#also i don't see people who tag my posts with 'q slur' as my enemy i just silently block them and i've said that

[e-the-village-cryptid]

Hey I’m also queer and I use it as an identity label. I don’t agree with people excessively trigger tagging it when it’s not necessary, but I’d really suggest you educate yourself on its history as a slur. I am a gay trans man, so this is absolutely not terf rhetoric from me. But I was called queer in a derogatory way my entire life because I lived in a rural area where it was absolutely used as a slur. Maybe consider that ppl asking for trigger tags are also LGBT and not your enemy lol

Like go ahead and isolate yourself from other queer ppl all you want but just bc some ppl are genuinely triggered by the term doesn’t mean they’re attacking you for using it, lmfao

I know you probably mean well by this ask, and I see where you're coming from. I disagree, but I will give a good faith answer in return.

To understand where I'm coming from, let's compare the words queer and gay. Both words originally referred to general sexual deviancy in a pejorative sense, only later being reclaimed as proudly worn identities. Both words have been used as slurs for a long time afterwards, queer being more popular in the mid 20th century and gay gaining popularity as a slur in the later 20th into the 21st century.

I know way more queer people in real life who have a complicated relationship with the word gay than the word queer because gay was the word that was slung at them as an insult and a weapon their entire childhood. Gay was The insult of the 80s, 90s, and 00s. Anything bad, or weak, or stupid was "gay". There were whole campaigns to try to stop the use of gay as an insult, that's how bad it got. It's given a lot of people a lot of pain connected with the word.

But I have never, ever, seen someone tag a post "g slur". Why? Two words, both initially pejorative, both reclaimed, both continuously used liberally by those who hate us as a slur and an insult. Isn't it interesting how the more inclusive of those two words was targeted in a concentrated effort that started just a few years ago in terf communities? Isn't it interesting how the more narrow, less inclusive word, despite being the one more recently used as a slur and insult, despite the people in the community who still flinch when they hear it, was simply left alone?

To be clear, I don't think that we should be trigger tagging gay, or starting some "gay is a slur!" movement. I'm just pointing out parallels and questioning why the attitude towards two words with similar histories are so vastly different.

Educate myself on its history? I know it was used as a slur. So was gay, so was lesbian, so was every goddam word we have ever used to describe ourselves because it is not the words they find disgusting, it is us. Queer has been reclaimed and used in a neutral or positive way for decades and decades.

Context matters. "you dirty queer" = slur "I went to the queer student group meeting last week" = not a slur "ew that's so gay" = slur "I came out as gay when I was 16" = not a slur

No one is denying that queer has been and can still be used as a slur. But this specific "queer is a slur in any context!" movement legitimately did come out of terf communities in the last few years. I'm not accusing you of being associated with terfs. But "queer is a slur and triggering no matter how it's used" is terf rhetoric, and they've managed to spread it beyond their community. To claim that a word that has been reclaimed for decades and used in a neutral-to-positive context is a slur is disingenuous, and they know it, but they've successfully gotten other people to parrot it by hiding it under a layer of false concern.

One final thought: I have literally never seen anyone ask for queer to be tagged because they personally are triggered by the word. It's always people speaking on behalf of some hypothetical person who can't stand to even see my identity written out in a neutral-to-positive context. And if anyone really is so genuinely triggered by the term that they can't even stand to read it, they can just filter the post content, tumblr lets you do that.

#also i don't see people who tag my posts with 'q slur' as my enemy i just silently block them and i've said that #because it upsets me and i don't want to deal with that #if people can be upset by the word queer and not want to deal with that #then i can be upset by them saying my identity is a slur and not want to deal with that #do i think they're attacking me for calling myself queer? no #do i want to deal with people parroting regressive terf rhetoric that only emerged recently? also no #i just block and move on. i've made that boundary clear and i've never been mean to anyone about it #ask tag #queer #an e original

[princessgemma12]

Hey you don't have to publish this but I wanted to thank you. I found it really comforting that you mentioned that you support folks (like me) who have trauma around the word queer and don't see us as enemies of ppl who use it as a self identifier. It meant a lot to me to see that.

