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gaybarbiegirl · 3 years

Note

Your top 5 least favourite shops from violetta and Soy Luna (preferably 5 from each) and why

Uuuu okay!

Violetta:

5 - Violetta/Clemont and Leon/Gery

I'm grouping these two together because I dislike them for the same reason, and that is that these ships were totally based on lies and spite. Clemont and Gery just wanted to separate León and Violetta for their own benefit, without really caring about how this would affect them, and that's something I can't get behind.

4 - Broduey/Cami

I just hate relationships that are pretty much defined by jealousy and fighting. Like, it's not that a relationship can't have its issues, but when it has nothing but issues, it gets tiring. It's not cute, it's not funny, you guys should just break up.

3 - Felipe/Naty or Ludmila

Felipe was a slimeball, and the way he treated Ludmila (and also Naty to a lesser extent) was gross. And the fact that he got away with it all is really frustrating. Like, he'd go around purposefully putting Ludmila and Naty in very unconfortable situations that they didn't wanna be in, but then afterwards he'd act all nice, so everyone (except for Ludmila) assumed that he either wasn't doing anything wrong, or, if he was, it wasn't on purpose. Disgusting, stay away from both of them, they deserve better.

2 - Tomás/Anyone

Tomás/Violetta? Terrible, he was whiny, pushy, insensitive, and treated her very badly. Tomás/Ludmila? Awful, he was clearly just using her to get back at Violetta for not dating him. Tomás/Fran? Trash, he spent the whole season treating her weirdly because of her crush on him, only to turn to her once he ran out of options and had no one else he could use to spite Violetta. I honestly think Tomás needs to step away from the dating world for a good couple of years until he learns how to handle it maturely.

1 - German/Angie

There's so much wrong with this relationship I don't even know where to begin. The two of them are in laws, they have a huge age gap (I think, time is very flimsy on this show), and German was Angie's boss for a good chunk of the series. Also, German took Violetta away from Angie right after her sister died, giving her even more grief to deal with. He lied to her multiple times and hurt her so badly she moved to a different country just to stay away from him. And he strung her along for three whole seasons even though he was always in a relationship, essentially toying with her feelings. The fact that they ended up together after all of this still baffles me. Terrible, worst ship in this show by far.

Soy Luna:

5 - Ana/Gary

This is one of these ships that are as bad in concept as they are in execution. Like, I don't know who thought that getting Nina's mom and Gary Lopez together was an idea that made sense, but I wonder to this day how comes nobody shut them down. And the relationship itself was trash, which is unsurprising given the type of person Gary is. But hey, at least they didn't end up together, and now Ana is free to go back to her wife, Mora, and live with her in Paris.

4 - Sharon/Rey

No ❤

3 - Nina/Eric

I honestly think creating this ship (and Eric's whole character) was one of the worst writing decisions in the show. Gastina was a really good ship, and they had a very sweet and healthy relationship, really one of the best relationship examples in the show. Also, this was a ship with two whole seasons of history and emotional investment from the audience. Throwing this all away for pretty much nothing was such a bad decision, especially when it would have been so easy to make the long distance thing work out, even with limited appearances from Gastón.

And as for Nina and Eric, their relationship itself isn't the worst I've ever seen, but it's nothing compared to what Nina and Gastón had. No wonder there's pretty much a consensus in the fandom that Nina and Gastón get back together after the end of the show.

2 - Simón/Daniela

I don't think I have to explain too much when it comes to this one. Daniela was a horribly manipulative person, who tried to sabotage Simón's career and separate him from the people who made him happy so he'd only have her to rely on. It was awful. I feel like the words emotional abuse, manipulation, and gaslighting are often misused on the internet, especially when talking about shipping, but that's honestly what this relationship comes down to. Just terrible, I'm so glad this only lasted a few episodes.

1 - Benicio/Ámbar

Surprising no one, Benicio/Ámbar gets the first place. This ship is so awful it's even a bit hard to talk about. First of all, we have the constant harassment that took place before they were dating, with unwanted advances/physical contact, plus Benicio purposefully putting Ámbar in very unconfortable situations. Then we have the issue of Benicio essentially forcing Ámbar into a relationship by wearing her down with said constant harassment, and also ignoring her when she said she didn't wanna be his girlfriend and deciding they were dating regardless. And that's not even mentioning the array of issues that happened before and during their relationship, like the extreme possessiveness, Benicio treating Ámbar like property, Benicio's total disregard for boundaries, etc. Oh, and there's also the grossly manipulative stuff that Benicio said to Ámbar while they were dating to prevent her from breaking up with him (one example that comes to mind is him telling her that no matter how much she tries to change, she'll always be a bad person inside, so she should just stay with him instead of going after Simón), and the fact that he put her through even more harassment after she broke up with him, including threats and actual assault. It was all terrible and honestly difficult to watch at points, and all I can say is I'm so glad this whole ordeal is over.

