#admittedly also got a bunch of new brushes and am just experimenting a lot

[lavenoon]

Sun and Sunflower - @daye-dream's agentsona! <3

#post let luce #fnaf sb #fnaf sb au #fnaf sun #accidentally undercover #my art #daye wanted to hold him #so he shall be held #its doodle days this week im very sorry #ill get to writing and those asks at some point #but silly doodles and murder have the biggest serotonin payoff rn so thats what im doing #admittedly also got a bunch of new brushes and am just experimenting a lot #gotta ride that wave yknow #but yes #enjoy

[botwstoriesandsuch]

Whoopsie King Rhoam’s a dick but I gotta flesh him out so

Read Part 1 here!

Part 2

If you’re on mobile, and tumblr hates this post, follow along on this google doc!

Rules/overview this rewrite in the beginning of Part 1

‘sup ya beautiful bastards it’s time to gush about the process of storytelling and writing as we fix up the fix it fic so let’s just jump into it

- - - - - - - - - - 

A quick recap of Part 2, and I swear this recap is faster than the recap last time: Chapter 3 of Age of Calamity opens with a more substantial scene the beginning points of Revali’s character, and contrasting the old position that Link and eggbot have, so that their later changes in this chapter (well, at least for Link in this chapter) are more pronounced. We edited a bit of the dialogue to make Revali’s intentions make a bit more sense, while also putting some little foreshadowing points with some camera tricks for the Hollow Champions. The Hollow Champions can now speak, which means their potential for being used to bring out the flaws or bitter aspects of each character is more readily available further into the story. And of course, we’ve introduced the main antagonist of Astor, and coupling his presence and dynamic with Zelda’s insecurities. While his intentions of needing Zelda for something is clear, his motivations and backstory remain a mystery as of yet, the only true clue we have so far being some sort of connection to eggbot. 

I didn’t get any big asks or comments about Part 2 so I’m going to assume that it was mostly well received (although I will note that I promise I’m going to flesh out Revali to be more than he has been presented as of yet, this is just the very very start of this development don’t you worry your feather loving butts) that being said, you should totally critique me or give me your opinions or comments. I’d love to hear them! Although, keep in mind that I am restraining my rewrite to the guidelines already said, so don’t get mad at me for not killing off all the Champions or something. Thaaat’s a rewrite for another time. So yeah if you reblog you get a little kiss from me because believe it or not I spent a lot of time trying to rewrite an entire storyline while keeping it’s tone and integrity intact. So thanks much <3

Okie dokie then chaps! Let us finally delve into Urbosa lesbian vibes, a zest of Zelink angst, rants about pacing, and a couple tablespoons of Astor backstory, all starting in the latest stage of Chapter 3: The Road Home, Besieged 

So right of the bat, big problem here. This Chapter follows directly after the events of Korok Forest, so you assume that maybe “The Road Home” refers to the team, going home, back to the castle, to tell King Rhoam what’s up. But...that’s apparently not the case. 

So this entire stage, firstly, it brushes over any scenes where Zelda, Link or the other Champions might talk to King Rhoam about the Master Sword, or the Deku Tree, or...hmm what else happened last stage that might be interesting to see—oh yEAH HOW ABOUT that mysterious magic guy that tried to kill Zelda and was going off about the future and stuff?? That guy that wielded a bunch of dark magic and malice looking stuff and, uh yeah, you’d think it might be important and interesting to see the King’s take on was is essentially a wanted traitor to the crown who may or may not be leading the entire movement for the Calamity’s uprising. But nope, no one asks questions, no one says anything or has interesting conversations that reveal stuff about the plot. It's just….just all about Zelda and ooooOOooo she can’t awaken her powers oh no what’s a gal to do!

And I do mean that quite literally, this entire stage is all centered around two scenes with Zelda. The first, an admittedly narratively important scene of Zelda having a quick flashback about eggbot after he sings her a song, but it lasts for five seconds. And the second, being a pep talk with Urbosa as Link eats rocks in the background. For the majority of this stage, it’s all focused on Zelda, and pacing wise, it does virtually nothing to progress the narrative/plot forward.

And on paper, there’s nothing wrong with that! Hell, people read entire fanfictions dedicated to character development and relationships that have absolutely no external plot. Having a scene dedicated to just character development is completely fine, it’s something that’s pretty common and even encouraged to an extent. The problem arises when you remember that this is a story being told through the medium of a video game. 

Now, I am going to try and  breeze by this because, similar to Age of Calamity, I have to also construct this post with pacing that keeps my audience engaged, while progressing with my core narrative and story. But I highly encourage you to watch through this video by hello future me (On Writing: How to Master Pacing) because a lot of what I know about this I’ve picked up from his videos, and if you’re a writer or just someone who thinks storytelling is cool, it’s a great guide to the art of pacing.

Anyhow. There are two levels of pacing within a story. There is the small type of pacing, like for the structure of a singular scene. And there is the pacing of the overall core narrative, how the larger beats of the entire story is revealed. Good pacing for your core narrative is about whether the reader feels like they are getting closer to the big thing, the big climax or answer or promise of satisfaction. The smaller type of pacing, for your singular scenes, focuses on that timing between how close you get to achieving new information, this refers to  your slow and fast pacing, tension versus rapid action.  

So, overall the rule of thumb is: the amount of time you invest into your smaller scenes, even put together, that must correlate with a big enough payoff in the core narrative. That’s what good pacing is. (And that’s why people make stuff like the Three Act Structure to help visualize this pacing process but obviously other forms of pacing guidelines exist like the Five and Seven Act Structures but that’s too complicated for this Nintendo Game anyhow that’s just some educational flavour for ya to impress your highschool English Teacher I guess) 

So knowing that, the question now is: Does The Road Home, Besieged contribute good pacing to the story? This is going to be my excuse for changing up other later scenes in the game, so when I mention pacing and narrative again, remember this. The time spent playing for thirty minutes, minimum, in the game, to only be paid off by two lines of character development isn’t good pacing. So the answer is “no.” 

Delving as long an amount of time as thirty minutes, means that pretty much everytime a stage is complete, you must introduce new substantial progress to your story. A game like this just doesn’t have time to waste it’s valuable cutscenes on character development alone. There’s an even further wrench in the issue when you consider you also need to account for sidequests, so you could really be forcing your player to go through hours of gametime before you introduce new details in the story. 

Obviously it’s not always gonna be cut and dry like that—sometimes you have to account for how enjoyable the gameplay is, and sometimes the amount of character development offsets any lack of narrative development—but for the majority of stages I’m gonna change, they all suffer this pacing problem. In a game that's entire story hinges on these cutscenes, bad pacing is just something it doesn’t have time for.

Anyhow anyhow anyhow, I got to get my dose of serotonin by talking about pacing writing structure and stuff and blah blah, so now I shall grace you with the changes that address these problems that would theoretically lead to vast improvement. I gave you this reasoning and backstory to writing because I am making hella changes, to hopefully make the experience more “poggers,” which is something the cool kids say these days if you didn’t know. 

Firstly, timeline wise this stage is gonna take place directly after the Korok Forest battle. The gang is returning home from the battle, with Link, the new wielder of the Master Sword, along with this new information regarding a certain Astor character. 

We open the same way it does in game, focusing on Zelda’s face, before the frame is suddenly blocked by the pommel of the Master Sword. A wordless way to express how the sudden revelation of Link being the hero has forced its way into Zelda’s mind, great use of camera Koei Tecmo 10 outta 10

Now I don’t want to immediately jump into Zelda’s “oh poor me I can’t awaken my powers” dialogue because—and this is something even Breath of the Wild is guilty of—This game seems to forget that there are other characters besides Zelda. It’s marketed towards kids, sure, but I assure you that kids playing this game have a longer attention span than 2 minutes. You don’t need to keep reminding the audience every single scene about how Zelda is anxious about her powers. It gets redundant, you waste the audience’s time, and therefore you waste your own time, because you could have been using that precious screen time to develop some other thing further.  So anyhow, goes a bit like this. 

Zelda’s walking, the Master Sword comes into frame. Zelda looks down at the ground but keeps walking, but you can tell from her expression that she’s troubled. Don’t need to waste time on dialogue for her here, show don’t tell, we need to make the most of the scene here. Camera is still on Zelda, but the focus blurs shifts from Zelda to the Champions behind her. We can start with Mipha, I don’t have my heart set heavily on any specific dialogue, but I want her to say something along the lines of “how proud she is of Link” and what an honor it will be to fight by the side of not just her dear friend, but also someone selected by the goddess to be the hero. Subtextually, I want her to say this in a tone that suggests that she doubts the need for her to be here at all. She’ll say something like “He’s grown so…” glances up at Link who's just walking ahead, “...so much stronger than I could ever imagine. [Something Something] His power has grown so much over the course of a few days, more than I have achieved in a lifetime.” She looks down, but she still has a sweet smile. 

Now I’m doing this because I want to develop further this plot line of “getting stronger” that Age of Calamity sets up but never does anything with. Remember how in Chapter 2, Mipha asks Daruk to train with her to get stronger? I really like the possibilities of this arc with Mipha as it can not only parallel with her feelings for Link, but also make her character better as an individual. Mipha wants to get stronger so that she can protect Link, but now she thinks that Link’s already growing stronger to an extent that she might not be needed. She’s not jealous of Link, nor does she wish him to be weaker, she simply wants to be more than she already is. This is literally echoing her words that she left her father, about how leaving the Domain and experiencing new challenges would be “good for her.” So I wanna run with it. The dialogue here establishes Mipha’s motivation to grow stronger, almost equivalent to a rivalry of sorts. 

So after Mipha says this, Revali scoffs and butts in. Again, I’m not too set on any particular dialogue here, just something like “Hmph! Well, I don’t know about that. Seems to me all that’s happened is some magic sword gave the knight an ego boost. Blade’s only as strong as the little Hylian who wields it, and—based on my own extended experience and professional observations of course—I’ve yet to see this ‘stronger’ boy that you speak of.” Another camera pan to Link a ways in front of them. “If you ask me, hero or no, that knight is still exactly the same as I first met him.”

Revali places a wing on his chest dramatically. “Perhaps if you’re truly keen on seeing growth in skill and strength, Mipha, you’d do well to—”

“Flattering of an offer as that may be, Revali,” Urbosa interjects, “But I think Mipha might find it difficult to observe growth from one of the shortest Rito in Hyrule.”

Cue laughter from others or snickering or something. We just need some banter to add a bit more flavour to the characters. Revali can do a little huff and cross his wings or flip his scarf or something. But then Urbosa continues. 

“Although...he is right about one thing.” Urbosa looks straight ahead. “A sword does not alter a hand, just as strength does not alter character.” She puts a hand on Mipha’s shoulder. “Grow as he might, there is no doubt in my mind that he is the same boy as he’s always been.” Urbosa looks up in the direction of Zelda. “Whether you realize it or not.”

