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#and 35k a year still isn't really making anything
stardustedknuckles · 5 months
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I knew updating my information for next year's insurance rates would make me feel ill but boy it made me feel ill. Going from paying $1 a month for insurance I rarely need to paying $142 per month for insurance I will rarely need, when the amount of money I am getting paid only just allows me to break even on bills and such in the first place, is a huge blow. I hate this. I hate it so much. And it's still the better option because if I tried to get insurance through my work it would be $300.
I don't even really get the option of trying to go without insurance because I have a chronic illness and cannot afford to take that risk anymore than I can afford to pay. It's hellish in both directions.
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sitp-recs · 9 months
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20 Harry-centric fics to read this month
What better way to celebrate Harry’s birthday than revisiting (or discovering) Harry-centric fics? If you feel like taking a deep dive into his character, here are my suggestions: short and long stories exploring his emotional arc, inner struggles, past trauma, sexual liberation and of course, his feelings about himself and about Draco. I couldn’t resist including some Draco POV fics because I love learning about Harry through his eyes. Pick your comfort food and enjoy Harry’s HBD week!
Still Life, orphaned (M, 3k)
Hourglass Heart by @bixgirl1 (E, 5k)
It only happened once — depending on how Harry counted.
Snug by @moonflower-rose (E, 6k)
Potter can't keep his hands off himself. Draco can't look away.
Life goes not backward by @shealwaysreads (T, 9k)
Harry still isn’t used to gifts, but this one is different. A story of coming home, finding safe ground, and the wild courage of putting down roots.
fine i'll hold my breath / til i forget it's complicated by teatrolley (NR, 11k)
Harry and Draco become friends with benefits, and Harry thinks it's more complicated than it actually is.
Let's Go Outside by cryptonym (E, 24k)
Harry's done with the sofa, the hall and the kitchen table, baby.
Famous by @fw00shy (E, 24k)
It's a couple of years after the war, and Harry's bored of models now, the same way he's bored of Ron's constant nagging, bored of his Weasley monogram knitwear, bored of the same fucking grin that greets him when he hands his fire-truck red Bugatti over to the valet every night. He wants to find—well, he isn't sure what he wants. Anything but models.
Expecto Patronum by @writcraft (E, 35k)
As Draco Malfoy negotiates his feelings for the wizarding world's brightest star, he becomes increasingly attached to Harry and unravels the secrets he keeps hidden from the rest of the world.
Unseen by @jackvbriefs (T, 47k)
Harry Potter finally has the chance to leave England and its expectations for The Chosen One behind for good. All he has to do is survive one Auror training conference overseas with Draco Sodding Malfoy.
Here's The Pencil, Make It Work by ignatiustrout (M, 49k)
Harry thinks "Why is Malfoy working in a coffee shop in muggle London?" is a much simpler question than, "Are you going to accept that auror offer and, if you don't, what will you do?"
Meet Me at Midnight by @the-starryknight (T, 57k)
Harry was beginning to wonder if he’d ever make anything again when Malfoy stormed through the door of Harry’s furniture shop. Now Harry’s got an impossible Ministry commission to finish, and even less energy than ever to deal with his elusive muse.
Modern Love by @tackytigerfic (E, 61k)
Harry Potter, of all people, knows that life isn’t always fair. And no one gets to be happy all of the time. But surely there’s something more—something better—than a rubbish Ministry job, and a lonely old house, and that feeling that everyone out there is doing a better job of living than Harry is.
Harry Potter and the elusive day off by pleasebekidding (E, 71k)
Auror Potter needs a fucking break. He is wiped. He is exhausted. He probably didn't intend to put himself into a magical coma but these things happen. And who cares, really? He is comfortable in a house where he has hidden away all the shit he can't deal with.
I Am Not Who I Became by mab_di (E, 93k)
Draco left England after the trials and has travelled the world meeting wizards and Muggles from different cultures and with vastly different relationships to magic, each other, and the natural world. Now he's a fisherman in Finland on commercial vessels. Harry has been struggling since the war and has become a recluse while trying to write his autobiography.
Little Deaths and How to Avoid Them by nerakrose and dustmouth (T, 96k)
Malfoy is way too interested in coroner reports for somebody who's definitely not looking for ways to die, Harry wants to be friends with him, and Ginny wants to break up with Harry.
Who we are in the shadows by @quicksilvermaid (E, 99k)
What happens when you’re forced to become the very thing you despise? Ex-Auror Harry Potter, tossed out of the Ministry for something he had no control over, has been looking for a way back to his former life.
By the Grace by lettered (T, 140k)
Harry is an Auror instructor. Malfoy wants to be an Auror.
where all the veins meet by eight_of_wands (E, 146k)
It's the summer of 1998. The battle is over, and Voldemort is dead, but Harry still has more questions than answers. Who is he without a piece of Voldemort's soul in his head? What is he supposed to do now?
Away Childish Things by lettered (T, 153k)
Harry gets de-aged. Malfoy has to help him.
Can't Sit Still by wilteddaisy (E, 193k)
Five years after the war, Harry finds himself drawn to Draco Malfoy by memories that aren't his own. Or, in which Harry hates his Auror partner, Draco flips houses, Pansy sleeps around, Hermione is a magical creatures’ justice warrior, Blaise is getting married, and Ron is just along for the ride.
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caralara · 1 month
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I know Louis' your fave so I hope it's okay that I send you this. But recently the blinkers have been coming off for me in regards to Louis. I think I used to have him up on a bit of a pedestal. I just thought he was this really intelligent guy, really aware of social issues and willing to fight for the right thing and be rebellious when necessary. I don't know. I saw things playing out very differently. But unfortunately, lately, I've been seeing a lot of laziness and complacency and a willingness to settle from him. A lot of contradictions as well. Like he gets the anarchist symbol tattooed but doesn't speak out or place his support behind anything substantial. I'm sorry, legalizing weed is his most political stance. And then being seen with the Starbucks cup and actually covering it in the video like lmao. Not knowing what number year your festival is when he supposedly had big dreams for it. I know this is so small but it irks me that he's been going on about playing the guitar for years. And he is yet to bring it on stage for even one song! I know it comes from a place of self-doubt and insecurity no matter how confident he makes himself appear but like he just doesn't help himself. And fans exaggerating and praising every little thing he does as if he isn't just some basic white man does my head in. Sorry I word vomited on you and I know this sounds harsh but I acknowledge it comes from a bitter place where I feel like his potential is just not being met. At the end it's his life and I genuinely hope he doesn't have many regrets later on.
hi babe
I think I am completely in the same situation as you! I might not be triggered by exactly the same things but I’ve been going over and over it for the last couple days asking myself why I’m so annoyed with him right now?? And I think it really is just the disappointment finding out your fave man is after all, just a man.