Aaaand I'm done. This got a little heavy towards the end, but still, thank you so much for the ask! It was a lot of fun (if a bit infuriating) to think about all of these. Thanks again!

#this is a loooong one #but what can i say #there's a lot to complain about #asks #violetta #soy luna

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pmscenarios · 6 years

Text

Notification - Sender unknown

I was sitting in the sofa, half-way watching the latest Jimquisition on the big screen, while checking up on the newest twitter controversy with my recently bought Lenovo Yoga 720 (got it half-price on the black Friday sale) when a notification popped up in the bottom right corner:

*plop*

I didn't murder anyone today

Heh, that's a pretty weird message to get out-of-context. I absentmindedly wondered who'd start a conversation with such an unique statement.

*plop*

gonna try harder next week

Okeey.. That was definitely a bit off. Which one of my friends could be messaging me about this, and why? Are they commenting on a video game? I moused down to open Discord when I realised it wasn't there.

Not that it wasn't open, there was no icon. I hadn't installed Discord on this pc yet.

So where was the messages coming from? I opened windows' action center, but the sidebar only displayed one sentence -

"no new notifications".

Maybe it's Skype? I didn't activate my Skype account, and I haven't used it in years, but it is a part of my windows id, and I had to log in when I set-up the Lenovo after all. I quickly opened the settings menu and uninstalled Skype. Can't stand that program anyway.

I didn't get any more notifications after that, so I assumed it had just been some random Skype spam. By the next week I'd almost forgotten it happened, only documented by my twitter feed - jokingly theorising I'd mistakenly intercepted a message from a serial killer.

Supergreatfriend was maneuvering in and out of some very selective elevators on the latest wild goose chase in Shenmue 2 when it popped up again.

killed my first one today, human

The same unknown sender, another ominous text. My nerves were instantly flaring, my hairs standing on end. This shouldn't be happening, I uninstalled Skype. I checked the Discord icon on my task bar, downloaded and installed during the last week. It was inactive. I started the app up to check, but there was no new notifications. I quickly clicked through my direct messages and then scrolled through the servers I followed. Nothing.

*plop*

he got up but I knocked him down with a rock

No. It has to be coming from somewhere. It must! I switched back to Chrome and quickly closed the Youtube tab. Maybe it had been a comment notification from that? Or maybe Twitter? Tumblr? I hastily closed every tab, and then Chrome for good measure. There was no more options. No more twisted, unknown messages.

*plop*

the fall didn't do it, but the spike did

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit! It's not stopping, this is so freaky. I opened the start menu as fast as I could - shut down, shut down now!

Slamming the lid closed, I flung the netbook next to me in the sofa. Something had to be wrong with the win 10 install.

I should do a factory reset.

It's been 2 weeks since then. My twitter followers' suggestions ranged from a prank, faulty software, and just my own paranoia, to mistaken identity, refurbished pc still receiving spy messages or a malicious hack. I haven't really wanted to think about it. My Discord buddies suggested I report it to Microsoft, or maybe even the police, but what would I say? "I got these mysterious messages on my new laptop, without them having a sender or a connected program. No, I can't show them to you, they only appeared as live notifications."? They'll think I'm crazy.

I'm starting to think they would have a point. I've been really paranoid lately - seeing shadows were there are none - this weekend I was even convinced someone had broken into my apartment while I'd been out, just because I spent a few minutes searching for the new box of Nescafé medium roast capsules. Finding it, of all places, in the cup cupboard. I hadn't had a cup since. Heh. I shake my head at my own insanity. I really need a vacation.

*plop*

The small sound makes me almost jump out of my skin. The tell-tale soft sound of a windows notification, but it can't be! The Lenovo has been off since that day, secluded to a corner of the living room.

I glare at it there it sits, perched on the corner of the side table. The power button shining brightly, taunting me.

*plop*

Maybe if I just ignore it? Let it sit there on the side-table, plopping to itself until it runs out of power?

The coffee withdrawal is probably exhasperating my mental state.