Ok so, scene’s not done yet, BUT quick gush on the dialogue flow here. I’m trying to establish parallels in these character perspectives based on the flow of conversation. We started with Mipha who, like I said, wished to grow stronger along with Link. This flows into Revali who also has a similar parallel as he wishes to grow above Link’s shadow. But the distinction between Mipha and Revali is that Mipha think’s Link’s strength is earned, and Revali thinks he cheated, gaining authority through a magic sword, and not through merit and skill. Thus, leading to Revali’s perspective of Link being exactly the same as he’s always been, he believes the sword doesn’t change anything. Urbosa then speaks, because she thinks exactly the same thing. However, her distinction is that Link is the same as he’s always been: a determined young boy earned his place and cares for his friends. Then she looks to Zelda who, as we know, will develop a perspective that contradicts this. So you get it? This scene is like 20 seconds long but it already mirrors nearly all the character parallels and perspective, that’s why the flow of dialogue is important. And I know half of you probably think these kinds of details are a stretch but I promise you it’s not, just look at any movie or show ever and I guarantee you can find similar stuff there too. Ok moving on moving on— 

Urbosa looks up at Zelda, comments her, “He’s the same boy, whether you realize it or not” piece of dialogue. Camera shifts back to Zelda and Link, who, idk if I mentioned this, but in the scene there’s enough distance between the Champions and Zelda and Link that the Champions can speak without the other two listening. So they didn’t hear any of this. 

So the camera is back on Zelda, and now we can get her “How can I…..If I am unable to awaken my inner power….” line. Eggbot senses her sadness, does his little cheer up dance, Zelda gets a flashback.

One small change I wanna make to this flashback: Instead of just a baby Zelda going “nighty-night” I want there to ALSO be a figure in the background behind eggbot wearing a silk royal blue dress. And said woman has blonde hair and she’s by the table back there. We don’t have to show her face or anything because Nintendo hates that. Just place the woman somewhere in the back somewhere

Also possibly you could add the shadow of another figure by the doorway, maybe? It would serve good continuity purposes for the plot points that I’m telling, but that part is not as necessary. I just need at least the woman there. 

Then Zelda is like “I remember you” to eggbot and all that and blah blah… Now, instead of Impa offscreen just yelling “enemy ahead!” I just want it to be a full on ambush. Not like a major one, but just enough where the group is surprised a bit. Maybe on the cliffs above, a lizalfo throws a boomerang, or a bokoblin shoots and arrow, or even just throws a rock. I don’t really care. I just need this to happen because…

As soon as this danger is presented, Link turns around to grab Zelda’s hand and they start running again. And he can like use his body to try and shield her a bit, I need it to parallel how he acted during Chapter 1 on the road to the Royal Tech Lab. However, this parallel has one important distinction because…

Zelda rips he grip from Link’s after a moment. “You don’t need to coddle me!” She says, or something along those lines. “Y-You...You’re the hero aren’t you! I’m perfectly fine, you don’t need to spend your precious time playing babysitter to me.” In the distance, a horde of monsters is beginning to form. Zelda looks between the monsters and Link’s Master Sword, her expression unreadable. “Well? Just...just go do what you need to do.” Link hesitates, looking between her, and the approaching monsters. Zelda speaks more sternly now, “Go!” So Link, not one to disregard an order from the Princess, gives one last look to Zelda before setting off towards the monsters. Maybe Zelda can take a deep breath to steady herself after he leaves, but as soon as Link unsheathes his sword, the metal glistening in the setting sunlight, it cuts immediately to gameplay. Start battle. 

For essays’ purposes this is the part where I explain why this is better than the original. So here’s my reasoning:

Uhhh, it just is. :3

Ok but seriously, I’ve already talked a tone about why the pacing and dialogue flow is better than the original. But also this scene doesn’t just say “Ooo Zelda is sad about her powers,” because that’s not interesting. Like I said, it’s redundant information. What is interesting is see how characters deal with that internal conflict and how it affects their relationships. AKA Zelda’s relationship with Link, who now basically embodies the success that she’s been working so hard towards but never achieved, is deteriorating a bit. I wanted to get that sense of the Zelda that we see in Breath of the Wild because all things considered, they should be roughly the same character.

So that’s that, you fight the battle, the Hollows show up a bit, so insert “dark evil Champion” dialogue because if you’re gonna use the evil clone trope might as well use it to the fullest. Then you fight the Talus and hurray horrah the day is saved. 

Then we have that iconic Urbosa motherly pep talk to Zelda as Link eats rocks in the background. Now honestly, I’m not that big a fan of the first half of the dialogue, so I wanna change it into something more interesting. But the rest of the beats and camera work go roughly the same. 

Zelda: “Link is...so much stronger now”

Urbosa: “‘And yet I have not.’ I presume that’s what you’re thinking, hmm?”

Zelda: “Well it’s true, isn’t it? More and more, monsters have been appearing around Hyrule. It is a sign that the Calamity draws near. So...there isn’t much time. And still, no sign of my power awakening.”

Urbosa: *sighs* “Little bird…”

Zelda cuts her off, in an attempt to change topics: “Why do you call me that?”

Urbosa: “Hmm?”

Zelda: “Little bird...I feel like I’ve heard it before. Why do you call me that?”

Urbosa, after a beat looks off in the distance or something: “A long time ago, my dear friend would call me to the palace, or perhaps invite herself over to mine, [she chuckles] ...and she would talk with me all day, and ask me to gaze upon her little bird with her. Her dearest daughter...a princess”

Zelda: “You mean my…”

Urbosa just smiles with a soft nod: “Back then, times were a bit different. The destiny that you have was still upon the Queen, who worked day and night to refine her powers and fulfill her destiny. In just a few short years, I went from being friends with a Queen, to friends with the destined sealer of the Calamity.”

Another pause, before Urbosa speaks again: “But...she was still the same woman I had grown with. Still the same loving mother who spoke about her little bird with joy. She had not changed one bit.”

Urbosa: “Even when your mother passed, her loving smile was there until the very end. She always loved you—believed in you, Zelda. She had great hope, great faith that her daughter would grow into the beacon of light Hyrule needed. That even with her gone, you would spread your wings and fly, because you were just that amazing to her.” *Urbosa puts her hands on Zelda’s shoulders.*

Urbosa: “Destiny did not change your mother’s love, just as it does not change Link’s courage, or your value.” *the camera can pan to Link eating rocks now*

Urbosa looks directly at Zelda now: “Look how hard we’ve all worked to get this far, how hard you have worked to get here. While we may grow in strength, in that regard, we’re all one in the same.”

Zelda: “...I….well…”

Urbosa: “What did the Great Deku Tree say? There is no need to fret princess.”

Urbosa: “Our faith, Link’s, your mother’s, it’s all as strong as ever. And everyday, with every moment that you travel towards your destiny, it just grows. It is always with us. So believe in that, have hope, yet, little bird.” *Eggbot can scurry up and make cute noises here next to Zelda*

Urbosa: “I know, you are where you need to be. You must accept that too.”

Zelda: “...”

Zelda gives a solemn nod: “Thank you, Urbosa.”

So that’s that scene! Don’t let the length fool you, it’s technically even shorter than the original scene in Age of Calamity. So why is it, in my opinion, better? Because for one, we actually get an insight into Zelda’s mom and Urbosa’s relationship, something that was PROMISED To us but never given and I’m still a bit salty about it. Anyhow, in addition to just getting some lore details, that relationship between the Queen and Urbosa is important for this scene because, just like Urbosa spells out, it’s in direct parallel with Link and Zelda. 

Before the Queen suddenly got sick and died, she was destined to seal the Calamity. But she didn’t let that destiny change her, she was still the same loving mother to the end. Now that is something that Zelda needs to realize about Link, as his newly acquired destiny doesn’t change who he was before, the knight who cares for her and wishes to protect her. Zelda needs to realize he’s the same and that she can still trust and confide in him. Hence, that’s why this mom backstory is in this scene and not somewhere else, because it serves to the narrative but also more impactfully to the character development. 

The dialogue could probably be polished a bit more but come on, not half bad for an improvement yeah? So that concludes Chapter—

SIKE we’re not done yet. We still have to move into the entire point of this stage, the road home, to the castle. 

So, badabing badaboom, I’m adding an entirely new scene from scratch right here at the end, because it is VITAL that I set up something new about the story, as a sort of clincher. So anyhow 

Zelda is alone with her father, let’s set it in the royal library (Intact, not ruined, of course) because we don’t see enough of that location and it’s really cool. So Zelda is briefing her dad about the events in Korok Forest and on the journey back home. I know I always gush about cinematography but it can’t be fully appreciated since I’m….writing,,, this, BUT I think it might be fun if the side shots of Zelda have her background be some bookcases of the library, maybe half bookcases and the other half the ornate walls. Then the background for the King’s shots is the full symmetry of the elegant staircases.

[And if you needed the specific reasoning for that, because it makes camera shots more fun. Like when Zelda says something that aids in her scholarly side, the camera angle can change slightly where the bookcases take up more of the frame, and then when the King’s will takes more power, then the book cases can be angled a bit more out of frame. And then the symmetry of the King by the staircase is a way to show his higher power dynamic to her, and contrasts well with Zelda’s shots since the bookcases are dark and the stone is lighter, so on a meta level is also makes it easier for the audience to understand where they are. Shot composition is fun ok, and that’s not even getting into color theory (Thinks about Baby Driver and LaLaLand....even videogames like Undertale and Hollow Knight have such wonderful shot composition and use of color theory hhhhh love it)]

Ok so Zelda’s briefing the King in the library, she’s standing while he’s sitting at a desk. There’s maybe two or four Royal Guards on the staircase entrances, but for the most part, they’re alone. You can tell that this meeting between them has been going on for a bit now, as from Zelda’s dialogue, she’s retelling events midway through the story. 

The King is flipping through some paperwork, not really looking Zelda in the eyes. She continues speaking. 

“And so...with the malice cleared and the monsters being dealt with, Link and I made our way into the heart of Korok Forest.”

The King hums a response, flipping through another page. “And this is when Link pulled out the Sword that Seals the Darkness then, I presume.”

Zelda paused, as of thinking of how to phrase her next words. “Not exactly. I...we both encountered someone beforehand. A man, with a pale face, and dark hair and robes, and he had the power to control malice, using a strange object in one of his hands.” 

Rhoam stops writing in his journal or whatever. He doesn’t look up, but the sudden stop he makes is obvious. Zelda notices, but continues. 

“He talked about...the Calamity, and my birthday...destiny, and the future….I’m not quite sure I can remember his intentions word for word. But he did introduce himself as—“

“Astor…” Zelda and the King say simultaneously. The King has fully perked up now, looking at Zelda. She’s pleased to see a reaction from him. The King rises from his chair, and starts pacing a bit, stroking his beard thoughtfully like the asshole he is. 

“So you know him then? This Astor man? Who is he, father? What does he—“

“Were you alright? Did he hurt you, or mention anything else?”

Zelda pauses for a moment before shaking her head, as if the concern he was expressing was uncharacteristic. “N-No. No, I’m fine, and Link was there. During the battle, as Link fought him off, that was when the sword was pulled. Then Astor fled, or...” Zelda pauses for a beat, “retreated...he expressed his wish to speak with me again.”

Another beat of silence, as Rhoam gets up, hands clasped behind his back. “He used to work at this very palace.” The shot is now directly on Rhoams back, as he faces a bookcase, although it’s clear that he’s just deep in thought, and not just staring at books. Rhoam is in third column of the shot (he’s to the right, not in the center) 

“A trusted advisor. Someone gifted with foresight, who many years ago, had first predicted the coming Calamity.” Cut to shot of Rhoams face, the camera being by the bookcase, so that we see Rhoam’s expression and Zelda’s.

“In truth, I thought him dead. For the last time I saw him alive—truly, truly alive—was ten long years ago...” The shot goes back to the original establishing shot, of Rhoam facing away from the camera, towards the bookcase, he’s standing to the right, hands still clasped behind his back.

