#also if i didn't answer your comments from last week dw | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

minaoakdown · 9 months

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Because even having promised I still am allowed to doubt.

Even choosing you every day I still have the right to doubt my decision of staying and consider resigning.

Last time we hangout I told you I might move cities - just like you did last month without saying a proper goodbye - and your first comment on it was if I was to go to the city you live or you would go to the one I will live.

At he time I didn't think much of that, I was too busy enjoying your presence to think about anything else. Right now, however, I see, this a big thing coming from you.

Not two weeks later you put me down again. Give me mixed signals again. Twice.

I understand you are bad at texting but sometimes I see the old, rude, careless you when you type. Your fingers hit the keyboard and the words stab my heart.

Marigold: why did you like Marigold: choose to have dinner, like actual dinner, instead of just anything else

- Marigold: just don't forget to give me the address Mina: Oh! Sure hon

- Marigold: also Marigold: can I ask something else Mina: Sure! Marigold: can you stop calling me "honey" "love", shit like that? it makes me uncomfortable /lh Mina: Ahh...? Sure, but I call everyone that Mina: Dw, I'll do my best to stop Marigold: I know but I don't like it Marigold: it genuinely makes me uncomfortable

- Mina: Is darling safe at least? Marigold: no

It is funny to me that- that all I do is based on what you post- like how calling you "darling" made you feel special. You change too fast. Status aren't enough to keep pace with you and what you like and what you do.

Little by little. Rendezvous by rendezvous. You make me question, doubt, all the uncertain synonyms one can find, you make me feel them all.

You don't give me an answer.

All throughout the years you gave me countless reasons not to be with me, from "too young" to "you are a friend to me" and at none of the chances I gave you you took the step to leave.

Sometimes I wonder if I am fun to play around, to be around, like a toy or a company. You hurt me so bad every time.

The root of the problems nowadays has been... you didn't pick up your phone. My mother died and you didn't pick up your goddamn phone. Probably because in your head I was up to drama.

Even after promising I still wonder and talk to Arbor sometimes.

I wonder and I plan and- I have to let you go. Even if it hurts.

We hangout and those thoughts are buried and dead in my mind once again.

You bailed this month's dinner.

The thoughts are still alive.

- The Story of Us, by Mina.

#writter #my thoughts #romance #romantic #romantic life #romantic academia #love #aroace #asexual #lgbtqia+#lgbt+#heartbroken #hate #love can become hate #so easily #spilled ink

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rustytrident · 3 years

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haikyuu boys sitting next to you in class

i miss them sm </3

ch: kuroo tetsuro, oikawa tooru, iwaizumi hajime, bokuto koutarou, hinata shoyou

cw: none

kuroo

this man,,,, he literally has no idea what personal space is. his stuff is definitely on your side but you don't say anything about it cause he's cute (i wouldn't either)

he does it on purpose tho

he actually does a lot of things to purposely annoy you cause he thinks your reactions are hilarious

catch him making fun of you if you stutter or mess up an exercise, or even telling you to be quiet at you when you choke up a laugh at yet another sarcastic comment he made like two seconds ago

but he's a nerd, don't forget that! convince him to help you at chemistry or physics once and you have a tutor for the end of the year

cocky mf

his notes are also not that bad, they're just hurried af so most of his handwriting is just,,, scribbles. u get used to it dw

always has an extra snack for you in his bag cause you tend to forget and he wants you to eat and get your docohaexegonic acid or whatever the fuck he's talking about i wouldn't know

will definitely keep you two from getting in trouble (if you forgot your hw for example, he'll just direct the conversation elsewhere until the teacher forgets about it) cause this man is SO smart ugh i love him

oikawa

he's always, always late, but he manages to be sat right before the bell rings. when you ask him about it, he usually claims he's talented like that or some shit

you know the reason why, though. coffee shops don't open until about 15 minutes before your first class, yet he always seems to walk into the room with his and your favourite drinks on hand

that and his bulky ass keys that are hooked on his finger every morning (they include a volleyball, an alien, a lip balm and a pepper spray keychain on each ring and like one (1) key sksmsksks)

you would expect him to be really talkative in class but he always pays attention in all lessons except from math and physics. he has a personal vendetta against them and you can't make him change his mind no matter what

so math and physics are notes passing time~ he will talk to you about the latest gossip of the school, how much better the volleyball team is from the one they're going against next, how bored he currently is, all that

he always smells so good tho and has the cleanest notes you've ever seen.

