, pulling you into a kiss as he did so, “I think if we spend any longer up here people are gonna start talking baby,” He breathed, “I promise I’ll come back later once Sarah is asleep to make sure I say thank you.” 

You smiled at him, taking hold of his hand before bringing it to your pussy, still covered in your underwear. You felt his fingers skim under the fabric under your guidance and watched his eyes widen as he felt how slick you were from just sucking his cock. 

You took his fingers from your pussy and brought them to him mouth with your hand, watching as he licked your wetness from his fingers. 

“Just a little taste of what you’ll get later.” 

***

Later that evening just as he’d promised, Joel had waited in his truck in your usual place before driving out of town. He’d made good on his promise to say thank you, spreading you out on the backseat to eat your pussy. He’d kept you there for what felt like hours, coaxing three orgasms from you, before he made you sit on his lap to ride him where he’d managed to pull another two orgasms from you before finishing himself. 

You were spread out, leaning against his back with his arms around you in the backseat of his truck, enjoying the silence of the countryside. 

“What are you thinking about, darlin’?” He asked, running a hand through your loose hair.

“That I don’t want this summer to end,” You answered honestly, “Everything is going to change isn’t it?” 

“It is?” Joel asked back, “Sure you’re gonna be busy with school but you’ll still be around, you can babysit Sarah when you’ve got time and I promise I’ll make as much time as I can to see you.” 

“Don’t you just wish things could have been different?” You ask.

“How so?”  “I mean, maybe I could have been older or met you normally at a bar or something, instead of you having to be my dad’s friend and colleague,” You were thinking out loud at this point, “I just wish we didn’t have to sneak around like this, I just want everyone to know you’re mine.” 

You felt Joel sigh behind you, and you were worried you’d overstepped the mark until he started talking again, “I don’t think I’d change a thing,” He answered honestly, “All that matters is that we’re here, together. Sure, it’s unconventional and all hell will break loose once we decide to tell other people, but I want to enjoy this while we can.” 

He pressed a kiss to the side of your temple before glancing at the clock in the front of the car, “I should get you back darlin’.” 

You lifted your head to look up at him, Joel opting to plant a chaste kiss on your lips before you both moved to put your clothes back on and head home. 

One the drive back Joel held onto your hand with the one he wasn’t using to drive, “I promise you darlin’ this will be fine,” You turned to look at him, “I wanna do right by you and I promise once we’ve started on this job with your dad I’ll find a way for us to tell people.” 

All too soon his truck was parked a few streets over from your home and it was time to leave, Joel pressed one last kiss to your mouth and then to the hand that was still clasped in his own. 

“Goodnight darlin’,” He said, “I’ll see you soon, I promise.” 

“Goodnight Joel.” 

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#Joel Miller #Pedro Pascal #the last of us #the last of us hbo #Joel miller smut #Joel miller fic #Joel miller x female reader #Joel miller x reader #Joel miller x you #Joel miller fan fiction #Joel Miller Pedro Pascal #TWYMM

[thetriumphantpanda]

The Way You Miss Me | Joel Miller (Chapter Four)

Twenty Years and one apocalypse later and you find yourself in Jackson. Convinced that having found one Miller brother, the likelihood of you finding the other was slim, you were in for the shock of your life.

Pairing | Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings | Mentions of sexual acts including oral but nothing explicit, mentions of violence but again nothing explicit, and that's about it.

Word Count | 4.3K

Authors Note | Gonna be honest this one was a struggle... I've been working on this for over a week and it's certainly not my best work, bit of a filler so I hope it doesn't disappoint but we'll get into more juicy things with these two in upcoming chapters, I promise. Please let me know what you think - pop into my ask and leave some love or leave some comments and love on the post - it all helps!

Spring had well and truly sprung in Jackson. There was a slight warmth to the air which you had welcomed following the harsh winter you’d been through the previous year. The snow had melted, and you were glad to see some of the community out in the gardens preparing the beds for all the fruits and vegetables they would be trying to grow this year. 

It had been a long slog for you and your father since the outbreak. Bouncing from QZ to QZ until the last one had fallen. Then you’d been on your own, crossing state line after state line, settling for short periods of time in settlements before moving on, not sure what you were looking for until you’d fallen right on it, quite literally. 

It was snowing heavily and neither you nor your father could see you hand in front of your face. You’d praised God for the thick coats you’d managed to scavenge from a family home, but you weren’t likely to last much longer in this storm if you didn’t find shelter. Always in the back of your mind was the fact that your father was getting on in age. His knees were not what they used to be, and you’d noticed he was slower than he had once been. You’d both stopped keeping count of birthdays and years. Calendars were hard to come by in during the end of the world, but you knew it had been at least 20 years. He’d been several years older than Joel at the time of the outbreak and you both thought he was pushing sixty-seven or sixty-eight now.

Trailing through the snow you could slowly start to make out a huge gate with a perimeter around it. Turning back to yell out to your father that shelter was ahead you found him hunched in the snow on his knees. 

“Oh my God!” You’d exclaimed but the sound of the wind whipping the snow had covered it up. 

You ran as fast as you could back to him, looping your arm under his elbow to drag him up, “Come on dad, there’s a settlement up ahead, it’s not far I promise.” 

“Darlin’, just leave me, go on ahead and come back for me with help.” 

You were ashamed to admit that you had considered it. He was a heavy man, the years of travelling and trying to keep you both alive had taken its toll on both of you, but you remembered all the things he’d done for you up until this point and it wasn’t an option. He was coming with you or you’d both freeze to death in the storm. 

“Come on, just stand up for me,” You begged, “I promise we’ll be there in less than five minutes, please dad.” 

You felt him push himself up, using you to steady himself once he’d stood. You point out in front of you to show him the gate you spotted, “It’s just up there, can you see it?”  He nodded and keeping a firm grip on your arm you’d continued trekking through the snow to the gate in front of you. It was imposing and huge, you couldn’t see how far the walls went around due to the snow, but the fact that you could see three figures standing on the top, you’d bet inside was a large community. 

“What do you want?!” One of the guards had shouted down to you through the storm. 

“Me and my father, we just need somewhere to ride out the storm!” You’d called back, “We don’t need to stay, just somewhere warm until this passes.” 

You could see the man who had shouted down to you was talking to the other guard who was stood next to him before he made a signal for someone below him to open the gate. Relief flooded over you, in much the same way it did for your father who promptly collapsed to his knees again. 

You did the same as before, looping an arm to try and lift him up but this time he was a dead weight. You could see two figures running through the snow to help you, watching as they picked your father up and rushed him through the main gates. You didn’t take in the surroundings as you followed as quickly as you could behind the figures who were carrying your father, only stopping once they’d pushed through the doors of a makeshift hospital and put him onto a bed. 

There was silence as they unzipped his coat and pulled down the scarf he had wrapped around the lower part of his face to shield his skin from the cold when one of them stopped dead and turned around to you. 

“Tommy fucking Miller?!” 

“Holy fuckin’ shit.” 

Within seconds you were enveloped into the strongest hug you’d been given in your life and for the first time since the outbreak began you relaxed a little, returning the strong hug back to him. 

“How the hell did you get all the way up here?” He asked, releasing you, leaving his friend to care for your father. 

“I could ask the same thing about you.” You replied, “It’s a long fucking story.” 

At that moment, you’d been tempted to ask about Joel. 20 years and the end of the fucking world and that man was still front and center in your mind. You had almost opened your mouth to ask when your father’s coughing pulled you from your conversation. You rushed to the bed and took hold of his hand as he looked up at you. 

“Sorry Darlin’,” He’d spoken softly, “Guess I needed a rest.” 