Like, to me, it feels like he’s been stagnant since early 2023. right now, to me it feels like he’s just on the hunt for the cheap thrill, getting the validation in that he also can pull massive crowds of screaming girls just like he did during 1D (and it isn’t even the actual validation he’s looking for??? Like he still starts yapping every time a man validates him as if it’s so much more important??)
I feel like he lost focus, or energy, or both. You know, you said it!! You know I love Louis to death, he’s my favourite, and genuinely, I don’t blame him. It makes a lot of sense to me. He’s finally proven himself to not be a flop to all the people doubting him. He’s overcome all the obstacles, did LTWT and had massive success with it, way beyond anyone expected, rode that wave, made a second album that proved he’s not a one hit wonder either, an album he actually enjoyed making, and proved his fans liked it, too. And then… it just kind of stagnated. His team made mistakes and miscalculations. Announcing Asia tour so short notice thinking, then cancelling bc it didn’t sell out, handling the announcements horribly, not realising LTWT was massive bc of all the pent up excitement and desire throughout years of a pandemic, the magnetism of it being the first solo world tour. They also didn’t get it when it came to Milano Summer fest vs. AFHF. The 35k sold out bc it was announced many months in advance and it was the last LTWT show - that’s meaningful to fans. It was easily accessible. You can’t translate just the numbers to „it’s bc he’s popular in Italy,“ there’s so many factors at play they ignored, and therefore AFHF Italy only sold 2/3 of tickets, and a lot of these people didn’t even show up (couldn’t, I better say).
For me, FITF felt like he had checked out a little. He’s plateauing. The excitement and irresistible draw he has is largely due to his resilience, his underdog persona he created that allows normal people to identify with him. And there just wasn’t any… growth since early 2023. He‘s also alienated a large part of his fandom with the bbg pushes, and as you know, I still believe it was all part of the bigger plan to end it, but it does feel like he gave up, got comfortable. And it’s not that I blame him for it necessarily?? Like all he’s been through? It makes a lot of sense to me that now he’s achieved all the things people told him he wouldn’t be able to achieve, that now the burn out sets in, that now, the driving energy of spite and wanting to prove himself has run out.
I feel like the jokes of “oh I’m a pothead I can’t remember if it’s the third or fourth edition of my super duper important close to my heart festival project” or “oh yeah sometimes I forget I’m an actual parent and have a kid” are getting old. Like, it doesn’t serve him anymore it feels like? To me it feels like the weed was a coping mechanism that helped him get through hard times, and that’s completely valid, but now it looks like to me it’s holding him back, blurring his genius.
I’m sorry for the rant back to you. I’m deeply upset because Louis is my escape, my happy place, fandom is my comfort, and I feel like it’s slipping through my fingers because it causes me more upset than happiness at this point. The amount of “kill yourself” messages I have gotten over criticising louis for announcing AFHF so short notice is frankly INSANE. Do people not talk to other people in real life?? How do the people around these people that send those messages deal with them in real life?? It’s so upsetting to see how many people feel comfortable typing out these kind of messages and sending them.
I do hope this feeling of mine calms down, and I can go back to just glorifying louis and have him as my comfort place, because I do not like the thoughts I have and the way it makes me feel.
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myenemystolvrs · 1 year
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November 2021
completed fics that i read this month.
~read the tags~
▶ more than 1 chap
Sasunaru
1. In Good Company by weialala [M, 200K, 15ch]
“This will sound a little ridiculous, no matter how Sasuke phrases it. I see dead people is embarrassingly tacky, and I'm half-spirit seems like something Sakura might say when she's stoned sky high. So he settles for a shrug.“
2. homesick for a mountain's song by kintou [M, 51K, 8ch]
“Sasuke tries to get away from the world by buying an abandoned house on a mountain. Naruto, tired from his long days in Konoha, gets a little too excited about growing vegetables in Sasuke's garden.“
3. lassitude by annie_dot [M, 11K, 3ch]
“lassitude (n.): weariness of body or mind; lack of energy, interest or spirit
For a few seconds, Naruto thought the ball of something that had been constantly growing in the middle of his chest would suffocate him, but he dug his nails in the palms of his hands and learned to breathe around it.
He went home and crawled into bed.
or
They win the war, but somehow Naruto still feels like he's fighting something.”
4. Leaning Towards the Sun by shherie [M, 28K, 6ch]
“After the death of his parents, Sasuke thought that nothing would ever feel bright again. But then he takes a risk and accepts a job at his old kindergarten, and finds himself quickly developing a crush on the warm, sun-shiny Naruto-sensei.“
“Naruto calls Sasuke bro because that’s what they are. They’re best bros, and best roommates, and best Mario Party partners. And really, if Naruto sometimes lies awake at night thinking about how much it sucks that Sasuke’s straight and not interested, that’s his business.“
5. show me the way that’s home by sosgay [T, 22K, 4ch]
-------------------------------------------------------
▶ one shots
Sasunaru
1. After The World Fell Down by zephyras13 [M, 35K]
“Naruto has been fighting a war for the life of his neighborhood for the past four years, with no end in sight. His world is violent, arbitrary, and ruthless, but it is simple. It makes sense. And then Uchiha Sasuke fucks everything up.”
2. Familiar by KinomiAkai [T, 6K]
“Sasuke's late for his bus. A bookstore's a pretty convenient place to wait, right?”
“Naruto and Sasuke met months ago—online. Naruto's stupid and funny and Sasuke just can't stop talking to him...”