I decide to make myself a cup of coffee and sit down with an episode of the Film Reroll. I'd found this podcast a few months back and was currently listening my way through their Wizard of Oz playthrough.

My Dolce Gusto coffee machine humms lowdly, slowly filling my cup with some medium roast black goodness. After about a minute, I pick up the freshly-made, piping hot cup of coffee and a nearby teaspoon, put in a few spoons of dairy-free creamer and a packet of sweetener, before stirring everything while heading for the couch.

I settle down in the sofa with my trusty Audio-Technica headphones and my old Sony Xperia tablet - which had ended up being used longer than planned with the recent events.

*plop*

The Lenovo was still asking for attention in the corner, but I block it out of my mind and focus my attention on the Podbean app, quickly starting up ep. 3.

As the group starts bantering about Gillikins and Gilligan's Island, I slowly start breathing normally again. I hadn't even realised I'd been holding my breath.

I give my cup a quick blow before sipping the newly-made coffee.

Sinking deep into the sofa I close my eyes and let the players transport me to their wonderous, weird world of Wizard of Oz, where Dorothy knows mind control and the Scarecrow does more to sabotage the group than help. *Du-du!* The Xperia notification sound deafens the podcast for a few seconds and shocks my eyes open. On the top of the screen is a new message:

I killed 5 yesterday, they cried a lot

I stare at the notification, not really taking in the words. It's like my whole world has frozen, time starting up as a crawl when the notification slowly withdraws. The podcast has just become meaningless noise, nothing reaching past my ears.

*du-du!*

I left the table for a minute and they tried to escape, so I caught the room on fire

This can't be real, this is a joke, a hoax from one of my twitter followers, or discord friends! I desperately run through all the options in my head, looking for an answer, any answer. The messages hadn't appeared on the tablet, only on the pc.

"You don't know that". A tiny little voice in the back of my mind whispered. "The tablet was in the bedroom while you were using your new computer, you saw the messages on the device you were using at that moment."

I desperately grab for the Len, the pc, to confirm to myself that it's a trick, that someone is messing with me, that it's not the same mystery messages I was getting before.

Pulling it open I place it on the sofa next to me and unlock it with my finger. I don't want to think about why it's on or how it's been able to keep a charge for over 2 weeks, I just need to check. To makre sure there's nothing there.

"no new notifications"

With a sharp breath of relief I feel like my terror recedes a bit. There's nothing there. Probably just someone remembering my recent freak-out and deciding to mess with me a bit. I take off the headphones and place them and the tablet on the table, before taking another sip of coffee.

"Heh!" I almost spook myself with my own snort, I'm really too paranoid. Somebody is probably sitting on the other side of the world congratluating themself for their little joke. I will have to thank them for the scare later.

*plop*

The tiny notification sound from the pc next to me is so loud I almost drop the cup, and I can see at the edge of my eye the tablet screen has also lit up with a new message.

fire and poison

"No.." My voice is barely a wisper and I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes. Why? Why is it there? There was nothing, no notifications, no.. i"that's what it said earlier too, when you checked after the first messages. There was never anything there."i/ I looked over at the tablet. windows might not keep the notices, but the tablet definately does! android doesn't hide thems until you clear them. I yank the tablet to me, causing the headphones to tumble onto the floor with a thud. Quickly swiping up, I pull down the notifications.

There's nothing there. No messages, no social media updates, nothing.

Gripping the tablet in my hands, my fear starts changing into rage. Fuck this whole thing, fuck this goddamn slimeball who's probably sitting behind a screen in a lowly lit place laughing to himself over his latest prank driving another completely insane.

Sending more and more bullshit messages.

What's the last one? "Fire and poison"? That doesn't even make any sense, it's just words..

"Yeah!" I shout out. "It's just fucking words on a, a screen! Whoever you are think you so clever for freaking me out like this, but I'm not scared anymore. You can't hurt me. You could never hurt me!

You, you're just, just words!

I can feel the stress letting go of my body, my mucles relaxing. The tablet slips out of my hands and falls on the headphones and floor.

"How do you feel now, huh?" I smirk, every word I speak into the empty room making my body go limp.

*plop*

I can barely turn my head to look at the pc beside me.

i am soo sleepy

Did Did it No, it cant be. I try to reach out and grab the thing beside me, but my arms arent listening to me.

Its just a coinc A co By chance. Friends. It never talked about things like that before. Just about.. Killing.

