#also me to myself 'more pathetic'

[mortimerlatrice]

For a drawing prompt.... what about Vegas sitting with his pant legs in the pool? :')

you don't have to add porsche in there. honestly, it's worse (funnier) if vegas is just sitting in a pool like that and sipping wine on his own. :')

I know we all love them wet and pathetic ♡

#thank you so much for the prompt!!! #i kind of fudged the pic you sent me but i thought it was funnier this way #hopefully you like it! #i adore the fact that i open prompts #and out of all the stunning and sexy shots in this show #almost everyone wants the insane and hilarious shots #i love this fandom so much #frame redraw #sort of #me to myself 'yeah these's be quick and 0 thoughts' #also me to myself 'more pathetic' #mort's unique art tag #kinnporsche fanart #vegas theerapanyakul #ask mort #prompt fill

[l1m1nalgh0st]

I think this is enough creativity for the day

#i love him and also hate him #pathetic loser but affectionately #reminding myself of jazzpunk has put me back into this addiction so expect more jazzpunk stuff #digital art #jazzpunk fanart #jazzpunk game #jazzpunk #the editor #the editor fanart

[bunnihearted]

lately i've been finding it so so hard to be positive and hopeful. and it's making me so bitter and hateful. i hate it but i dont know what to do about it

#idk it's just all too much to deal w #i have sm pains and physical discomforts. money issues. stress bc my avpd is making school very hard for me to finish #i have suicidal thoughts and really bad anxiety every single day. i've basically begged the mental health care system for help for 7 months #like i've kept contacting them and asking them but they havent done anything at all for me. i dont even get to see anyone and talk #i just dont know what to do or how to handle it #im so stressed abt the future. i have to finish school but then choose smth so i can go to school/get a degree & get a job #im holding my mom down and back and i need to find a way to kove out from her and support myself #i have no friends to meet or hangout with and destress with etc etc and im really feeling the lack of it #idk the list just goes on and on and on #nothing is working and idk how to fix it. but also i know that me and only me have to find a way bc there is no help #i struggle bc of my avpd and mental health but there is no treatment for me to get. they just dont wanna give me *any* help at all #im just so frustrated. and every day is the same. everyday is full of some physical pain anxiety stress worries suicidal thoughts etc etc #i cant break free idk how!!!! my life is so fkn boring and pathetic and miserable #i never get to relax bc all of a sudden last year i got extremely noise sensitive. and it's never quiet anywhere in this city #anyway yeah i could just keep going. and like now im feeling anxious bc my tooth is aching :(( #it -everything- never stops or lets up or relents. and it makes me wanna die even more. #so... idk im just incapable of being hopeful abt anything and that's really killing me idk

[simcardiac-arrested]

there's a pipebomb in your mailbox

#ghhhweuhghh #whhuehgghhhh #looks around pathetically like a little fish . With the biggest eyes ever #blinks at my screen one eye at a time #jaga you cant keep getting away with this im serious. doing some sort of shit to me always #somerhhjng bad happening to me. maybe shitting myself over these designs for hours was worth it #starts throwing rocks around for no reason . soemthing happening #it’s been like one hour istill can’t think of anything to say i feel like i got hit on the head real hard #sorry i had the worst day on planet earth but this made me relaly happyy but also ]%{*}*}%&:);&$[>]*]€|€):&;;₽@272928484 #i’ll reblog it later with more thoughts maybe i dont knowww. weuhggh i like Like them #i love tha you gave watch more face markings ….. and emerge looks so cutes …. awww belyflop think it’s smiling ! #i think i need to go. in the dark #cramswering #is for me tag #oc: watchful eye #oc: in case of emergency #blinks really hard. againe #i need to jump into liquid cyanide

[just-observing-here]

I try to autism my way into self care and stuff but I can't because all my favorite characters are robots who would be disgusted with organic practices in hygiene. I would be like, "I need to brush my teeth..." And my brain would be like, "Metal Sonic from the game franchise Sonic the Hedgehog wouldn't like that." And I suffer.