3. Online by KinomiAkai [M, 3K]
4. before today is over by oshit [T, 12K]
“Above him, Sasuke leans over the edge of the pier to watch. Naruto hears him laugh and even with his face draped in shadow, he can imagine Sasuke’s cheshire grin, eyes crinkling with mirth.
He feels Sasuke smiling at him. Naruto would pluck every star from the heavens to keep that feeling.”
5. Sasuke's "Not a Birthday Party" Birthday Party by KinomiAkai [T, 3K]
“Naruto insists it's not a party. Naruto insists that it's going to be great. Sasuke knows better.“
6. Childhood promise by fangirlandiknowit  [T, 3K]
“What?” Naruto asks, making a face at him. “Is there something on my face?”
Sasuke hums, considering him.
“Alright,” he says, pushing his plate away to be dealt with later. “Give me your best pitch. Why should we get married?”
Naruto sucks in a breath, and then coughs as it gets stuck in his throat. His face turns an interesting shade of red, and he rubs at his neck once the coughing is under control.
“Oh man,” he mutters, fake scowling at Sasuke. “I was going to wait until dessert at least.”
7. Your Ass Might Be Outta This World But Your Name Still Isn't Superman by Miasen  [T, 4K]
“Where Sasuke questions the life choices that lead him to take up work in a coffee shop (talk about bad idea), and there's a (hot AF) blond guy who refuses to give up his real name when ordering (not that Sasuke wants to know him or anything, it would just be nice with a name to go with his daydreams. Not that he daydreams about certain blonds. Not at all).“
8. Wedding Tradition by SasuNarufan13 [M, 1K]
“At Naori's wedding, little Naruto decides he wants to join one of the wedding traditions: the bouquet throwing.“
9. eglantine (it's just you and me) by vultuers [M, 11K]
“There's a whole sea of unsaid words between them, etched into their palms, hiding in the back of their minds for years and years. The fate has been woven for each of them beforehand; for Sasuke to find his way out of the lies, for Naruto to finally follow the Moon leading his way, for both of them to find the middle ground.”
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yoonia · 1 year
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i will let you know when i'm reading the series, dia!! i think i'll make it into a mini bookclub for myself and share my thoughts through asks! (i really like analyzing texts, i find it super fun! )
ooh? one wip of yours is inspired by the vogue shoot? i'm excited to see what you have in store!! you come up with the most fun ideas. tae looked absolutely sinful. to me he's the most eccentric one out of all the boys. i can never really figure him out. he's kind of an enigma. AHHH i know exactly what you mean, i have so many wips already and i can't afford to let them keep piling up. this particular one is also inspired by a film i watched a few months ago, and i'd love to see it come to life. but for now i'll probably stick to reading, i love period pieces. there's just something about them i find so much more passionate and romantic. like all the emotions are heightened with the norms of that time period.
i'm so glad you were able to recover/ are recovering from your writing slump. did you end up writing 100 000 words from NaMoWriMo? tbh writing anything is a something that should be praised!! 💜💜for some writing comes easy, while for others... not so much. writing hasn't been fun for me for months and it's disappointing. i used to really like writing and reading but not so much these days. ( it's similar to what namjoon referred to with his interest in the arts and exhibits being that it's an art medium he isn't very familiar with so he can appreciate it for what it is.) and well, it's hard to lose myself in reading when i'm constantly thinking about my endless list of wips. i really do like tumblr as a platform, though. with it's ability to cultivate a space of your own and the possibly for interactions with readers. so i hope things get better soon. thank you for your well wishes, that is so kind of you !
question: i see you're also a fan of dpr ian / chrisitian yu! did you get to see him in concert from his world tour?? i listened to him casually last year, but i really fell in love with him! i found him too late though, so he already performed in my city :( but gosh he is a genius. an embodiment of art. he goes out and beyond, everything about him is just wow. i always wish him strength and good health 🥺what are some of your favourite songs of his??
A mini bookclub??? omg 🥺 that's a really cute idea. I support this wholeheartedly lmaoo I love it when readers go deep in diving my stories, especially love it more when they come back to share about their thoughts or which part(s) of my fic that they love reading. It would be such an honour if you do that with this series too 🥺🥺🥺
Ah yes, the Tae fic. The idea was sent to me through a writing commission (I had it open also to motivate me into writing again and it's been working lol). you are right about him being an enigma. he's like a piece of art himself lol I can totally see why people can have various ideas to write about him. Me, on the other hand, not so much haha. I hope you'll get to share your ideas one day. I enjoy reading period pieces as well. there's something about the way romance is described and narrated in those kind of stories that gets me. It feels more intense and way deeper. I'm not too adept on writing one myself, so I'll stick to enjoy them as a reader 🥺
I didn't reached a huge word count on NaNoWriMo, but I still feel good about it haha. Seeing that I was still deep in my writing slump when I started, I only gave myself a personal goal of 35k words, and I ended up finishing with 37k-ish words and finished a bunch of stuff that has been on hold, so I still feel like I accomplished something out of it cause I finally found the joy in writing again. That's why I hope that you can find that joy again. I remember what Pharrell Williams said on that video he did with Namjoon about losing your interest in something that you love doing. PW said that it's possible to lose the love but you'll always find your way to come back to it again. I see myself experiencing that a bunch of times (whenever I got into long hiatuses) so I do believe that one day you'll be able to get back to that point again.
Ooh yes, I LOVE Ian 🥺🥺🥺🥺 He is my true love, my muse, my second husband after Yoongi lmao. I found out about him since the day he made the MV for Taeyang and MOBB, then once I got into DPR Live's music, I got to see more and more of his work and have loved him since. He is just a talented human being and a genius of a man. I'm so happy that he can finally release his music and share it with the world. He's been talking about it for a long time, but he's been so focused on building DPR that it took him a while but it seems like the perfect time for him to release these albums. They're coming to Aussie this month so I'll be seeing him then. This would be the second show I'm seeing of DPR as a whole but the first for him :') It's too bad you missed him, but I hope they get to go back on the road soon since they keep releasing new stuff. I can't possibly choose, but I've been listening to Nerves and Calico a lot. I even have a fic planned based on Calico 🥺
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everythingsinred · 3 years
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Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Natsume (pt.10)
WOW we did it folks. 10 parts to an essay that we're like. a quarter of the way done with. That's pretty great! More or less, by the time you finish reading this post, you'll have read 35k words worth of analysis and I'll have spent countless hours writing it. What amazing dedication we have to this manga! We should get an anime reboot as a reward!