You’d laughed, mainly through the sheer amount of adrenaline working through your veins and not because you found it funny, “You’ll never guess who we’ve managed to find?” You’d spoken, taking hold of his hand before shifting a little to reveal Tommy behind you. 

“Well I’ll never,” your father had spoken, trying to lift himself up in the bed to get a better look, “Never in my life did I think Tommy Miller would come to my rescue.” 

“I can’t believe you’re still going, old man.” Was Tommy’s response. 

That had been months ago and despite saying you’d leave once the storm had passed, the chance at a semi-normal life for the two of you and the fact that you’d found the only friend you thought you had left was enough to make you stay. 

“Good morning, sunshine.” Tommy had greeted a few moments after you’d knocked on his front door. 

“Morning Tommy,” You replied, “What’s on the agenda today?” 

“I need someone to help me scout a new trail down to the power station and back,” He’d explained as you made your way to the stables, “It’ll make life a lot easier for the guys trying to get it back up to 100% but I wanted to check it first.” 

In the few short months, you’d been at Jackson you’d not quite found your place in it. Your father had finally been able to retire, spending his days in the rec hall, the church or the bar with the older elderly population, but you’d bounced around from job to job trying to find the right fit. 

The school had been your natural first choice, you’d been three weeks into your history master’s degree when the outbreak had happened so thought teaching history would be good for you, until you realized you had despised most children even before the infected took over the world, so you swiftly packed that in. You’d volunteered to help much out the horses and learn about veterinary care, but you hadn’t particularly clicked with any of the other people who had worked there, so you’d settled for following Tommy around, helping with odds and ends where you could. 

Once the horses were saddled up and you were out on the trail you realized what a beautiful day it was. The sky was clear, and it was warm enough to forgo the large jacket you’d been wearing through the winter for something lighter. Maria had packed enough food for the both of you to enjoy on the trail later and as always, Tommy had his hip flask with him, hopefully filled with liquid from one of the pre-outbreak bottles you knew he kept at the back of the cupboard at home. 

“So, I have something I need to tell you.” Tommy had admitted when you’d tied the horses up to drink and take a break. 

“That’s not ominous at all.” You’d replied, gratefully taking the hip flask from him to take a sip. 

“I didn’t tell you at the time because it wasn’t meant to be permanent,” Tommy started, rubbing the back of his neck nervously, “But now it is permanent I wanted you to hear it from me.” 

“Okay, the suspense is killing me Miller, what’s going on?” 

“Joel is back.” 

You hadn’t realized you’d stopped breathing until you sucked in a shaky breath. Suddenly you couldn’t hear the birds or the running of the stream next to you. All you could hear was the blood pumping in your own ears. Joel. Joel was alive. 

“What do you mean, he’s back?” You asked. 

“He was here over the winter, maybe a week after you arrived but he was gone the next day, so I didn’t think it was worth mentioning, not with your dad and everything, but yeah, he’s back.” 

“Does he know we’re here?” 

Tommy shook his head, “Honestly Sunshine he’s been here less than two days, so we thought we’d let him get settled, but Maria is going to talk to him whilst we’re out here.” 

Tommy had been closed off about Joel since you’d arrived in Jackson. He’d mentioned that they’d run in the same circle for a while until he’d broken off and joined the Fireflies and Joel had ended up in Boston. He’d told you Sarah had died on outbreak day but was vague with the details and that had been about it. You’d not wanted to press for any more information, trying to tell yourself that it wouldn’t help anyway. You’d found one Miller brother, there was a slim chance of finding the other during the end of the world. 

“I can’t believe he’s here.” 

“I have to warn you sunshine,” Tommy began, “He ain’t the same man he was before all this.” 

You nodded, “Are any of us?” 

Tommy chuckled, “I don’t think you’ve changed much at all,” He admitted, “I don’t know how you’ve managed it but you’re still this beacon of joy.”  An involuntary snort left your nose, “I’ve done shitty things to keep myself alive Tommy, shitty things to people who didn’t deserve to have shitty things done them, but if you let that consume you, what’s the point of any of this?” 

“I just don’t want you to be disappointed.” Tommy sighed, rubbing at the back of his neck. 

“Twenty years is a long time when you’re pretty sure someone is dead, I think I mourned for whatever it was we had long ago, so please don’t worry about me Tommy, I’ll be fine.” 

***

Back in Jackson, Joel was sat at the dining table in his new home, Maria sat across from him sipping from a cup of coffee. She’d brought it over for him, something from Tommy’s stash apparently. It was bitter but it had been a long time since he’d tasted his favourite drink so despite it burning down his throat, he followed Maria and took a sip of his own. 

“How are you settling in?” She asked. 

“We’re fine.” 

Maria nodded. She realized Joel didn’t trust her and she understood. If he was going to stay here for good, it would take some time for him to warm up to her. She still couldn’t understand why she had to be the one to tell him what was going on. She had become much closer to you than she could ever see herself becoming to Joel, but Tommy had insisted. Something about the female intuition being better for him in situations like this. 

“Listen, I’m not going to beat around the bush, Tommy wanted me to talk to you about something.” 

“I gathered.” 

Maria sighed, “I don’t really know much about it, but he told me there was someone you knew, before the outbreak. A girl.” 

Joel had been avoiding her eye contact up until this point, but his eyes shot to hers in that moment. Surely, she couldn’t be talking about you. He’d accepted long ago in those first few months that you were gone. Ripped apart by infected or shot by FEDRA before you could get somewhere safe. It was easier that way. Easier to kill you off in his mind so he hadn’t spent the last twenty years of his life mourning not just his daughter but the woman that had made him feel alive for the first time in years. 

“Said you had something going over the summer before all this happened,” He could see she was struggling, “Well anyway, Tommy wanted me to tell you that she’s here, been here a while actually, she and her father arrived probably a week before you rolled in the first time.” 

Joel tried not to let him emotion show but he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Not only had you made it through the end of the world but so had your old man. Of all the people he had expected to find here it hadn’t been either of you. 

“Tommy is talking to her today as well so you both know, we didn’t want you to just run into each other and have the shock of your life, Tommy thought it might bring on some kind of heart attack in you and one baby is enough for us right now, we couldn’t handle Ellie as well.”  He knew she was trying to make light of the situation and under any other circumstance he probably would have laughed but he was having a hard time keeping his panic under control. He tried to ground himself, taking deep breaths into his chest. What would you look like now? Had the years of hardship been kind to you? Would you have fine lines at the edge of your eyes like he’d always imagined you would from all your smiling? Would you have scars? What had you both done to keep each other alive until now? All questions he was dying to ask you, but no. He couldn’t do this. 

Ellie was enough. One person to rely on him. He’d done unspeakable things to get them here and he couldn’t have someone else to rely on him. Someone else to keep safe. Even in the walls of Jackson where you could almost convince yourself the last twenty years hadn’t happened. He couldn’t be the man he wanted to be for you all those years ago. 

“Well, I appreciate you tellin’ me Maria,” He spoke finally, “But that was a long time ago and I got other things to be focusing on now.” 

“Of course,” Maria was standing up to leave, “I best be going, but maybe you should consider bringing Ellie to the bar tonight, it’s been a couple of days and I’m sure the rest of the community would like to meet the new arrivals.” 

He waved her off with a promise they’d think about it, silently knowing he wouldn’t be going. 

“So we’re going right?” He heard Ellie’s voice at the top of the stairs, “I’ve always wanted to go to a bar.”  “What did I tell you about eavesdroppin’?” 

