#and also it's a lot of money. which i have and could spend on the trip but still. it's a lot of money and i need to think it through

[harrietvane]

So, in Busman’s Homeymoon, Lord Peter buys Harriet Vane a mink cloak worth 950 pounds (according to the Dowager Duchess’ journal entry), but he buys Tallboys for “only” 650 pounds.

Even bearing in mind that real estate really did used to be cheaper, do you understand how that is possible? Or how to find out more about relative purchasing power? I used an online calculator website which gave me some figures, but it still seems insane that one could buy an entire Elizabethan farmhouse for 2/3 the price of a garment! Very curious to learn from others who understand this better than I do.

Ah, I see my esteemed colleague @oldshrewsburyian has also had some interesting thoughts on this, so I'll link that here as well before I begin.

So, it's a legitmate question, and there's no catch-all simple answer (in the gotcha sense of 'why didn't i know that bit of cultural Truth'), but there are mitigating factors that take it from a ridiculous price comparison, to merely outlandish. Even taking into account that the coat is quoted in guineas, not pounds, and that PW says the bank valued Talboys at £800 via a mortgage (the paid price was a discount, for paying in cash quickly, which is Plot Relevant), it gets us to roughly the same place, value-wise. Or shall we say PRICE-wise, rather than value, as I'll get into below. There's several factors at play here - they mainly relate to class, and spending power:

-The house is Not That Great, in terms of the kind of property that PW would usually be buying. I mean it is still a large-ish house, big enough to have 2 adults and small children in, but it's not what would be on his radar normally. The only reason they know about it, it that it's near a place where HARRIET grew up as a child. It's not getting any high marks in particular Beauty, Convenience, or Quality - the main reason HV's drawn to it is sentiment, rather than anything else. They both know that they will have to significantly add to it, and alter it, in order for it to be a comfortable home. That would usually be out-of-budget for someone in Harriet's position, who would expect to buy something that meets her needs 'as-is'. Most people looking at buying that house would be Harriets not Peters, so it might be a tough sell.

-The house has no power, and limited plumbing: There's dark references to DRAINS by the dowager duchess, it's entirely possible that this house has no modern plumbing at all - they make the comparison that the huge palace the Wimseys grew up in wasn't plumbed until recently, but then again they do have about 800 servants, whereas Talboys is just a regular house: they will have Bunter alone (at first), with an assist from Mrs Ruddle. There's mention of "a cistern" with some basic valves, but the scullery is mentioned as having a copper, from which hot water is "scooped into a large bath-can" - a copper being, simply, a large metal basin over a fire, in effect. No running hot water, maybe no flushable loos - it's a factor. They also talk specifially about having to electrify Talboys themselves - it's candles and lamps until then. It's fancy camping. By the mid-1930s, a lot of middle-class buyers would expect a little more convenience in both water and wiring, unless they had significant support staff, which Talboys would not be expected to house.

-There's probably no farm! It's a farm house - not a wider land purchase. People like PW's brother the Duke are wealthy primarily because they own land, not because of the big palace they have (which eats money, rather than generates it). The land is what gives them spending power, because other people are paying them rent to live on it, farm on it, or both. PW's own personal 'younger sibling' wealth is also mentioned somewhere to be primarily in real estate (assumed to be in London) - sad to say: he's a landlord, and that's why he's rich. Talboys, on the other hand, as a purchase, would not, in almost any way, be expected to generate revenue through either farming, agriculture, or charging rent. Until they invent house flipping in 80 years, or until the motorway goes through in 40 years, there's not much expectation that Talboys would increase all that much in value.

-Lastly, there's a massive disparity in what The Market Will Bear when we compare a basic residence vs a luxury item (like a mink coat) in the mid-1930s. This is not particular to that time, though. Like any first-year economics student will tell you, the price of something is not it's intrinsic value, it's what someone is WILLING to pay for it. If someone is willing to pay such a price, that's the price it will be. So, we're not comapring Objects, we're comparing Buyers: the the main purchasers of a slightly run-down farmhouse located nowhere special are Harriets, and main purchasers of mink coats are Peters. Talboys is priced for Harriets. The mink coat is priced for Peters.