Anyway, let's go crazy stupid trying to wrap up this arc, where we can see the extent of Natsume's selflessness. As we approach the end, something will happen to make Natsume's plans to distance himself from Mikan very difficult. Let us begin!
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Also I've been forgetting to put trigger warnings up for these but I put them on the first few so hopefully you know they're all like that. Child abuse is a huge topic we'll cover throughout, as well as all the consequences that come with it, so be wary.
Chapter Forty-One
Medusa--Mihara-san--is amused to see that the frightening, powerful, and awe-inspiring “Black Cat”, who demonstrates a trained command of his alice despite wearing an alice-restraining mask on missions, is actually just a little kid.
Natsume doesn’t care about being impressive; he cuts to the chase, asking where Mikan is. Medusa makes his comments, but Natsume stays on his point: his new mission is to save Mikan, after all. Though keeping Mikan and Ruka safe had been his personal mission from the get-go. But just as Natsume isn’t interested in anything Medusa has to say if it isn’t about Mikan, Medusa isn’t interested in any topic that is about Mikan. So the small talk ends and Shiki is commanded to test the kids’ abilities.
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Natsume cares about one thing right now and it isn't his DA alias.
They are in the midst of some kind of battle or standoff when Mikan reappears, safe. She calls out to them, excited to see them again. Ruka and Tsubasa are happy to see her safe as well, so they call out too. Natsume is not as thrilled. He’s good at staying on mission and keeping his attention on the dangers around him, like Shiki and Medusa, as well as the countless other Z members, all with mystery alices.
Mikan suddenly appearing and making herself known is dangerous, and she’s immediately under attack, unwittingly. He runs to protect her, using his alice as a barrier between them and the man who just tried to hurt her, but when he turns back to look at Mikan, he’s livid.
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The art in this scene is so gorgeous, I could stare it forever. Look at how silky Natsume's hair is. Pretty.
Tsubasa and Ruka have never been on a mission like this. They were just eager to see Mikan unharmed. She was also just excited to see her friends again after being separated. But Natsume knows better. On a mission, you have to stay vigilant and always careful, and Mikan was careless. He yells at her, scolding her. But even through his emotions, he stays vigilant, protecting her even more when the enemy tries to take advantage of the distraction.
This is what he came for, not just to be the brains and keep them on track throughout the journey, but also to protect them, because that’s what he always does, what his priority always is. He will use his alice to ward off enemy attacks, and use his body as a shield, even if he winds up exhausted and bleeding and hurt. And he is.
But he still tells Mikan to stay behind him, to stay safe, so he can properly protect her this time, because he couldn’t do it before.
He doesn’t expect Mikan to get up and tell him that he doesn’t have to worry. She doesn’t want or need him to protect her; instead she wants to help him. She tells him, for once, that he doesn’t have to be the only one hurt anymore. He’s understandably surprised to hear this, because it means that someone other than Ruka has been paying attention. She understands that he’s been through the wringer, and she doesn’t want to just sit back and benefit from his effort without giving anything back. But more than just saying she’ll take on the brunt of things for him, she wants to help. She wants to be his strength, not a burden on him.
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She has been noticing him, even the things he doesn't want her to notice.
This shocks him enough that it actually distracts him from his vigilance, and suddenly it appears that Ruka is in danger. He leaves her side just long enough for her to be captured by Shiki instead, and immediately teleported to Medusa’s side. They needed to get Mikan out of the way, after all, so that Medusa could use his alice, which he immediately uses to petrify Tsubasa’s leg.
Chapter Forty-Two
Right off the bat, we’re shown just how much the stakes have risen. Medusa’s alice is deadly, not just dangerous, and he’s already managed to hit Tsubasa with it. His next command is to have Yuka steal the kids’ alices, and to start with Natsume. It would make things easier on him, anyway, Medusa says, obviously privy to the idea that a child like Natsume wouldn’t want to be a child soldier at all, unlike Reo who mused that maybe Natsume would be more content with just a change of employer.
But Yuka makes it clear that her alice isn’t strong enough to steal all of the alices at once, trying to spare the kids from losing their abilities. So Medusa then goes to a Plan B, convincing the kids that his alice will only be temporarily affecting them until they agree to work for Z. After all, Natsume can’t really use his alice when Medusa has Mikan in his clutches. He’s been in this situation before, practically living in it, having the lives and happiness of his loved ones held over his head so that he will be pliant. Medusa comments that he loves torturing people like him, and he must not be the only one, since Natsume’s been tortured in this way for years now.
Ruka is hit in the shoulder while trying to shield Tsubasa from another attack from Medusa, and the shoulder region is particularly life-threatening, as it’s close to the heart and he might die from the loss of blood flow soon. Of course, this sets Natsume into berserk mode, but before he can use his alice, he coughs violently. This gives Medusa an opportunity to strike Natsume in his dominant arm, his left one.
He tries to use his alice, despite being at a new disadvantage, and still angry from what’s happening to Ruka. So his leg gets hit too.
Medusa gets temporarily incapacitated by Mikan’s nullification, so he sends Yuka to steal Natsume’s alice, which should be a walk in the park because he’s lost control of his arm and leg, so he can’t run away.
It’s here that Natsume reveals to the reader the secret he’s been keeping for the past few days, the one that we must now keep as well, that Mikan is Yuka’s daughter.
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This is another one of those situations, where the stars align in all the wrong ways. Something you've always wanted is within grasp, but there's too many reasons not to take it.
Natsume stands there, unable to move, and ponders his situation as Mikan desperately screams for him to run away.
He wonders if he was waiting for this exact moment, if that’s the reason he came along at all, so that he could meet Yuka and have her steal his alice away.