“...when your mother still graced this earth.”

From left frame, a younger Astor walks up and stands beside Rhoam. He runs his fingers along the books. Rhoam looks to his left, as if he is seeing Astor. Camera cuts to Astor’s right, as if looking at him from Rhoam’s perspective. He continues brushing his fingers against the spines of the books, before he finds the one he’s looking for. Pulling it out, he opens the book, flipping through its pages, before giving a genuine smile. Cut back to wide angle behind them. With the book, Astor starts walking back out left frame, but this time the camera follows him. Filter fade to a memory tint as the camera pans right to left

[when the camera fades fully into the Astor memory, the figures can have that silhouetted effect like you see in botw. Cause I know Nintendo hates making new character models for some reason.] 

So if it wasn’t clear already, even though the memory filter doesn’t come immediately, Astor isn’t actually there, but it’s just a flashback. I’m a sucker for merges, which is something this game and botw NEVER do which bugs me because there are so many creative ways you could introduce flashbacks without just doing “ooOooOoo fade to sepia filter and then oooOOooOOO we fade back to reality and no time has passed.” I apologize if my explanation of the camera doesn’t make sense as it’s hard without much visual aid, but hopefully it makes sense so far. Anyhow! Let’s continue.

We’re now fully immersed in this memory, but King Rhoam’s voice still narrates overhead. 

Astor brings the book to one of the desks in the library, where a woman sits writing something onto paper. News flash, it’s the queen. Astor hands her the book and starts speaking about something, although you can tell the tone of their conversation is light, almost akin to Zelda rambling about Sheikah Technology. The Queen laughs about something unheard, as Astor continues ranting about something, his hands moving to like a professor giving a lecture. 

Rhoam Narration: “When he had first predicted the Calamity, things were much more hopefully for our kingdom. As although his foresight granted him only glimpses and fragments of a future, he was almost certain that with the Guardians, and the strength of your mother’s power, our victory would be absolute.”

Scene changes to the Queen walking down a corridor, Astor is leaning against the wall by a window. 

Rhoam Narration: “He and your mother would often work together tirelessly to study the ancient arts, to make the most of the powers given by the goddess.”

The Queen has walked up to Astor now. She crouches down and gestures to her left, the side not yet seen by the camera.

Rhoam Narration: “In fact…”

The camera changes to focus to where the Queen was looking towards—a young Zelda, crouched behind her mother’s dress, stares up at Astor. 

Rhoam Narration: “I would not be surprised if you found within yourself, a memory of such.”

I would prefer if you could see the expressions of Astor (giving Zelda not a smile, but not really a frown or anything rude either) and young Zelda. But I guess it can also just be silhouettes too cause again, Nintendo hates giving us younger character models outside of first person POV stuff. Anyhow. 

The scene fades, the light from the window dimming as everything darkens.

Rhoam Narration: “I often times wish we could go back to such a time, when victory and pride swam in every corner of this castle.  But of course…”

The scene brightens again, although not as bright as before. It’s the exact same corridor with the large window, but now it’s raining. A young Zelda stands alone in front of it, looking outside.

Rhoam Narration: “Such a time did end…”

We now cut to a new scene, King Rhoam is walking down a hall, the camera’s perspective is of a bird’s eye view, like we’re peering in from outside a window. We can see the shadow of Astor chasing after him, as he starts speaking frantically about something, not quite, but almost to the point of shouts. 

Rhoam Narration: “After your mother died, the visions of the future shifted drastically. No longer was there glimpses of rolling fields and shimmering skies, but instead, of rubble, red earth, and death.”

You can now more clearly hear the words coming out of Astor’s mouth. He is telling something about failure, and souls, and the Calamity to the King’s ear. He’s still walking forward.

Rhoam Narration: “He was adamant that our demise was now coming faster than ever, and that without your mother, we were doomed. That even you, should you take up your mother’s mantle, could not save everyone.”

Astor: “I’m telling you Your Majesty, if you go down this path, there is no going back.”

King Rhoam: “There is no other choice, we are moving forward.”

Astor: “I don’t think you quite understand the true gravity of the fate you’re choosing for yourself. It is a guarantee that you, me, and countless others shall die.”

King Rhoam: “I don’t want to hear it.”

Astor: “And of course, there are a multitude of possibilities, but the end result is the same.”

Astor: “Do you have a preference, perhaps? Crushed by rubble? Suffocation under ash?”

Rhoam’s tone is deadly: “Stop.”

Astor: “I’ve seen fire too. I’m not yet quite sure the exact circumstances that lead to flame appearing and spreading so quickly, but rest assured that if you—”

King Rhoam: “Stop.” 

Astor: “If you saddle someone else with this duty I am absolutely certain that you and I will—” 

King Rhoam, voice not shouting, but still with a booming intensity: “Just like you were so certain of our victory 10 years ago?”

Astor’s face darkens. He’s silent for a moment, collecting his words before practically spitting the first articulation: “...That, future, was the one that would come to be if Her Majesty was alive. If you’re so unsatisfied with my departed wisdom you can go ahead and flail around with destiny alone. You think I choose for these events to happen? You think I lie when I saw I want what’s best for this kingdom—”

King Rhoam: “What’s best for you.”

An ugly pause.

King Rhoam: “It is decided, Seer. It’s time you accept this. My wife is dead. That is the truth. Thus the role of sealing the Calamity shall pass to my daughter. She will work to awaken her own ability. It will be her duty to save us.”

Astor half laughs: “A child?! Surely you don’t need the supernatural to see how foolish that is.”

King Rhoam’s voice is even more stern: “You are living proof that the future is not absolute. Therefore I...must place all belief in her ability.”

The King walks away, leaving Astor alone. Weirdly, he smiles. Perhaps to mask some other emotion.  

After another moment, Astor yells to the King: “I’ll fix this! Alone if I must!” He’s chuckling as he shakes his head. “Your useless faith may cost many lives, but even so mark my words, I will fix this.”

The King looks back, but says nothing, his expression unreadable. He continues forward, leaving Astor alone chuckling, or perhaps something in between chuckling and crying to himself.  

Rhoam Narration: “We haven’t spoken since that day. I simply left him to his devices. If he was so determined to find another way to stop the Calamity, then who was I to stop him. I doubt my word could have swayed his mind regardless.

We’re now looking at a room, the camera is just by the doorway, looking at an office, circular and domed. It’s stone brick walls are covered in parchment and ripped books, covered in symbols and frantic writing. An old Sheikah tapestry hangs crudely on the left wall, and the window on the right seems to tint grey, or even a deepest crimson. Centerframe, is the back of Astor, robe hanging just above the paper ridden floor. He is flipping through something on his desk. 

Rhoam Narration: “Fixated as he was on the perfect future that you mother might have led, I still had hope that with time, he might still assist you with your destiny one day.”

The camera slowly comes closer to Astor. We can see more clearly the type of stuff that sprawls the papers and books and diagrams across his office. Some depict stars and constellations, and even a few notes on Ancient Technology, although in a noticeably cleaner font. However, as the camera moves close and closer to Astor, the papers and books depict only one clear topic: the aura of death that comes only with necromancy. 

Rhoam Narration: “It seems…”

Astor finally reacts to whatever he was doing on his desk. You don’t see his eyes, but as he fully turns around to face the camera, you see his smile, along with him holding a dark orb of unknown energy. It hovers in his hand. 

Rhoam Narration: “...I was mistaken.” 

The camera cuts to a wide angle, looking at Astor from behind a stack of books on his desk. The stack of books on Astor’s desk brighten in color (from the memory dull filter), until the scene fully fades back into the Royal Library. The camera is now focused on a similar stack of books on the desk behind Zelda, where Rhoam was working before. 

Zelda is still looking at her father, who is still turned away. Now, he turns back around to face her.

“He had disappeared completely one day, so it was my understanding that whatever he was working on killed him. However, if he is truly back as you say…”

Rhoam walks closer to Zelda, close enough that he might have put a hand on her shoulder, but his arms stay behind his back.

“It is in your utmost interest to prove him wrong. I know not what he plans on doing, but it would be wise to stop him before he does.”

Rhoam turns away now, pacing back to the otherside of the desk. “But, your more important priority is unlocking your powers, understand? Now more than ever, is not the time to get distracted.”

Zelda, taking this all in, takes a deep breath. She then nods at him. “I understand...Father.”

After a moment, the King makes a motion as if to dismiss her. She starts to walk away, her thoughts churning in her head, heart thumping to the same beat as her echoing footsteps. Suddenly, Rhoam calls, 

“Zelda.” It’s not a question, but the tone is asked like one.

She turns back, looking at him, expectantly. Rhoam only stares at her, an uncharacteristic moment of uncertainty for him. The words he wants to form seem stuck in his throat, until finally, he lets out a quiet breathe through his nose, before simply saying:

“You must.”

Zelda can only frown, her shoulder’s slumping slightly, as she ducks her head and leaves.

- - - - - - 

And that’s that! That’s the complete end of Chapter 3. So tune in next time for Chapter 4, including a new slight but important story changes, Yiga husbands, and shocking turns of events.

Edit: I forgot that posts with link’s dont show up in tag results so a rb is appreciated :p

#Hwaoc: The Kip Cut #fuck this is the biggest one yet #hwaoc #age of calamity #hwaoc rewrite #hw age of calamity #hyrule warriors age of calamity

[magireco]

ive never played/watched magireco but do you think the large cast is a part of iroha just being seen as “madoka 2” ?? ive never touched the thing because from what i know its much darker than the original anime, but i do know there’s like 20 thousand megucas in the game and each of them has their own story, so there’s plenty of characters that could be seen as more interesting. theres also the fact that a lot of people dont like gacha games (and magireco, other than being one, is sexualized quite a bit so that probably makes people steer away from it as well, but that’s another topic) and magireco NA no longer exists anyways so it’s harder to actually understand the new content, plus as far as i’m aware season 2 of the magireco anime has not been confirmed to be planned? correct me if i’m wrong on that though

hi!! i have a lot to cover with this ask, so i’m going to answer your questions as neatly as i can in a fun little numbered list. read under the cut!

1. what do you mean by large cast? if you’re talking about how there’s more characters in the game/anime than in the original series, then i don’t think that really has anything to do with iroha. it might just be to garner fans’ collective interest since the original anime hit it off so hard. also, it’s just really hard to please huge collectives of people, especially really critical anime fans... *shiver.*

2. i think iroha bearing a similar resemblance to madoka was used to draw old fans back in, as well as living up to the tradition of all “main character” magical girls having pink hair. iroha and yachiyo were probably meant to resemble madoka and homura at least design-wise, and also seeing iroha, madoka, and homura together in one image is visually appealing; the colors and the familiar faces next to a new face are nice to look at.

3. magia record is not nearly as dark as the original series! in the anime, there are no main-cast deaths. this does not inherently prove that a show isn’t dark, but literally, the only onscreen death is of yachiyo’s friend from her original team, and that was in a flashback... rather than slowly losing characters as the story goes on, it starts off with iroha alone, then she meets other magical girls and they form a team, etc. i go on about this on my blog bc, once again, in my opinion, magia record has much more hopeful undertones and actually gives the girls a chance to, well... live. it’s an alternate timeline(that madokami can’t interfere with, there’s lore to that) wherein glasses homura is the homura featured(she actually gets a lot of character growth in the game), the main quintet is all together, the mikazuki villa crew really are just the found family trope combined in a little package. 