Compare for example, a contemporary parallel: the Hermes Birkin bag. It's a leather handbag with a starting retail price of about USD 11,400. Just for the bag. Then, you have fancier versions of the fancy bag, eg wikipedia tells me one version sold at auction for USD 380,000 in Hong Kong in 2017. Now, the Harriets of today are not buying a Hermes Birkin handbag, but they are probably trying to buy slightly run-down houses outside urban centers for (one hopes) slightly less than 380k. The Wimseys of the worlds are clearly buying Birkin bags. In that way, it's actually pretty easy to get to a place where Person A might buy a single luxury item for X pounds, and Person B might buy a whole residence for X pounds, and neither feel like they'd done something insane. The key here is in a Wimsey/Vane marriage, they run up against this concept immediately, and repeatedly.

There's a good reason the first epistolary section of the novel is almost entirely taken up with money chat - the ring, the purchase of shirts from Burlington Arcade, the marriage settlement, the gift from the bride to the groom, the mink coat, the bitchy exchange between Helen and Harriet about HV being allowed "six free copies of her book" to distribute. These people come from 2 fundamentally different experiences of the world. They might have gotten engaged using the word 'Magistra', specifically to emphasise their fundamental equality (in the context of learning and the mind, to begin with), but it can't be denied: there's gaps that need to be bridged. They both know parts of their married life will be spent in attempting to do that, hopefully to their mutual satisfaction. Mention of a mink coat for 950 guineas is a nice, neat shorthand for illustrating what's still at play between them here.

#dorothy l sayers #and this isn't even getting into the delicious things like #a) helen being considered unspeakably vulgar by calling attention to the price of HV's ring but #b) peter being considered friendly and polite by openly stating what he paid for talboys #like these are some delicate class rules at play here! when to mention money and when NOT to mention money! context matters! #here's so much going on - this is (I feel) what DLS means when she says she couldn't simply marry them off #they'd have to really engage with what that would mean #and then she wrote 2 whole novels about it #replies #fromthedeskofcripslock

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for declining a game someone gifted me with intent to play together?

This probably sounds a bit trivial, but these sorts of situations make me incredibly anxious and I could really use some outside perspectives.

I (24NB) have a small online friend group that was originally created so we could play games together. Over the years since it was first created, some people have come and gone for a variety of reasons (some pretty normal, others not so much), but the overall gist of the group remains: we’re just here to be chill and play games.

The group tends to hyperfixate on games together for a bit, then move on to another when the mood strikes, and sometimes we just have some periods of dead time where everyone does their own thing, etc. Sometimes when the collective hyperfixation strikes, I have absolutely zero idea what the game they’re on is about, and I’m content to just watch my friends get along and have a good time. I don’t mind not participating, and I rarely have the money to spend on games anyway. Additionally, unless the information is presented in a way that *really* catches my interest, I just kind of… don’t care to play it? I tend to experience emotions in black and white, so if I’m not incredibly excited by the premise, I lack interest altogether.

Here’s where I get tripped up: sometimes, my friends will gift me one of these games. I understand they have good intentions, but I don’t really understand the idea behind giving something to someone when they haven’t really expressed any interest in it beyond acknowledging it exists? It’s happened multiple times, and I get so anxious that they’re going to think I’m ungrateful or guilt trip me for not wanting to play (this has happened with someone who used to be in the group, though none of the remaining people have a history of doing it) that I don’t say anything to avoid the issue. But avoiding the issue just makes me feel guilty for not communicating that there is one. There is also the potential that if I tried the game, I would enjoy it, or if I watched someone play, I’d take interest, but once the game is gifted to me, I get this sense that it’s no longer an invitation, but an expectation? I’m not really sure if that makes sense, maybe someone can relate to it, I just know it makes me feel a lot of unpleasant things.

All of this context is to say: I received a new gifted game tonight, a game which I kind of intentionally dodged the conversation on because I was worried someone WOULD gift it to me. WIBTA if I declined the gift, even though I know my friends are well-meaning and want to spend time with me, because of my anxiety surrounding gifts?