Earlier, Natsume left a conversation about losing alices because it was too painful. He doesn’t feel the same way about his that the rest of them do. It’s not some fond part of him that he can’t stand to lose. He hates it. It’s been a hindrance since the day he was born. People of all sorts of organizations, including the government operated Academy and terrorist organizations like Z, have coveted his power. It’s put his loved ones in danger. It’s made his life a living hell. He’s been robbed of a fun childhood, of smiles and friendship, of peace. It’s stolen opportunity from him, so he can’t even feel free to pursue a crush, or make bonds freely, or let himself laugh. It stole his future from him, and he dies a little bit more every day. He won’t live long enough to go on a date, graduate, get married, get a normal job, have kids, grow old. He might not even make it to middle school, and he knows it. He lives his whole life in eternal emotional, physical, and mental agony. He’s always under the gun, always careful, always selfless, always defensive.
Why would anyone want that?
And this is his chance to lose it all. Things could be easier, better, safer. He could lose it and finally exhale. He could go back home to his dad. He could be an actual kid for once. Yuka could steal his alice and all of his responsibilities and the deadweight he’s been carrying on his back for his whole life could be gone.
Of course he almost lets her steal it.
But Mikan has been screaming in anguish for him to run away, and he remembers what she said when she saved him during the Reo Arc: that it was too late to give up, and that they should return to the academy together, because a bright future must be waiting for them.
And because of that, Natsume makes his first move to escape Yuka’s alice.
Does Natsume really want a future if his friends and loved ones would still be in danger? Would it be worth it if he was safe, if it came at the price of their safety? If Natsume doesn’t use his alice to keep them safe and protected, then who will? Who can?
Natsume smacking Yuka’s hand away isn’t selfish. It’s not him realizing he wants to keep his alice, that maybe deep down, he might actually love it. It’s not dear to him in any way. It’s still the thing that wears his body down and forces him to cough up blood. No, this act is selfless, yet again, because his own happiness and even his life come dead last to him. He has to keep them all safe after all.
Yuka snatches his wrist anyway, ready to steal his alice away, until she realizes she can’t. Mikan is using her alice from all the way across the room to protect Natsume.
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So basically, the idea of Natsume leaving the academy causes this kind of reaction in Mikan, something Natsume has no choice but to see for what it is: fondness.
He looks at her with surprise, because this is an act of affection. Mikan has just used her alice to keep him with her. His life isn’t in danger, but she wants him to stick around. Now more than ever, Natsume can see proof that she cares about him, even despite all the bullying he’s done, despite all the mean words he’s thrown her way, even after he told her cruelly that he hates every single thing about her. Up until now, Natsume had no reason to believe she was doing anything but tolerating him, and though that was the outcome he was working for, deep down he does want the girl he likes to have some fondness for him too. This is the first time Natsume can really see that he means something to her too, as more than just a classmate or a partner. He is someone she doesn't want to part with.
And Mikan has fulfilled her wish, to be Natsume’s strength, because now Natsume is able to yell at her to duck and blow up the wall behind her.
Usually such huge explosions are the result of him at his angriest, using his ability to punish the people who hurt his loved ones. He’s probably also done similar things on missions, maybe even when he’s completely calm. But this time Natsume is weaker than ever, his dominant left arm completely out of commission, unable to move, under duress. He finds the strength to cause that explosion because of Mikan, because she wants him around.
While everyone is distracted, Natsume tells Yuka to go help Mikan, hinting that he knows her secret.
So Yuka stabs Mihara-san and has the petrified kids lick his blood off the blade. It’s confusing to the other kids why she would do this, but Natsume knows exactly why.
It would be interesting to see more interaction between Yuka and Natsume. Surely Yuka knows that Natsume is Kaoru’s son? It would be interesting to see if she noticed that his name matches Mikan’s. What does she think of him? What might their dynamic be like? I will always mourn that we’ll never find out.
Chapter Forty-Three
This chapter is the one that should officially designate this manga into the “tragedy” category. Yes, there’s been some heavy and deep stuff so far, most having to do with Natsume and the heavy abuse he deals with, but even with all that it’s managed to be mainly a cheerful and upbeat story. This chapter makes it clear that horrible and heart-wrenching things can and will happen, that we can’t count on a happy ending every time.
The kids are close to escape. They’re about to head through a warp zone back to school, and it’s urgent they move fast because the hide-out they’re in is currently imploding. Unfortunately, Mikan has dropped the antidote to the bullet that hit Hotaru, so she refuses to leave until she’s retrieved it from under a pile of rubble.
Pengy finally has a chance to prove itself, wriggling under and saving the antidote for Hotaru. It has helped Mikan, and because that’s the best thing someone can do, Natsume is grateful.
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Natsume's smile (even a small one like this) has incredible powers, like giving robots a feeling of self-worth, making his classmates fall in love with him, and making me think he is a good boy. It would be irresponsible to overuse it.
Just like when Tsubasa showed his worth back at the high school division when he used his alice to help Mikan, Natsume has a new respect for Pengy, who was able to do something amazing to help the group, and Mikan especially. So he gives Pengy a slight smile. It’s really subtle and nothing outstanding on anybody else, but it’s a rare thing to get from Natsume, even for those whom he loves. “I guess you can be a little useful,” he says. This is the best sign of appreciation someone can get from him, and Pengy glows for a moment (ahh… the power of Natsume’s smile), until things fall apart.
The floor gives way under Mikan’s feet. They’re able to pull Mikan up, but Pengy is still too far to reach. Despite Mikan’s desperation, Pengy understands that they’re wasting time trying to reach it. Finally, after Pengy has proven its use to Natsume, it refuses to be a hindrance again, and sacrifices itself so that everyone can safely return the antidote to Hotaru.
They’re all through the tunnel, hit with the knowledge that Pengy is gone. They all react somewhat differently, but Natsume feels guilt.
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Pengy's smile has evil powers because it makes me cry.
Natsume had considered Pengy a robot, something unfeeling and mechanical, just a useless thing Hotaru made once. It was something that could be discarded, and after it had proven to be troublesome, he’d even advocated that it should be discarded. He’d considered it useless all along, but when it really counted, Pengy was able to save Mikan and the antidote. It proved not only that it could be useful, but that it wasn’t just another mechanical robot. When Natsume smiled at it, it smiled back. And in its final act of sacrifice, it acted out of love for both Hotaru and Mikan, and Natsume feels sorry for what he’d said about it.