*plop*

I'd drink some coffee but I am immune

"ee-mmn-e?" My lips cant form my words. What a strange word to choos to talk cofeee. I get not effect from cofffee anymore, but immune? "- and poison" - it pop up in head like a bliking mesaage. Pull head around and stare half-had coffee. It not be+

try - stand, but body heavy. just sit. Help

helo

her;[

trlkhdtmknlmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

after she found the corpse and the maggots got her

#doodlesatbreakfast #short story #horror #creepy story #thanks WafflesRtheBest for the creepy messages #I guess it's a creepypasta?#Was sort of the style I was emulating #tech tales #cw: swearing #tw: dead people #tw: violence #tw: death #tw: murder #jimquisition #supergreatfriend #"theFilmReroll #tw: burning #tw: killing

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dracimalfoy1988292 · 3 years

Text

(ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 28: ᴡᴇ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ɴᴇᴇᴅ ᴍᴇɴ)

The girls avoided the Marauders as if they were the bubonic plague. If the boys were in the library, the girls would leave. If they tried to approach the girls, they'd leave.

If Lily was even in the vicinity of the four boys, her blood would boil. Same with Severus Snape, who'd proven to be quite persistent when it came to apologizing to the redhead.

James, on multiple occasions, had tried to speak to Valentine, but on each occasion she'd walk away before he could even fit three words in. And James couldn't even blame her.

And so the last two weeks of fifth year passed by incredibly quickly, and soon enough Valentine found herself on the Hogwarts express once more, snacking on cauldron cakes and caramel cobwebs, partially listening to the girls speak as her eyes flickered back between Macey and the compartment down the hall, where she could hear four familiar voices speaking.

"Hey, you excited for three months off?" Macey playfully shoved Valentine, and the blonde nodded.8

"Oh, yeah. I need a break from this drama. Sixth year will be a new year."

"A new year where you'll hopefully speak to your friends again?" Macey asked, eyes bright. Macey tried to ignore the fact that Celia was sitting so close their arms brushed. The girls shared a look, both blushing before looking away.3

"I am talking to my friends," Valentine replied, gesturing around to the girls in the compartment.

"She means the boys, dummy," Celia interjected. Valentine shrugged at the mention of them. She already felt bad for Lily, who'd also decided to take time from Remus after he hadn't tried to end the situation that had unfolded on the day of the OWLS.

As a result, the sandy-haired boy kept to himself and always looked down, eyes bagged and tired, never going out of his ways to speak to anyone.

But Valentine tried her best to act as if everything was fine. All four boys and all four girls could see through the poorly put up facade.

"I'll write him this summer. I just need a break. A break from teenage boys and their issues and personalities. I need time with my parents and time to sleep. Then we'll fix what happened... eventually," Valentine explained. Macey was thankful she'd at least try to fix the problem. She could tell Valentine missed the Marauders dearly. They'd become like brothers to the blonde.

Except James. Clearly, he was not viewed as a brother by Valentine. That much was obvious.5

As for the Snape incident, Valentine wasn't sure how to feel. To publicly humiliate someone who hadn't done anything to them in that moment was wrong, even if Severus was a slimy git.

But then again, Valentine didn't think Severus Snape was a good person. He might've fooled Lily for some time, but hanging out with Mulciber and Avery was bound to turn him more rotten than he already had been. Everyone knew he'd curse younger students without the knowledge of his redhead friend, acting as if he were perfect.

But he didn't deserve what he received. That was, until, he'd called Valentine and Lily a mudblood.

Then Valentine didn't care anymore. They were only trying to help the Slytherin boy, and he had chosen to insult them, and as a result he lost the only true friend he'd ever had.

So maybe he had deserved it, Valentine didn't know. She did know she'd never like Severus Snape, though. That was a given.

"Has that slimeball tried speaking to you anymore?" Marlene asked Lily, and she nodded.

"Oh, yeah. Tried to stop me when I was leaving the Great Hall this morning. You'd think he'd give up at this point," Lily scoffed.

"Yeah, well, you know what they say," Valentine singed. "You can't give up on love."

"Don't be ridiculous," Lily sighed, her head resting against the cushioned seat. "We were only ever friends."

"Right," Valentine sarcastically stated.

Lily shook her head and rolled her eyes, continuing her book. Valentine watched her closely.

"But seriously, Lily, how long until you speak to Remus again?"

Lily didn't even look up from her book, licking her forefinger before flipping the page.

"How long until you speak to James again?"

Valentine slumped in her seat, crossing her arms. She would, eventually. She knew she would. She couldn't forget about James Potter, that was impossible.