#aita #am i the asshole

[noellevanious]

more sad venting below

i don't really know what to do with myself at this point. lots of stuff in my life is going wrong (and i deserve most of it).

i wish i could say these breakdowns i've been having are just a weird emotional overloads that are gonna go away soon, but i feel like my mental state has gotten worse in every way, some worse than it was before 2022 when i transitioned.

i've got a lot of friends, and i appreciate the followers that do reach out to me to try and cheer me up, but i dunno. i spend pretty much every day at this point just sitting in my chair at my desk feeling sad, not wanting to do anything. i did that before, but at least i had the urge to play videogames, or try and do something. at this point i just pray somebody messages me and refresh tumblr, wondering when i'll break down again and trying to fight it back.

i want friends to reach out to me and offer to hang out or be a shoulder to cry on, but the people that do aren't the ones that i "want" to reach out to me (which is unfair to them), and the ones i do want to reach out don't and haven't for years, if they ever did in the first place.

i'm a social butterfly, but i'm also an awkward lonely transfem that isn't even out publicly, in a city where i have basically no friends. i want to visit friends more, but i don't have the money and my job can't really let me do that, so i'm just spinning my wheels. i get jealous when i see or hear friends talk about their social experiences, but i don't do anything to solve the issue, and just stew in my own pathetic self-loathing.

i've been a shitty girlfriend, i've gone back to completely despising my body and self image even though i'm going to the gym almost every day, aside from my job i don't even really know what the future holds for me. i have almost no money even though i work full time, we might get evicted from the house we live in, i live with family members that essentially suck me dry like leeches in every sense, and i can't even really get "sad" or "Angry" normally.

i promise i'm not spiraling again, it's not fair that i do it so much, but all the worst parts of me are coming out and i don't have anything redeemable right now, the only thing i know to do is post about it and hope somebody hears the cry for help.

if you unfollow me for all this sad posting i don't blame you. i can only do so many cries for help without it just turning into a droning whine nobody wants to hear from a perpetually sad loser.

[millionancientbees]

Something I think a lot of ppl forget when they’re dealing with suicidal people is that a lot of us are suicidal because we can’t afford or access basic needs, let alone creature comforts.

Before sending your suicidal friend to the mental hospital to maybe be severely traumatized by even less autonomy and also potentially lose their jobs and housing, have you:

-spent time with them so they’re not alone with their thoughts and organized a care group of their friends to help take care of tasks that are overwhelming?

-made a post or group chat to raise funds for bills that are looming and making them feel like they’ll never be able to succeed at life? Tried to help connect them with resources? Offered to sit down with them while they make calls? Offered to take a look at their debt and see if it can be refinanced? Etc, based on your skills, who you know, what you have the resources and comfort and closeness with the person to allow

-taken them to do some fun things? Gotten them out of their house and into the sun?

-gotten them something sweet or comforting or good smelling or whatever? A simple $5 candle can be a reason for someone to smile and feel cared about.

-gotten them tools to manage their sensory needs? Are they over or under stimulated? I will become immediately suicidal if I hear too many sounds while hungry or tired or upset or overheated or or or

I’m not saying the hospital is never the answer. I’m not saying don’t take people who are immediately in danger. I’m not saying you have to do this for people who are behaving in a way that will hurt you. But if you care about someone who is suicidal, this is something to think about.

I have literally been suicidal for as long as I can remember (and I remember a lot of my very early childhood) and some of the small things that have legitimately kept me alive over the years include:

-my friends buying me noise canceling headphones

-my friends taking me on a vacation

-my partner letting me read out loud to them when they were playing video games every night

-my friends buying my art or sending me money to help pay bills, get my car fixed, etc

-my sister giving me rides to my doctor appointments and buying me a little treat afterwards

-my friends sharing their audible/netflix/hulu/libby accounts with me so i had something to focus on other than wanting to die

-friends taking me out to dinner and letting me talk about my special interests

-my friend giving me houseplants and teaching me how to keep them alive, which required spending quality time together whenever I needed to learn something new and gave them an excuse to bully me into leaving my depression nest when nobody else could

-my friend buying me a vape when I was breaking apart and had nothing to do with my hands and nothing to calm my very upset nervous system and $2 in the bank and also I was going through withdrawals

-my friend teaching me how to drive and helping me get my license so I could have some autonomy

Like it really can be that simple. We sometimes forget that therapy and meds can only do so much at a time, and some people get treatment for their entire lives and still struggle a lot even when they do everything right, especially when they’re dealing with complicated issues like other disabilities, chronic pain, poverty, abusive situations/ongoing trauma, etc.