***

You’d been shooting back whiskey since you’d arrived at the bar and it was now settling in your stomach and going straight to your head. Your father was sat opposite you, facing the door. You’d not told him about Joel being here, why you’d kept it to yourself you weren’t sure, but Tommy had explained on the ride back that Maria was going to invite him to the bar that night, get him to do the rounds and meet everyone that he could. 

You’d almost considered staying home, but your father had insisted on bringing you out and you knew if Joel was here to stay you couldn’t avoid him forever. You needed to get this over with as soon as you could. That didn’t stop the dull ache of anxiety settling in your chest. 

Every time the door opened; you’d watch your father’s expression for the telltale sign that it was Joel that had walked in. About an hour ago a flash of recognition had flashed across his face, but it had just been Mr Grady from the house across from yours. They’d had some idle chatter before the rest of Mr Grady’s family had joined you at the table where they’d been sat for a while. 

“Are you okay, sweetheart?” Your father asked. 

“Hmmm?” You hummed in reply. 

“Paul just asked you a question,” He said, pointing to Mr Grady, “And you were miles away.”  “Oh, sorry,” you apologized, “I guess my head is somewhere else tonight, what did you ask?” 

“How was the trail today?”  “It was fine, clear apart from some fallen trees but it won’t take much to clear them, no signs of infected or raiders either.” 

“Good, it’ll be good for the lads to have an easier way to get down every day.” 

You’d nodded, knocking back the last of your whiskey and standing up before the front door creaked open. You almost knew what to expect before you looked to your father who looked almost like he was about to pass out. You turned around, glass in hand and there he was. Joel Miller in all his glory. 

He was still tall and imposing, broad in the shoulders, but his hair and beard had a spattering of grey hair and the expression on his face was hard, cold even. Stood next to him was a girl, surely no older than Sarah would have been when you’d last seen her. She had a look of wonder on her face as she took in the bar, the look of wonder every person who hadn’t been around before had when they saw something from the time before this. 

You’d been fine until Joel’s eyes snapped to yours. Your breath hitched in your throat and the glass you’d been holding fell and smashed on the floor, causing the low chatter to stop around the bar. Everyone was looking at you now, “Sorry.” You muttered, dropping to your knees to pick up the larger pieces of glass, more for a distraction than anything else. 

By the time you’d stood up and sat back down in your seat, Joel was at the bar with Tommy and the young girl. Even with his brother you could tell he was tense. Tommy hadn’t been lying when he said he was different. 

You’d been half listening when your father had explained that the two of you had lived close to Joel and worked together before everything went down, keeping your eyes trained on his back as he gladly accepted a glass of whiskey from Shane behind the bar. Tommy shot you a look over his shoulder whilst Joel took a drink, somewhere between an apology and a questioning look as to whether you were alright. You nodded softly in his direction that you were fine, or as fine as you could be under the circumstances. 

Mr Grady and his family left pretty quickly after that, something about his grandson being out on patrol early, leaving just you and you father at the table. 

“If anyone was gonna survive this thing it was always going to be that man,” Your father mused, sipping the last of his drink, “Just didn’t think he’d ever find this place.” 

You were half listening to him, giving him a nod in reply as you watched Tommy point to your table. You could have sworn Joel shook his head in response, but you wouldn’t bet money on it but then Tommy was pulling the open lapel of his jacket and turning him round, pushing at the small of his back towards your table. 

Within seconds, Tommy, Joel and the nameless girl were stood by your table, and you thought once you might pass out again. The last time you’d seen Joel had been the night before the outbreak. You’d snuck out to wish him a happy birthday which had of course lead to him splitting you open in the back of his truck, pulling three orgasms from you before you’d sucked him off and let him cum down your throat. He’d kissed you goodbye and promised to see you that weekend and that had been the last of it. 

“If it ain’t Joel Miller,” Your father greeted, struggling in his old age to stand from his chair, extending his hand out to him which he took, “Welcome back, you old man.”

“It’s good to see you again,” Joel replied, refusing to look at you, “Of all the people I thought to see here with my brother I’ve gotta admit I didn’t think it would be you.” 

Your father was still standing, using his hands to steady himself on the table, “Can’t say I can take much of the credit, it’s all thanks to this one.” He nodded his head towards you. 

Finally, he was looking at you. You didn’t really know what you’d expected but he was looking at you like he’d never really seen you before, despite knowing the most intimate parts of you and that hurt. 

“Hi Joel,” You greeted quietly, holding out your hand which he took just long enough to give your hand a squeeze before letting you go like he’d been disgusted at touching you, “It’s good to see you again.” 

He stared at you for what felt like forever until the girl next to him piped up in conversation, “So, can I have a drink?” 

“No, you cannot.” Joel was quick answer, “You’re not old enough.” 

“Dude, c’mon, it’s the fuckin’ apocalypse, just a little one.” 

“Ellie, I said no.” 

She looked like she was going to challenge him for a second but decided against it, then she looked to you, “How do you guys know each other?” 

You went to open your mouth but your father cut in, “We used to work together, started my business and these guys came along to help with everything, and my girl here used to look after Joel’s daughter in the evenings before she went off to study.” 

You watched Joel tense when your father mentioned Sarah, twenty years was never enough time to get over losing your first born.  

“I’m Ellie, nice to meet you.” She directed in your direction. 

You smiled warmly at her, you already liked this girl, whoever she was to Joel, “It’s lovely to meet you, Ellie.” 

“Well, it’s been good to see you Joel, hopefully we’ll see you both around a bit more, but I think it’s time for this one to get me home.” 

Silently thanking your father for saving you anymore embarrassment you quickly put your jacket on, rounding the table to loop your arm in his to escort him home. He was perfectly capable of doing it all on his own, but the two of you liked to be as close to each other as possible since his scare in the snow and after years of him looking after you it was only right you were starting to repay the favour now. 

“Goodnight.” You spoke softly to Joel as you walked past him, stopping a few seconds near Tommy to agree to help him with something the following day before leaving. 

***

Later that night, when Joel had finally gone to bed his mind was racing. He and Ellie had stayed just long enough at the bar to not seem rude before he made his excuse and took them both home. She’d gone up the stairs to her room leaving him at the kitchen table with bottle of whiskey Tommy had given him from his stash. 

You hadn’t really changed at all. You’d aged, but even during the end of the fucking world you’d managed to do it gracefully. The smile lines he’d drawn in his mind were exactly where he’d thought they’d be, your hair had a small spattering of greys in it and there was a scar that sliced through your top lip which told him however you’d managed to survive it hadn’t been easy. But you were still you, with those big, beautiful eyes he’d remembered and your soft voice that could have begged him for anything and he’d have given it to you. 

He certainly wasn’t the same man, not the man you’d wanted all those years ago on his back porch in the heat. He was old, damaged and had more emotional baggage now than he had back then. He knew he had to stay away from you, he couldn’t allow himself to give into what he really wanted because he knew, deep down, that he would fail. He couldn’t be the romantic man he’d been before, lying you down and spending hours pulling sounds of pleasure from you in his bed, wishing that he could take you out and hold your hand for everyone to see but knowing he couldn’t. 

Things were very different now and that would just mean having to keep his distance, he couldn’t risk another attachment, Ellie was enough for him. If only he’d known that a few streets over you were lying in your bed thinking the exact opposite, thinking about how you could get as close to him as possible and rekindle what you’d had, then he’d have known it was all over before it had even begun. 