"Those insensitive warts can go boil their heads in frog spawn. Who needs men, anyways?" Macey articulated, chewing loudly as her Fizzing Whizzbee popped in her mouth.

"We do," Marlene nodded somberly. "We need men."

"No we want men. We don't need men," Valentine corrected, stroking the fur atop Cupid's head, causing him to purr lovingly.12

"Okay, I need men," Marlene corrected.1

"And you have a man," Celia reminded her. Although Marlene had a very long conversation with her boyfriend, Sirius Black, they hadn't broken up. Valentine was happy for that, because she knew that Marlene and Sirius were happy together. Merlin knows Sirius needed to be happy, especially with a family like his.

"So you'll be sending out a letter for us to come over at some point, right?" Lily started, looking to Valentine and Marlene Marlene. Lily had already explained it couldn't be at her house due to her wretched sister, and Macey couldn't do her house because it was rather small and her brother would annoy them.

"'Course," Valentine nodded, catching the sad look that crossed Celia's face. That, of course, made Valentine herself upset. Celia had already explained that her family wouldn't allow her to spend time with muggleborns, even saying that if they'd caught her writing or befriending someone that wasn't of the sacred twenty-eight they'd punish her.

This affected Macey the most, however. She was wounded that, even though she was a pureblood, albeit known as a 'blood traitor', she wouldn't be able to speak to the girl for three long months.

And although Celia didn't show it, it affected her as well.

"Wow," Valentine quickly said to cover up the previous question. "Can you believe the next time we'll be on this train, we'll be sixth years?"

They all went quiet, eyes glazing over in memories.

"That's mental," Macey agreed. "Feels like just yesterday you got doused in that red shit."

Valentine laughed. "Yeah. Who'd know we'd all become such great friends because of that?"

"Dumbledore, most likely. That man knows everything. It's scary, really," Marlene prompted, and the others hummed in agreement.6

"At least we won't have ending exams for sixth year," Lily reminded them. "Only NEWTS for seventh year, then we're free."

"Ugh," Valentine piped. "I don't want to think about it. I can fathom leaving Hogwarts."

"Me neither. It's home," Macey replied.

The compartment door slid open, the girls turning to see who had disrupted them. Lily scowled, turning away from the boys. Marlene smiles cheekily at Sirius. Peter waved at Celia and Macey. James stared at Valentine deeply, and his eyes were angry.

He doesn't have the bloody right to be angry!

"Hey," Remus said quietly, nervous of how the girls would react.

James, however, hid behind Sirius, not saying a thing. For the past two weeks he'd wanted Valentine to yell at him. To throw a jinx his way or insult him, because at least then she'd actually speak to him. But now he's given up. If she didn't want to talk to him then whatever, he didn't need her to.

"Hi?" Macey muttered, not entirely sure why she was responding, since no one else was. She noticed how Valentine stubbornly trained her eyes on her cat.

As terrible as it sounded, James was waiting for Valentine to grovel to him. He was waiting for her to miss him and come to him. To speak to him. To

show she needed him. Just like he'd tried the past two weeks. But when she didn't, James scoffed and left the room.

Valentine's eyes hardened. "What a tit."

Although she'd said it quietly, Peter had heard, laughing loud enough for Sirius to grab him from the collar and drag him out after James.

Remus remained standing in the compartment, hands in his pockets and hunched over.

"Uh- anyways, I just wanted to wish you guys a good break. And I'll write you... so I hope you'll write back," Remus said, and although he was speaking to everyone, the girls knew who he really was taking to. Lily didn't respond, so he looked down and turned away.1

"Have a good summer, Remus," Valentine said last minute before he stepped out. He glanced at her, smiling softly, before leaving.

_______________________

"WHAT? I DON'T REGRET IT," JAMES commented, kicking at the carpet.

Sirius was close to pulling his hair out, James not having shut up about Valentine and the situation for the whole train ride.

"And I didn't call her anything! That was Snape! Sure, maybe I shouldn't have gone so hard on him, but it just helped reveal his true colors! And he calls Lily his best friend, pfff. He called her- a- you know what!"1

James continued ranting, pulling at his hair dramatically, letting out an annoyed grumbled and throwing his body down to the bench, clamping his hands over his face and groaning.

"This is not fair!"

Remus toned all them out, trying to sleep, and Peter listened intently, snacking on treats he'd bought when the trolly witch had come by.