#Only Glamrock Freddy from the hit game Five Nights at Freddy's Security Breach would want me to brush my teeth #Metal Sonic would consider me a “Pathetic Organic” and I don't want to be that #Funtime Foxy would steal my teeth #Sometimes it helps if I do it out of spite #Metal Sonic #Chaos Sonic #Neo Metal Sonic #Funtime Foxy #Glamrock Freddy #I tagged all my favorite characters to show what I mean #I have more of course but these guys are always the first that come to mind #It's okay though #I myself am a favorite character and I would like my teeth to be brushed #(I also sometimes call it “Maintance” so my autistic brain thinks I'm doing a robot thing and goes “I LOVE ROBOTS”) #(And let's me brush my teeth/shower)

[ilostyou]

sometimes i wonder how far i'd be willing to go to make myself into someone who is. lovable

#let it once be me etc etc #sorry im. having a moment dont mind this going to the void #i just. maybe the bigger question is if there really is anything i can do #anything anyONE can do not just me #sometimes i think im fine about it and then i think for more than five minutes and im like oh! no that's still there xo #just #im so against changing myself for other people's like view but also i've bent before . i imagine i'll do it again at some point #and i hate it the idea makes my skin crawl but also #pick me choose me love me. lol #sorry literally just look away this is a little pathetic and doesnt even make sense #delete

[hxhhasmysoul]

wouldn't it be nice if the author of the fics finished them. the author is me.

#vent #for the last 4 months my life has been in stupid crisis mode #like constantly #from major ones where i had to move out for a while because it was impossible to stay where i lived #to not being able to use my kitchen for over a week #and like other more or less minor house related stuff that made it impossible for me to use something normally #not a single week without something like that or shit at work which is constantly being so fucking chaotic #and now someone died in my family #not someone very close but i liked them #and of course like feeling sad that they are gone can't be the only thing #because it has to come with the headache of i need to travel for their funeral and it's just before easter #so there's no one in this city to leave my dog with #because most of my friends either live abroad or have cats or are busy before easter.. #i'd just want a week where nothing happens #and like the writing is weighing heavy on me #because i miss it #also i wish i could finish something #i wish something good would happen that i could feel proud off #also because i'm mentally ill and fucking stupid when i was going crazy with my kitchen not working and work shit #i bought new furniture #because after 15 years i've finally had enough money to buy some that aren't fucking black and inconvenient and ugly #which is like a huge project and a crisis i brought onto myself #just because i was too burnt out to write #and i wanted something nice to happen to me #like a nice living space that doesn't make feel like i have no ownership over it because everything in it was some else's choice #and that old furniture was bought by my mother and my brother ages ago and it's handmedowns #and my fucking horrible mother feels personally slighted that i want to get rid of a bed that is broken #because my brother's kids jumped on it regularly when they used to visit pre covid #yeah it's been broken that long because i lost all my savings during covid and had to change careers to a souless pointless corpo job #long pathetic whine and overshare over

[a-c-u-l-o-s]

Throwback to when Senior was actually nice to Artemis for once and Artemis immediately believes he's been brainwashed by magic

#i have my father back but at WHAT COST #weak ass hoe won't even rob banks with me even more smh guess I have to do everything by myself now #immediately proceeds to get his Butler killed and is kidnapped #babygirl vibes #my pathetic little meow meow #also FUCK how bad of a dad was he that this was Artemis's first thought?! #artemis fowl

[christiangeistdorfer]

JACQUES LAFFITE, JEAN-PIERRE JABOUILLE, and PATRICK DEPAILLER on the podium of the 1975 FRENCH EUROPEAN F2 GRAND PRIX

#throws myself outof a window PATRICK !! #also the fact that everyone looks so wet and sloppy and pathetic just makes me love these pictures even more!!! #jacques laffite #jean-pierre jabouille #patrick depailler #classic f1 #f1 #formula 1 #1970s

[soldier-poet-king]

I need to be weirder. I need to hang out/talk with more intensely weird and deeply genuine people, and more frequently

#franposting #apropos of me being weirder and more terrible and more honest lately #and it feels. good? mentally clearer. more at peace #this isnt some oh small talk is bullshit nonsense #it has a place! we need socisl scripts to be polite and function sometimes! #i am simply saying that i personally have spent far too long being the idea of a person. the mask of one #that i want to start being a real person. my pinocchio ass out here like #people pleasing out of fear needs to stop. you can be unsettling. babe. babe its okay. you can laugh ugly and loud and be strange #and too intense and think too much and say strange things #and the world wont end. you can be a person warts and all #it is so weird. and also lowkey pathetic that i am only realizing this now aged 27 #like. my fear didnt make me more palatable or more loved. #it just made me lonely AND more depressed #i might still be isolated and lonely and offputting. but at least i can laugh at myself in joy in the meanwhile #idk if that makes any sense but it does to me so maybe thats all that matters for this post #ANYWAY everyone who ive been talking w lately #(yall know who u are) #im like. thank u. thank u