#mental health #tw sui ideation

[khaire-traveler]

I have a jar of change dedicated to Hermes. It's near overflowing so I counted it out. It's a little over $30 which should be a bit under that when I'm done putting it in a coin changing machine.

Point of all of this is, what do I use the money for? It's for Hermes. His alter is already nearly too big for my space so I wouldn't really want to get anything else. But I don't want to spend it on random things since it's dedicated to him. I would ask him what he wants me to spend it on but I wouldn't even know where to start. Do you have any ideas I could ask him about?

Hey, Nonny!

In all honesty, I run into this problem frequently (or at least I used to because I was a delivery driver who received lots of cash and coin tips). What I've found to be helpful for me is letting Lord Hermes know that I'm going to use the money myself. I do this after the amount gets to a certain point where it's overflowing or is just too much on his altar. Here is my logic with this:

Hermes is a god of currency, and part of currency is the exchange of it. Whenever we use cash or coins or even cards, it is directly interacting with Hermes' domain. Therefore, putting money back into use is contributing to Hermes' neverending cycle of exchange, of giving, of receiving. In this same way, I believe that the act of hoarding (NOT SAVING; these are two VERY different things) money doesn't do us well. Leaving a lot of money on his altar forever, never to be touched or used again, seems unhelpful to me. I personally feel that spending or saving that money puts it back into use, back into the realm of his domain. I think it has the opportunity to do better things there. Having said that, I think putting this money into your personal account or spending it for yourself is a great act of devotion. It's self-care, in this economy at least, and it actively contributes to his domain of currency and exchange. You give to receive, and the cycle continues.

I also specifically keep any coins I especially associate with him or that are super old. This is just something I enjoy doing, and I feel that it lets Hermes know that I'm not forgetting about him or taking the money from his altar simply to take it. Maybe leave him four coins from the bunch as a "thank you" or a sign of respect/care.

This is just how I deal with this situation personally. If you or others disagree, that's 100% ok. This is merely a suggestion, but I hope it's one that helps. Take care, and have a good day/night. 🧡

#anon asks #answered asks #hermes deity #hermes worship

[otrtbs]

hi! could you explain a little bit what you studied and if you did any apprenticeship before you got a job ? a little summary to how you got there ? i’m so curious (and i admire you a lot)

hiya!! sure!!

so back in high school i actually started volunteering at my local art museum when i was 16 (up until i graduated at 18). they had a program specifically designed for teens to volunteer at the museum (i gave guided tours, and helped plan events at the museum, and worked with kids 3-12 in a drop-in studio every saturday where they could make art of their own after looking in the gallery) <- not a lot of museums do this, but you can call and ask if they need volunteer docents for the weekends !! they’ll train you!!

then i majored in art history in undergrad (making sure to focus my courses in modern and contemporary art towards the end of my studies bc that’s what i wanted to do! also i took a LOT of french classes. as in i only needed a few credits to have a minor but the last class was so hard i dropped it) to give yourself a leg up, i recommend studying a language (italian, french, spanish, german) most jobs in ARH require at least a minimal reading knowledge of another language.

while i was in school, i got a job at my university’s art museum as a gallery assistant! (<- fancy way of saying i walked around the galleries and told people not to touch the paintings and answered their questions if they asked and made sure no one was trying to steal the art)

during the summer, i got a summer internship at an art gallery in the biggest city close to my house (bc i moved back home w my parents in the summertime. uni housing was crazy expensive) and that was the *most* instrumental. i learned how to write wall texts, how to install artworks, i made studio visits to artists, updated the gallery website, handled artist contracts, you name it! it was great experience!!

i also got involved in art history/fine arts clubs at my university! i was on the fine arts council at my uni which represented the art and art history department to the student senate and the university at large. and the art historical society.