4. there are a few reasons for there being a lot of characters in the game, one of them being that they literally adapted every spinoff into the game. oriko magica, tart magica, suzune magica, kazumi magica... all those characters are there. then they added a bunch of side characters, which, i dunno? there are some side characters i really like and others i just kind of don’t really care about. but they really grow on you! .... most of them. 

5. yeah, blegh. the game certainly has its flaws(the whole series does, but that’s another ask for another day). the anime is much, much less fanservicey though! i have my gripes about the designs and i certainly have my gripes about the way the characters are drawn sometimes (looking at you, swimsuit mami artist), but with me being an experienced gacha player (unfortunately) that was just something i decided to put up with in exchange for a fun story. i can see why people might get the misconception that the anime is just as sexualized, though. i don’t like the main characters’ designs that much, honestly... they all show too much skin, so i agree. weird.

6. season 2 was confirmed! 

7. NA was discontinued right after the first arc of the series. disappointing (oh, i could go on), but we got to see a lot of iroha’s character development in the story.

8. what i was really trying to get across with that post was really just to gripe about in-fandom stuff. there are plenty of other characters that could be seen as more interesting than iroha, especially considering the mikazuki villa girls are all so varied, but that’s kind of how it is with every series, honestly. there’s always going to be one character that seems less interesting compared to other ones. i just kind of realized that iroha gets the short end of the stick compared to the other girls. not only because of her resemblance to madoka, but because of her perceived blandness and the lack of people who care to analyze why she might act that way. her pink motif and gentle, kind demeanor translates as “madoka copy” in people’s heads, and, y’know, it translated like that in mine the first time i saw her, too. but, when you actually think about her arc aside from her resemblance to madoka in several different ways, you get a really interesting and special character; just as special as the others! there was a similar issue with madoka, honestly, with people brushing her off because she wasn’t as “emotionally deep” as the rest of the quintet, even though that’s not true at all. i think it’s unfair that people will brush off a character just because they’re nice; that they’ll reduce characters like iroha and madoka to their cuteness and kindness only and not analyze the rest of the details that they have intentionally(or sometimes unintentionally, y’know how anime writing can be) been written with! 

...but then again, i’m biased in my own way, admittedly. i relate to iroha (i really just made that post because i was thinking about how i’ve never seen someone touch on how her memory gaps affect her), and i just wasn’t seeing any coverage on it, so i thought, someone has to do this! i also just... don’t see people who coin themselves as “iroha fans” very often? she’s one of the characters who is there, but usually not deemed interesting enough for someone to be a superfan of. i’m probably hypocritical, considering homura akemi is my favorite character and she’s pretty popular in the fandom, but what i said is more of an observation than an accusation anyway. i had similar feelings with madoka, but i haven’t gone on a proper ramble about that yet. 

...these characters also aren’t real people, so i’d say i probably shouldn’t go on such long rambles about them, but i really do feel like they reflect a lot of real life experiences sometimes. like, me connecting to iroha’s struggles is something that connects her character to an actual experience. however, like i said in my original post, i am very much an overanalyzer, and i tend to take concepts and just run with them, especially when something stands out to me. this is also just a magical girl show, so i’m really not taking anything that personally. 

also, to clear anything up, the original post wasn’t meant to come across as me being angry, per se, at people who think iroha is boring, it just kind of ticks me off that she’s brushed off so quickly in the larger fandom because of her demeanor. this doesn’t really apply to people who aren’t into the series at all yet, because i’d literally also think “okay so we have madoka, and madoka with a hood” if i were in your shoes! also, people are allowed to dislike characters for no reason. i’m just silly and go on long defensive rants over the sad magical girls, and would probably be sad if people didn’t like iroha because of the reasons i mentioned. 

all in all, i do reccomend magia record very much if you can get past the sexualization of the gacha cards and the, um... poorly designed outfits. because the NA server has been shut down, there are channels on youtube that graciously upload videos of the in-game stories as well as side stories! in the game, there are sometimes entire side stories for characters’ outfits. because it’s a gacha game, there are events and such, and the event stories i’ve seen and/or read (most of the ones i’ve read have to do with homura though) are a lot of fun. i reccommend checking out muffinrecord’s channel if you’d like to read any of the stories (hopefully you’re the type of person who can sit and watch live2d models move around with boxes of text on the bottom for 25 minutes like me). they have everything sorted into playlists in that section of their youtube. of course, i also reccomend watching the anime, if you’re interested! the animation is polished and nice, even if the story is a little hard to follow at times. but if not, that’s okay too. 

thank you for the ask, and i hope i could clear some things up for you!

#asks #anon #i am so sorry for all this text

[jessiohhh]

One of my best friends @ahufflepuffhobbit tagged me in this long list of things to help us get to know each other, and I’m just so glad to learn more things about her! So I’m going to tag @the-angry-pixie, @s-s-georgie, and @purebloodqueen (and anyone else who wants to join in!) with no pressure to these three to actually complete this! It’s long.

1. Do you prefer writing with a black pen or blue pen? I’m a pen snob. I prefer black G2 pens, but I’ll also write with blue or make notes with red on paper copies of reports and things (just so I can feel like a professional at some point in my life). I don’t mind the colors so much as I mind the pen. G2 only for my personal life (bic when I know the pens will be stolen).

2. Would you prefer to live in the country or city? I lived in Boston for 4 years, and I liked some parts of it. Now I live in a smaller city outside of Boston (around 100k people) and I love it here, but the art scene and the queer spaces are ample and I really like my job.

3. If you could learn a new skill what would it be? Outside of becoming a better writer, I really want to learn how to cook better and do better food presentations so I can make a “food blog” and become famous for learning how to cook better and teaching people how to cook better.

4. Do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar? Yes, I just do a regular regular (2 cream, 2 sugar) for coffee, but for tea I prefer honey.

5. What was your favourite book as a child? Under 5, I read The Cay with my dad and loved it. Under 8, I read Goodnight, Mr. Tom, a book about a child evacuee from London which got me started on my WWII history obsession. Under 10, I became obsessed with The Outsiders (which is still my favorite book to this day). Under 13, The Only Alien on the Planet. Under 15, Harry Potter (unfortunately, the author has ruined the series for me). Under 18, I fell in love with this book about a young teen dad, and I’ve never been able to find the book again.

6. Do you prefer baths or showers? I’m totally a baths person, but no tubs are quite the right fit, so when I’m rich and famous I’m getting myself a soaker tub and I will live in that damn thing (I have dreams that my grandmother had a soaker tub--which she did--that she never used--which she didn’t--but I would sneak into her house to use her soaker tub--which unfortunately never happened. Can you tell how stressed I am by nature? I just need a soaker tub with a bath bomb and like 4 hours to myself).

7. If you could be a mythical creature, which one would it be? Hmm... I just want to be your average garden variety hedge witch. 

8. Paper or electronic books? Either/or. I suck at reading these days. I just don’t have the attention span. Give me a book and I’ll probably only read half regardless of electronic or paper. (#badwriter, #readmore)

9. What is your favourite item of clothing? I quite like capri leggings. They’re my typical go-to wardrobe choice. 

10. Do you like your name or would you like to change it? I don’t feel like Jessica really fits me that much anymore, but I’m comfortable with Jess.

11. Who is a mentor to you? I would classify one of my college professors, but she just “unfriended” me on facebook because of differing viewpoints (neither are wrong, but her view of what I was saying wasn’t accurate). So I might be in the market for a new mentor.

12. Would you like to be famous and if so, what for? Sure, in some regards, I suppose. A part of me has always wanted to be “famous” but really I’d just take my 15 minute spotlight and be happy with that. I’d really like to be on one of those cooking competition shows (only a nice British TV one, not an American one), or I’d like to have fans on youtube and have a really cool youtube channel, or I’d like to be a writer with some really good books published... or even just a child development theorist. Whatever. Gimme my 15 minutes!

13. Are you a restless sleeper? Relatively, yes. I’m up to pee, to toss and turn, with nightmares. I’m someone who talks in their sleep and who thinks that their dreams are happening in the waking world--so I respond verbally to things dream characters say.

14. Do you consider yourself a romantic person? I think I’m a romantic at heart, but I have few people to express that side with.

15. Which element best represents you? My sign is water, but I’m definitely more fire.

16. Who do you want to be closer to? I don’t really have anyone that I’m afraid of being close to, but I wouldn’t mind having a datemate. Find me someone to fit that role, please.

17. Do you miss someone at the moment? I think a part of me will always miss my brother, and I’m close to my mother but prefer that we have a bit of space between us (we’re too similar). I think there’s this thing where you miss things you’ve never had, because I totally miss feeling part of a close knit friend group.

18. Tell us about an early childhood memory. I played alone as a kid a lot, and in my backyard we had a swing set that I would play on a lot. There were horses in the field beside the back yard, and a donkey in the field behind it and in the woods on the other side of the house were a bunch of feral cats. I remember swinging on the swings and hearing something make a god awful sound that I had never heard before (and it sounded really close to me) and I remember panicking and running straight for the house. My dad told his version of the story; he looked out and saw me, eyes wide as saucers, pale as a sheet, running in as fast as my little legs could carry me. 

Admittedly, this is also the house where I’m pretty sure I saw aliens peeking in my bedroom window, so was it supernatural or just an animal? I’ll never know.

19. What is the strangest thing you have eaten? I’m down to eat almost anything; I ate a baby octopus once, and didn’t really like it. It was too spicy and too chewy.

20. What are you most thankful for? The job I have; I feel incredibly supportive by my supervisor and incredibly thankful to have such wonderful families I get to support every day.

21. Do you like spicy food? I used to... and then I became too white.

22. Have you ever met someone famous? I once spoke on the phone with Hal Sparks (a friend was at a comedy show of his and called me in the middle of the night so he could say hello to me). I’ve also brushed past a few other people while in New York City or in Florida, but nothing super memorable. 

23. Do you do you keep a diary or journal? I try to, but then I forget for a year and then I write a page that’s like “well this has happened in the last year.” and I do that every year I keep the physical journal. Sometimes I do write down tarot interpretations and things like that as they pertain to my life at the time.

24. Do you prefer to use a pen or a pencil? Mostly pens. Occasionally pencils, but mostly pens. 

25. What is your star sign? Cancer

26. Do you like your cereal soggy or crunchy? Ew. Crunchy. Who eats soggy cereal?

27. What would you want your legacy to be? I want to be able to continue supporting families even after I’ve gone... through a foundation or through a child developmental theory book... we’ll see.

28. Do you like reading, what was the last book you read? I enjoy reading, but I’m pretty sure I have an undiagnosed case of ADHD, and I’ve been chasing the high of going into hyperfocus ever since I was a child--I haven’t stayed up all night reading since my teens and I miss that.

29. How do you show someone you love them? I’m very much a words of affirmation sort of person, and a quality time person. Gimme a day out with a friend or someone I care about and I’ll compliment who they are as a person about 800 times, and if you give me a task to do, I’ll love you forever.

30. Do you like ice in your drinks? Yeah, I’m an ice cruncher.... I know it’s bad, but it’s so good.

31. What are you afraid of? I don’t have a lot of fears, but I think fear that my mom would pass unexpectedly is a big one. I don’t know how I’d get through life without her support and guidance. I also fear panic attacks (not the triggers themselves, but the panic attacks that I have every now and again).