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#Joel Miller #Pedro Pascal #The Last Of Us #The Last Of Us HBO #tlou #thou HBO #Joel Miller Smut #Joel Miller fic #Joel Miller fanfic #joel miller fanfiction #Joel Miller x reader #Joel Miller x you #Joel miller x female reader #Joel miller x f!reader #TWYMM #Joel miller Pedro pascal

[thetriumphantpanda]

The Way You Miss Me | Joel Miller (Chapter Five)

You put your plan into action - in order to get closer to Joel, you have to get close to Ellie. The home truths that come out as a result aren't at all what you wanted though.

Pairing | Joel Miller x Female Reader

Word Count | 3K

Warnings | Angst and pining, mentions of death and origin story of readers scar which involves a knife but nothing else.

Authors Note | This one flew out of my fingers like lightening so I hope you enjoy it! Would love to hear your thoughts so leave comments, like or reblog or pop on over to my ask box if you fancy it! Also not me deadass writing in one of my favourite bands, shoutout to any of my fellow elder emo's out there. The shame of the outbreak is that these guys never got to jam along to Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge or Misery Business..... This fic is actually loosely based on an All Time Low song from their new album, if you wanted to listen you can find it here - listen and watch out for nods to the lyrics in the dialogue here!

It had been a week since the awkward encounter at the bar with Joel and you were frustrated that you hadn’t had the opportunity to speak with him. You’d been watching him from afar, he’d been in the stables one day getting himself assigned a horse so that he could start heading out on patrol. He’d spent an evening at The Tipsy Bison with Tommy, the only acknowledgement was a swift nod of his head towards the table you shared with your father but that was only because Tommy had hit him on the arm, mouthing for him not to be rude. You’d watched him walk down the street past your home a few times, watching from the window and wishing it had been your home he was coming to. The one constant in all of it? The little girl. Ellie was attached to him like a barnacle to a whale, he was never without her, and you’d bet your bottom dollar (If you had any) that the key to getting closer to Joel was that little girl. 

“Can I ask you a question?” You asked Tommy one day whilst you were helping him repair some fencing around the outer wall. 

“You just did, but sure thing Sunshine.” 

“Do you know much about Ellie?” Your tried to keep your tone as nonchalant as possible, but the grin on Tommy’s face suggested he knew exactly where you were going with this. 

“I’ve gotta be honest Joel’s kept her to himself mostly,” He shrugged, picking up his hammer to beat some nails into the wood you were holding still for him, “She’s a firecracker, swears like a sailor and is the only person I’ve ever seen make Joel laugh since the world went to shit.” 

You hummed in understanding, “You know about the things she likes to do?” 

“I think you’re treading a very thin line here.” He warned. 

“I’m not trying to do anything Tommy,” You spoke defensively, “She follows him around like a lost puppy, I’ve not seen her make any friends, I just wanted to try and do something nice for her to make her feel welcome.” 

Tommy sighed, “Space,” He replied simply, “Joel said she liked space, wanted to be an astronaut or something like that, and she's attached to that Walkman like it's her lifeline,” He was focusing on not hitting his fingers with the hammer, “Maria actually put aside a box of things she thought she might like, with the baby she hasn’t had time to take it over, but maybe if you drop back with me later you can drop it off for us?” 

“Sounds good,” You responded, “Will he be there?” 

Tommy smirked, “No, he’s on evening patrol on the fence tonight so nothing to worry about.” 

“I’m not worried Tommy.” 

“Sure, that’s why your nails are bitten down and you’ve been chewing at your lips since he arrived,” Your eyes widened, he was always the more astute of the brothers, “You used to do that before, when you were worried about things.” 

“Well like I said, I’m not worried about anything.” You mumbled. 

“Whatever you say, Sunshine,” He winked at you, “I finished hammering that about five minutes ago, you can let go now.” 

*** 

The box was heavy in your arms – you silently cursed Maria for filling it up so much, what was even in here? You could see a few books on the top and an empty notepad and there was some material at the bottom that could only be clothing. You thanked the Gods for not allowing the bottom to drop out of it, setting it down on the porch before knocking on the door of the house Tommy had pointed at when you were walking back to his. 

It took a while for someone to answer, but the door was eventually ripped open, and Ellie was stood in front of you, trying to catch her breath. 

“Oh hey,” She greeted, “Joel’s not here.” 

“Lucky me, because I’m actually here to see you,” You smiled, tapping the cardboard box on the floor with your foot, “Maria sent me over with a few things she thought you might like.” 

Ellie bent down to pick it up but you beat her to it, “It’s heavy, let me bring it inside for you.” 

She smiled and moved in the doorway to let you pass. The inside of their home was exactly as you’d imagine it to be, it wasn’t that much different to how yours had been when you moved in. Simple and bare save for the few pieces of furniture, a coffee mug was sat on the table near the kitchen – if Joel was half he man he had been before that would be his, half full of coffee that he’d drunk before leaving for patrol. 

“You can set it down on the table.” Ellie directed, which you did, taking hold of the coffee cup to find it was exactly how you’d imagined, half full of coffee which was still slightly warm, Joel had left recently. 

You watched as Ellie started going through the box, taking out the books to read the back of them before setting them down and investigating the clothes, seemingly happy with what Maria had chosen. 

“I hope you don’t mind but I brought you something too,” You spoke quietly, fishing around in your jacket pocket before pulling out a CD, “I don’t know if it’s your sort of music, but I’ve seen you with your Walkman around town and though you’d like something different to listen to.” 

She took the CD gratefully, “Foo Fighters, what kinda name is that?” 

You giggled, “You know they were actually pretty good, I listened to them all the time before all this, trust me.” 

“You sure you don’t wanna keep it?” Ellie asked, trying to pass it back to you. 

“I don’t have anything to listen to it on, so it’s all yours, I wanna know what you think of it though.” You gave her a smile and a wink. 

“Thanks,” She said, “This is actually super cool.” 

You knew you couldn’t linger too long here; you didn’t want to outstay your welcome and make Ellie feel uncomfortable. You wanted to do something nice for her so she would tell Joel. Then you’d be front and center in his mind. He might even thank you himself and surely that meant opening a conversation with him. Baby steps, you kept telling yourself. 

“You’re welcome,” You reached out and squeezed her shoulder, “And if you ever need anything else you can always ask me, I know how hard it can be to settle here after being… out there.” 

Ellie nodded at you, and you excused yourself, heading home and hoping you’d planted a big enough seed to grow. 

***

The next morning, as Joel was setting breakfast on the table for Ellie before she went to school, the seed started to bloom. 

“Your girlfriend came round last night.” 

“Excuse me?” 

“You know that woman you knew from before, the one we met at the bar?” 

“Ellie, she ain’t my girlfriend,” Ellie shrugged at Joel’s answer, shoveling eggs into her mouth, “What was she doin’ here?” 

“Bought some box of stuff Maria set aside for me,” She said with her mouth full, earning a glare from Joel at her table manners, “She bought me this awesome CD as well, did you ever hear of the Foo Fighters?” 

Joel nodded, trying not to remember that the only reason he did was because you had insisted on keeping that damn CD in his truck – it had been the background noise to most of your evening escapades when you couldn’t be in his bed. It wasn’t his particular cup of tea, but he had always liked watching you out of the corner of his eye as he drove you to your spot, tapping your fingers on the side of the car and singing along when the moment took you. 

“Well, I hope you said thank you.” Joel grumbled, drinking the last of his coffee, “Now come on, you’ll be late.” 

As Joel stood on the porch and watched Ellie walk down the street to school he cursed you. Cursed you for being the sweet little girl he always remembered and making Ellie happy, because now he’d have to seek you out and thank you himself. Running a hand over his face he resolved to do it today, better to get it over with instead of dwelling on things. 