Natsume has a habit for establishing a bad impression of someone, and then having that person work hard to prove themselves to him. Pengy is one example, but he’s like this with Tsubasa, Mikan, and all sorts of people at first. People (and robots) that he despises until they show him what they’re really made of, winning his respect and sometimes even affection. It makes sense he would be so distrustful, seeing the life he has to live. Trusting the wrong person can get you hurt sometimes, and can lead to disaster. And having something useless like Pengy can cause a mission to fail. But Natsume is sometimes wrong about his first impression of a person, and the same qualities that could lead him to believe something is useless or annoying can end up being strengths that he respects.
Chapter Forty-Five
Yes, I skipped 44 because that’s more noteworthy as a Mikan chapter. Natsume doesn’t do anything I found particularly intriguing and I didn’t want to make anything up or repeat myself. In fact, for the rest of this arc, there’s very little left for me to say, so I apologize if this is a short analysis to conclude with.
The first thing we’ll address is the ESP and Persona discussing the insubordination that has just occurred. Yes, an injured student has safely recovered, and a Z hideout has been destroyed, but it wasn’t their plan for things to happen that way. Narumi needs a warning, for one. Natsume, according to Persona, needs simply to be punished back into obedience. From the way Persona talks about him, we can see how little he thinks of Natsume, how easy he can be to manipulate and control, which is all he is good for anyway. To them, Natsume is nothing more than a pawn in their game. Sure, he’s a useful pawn, the Black Cat that strikes fear into the hearts of the school’s enemies and successfully completes his missions even with a punishment mask on, but he’s still just a pawn. Nothing more.
While watching Mikan and Hotaru’s reunion, Tsubasa teases Natsume about joining the group hug. Natsume ignores him, and makes to walk away, but stops just long enough to toss his healing alice necklace to him. Tsubasa can borrow it to make up for having Subaru put Natsume’s injuries first. He makes it clear that he doesn’t want anybody looking after him, and that might seem like a snub, but this is kindness too. Natsume calls Tsubasa by his name, though he’ll do his best to avoid ever saying it again, and lends him a source of comfort and healing to pay back Tsubasa’s compassion. This is a growing moment, because Natsume has opened himself up to the idea that he could care about more people, even if it means more to lose.
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Saying people's names is another rare magic from Natsume, I guess.
Natsume has learned things on this mission too, just like Mikan has. He’s a bit more open-minded now. He judged both Tsubasa and Pengy, and ended up changing his mind about them both, even if only by a little. He’s also discovered that Mikan has affection for him too, and it will completely undo all the effort he’s so far tried to make in distancing himself. It’s one thing to stay away from the girl you like when she hardly stands you. It’s another thing when she enjoys your company, and your feelings are turning into love. His feelings have intensified, or maybe they were always so intense but are just newly solidified, as he’s not hiding from them as much anymore.
He won’t be able to distance himself from her anymore, so he’ll completely stop trying.
Conclusion
Natsume has realized that Mikan holds a degree of fondness for him too, and because he is now very deeply in love with her, he will not be able to stay away like he'd resolved to before. Tomorrow we will begin our essay with Natsume's birthday, a very exciting way to start looking at his new approach to his relationship with Mikan.
The last essay (pt. 9) in particular inspired people to tell me that they were learning new things about Natsume, and as a result even loving him more, and that makes me so happy! Natsume is one of my favorite characters ever, and I want people to love him as much as I do! I love when people leave comments or questions! Really, I'm just so happy and over the moon that people are reading and enjoying, because again--this is a LOT of words. It's a long essay, and it means so much not just that people want to read about Natsume and his feelings for Mikan, but that they want to hear what I have to say about it! Thank you so much for supporting me! Isn't it exciting that we're about a quarter through? <3
I can’t put a song in the tags cuz I have too many tags. So. Church by Fall Out Boy.
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sitp-recs · 1 year
Note
Love ur recs sm so I come here screaming crying begging for eight year/hogwarts era recs... binged the classics and craving more but I swear I've read all of them...please help lovely sitp 🙏🙏
Hello 🙌 I did a couple reclists for 8th year but here are some fics I don’t see recced often:
A Pain of Our Choosing by @lqtraintracks (E, 6k)
It’s 8th year and everyone’s still a bit messed up. Harry and Draco fall into being messed up together.
Good Company by Greenflares (T, 8k)
With Hermione and Ron always together, Harry's return to Hogwarts to complete his education isn't exactly fun. Somehow, it's his unlikely friendship with Malfoy that keeps him sane.
What Country, Friends, Is This? by khalulu (M, 8.4k)
When Harry and Draco are paired up for a nebulous “capstone project” in 8th year, Draco suggests they use it as an opportunity to take a free Grand Tour of Europe. Harry isn’t interested in being grand, and they soon veer off the beaten path. The journey to find what (and who) you really want can lead to unexpected places.
swallow your words by icarusinflight (E, 9k)
The truth is, not many things are known about the magic that is behind soulmarks. They'll turn up when they want and not before. The truth is, you don't get a choice in your soulmark. The truth is, not everyone is okay with that.
Marginal Notes by @blamebrampton (G, 9k)
When you’re 18, and nothing is as it was meant to be, sometimes it can be hard to let the right people know what you are thinking.
Stand Back: I'm About to Perform Archaeology by Blowfish_Diaries (E, 9.7k)
A new Muggle Studies professor takes the Eighth Year students to work on an archaeological excavation. In which Draco is lazy, Harry is sweaty, Hermione is drunk, and Ron turns red.
Slow Hands by eleventy7 (T, 10k)
Blood, shadows, and paper hearts. The Shadow hunts students, but Draco Malfoy most of all.
warmest part of the winter by warmfoothills (T, 11k)
It’s not even a balcony, it’s just a window with a bit of a ledge, and Draco’s read Shakespeare anyway, he knows how this one ends.
Find The Balance by lauren3210, Obliviate_Amores (M, 15k)
After Harry gives Draco his wand and goes back to using his own, they both start having trouble making them work. Finding out why is a lot simpler than fixing the problem.