"Just tell her you fancy her already, mate! If you wait any longer, some other lad will take her away!" Sirius told him.

James groaned again, this time at the thought of telling Valentine of his crush as well as the thought of another boy pursuing Valentine.

"This is impossible!" James exclaimed. "And it's too late, anyways. She won't even look at me."2

"She's just a bit upset..."

Everyone looked at Sirius.

"So she's really upset, okay? Whatever, if you give her space then she'll cool off and by the beginning of sixth year she'll be right by your side again."

James nodded. "I hope so."

Peter agreed. "Yeah, me too. Then who'll make us cookies?"

________________________

VALENTINE FOUND HER PARENTS faces almost instantly, saying a quick goodbye to her friends before running to her mum and dad, crushing them both in a hug.

"I missed you!" Valentine expressed, and her father patted her back.

"You better have."

Samantha shoved him before looking down to her daughter. "We missed you too, Vallie."

Valentine grinned. "Ready to have me home all summer?"

"No."

"Yes."

Valentine gasped at her Fathers answer, holding a hand to her chest.6

"You dare be so rude to your offspring?"3

"Yes. Now hurry up, I've got to use the restroom, and I can't find one on the platform. Do you have to run through a wall to the toilets as well?"6

Valentine snorted, grabbing her Dads arm with one hand and her Mums with the other, pulling them away from the Hogwarts Express. Away from her friends, and away from James Potter, who stood staring at her, waiting for her to turn around so he could see her face once more before she left for three months.

But she didn't turn. Instead she held her parents close, speaking to them excitedly.

"Let's go home."

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subconsitrep · 7 years

Text

“By Hook or by Crook”, out of sync and surely shook

It is fairly early in April, in this 2017 new year. 2017 is to be the year of change as so I had believed it to be and still do. There has been much change, that is for certain. Whether my life or others, have surely brought about a lot of change and there are plenty of things in the spotlight. In essence of this quarterly review of the year so far, let me elaborate on what has come to pass:

1. “By Hook or by Crook”

Our internal company motto, so to speak. I have now officially been an employee of Classic Honda for a little over 3 months now. It was surely not what I expected, and far from what I had hoped. By Hook or by Crook, our motto, to explain: Whether a grand way to close a deal, or to close by clever deception, must you always be closing. The inherently set standard of our business. In essence, I must become a slimeball to make the money I need; to put the food on my plate. This has been one very difficult standard to digest, one I am willfully refusing to become. I work in the most competitive dealership for Honda in all of Canada, as we are the #1 in volume deals. We sell the most cars, we make the most money, and we have the most number of salesman on the floor at any given time, out-beat practically any dealership that I have ever heard of, ever. I have seldom been trained, having just gone over these measly web-based courses and expected to be thrown to the jungle to fend for myself amongst 20 other salesman. Competing for business, I also work in a satisfactory demographic when it comes to finances, and most people find a car purchase a very costly and unpractical thing to do in these people’s lives. It has been a challenge, no doubt. I have sought to complete these challenges and rise against the odds, and I have done nominally in this regard. What is holding me back is this “crook” aspect. I hate being affiliated with being a crook. I am disappointed that most people assume me to be a slime-ball just looking to take as mch money out of one’s pockets. I despise being disregarded and disrespected day in and day out by people who come in and shit on me and my job. To describe it, imagine 90% of my clientele coming in and asking for the absolute best deal, because they woke up today and decided they wanted to casually shop. They ask me to pull my pants right down to see the brown ring around my asshole, ask me to gape and spread my cheeks as wide as I can, as so to understand that they are getting everything and seeing everything they possibly can, and having worked hard with then and spent a considerable amount of time with them, they thank me for my time, tell me a lie of some sort, any excuse they possibly can, with a later commitment and then disappear off the face of this earth, never to be heard of again. In essence, it feels like this, every day. 95% of my appointments are a no call no show. Each time I become more frustrated with the level of incompetence had by my clients. I am even further appalled by the incompetence by some of my colleagues, and how the company is actually run. Everyone who is of anyone in this business is a crook, and I refuse to assume this role. I can absolutely agree that it is this reason that I have failed to do very well at this job, and why I seem to hate it so. I do not wish to lie constantly, to earn a living. I also do not wish to be disrespected and shunned because people wish to avoid me, avoid making business, avoid making commitments. I do not wish to be affiliated with the likings of these people. I have temporarily enjoyed the freedoms of this job, the ability to brand myself and work as my own unit. However being unproductive and coming to work each day to feel unsuccessful at choosing an effective job to earn my right to my pay and my place in society, and not in the least enjoying what it is that I do, depresses me. I didn’t even mention that the pay has been poor as I have not been actively selling all the time to meet a decent standard of living... and as such continue to receive a top up from the company which is expected to be owed back when I finally sell.. which means that the longer I stay here, the more I am becoming indebted to this as a whole. If I am not a crook, then I must be shook. This is very true. I am very shook. I have worried about my position in life and I have surely prayed for guidance and support. With much of the other changing events happening, this probably weighs on me the most considering this is the only angle of income I am receiving, and there are many changes that will soon require resources for me to build myself out of, if I am to escape this. This in turn brings me to the next change.