[shima-draws]

There’s nothing quite like getting a wedding invitation from the guy you used to have a crush on in high school

#Hmm. Feels awful!! #Me to me: Maybe. I'm not quite over this. #IDK IT FEELS WEIRD MAN. I'm very happy for him. But also kinda bummed at the same time. #I think I'm more just dreading showing up and being like aha yeah! Here I am! #I haven't changed at all since we last spoke! Not at all!! #Nothing new or exciting going on with me ever. No accomplishments. No partner I can brag about. NOTHIN #Hey anybody wanna show up as my fake date. Fake dating to lovers AU /j #Idk it just feels wrong to keep hearing from my friends in high school who are all getting married and having kids #Meanwhile me. Who has never dated anybody ever. And has nothing to show from the past five years: #SORRY I'M JUST HAVING A MID-LIFE CRISIS I GUESS. AT THE RIPE OLD AGE OF 26. #Me: I've been dealing with my anxiety and depression on the daily for years now and yeah that's it how are you #My friends: I got my dream job and I'm marrying the love of my life and I'm going to buy a house soon!! #I WANT TO CRAWL INTO A HOLE. AND DIE. YEAH. THAT SOUNDS GOOD #Sorry I need to sit here and feel pathetic and hate myself for a second. Then I'll get overe it #*over #Shima speaks #Maybe I can lie and say I've been backpacking through Europe for the last five months. LMAO

[helianskies]

ugly maths.

i hate maths, right. i don't usually like numbers, and if i do like numbers it's gotta be an 8 or a 48 and nothing else.

thing is, i've recently caught myself doing maths again. ugly maths. the kind of maths that, really, i've been trying to avoid as much as possible because, well, it's ugly!

you... wanna see?

okay, fine... but don't say i didn't warn you!

ugly, see? look at all those numbers! not a 48 in sight!

huh? what's that? you don't see what i'm on about? oh... oh! hang on, lemme just—

better? yes? no? no? okay, what if i—

mmh, yes. ugly numbers. see it now? can you see why they're ugly?

here, i can make it worse.

these numbers are ugly. the maths they make me do is ugly.

now i'll level with you: the worst ones by far are the yellow numbers. the maths they make me do it the ugliest.

why ugly?

because it makes me ugly.

those numbers turn me into not only a suddenly number-obsessed fool, but a fool who also cannot understand these numbers and what they mean and why i feel like they reflect on me and my ability.

87, 75.

the thoughts are as follows:

• the orange numbers are big, so why are you being ugly about the yellow ones? you should be happy with what you have. so many nice big numbers! not everyone receives that.

• is it that there are two different audiences for these two different fics? perhaps. they are quite different works, with different appeals, and different themes. maybe you are reading too much into it.

• why are you obsessing over numbers anyway? you don't like maths! you left maths behind when you were 16, put it down!

okay, okay, fine! i'll put the maths down. right here, in fact!:

that 87 was an 83 at the start of the year. the 6161 it is attached to was a 5453.

4, 708.

ugly maths.

the 75 is a nice number. in fact, compared to 87, it is beautiful, radiant, enchanting. at the start of the year, 75 was 48. wow. now that is one sexy number!

27.

mmmm.

6161, 1061.

5100.

87, 75.

12.

mmmm.

you know, my most favourite comment left recently on a fic of mine was 2 characters long: :(

it made me :)

well, actually, it made me >:) because it was left in response, presumably, to one of the key scenes in a new chapter which left the exact impression on someone that i hoped it would.

they must be the only one who reacted like that, though.

1.

have i mentioned that that 87 and 75 include author responses?

i won't try to do more maths, there. it might not end well for me. the maths is making me tired enough as it is, and i have an early start tomorrow.

oh! but, that being said, i have another set of ugly numbers to show you, so keep 87 and 75 in mind.

ready?

838, 245.

(want a hint? the green numbers!)

838, 87. 245, 75.

9.6, 3.3.

ugly maths. it's ugly again, see? i don't like it. i'm seeing numbers within numbers within numbers, and i can't seem to stop!

the numbers make me ask new questions:

• why is it not good enough?

• people seem to engage more with one fic over the other, so shouldn't you prioritise?