32. What is your favourite scent? I have this incense called Opium that I love... I also love the smell right as it starts to rain, the ocean, sometimes sunny days have a really nice smell too... 

33. Do you address older people by their name or surname? I don’t typically say people’s names, but if I have to address someone, I’ll usually say, “Ma’am or sir” until they tell me to call them by their first names.

34. If money was not a factor, how would you live your life? I mean, honestly, I’d still be doing the same thing, but I’d be considering buying my own house and having a kid... two of the things I really want but can not afford right now.

35. Do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean? I prefer to be in the water at the ocean as compared to a pool (the chlorine kills me), but if I’m going to swim I prefer to do that in a pool... because I don’t trust myself to swim in the ocean--I don’t have enough experience to be a confident ocean swimmer even though I’m a fairly good swimmer in general.

36. What would you do if you found £50 on the ground? Look around to see if anyone has lost it, but then pocket it. Maybe I’d hand it off to a homeless person or someone who looks in need, but that’s me being optimistic that I’d do that.

37. Have you ever seen a shooting star? Yeah, I drove through the Pleiades meteor shower one year, and saw about 15 shooting stars in 10 minutes. I also stood on top of Mount Lee in Hollywood (where the hollywood sign sits) and saw a shooting star there. Once I was up in Maine and laying in the grass with some friends and saw a shooting star there too... you just have to be in a place that’s dark enough, and it’s likely you’ll see some flaming space trash crash into the earth.

38. What is the one thing you would want to teach your children? I would like to have children to teach them, but I’m worried that won’t happen because $$ and society suck. But I really try to teach the children that I love in my life how to be a good, kind, person, and how to treat others with respect. I try to teach consent early and often. I try to teach loving yourself as you are and how you are, and that who you are is deserving of love, no matter what happens in your life. I try to teach them that they are not perfect (no one is), but that you can amend your actions and make reparations to the people you have harmed with your actions, and that even though you have made a mistake as long as you are taking steps to correct your mistake you are a good person and always worthy of love. 

39. If you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it? I already have them, but I would like more. But again... $$.

40. What can you hear now? The roomba just turned on. It’s definitely time for bed.

41. Where do you feel the safest? In my room, in my home.

42. What is the one thing you want to overcome/conquer? Feeling unworthy of love.

43. Of you could travel back to any era, what would it be? I’m not really interested anymore in going back into previous times... the past was only idealistic to white people, and people of color have had a shitty time in every era so I’m good. Take me to a time when racism is done and then we’ll talk.

44. What is your most used emoji? the crying laughing cat face

45. Describe yourself using one word. Intense.

46. What do you regret the most? I don’t know that I have a lot of regrets. I regret when people misinterpret what I mean when I say something that wasn’t explained well. I regret individuals who have exited my life that have chosen to do so of their own volition. But they aren’t things that I had a lot of control over, so I don’t regret them very much.

47. Last movie you saw? Hamilton. I quite appreciated being able to see it finally.

48. Last tv show you watched? I watch a lot of paranormal tv... just because it’s something to put on... actually I fall asleep to a lot of paranormal tv. If I were to see a ghost, I probably wouldn’t react that much because I just sleep through the weird shit they do on tv, so... what up ghost?

49. Invent a word and it’s meaning. I don’t tend to invent words... I do like putting words together in new ways though and telling different stories. Maybe I’ll do that sometime.

#about me #tagged

[mysticsparklewings]

The Dream Crosser

Surprise! NaPoWriMo didn't kill me (and I'm not abandoning dA because of the incoming Eclipse update either, more on that situation here), I just needed a week off to recuperate...and obsessively play Animal Crossing: New Horizons... Admittedly, I actually drew this well over a month ago (and wrote up the majority of the description!), not just before NaPoWriMo but before I actually had New Horizons in my grasp. The plan was to post it the day I got the game. Which was supposed to be much closer to the game's launch (March 20th). That ended up not happening and the day I got the game was the first day of NaPoWriMo, but 1. I messed up with the non-uniform prompts and spent all of the day trying to catch up so I couldn't even play the game yet, and 2. As a side effect, I ended up having two posts that day and a lot of work to do to catch up the second, and I hardly had time to think about posting this. And even if I had posted it, it would've been drowned in the incoming NaPoWriMo posts. And so, here we are. Really, really, I do have to mention that I truly feel for anyone else still waiting on the game for whatever reason. You have my deepest sympathy and I'm so sorry I can't just give you the game right now and make it better.  I know the wait was hard enough for me, being this is the one game I highly anticipated in over a year and I essentially had the rug yanked out from under me. But I'll save that story for after I talk about the art itself since I'm sure that's what most people are here for and not my pre-order frustrations. So in case you don't know or couldn't tell, this is the lovely Luna from AC: New Leaf's Dream Suite. From what we've seen of New Horizons since it's release, the Dream Suite's functions and purpose have been mostly absolved into the Airport and Dodo Codes, and so I'm very doubtful Luna will actually be in the game in any capacity, which makes me sad. A typical player (including me) wouldn't even necessarily interact with Luna that much in New Leaf unless you really enjoy visiting other towns using Dream Codes, so I'm not sure what it is, but for some reason I just really like her. That's why I picked her to draw to celebrate. I very nearly drew her a long time ago when I was on an Animal Crossing kick in 2018, but at the time I didn't like the idea of pressuring myself into drawing all and/or multiple AC characters just because I wanted to be "fair" to them all (much the same reason I don't draw Pokemon very often), so I ended up drawing One Little Spark, a crossover of the Disney character Figment drawn in the New Leaf style, instead. So in a way, she's had this coming for quite a while. At the time I started working on her, (way back in early March, because I was hoping beyond hope my pre-order would arrive to me actually on launch day, but ha ha ha look who's got egg on her face for that ) I was running a bit dry on artistic motivation, and so while I tried to draw her in my usual manner: Making a sketch, transferring the sketch onto different paper with finalized lines, then picking whichever coloring method I was most into at the time), I was struggling with the sketch. I've had days where I have to work on a sketch for a really long time before I can get something I'm happy with, but this day I was just so not into the whole sketching process. I wanted to create, but I wanted it to be quick and easy and simple. I didn't want to have to poke at it for hours and hours and then still maybe not be happy when I was done. So when I got discouraged enough, I broke away from trying to draw Luna and just drew mandalas instead. (As had become my art-block crutch for a little while.) Somewhere in me, as I worked on other things, I kept going back and forth on what to do about Luna, though. I did still want to draw her, but my usual formula just wasn't working for me. Not for her. I even tried briefly to draw her linelessly, digitally, as what was supposed to be a quick and simple experiment, but that went downhill even faster than sketching did. Although, for some reason, the lineless idea wouldn't leave me alone after that. Finally, I decided to try something completely different. I was going to try and free-handedly draw her, without lines, traditionally. With, primarily, alcohol markers. Honestly, the thought minorly horrifies me now just as much as it did before I started. And yet, here we are and I actually like how it turned out. Allow me to explain how this came together: So, since I wasn't sure how this was going to turn out once I decided to try it, I opted to use my not-so-great mixed media paper so I wouldn't feel guilty about wasting better paper if I ended up hating it. Naturally, this did lead to some notable limitations, but not enough to discourage me from trying. I dove right in with the dark brown for her head and body, focusing on getting the general shapes down. I'd noticed some glaring mistakes in my mostly unproductive sketching when it came to Luna's body proportions, so I tried to keep those things in mind and adjust accordingly as I went. It was scary because there is no erasing this way short of using white paint and because this paper feathers pretty noticeably with markers. Then once I got to a certain point, I had to switch and bring in some pink and off-white markers to draw in parts of her dress so I knew where to put her other arm and her legs. And here is where I technically cheated; I did use my "clear" Stardust Gelly Roll pen to do most of the outlines for her dress. I needed some kind of guideline, but pencil tends to get yucky when you put markers on top and at the time I couldn't really think of a better option. (The joke was kind of on me because somehow I still got a nasty gray line that looked like pencil under her bust that I had to gently edit out later in Photoshop, but I digress.) As I went with the markers, I was also doing some light shading. Not too much, because this paper is really fussy with layers and blending, but enough that I felt like it didn't look completely flat and I could tell where one shape ended and another started. Though, for her nose (trunk? I believe Luna is supposed to be a Tapir) and her raised arm, I had to get a little creative and I used a white brush pen meant for glass/ceramics to put in the lines so you could actually see them. And later I would use the same pen in 3-4 layers to add the white back in for her eyes. With the base for her body, dress, and the bun part of her hair done though, then I had the task of figuring out what to do for her shoes and the details of her face. (Without having to mix and use specific paint for those tiny details.) In the end, I opted to mostly use my classic red Gelly Roll pen for her shoes, and a little bit of a dark red alcohol marker for shading. And then I got to experiment with mixing the classic red and one of the Moonlight Gelly Rolls for her lips so that the color would be visible and not just a dark lip-shaped "what is this." This was because the classic Gelly Rolls don't show up super well on dark surfaces and the Moonlight ones do, but I didn't have the right color straight out of a Moonlight pen. It did take 2-3 careful layers, but I think I managed well enough in the end. I used just one black pen, a Prismacolor brush-tip fine liner, for her eyes, though in-person the white base underneath makes her pupils look about a shade or two lighter from certain angles, which was a very unintentional nice touch. My answer to everything else ended up being gouache, although I did try to come up with pen colors for her eye shadow and the blue dots on her cheeks before admitting defeat that I just didn't have the colors I needed. Originally, I had actually been thinking of trying a lineless art piece with gouache, as I think it would work particularly well for that look, but I wasn't ready to fully commit to the idea, mostly because I seem to be even worse at mixing a non-excessive amount of a specific color with gouache than I am with acrylics, and that sounds like a fantastic way to waste a bunch of palette space because I mixed too much but it's gouache so it can be re-wet and re-use it and I don't want to just throw it away...  (Although I suppose this could be half-way solved by getting a bigger palette specifically for mixing gouache, but I also don't want to have to buy yet another palette when I have some perfectly good ones...If I could just use up all the paint in them already...) Anyway. Point: This is kind of a step between a full lineless gouache piece and not doing one at all. Baby steps, yes? I knew from fairly early on that I was probably going to have to use gouache for the front part of her hair/bangs, since I did not thoroughly plan ahead enough and didn't leave a gap there to do it with markers. Fortunately, I didn't have to do much mixing since my gouache already has a nice yellow ochre color included, and I could use a bit of the other two browns and one I had some leftover mixed already from Roses in Your Eyes for shading. (White for the flowers, too, thank goodness.) And I actually ended up going over most of her bun with gouache too since, by comparison, the marker didn't look like it had much shading and it was bothering me. I did have to mix my own blue and pinky-purple for her makeup, and I ended up with a lot of leftover pinky-purple. But it's kind of okay because by itself it's such a pretty color I'm sure I'll find an excuse to use that one. After that, I just had to do some minor tweaks where the gouache had gotten a bit away from me and then I went ham on the shading for the dress based on my reference photo. Then I realized I wanted some kind of background because this seemed awfully boring without one. And, naturally, I hadn't really planned ahead for that, me being me and being in habit of doing the background last... At first, I wanted to do something hot pink, since her official Amiibo card has a hot pink background, but then I thought that might be a little too loud and I wasn't really sure the best way to apply one without potentially messing her up. And also, this isn't watercolor or paper thicker than 140 lb, which immediately threw watercolor out the window unless I wanted a very uneven paper when I was finished. I'd already pushed my luck with the gouache and been very careful about not using much water with it; I decided it was best not to push my luck any farther. Also, I couldn't use my pink PanPastel, despite that being maybe my best option, because it is still perpetually screwed onto the little Pan Pastel stack with no hope of getting unstuck anytime soon. (One of these days I swear, I will order either another set like the one I have or an individual Pink one to solve this problem, but until then, I am going to bring it up every single time as a caution to others to please be very careful when screwing and unscrewing your own Pan Pastels if you store them screwed together.) And I didn't feel like dragging out some of my drawing pastels and/or makeup that's too expired to use on my face and very slowly building up color and hoping it'll do what the Pan Pastels do. With no better ideas coming to me, I decided I'd leave the drawing for the night and come back to it the next day. After yet more brainstorming the next day, I finally settled on doing a glittery rounded rectangle and filling it with washi tape stripes. This plan did change a little as I figured out which tapes I wanted to use (a purple-y, champagne gold, and light pink ones, the latter two of which look more different in-person than they do on the scan) and as I actually started applying the lines. Partially because this tape is a bit thin and partially because I'm not used to cutting tape around very specific shapes, it took a very long time to both place strips of the tape and then get them cut to fit right up to Luna without looking strange. Once I got to a certain point going in one direction, I realized my next couple of cuts were just going to be too hard for me to stand. I had a choice: Ditch the tape, or figure something else out. Taking a risk, I decided to try and salvage it by doing an almost-plaid/checkerboard with the tape, specifically leaving out certain areas where I knew it would be too tricky to cut the tape. This also turned out to be a good way to use up some of the pieces of tape I'd already cut off that were too small to be used the other way. It's still not the greatest background solution I've ever come up with, but it does the job of making it look less empty, and that's really all I wanted anyway. And you know, compared to official images her proportions look wonky, but by herself (meaning, without comparing the two) I think Luna looks pretty good, actually. (Though, I admit I did have to tweak her right ear in Photoshop because it came out entirely too long and there wasn't really a good way for me to fix it by hand.) To think, this piece started out as such a mess. Or rather, I was such a mess when I started. And yet, here we are, and it looks kinda okay. Okay enough that I finished it and am posting it, at least.   I have no idea if I'll be returning to this style/method for art-making in the future, but even if I don't it was a nice experiment to try, and that's what art is really all about isn't it? Experimenting, trying new things? Speaking of experimenting though, about those pre-order frustrations I mentioned now that I've covered everything about the art itself...(in small text for those that don't care to easily skip over) Back in February I tried twice to pre-order New Horizons from Target, since they were running an ad where if you pre-ordered the game you'd also get an AC themed journal with it, and that combined with my family member's employee discount made it the cheapest/best value way for us to buy the game. As I said, I tried to order it twice. Both times, it was sold out. My family member had even tried to go to the store and have them order it before then, to no avail. After the second time, which was the day after Target sent out the sale paper with the new ad in it, while I was still frustratedly wondering how on earth do you sell out of a pre-order?? I kept refreshing the page every so often just to see if by some fluke it would miraculously not be sold out. I got very lucky around 3 in the afternoon and we managed to get the order in before it sold out again. Now, we're a relatively cheap family, so we didn't pay for the "express shipping" or whatever. Although, this was a $60 game and we were ordering it three whole weeks (on March 2nd) before release. If you ask me, the least they could do is have it shipped out either on launch day (March 20th) or the day after. Especially if I can pre-order a book on Amazon with three days' notice and they can still get it to me on release day. But, okay, I could live with waiting an extra day or up to maybe three if I had to. (And, to be fair, this was all before a certain virus exploded into chaos here in the US.) Much to my dismay, a week before NH release day, I checked the order status with Target only to be told I wouldn't get it until the 26th. A week later. That was pretty disappointing at the time, but it didn't really bother me until the day before and the day of launch when some people were getting their pre-orders early from places like Amazon and Best Buy (and some of them didn't even pay for the express shipping option from their selected source). If those two companies could plan around virus constraints to do that, why in the heck couldn't Target? But, okay, fine. Maybe the virus had something to do with it and they were really doing the best they could. Whatever. A week. Fine. I'll wait a week. A few days later though, we got an email saying: Surprise! Don't expect your dumb video game until April 3rd because we couldn't get our act together! (Okay, that's not what it really said, but that's what it felt like.) And I know, I promise I so know there are much more serious issues going on in the world right now and a video game about talking animals isn't exactly a priority shipment. I know. But it was still massively upsetting after I'd already waited so long. And, honestly, I feel like they had plenty of time and notice to take care of the game before everything else exploded and messed it all up. Again, especially if other companies already had time to even ship orders early and/or get the games to people on launch day. Or the day after. TWO WEEKS after launch, and you don't tell me about the secondary delay until the week I started expecting the game to already be in the mail on it's way to me? The only tiny silver lining is that as I was checking the order to make sure it didn't miraculously get pushed back to sometime in 2021 (because I really had no faith in Target's time estimates at this point) is that it did get bumped back up to April 1st. Although, I did think that it would be the absolute least funny April Fools' Day Joke ever if the day came and it was late because screw me.  But it did arrive to me on April 1st as promised; I just had a million other things to do before I could play it. ) And I will say, I know I could've just canceled the pre-order and bought the game digitally, but it was enough of a hassle to order it in the first place, and if I did that I'd also lose my pre-order bonus. And all that aside, I specifically wanted a physical copy to begin with. I always prefer that when it's possible. So people on the internet that want to eat me alive for not canceling when the shipping got screwed up, there are my reasons. Take 'em or leave 'em. (Seriously, I've seen some people be really rude about this just because they didn't like hearing people upset that they didn't have the game yet...when they already had it themselves or didn't care about AC in the first place...) Moral of the story: Don't pre-order from Target. Or, at least, don't expect the item to actually get to you right around release day. Account for at least two additional weeks of not having the thing. ...Seriously though, how do you sell out of a pre-order?? At least, when it's a highly anticipated game and you're a big company and not some small indie company with limited resources! Sheesh! Anyway. I have the game now, I've been playing it as much as possible and enjoying it. I still have a ways to go before my island is "complete" per se, but it's coming along nicely and I feel more comfortable now taking some more time away from it to get back into the swing of making art and things like that. So hopefully I'll be getting back into a regular posting schedule and you'll have that to look forward to. 