then i got my master’s degree in history of art theory and display, joined the art historical society at that university, got a degree and entered my FLOP ERA OF THE CENTURY

and by that i mean, i was 6 months unemployed and moved back home w my parents flop era. no one would hire me ,, no one would even give me a call back to tell me they didn’t wanna hire me ,,, and then one day someone did !! rahhh!!!! and i got some of my research approved 4 publishing and now im here!!!! (i say this not to discourage you but to let you know that the job market for art history ppl is tough,, it has always been tough,, but if you love it, it’s never a waste to pursue!)

i would do a few things differently if i had a second go at it, just to get a leg up so here’s some advice that im giving but i DIDNT DO myself:

1) try to minor in something to give you a leg up! a language is good, marketing is good, public relations… something to make you stand out!

2) try to get things published as an undergrad or a grad student! get your research out there if you can (way easier said than done ik ik) have some things you can list under your publications tab on your CV

3) if you find yourself in a 6+ month jobless, flop era period like me, volunteer somewhere at a museum or gallery if you are able. i was bitter as fuck that i had a masters degree and would be working at a museum for free when i needed money so i didn’t do it ,, but when someone finally calls back and you get an interview and they ask what you’ve been up to recently ,,, telling them you spend your time volunteering in museum spaces and working in your desired environment looks so much better than saying “i’ve been job searching” i promise !! (<- also just recognizing the extreme privilege i had to just stay at home and look for jobs in my desired field instead of immediately having to get a job somewhere. but im not gonna lie to you. i put out applications at olive garden and einstein’s bagels and they both rejected me. so. i was scrambling bc my student loans were due and i had zero dollars 2 my name 🧍‍♀️)

okay i rambled on for entirely tooooooo long. but i hope this was helpful somewhat !!! 💗💗

#asks #ARH talks #ARH ramblings

[goldkirk]

question: have any of you personally seen a dietician (not looking for experiences with nutritionists, only dieticians), and did you find it helpful or useful, and if you did see a dietician and you ALSO have seen a GI doctor, how did the experience compare for you in terms of helpfulness + how much you felt listened to and helped?

#i'm trying to figure out which doctor appointments I want to bother making and spending money about for potentially no return on investment #and right now i'm trying to figure out if I'd get way more practical help from a dietician or if I need to suck it up and find a #not-elderly not-male not-dismissive GI doctor first and THEN see a dietician #although I cannot afford a bunch of tests #so like??? #trying to figure out if a dietician would be more helpful overall with me not HAVING any GI diagnoses or eating disorders #and just really struggling with food in both sensory ways and unpredictable digestion ways that don't correlate with food allergies #god i sometimes wish i had food allergies so i could have some predictability #but yeah. i'm leaning towards dietician but figured i should crowdsource experiences #since I know a lot of you have health issues you've also been trying to manage for years and probably have good advice #if it helps i'm also in a major city now and have a decent-but-not-great health insurance plan so I'm good on those two fronts #to do #health #I know a dietician can't diagnose anything but I'd love help figuring out how to get maximum nutrition even when i can barely eat anything #or when my body decides to start getting sick from or (tw emetophobia) puking up fiber or fatty foods #which thankfully isn't often #now that I do cannabis daily in microdosing I have so much less pain and bloating and nausea #but when it hits it HITS #and the last time I tried going without cannabis for a couple days and then eating a fiber muffin I was sick six times in one morning #and didn't get my normal eating ability back until dinnertime #luckily that's not normal for me #but my issues bounce up and down so much #and I lose weight so fast whenever my appetite goes from 'barely ever there' to 'negatively nonexistent' #and I had like. two months last year where I think i reached my body's natural healthy set weight #and i needed so much food but it felt so good energy wise and temperature wise #and i'd like to STAY THERE FFS #and I feel like a dietician would be helpful for making meal options for good #*good and hard and nuclear alert level eating difficulty times #anyway. crowdsourcing. yay!