however, he will go fucking crazy if you so much as brush over the highlighter ink while it dries down so just,,, don't disrupt him while he indulges in his pinterest fantasy

iwaizumi

will blush if he so much as touches you or your things, especially if it's on accident oml

that OR he will literally use your things all the time (it's not that he doesn't have a pen, it's just that yours writes better)

he has godzilla themed stationary. that's it there's nothing to add here. no, you can't touch it. yes, you can be jealous over how cool he is. he won't take criticism either.

very eager to help you if you're struggling with a paper or something. he ain't the sharpest tool in the shed but he tries his hardest no matter what </33

will very aggressively whisper your name if you stop paying attention or zone off, especially in classes where he knows you have trouble following

usually listens to music during breaks or leaves to go to the other third years' classes

but if he sees you in a bad mood he'll sit next to you until you talk about your feelings for as long as you need. so far you've spent an entire lunch break just venting to him non stop

if he doesn't catch you in class he'll call your name after school and check up on if you're okay before you part ways

bokuto

he's weirdly good at math and will not hesitate to flex his knowledge

super bad in subjects like literature and history, tho. they just don't stimulate his brain enough for him to spend his time on them

so you guys help each other whenever you're stuck on a question, or exchange notes pretty often (pls tell him his notes are good and that he helped you out, he won't stop smiling for the rest of the day)

his favourite sitting position is laying back on his chair, legs sprawled out in front of him and arms either in his pockets or behind his head

usually that's when he zones out the most too, so you have to nudge him in order to keep paying attention in class and fix his posture

every break is filled with him talking to you about volleyball and how good of a wing spiker he is (just smile and nod, he wants your attention and doesn't know how to get it)

will stare at you with huge puppy eyes if you have chapstick, a uniquely scented hand sanitizer or his favourite snack just plain debating whether he should ask you for some or not

but by the time he makes his decision, you've already offered some of it to him, or have an extra just for this occasion

hinata

constantly ask you what's going on, his one braincell is activated only when he plays volleyball pls-

as a result he always copies your notes and answers to the hw cause he didn't do it. you know he didn't, he knows he didn't, boom you're the reason he graduated high school

he is the class clown, though, and does crazy good impressions of every teacher just to make you laugh

you also know everything about his personal life cause he never. shuts. up. you know what suga brought to practice last week, what natsu drew for her school project, what show he watched the night before

like iwaizumi, he has themed stationary, but his are volleyball related. just picture a mikasa ball eraser rolling around on yalls desk at all times

he makes u do tiktok dances during the breaks cause no one will do them with him and he's too shy to go to the second years' floor to do them with nishinoya and tanaka

boy doodles e v e r y w h e r e . it's borderline weird to not see a doodle at the corner of your notebook page at the end of the day

he has to keep his mind occupied and he's not gonna limit his talent just on his papers, ya know?

#anime #haikyuu #kuroo testuro #kuroo hcs #kuroo x reader #oikawa tooru #oikawa hcs #oikawa x reader #iwaizumi #iwaizumi hcs #iwaizumi x reader #bokuto #bokuto hc #bokuto x reader #hinata shōyō #hinata hcs #hinata x reader

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nagichi-boop · 3 years

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hey there! i have a few questions i'm confused about related to ocd. i'm not diagnosed with ocd but i do have anxiety (health and general anxiety) and when i asked my therapist regarding this, she said it didn't point towards ocd. so here i am bcs i wanna learn where to draw the line.

i've been having a anxious period for the last two weeks. so mostly what if intrusive thoughts like "what if my anxiety never recovers?" keep coming a few times but i can deal with them.

however, last week i read a post and after that, a certain word started popping up in my mind. it was bothersome at first but then i eventually got over it. but then a random person told me it sounds like ocd and i got anxious about that.