____ Artwork © me, MysticSparkleWings ____ Where to find me & my artwork: My Website | Commission Info + Prices | Ko-Fi | dA Print Shop | RedBubble |   Twitter | Tumblr | Instagram

#animalcrossing #newhorizons

[doodlingleluke]

a bit later I usually am with these, but here’s what I’ve been up to in 2017. While I feel like my improvement isn’t as obvious as ith as been in previous years, I still feel like this was a really good art year for me. I actually did a lot of pieces that I really liked and actually still like months later! that is a completely new sensation for me! I feel like I’m really getting to where I want to be with my art, so hopefully this will continue in 2018. 

for the first time I feel like commenting on my choices for this thing, mostly cause I just want to but also in case someone wants to know how I feel about my own art. but because theres a lot of drawings here that’ll continue under the cut 

wow I use red and pink/purple hues way more than I thought. anyways. 

january -  this year I wanted to get better at doing at least somewhat interesting backgrounds (even if it just means a simple colour) and experimenting more with different textures and styles, and I still think this tenten was a good start. I had been wanting to draw something like this with her for ages and I’m glad I finally was able to pull it off.

february - february didn’t really have any drawings that stood out to me, but this month I started drawing a lot more “casual” trek stuff, as in stuff that doesn’t need to have a punchline. I see a lot of problems with it now, but I really liked this seven when I first drew it. 

march - again, not a month where I found anything particularly good, but it was the month when I got into night in the woods (still a big fan of it) and this was honestly the best of the nitw art I did. 

 april - I am pretty sure the demon kankuro was a redraw of an older, shittier demon kankuro I can’t be bothered to find. Its a bit messy and his facial features are off, but I still think theres some nice details and colours. At this point I had also started to use a bit of after effects (the blur around the edges). the 80s ino is part of a konoha girls in vintage clothes thing that admittedly isn’t all that good looking, but it was a lot of fun and probably my favourite outfit drawing. 

may - I spent most of this month doing art memes inbetween exams and dying, but this random kankuro somehow found its way in. yeah its not spectacular or anything but it kinda happened on a whim and its not a style of colouring I use very often. I don’t remember what brush I used but I love how it looks. pardon my french but I’m pleased with how this turned out. 

june - I moved this month so I’m surprised I had time to draw at all. this sad nog represents my inner turmoil and stress at the time. probably. anyways, I feel like this was the first time I was able to cartoonify a ferengi somewhat successfully. I also finally started toning down my exessive highlighting.

july - I spent most of july stuck in the mountains with no internet, yet somehow I still managed to draw a bunch of shit I still really like. The magical girl temari was the first time I tried to do a combination of solid and blended shading. I’ve had issues with my shading for a long time and I think this was a step in the right direction. It was mainly inspired by how much I liked the solid shading of the other one, which is also the only good drawing I’ve ever done of that oc. 

august  - what the fuck how did I draw so many things I like in august. For the deanna I just suddenly got the idea to try something art nouveau, and while its not perfect I’m still happy with the result. The hair took forever but I’m still in love with it, and I’ve been incorporating some of those elements into my art ever since. The temari REALLY benefited from solid shading instead of me drowning it in exessive layers of purple like I usually do when I shade. idk what to say, I love it and I genuinely think its one of the coolest things I’ve ever drawn. for the top one I wanted to do something original and different from my usual stuff. The background is a bit messy but I still like the overall result and it has inspired me to draw more casual stuff that doesn’t necessarily need to be posted here. 

september -  no contest here, the konoha witch series took a lot of time, but I’m still happy with the result.Well for some of them at least. Ino is hands down my favourite and I think its obvious that shes the one I put the most thought and effort into (even though it started with a random sketch of tenten). Apparently I have some kind of bias towards pink and purple, which might explain why I think Ino just ended up with the nicest looking colours out of all the girls. 

october - I didn’t have time to do a big halloween piece this year, but this wirt was still pretty halloween-y. the colours turned out better than I expected, especially the shading on his face. The background doesn’t really make sense, but I think it looks nice so ya know, whatever. This was also the first time I watched over the garden wall so this also has some sentimental value I guess. 

november - Huevember month! which meant a lot to choose from! the kira I did on the last day of november is honestly my favourite out of all the huevember drawings I did. I don’t do a lot of drawings with the light source in the back, but I think it really worked here. idk I just think the colours and the style look really neat. It feels weird being so positive about my art hah but I don’t have anything I dislike about this one. I do have a few problems with the temari, but I just really like the colours, and I like that I did something interesting with the colours for once in my life. The tilly is in all honesty not a fave of mine, I actually kind of dislike it BUT it did get featured on after trek so I feel like it was a significant part of my ~art year~ 

december - I’ve had a lot on my mind this month, so sadly I’ve been really inactive here. The elf temari isn’t really all that special, but then again I don’t think its directly bad and I think the colours turned out better than what they usually do when I try shading my lineless art. The other one is a redraw of a drawing I did back in may, and while I (as always) have some problems with it I do think its a big improvement over the old one (which is so ugly that I was genuinely surprised to find that it was drawn...this year). 

thank you if you bothered to read all of this! I know this was completely pointless but at the same time I’ve found that artists often hav completely different opinions on their art than others do so there might possibly be something a little bit interesting here. just a tiny bit. 