[moregraceful]

btw. i know i sound as a general rule like my entire life collapsing and trust, it more or less is, but today i received an email to schedule a second interview for a job that i am neutral on but would excel at and also do not as of right now have a lot of other options, but i realized ALSO would -- and this is critical -- allow me to advance my san jose barracuda agenda to c-level executives in the south bay.

the second job interview is honestly the wackiest part of all bc the first interview ended when the interviewer asked if i had stable internet for a home work environment, and right after i confirmed yes, my internet went down. despite it all, we stay silly i guess

#[picture of sabourin fighting onyebuchi in a ppt] the men your wives could be with if they weren't with you 👍 welcome to san jose #it is a b2b2c company that is. A LITTLE SILLY TO BE HONEST. but also completely in line with what i want to do with nonprofits #just for tech instead of like. refugees. and the semi-consensus in the gc is that if i can't get a job in a nonprofit doing #what i want then i at least then have this job on my resume in the future. like i did this for tech let me do it for people who need it. #which is a much better visual than a huge gap on my resume while i spiral all summer bc my therapist made me read adult children #of emotionally immature parents and then i learned what dissociative amnesia is. BORING let me spend other people's money #i was talking over the second interview with jasbah and she was like this job sounds evil but also a lot of fun #i was like I KNOW #IT'S LIKE A FUN PUZZLE IF I DON'T THINK ABOUT THE IMPLICATIONS OF WHAT I AM DOING #BUT THAT'S HOW WE STAY SILLY IN THIS ECONOMY I GUESS!!!!! #fresno oilers.txt

[magnoliamyrrh]

its been insane witnessing the full force of propaganda and american imperialism with my own two eyes as an adult these past few years. obviously ive known abt it plenty and seen it before, but witnessing it at this age with this much force is... dystopian and crazy

#i rly think its accurate to say were living through a second post nine eleven #......... #whats been terrifying too is seeing how.... the things done have only done so much #protests All Over the world including the imperial core So Many cracked down on so hard or seemingly without doing fuck all at #a systemic level. like i couldn't tell u if me or anyone else spending hours calling representatives and writing emails did a single thint #if all the protests in america did anything systemically. the government is doing the same exact shit its been doing despite it #all the un resolutions and calls and anything seem to also have been useless. no matter how many countries voted for a ceasefire in #whichever meeting?? just bc america and israel voted against and bc the un is clearly the lapdog on a leash of the american empire #... i know bolivia and colombia (?) cut diplomatic ties with israel and yamen threathened to declare war and several countries have #threathened several things... and yet. #god sake america has send fucking navy and soldiers to help in the genocide its fucking vile 🤢 #and israel (+ us) have fucking bombed and killed civilians in other Fucking Countries Than Palestine and this shit is still going on #.... . i guess were seeing some of the effects of boycotting which is good for sure but that dont stop the actual thing #its just so fucked. our generation has caught a lot of wild shit but i dont know if ive ever seen such great international outcry globally #from populations as i have seen for palestine #AND YET. and yet it continues. and yet it goes on #its fucking horrifying #..... i was thinking too like. in a theoretical scenario lets say everyone in america could get on board with refusing to pay taxes. like #just fuck it. no more funding of this. #but the american government has so much money and power that it wouldnt rly stop them for at least a good while. also. i doubt they wouldn't #commit atrocities on a population that would refuse that hard. and what then? revolution in the streets? in the country made up of 51 #countries? where sure the civilians have guns but the government has shit we cant even dream of? #. #all of this is so deeply dystopian and pained #and im not saying this in some sort of nothing matters so dont do anything way dont speak abt it dont call dont protest dont boycott etc #even when there is 0 hope we have to try #............ but its deeply horrifying

[dullahandyke]

coming to the realisation that i can buy whatever i want to look however i want. insane