***

You were bent over the bench in the tool shed taking inventory when a knock at the door pulled you from your counting. Tommy had asked you to take stock of what materials were left after you’d repaired the fence the previous day and although it was giving you a headache it was distracting work, having to concentrate on something that wasn’t Joel. 

“Come in!” You called, not looking up from the pile of nails you were counting, you scribbled the number you’d already counted to on a slip of paper, dropping the rest back in the tub to continue counting later. 

Turning around, Joel was leant on the doorframe, arms crossed over his chest. In the daylight and up close he was just as devastating as he’d been all those years ago. You silently willed the giddy feeling in your bones to go away. 

“Not interrupting anything am I?” He asked, nodding his head towards the bench. 

“Not at all, it’s a welcome break actually, only so many nails you can count before you go insane,” You laughed, hoping he would do the same, but his face was as stoic as ever, “Do you need something?” 

He let out a sigh, “I just wanted to say thank you for what you did for Ellie yesterday, she’s been through a lot, and this is an adjustment to say the least, so thank you.” 

You smiled at him, “You’re welcome,” you replied simply, “I’ve seen her wandering around with that Walkman attached to her so figured she could use something new to listen to,” You started rambling now, “I can’t even believe I managed to find it, it was just hanging out in some old store we stumbled through a few years back and all I could think about what how we used to listen to it in your truck when you’d….” Your eyes went wide as you stopped yourself from finishing your sentence, this wasn’t how you wanted this to go, “Sorry.” You mumbled, looking down from his eyes to your fingers where you set to work worrying at a bit of loose skin. 

“It’s alright,” He spoke, “If I’m bein’ honest it’s exactly what I thought about when she showed me last night.” 

“Oh,” You exclaimed, snapping your eyes up to him, “Have you thought about me much?” 

“Darlin’,” He spoke softly, “It’s best not to talk about it, I don’t want to upset you.” 

You nodded, “That means no then right?” You replied, “Because if you had you would have said because that would have made me happy, saying you don’t want to upset me means you didn’t.” 

“It was easier that way,” He admitted softly, “Convincing myself you were gone.” 

“Wish I could say the same,” You shrugged, “Was there anyone else?” 

You didn’t know where all this was coming from and you were half expecting him to tell you to shut your mouth and mind your own business, but to your surprise he answered, “There was one woman, her name was Tess, it wasn’t…” He trailed off, trying to find the right words, “It just made sense, we ran in the same circle, and I guess we just helped distract each other sometimes.” 

“Understandable.” You replied simply, itching to get yourself out of the conversation now. 

“What about you, was there anyone else?” 

You laughed, “Travelling across country trying to keep my dad alive isn’t really conducive to that sort of thing, so no Joel, there was no-one else,” He nodded in understanding but didn’t move to speak again, “I should really get back to this.” You mused, pointing to the bench. 

“Of course, sorry for takin’ up your time, and thank you again, Ellie really did appreciate it.” 

Joel left without another word, closing the door quietly behind him and all the frustration you’d felt came tumbling out. Angry tears pricked at your eyes at your stupidity that he’d have thought about you at all. You were only ever the stupid little girl with her stupid little crush and the moment he had the opportunity to forget you he did. Of course he did. You wiped at your cheeks furiously, willing your emotions to get themselves in check so you could go back to work, but for the rest of the day you’d catch yourself in your melancholy, tears threatening to fall and your mind completely distracted. This was not how this was supposed to go at all. 

***

“You should have seen his face!” Your father roared at the table, “White as a ghost when I woke up.” 

You weren’t sure how you’d made it here but you were sat at a table in The Tipsy Bison with your father and Tommy, along with Joel and Ellie, whilst your father recounted stories of your survival, telling them with an enthusiasm that would rival a war veteran speaking about their time in the forces. He was currently going through the motions of explaining how you’d made it to Jackson and how he thought Tommy was going to pass out when he realized it was the both of you he’d rescued. 

You’d mostly kept quiet, only popping into the conversation to correct him when he got something wrong. Otherwise you kept your focus on the glass of whiskey in front of you that Tommy was keeping topped up with the bottle he’d bought from the bar for you all. 

“How’d you get that scar on your face?” You looked up at Ellie, everyone else looking at her in horror for being so blunt. 

“Ellie, don’t be so nosey.” Joel chastised her. 

“It’s alright,” You shrugged, “It’s pretty lame actually, we’d shut ourselves in a house a few years ago trying to hide from a pack of infected, not realizing someone else had the same idea. I was looking out the window to see if we had a clear route out when I heard someone shuffling behind me. I turned around and by the time I realized what was happening he’d slashed the knife on my face.” 

“Did you kill him?” 

“Ellie!” Both Tommy and Joel burst out at the same time. 

You chuckled, realizing you probably shouldn’t encourage her questions, but replied anyway, “In a way I guess I did, we had a bit of a struggle and he tripped and fell out of the window, it was a tall building so yeah, he died.” 

“That’s cool.” 

You shrugged, looking around the table to see that everyone was willing the conversation to move elsewhere, you were itching to know more about how Joel and Ellie had come to be together aside from the snippets Tommy had told you, but you didn’t think this would be the right place to ask. Instead, you fished a cigarette out of your jacket pocket, shoving it between your lips and excusing yourself. 

You were halfway through it, leaning against the railing outside the bar when you felt someone come up behind you and lean themselves down next to you, “Never thought I’d see the day when you turned to those.” 

“Well, I’m not surprised if you spent the last twenty years convincing yourself I was dead,” You shrugged at Joel, as always, alcohol emboldening your tone, “I’ve gotta die of something and I’d rather these than being torn apart limb from limb or sprouting mushrooms from my face.” You punctuated the end of your sentence with a long drag of your smoke, blowing it out into the cool night. 

“How do you always do that?” He asked. 

“Do what?” You raised an eyebrow at him. 

“Make anything seem funny,” He offered, “The world’s gone to shit, everyone we’ve ever really cared for is dead and yet here you are, joking like we’re back to the days before.” 

 “It’s the only way I don’t focus on all the shitty things I’ve done to get here.” 

It was silent between you for a moment. You could have sworn you saw Joel move his hand as if he was going to place it reassuringly on your arm like he always did but he didn’t, even if your head was screaming at him to do it, just to breech the barrier he had up between the two of you. 

“Can I say something?” You asked after a moment. 

He nodded, “I don’t want to step out of line, but I just wanted to say I’m really sorry about Sarah,” You could see him physically tense next to you, “You don’t have to tell me what happened, in fact, it’s probably best you don’t but… I liked her Joel; she was a good kid and she didn’t deserve what happened to her and I’m sorry you had to go through that.” 

“I hate the way you miss me.” He mumbled. 

You looked him dead in the eye for the first time, “I don’t hate the way I miss you,” You spoke honestly, “I think it’s the only thing that kept me alive sometimes, thinking about the chance to see you again, hold your hand or kiss you.” 

He sighed, “You can’t stand there and say that,” He spoke roughly, “With your big eyes beggin’ me to be the man you deserve, I couldn’t be that before all of this and I certainly can’t be that for you now,” and then finally, “We can’t keep doin’ this.” 

You nodded, stubbing out your cigarette and throwing it to the ground in front of the bar, “Understood,” You spoke, giving him a final glance, “Goodnight Joel.” 

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#Joel Miller #Pedro Pascal #The Last Of Us #The Last Of us HBO #Joel Miller smut #joel miller fic #joel miller fanfiction #Joel Miller fanfic #Joel Miller x you #Joel Miller x reader #Joel Miller x female reader #Joel Miller x f!reader #the last of us fanfiction #Joel Miller Pedro Pascal #TWYMM

[thetriumphantpanda]

The Way You Miss Me | Joel Miller (Chapter Six)

You take Joel and Ellie to the lake so she can finally learn how to swim. It's domestic and fun, but all good things have to come to an end and how can Joel ever thank you for what you did for him when everything goes wrong on the walk back to Jackson?