#listen its late as hell im the only one still up and i felt like blathering #summary of art 2017 #something happened over summer idk what but from july and onwards ive started to really like my art

[performingasmercedes-blog]

Lunch with Friends

Who: Finn Hudson, Mercedes Jones

When: Wednesday May 10

What: Lunch with Friends

Where:  Eggslut (http://eggslut.com/) 317 S Broadway, Los Angeles, CA 90013

Mercedes was sitting at a table by the window, watching people go by as she waited for Finn.  This place was barely a mile away from her apartment, so she had walked, using the time to really clear her mind after the past few days. It sucked not really having anyone to talk to that wasn’t family, and she wasn’t sure if Finn really wanted to know more than he did.  But she at least wanted to put his mind at ease as best she could.

When Sam and Mercedes had been dating, Finn and Mercedes had friend dates nearly every week, and he hadn’t really thought anything about it until they weren’t having them anymore. They’d been super close and suddenly it was just him and Sam. Not that he minded it. Sam was his bro, and they’d been friends first. But Mercedes had been his other best friend, and truthfully he’d missed her. So he’d jumped at the chance at lunch with her.

He’d taken an Uber to the restaurant because parking in the area was a nightmare or expensive. He’d been in L.A. for year and he still wasn’t used to how expensive things were compared to Savannah. Seriously, sometimes he thought about going home and just living off of what he’d made in the last year or so. He could afford to live for nearly three. He walked into the busy restaurant, and not for the first time thought about the advantages he had because he was so tall. He could see her easily from the host stand. He told the girl standing there that he saw his friend. He waved as he walked over to the table and then leaned down to hug her when he reached her side.

“Hey sweetheart, glad you could make it.” She smiled brightly and hugged him back.  Finn was probably one of the dearest friends she had, but when she and Sam broke up, things were hard. She ended up throwing herself into work full throttle and the time just wasn’t as easy to come by. Admittedly, she didn’t want to deal with Sam Evans more than she had to either, but now, now things would be like they were before, hopefully, with a few alterations.  “So, has Sam told you?” She would’ve called him on Monday, when she had found out she was on the same show as him and Sam, but she didn’t want to seem overly eager and jinx everything.  Plus, Sam had said he would tell him.

Taking the seat across from her, Finn shed his denim jacket. He frowned a little at her question then he realized what she was talking about. He smiled brightly and nodded. “Yeah, and it’s amazing! I can’t wait to get to work with you. I can’t believe it! I didn’t know you had even auditioned. I didn’t know you were acting again.” He paused. “Is this gonna be weird with Sam? He said no, but I don’t know. Sometimes it’s weird.”

“My agent had me audition but I got another job before I heard back from them, so I had to decline it. But the other job just finished, and my agent asked me if I was still interested, and they hadn’t filled the part yet. So here I am!” She grinned, tilting her head a little. “It’ll take some getting used to, but I think we can eventually not want to verbally bite each other’s heads off. I don’t think our characters will be interacting much, if at all.” She smiled at the server, ordering a water and sandwich. “I’ve done more dancing than acting, so hopefully they won’t regret choosing me for the part.”

Finn shook his head. “No way! You’re amazing. They’d never regret it.” He was happy she’d been getting so much work. The server came to the table and brought water. He asked for a few moments to look at the menu then turned his attention back to his friend. “I’m sorry things were so...weird with Sam the other night. I didn’t wanna tell him and then have him not come, but then I think I just made it worse anyway. I didn’t mean to.”

She nodded her head in understanding, pushing a loose wave behind her ear. “I know you didn’t mean anything by it, Finn. And I’m super thankful you mentioned Sam was going to be coming, but if you hadn’t, I would’ve probably blew up at you.  I know it’s been awhile since everything went down between him and I, but we still like that heads up so we can be prepared. So I know why he was kinda pissed off.” She shrugged her shoulders and took a sip of water. “Anyway, enough about all that ex-factor stuff, tell me about you and what you’ve been up to.”

He understood now, but he just hadn’t been thinking. “I guess I just wanted to hang with my second favorite girl.” The first being his mother. He gave her a little smile and took a sip of his water. “Auditioning before I got this show. Now I feel like this could be really awesome, but I’m trying to not get too excited.”

She laughed and just smiled at him. “I actually don’t mind being your second favorite.  I wish I had been able to be here during the table reads and actual first filming. I’m coming in after all of the cast has met and had time to bond.  I’m going to get on your nerves after awhile because I don’t know anyone else.” She knew Sam was there, but she knew that avoiding him was going to be the best thing for her for the time being. Probably him too.

“You won’t get on my nerves at all! I’ve made a lot of new friends with the cast. Like me and Marley go eat at a bunch of random spots close by because she’s new to Burbank. And then there’s Rachel...she’s in New York right now doing a show, but she’ll be there for the upfronts. She’s like so awesome and really smart.” He realized what he was saying and paused, the tips of his ears turning red. “She’s cool. I think you’ll like her.”

She gasped playfully, taking in the way he was rambling slightly, and his ears. The ears were a dead giveaway. ”Finn Hudson, are you crushing on this Rachel girl?  Because your face just lit up when you started to talk about her.” Finn was a precious person, so to see him like this only made her happy.

Finn shrugged, trying to brush it off. “She’s just not like girls I’ve met before. I don’t know that much about her yet, but we have some dates planned when we’re in New York and then when we get back to Cali. I just like her a lot, and she’s like an amazing singer, and she’s so good at acting...I just really like her.”

“That’s really sweet. I know if she has caught your eye she must be really incredible. I’m super excited for you, I hope everything works out. It’s nice to have someone to share your experiences with, you know? And it’s insanely hard to date with our work schedules and travel.” She replied knowingly.

“I don’t wanna jinx it. I only really got to spend like two weeks with her, and it was all work. So, I don’t wanna make it all up in my head, you know? I just hope it works out because if the show really gets going, it’s gonna be tough.” People in entertainment always seemed to have a hard time in love, but Finn loved what he did. He didn’t want to give it up.

“Yeah, that’s totally understandable. Just take your time with it and see how it progresses. Hopefully the show will continue and you’ll get to spend more time with her.  Granted, I am not the best person to talk to about dating and stuff, but I can at least give you the girly opinion.” She chuckled.

Finn frowned a little when she said that. “Yeah, but that wasn’t your fault…” He didn’t want to bring it up, but he didn’t want her to feel bad. Sometimes he even felt bad because he knew it seemed like he took Sam’s side even though he hadn’t. He’d just known Sam longer. “I need you to tell me the girly stuff. I still haven’t figured it out.”

She waved her hand,”Oh, not that  situation exactly. Just in general. I don’t really get the chance to date much, so my breadth of knowledge isn’t really big.” She wanted to make sure to clarify, because as much as Sam cheating sucked, it had been awhile ago and she had finally come to terms with what went down. She was still pissed about it, but she felt she had that right.  She laughed. “Cool, then you can help me with guy stuff when I need it, deal?”

Relieved, Finn smiled back. “Yeah, deal.” He scratched at his chin. “So there’s been like no guys since Sam or…?” Mercedes hadn’t ever been the type to be with a lot of people as far as he could remember, but she’d also been working a lot.

“I’ve been on a few dates here and there, but I didn't have the time to invest in more than that. And to be honest, I didn’t really trust going beyond that.” She still didn’t actually.  She didn’t see the point of putting in the time only to have it fall apart. She could date, have fun, and avoid all the emotional entanglements that came with relationships.  Work was a priority, not stupid boys.

He didn’t have much to say to that without it probably going back to Sam. So he just nodded. “Yeah, I get it, but I’m not worried about you. You’re the whole package.” He smiled then picked up his menu. “I think I want a Slut.”

“I am pretty awesome, and eventually there will be a guy that appreciates all I have to offer. So no need to worry, I’m the good girl, always.” She laughed softly at first, before being overtaken by a fit of giggles she had to take a deep breath to bring under control. “Only in this restaurant would I not give you hell for saying that.”  It was an actual menu item afterall!

Finn laughed along with her. He relaxed back in his seat. “I know. That’s why I said it.” He looked at her for a moment, studying her. “I think I’m gonna put an X-Box in my trailer. So we’re gonna game when we’re both on set. I haven’t let you kick my ass in so long…”

Her mouth dropped open slightly. “Let me? Boy, you know I handed your ass to you all on my own. You AND your boy Evans. So make sure you have the make-up team on standby to touch you up when I make you cry.”  She had missed this. Epic trash talking over games.

“No way! I mean Sam sucks, but I totally let you win!” It was a lie, and they both knew it, but he could resist the trash talk. The server came back and asked what they were ordering, and he took great pleasure in saying he wanted a Slut, which he was sure he saw the server roll her eyes at. He waited for Mercedes to order and then looked at her again. “Where do you live now that you’re back?”

She just shook her head at him, completely amused. “The only thing in that sentence that’s true is that Sam does indeed suck.” She ordered the Fairfax, biting her lip not to laugh as Finn ordered his Slut. “I’m just up the street actually, the Jia apartments, right before the entry into Chinatown.” She liked being in the city with lots of things to see and do, even if she didn’t get to see and do a lot because of work.

“Me and Sam just got a new place in Burbank. We almost have it perfect. You’d call it like geeky bachelor pad, but I know you dig that.” He winked at her and then started laughing. “I can’t wait for you to see it. Sam said I could invite you over. I probably just have to tell him when you’re coming over so he doesn’t have to be uncomfortable.”

“I bet it looks awesome. I’m so glad you two are doing well out here, this entertainment business can be rough.”  Her eyebrow raised slightly. “Oh really? That’s cool. I’ll make sure to bring his favorite cookies as a peace offering of sorts. He’ll probably make you eat one first though, make sure I didn’t poison them,” she joked.

“I’ll test any cookies you wanna bring over,” he volunteered. “You’re so nice for offering to bring a peace offering. You don’t have to do that. He doesn’t deserve one.” He paused when he realized what he’d said. “Don’t tell him I said that.”

She shrugged. “I can’t be mad at him forever, Finn. Especially since we’ll be working on the same show. Besides, he may not even take it. And if that’s his choice, then fine. But there is enough stress dealing with a new show, wondering if it’ll get picked up and all the other stuff that goes with it, without worrying about running into him all the time.”  It was also exhausting to be angry like that for an extended amount of time. He did his dirt, he didn’t want her, and now they were just co-stars and co-workers.

He supposed she was right, but it still sucked that she had to be the one doing it. He wouldn’t talk crap about Sam because at the end of the day, Sam was like his brother, but he just didn’t like all that had happened.  “You’re right. It would make things way worse to always feel tense around someone you work with. That’s why I plan to stay far away from Santana when I can.”

“What’s the deal with you and Santana?” She had only met the woman shortly before they went to see the movie, but there was clearly some weird vibe in the air between her and Finn. And of course Sam was laying on his thick southern charm thing, not that she noticed.

“I don’t like her, but she didn’t like me first.” His brow furrowed, a clear sign of his frustration. “I don’t know. I’ve never just...not liked someone like that before. No matter how nice I am to her, she is just so rude.” He frowned and looked away, trying to channel his thoughts to be more coherent. “I’m just...I don’t know. I don’t like that there’s a problem.  Sam said it was because I want to sleep with her or something, but that’s not true. I don’t even know her. I don’t really think of her like that. I just don’t like someone hating me for no reason. Everything I say to her is wrong.”