• is all this maths this really good for you?

no, it isn't.

i want to avoid ugly maths. ugly maths makes me want to tear my hair out. it makes me want to start from scratch. it makes me want to grab someone and scream. it makes me want to cry and press a button that has tempted me many times before when the numbers become too ugly to bear.

ugly maths turn me into an ugly person.

ugly maths make me obsessive, paranoid, anxious, regretful, vindictive, spiteful, alone.

i hate maths. i hate numbers, just like, it feels, the numbers hate me.

#helia rants #cw vent #i'm okay but i'm not #this has been playing on my mind over the last couple of weeks #it's aimed at the sky rather than anyone here #i know i'm not the best myself as commenting. i justify it to myself by affirming i don't read much. which i don't. #since the start of the year i have tried to comment on everything i have read #bearing in mind i may also dm someone rather than comment because i want to scream and ramble about their fic more personally #that being said. i know i'm not the only one who finds themselves doing ugly maths #and in turn starting to feel uglier too #i don't like looking at the numbers #i was doing well at the start of the year #but as i open my drafts and look to a new chapter and at the notes i wrote #i can't stop myself from opening the fic. from seeing where it's at. from seeing if it's changed. from checking my inbox to see if... #if only... #what it's meant is that i've come to a point where a fic i loved has become exactly that: a fic i loved. past tense #the other fic is still a fic i love. but i know deep down that that is tied to the numbers too #i hate that this is what i've become #because i have tiny fics. fics with 50 hits and maybe 1 comment. and i love them. i still love them #but when it comes to the big ones. the multi-chapters. the hefty fics. after a point all i see are numbers #and those numbers have come to determine both my happiness and fulfilment as a writer #and so i am ugly. i am sad. i am pathetic. #and i don't know how to stop. #helia's stuff #this was meant to save back into my drafts. i was editing tags. tumblr decided it should post. so... so be it. #also this is not an attention thing if anyone dares go 'oh but you're a good writer uwu' i might do something we'll all regret #this is also not a 'ffs comment on my fics will you 😒' hell no #it's just about me. and my issue. and my unhealthy relationship with these fucking numbers. #gotta get this shit out of my head somehow :)

[theinfinitedivides]

no but fr tho have we noticed that whenever this man eats anything she introduces him to it's like he's having an out-of-body experience? the Japanese restaurant. the beer. the instant ramyeon by the Han River. the roasted eggs at the sauna do i need to keep going

#tv: king the land #king the land #lee junho #junho 2pm #im yoona #girls generation yoona #yoona snsd #kdrama #local gay watches KTL (and gets diabetes in the process).txt #local gay watches k-dramas.txt #shoveling food in his mouth like he's about to die and it needs to be the last thing he tastes. he and Woo Hyul from Heartbeat #are pathetic wet rich men and they're besties btw. that's k-drama canon to me #'i never got to enjoy such treats in life. i've lived in vain.' drama queen but then again maybe not #see i had to choose the food to talk about bc otherwise you'd just hear me sputtering on your dash over his thighs. good God #restraining myself from making an even further food related statement by saying that i hope he has also has an OOBE #when he eats her— *more gunshot sounds* *body is dragged away* #let me leave that for the fics there are children here sksksksk

[devilfruitdyke]

you guys do know that theres more to being gnc than clothes right

#like the post im talking about was about gnc women so thats what im going with #'people say that a woman with a ponytail and a sports bra is masc' mf what. she is if she wants to be #like its overall perceived as more sporty than like. butch i know that #but not taking the effort to do yr hair especially like. on weekends or if you arent conventionally attractive... #... makes you a target for harassment on the basis of being not feminine enough in many rl circles #but also. referring to myself as a boyfriend and brother and king and shit has gotten me Questions regardless of how i dress #ive been made fun of for my deep voice without someone even seeing me #and all the fuckin pathetic rules about holding the door and sitting and eating and swearing add up #really privileged to be like. hmmm i dont see leather jacket so how masculine 🤨 #ESPECIALLY WOMEN WITH LONG HAIR. just say youve never met a black woman judged for the Wrong protective hairstyle #just say you think butch is a fashion style and a body type

[girlypsyop]

Man. Leaving a toxic relationship is just an exercise in learning how to live in your own head again.