Said and Unsaid (or, The Value of Knowing When to Stop Talking) by bryoneybrynn (T, 15k)
When the Interrogator asked if he had anything to say on his own behalf, Draco shook his head, his lips pressed tight in a thin line. There was nothing to say that wouldn’t sound like an excuse.
Hey, Potter by SunseticMonster (M, 16k)
Harry returns to Hogwarts for his 8th year, determined not to let Malfoy get to him. But when the snarky teasing starts up again, Harry finds that returning the jibes with compliments has a far more interesting outcome.
On Our Way by dynamic (E, 30k)
Draco is trying to spend the summer keeping his head down, but a repair project and a certain snowy owl have other plans for him.
Colloquy by @dracoladon and @lazywonderlvnd (E, 30k)
Harry's not gay, Malfoy just smells good.
All Things Go by @sorrybutblog (E, 33k)
Draco’s back at Hogwarts by court order. Harry’s back for no particular reason at all. Some things change, some stay the same. Neither expects to spend eighth-year living in close quarters, playing rugby (poorly), staying up late, sneaking around, and finally figuring it all out.
Inside Your Mind by lazywonderlvnd (E, 35k)
Goyle's taken it upon himself to act as Malfoy's personal, one-man guard and Harry can't help but feel like it's only making the bullying worse.
Eager for the Sky by @oknowkiss (M, 35k)
It was announced, just as the Triwizard Tournament had been, at the start of term feast. A year-long, international Quidditch varsity match — the inaugural Wizarding Academy Cup.
Like Lightning at Your Fingertips by potterwatch (T, 43k)
The problem with living with another insomniac is, eventually, they find out you’re one, too. When Harry and Draco return for their eighth year, they think they’ll see very little of each other. Then McGonagall assigns them to room together.
The July Tree by oknowkiss (E, 51k)
Neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet, nor hail… nor well-meaning friends, nor questionable communication skills, nor seven years of hating each other’s guts can keep Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy from falling in love.
Seeker, Chaser, Keeper by VivacissimoVoce (M, 59k)
Rumor has it that a wealthy investor is starting up a brand new professional Quidditch team and he’s looking for players. Harry and Draco both want to make the team, but there can be only one Seeker. Will competing for the position bring them closer or drive them further apart?
The Promise of Summer by Omi_Ohmy (M, 66k)
How was Harry supposed to know that coming back for eighth year would be so confusing? Everything is the same, and yet not the same. And nowhere is this more obvious than with Draco Malfoy.
Reparo by amalin (E, 85k)
Voldemort's final defeat does not mean Harry Potter's troubles are over; far from it. In the aftermath of war, he returns to a Hogwarts that is fractured and divided, but this is no break that can be fixed with a spell.
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sitp-recs · 1 year
Note
hi liv!! i've been following your blog for years and it's always been such a comfort to me, thank you for all you do!!
i got broken up with this week, and i'm taking it very hard. it's my first real breakup and no one's fault, so it's just horribly sad. do you have any recs that are just soothing and soft at this time? just anything that will make me feel like things will be okay
no worries at all if not, i know this isn't exactly specific and you must be busy <3
Oh darling, I’m so sorry to hear that 💔 I’ve been there and I know it’s not easy but you’ll get through it! Give yourself time to grieve and rest over the weekend. I’m sending warm hugs, hopefully these will help soothe your heart. I’d also recommend dustmouth’s incredible comic stories, they’re my go-to comfort food!
Market Saturdays by iota (M, 3k)
In which Harry is an accidental part-time cheesemonger, Draco is an organic farmer and they fall in love. Not an AU.
The Long Fall by tackytiger (M, 3.6k)
It's supposed to be a simple house renovation, and maybe it's just the paint fumes, but Harry is feeling dizzy around Draco Malfoy. And what's the real meaning of family, anyway?
Life goes not backward by shealwaysreads (T, 9k)
Harry still isn’t used to gifts, but this one is different. A story of coming home, finding safe ground, and the wild courage of putting down roots.
fine i'll hold my breath / til i forget it's complicated by teatrolley (NR, 11k)
Harry and Draco become friends with benefits, and Harry thinks it's more complicated than it actually is.
the way you make me glow by softlystarstruck (M, 11k)
In a cottage next to the sea, love blossoms. Or perhaps it’s been there all along.
warmest part of the winter by warmfoothills (T, 11k)
It’s not even a balcony, it’s just a window with a bit of a ledge, and Draco’s read Shakespeare anyway, he knows how this one ends.
How We Throw Our Shadows Down by thistle_verse (T, 14k)
Draco has finally found the perfect, rare piece to complete his collection. The only problem is that the item belongs to Harry Potter, the last wizard on earth Draco wants to ask another favour from.
Yours Truly by skeptique (M, 15k)
Every single one of Harry’s exes has gone on to marry the next person they date, and with the upcoming nuptials of numbers six and seven to each other, Harry’s feeling exhausted by it all. It doesn’t really matter if he lets people assume Draco Malfoy is his boyfriend for a moment of peace. In any case, Draco’s been away for five years and there’s no way he would find out, right?
Sourdough by academicdisaster (M, 17k)
Draco writes romance novels and doesn't leave his apartment much. Harry bakes bread and sells it to Draco. Draco is quite weird. Harry might like that.
The Snitch-Maker by Omi_Ohmy (T, 21k)
Draco is content with his Snitches, with the tap tap tap of his hammer, and the tiny gears and sharp scent of metal in his workshop - until one day Harry Potter appears, asking for help to solve a rash of Snitch-tampering in the Quidditch world.
Nice Things by aideomai (M, 22k)
The first thing that happened was Theodore Nott came back from France.
On the Turning Away by blamebrampton (G, 25k)
It's one thing to be good at not making a besotted fool of yourself over a man when he's busy being the most famous wizard in the world and you're tucked away quietly in Wiltshire. It's quite another when you have to see him every morning.
Open For Repairs by FeelsForBreakfast (M, 35k)
After the war, Draco works at a tv repair shop and Harry breaks things.