She had to fight from rolling her eyes, of course Sam would think it had to do with sex. Boys and their second heads or whatever.  “Hey, it is what it is. Some people are really blunt, and maybe things got lost in explanation at some point. You’re a really sweet person and I know you would never say anything to upset someone on purpose. And surely the girl doesn’t hate you, if she hated you she would’ve never come to the movie, right?”

Finn shrugged. “I don’t know why she came to the movie actually. She came to Taco Tuesday the other week too.” He’d opened the invitations both times to everyone, but maybe there was something to what Mercedes was saying. “She’s having a party for the pilot when it airs. She did ask me to come…” He sat back in his seat and tapped his fingers on the table. Now he didn’t know what to make of Santana’s actions. “Maybe you’re right. Or maybe she’s just trying to include everyone. I don’t know.”

“Don’t force it. If you feel comfortable going to her party, then go. I bet she throws a good one, and if nothing else, you should have fun with the co-stars you do get along with, okay? I don’t want you beating yourself up over this, you barely know the woman. And she barely knows you.” She replied with a nod.  “I’ve got several people that I did not like at first and then they grew on me over time.”

That made him feel a lot better. Marley seemed really weird about it all, and he hadn’t brought it up with Rachel because it seemed dumb to involve her in something that probably wasn’t that big of a deal. Sam was kind of into Santana he thought, and he and Puck weren’t all that close. But Mercedes knew him, and it seemed she knew exactly what to say. “Maybe. I just wish I knew what I did so I could go back in time and not do it, you know? But I don’t have DeLorean. So I think that plan’s out.”

“Oh sweetie, if we had a DeLorean at our disposal, I’d have a date or two I’d like to hit myself,” she laughed softly. “It’ll work out. If you’re meant to be friends then you will be, if not, then it just wasn’t in the cards. As adorable as you are, not everyone likes adorable. And that’s okay. There are some people that don’t love all my geeky awesomeness, but that’s their loss.”

Finn supposed that was true. Maybe she just didn’t like really awesome people like him. “Yeah, maybe that’s what it is.  I hope things work out. It would suck to not like someone you work with. Thanks, Mercedes. That made me feel better about it all.”

“Anytime. And just think, if you need a pep talk in between filming, I’ll just be a trailer away.” She smiled.  “Mom says we should talk as if the show has already been picked up, put the positivity into the atmosphere and all that. We got this.”

“Yeah, we should! That’s great advice. Tell Mama Jones thanks. Oh and tell her I miss her peach cobbler. I miss all of her care packages.” That was one of the best parts of her relationship with Sam, all of the good stuff her mom would send to them.

“I will, and I’m sure she’ll hook you up with something nice once I tell her we’re filming a show together.” Her mom was amazing a treated her friends like family. “It’ll give you something to eat while I demolish you in video games.”

“Yes!” He pumped his fist in the air for a moment then laughed. “I'm really glad you're back, Mercedes,” he said as he sobered.

She laughed loudly, covering her mouth. “Me too, Finn. Me too.”

#para #pta:finn #ooc: this was yesterday

[jellyfishrambles]

Emotional AF

I started up this side blog with the intention of spilling...positive emotions, or funny antic-dotes... But not today. I’ve sat on this for a full 2 weeks, and I’m still not sure what to think of the situation. Overall, I think I still blame myself. Regardless, let me start from the very beginning. I have a friend. Fuck, he was my BEST friend. (We’ll call him ‘PB’). We met years ago. I was a sophomore in high school. He was a pivotal part of who I became as a person today. I can wholeheartedly blame him for pulling my from my cringy middle school obnoxiousness, and grow into who I am now. PB was literally my other half- even though we didn’t even attend the same school. At the time, we acted a like, we looked alike, we thought alike. And we did pretty much everything together. We celebrated halloween together, we excluded ourselves on our birthdays- so we could celebrate with just each other. We complained about all the same unnecessary shit going on in our workplace. He was, the one individual, who could pull me out of my deepest depressions throughout high school, 100% willing to drive to my house an hour before curfew, just to be with me through whatever I was going through. PB was the one I could genuinely, without hesitation, call my best friend. We had history, and memories, and experiences together that I’ll cherish forever.  But. We stopped talking, recently. On my behalf. Because I’m an emotional wreck. Because as we graduated, and took separate paths, we both changed. Now, let me preface by saying PB and I were (and still are) relatively critical, cynical, and sarcastic individuals. But as he went off to college, and I stayed at home doing nothing. We went in different directions. MY anxiety has heightened, and become more and more severe, while- I’m sure he only became more cynical and critical and sarcastic. Things really started to go awry when he came home for Christmas break of his freshman year of college, just last December. I felt- off, around him. I felt uncomfortable. I couldn’t place it. It was just- different. It was probably my anxiety, it was probably me just- wanting to stay on his level. Because throughout our entire friendship, I always saw him as...superior to me. He was stronger, smarter, just- more mature than me (Even though I’m older by almost a year). I felt like everything I did would make him mad. I suddenly felt like I couldn’t be myself around him. 

I didn’t really think much of it, until examples of this behavior started to trend. Example 1- I’ve used essential oils and crystals to help with my anxiety and depression- and it’s really helped! Especially during my senior year of high school, when I was at my lowest point. I had a rose quartz bracelet that I would hold through anxiety attacks. I wore it with me everywhere. And I broke it while on vacation. When I texted him frantically looking for something to ground me, he brushed off my concern because ‘you know all that stuff is just a placebo, right? You don’t need them’. It was the first time I was legitimately upset at him. Example 2- While on a skype call with him, we were browsing the steam store together, I was looking at games that I want but can’t afford (aka, all of them). And I brought up my desire to play Dangan Rompa. He looked at the game, scoffed, and told me it would be a waste of money, and that I should just play another game with the same concept. I was, kind of hurt, that he didn’t really give a second thought about my interests- despite my attentive ears whenever he discusses something he enjoys. Example 3 (and most recent)- AFTER I texted him, telling him everything I was feeling- to the effect of ‘I feel like I make you mad every time I talk, I feel like all you seem to do is berate my interests and passions, etc etc’ AND he apologized, he said he knew he was being an ass, he said he didn’t expect me to forgive him. But I did. Because he was my friend. I was talking on the phone with him, and let out the mention of vocaloid, and how I’ve been listening to a lot of vocaloid music recently, and I’ve found an interest in it- he questions me as to why, and brushes off my comment about ‘because I enjoy it, don’t fucking judge me’ to which his reply was a VERBAL eye roll (You know the kind. You can hear it in their tone of voice) and an ‘okayyy’ That was the last straw. These 3 major examples are all coupled with his constant ‘the anime you watch is trash’ and ‘the music you listen to is garbage’ and just- little things like that, that just piled up and I had finally had enough. Now, he’s just left for college again, his sophomore year, and before he left he wanted to see me- and admittedly, I wanted to see him too. We were gonna go see a movie. But the day of, the idea of seeing him gave me so much anxiety, I felt nauseous. Like, I didn’t want to eat I was so nervous to see him. BUT I didn’t want to cancel, because I knew he would grow suspicious. However my mom saw the effect it was having on me, and she convinced me to tell him I wasn’t feeling good, and that we shouldn’t go see this movie. Spoiler alert- I was fucking right. As soon as I said I didn’t feel good, and wanted to stay home. He barraged me with ‘you’re actively avoiding me’ , ‘you always drop off at the last second’ and things of that effect. It made my stomach drop. **Another thing you should know about PB- he doesn’t really take to the idea of mental illness. He believes in it, but he believes that it can be fixed with meds and therapy without any remaining side-effects.** I told him that it wasn’t physical, that it was mental, and I knew it was something he wouldn’t understand. It HAD been a rough week for me- as I’m currently on a job hunt, and that alone stresses me out beyond function. He then told me that he knows its mental, and he still wants to see me, regardless of my state, and that I need to get out of the house. He wanted to talk to me, and he was begging me to see him. Because he wanted to help. I said I wanted to be left alone. I do better if I’m alone anyway. I like being physically alone, with means of communication through text. Sometimes. Being around people exhaust me. ALL my friends know this... Now, I should mention, that my big brother (not- actual big brother, just- really good ass friend who I call my big brother) had come over upon my request, cause he was kind of in the loop of what was happening. I told PB that I wasn’t alone, and that I would be fine. I was so distraught that my brother took my phone and texted PB for me. Saying that my mom didn’t think he should come over today, but he was welcome any other day before he left. Granted, I had a packed schedule with other friends, who happened to SHARE my interests. SO I said I would see him Thursday, when I knew for sure we would in fact see each other. I thought it was over. I thought it was done and I could wipe my hands of the whole thing, until he drops on me ‘Am I ever going to see you after that?’ What? What the fuck does that even mean? I asked him when he was leaving and he didn’t even answer my question- he asked if I was EVER going to see him again. My throat went dry and I felt tears start to well up again. I up and told him that we would see each other again, but for the love of god please stop pressuring me to see you- it’s making all this 10x worse. WELL...He got pretty upset at that, and then spilled to me that he could no longer trust me, because I canceled on him too often. He prefaced with ‘I do love you-’ he said ‘but when was the last time you made an effort to see me’ , ‘you barely give me any consideration, do you do this with all your friends?’ and just- a bunch of stuff that I KNEW I was doing, but I didn’t have the heart to tell him that- HE was the reason I was doing it. He claims he knows I deal with a lot of personal stuff, and he’s not trying to insult me. Which. I...appreciate. He DID claim in his texts that he was mad at me for all of this, which- I also understand. Hell, I’d be mad at me too.  I had to take a day to process that last message from him. Eventually, I responded. I won’t bore you with my entire message here, but it was to the effect of ‘I’m sorry you’re mad, I’m sorry I’ve done all this to you, but you give me anxiety, and stress.’ I said I knew it was because of my OWN insecurities, and that he had nothing to do with it. I said I was legitimately scared of him, because I felt like I had to top toe around all my words to avoid making him mad. I FAULTED MYSELF. I knew it was me, I knew it was my anxiety. I said what was on my mind and how I felt. His reply was 2 days later. And it hit me hard. And I’m sitting here re-reading it (To relay all of this as accurately as possible) and I’m crying over my laptop right now.  His message back to me was something along the lines of ‘I have supported you 100% up until now because I care for you. I don’t know how you expect me to move on if I ‘legitimately scare’ you. And I don’t know how to continue and work around this unless you get your life together. When that point comes, I’m still here, but I can’t do anything for you if you don’t want my help, or my presence’  Unless I get my life together....I don’t even know what that means, but it hurts. It hurts SO much. So, now I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if this friendship that was SO important to me, is worth salvaging....or if it’s better left behind as I grow older and make new friends. I’m so torn, because I fucking loved PB. I loved my best friend. But best friends shouldn’t give you fucking anxiety attacks. I owe so much to him, because he’s done so much for me....I feel like shitty friend, for even feeling all this.  I can’t even wrap my emotions around all of this, and it’s killing me. His last message was pretty much a week and a half ago at this point, and it STILL gets to me. I still see memories on Facebook, and instagram, and I choke up every fucking time I see it. He meant the WORLD to me. And I hate myself for both putting us both through this, and for still wanting to salvage what turned into a pretty toxic friendship...