#and as an RA which pays for my room and board while my grad asst job pays for my grad degree

[radikylie]

Last night I called out my conservative/religious coworker and asked her if she really thought gay people were going to hell. She basically said that she thinks it is a sin but that shouldn’t matter as long as her actions are always good to people regardless if they’re gay or not. In her mind, there was nothing wrong with that, but we work with teenage girls about half or more identify as some type of sexuality and they are so impresssionable!! We debated about scriptures and rules; she doesn’t eat pork or shrimp bc the Bible says not to so I asked her if she’s wearing cotton polyester blends and she was like well I don’t follow all the rules...and I was like then why does it matter about gay people!!! Jesus came and was like just be loving bruh!! And she really said that there’s a part in the New Testament that’s like homosexuality is a sexual immorality. I said you can’t choose to ignore or move past people being gay, that’s not like disagreeing with someone on liking chocolate, that’s ignoring/invalidating an integral part of who they are.

And I have no idea how I confronted her so gracefully (well i still cried bc I cry about everything) but I really was like wow that’s disappointing and heartbreaking and we can’t be friends and that it’s going to be strictly professional from here on out. I also told her to never think we are ever friends in the future just bc in front of everyone else ppl think we’re great friends, and I won’t ever be malicious towards her but I won’t be as open or inviting either basically just neutral and professional. And I talked a little about my history of going to an extreme southern baptist church and private school and how awful that was and that my parents weren’t okay with me being gay and that I grew up hating myself. I told her I would catch myself having genuinely sweet moments with her and then have it be completely soiled by the fact that I’m p sure she believes that gay people are going to hell (she told students this 2 years ago and got in trouble for it).

But what really got her shook tf up was me being like, I see you with our girls they’re (13-16) and how much they love you and I just think if only they knew. And I told her that I would never tell them she thought that, but if they did know? Fucking devastated and heartbroken bc some of them get versions of that from their families. They will pick up the things that she says/doesn’t say, does/doesn’t do, and they will internalize it whether they realize it or not. And it doesn’t matter if your actions have good intentions sometimes you don’t even realize the things you do bc you truly believe that being gay is a sin at your core and where that belief stems from is a guiding principle in all that you do.

At the end, I said I couldn’t change her mind but I hope that she does more research on what other Christians say about homosexuality. And that I would love to be friends with her but I can’t be friends with someone who thinks that just me living my life is a sin. And then my girlfriend pointed out (thanks babe) that I should be proud of myself for setting boundaries and like wow I actually did that. I think this is one of very few significant moments where I’ve been able to set a boundary. I mean it’s still really disappointining how it turned out but I couldn’t do another year of not knowing if she actually thinks that and wasting time and energy on trying to be friends with her. All last year she kept trying to validate our friendship after I confronted her vaguely about it the first time to which she claimed she had a stomachache and ran away.

So ya that happened and I’m still upset about it. Like I have to live in the same building with her and pretend everything is fine in front of the girls and my bosses or my bosses will get mad at ME for causing tension. Like I got knocked off on my evaluation bc I was mad at her for a few days after that first confrontation. And they told me that basically they can’t do anything unless she’s actively like that with the girls and she just got smarter about not saying anything after getting in trouble the first time. Basically this job doesn’t pay enough for what we do and we don’t have many applicants for it so that’s why she’s still here. They also told me that I had to be the bigger person and that maybe it’s my responsibility to change her mine. It’s such bullshit honestly. But it is what is is I guess. I did my part so if she doesn’t want to do the inner work then whatever.

#about my religious coworker #im not religious at all #i guess im an optimistic omnist #someone who believes that theres a little truth in all religions #but i also think abrahamic religions have been severely distorted by agendas and patriarchy #also i work at a college that accepts girls who skip high school and come to college early #so they live in a dorm but have curfews and rules and alarms set #and as an RA which pays for my room and board while my grad asst job pays for my grad degree #and we have more responsibility taking care of them bc theyre minors #this is my second year and my coworkers third year #i just needed to vent about it #tbh i feel kind of alone at my school bc all my friends are elsewhere and im living with the right side saying its a sin #and about half the campus are like radical kweers #i already got rumors that im a terf so #and uh ya thanks 4 reading hope u have a goodnight #personal