Pairing | Joel Miller x Female Reader

Word Count | 4.5K (I got carried away, I can't help it with these two)

Warnings | Canon-typical violence, mentions of knives and guns, mentions of blood, alcohol consumption, smoking, some allusions to body dysmorphia and changing with age act, and finally SOME FLUFF. SOME FLUFF FOR THESE TWO.

Authors Note | I'm honestly obsessed with these two. This chapter flew out of my fingers and I really hope you like it! Please let me know what you think, either through comments, asks or reblogs, and if you like what you read here, consider following - I'd love to have you along for the ride.

Series Masterlist / Main Masterlist

It had been a few weeks since Joel and Ellie’s arrival back in Jackson. Since the night at the bar, you’d tried to keep your distance from Joel, realizing that if anything was ever to happen between you again it would have to be on his terms, you couldn’t force his hand like you had been planning to before. He’d become a little more relaxed, not quite like the feral cat on high alert all the time, and the two of them had taken to sitting with you and your father at the Tipsy Bison when they dropped in, usually with Tommy in tow. It had been nice, you could almost convince yourself you were right back in Austin, apart from the fact that Joel’s eyes didn’t trail up and down your body like they used to, begging to get you somewhere private. 

Part of you wondered if it was to do with the fact that you weren’t the bright eyed 25-year-old anymore. You had fine lines and the beginning of wrinkles on your forehead and some of your hair was greying. After years of scavenging for food and getting by on the bare minimum, the abundance of food in Jackson, the freshly made stews and fresh bread, was filling your figure out – you’d even had to trade for a bigger pair of jeans a few days ago. Maybe it was simply that he didn’t find you attractive anymore and had nothing to do with whatever had happened before he found his way here. 

“It’s getting warmer,” Tommy had commented one evening, “Won’t be long until we can take trips to the lake for swimming.” 

“Swimming?” Ellie had perked up, taking her eyes off the glass of juice she was drinking, “Joel you have to teach me!” 

He smiled then and it was something you’d realized you’d missed, his face always so dark and brooding, “I will kiddo, I promise.” 

“But we have to do it before everyone starts going,” She said, “I need to be able to swim with everyone else.” 

“It’s probably not so cold anymore,” You offered, “I went out on the trail a week ago and it was warm enough to dip my feet into.” 

Joel looked to you and then back at Ellie, “I don’t have patrol tomorrow, maybe I can take you out.” 

“Make sure you take someone with you,” Tommy insisted, “We haven’t had a chance to properly scope it out for infected or raiders yet.” 

“I’ll go,” You offered, “Like I said I went last week so I can keep an eye out and maybe take a dip myself.” 

“That’s awful nice of you but you…” Joel started but Tommy interrupted. 

“This’ll be good for you Sunshine,” He smiled, clearly referencing that you’d struggled to find your role here so far, “Maybe get a taste of patrols and we can get you on the rota.” 

You smiled back, not wanting to give away that if you never held another gun in your life, it wouldn’t be too soon, but you really did feel the need to start pulling your weight, “How about you both meet me at the front gate tomorrow morning after breakfast and we’ll get going?” You smiled at Ellie mostly, “It’ll take a few hours hike so by lunchtime the water might have warmed up a bit more.” 

With an agreement to meet at the front gates once the breakfast service was over, you all bid each other goodnight, Ellie and Joel disappearing first as you said goodnight to Tommy, him telling you to come to him in the morning so he could make sure you had the right weapons and then you helping your father to walk home. 

*

The trail was relatively calm, the sun was shaded through the trees which made the heat manageable, and it was always a small joy for you to be able to hear the birds through the silence. Ellie and Joel were a few steps ahead of you, his arms were moving as he was speaking to her although you couldn’t quite make out what they were talking about. It was the most animated you’d seen him since… before. 

You were trying to keep your distance, realizing you were only there as an extra pair of hands, not wanting to disturb what was obviously precious bonding time. Joel had always loved hikes like this, you’d been on a few with him and Sarah on the odd weekend when your dad had been tied up with work, it had been nice, but now, with a rifle strapped to your back and your handgun at your thigh, there was no denying this was different. 

You hung back as much as possible as Joel and Ellie headed down the hill to the lake. It was a beautiful area and you smiled as you watched Ellie see if for the first time and lose her mind, Joel letting out a little chuckle at her excitement. 

“This place is fucking awesome!” She exclaimed as you joined them at the bottom of the hill. 

“Ellie, what’d I tell you about your language.” Joel chastised, looking in your direction. 

“You don’t gotta worry about me,” You shrugged, “You know every other word outta my mouth used to be a curse word.” 

You set your pack and your rifle against one of the larger stones along the shore, unstrapping your handgun from your thigh, and then resting against the stone, “You guys hop in, it’s shallow right here but gets deeper the further out you go,” You advised, “I’ll keep an eye here.” 

You sat on the shore for a few hours, letting the sun warm your face as you watched Joel take Ellie through the basics of swimming. She was a fast learner form the glances you were taking, first came the lesson in letting yourself float, then he taught her to tread water. Once you were sure the sounds of her laughter and the splashing weren’t attracting any infected or people to the shore and you were confident she wasn’t going to drown, you stood and shucked off your clothes behind the rock. Maria had handed you the one-piece in an old box a few months back, laughing that one day you might be able to make use of it. 

Peering out from behind the rock, Joel’s back was turned, focusing on teaching Ellie the beginnings of a breaststroke. You dashed as quickly as you could into the water, trying to keep the slight shriek of surprise at the cold water against your skin to yourself and then fully submerged yourself in the water. You came up and slicked the hair back from your face, letting yourself float on the top of the water for a moment before settling your feet back down to the bottom. 

When you stood, with just the top of your shoulders out of the water, you could see Ellie taking little breaststrokes away from Joel and then around back to him. The look on his face was full on proud dad and you couldn’t help but let the swell of happiness in your tummy for him. You hate to imagine what those years were like after Sarah, from the information you’d gleaned from Tommy it had been messy and dark, but looking at these two in their little found family made your emotions tighten in your chest. 

“Why don’t you try swimming over there?” Joel asked, pointing towards you. 

You smiled and reached your hands out towards her, you weren’t far away, just enough to challenge her. Ellie looked to Joel, who simply nodded his head towards you. You kept your eyes on her the whole time she swam towards you, shouting words of encouragement as she went and before you know it, she was clasping onto your outstretched hands, laughing in delight as you pulled her upwards. She turned around and kept her hands on yours to keep her head up out of the water, legs kicking, sometimes against your own, to continue treading water. 

“Holy shit, Joel did you see?!” She called back, “I fucking swam!” 

“Well done kiddo,” He called, “Proud of you.” 

If anyone was looking in on this, you would swear they’d thought you were family and, in this moment, you felt something blooming in your chest. The little girl in front of you was obviously Joel’s world, pulling him out from the darkness that had taken hold of him in the years previous and he’d actively invited you into this moment with them, whether he knew it or not. You realized then, without knowing her all that well, that you would protect this little girl with your life if it meant keeping Joel as happy as he was in this moment. 

“You wanna swim back?” You asked quietly to her, giving a reassuring squeeze to both hands. 

“I’m kinda cold,” She replied, “But I’ll swim to shore?” 

“Off you go then.” You smiled, letting her hands go as she did her slow swim back to dry land. 