2. Family ‘matters’

This has been an ongoing thing as per usual, but recent developments (though normally have not been of a concern) have become suggestive enough to become impactful in my life and lifestyle, and more or less can change the course of my life in other matters. For the last year my immediate family has been concerning as we have never been stable. My mother since the mutual separation has gone on a mission to reclaim her throne and seek what is to be rightfully hers, that is to say anything and everything that she feels that she was repressed of and robbed during her “failed” marriage with my dad. As such, she has made poor, and now poorer decisions financially which has led others into this suckhole of money as she further plunders deeper and deeper in turmoil. My mother having agreed to leave once again to the Philippines, despite her late mortgage payments, insurance payments, car payments, and lord knows whatever else was late, recently came back and is now suffering the consequences of these poorly executed decisions. My mother has since lost her car having it repossessed in the middle of the night, now has to rely on my grandmother car to get to and from work. A favour that may likely not exist in the soon future, leaving my mother no other choice but to bike to work during a midnight shift, to which I am lacking faith in her ability to survive this ordeal. She depends on the kindness of others and especially my father to survive. Her reality worsens and I am unsure how much she is able to build out of what she has dug herself into. I speculate that worst case scenario, she may finally take my father to the cleaners, if she is unable to meet her financial responsibilities. It still is unlikely, but could still happen as she still is struggling to make due. My Father has chosen to sell our house before the end of the year, giving me until then to find a place on my own. He has overviewed his circumstances and come to realize that he needs to downsize significantly in order to ensure his own survival for when he is to retire. He has figured he must live on his own, sell this house, clear himself and my mother out of debt and have some small inheritance to be split between my sister and I and then call it a day. As I am not much of a crook, a safety net of income is surely required and right now where I stand with this job does not seem likely I will able to afford any lifestyle to live on my own, if I have to pay back my own workplace for the money they lent me the paycheque before, for example. My Father also refuses to have much of a social life outside of his video games which makes it very difficult to maintain any sort of relationship with him. I find we butt heads often, especially when it comes to my girlfriend and I. She is often over every possible day I have off, to spend time with me on the weekends. My Dad has constantly made issue of her being over too much, even though we are completely out of sight, and out of mind, and even if we are to prepare meals and clean around the house. My sister is struggling to maintain a stable atmosphere for herself and though she has every right intention to find herself away from distraction and forward to direction and a path she can be happy with, has found every possible essence of chaos that loves to chase her around and it is holding her back. I do my best to offer some insight and to help guide her, but she continues to live out her distractions most of the time and not learn as fast as she may like. She is strong minded and free to do what she wishes, but she does not heed advice well. I suppose we are both suckers for chaos. Though I have not been around a lot, I suppose I have just been thinking a lot of just that. (forgive me)