Honestly, I really don't get people that do see y'all that way--it makes no sense! I totally get not using certain words for yourself, for any reason--whether you just don't like it or it's triggering for you, or you just don't like the word! That's fine, hon. No shame, no hate. I get it.

kind of a ramble under the cut

There are some lgbt+ terms, which are slurs or have been slurs, that I am comfortable using and feel that I am entitled to reclaiming, for various reasons. I respect other people that feel the same way. I also completely understand when and why people don't want to use certain words for themselves or others. It's normal, natural.

I use the word (Q) as a shield, it's my armor, my crown, the shining jewel in my collection. It encompasses every aspect of my sexuality, from the socially acceptable to the socially rejected. The surface level things and the highly personal ones. It connects me to more people than just "ace" or "bi" or "sapphic" do. It's a weapon that has been used against me, and I've remade it into something beautiful.

It would be hypocritical and inconsiderate of me to demand anyone do the same. What's the difference between me demanding someone call themselves (Q) and someone demanding I not? What's the difference between me forcing the word on you, and someone forcing it on me, as a weapon? Is it not more of a weapon when it's held by someone who is supposed to support you? Understand you? Would that not hurt you more? Would that not lower me to the same level as the usual bigots that weaponize lgbt+ terminology?

I think it does.

Because really, what's the difference between me demanding you define yourself a certain way, and a straight-cis person doing it? How does that not go against everything the lgbt+ community stands for? How does that not defeat the purpose of reclaiming language? I'm using (Q) as a shield, a point of pride--wouldn't that use be rendered inefficient, mocking, if I weaponized it against someone else?

this isn't really directed at you, anon. just generally speaking. reclaimed words are shields--they can and should be used to do damage when needed, as that is half the purpose of a shield. If you're being attacked, you need protection and helps to have protection that can be used against your aggressor. there is a very big difference between using language defensively and offensively--to shield or to harm. likewise, there is a big difference between telling someone not to use a certain term for themselves or even as a general term (such as Q), and asking someone not to use that word to refer to you. Both people who identify as (Q) and those who don't deserve respect toward the language they choose to describe themselves with.

if you scroll through my blog long enough, especially a few of my (Q) and pride tags, you'll undoubtedly find a few posts where I'm using what a lot of people would consider offensive or harmful language towards myself--this may be in response to an attack toward me or in response to a positivity post of another person using similar language (such as the posts @megatronismegagone and I have reblogged from each other). I tend to use the word (Q) in ways that most other (Q) people find regressive, harmful, and offensive. I understand why. I respect their views. I don't respect the people who attack me for embracing the innate otherness--the feeling of isolation, the stigmatization, the ostracizing--that comes with being part of the lgbt+ community in our current society. We are a minority--we're treated as a minority, for better and for worse, and that's not going to change in my lifetime. It sucks but it's true. We are different--we're not the "typical" cisgender, straight allosexual. I am none of those words!

Even within the community, my sexuality and the language I use, is ostrasized. I'm on the ace spectrum. I'm very often rejected from even the ace community because of my unique experience with sexual attraction. I'm bisexual--that's more ostrasization. I'm panromantic--yet more! I use the word (Q) for myself and often as an umbrella term--I've gotten a lot of flack for that, from other sapphics especially. I've been told I should be straight--I've been told I should be gay. Such are the woes of bisexuality. I've been told that I just "haven't met the right person, yet" or that I'm "just not there, yet" and such are the woes of being ace. I've been told that romantic attraction is the same as sexual--such are the woes of experiencing life with a split-attraction brain. the thing is, is no one can win.

If I say I'm (Q), I'm homophobic. If I say I'm bi, I'm faking or a cheater or perverted. If I say I'm ace, I'm inexperienced, naive, or broken. If I say I'm panrom, I'm broken, biphobic, faking, pretentious. If I use all of my words, even just bi-asexual and panromantic, I'm all of it. But what's the alternative??? What's the alternative to these words? What's the alternative to my experience and existence???

There is none.

so, either we make our own choices--we use the language we're comfortable with and demand respect regardless of it--or we cower beneath unending tides of linguistic tyranny. I vote for the former.

#I'll reblog this with the Q tags #pride #anon #ask #long post #ask to tag