Once you’d made sure she was out of the water and drying herself off, you dunked yourself under the water again, emerging to Joel who had swum over. Popping up from the water you almost crashed into his chest he was so close. Realising how close you both were to each other, you both stepped back, like you’d been burned by each other. 

“Sorry,” He spoke sheepishly, “I couldn’t see where you were.” 

“It’s alright,” You smiled, “My own fault for closing my eyes. 

“Thanks for that,” He offered, “It’s was real nice of you, it’s still takin’ some time for her to settle so thank you for always bein’ so nice to her.” 

You shrugged, “It’s alright Joel, I can see how much she means to you, I’m just glad she’s finally getting a chance at some kind of normal life.” 

“Are you two coming?” Ellie shouted from the shore, already dried and dressed. 

You shot Joel a quick smile before swimming back to shore. The air was cold on your wet skin as you dashed behind the rock, fishing your towel out of your pack to wrap it around your body. Once you were dry, dressed and had your weapons strapped back where they needed to be, you came out from behind the rock to find Joel and Ellie in a similar state. You pushed down the flood of arousal that pooled in your stomach at Joel’s slicked back wet hair and the sight of his forearms which were on show from his pushed-up shirt sleeves. 

“There’s a shortcut back to Jackson if we go this way,” You pointed down the shore in the opposite direction that you’d arrived in, “Less hills for my old knees, if that’s okay?” 

“Between your knees and his back I’m starting to wonder if I’m in good hands or not.” Ellie chuckled, but 

The walk back was pleasant. The breeze was picking up and every time it touched the wet hair on your head you would shiver, goosebumps appearing over your arms. Ellie had taken to walking next to you, Joel just a beat behind. 

“What did you do before all this?” She asked. 

“I was at school, I’d just started studying for my master’s degree in history when this all went down,” You smiled at her, “All seems pretty useless now, all that money on an education that’s no use to anyone.” 

“At least you got to choose what you wanted to learn, FEDRA school was the worst,” She moaned, “So go on, best historical nugget of information you got?” 

You chuckled, thinking for a moment, “My favourite is probably Wojtek the bear,” You smirked, looking down at her, “He was bought as a cub by Polish soldiers in Iran during World War Two and they made him an army Corporal in order for him to get rations so they could feed him, apparently he liked to drink beer and walk on his hind legs just like the soldiers did.”

“You’re fucking with me.” Ellie laughed. 

“I’m being dead serious,” You matched her laugh, noticing Joel was chuckling a little behind you, “I’m going to trawl the books in the library to prove it to you.” 

 You all continued the trail in silence for a while. You were soaking up the feeling of the sun on your face when a branch snapping off to the side of you stopped you dead in your tracks. Ellie continued walking as did Joel, passing you, but turned around when he realized you weren’t following. 

He went to open his mouth to ask something, but you pressed a finger to your lips to hush him, listening out for any other sounds. You were just about to carry on down the trail when the telltale clicking hit your ears. 

It was almost like everything happened in slow motion. A single clicker emerged from the forest, ambling aimlessly until Joel moved and snapped another twig under his boot. The clicker turned and let out the horrible screeching sound before he was rushing towards Joel. The screech it let out then revealed two more who came running and clicking from the trees. Thankfully Joel was quick enough to stick a knife into the clickers neck, throwing it to the ground where it let out a pathetic sound as it died. 

The other two were rushing towards you. You whipped your handgun from its strap on your thigh, firing two shots into the one closer to you, buying you enough time to grab the knife from your boot to give the second one a similar end to Joel’s. You almost relaxed until a scream hit your ears. 

You whipped your head around. Ellie was on the ground, fighting a clicker of her own. It had her pinned the floor and she was struggling with her hands around its neck to keep it from tearing the flesh of her face or neck, whichever it reached first. 

“Ellie no!” You screamed, rushing forward without thinking. 

You managed to kick the clicker off her, booting it with so much force it almost flew before landing on its back. You didn’t give it enough time to get back up. Without thinking, you were straddling it, shoving your knife right into the center of its face repeatedly until you were sure it was dead. 

Once it had stopped moving and making sounds you pulled your knife out, wiping it on your shirt before standing from its body. You sheathed the knife back to where it lived and put your hands on your knees to catch your breath. 

When you stood up and turned around, you saw Ellie, pushed up on her elbows looking at you with wild eyes, “Are you okay?” You asked her, putting out your hand for her to take so you could drag her to her feet. 

“I’m fine.” Was all she managed to get out. 

“No bites?” You asked. 

“No bites.” She confirmed. 

Then you turned to Joel. He was still stood by the body of the first click, hand trained on the gun like he’d be poised to shoot at the one that had pinned Ellie to the ground. His eyes matched Ellie’s but there was an added depth to them that you’d seen before in various people who had joined you and your father on your journey to get to where you were. Failure. 

“We need to get a move on,” You spoke simply, “Shouldn’t have fired the fucking gun, any others out there won’t be fair behind.” 

*

The three of you practically sprinted back to Jackson. You could feel blood drying on your face and the smell of whatever those things smelt like was seeping into you. You needed a fucking shower and a drink. That had been too close for you. 

Tommy was working the gate that afternoon and signaled for them to open the gate as he saw you coming. He could obviously sense something was wrong at the way you were all barreling towards the gate and rushed down to meet you as you crossed the threshold to safety. 

“What is God’s name happened to you?!” Tommy exclaimed, pointing towards your blood-soaked clothes. 

“Fucking clickers.” You replied simple, “Bunch of them jumped us on the way down from the lake.” 

“Jesus Christ, is everyone okay?” He looked to Joel and Ellie who both nodded. 

“I need a fucking drink and a shower.” You spat, thrusting the rifle into Tommy’s hands before turning on your heel. 

The water was scalding. You almost cried with relief as the water flowed over you. You watched as the blood washed down the plughole and felt as your hands shook as you raked them through your hair to wash the soap suds from your head. Panic was rising in your chest as your mind replayed the image of Ellie on the floor and the look in Joel’s eyes. If you’d been a few seconds slower things could be much different, Joel had already lost one daughter and although Ellie wasn’t blood you knew that losing her would be the same pain for him. You couldn’t stand to let him go through that again. 

Despite the slightly warmer climate, you dressed yourself in the biggest jumper you owned, hoping it would act as a comfort to stop your body from shivering. 

“I’m going to head to the Bison,” You father stated when you walked back down the stairs, he hadn’t asked questions when you’d barreled through the door covered in blood and guts, just pulled you into a hug and told you everything would be okay, “Would you like to join me?” 

You shook your head, “I think I’d like to be alone for a while.” 

He nodded in understanding, pressing a kiss to the top of your head as he shuffled out of the door, leaving you alone once more, with nothing but a bottle of the good whiskey Tommy had given you as a moving in gift. Your poured yourself a generous double and lit a cigarette in the house, something you’d never normally do. 

The light had faded fast, darkness now enveloping your home, but you couldn’t bring yourself to turn on the light, it would illuminate too much. The rage you’d felt as you plunged the knife into that clickers face was the same rage you’d felt when you’d stabbed the girl who had tried to steal your supplies three years ago. You’d pushed her up against a wall and she’d begged for forgiveness, she didn’t see the light of the fire or hear the slow chatter between you and your father and thought the box had been abandoned. You’d sunk the knife into her stomach and watched as the life drained from her eyes. She couldn’t have been more than twenty, but what did that matter anymore? 