Eager for the Sky by oknowkiss (M, 35k)
It was announced, just as the Triwizard Tournament had been, at the start of term feast. A year-long, international Quidditch varsity match — the inaugural Wizarding Academy Cup.
Follow the Water by xanthippe74 (T, 38k)
Harry Potter’s life is fine. Maybe a little dull and predictable, but he shouldn’t complain about that, right? When he unexpectedly finds himself at Luna’s house one afternoon, Harry gets invited to join the secret wonderland that she’s creating with a surprising group of friends. Maybe a summer outdoors is just what a former hero needs to bring some zest back into his life.
And if you’re in the mood for long fics:
Like Lightning at Your Fingertips by potterwatch (T, 43k)
The problem with living with another insomniac is, eventually, they find out you’re one, too. When Harry and Draco return for their eighth year, they think they’ll see very little of each other. Then McGonagall assigns them to room together. And the castle starts breaking. And there’s that thing with Potter’s magic.
A Room Up There (And You In It) by thestarryknight (T, 59k)
When Preservationist Draco Malfoy was assigned to work on Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place, he was excited to delve into the gorgeous Black family antiques. His excitement quickly ended when something in the House decided it did not like his presence one bit. Featuring a grumpy antiques lover who most certainly did not sign up for this, encounters with a vengeful apparition, and a healthy application of Christmas spirit.
Little Deaths and How to Avoid Them (or Draco Malfoy's Guide to Stop Dying and Start Living Instead) by nerakrose and dustmouth (T, 96k)
Malfoy is way too interested in coroner reports for somebody who's definitely not looking for ways to die, Harry wants to be friends with him, and Ginny wants to break up with Harry.
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sitp-recs · 2 years
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Hidden Gems by sdk | @unmistakablyoatmeal
What can I say about this unsung hero with 211 HP works in her catalogue? Sdk is an author I revisit often because everything she writes is GOLD - both Drarry and rare pairs that check all my boxes with exciting UST, light angst, charming banter and mindblowing hot smut. Age gap, femslash, triads, it’s all here folks. Sdk is every multishipper’s dream writer and there’s something bold and compelling about the way she explores ship dynamics that makes me drool in anticipation, I just know its gonna be a deeply satisfying ride. I can’t say how much I appreciate someone so prolific exploring old beloved tropes and delivering so much top quality content over the years. I had to put my horny hat aside (not an easy feat) to make sure this list included a variety of themes reflecting how resourceful and brilliant Sdk is. The best thing? They’re all pocket size reads, and that means you’ll get obsessed just like me but will be able to go through all of them today. I hope I did a good job (this is my longest reclist yet!) but I still urge you to go check her catalogue and give those brilliant drabbles some love as well. Happy Friday!!!
Drarry
Three series (2013, E, 3.5k) - insanely hot Draco/Teddy & Drarry+Teddy, Sdk was delivering the goodies before this triad was cool 😌🙌
Draco's never one to miss an opportunity. Especially when it comes twice in one night.
Pub Night (2014, E, 7k) - Loo sex! Loo sex! Loo sex! Always a fave, fwb to lovers, sweet sweet get together
In a cramped loo at The Bitter End, what Harry and Draco do is only about one thing: getting off. ...Isn't it? Read my rec here.
Swish and Flick (2013, E, 7k) - really fun and cool time loop fic with pub romance and meddling friends, btw this Ron/Pansy/Hermione triad gives me life!
The Swish and Flick is the last place Draco wants to spend his Saturday evening—especially when he discovers Potter is also in attendance—and he can't wait for the night to end. Unfortunately for Draco, time is not on his side.
Save My Wonders (2014, E, 21k) - gorgeous and sensitive fic about healing and self-love. Chubby Draco, falling in love, found family. A must read!
Immediately chocolate assaulted Draco's senses. Warm melted chocolate mixed with his mother's roses and... something else. Something new. Freshly scrubbed skin and maybe a faint sheen of sweat. It was so familiar... And it only intensified when Potter came up behind him.
The Wand Slipped (2019, E, 35k) - all-time fave! Thrilling case fic with family drama, lots of hot smut and a gorgeous pining Draco that will take your breath away 🥺
After a messy, public divorce and a disgraceful exit from the Auror Department, Harry is trying to rebuild his life as a private investigator. But when his ex-wife ends up in St. Mungo's, and Harry's tasked with finding her attacker, he'll have to confront the mistakes of his past, and rely on an old enemy, in order to get closure and move on, and incidentally, solve the case. Read my rec here.
Rare pairs
A Selfish Desire (2020, E, 1k) - delicious Ginsy short feat. second person POV and anal sex, yes pls!
Ginny has you bent over the kitchen table before you have time to smirk.
Coax to Bliss (2019, E, 2.4k) - exquisite Sirry smut with pining, peak UST and lush shower sex and praise kink, all my favorite things in one place 🔥
Harry likes to break the rules but he's very good at obeying when he wants to.
Always (2012, M, 2.5k) - perfect Harry/Teddy vampire fic full of angst, devotion and trust. My heart!
Harry would do anything for Teddy. Even this.
Bounty (2017, E, 2.7k) - Millie wears a thigh holster and Ginny can’t resist, and we don’t blame her. Super sexy PWP with a hopeful ending, so good
After her divorce, Ginny discovers a new experience might be just what she needs.
Flatmates (2011, E, 5.5k) - what’s a little drunk sex between friends, amirite? This is the only Drarry + Romione you need to read: scorching hot, funny, organic and with amazing chemistry and characterization. A+ content
Hermione is just as bossy inside the bedroom as she is out of it. The reason Draco knows this is because Harry's walls are too thin. Read my rec here.
Make Me Feel, Make Me Hurt, Make Me Whole (2019, E, 6k) - it’s about the yearning!!!! Brilliant “angst with a happy ending” Pansmione with lots of pining, semi public sex, and background Drarry as a treat.
Hermione and Pansy fall in love.
Shut Up and Kiss Me (2018, E, 7.7k) - the sweetest Harry/Teddy AU you’ll see this week with cute smitten Harry and grocery shop romance, we love to see it!
There's a reason Harry walks an extra ten blocks to go to the shops and it has nothing to do with onions.
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