3. Unsyncronized...

I suppose all in all, a lot of things lately have had me out of sync. I have taken a huge step and dedicated half of my wall space in my room to white boards and clip boards to organize all my thoughts, concerns and mind-mapping all in one core place, so I can at least track myself and understand who I am as a person and where I belong. I have come to the realization that I have been settling, for nearly everything in my life. With the exception of some friends and relationships, I have settled and become okay with a lot of the elements that make up my current reality. Anything that I have had a real passion for, had not worked out and I had given up on it. Perhaps to return to it again sooner or later, but no work was put into it otherwise. Settling alternatives had took its place, and I suppose the habit stuck. I have been at the drawing boards most nights to mind map, and understand what is me, and what I should be actively chasing to identify things that I should be doing; to invigorate passions and become closer to myself again. I have been trying to just jump at any opportunity that has come my way whether or not I have a passion for it and the results yield a settling outcome. I have thought of going back to school, and I have had a lot of support suggesting that I do just that. However though I think that I will like the program, it is not something that I currently love and therefore I cannot fully justify making a decision in that direction until I can be happy that I can find something worth while in it for me. I went to the lengths of taking a tour and talking with the program coordinator at one school, but nothing has stuck with me yet. I also have been given a potential job opportunity at a new company, a headhunting firm downtown Toronto, which I think that I would be a great fit to their company, and with their values and how they are organized and structured, I think I would really enjoy my time there, and make good money and rise the ranks exceptionally fast. I did say the same thing about Honda, and I was wrong. I can’t see me being wrong twice in a row, but the energy surely has been super positive and I love what they stand for. I suppose thats a better start than any. I have done a test and also have done one interview with them. I have yet to see what is to become of it. There is no passion there surely, but there could be, and I could potentially love what I do, as it is in the city with a very super corporate vibe to which I think I fit very well with. For my sake, considering finances, the type of job, their values, and everything for the most part... I will get it (with my greatest intentions to assist me here). I need it. It would be my salvation for the next few years. Ironic that I would be brought in as a specialist headhunter, and I can’t even figure where I want to be with my life just yet... I might even learn a thing or few...

4. For the ‘love of money’

In earlier years, I told myself: “I will find greater joy in doing what I love to do, over making more money in something I do not love to do”. I think I have suddenly allowed a lot of that to become misguided, and have been living in fear of not having any money at all. My family situation worries me, as does my own well being. Though I have always been able to MacGuyver many things and get away with paying less, not buying much for myself, nor treating myself a lot.... I suppose.... no, I know recently that I have allowed the assumptions of what may become the future, control my outlook of how I am to perceive things in the present. Instead of seeking out passions, giving my gifts to this world, doing what I do best, and enjoying taking action of my life, I have instead gotten distracted and scared of the reality of not being able to acquire money, or ‘resources’ as I now like to apparently refer to it. I in my most absolute highest regard, do not wish to lack the money to have a comfortable life. I do not wish to live like my parents did and I do not want to not be able to look after those closest to me, my family and friends, and the agenda of which I wish to live out before I leave this place. Much of my actions have been sought to build this Empire which has been nothing more but the pursuit to attain maximum resources. Though I think this is vital, I think I may have missed something, and that is surely the passions and the love of things, giving my gifts to this world... Yeah, I completely missed that. If I was to go over a good chunk of my former blogs.. the amount of times I likely used Empire, and not paid any attention to passions or love, or giving gifts. Shit. I hope that within a short amount of time, I am to figure out a way where I can surely enjoy how I make and grow this empire, all the while living out these passions and giving my gifts.

I’ve surely recognized that throughout writing this blog for this reflection that I have again focused on a lot of negative things. It seems to be the forefront of what makes my headlines in my mind. I tend to speak outwardly indifferent to these notions, however in my own reflections I am quick to see this is not the case. I need to immediately find and do things that I love to counteract any negative impressions I have in my mind so I can regain balance, and a new footing, and hopefully then may I be able to be inspired and invigorated enough to discover other possibilities that I have not come across just yet. I am surely blessed to say that I have been very fortunate to have a lot of support from my lover, and other friends out there who have remained with me though it may sometimes be inherently difficult to occupy time to a friend always seemingly in need of a favour. That being said, I also want to be thankful and grateful for these things, and others too. The lovely lady Alana who had inspired me to consider education and gave me her old car, in hopes for me to get working and hopefully drive again. Mel, my customer who though has not bought from me yet has offered to teach me an invaluable skill of book design to which I may network further, and grow into a possibility of writing a book and designing it myself completely. To address again, I am grateful for my woman who has never spoken harshly against me despite my tendencies for tough love, who has supported me and loved me tenderly of which I had always sought for many many years.. I can be at peace in her company and only hope I can be good to her, by being good to myself and supplementing her with a favourable lifestyle of mine that can be rewarding both financially and for the soul. I am thankful for my friends who have stayed by my side and continue to enjoy my company, wisdom and fellowship. I am thankful for my good health and well being. I am thankful for my intelligence, wisdom and gift of communication, and I wish I can extend it to many others. I am thankful for my life, my food and my home that I am able to live in with no worry. I am thankful for my God and my support seen by signs and other omens, and I continually ask for your support and guidance, wisdom and direction. I wish to be used to the best of my purpose and my ability.

Though a time of a bit of frustration, chaos and disappointment, I must remember to stay thankful for what I do have in my life. I need to make this a habit.

Until next time...

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