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#allthough at heart i am an advocate of falling in your own holes i think it is a vital part of life and growing. i worded my analogy badly
angelhound
·
1 year
Text
i think i have to start over my start over
#it is very strange and unreal to me to treat everyone i meet as trials that may or may not work out instead of like we are now chained
#together by the throat because i feel. compassion for them
#nothing works out forever and its because i am too liberal w the love giving
#idk like theoretically. love can be me staying away from u because u aint act right. and i am doing that a lot lately but it is really odd
#idk how to not feel like it means something to touch and be touched
#i can explore intimacy deeper than my counterparts have ever before and then .. decide it is not going to work out regardless before i have
#exhausted every possible way to make it work until either it Does or we are so sore theres nothing left to do but be done
#i dont want to feel like i have this month
#being that i am so frustrated with the way other people treat me i dont want to talk to anyone at all
#obviously thats not right
#but no one has done anything seriously wrong they just dont know what i know yet and therefore want something that i cannot give
#and thats fine i really just want them to all succeed. but not by using my hands. it never works that way anyways you cannot do it for
#someone. i used to wish i could because i felt deep sorrow for those who were lost. i would not even if you asked now
#idk. a lot of my path right now is about experimenting what works and does not so i guess its fine that i keep being half wrong
#i got distracted i was talking about. connecting. it still hurts to leave even when its been so short of time
#i feel like im giving up on people. but its not my job to pull everyone out of drowning themselves and i cant even
#the only true way i can help anyone is to get better and show you how. that is my gift i suppose. falling in holes so i can show u where
#they are
#allthough at heart i am an advocate of falling in your own holes i think it is a vital part of life and growing. i worded my analogy badly
#i meant more… becoming light helps others to see their own. and especially for me i am good at verbal support/advice but i am exploring…
#helping people without doing their heavy lifting for them. indirect methods. the more i am honest with myself and the world i hope it will
#be meaningful. i want everyone to find it really. i think theres something so wrong with me and if there isnt its more confusing.
#to feel the way i do all the time and have that be what is Right because it is so rare to see outside of me
#if it is the truth then why is it nowhere else
#i am fully aware it presents very narcissistically. to hear me say there is no one like me. or maybe you dont believe me idc. but i know im
#not making it up because i was so desperate for my whole life to find someone and its really. not around. idk someone told me i am an
#indigo child. but i know someone else who is and they are still … so confined to themselves in a way that i am just not
#i gotta end this train of thought i can come to no conclusions if i cant pick a damn topic and rn clearly i cannot
#there have been some who have come close to seeing but then they get stuck and i keep going
#i hope that is not true forever because it is incredibly isolating to be a guiding star and not a human being
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