#but my cd bags havent come yet n i cant buy another thing until they come in the post bcos i prommied myself #n after that i need to get new over-ear headphones #also update the reward points system for making me do things is Not Working so i might ditch it #but also i. dont have a job. so i gotta ration my money. n if i wing it i feel like ill fuck it up #but also like. sigh ok so the plan was that for every task i do i get a euro of spending money. to motivate me to do tasks so i can buy thi #but ive racked up a debt already. oops! so theoretically i need to work that off before i can start saving for someghing new to buy #the thing is tho that my headphones broke n i have earbuds but i NEEEED to have on-ear headphones or ill explode #n im thinking of biting the bullet and buying some proper nice ones #but thats spencey itd take so long to save up for those #n i could theoretically add that to my debt n buy them now but that would render the debt functionally meaningless #bcos if i gotta do 100+ tasks to work off the debt to START saving for shit like a binder #then we're gonna have a problem #this could be mitigated by me getting less expensive headphones n stuff but like w a warranty so that when they inevitably break #i dont gotta vimes boots it and instead i can just get the same headphones again #but thats a lot of electrical waste :( #sigh i COULD ask my mom to get me the nicey headphones as a pre-emptive leaving cert thing #but id say shed rather get me something AFTER the leaving which is like. 20 days. n can i survive that long without overear headphones? #tbh probably. but also my perception is skewed bcos im currently in If I Have Headphones On I Will DIE mode #so shrug ill have to think it thru some other time #aughghghghgh!!!!!1 what if i killed and bit #<- still hasnt started studying for the leaving. at this point i dont think its gonna happen

[six-of-ravens]

finally made that list of things I want to do on my week-and-a-half off! It's mainly boring stuff: errands to run and super-early Christmas shopping and all that, or family stuff. My brain is complaining bc it's like "waaaah I just wanna spend a week on the couch playing video games!!" but I know from experience if I do that I'll feel like I wasted the week 😂 Also most of this stuff will only take a couple hours all told, I just decided to do it on my week off bc otherwise it'll be so hard to motivate myself to get out.

Last year when I took the week off I did a whole bunch of cooking and stocked up the freezer for a few weeks, which was a great idea, but since my holidays are right after Thanksgiving this year and the weather is still relatively warm, idk if I'll feel like cooking much. Still gonna try and stock the freezer up a bit tho!

(also yes I did get roped into doing work teambuilding on my week off. everyone got super hype for this VR room thing but then half the office was sick this week and there are people on vacation the next 3 weeks, so I caved and said I'd just meet them at the place. I have very little Get Out And Do Fun Things activities books anyways so I should just go and Have Fun. Not like I'd be paying for it...)

#was considering getting an airbnb and going into the mountains for a couple days but a) didn't want to spend the money and b) #as soon as my parents found out I'd booked the week off dad was like WELL IF MOM HAS ANY APPOINTMENTS THAT WEEK YOU WILL TAKE HER TO THEM!! #like....okay i *would* but could you at least ask nicely and let me know the time first?? #anyway she has no appointments so it doesn't matter. i just hate being volun-told to do things lmao #im still worried about Time but i just need to make a real schedule. also a lot if the errands can be done literally tomorrow #i have to go out and get groceries for thanksgiving bc the store opens late Sun/Mon on long weekends so i can putter around a bit #also one whole day is written off bc dad is like 'i know your car appt is at X time but it might take ALL DAY for them to do it!!' #which i don't think will be the case lol

[blujayonthewing]

good evening I am once again looking up 18th century men's shirt tutorials online

#PERHAPS FOR REAL THIS TIME. I WILL MAKE A COOL PIRATE SHIRT TO WEAR. #ROTISSERIE SHITHEAD HERE I COME #the thing is I KNOW I would wear it because I have a 'pirate shirt' I bought off amazon I've built some outfits around #but I lowkey hate that shirt agdjfjsk the neck and collar situation is... bizarre.... and imo unflattering #where a normal functional shirt collar would look you know... normal #also the fabric is THINNN so if I wanna wear something open over it I also need something else under it and ugh #the trouble as always is just motivation... but the alternative is buying things and I'm scared of spending money #if I could get my feet under me to start sewing that'd be really great for a lot of reasons #not the least of which being I could have CLOTHES. that FIT. and that I LIKE #starting with THRIFT STORE BEDSHEET PIRATE SHIRTS to wear with COOL VESTS and look like a GAY LITTLE PRINCE or perhaps ECCENTRIC WIZARD #or at the very least sarah from labyrinth #about me

[iloveyoumorethansoup]

I don’t know what I need to be happy but I do know I absolutely need to move into my own space and I need to spend a lot of time creating spaces for myself both outside in a home and online