The fear you’d felt was the same as the fear you’d felt when you’d come back from hunting, rabbits strung to your backpack and found your father tied up in the house and a group of raiders beating him. You couldn’t lose him; you couldn’t face this world on your own. What would be the point of carrying on if the one man who had stayed constant in your life was gone? You’d shot one point blank in the head, the other two received a similar end. Once he was untied and you knew his injuries would heal, you’d cried in his lap from fear of the person you’d become. 

There was a knock at your door as you shot back your fourth glass. Maybe if you sat still for long enough whoever it was on the other side would get the hint, but they knocked again. Standing up on shaky legs, you walked to the door and tore it open, about to give whoever it was a piece of your mind. It was Joel. All thought of telling him off was gone and immediately you felt the tension drop a notch from your body. 

“Are you okay?” Was the first thing he asked. 

“I’m fine Joel,” You stated, “Are you okay?” 

He shook his head to say no, and you could already see the glassy overlay in his eyes, “I don’t know how to thank you.” He choked out. 

You tried to find the words in your mind to comfort him, but nothing came to you. Instead, you stepped over the threshold and put your arms around his neck, pulling him into a hug. It was the closest you’d been to him since before and all of a sudden, when you closed your eyes and breathed in his scent, you could almost convince yourself you were 25 and back in Austin. You felt his own arms wrap around your back and squeeze you to him, silencing your mind from asking him whether this was okay. You stayed wrapped up together for what felt like hours before his arms dropped and he was pulling away from you. 

“That girl,” He started, “Means more to me than anyone will ever know, after everything she’s been through, everything I’ve done to keep her safe, to lose her like that would have killed me,” You’d never heard Joel speak so honestly before, “I could see it, in my head, the way it was going to tear her neck open and the way she would’a looked at me as she bled out,” He was crying now, “I was too slow, I had that gun ready and pointed but it was all too slow.” 

“Joel,” You cooed at him, placing a reassuring hand on his arm, “She’s fine. She’ll be okay.” 

“But she wasn’t!” He exclaimed, “If you hadn’t been there, we’d both be dead.” 

“You don’t know that,” You tried to comfort him, “You don’t know what would have happened if I wasn’t there, things could have been different, maybe they wouldn’t have appeared, you just can’t put the blame on yourself like that.” 

There was silence between you for a while, “This place is safe Joel, sure the world outside of it is fucked beyond all recognition, but this place is safe and this community has your back, it was dumb of us to go without a full scouting party, but they’ll find the rest of the infected and they’ll get rid of them,” You gave his arm another squeeze, “You have to stop surviving and start living.” 

“I’m sorry I put you in that position.” He speaks softly, looking at you through the haze in his eyes. 

“That’s the whole reason I went with you Joel, to keep an eye out and keep you safe, it was a close call I’ll admit but I managed it,” You reassured him, “I’ve done much worse than stab a clicker in the face a few times.” 

“And I hate that,” He admits, “I hate that this world has done that to you, made you do things you didn’t want to, you of all people have never deserved that.” 

“I hate it too,” You shrug, leaning against the doorframe, “But there’s something about this that makes it all worth it, sure I’ve killed my fair share of people but the fact that I can sit on an actual couch, take a warm shower and wait out my days with the people I’ve loved the most in life, the death and the blood and the hatred has all been worth it.” 

You didn’t really register what was happening next. Joel took a step forward, cupping your face in his palms, you looked up into his brown eyes, still bloodshot from his tears, as his face inched closer to yours. His lips pressed against yours softly and it was like your whole world had ignited in flames. You’d waiting twenty years to kiss him again, to feel his hands on your face and have his scent overwhelming you. It was over far too quickly for your liking. 

“I thought you said we couldn’t do this?” You murmured softly. 

“That was before you saved my girl,” He breathed back, “Now I wanna give you the world darlin’ girl.” 

Tears threatened to fall from your eyes at his words. It was all so overwhelming. The man who you’d loved all those years ago, the man that you knew you loved now. A kiss that you thought would never happen and that damned fucking nickname that had arousal pooling in your stomach. 

You pushed yourself up on your toes to press your lips back to his, wrapping your arms around his neck as his tongue ran over your lower lip. You opened your mouth for him and then your tongues were tangled, the memories of the last time you’d been like this causing a quiet moan to erupt from your throat. 

A cough from behind Joel had him tearing away from you and stepping back to reveal your father, stood at the bottom of the steps to the porch. 

“If you could let my daughter go long enough for me to get into the house, I’d be very grateful.” There was cheeky smirk on his face that made the words a joke, but you couldn’t help the burn of the blush on your cheeks as you stepped out of the doorway to help him into the house, closing the door behind him. 

“I should really get back,” Joel spoke softly, rubbing the back of his neck, “Ellie was takin’ a nap and I don’t want her to wake up on her own.” 

You smiled, “Of course, I better go in and get a telling off.” 

“At least he’s not likely to kill me now.” 

“I wouldn’t let him,” You laughed, stepping forward to press a kiss to his cheek, “Goodnight Joel.” 

“Goodnight, darlin’ girl.” 

You watched as he walked away, a smile creeping across your face like a teenager who just got asked to prom by their crush. You softly closed the door behind you, leaning against the door with the smile permanently plastered to your mouth. 

“I knew the whole time, you know?” Your eyes shot to your father, stood in the middle of the room. 

“You’re lying.” 

“I’m not,” He chuckled, “I saw the way you looked at him, all those times where it would take you forever to come out to the car after babysitting, not to mention the fact that you were hopeless at closing the front door quietly.” 

“I thought you’d kill us if you knew.” 

Another chuckle, “He was a good man, he is a good man, after all the idiots you’d dated he brought out the best in you, even if you didn’t realise it, I wasn’t going to get in the way of that, I was waiting for the awkward conversation with the two of you, was gonna make it real uncomfortable for both of you, kinda sad I can’t do that now.” 

“Well, I mean you still could?” You offered. 

“Honey, you are forty-five years old now, we’re far beyond that,” He shuffled slowly over to you, pulling you into a hug, “If he makes you happy then I’m happy.” 

You sat down on the sofa, pouring one last glass of the good whiskey, “I’m heading to bed, don’t stay up too late.” Your father called as he started to walk up the stairs. 

“I’m forty-five years old dad, we’re far beyond that.” 

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#Joel Miller #Pedro Pascal #The Last Of Us #The Last Of Us HBO #Joel Miller smut #Joel Miller Fic #joel miller fanfiction #Joel Miller x you #Joel Miller x reader #Joel Miller x female reader #Joel Miller x f!reader #tlou fic #Joel Miller Pedro Pascal #TWYMM

[thetriumphantpanda]

🚨THIS IS NOT A DRILL🚨 new chapter of the way you miss me coming at you in t-minus two hours.... just want y'all to be ready for it.

#TWYMM #Pedro Pascal #Joel Miller #The Last Of Us #The Last Of Us HBO #panda muses

[thetriumphantpanda]

GUYS. GOOD NEWS. Inspiration has struck and the next chapter of The Way You Miss Me is in the works. I think I might be able to get it up for you tonight... who is ready for our two idiots to *ahem* make it up to each other? 😏

#TWYMM #Pedro Pascal #Joel Miller #Panda Muses

[thetriumphantpanda]

Chapter 4 of The Way You Miss Me coming at you tonight... just finished it, not 100% happy with it but if I continue to sit on it I'll hate it even more... Hope you're ready for a gear change with this one.

#panda muses #TWYMM #Joel Miller #Pedro Pascal #Joel Miller fan fic

[thetriumphantpanda]

Chapter 5 of The Way You Miss Me is on the way for you this evening - due to be posted at 11:30pm GMT - Hope you guys like it!

#panda muses #TWYMM