now the word barely pops up but when it does, it doesn't bother me. however, what makes me anxious is the "what if its ocd?" thought. i know it sounds weird but rather than actually having other intrusive thoughts, the thought that's making me anxious the most is "since i have/had a word in my mind, it indicates ocd."

my therapist says it could've been ocd in case it was the word (and other words/thoughts) that bothered you but instead what's causing you distress is the what if its ocd thought as in i've self diagnosed myself and my anxiety brain is making me believe it. she said that it points more towards anxiety.

but now i find myself questioning every one of my habits. like does me choosing/preferring certain colors over others, buying/using only light colored cloth hangers bcs they look more positive, finding one side of bed better than other, praying everyday bcs i don't like skipping it, sitting at the end of the table or just me wanting to stick to my schedule, are these compulsions? or are these just habits and preferences? these choices don't impact my life in any way nor do they make me anxious and i can change those up easily but now, i find myself questioning them.

i'm sorry if you find this bothering you. that was not my intention. i just had some questions as to where do we draw the line between daily habits and ocd compulsions? or even between anxiety what ifs (like what if i have xyz disease?) and ocd obsessions/compulsions?

thank you and sending lots of love ❤

Hey, thanks for the ask! And dw you’re not bothering me. <3

I’m gonna start off by saying I’m not a professional - heck, I am not even diagnosed with ocd and I still on and off doubt that I have it - so I’m by no means the authority on what is and isn’t ocd, but I can try offer my opinion?

I’m not entirely sure how much research you’ve done into ocd and I still myself struggle to know what is and isn’t a sign of ocd. The constant wondering if the thing is ocd could be rumination, which is I believe a type of compulsion, but I can’t say for certain whether that’s directly a result of ocd.

The things you listed in that one paragraph I suppose could be ocd, but since you said it doesn’t cause you anxiety it’s possible it’s also not. To my knowledge, compulsions are usually done out of a state of anxiety. For example, someone who has a hand washing compulsion will find it deeply uncomfortable and anxiety inducing to not wash their hands when the desire pops up. I don’t really think that if it’s related to ocd that you can easily just change them, but again I’m not an expert. It’s an uncontrollable intrusive thought that leads to the action rather than a matter of preference. I guess it kinda depends why you do them. Do you pray every day because that’s your routine or because you’re worried that if you don’t something bad will happen?

Ocd is marked by obsessions, compulsions and intrusive thoughts. So someone might have something like “if I don’t flick the light switch 7 times, my whole family will die”, and so they have to do the compulsion of flicking the light switch to relieve that anxiety. There’s also a subtype of ocd called Pure O (or Pure Obsessional), who do has a misleading name because you still get compulsions, they’re just more internal. For example, you might worry “what if I have cancer” and then you think about it a lot, research the symptoms online, ask people if they’ve noticed anything, etc.

The only thing I can suggest is perhaps doing more research? I mean for me personally researching is part of my problem - I crave certainty and so I research different mental health disorders for hours a day in hopes it’ll give me an answer (which it doesn’t besides maybe some temporary relief). Try looking up different types of ocd, see examples of different obsessions and compulsions, maybe check tags on Tumblr or even reach out to ocd specific accounts if they have asks or smth open. I’ve learned a lot from just sending people messages asking about it and hearing other people’s experiences with it. Maybe you could even write down things that you think could be symptoms, then maybe bring them up with your therapist? Say that it’s been worrying you and you’d like to talk through it? I don’t have a therapist so idk how it works, sorry

I’m sorry if this answer isn’t helpful. Again, I’m not a professional or even diagnosed with ocd, so most of my knowledge is based on researching the symptoms I personally seem to have. You’re welcome to dm me if you like, but I think there are probably people who would be way more helpful to talk to. ^^;;

Perhaps if anyone who has ocd sees this they can offer some input? Maybe comment, reblog or leave an ask? (Again, I’m rly sorry for not being able to provide a better answer.)

#sorry if this isn’t helpful or what you wanted #I’m still learning myself #ocd #obsessive compulsive disorder #pure o ocd #mental illness #mentally ill #neurodiverse #neurodivergency #neurodiversity #long post #nagichi asks

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