#lot going on in here folks :'( #but also :') #for a few weeks i couldnt be alone couldnt be in silence couldnt just. think. #im loving myself again. im laughing and connecting and god im so excited for what comes next #june 19th lana..... you are my soulmate my rock my queen you are everything to me #bc june 19th lana had the strength to leave #june 19th lana swept me off my fucking feet and she fought and yelled and stayed up for 4 days straight #so that 4 days later i could be free again <3 #i will work so fucking hard for june 19th lana.... i never want her to have any regrets... any whatifs.... #im going to give june 19th lana the life she hopes shes fighting for #those four days were torture... moving... yelling... crying crying crying... more moving... driving... #she did that... for me.... #literally she talked to me often... she would sit amongst the boxes and fear and heartbreak and shed talk to her future self #which ig is me <3 and shed tell me how she loved me and how i better not screw this up and she begged me to love her again #god i love her again. i love that mess of a girl. beautiful and strong and terrible! and she got out despite the torture. #june 19th lana. also june 20th 21st and 22nd lana. i hear you. you will have such a beautiful wonderful life i swear #one you will never ever second guess #he fucking killed us! he killed you! the connection the devotion the love it masked the insidious truth that you had to die for that shit #the life he could give you...its pathetic compared to what im gonna give you. #and unlike every promise he ever made... i never go back on my word :) #ok bye

[hella1975]

by pure evil accident taob zuko's current mental state is the exact same as the one ive been stuck in for the past few weeks and that's a bit funny to me. like i started writing this chapter months ago and knew what i was doing with it even longer ago and suddenly ive manifested it into reality. we are both facing the horrors rn

#when the angry character finally learns to acknowledge their rage not as its own problem but as a coping mechanism to the problem #& faces at once the relief of finding the source of all this anger & the horror of realising that the anger itself was never the final boss #and it leaves them in a depressive state where they actually MISS the anger because at least that was active and - in a sense - dignified #whereas this just feels stilted and mopey and like each day is passing and you're losing time doing nothing #but you cant shake it anyway and wow im no longer talking about zuko!!!! we stay embarassing ourselves over taob!!!! #like i realised just now while staring off into space stirring my tea that the reason this particular depressive episode has hit me so hard #(aside the fact it's been a pretty extreme one and my paranoia has rlly flared up to the point ive felt honest to god CRAZY lately haha) #is because it's so DIFFERENT to how i usually respond to feeling like this #like normally my temper gets very quick and i completely isolate and i get mean and sharp #and i convince myself that everyone is out to get me and/or hates me and therefore i must manipulate everyone in my life #and ofc NONE OF THOSE THINGS ARE A GOOD RESPONSE. I AM NOT PROUD OF THEM #THEY ARE ALSO NOT NEARLY AS BAD AS HOW I USED TO BE HENCE I KNOW I AM GETTING BETTER #SLOWLY PAINFULLY WITH MY NAILS DIGGING IN THE DIRT BUT I AM GETTING BETTER ALL THE SAME #but STILL despite how awful those things are they're also very external. like i hurt the people around me in order to protect myself #and there's a dignity to that. there's more control there even if ultimately it's a lack of control causing it #like i have some fucked opinions from my upbringing and ik that like im quite a selfish person and it's bc i was raised to truly believe #that hurting others is always optimal over letting myself be seen as weak. like if my options are to hurt someone even someone i love #or let myself be vulnerable then sometimes i STILL will pick the former (it used to be all the time though <3 progress is progress) #and anger has always been sold to me as a very dignified STRONG emotion and it's how you're SUPPOSED to respond to badness #otherwise you're weak and a baby and pathetic etc etc #and just bc you know something is wrong doesnt mean you didnt internalise the fuck out of it anyway #like i will always see anger as the 'dignified' emotion and unlearning it regardless of that has been one of the hardest things ive done #('wow hella your own journey with mental illness is the literal exact same as taob zuko's-' i will hospitalise the both of us) #whereas currently ive just been sad and pathetic and oversharing to anyone who will listen and desperate for someone to look at me #and be like 'you're not okay' and to fix it FOR ME. like im not ANGRY im SAD and im not used to that response #AND GUESS WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENS THIS CHAPTER BY PURE FUCKING COINCIDENCE?? LITERALLY WHAT #like it's been happening for a few chapters that we're finally moving from anger to sadness on my unofficial healing chart #ever since zuko's outburst with hakoda when zi se had that tantrum #but this is the first time we see Sad Coping Mechanism as a response to a problem instead of Angry Coping Mechanism #taob updates