#I’m really good at the online one #but I’d like to also be in video format #it’s like. i want to be very very true to myself. no acting allowed. no deciding which version of myself to present #but I also want to be the idealized version of myself #the version of myself that is happy and excited to wake up #someone who greatly enjoys the little things in life and has time for themself #and I know that’s an option. i know it is #and it looks so possible from here in this hole that I know I can’t leave until I move out again knowing how much better it gets #but also. all my problems don’t magically disappear by moving out and I know that too #most of them do tho #last year I didn’t have much time for myself. i spent a lot of time online which I don’t regret in the slightest #i just need to figure out how to balance school time to myself and friends and online #and probably work #update looked at my bank account yeah balancing work too how did I manage to spend 600$ in a month???? #no more going out like twice a week or having the mindset of oh I only spent 60$ today I’m doing good! #I’m all like ooh yeah I have a good job I can totally buy that! and I can. but oh god I gotta limit the treat myself attitude #if I just don’t spent money I could have my money goal saved by the end of summer I think #nvm I severely over estimated my time here #anyways. I’m really bad with time management but dear god do I need to get better at it for a shot at peace in my life #soup talks

[kunikidas-lost-glasses]

Doing something which is supposed to make you feel happy or which you thought would make you happy and feel all giddy but instead you slowly start to feel nothing and start to become utterly overwhelmed until you're left with the pain which comes with the thought "but this was supposed to make me happy. I was looking so forward to it."

#why does this happen most of the time when I try to buy a lot of things which I really wanted since quite a while #Like. The longer I juggle things in and out of my shopping chart because of how expensive everything is the less I start to feel #Until I start thinking that I can eaisly live without it anyways #Also by now I nearly always stop myself from buying things because of the bitter feeling which comes with spending a lot of money #I was able to buy a lot of things once in a while previously without any bigger issues #I am still a minor. I could buy things instead of just saving my money until I am an adult and have to spend a lot of money anyways #my rant #rant #ramblings

[applejarjar]

By the way I got the job!!!

#They're gonna make me an offer soon! #I think I have to pay for housing though which is kinda bozo and the pay isn't amazing but still excited #Plus I'll be a part of a group instead of on my own for a good while so I'm way less stressed about it #Apparently upward mobility is better when ppl go through this program so that's also a plus #I think I'll have a lot of options after training too so I'm less worried about getting stuck in something I'll be shit at #Just need to get this driving thing sorted #Lots of problems to solve and questions to answer in the coming months before I have to move #Can't spend ANY money #Already tryna figure out who I could cut a deal on a car with lol #That's gonna be the most expensive thing to start with... #Hopefully rent won't kick my ass they said they'd send housing options soon #Ah! So happy!

[vamptastic]

time to make some online purchases and not be nervous about it at all not even a little bit

#im very financially responsible except with giving others money #like every time i see a homeless person i give them at least $10 and my parents r always mad about it #and every time i go out w my friends i pay for everything #which isn't bad per se but like #i need to save about $10k for medical transition and i would like to have #a safety net of more savings in case things go south with my parents before i can graduate college n get my own income #also now that i have my own money i need to learn to spend it when i need to buy smth #i have a budget of saving 90% spending 10% for my summer job #but 10% is like $300!! thats $300 that could go towards top surgery... #idk. i just wish these savings were for like.. a fun trip or a car or just a rainy day #instead i need to save every cent i make for the next four years just to have what cis people r born with #sucks. -_-. #the aversion to spending money is mostly just cos #we're middle upper class ish now but both my parents grew up real poor #like no ac in the florida summer get a job at 14 if u want food on the table poor. everything but homeless p much #tho my dad was homeless in college for a bit #so. they're very frugal even tho we make a lot of money #just gotta get the cheapest of everything no frivolous spending go to 6 grocery stores for the best deals n haggle with me over jeans #not necessarily a bad thing tho id argue why make that much money if u don't ever wanna spend it #cos its not going towards a mansion or new cars n shit we have like. a normal house n very old car #it's all just retirement savingd #savings. #which is all well n good but like #dont u wanna live a bit happier before age 65 too? i mean r u gonna wait your whole life to use that money on ur happiness? #idk. anyway. #my money is going towards Not Killing Myself From Dysphoria rn. so. #but i wish i could stop begrudging myself for buying stuff even when its well within my budget #literally beating myself up for buying a fucking belt rn